Waking Death Resident Evil REtold
by Blade8821
Summary: Rated M for language, violence, depictions of horrifying scenarios, and for mature content in later chapters. A strange individual who has played the RE games finds himself in Raccoon city, in June of 1998. What happens when a memetic badass decides to mess with the known timeline? Hilarity and chaos ensue! Legal info is on my page. Begins one month before the Mansion incident.
1. Introduction

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

Ohayo! This is now the Introduction/Author commentary chapter, that is before the main story. Read or skip at your descretion. I have several points I would like to point out to you readers just below.

This chapter will from now on have updates on the fic's status.

THIRD update: **UPDATE AS OF 6/2/13** ! OY! I am now commencing the REwrite. The first 10, I repeat, TEN chapters will be posted as add-ons here, from 62-72. Feel free to read what is currently written from beginning to the end if you like, or just skip to the final chapters to see what the REwrite is going to look like when complete.

After the first ten have been finished, I will continue to work on it for up to ONE MONTH before I begin replacing everything written so far, with the new, REwritten version. This is to let everyone get a chance to read the current version before it gets replaced. The story will still keep going well beyond the RE4 arc, so no worries there. It will just have a fresh look at what you've already seen, with new content thrown into the mix for shits and giggles.

Of course, it **WILL** be funny as all hell, I promise you that.

Thank you for your time, and as always, have nice day.(Three guesses as to where THAT line is from. Heheh, we love you, FPSRussia)

Please. Read and review! (All hail reviews!)

Geeze, do I hafta spell it out for you? I can't make improvements if I dunno what's wrong. Please send me a private message or write a review if you have suggestions/critique/questions/requests. Note; Bashing and stupid questions/remarks will be pointed out and made fun of, so beware. Such as "Mister Mary Sue," who cannot read. I HAVE ALREADY CLAIMED THAT I DO NOT OWN FMA!

As it stands, I MIGHT take requests and make a fanfic of something. If I do, I'll work on it like I do on this one; Putting all three shots in.

For today: Requests are being taken, but may be denied at your convenience. I don't do yaoi!

However, any and all requests are going into suggestions and are under consideration. For now, request as you like but no promises.

Okay, story stuff. My character is named Roy. He's from the real world(Our world, sometime around 2011) . His real last (Surname) name is not given. He had seen and read Fullmetal Alchemist, and since it had not yet come out in '98, he called himself Roy Mustang, as he wanted to use a first name already linked to himself. This was to be a joke that would be revealed later on, after FMA actually came out, and people got suspicious. Would save him having to surprise everyone when he finally said, "Hey, I'm from a different universe!"

His real background is hidden(For now), but he has military training; he was just never in the military. Also, wing-chun is a real martial art; I've studied a little bit of it, but the way Roy fights uses mostly other stuff. I didn't feel like having to troll through wikipedia to see the different poses and describe them; I'm lazy. I did it the lazy way.

So, moving on, I really hadn't intended for Roy to call Wesker his Uncle, but I had already wrote it, so I ran with it. It works. And, for calling him a pedo and half-blind... Muahahahahahahaha. This'll be funny as shit later on.

Roy is a consumate liar, and is manipulating almost everyone around him.

Also, foreshadowing, Roy is going to screw with the RE timeline; people will eventually figure out he's not who he says he is. Namely Rebecca. *Cough, foreshadow, cough* She's very smart, very quick, just a leetle oblivious. He is flirting with her constantly because, well... Like me, he's a horny bastard. He intends to fuck her brains out. (Litterally) And he is flirting with her because he remembers she is very shy, and can't think straight when flattered or embarassed. He does this to throw her off-balance and keep her from figuring out he's so full of shit his eyes are brown. He knows it won't work forever, but he just needs to keep her in the dark for a little while longer.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Character information:

First name: Roy Surname: N/A (Mustang confirmed fake)

Age: 19, roughly

Sex: Male

Height: 6'1, roughly

Weight: 190-200 pounds

Body type: Athletic, muscular; signs of rigorous training evident

Defining features: Blue-green eyes that seemingly look 'through' people.  
Multitude of scars on his body; seemingly from edged weaponry.  
Signs of torture evident; Heavily calloused body, suggests a long-running life of combat.

Past: Unknown. No data available for profile.

Suggestions: Advise extreme caution. Visual scan suggests much combat experience, as well as his being the victim of long-term torture. Scars indicate a preference for close combat. Advise all units maintain a minimum 15 metre distance from the target.

Psychological profile: From the available data, it is believed that the subject has sociopathic tendencies, as well as a flair for the theatrical. He uses his enviornment, as well as those in it. For unknown reasons, he manipulates others into doing his bidding.

Side note: Advise further investigation. Too many variables and unknown factors. Target may possibly be brought onto our side. The situation is currently developing.

Further research has revealed: Roy is capable of amazing feats of physical prowess. His strength is well beyong that of what is accepted as the human limit. His speed and reaction times, as far as we have seen, exceed that of a trained special forces commando by more than eight times.

From what I gather, his body emits a stream of pheromones, which seem to attract human females, as well as causing many species of mammals to view him as a predator. This may or may not also affect humale males, possibly making him seem trustworthy, when he is anything but. His personality cannot be completely profiled; He may have multiple personas.

An injury he sustained during target practice, in which a bullet ricocheted off of the backstop  
and struck him, I witnessed with my own eyes his injury heal itself within minutes,  
long before a medic was able to get to the firing range. He covered this  
by stating that the round missed entirely, only grazing his shirt.

Further speculation: If his body is able to heal that fast, all of our current rules of engagement must be rewritten.  
No less than a fully equipped ten-man squad is to engage the target.

**Status Update!:**

As of December 29, 1998, any and all units are hereby forbidden from engaging the target. Through either a miracle  
or sheer dumb luck, Roy injected himself with the same experimental mutagen concocted for Wesker by Birkin.

And it worked. From what has been recorded by the Nemesis, he now possesses the same physical abilities as Albert Wesker.  
It is assumed that includes nigh invulnerability to conventional weapons, including but not limited to small arms and most varieties  
of handheld explosives. If contact is unavoidable, MAXIMUM FIREPOWER is HIGHLY RECCOMMENDED. Operator discretion is advised.

Feats shown; superhuman reflexes, speeds unrecordable by current observational equipment, and strength matched only by heavy  
industrial machinery. A more powerful supersoldier would be difficult to imagine. Regenerative abilities are assumed to be on par with  
those of Albert Wesker. It is unknown if we even possess the means to kill him now. However, there is a way to deal with him.

Speculation: If we cannot access him directly, use those he holds dear. The closest relations we have found are as follows;  
Rebecca Chambers; his partner and 'girlfriend.' She is currently living with him, working as a nurse at a nearby hospital.

Leon S Kennedy; He is a known associate and friend of the target. However, accessing him may prove difficult. He is currently  
being trained as an agent by the US government, at a top secret facility. Acquiring him is not the most cost-efficient method.

Claire Redfield; If Leon proves difficult, threatening the younger Redfield sibling should prove adequate leverage in  
gaining his cooperation. And that of the target. May also prove useful in manipulating her elder brother.

Chris Redfield; Former comrade and close friend, he is suspicious of the target, for unknown reasons. However,  
the target still regards Redfield as a friend. He would be more than enough as leverage against our target.

Jill Valentine; While not as close to the target as the others, Valentine should still prove useful enough as leverage.  
If not against the target, than to gain the cooperation of her partner, Chris Redfield.

Billy Coen; Location unknown. Unavailable as a resource currently.

Barry Burton; Inaccessible. Currently being watched by members of the military,  
many of which are close associates of Burton. Reccomend another alternative.

Reccomendation: Use the girl, Rebecca Chambers. Acquiring her shouldn't prove difficult for one of the black ops teams.  
Threatening her will gain the target's cooperation; or his wrath. However, it is only a matter of time until he turns his  
attention to us, and becomes a threat regardless. It would be beneficial to bring him to heel before that happens.

-Signed, Ada Wong  
To be delievered to the head of The Organization

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Also, I intend to jump around a little in time on here; I'll have a chapter labeled to be in the future, and it will have much foreshadowing, but no specific information. This is to keep from losing some information, and so I don't have to finish everything in perfect order first. I cheat. I cheat alot.

Everyone seems to just be giving in to Roy so far.. But how long can that last? Wesker and Rebecca are logical. She thinks he's cute, and a fast-talker. She likes him a bit, but is embarassed by the things her mind imagines about him. Wesker figured he could manipulate Roy into helping him in some way. He intends to use Roy. Whether that works, or bites his dick off has yet to be seen. Now...

Omake time!

1: Wesker is sitting at his desk. Everyone else in STARS was leaving. When only himself, Rebecca, and Roy were left, Wesker recalled there was the training superviser's report on her poor scores in hand-to-hand training. He dicided to have a chat and show her how to do it properly. "Miss Chambers, please stay here for a few minutes."

Rebecca's eyes went wide. Roy stared hard at wesker for a moment. The corner of his mouth twitched, and he said, "Wesker. Remember what happened last time. Don't do anything stupid." Roy then got up and walked out. Wesker was befuddled. 'What does he mean by last time? And what the bloody hell did he mean by stupid? Ah, nevermind. That buffoon was just being an idiot again'

He stood up, and stretched. He then removed his vest and gloves, then walked around to the front of his desk. "Rebecca, come here, please." Rebecca was scared out of her wits. 'Why did he take off his vest? And what does he want me for? Is was Roy said really true?!' "Y-yes sir..." Rebecca walked up to wesker, keeping a comfortable distance. Wesker was preoccupied trying to recall was the instructor's exact complaint was about Rebecca. 'Ah, yes, her stance was weak. Well, I can show her that here and now, and get it out of the way.'

Wesker walked over to Rebecca and she started to back away. "What is it miss Chambers? Is there something wrong?" "Oh! Ah, N-no sir..." Rebecca realised she had inadvertantly been backing away. She stopped and stood still, forcing herself to remain calm. "Please remain still, miss Chambers." Wesker walked up to Rebecca, then walked round behind her. He then placed his hands on her shoulders and put his foot between her feet. Rebecca's mind was racing. 'W-what the helldoes he want with me? And why is he touching me?!'

Wesker then said, "Raise your arms, please." Rebecca gingerly raised her arms a bit, then Wesker grabbed them, pulling them upward. "Stop toying with me, Rebecca. You know what you're supposed to do. Now do it right." Wesker lightly kicked Rebecca's left foot, meaning for her to spread her feet. She freaked out. 'Next he's going to take my shirt off and then he's going to tell me to bend over and Nonononono! IcantdothisIdontevenhaveaboy friendandImstillavirginandAH HHH'

Rebecca spun around, brought her foot back, screamed "PERVERT! PEDOPHILE!" and before Wesker even knew what to think, Rebecca had kicked him in his balls so hard, he felt one of them shatter. In a stunning show of time-lagg, he looked down, saw her combat boot buried in his crotch, looked back up and said "What the fu-"

Then, the pain hit him. He hit the floor, hard. His eyes rolled back in his head, and he blacked out, mercifully. In the 27 seconds it took the entire STARS cast to rush back into the STARS room, Rebecca has started hyperventillating, fell to her knees, and was staring at Wesker's quivering form.

When everyone rushed in, guns at the ready, they found Rebecca, sitting on the floor panting, and Wesker lying in front of her, eyes completely white, frothing at the mouth. When everyone stared at Rebecca, she said, "H-he's a pedophile! He was groping me and he was going to rape me and I didn't know what to do and I yelled and I turned and I kicked him and he fell down and foam started coming out and I think I broke him, and I just started working here and I-"

"Whoa whoa whoa, easy, Rebecca." Chris stepped forward, kneeling next to her. "Are you okay? You're not hurt, right?" "Y-yeah..."

"Okay, now what happened?" Rebecca took a deep breath, then said, "Wesker's a pedophile who likes little girls, and he asked me to stay then started groping me, and he tried to take my shirt off and then I yelled and kicked him and he.. umm... I think he broke..."

Roy suddenly busted out laughing, laughing so hard he fell over, holding his sides. Everyone stared at him, wondering why he was suddenly so hysterical. Wesker then began groaning about an umbrella...

**The next day.**

Wesker was in the hospital. With an icepack on his crotch. Not to mention a giggling Roy sitting next to his bed, and a frantic looking Rebecca sitting next to him. "I'm so sorry Captain..."

"Yeah, but you shouldn't've tried to rape her, ya perv" Roy was still cackling.

"I was not trying to rape her! I was-"

Roy cut him off, STILL cackling and giggling. "Ah, save it for the judge."

"I'm very sorry Captain... I thought you were trying to take my shirt off and ever since I found out you were a, um, "

"Pedophile," Roy cut in.

"Yes, um, one of those. I had thought you had me hired because you liked young girls and had wanted to, umm... "

Wesker blinked, hard. "... Who the bloody fucking hell told you I was a pedophile? I was trying to show you the proper stance for hand-to-hand because your instructor had left me a note saying- Wait. Who told you that in the first place?!"

"Well.. umm..."

Roy suddenly started laughing again, and fell out of his chair. "Fucking Pedo!"

_'Best. Prank. Ever.'_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Omake number 2:Rebecca and Roy's sparring. Roy had her on the ground, holding her arms, his his leg between hers. "So, what do you want me to do?" Rebecca replied, "I want you to fuck me!" She then began rubbing her knee against his crotch. He grinned, then they started making out and fondling each other.

After a solid minute, they stood up and made their way to the couch. After they made out for a bit longer, Roy couldn't take it. He reach down, grabbed Rebecca's crotch. He felt comething familiar. That shouldn't be there. 'No... No!' He looked down, and saw a familiar bulge.

Rebecca then started rubbing Roy's own bulge, and undid her pants. A familiar, Sproing! sound was heard, and Roy's face fell when he saw what Rebecca had. He then looked at her/his face and said, "What the fuck?! I thought you were a girl!" Rebecca replied, "I'm a boy. Everyone thinks that because of my name and the way I dress. Now, who's gonna be on top first?" He/she giggled, and started rubbing... it.

A familiar, evil laugh (More of a cackle) could be heard echoing, as Roy broke the three-minute mile as he dashed out of Rebecca's apartment, hauling ass to Chris' place. "Does that mean I have to take care of this by myself again?!" Rebecca shouted out the door and down the street, gesturing to her/his cock that was waving about as he/she ran fifteen feet down the street.

"Fine! Fuck you then! Don't expect a blowjob if you come back, you fucking tease!" Rebecca continued to grumble, as he/she walked in, shut the door, and went into the bathoom to repeatedly masturbate, and cry at another lost man who had to be hung like a horse. (Rebecca was a good judge of bulges, since so many guys got them from staring at her/his ass) 'Wonder what Chris will think, when he finds out the girl who gave him a blowjob in the bathroom has a bigger penis than his own...'

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Omake # 3: While Roy and Rebecca were going at it in the mansion, Richard hears something odd. He finds the room the sound is coming from, and kicks down the door, shotgun raised. He was so surprised at what he saw, he dropped his gun. "Uhh... You mind, buddy? Kinda busy here."

'Roy was fucking Rebecca?! And she was on top?! What is this nonsense?!' He almost didn't notice that he'd gotten a boner. "Hey... D'you guys mind if I..."

Rebecca looked over, and said, "No, Richard, I don't do threesomes."

Suddenly, Kenneth poked his head into the room. "Did someone say threesome?"

Rebecca looked at Kenneth, noticing the sizable bulge. 'Not as big as what's in me already... But I'll take it.'

"You know what... I'll make an exception for you, Ken. C'mere, the backdoor is open for business." As he walked over, somehow managing to take off his pants and shirt at the same time without breaking stride, Richard gave Roy a pleading look...

"Sorry, buddy-boy, but I don't swing that way. Looks like you're dying a virgin tonight." He then went back to pounding dat ass, while the whole room seemed to go dark, with a single spotlight centered on Richard.

As Richard walked out, Roy said, "What a fuckin' Kenny."

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Newest Omake!

#4

When Roy and Leon are going through the factory, just where they meet Krauser for the first time, they move cautiously. When they notice something's amiss, they get ready. After dodging Krauser's first attack, they roll to their feet, and Leon shouts,

"Hey, oh, Cap'n Jack, take me back to the rainbow track!" He says, like an idiot, with a stupid grin on his face as he readies his knife.

Krauser, of course, scoffs. "Hah! Get a haircut, Leon! Your Emojitsu is still no match for me!" 'And who's his new boyfriend? ...He's kinda cute. Almost as hot as myself' Krauser thought

I was standing there, going WTF? "Well, if you morons can deviate from the script, so can I!" Roy raises his gun and shoots Krauser in the balls. Then he and Leon leave the whimpering Jack Krauser lying in the fetal position while they keep moving.

Seeing all this, Ada busts out laughing, so hard in fact, she slips on a poorly-welded part of the catwalk and her high-heels finally come back to bite her in the ass. She slips, falls, and winds up being stung up by one of her ankles while her dress falls down, revealing that she was going commando the entire time.

*Beat*

...And that she actually has a penis. Krauser, whilest comepletely mindblown, registers the unnatural fact that hers was bigger than his. Even before he got shot. He then procedes to pull out his gun and shoot himself, unable to handle the humiliation.

Ada watches on with a melancholy expression. 'Now how the fuck am I going to get down from here...?'

...She never suspects the creeping, annoying, hippie-like tentacle-bearing leader of the cultists to be right... behind her...!

'Oh, how I love dickgirls!'

THE, END!


	2. Chapter 1 Waking up dead

Waking Death

Rated M for language, violence, depictions of horrifying scenarios, and possibly for mature content in later chapters. Waking up in a forest in the middle of nowhere, to find out it is June of 1998; and I'm in Raccoon City. What will happen from here? Well… Let's find out. Roll the dice! (Legal info on my page, as well as other goodies)

Also, to the MORON who cannot READ! I already said my piece about the name. I do not own FMA, nor do I claim to. I used the name since it works, I couldn't come up with a better one, and in '98, Fullmetal Alchemist had not yet come out. It will also become a running joke that will come into play later on. Read before you bash, jaggoff. And yes, I'm sorry about the spacing. Microsoft word has been a bitch lately, and I switched to Wordpad. Which is still a bitch, since it somehow resized the text I had already written. I am currently going through all twenty chapters redoing spacing, tezt size, typos, and other errors. Ih you're going to review, have a point. Don't just bash and walk off without saying why.

And 'Mister Mary Sue' who cannot read properly, read EVERYTHING before you go and run off at the mouth. I've studied criminal law for the past four years, and I know copyright laws pretty damn well. This is non-profit, has already stated non-ownership over copyrighted material, and is for entertainment. Not for you to pick apart to feel better about yourself. Geeze, get a life.

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud. They also contain interesting tidbits of information. Some legal, some just plain observations.

Okay, chapter one. Here we go.

…... "Ugh…" 'What the bloody hell just hit me… Anyone get the plates off that semi?' (Unfortunately, no)

"Okay, where am I?" 'First, who am I? Roy. Okay, no concussion. Still hurts like a bitch.' I was currently flat on my back, staring up at a clear blue sky. There were trees all around me. Mostly pine and oak. It was cool, but there were warm spots where sunlight filtered in. As I sat up, I shook my head to clear out the haze and cobwebs. 'Well… I'm not in Kansas. Nor am I at the beach. Okay, check-check. What've I got?' I looked down at myself to see what I had on me. My black cargo pants. Combat boots, with my boot knife in the right one. Under Armor shirt. My watch, (A Seiko Kinetic. Right here I ruled out that I had been kidnapped or robbed. It was a damn nice-looking watch. It said it was 6:17 Am, Wednesday 27th) my necklace, and… Hello. My leather shoulder holster is here. Don't remember putting it on… Eh. My Stoeger Cougar 9 mil was there. With a full mag, and three spares tucked into the pouch.

'Time to see if I'm still paranoid.' I checked the inside of my right leg, and found an ankle holster with three spare magazines in it. 'Okay, so that's at least 105 rounds of nine millimeter… My knife is still in its sheathe, too.'(A Browning model 512 bowie knife) 'Anything I missed? My lock blade in my right pocket, I can see so I've got my glasses… Cleaning cloth, my lighter and compass' (Don't laugh, they're useful) I got to my feet, checked which direction I was facing, and on a whim, went south. 'Okay, there's a slight slope to the ground, so I'm near a hill or a mountain. Guess I'll head downslope and hope for the best.' After walking for about ten minutes, I lucked out and came across the highway. That's when my luck decided to slap me in the face. I say a roadsign, y'know one of the big green ones that tells you where you're going. It read…

Welcome to Raccoon city, 1 mile "…..Fuck me."

So, I decided to see what the date was, and from there I made the mistake of wanting to be a dick. I headed towards the ever-growing silhouette of the city, until I was walking along the streets, about 20 minutes later. The first person I saw was an older gentleman, sitting on a bench reading the paper. I said to him, "Oy. You got today's date, sir?" He looked up, and said "Well sure. It's June 27th, 1998. I do believe today's Wednesday. You new around here, youngster?" "Yeah, I practically just walked in. Thanks, and have a good one." I walked off, scheming a new plan already. I turned back towards the old man. "Oh yeah, hey, you know where I can find the police station?"

Without looking up, he said, "Yeah, head three streets up, hang a right, then take your second left. It'll be the big stone building, ya can't miss it." "Thanks again." I started going the way he had mentioned, and continued planning and plotting. (or plotting and planning?) 'Hmm… Threats? Nah, he won't care. How about blackmail? Works for me,' I narrowly avoided getting hit by an Oldsmobile, (Which I only noticed since the guy was currently flipping me off) and continued on till I reached the station. 'Okay… Time to screw with the known timeline. Hope you're ready, you nazi prick. Not,' With the most evil-looking grin on my face, I walked inside, never looking back, even as the doors slammed shut just behind me. 'Well, then… Let's begin'


	3. Chapter 2 Names and faces

Waking Death

Rated M for language, violence, depictions of horrifying scenarios, and possibly for mature content in later chapters. Waking up in a forest in the middle of nowhere, to find out it is June of 1998; and I'm in Raccoon City. What will happen from here? Well… Let's find out. Roll the dice! (Legal info on my page. I DO NOT own Fullmetal Alchemist, I used the name since I couldn't come up with anything that's more obviously fake)

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

Right! Round two! Here we go, bitches. No Turning back now.

After wiping the stupid look off my face, I walked further into the RPD station, giving a cursory glance at the big statue, and continuing around it to the receptionists' desk. Pulling a plausible story outta my ass, I walked up to the receptionist. (Here, I put on my handsome good-guy face, and was thankful for my buzzcut and sizable biceps) "Good morning, ma'am. I'm Captain Roy Mustang with the US Army. I'm looking for Albert Wesker, you know if he's here today?" (I pulled this one outta my ass, in case you can't tell. No, I **don't own** FMA, and I needed a fake last name that was plausible and sounded epic. Plus FMA hadn't come out yet, so they wouldn't know. It'd also be funny as fuck later on. I hope Wesker reads manga)

Giving me a strange look, 'A captain? He looks a bit young,' she said, "Yes, he's here today. Shall I call him down?" "No, thank you. It's probably better if I just go and surprise him. Thank you, ma'am." Turning away, I pulled up my memory of Resident Evil 2 and started heading to the STARS room. I left her to ponder on how I knew how to get around.

When I reached the door to the room, I heard faint chatter from inside. 'Well, might as well make an entrance' Opening the door, I stepped in, automatically looking to the left, and found his desk empty. Shutting the door, I turned back to the other side of the room, and met the stares of the other STARS members. Deciding to be a bit of a smartass, I said "What? Did I grow a second head I'm not aware of?" Everyone but Chris, Enrico, (Who wasn't there this early) and Rebecca, (Who was looking at something written on the whiteboard) lowered their heads and went back to what they were doing.

Chris looked at me like I was out of place. He then said "Who're you?" (I wonder why...) "Isn't it polite to give your own name before asking someone else's? Captain Roy Mustang, US Army. You know where I can find Wesker?" (I still don't own FMA, so shaddup about it) "It's Chris Redfield. He went to talk to Chief Irons." (At the mention of his name, everyone in the room shivered a little) "Lovely. Well, I guess I'll hang around here till he gets back." Pulling up Wesker's chair, I sat down, rolled my shoulders, and started cracking my knuckles. "Uh… Roy, that's Wesker's chair. He gets really pissed whenever he catches anyone else in it," Chris stated. "I know."

I checked my watch. "Are you trying to provoke him?" "Nope. Just getting his attention. Considering even Wesker can't stand Irons, I figure he'll be back long before I can get comfortable." As if on cue, the door opened, and in walked everyone's favorite blonde dictator-wannabe. I noticed his eyebrow twitch when he saw me in his chair, and I had to struggle to maintain my blank facial expression. He walked over, and said in his trademark monotone, "That's MY chair you're sitting in. Get up." Languidly standing up, I walked up to him, standing roughly an inch or two shorter than him, but being far more toned in musculature. "No point. You ain't got time to enjoy it. C'mon, we need to have a little chat. In private." I stepped right up to him, so only he could hear what I was about to say. I whispered, practically right in his ear, "It's about a certain Umbrella research facility in the Raccoon Forest, conveniently disguised as a mansion."

Even under his sunglasses, I saw his eyes had shot wide open. Stepping back slightly, I said in a normal voice, "You're gonna wanna hear this, Alby." I then started towards the door, not looking back. I knew he'd follow me. And I was right. As I stepped out, I heard him step into the hall, and shut the door behind us. "You'd better have a damn good reason for this," he hissed. "I do. You'll agree to it. Trust me on that, Alby."


	4. Chapter 3 Deal with the devil

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

Oomph... Oh… okay… R-round three. Stick 'em up!

Wesker lead the way to a back room. After we walked in, (Stop thinking yaoi thoughts, you damn perverts!) Wesker pinned me to the wall with his glare. After smiling innocently for a minute, I said, "Alright. First, I'm not here for money. I am a former US Army Special Forces operator. My name is Roy Mustang. (NO! I still don't own Fullmetal Alchemist! Geeze, y'all are blockheads) I currently work private security for a certain rich, eccentric old man with an interest in Bio-organic weapons. He caught word that Umbrella was doing research into the subject, and had me, at great expense, look into the matter. He is considering purchasing certain projects from umbrella, but wants an unbiased opinion on their abilities. So, he has hired me to investigate, at great personal expense."

I paused, waiting for him to process what I've said. (And to catch my breath) "Furthermore, my investigations have revealed much of Umbrella's workings, and their corruption. However, that is of little interest to me or my boss. So, well… I'll get to the point. You look rather bored. Was that a yawn?" "Shut up and get to it already." "Geeze, no sense of humor. Wanna borrow mine? No? Okay, then. I'm not the type to work from the shadows, so I figured I'd do as I always have; throw myself headfirst into the fray. I already know what you're planning to do with the Stars team," At this, he quirked an eyebrow. "And I wish to be added to their ranks, to witness Umbrella's BOW's firsthand. After this, I shall file my report, and collect a nice, big fat paycheck with my name on it, before retiring somewhere sunny. Now, as to your involvement…"

I grinned evilly. (Which is pretty damn evil, considering he actually flinched) "I have, during my investigation, acquired certain documents, photographs, and data that would be of great consequence to Umbrella's plans, and even their existence, considering human experimentation. In exchange for keeping my mouth shut, and those records hidden, you're to hire me onto STARS Bravo team. We'll sweat the details later with Irons."

"Hmph. And what makes you think that-" I held up a hand. "Hold it right there. I know what you're thinking. No, killing me won't work. I have several individuals stationed around. They currently have the information, and if I do not give each of them a certain signal by sundown today, everything we have will be on the six o'clock news from DC to Vancouver by Friday. Besides… I'm fully aware that you are one of the surviving members of the Wesker Children project. And that you're an avid martial artist. You can't beat me barehanded, and most certainly cannot in armed CQC. Don't try. You'll get hurt." His eyes narrowed, and I was certain that if he could shoot lazer-beams from them, he would've.

"I should also mention that I know you intend to betray Umbrella." I said this with a smile and head-tilt. His jaw dropped, his discipline broke, and I'm sure that somewhere, somehow, Satan himself was suffering shrinkage, and laughing his ass off. "Why yes, Mr. Wesker… I do know the future. And you might want to pick your jaw up off the floor. It's quite dirty." After shutting his mouth, his mask fell back into place. "And if I agree to your proposal? What's to stop you from distributing those documents anyway?" "Well, the fact that I'm not being paid to spread them, and that I don't give a shit if Umbrella wants to take over the world. Since it wouldn't benefit me or my boss, I won't. Now, do we have a deal, Wesker?" I held out my left hand, symbolic of a deal with the devil. After a minute, he took it. We shook. Inwardly, I was grinning maniacally. 'Gonna have some fun with this'

"Let's go tell the others, eh? Then we'll deal with the hollering asshole." "…I cannot stand that buffoon. Why should I-" "Don't worry; it's only a matter of time till he kicks the bucket." He quirked an eyebrow, again. I smiled, opened the door, and walked out, heading towards the STARS room.

'This is going to be a pain in my ass later…' Wesker thought to himself, shaking his head. 'I think I will get a bottle of aspirin before dealing with them...'


	5. Chapter 4 New introductions

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

I… can't… feel… my… nuts… ow…! Numbah Foorr!(Number 4)

Upon entering the STARS room, I stepped in front of Wesker's desk, whistling a cheeky tune, facing the rest of the STARS members. Wesker walked in, and with a dour look on his face, as if someone was forcing him to eat shit, (I wish) he said, "I have an announcement. As of today, we will be adding another member to STARS Bravo team." Seeing the chance for some tomfoolery, I said, "That'd be me. I think I'm smart enough to handle my own introduction, Uncle Wesker." At this, everyone's eyes grew to the size of saucers. You could practically hear Wesker's neck creak as he turned his head to face me.

Wearing my classic tongue-in-cheek face, I said, "Yeah, we related, although we look nothing alike. Funny, huh?" looking like he wanted to beat me to death with my own arms, Wesker said, "…Yes, my idiot nephew had nowhere to go, and couldn't get a job. So he came here and begged me to get him one." Wearing a smug grin, as if he'd just crushed an opponent at battleship, Wesker sauntered up to his desk and sat down, swinging his feet up on the desk looking like everyone's favorite general. "Aw, shucks, Uncle. You don't have to lie for me. Y'see, he's been feeling real lonely ever since his wife left him, and since I left the military, I felt I should get reacquainted with my only remaining family member."

You could practically feel everyone's sympathy-stare shifting from me to him. "What's really sad is that the crazy bitch won't let him see his son… it's tragic, really." I could barely contain my laughter, and I could feel his glare on the back of my skull, even as I wiped a fake tear from my eye. "As I said before, my name is Roy Mustang, retired US Army Captain. I'll be Bravo's new pointman, designated marksman, and close-quarters expert. It's a pleasure to meet all of you." I then shifted everyone's attention back to my usual RE comic relief regime, and started at the top.

"Well, let's see if my memory serves properly from Uncle's stories. There's Chris Redfield, the marksman with a sister complex. (His jaw dropped and face reddened, from anger or embarassment I couldn't tell) Jill valentine, the easily distracted. Hey, look, a leprechaun. (She didn't fall for it) Enrico, the stalwart but easily manipulated leader of Bravo team. There's Brad, the chickenheart. Or did you call him a chickenshit, Uncle?" Wesker's face remained blank, but the corner of his mouth twitched up for a second.

"Well, whatever. There're Joseph and Forest, the pranksters. (They both grinned at this) And Richard, or Good Dick, as opposed to Evil Dick (I counted on the fact that they would get this reference when the show Big Brother came on. Also, I don't own it. It was a joke). Whatta Boy Scout. And a virgin. (This was accompanied with guffaws of laughter from a few of the STARS members) There's Rebecca, the newbie. Or is that me? Well, guess that makes her Rebecca the cutie. And objections, Becky?" The red-faced medic shouted, "Hey!-"

"No? None? Good. Then we have Barry, the sandwich/gun-lover" At this, he shrugged, and said, "Nothing wrong with that." I nodded. "We also have Kenneth, the one-whom-I-have-no-smartass-comment-for. Bully for you." "And then last, but not least, there's Edward, the forgettable." At this, I looked around a bit, pretending not to see him. "Huh? Hey, where's Edward?" Edward scowled, and I then said, "There you are! Or… wait. You sure you're Edward? I can't remember what you look like. Well, whatever. You'll do." After this, everyone was either scowling or grinning, and I had officially struck my place in STARS. "Well, if y'all will excuse me, I've got a hollerin' Asshole to deal with. C'mon Uncle Wesker." And I walked out the door, with Wesker following, looking like he was heading to the gallows. 'This is more fun than I thought it'd be. And all in one day! Hehehe… This is gonna be fun.'


	6. Chapter 5 That hollerin' A Hole

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

Ahh... Wait. What? Again? WTF, woman! This is the fifth time in a row! Lemme rest, damnit! No.. It hurts... NOOOOO! *Scrunch* #5 Pain... Pain pain pain pain...

"Why did you tell them I was your uncle?" I could feel Wesker's stare on the back of my head.(It felt right violating. Ugh...) "Well, I wasn't planning on it. I let my mask take over and improvised. Thanks for playing along. At least it gives us a plausible reason for my being here. Don't worry, I sure as hell ain't living with you." At this, I could practically feel the sigh of relief he let out. Five feet away. "Well thank god for small mercies." We walked on, heading towards Chief Irons' office. "You do know he isn't going to like this, do you not?" "I know. But that's why you and Umbrella keep sending him those fat envelopes, right?" (He blinked. I could feel it)

We reached Irons' office without further incident. (Except where I made a gratuitous comedy sound just as he bent to retie one of his boots. It also just happened to echo down the hallway since it was so quiet. And we were maybe fifteen feet away from a trio of female officers getting coffee, who all blushed and moved further down the hall from us, while I tried to hold in my laughter. Tried, and failed. Miserably)

When we reached his office, Wesker knocked, waited half a tic, then walked in. With me right behind him, wearing my patented Cheeky Bastard face. Irons looked up from his desk, where he was writing a memo to his secretary. (It involved something along the lines of "How difficult is your job? Do I need to fire you, and blah blah blah...") Wesker cleared his throat when Irons stared at me for a solid minute without saying anything. "Chief, this is my Nephew, Roy. He recently left the military, and moved here to live near his favorite uncle. He asked if I knew any place he might find a job, and I do believe STARS could use someone of his expertise."

Irons' eyes looked like they would bug out of his head. "Are you outta your goddamned mind? I just hired a damn schoolgirl for STARS, and at a wage better'n half the officers in this department! Why in Sam hill would I pay to give your freeloading family a job?" Right here I decided to cut in before this got uglier than the Chief's face. "For the reason that I've got all the training needed for a SWAT team member, and that it would be bad if the public found out that you've been taking checks from Umbrella." His eyes grew from the size of saucers to that of dinner plates. (Not litterally, but damn close)

"I don't need a large amount of money. Minimum wage pay is fine. In cash. I'll be a full acting member of STARS, however, I won't be working here long enough for you to worry about a pension. I'll be leaving the city to my next military deployment sometime in December. Now, in exchange for this, I'll keep your little indiscretions to myself." He looked like I had got up, shit on his desk, and told him to eat it. (Again, I wish) Wesker looked rather smug. Like the fat prick was finally getting what he deserved.

"Hmph. So either I hire you or you go and blab to everyone. But can you prove it, brat?" He had this nasty, smug look on his face. So, I decided to be a jaggoff and show off what I remembered from Resident Evil 2. "Yeah. I can also show everyone what's hidden beneath that statue out front. Or what's inside the clocktower. Or, how about what happens when you line up those two statues in that one room by the stairs." He was officially pissed. And shocked. 'Time to up the ante...'


	7. Chapter 6 Leverage

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

Silence... Ugh... I'm.. gonna die... "No you aren't. Now be quiet and get it up for me." Shot number 6

"There were also two red stones, althought I don't remember what exactly they were for. Ah, well. Not important. What is important is that I am in possession of certain documents and records that Umbrella has kept. Financial records, mostly. But they describe certain transactions in minute detail that would be of great interest to the public. And great distress to both the company, and every dirty politician they send checks to. I may be willing to sell those to you at a later date, when I no longer need leverage against you or the company. But for now, I have you under my thumb. So just play along, and we'll all get along just fine." I said that last bit with a smile and head-tilt. Never fails. He sat back, looking ten years older than he was a moment ago. "Fine. But don't think I won't have you working your ass off for this. I'm not going to pay an officer that doesn't do his damn job."

(See?) "Works for me. Minimum wage paycheck, in cash because I haven't set up a bank account here, and that's about it. Thank you for your time, chief. C'mon, Uncle." Wesker had remained silent the entire time, which was unusual. After we walked out and closed the door, walking towards the STARS room, Wesker looked at me and said, "Do you really plan on selling him Umbrella's financial records? And how do you know so much about this building?" "For one, hell no. You can't trust that lard-ass as far as you can throw him. Although it will keep him off my back, since he won't wanna piss me off too much. For two, because I'm fucking psychic." I deadpanned. His usual scowl replaced his look of curiosity. (Which means his quirked eyebrow went back down) "You can always use leverage. It never goes bad. C'mon, I wanna prank Brad before the day is out." I walked on while Wesker remained where he was, thinking to himself. 'Just who the hell is he? Damn punk. He's the monkey wrench some idiot always has to throw into my plans. He's as bad as that damn russian.'

After walking back into the STARS room, I discovered that Brad had gone to the bathroom. Pefect timing. After Wesker walked in, saw me hiding just behind the door, he wlked over and sat at his desk. He then started rubbing his temples, like he had a headache. While I stood just behind where the door would be when opened, roughly in the blind spot of anyone who walked in, I waited for Brad to come back. Most of the other STARS members stared at me for a moment, then figured that they would find out what I was up to eventually. (This was because I had a stupid-looking grin on my face, and was silently chuckling to myself)

After five more minutes, I could faintly hear footsteps from down the hall. When Brad opened the door, he walked in and shut it, without ever looking to his left. He was walking towards his desk, unaware that I was right behind him. I then crept right up to his back, silent as the grave, and shouted at the top of my lungs, "I'VE GOT A KNIFE!" Brad then jumped, screamed like a little girl, started to run, and tripped before he got five feet, landing flat on his face. Everyone in the room, sans Enrico, (Because he was above such petty jokes) Wesker, (Who had no sense of humor) and Brad, (because he was scared shitless) was either laughing out loud or stifling said laughter.

Between giggles, Jill said, "Th-that's just wrooong." Chris looked extremely impressed, except he was laughing so hard, tears were streaming down his face. "How did you know?!" Chris managed to gasp out, despite his laughing fit. I grinned, and said nothing, offering Brad my hand. (He was still on the floor, hyperventillating. A few years back, he had nearly been stabbed while working as a beat cop) "It's okay, Brad. Just a friendly prank. If you wanna go change your pants, now's the time."

And thus, everyone resumed laughing. Hell, even Enrico cracked a smile at that one.(Not really. He wasn't paying attention) Brad looked indignant as he stood up. (There wasn't a wet spot on his pants. Though there might've been if he hadn't just emptied his bladder. This event was homage to OfficerKennedy, who is a great writer with my sense of humor. I'd reccomend you read his "25 things I'm not allowed to do." I added this 'cuz it was funny as hell, and fits my character, and had little else to write. Great work, OfficerKennedy!) Chuckling to myself, 'Well, now everyone's gonna be a bit suspicious as to how I know these things. Or will be eventually. Ah, well. I'm gonna have to set up a place to stay, too. But I think I have a solution to that...'

The rest of the work day was uneventful. (Well, not really. But it was too epic to be described in words) After everyone but myself and Wesker had left, I decided on one of two people to shack up with using my skills of pursuasion. I said to wesker, "Hey. You have Rebecca's address?" Wesker looked shocked. (Well, for him that means his eyebrows went up about a centimeter for a moment) "Yes. Why?" "I said I'm not staying with you, and I figured it'd be better if the two newbies got to know each other." "And how do you intend to convince her to let you live with her, exactly?" "Easy. She already thinks I'm cute, so pursuading her is relatively easy."

"You do know that the RPD has a no-fraternization rule?" "Yeah, yeah. Our fraternizing won't interfere with work." (Not yet, anyway... heheheh) Wesker scribbled something down on a sheet of paper and ripped it out, handing it to me. "I'll see about your uniform later this week. Talk to Barry tomorrow about your sidearm. Don't cause any more trouble than you already have." "I'll try, Uncle dearest." As I walked out the door, heading towards the lobby, 'Hmm... How will I convince Rebecca to let me stay there... Dunno. If that doesn't work, I'll hit up Chris' house. That should be a lotta fun...' I thought dryly, hoping his sister was still at college if I did have to go there.

I did NOT want to wind up walking in on her with her brother within ten miles.


	8. Chapter 7 Girl next door

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

"And... now for number 7." It hurts... so much... Conscienceness... fading... "Shaddup and pay attention to what you're doing." Chapter 7

After wandering around Raccoon for half an hour, I managed to find the address Wesker had written down. It was a rather nice looking place, (Two story, green, rather large. I'd wager it was around 700 a month. Expensive, considering she was only hired to the RPD in the last month or two) considering she had only started working. Wesker had also informed me that she lived alone. 'Well, that makes matters easier. I think...' I headed up to the door and knocked. After about a minute and a half, the door opened, revealing a slightly disheaveled Rebecca, wearing sweats and a tank top. (At a guess, she had been working out) "Oh, hey. Um, what're you doing here?" She looked a bit embarrassed at what she was wearing. But then, she was always embarassed when talking with a guy. "It's a long story. Mind if I sit down? I've been wandering around the city for the better part of the hour trying to find this place." She nodded, opening the door further and motioning me inside.

Walking inside, I was pleased to see that my assumptions on her cleaning habits were spot on; The place was serviceable, but far from being white-glove ready. In a phrase, it was lived-in. Homely. The linoleum in the entryway was black, with a brown rug. The carpeting further on was beige, and fairly standard. There were four pairs of shoes in the entryway, including her combat boots. After removing my boots, I followed her further inside. Turning right, there was a mini kitchen in the right-hand corner of my vision, and to my left was the living room, with a couch, recliner and a moderately sized TV.

Rebecca walked over to the kitchen, pulling a two-liter of coke from the fridge and getting two glasses down from the cabinet above the sink. While she poured the drinks, I walked over and sat on the couch, deciding not to kick my feet up on the coffee table. I noticed a picture of Rebecca and, aparently, her mother on the endtable on the other side of the couch. Leaning forward on my haunches, I watched silently as Becky walked over with the drinks. (Long-assed description here, eh? Well, I was bored and stalling for inspiration) 'Man... Young or not, she's quite ample' I noted in the back of my head, noticing that she wasn't wearing a bra. (My guy-senses at work)

After handing me one of the glasses, she sat in the recliner and gave me a quizzical look as I drained about a quarter of the glass. She stared at me for a moment before asking, "So, why are you here?" I considered playing sympathy, but decided to try something a bit more plausible. After that, I said, "Well, when I said long story, I meant it. Wesker had said he could help me find a good job, but never said he'd let me stay at his place. Which was stupidity on my part, especially considering my Uncle's lacking sense of humor. And his penchant for technicalities. He wanted to get back at me for nor visiting him in the last five years, and telling me to sleep outside is his way of doing so. Like I said, he lacks my sense of humor and good nature. When I didn't immediately walk away, he told me to go shack up with you or Redfield, since he believes that I should procreate soon to continue our family line. He's never been real tactful, but even I was stunned by that statement long enough for him to shut the door in my face."

"Umm... Wow. So he told you to come beg me for a place to stay?" "Effectively. 'Course, he also pretty much told me to go get laid, so I'm not sure if he meant that litterally, or if he was trying to make a joke." Rebecca sat there for a solid minute, not saying anything. I wondered if she was going to tell me to get out, but I didn't have enough time to continue that train of thought. "So which reason are you here right now? A place to sleep, or a person to sleep with?" She asked, with a completely blank face. Red, but blank. I thought on that for a moment. "Right now, I'm more concerned with having a place to stay than finding a lover. Hey, you're real cute, but I haven't known you long enough to have an informed opinion on the subject." I shrugged.

Rebecca was quiet for a few moments. Then she sighed. "Alright, you can stay here. For tonight, at least." "Thanks, Becks. I'll try not to be a nuisance." I grinned my well-known happy-go-lucky-but-cheeky-kid grin. 'Somehow I get the feeling I'm going to regret this...' Rebecca thought. "Why exactly did Captain Wesker tell you to pick me or Chris' house, anyway?"

"Because, for one, you're really cute, and he holds your appearance and intellect in high regard. He's the type that sees marriage as breeding instead of love. I believe he also thought I would jump you the first chance I got. And Chris because he'd help me out with a couch to crash on, and has a cute sister around my age. Wesker probably thinks I'd pounce on Claire with her brother still in the same room," I joked. "Okay... Wow, um. Do you have some sort of reputation as a... um..." She was grasping for the right words, but failing as her natural shyness kicked in.

"Horny bastard? Yes. But for reasons other than the ones you're thinking." Rebecca blushed a darker shade of crimson than the one she already was. (She had been growing steadily redder since she first asked me if I was looking for a bed or a bed partner. I had been politely pretending not to notice) "It's a very, very long and boring story, but I promise to tell it to you someday." (It'd probably be the same day we started sleeping with each other. Wonder if that'll ever happen... Eh. Probably not)

"Well, alright. But I'm holding you to that." Once again, I smiled. "Thanks again, Becky. By the way, nice outfit. Were you working out?" She blushed even harder. I was starting to wonder if she'd get a nosebleed. "H-hey! Stop staring!" She then did what any and every shy female does when you flatter them. Blush, and attempt to cover their entire body with their arms. At this, I chuckled a bit, and took another drink.

After a few moments, she calmed down a bit and realized I was making a joke. "Say, where are your bags? And it's Rebecca, not Becky." I chuckled again, then replied, "Very well, Rebecca. What you see is what I have. Nearly everything else I had was either military issued, or left in storage. I don't have a bank account here, so I can't go and purchase a new wardrobe anytime soon. Hell, can't even afford a decent meal yet."

"... So you're going to be staying here and freeloading." "Hey hey, it's only temporary. Give it a month or so and I'll be able to compensate you for it. Geeze. And here I thought Uncle was stingy." She looked like she had something on her mind, (Her eyes float skyward, and her head tilts slightly. Means she's deep in thought) "Penny for your thoughts?" "I was wondering why you chose to come here instead of to Chris' place." "Oh? That's easy. You're cuter." I smiled again, which made her blush. Fun, fun.

"Also, because Chris would've gotten pissed when I told him about the second reason Wesker sent me. I wouldn't be able to resist making a joke out of it, and he would've freaked if he thought I was hitting on him. And he really would've flipped his lid if he knew I meant his sister." I chuckled, thinking of his facial expressions. (He kinda looked like a carton character when he was really pissed)

"That, and the other reason was because I figured you might be kinda lonely living on your own. This is the first time you've really lived in a house all on your own, right?" Rebecca seemed a little shocked by that, judging by the shocked look on her face. (I'm very perceptive, believe you me) "So? Think you'd enjoy having someone around to talk to?" After a moment, "Yeah, I guess." 'Is this guy some sorta mind reader? How does he seem to know exactly what I'm thinking?' "Say, you were working out, right?" I said this at this exact time, since she seemed knee-deep in thought. "You want me to give you a real workout?" (I deliberately said this in a way that could be misinterpreted, if you can tell) As expected, she blushed hard enough that I was fairly certain she could be seen from orbit, and I chuckled to myself as I stood up and removed my jacket, then my shoulder holster, placing them both on the couch where I had been sitting. I then turned towards Rebecca, whose eyes had grown to the size of saucers. She looked like a deer in headlights. (Which wasn't really saying much, but I did enjoy teasing her) I walked over to her, held out my hand and said, "C'mon, let's dance. You look like you could use a bit more training in hand-to-hand."

'This should be fun,' I thought to myself as she stood up, trying to shake unspeakable thoughts from her head.


	9. Chapter 8 Practice?

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

I'm telling you... I can't do it any more... "Fine. Then you're going to watch me do it by myself until you can." Number 8

I lead Rebecca to an uncluttered area of her living room, which was carpeted and a couple meters from the kitchen or the couch. I took my neutral stance, which is standing with knees bent, shoulders hunched, head tilted toward my oponent, arms up, hands open. (Your arms cover most of your torso, hands are open to allow any type of strike, whether it be a grab, punch or slap. You also turn your body so your off-hand shoulder faces your oponent, using the same methodology as swordplay/knife-fighting)

I waited for Rebecca to take her stance, (Which was standard CQC form taught in most police academies, focused on office survival and non-lethal takedowns, against armed and unarmed oponents. Fairly simple street fighting that includes grabs and pain-compliance techniques) "C'mon little girl. Show me what you've learned," I taunted. Her eye twitched, signifying annoyance. She rushed forward, leading with her left side, and threw a right hook. I ducked the first swing, and instead of hopping back as SOP's dictates, (This is to allow you more time to study the way your enemy fights, see how they react, and how much of an opening each miss leaves) I charged forward, shoulder-first into her stomache, knocking her on her ass.

I then stepped backward and resumed neutral stance. "Whatsamatter barbie girl? You outta breath already?" I chuckled. "Just waiting for you to help me up like a real gentleman would," Rebecca taunted back. Inside, she was fuming. 'That really freakin hurt! Is he just messing with me? And what the fuck does he mean by barbie girl?' "Hah hah! I'm not falling for that old trick, Rebecca. You might as well have said -please let me kick you in the balls.-"

"Worth a try." She got up, retaking the same stance she had earlier. 'Damn! And here I thought that would work. Does he have any weaknesses? And what the hell kind of style is that?' I watched as she stopped swaying, and her eyes glazed over. 'She's knee-deep in thought again. I'll have to warn her about that. If I attacked now, she'd never be able to react quick enough. But thinking her way out of a situation is her specialty, so I guess I'll let it pass this time...'

I waited, shifting my weight from foot to foot every ten seconds. After a solid minute, I called out, "Hey Becky! You get lost in there or something?" Once again, her eye twitched, and her gaze returned to me. "Nope. Just wondering how-" She stopped midsentence, rushing forward twice as fast as she did last time. 'Quick little imp...' I debated whether I should just side-step her, or plunge her face onto the floor. 'Neither.' As she reached me, (Which was less than .75 of a second, which shows how quickly my mind processes things)

She had pulled her right fist back, the same thing she had done the first time. However, she had also pulled her left leg back slightly. 'Not falling for this old trick...' I hopped backwards, and her sweep-kick missed, leaving me a perfect view of her wide-open back. (And ass. I considered groping her at this point, but decided I'd leave that lesson for later. I also considered a joke attack I saw on Naruto once... Would've been funny as shit, anyway) I quickly stepped forward, bringing my arms under her armpits and upward, then behind her head, interlacing my fingers. "Gotcha! Didn't they teach you at the academy that you should never let your enemy get behind you? Especially such a cute little thing like you."

She struggled in my grip for a few moments, then went completely limp, sagging in my arms. "Huh. Thought you'd be heavier than that." her entire body went rigid for less than a quarter of a second, then she swung her right leg up, and brought it back into my shin. Hard. "Ngh.. That hurt, damnit." I increased pressure on her limbs, forcing her head forward a bit. It was a good thing she was small, or it would've been quite painful. "Say uncle and I'll letcha go." "Hell no!" She began wriggling again, and I had to readjust my grip, as her butt was rubbing against my crotch (In sweat pants that looked sprayed on, and were very thin. It felt... wonderful...) and it took an ungodly amount of effort not to grind back.

"Ow, ow! Okay! Uncle! Uncle!" She shouted. And I then released my grip, and stepped back. "Geeze! That really hurt..." She was saying, while rubbing the back of her neck. "Sorry. You alright? You did pretty good, kid. Good match." I held out my right hand. She took it, but instead of shaking, she quickly stepped forward, kicking my right foot out from under me, while pulling me forward. I caught myself with my left hand, when she shoved her knee into the small of my back while pulling my arm behind me, pushing me onto the floor. This is a grapple that would have most would-be criminals, but I was made of tougher stuff.

As she dug her knee into my back, she pulled my arm further back, nearly as far as it can go before dislocation. "Say uncle and I'll letcha go," She said, with a cheeky grin and a cheerful attitude I could feel radiating off of her. "And if I refuse? What'll you do to me, you scary officer?" I taunted. "Then I'll dislocate your shoulder," She replied, with that selfsame cheeky monkey grin, albeit with a blush. At this point, most people would give up. Me? No. I've got too much stubborn-ass in me.

I said, "How about neither?" I did what most sane people would consider stupid. I rolled towards her, letting me push with my left arm and get my leg under me, while also putting me on top of her. Because I weigh somewhere around 190 or so, which is about half as much again as she did, I had her pinned under me. (Also, this is one of the few ways to get out of that grab. It's roughly a 50-50 chance of having your shoulder dislocated in the process, but it's better than garunteed dislocation. You have to be pretty strong, and you force your right arm to bend at the elbow while pulling it up, above your head and away from whoever has you in the lock. Difficult, but easier than fighting while trying to pop your shoulder back in)

"Ahh! Get off! You're too heavy!" I grinned, then rolled over, grabbed both her arms, placed one knee between her legs, pressed the other against her leg, (To keep her from kicking me in the crotch) and said, "Gotcha again." I had also leaned forward, putting me face within three inches of hers, I then smiled and said, "So, how do you plan to get out of this?"

Her face was bright red, her eyes were wide, and her heart was hammering. 'Well... this was easier than expected... Wonder how far she'll want to go, hmm?' "What's the matter, Rebecca? Your face is all red." "I.. um, err..." 'This is fun! I never knew it would be this easy to get her all hot and bothered' "Rebecca? Is there something you want?" Still playing innocent, inside I was laughing my ass off. And honestly considering boning her here and now.

Instead, I waited for her to spit out what she was trying to say. "I want, um... want you to uh, get off of me..." "You want me to get off you, or get you off?" I asked. With an innocent-looking smile, I might add. Her face went so red I could feel the heat radiating off of her. Judging from how her eyes went even wider, and her face went slack, her mind had gone entirely blank.

Chuckling, right here I decided to stop toying with her. I leaned even further forward, (The closer I went, the bigger her eyes got) Then said, "You did pretty good, Rebecca. Well done." I kissed her forehead, then let go of her and stood up, offering her my hand. (While smiling, I should add. And standing in such a way as to hide my slight erection) After staring at my hand for about a minute and a half, (I think she was waiting for her heart to stop pounding) she reached up and took it.

Chuckling to myself, I waited for her to regain her composure. I then said, "You did better than I expected. Wesker wasn't kidding when he said you were a prodigy. You made mistakes, but nothing too bad. First, you stopped to think and come up with a plan when you found your first tactic wouldn't work. Good, but when you did, you made the biggest mistake possible. You stopped paying attention to the fight. Do that against a real enemy, and you'll be dead before you realise what happened."

I hardened my features into a scowl to get my point across. She looked like a scolded child for a brief moment, before I went crosseyed and she started giggling. "The next thing was when you charged forward. I could've simply side-stepped you and put a knife in your back, or I may have flipped you ass over tea-kettle and sent you flying. The second time, you did good to use a distraction, and it would've worked well against nearly anyone else, but not against a master of hand-to-hand. Now, that grapple you used was good, but don't use it against someone my size or bigger, as they can simply flip over onto you and stay there till you pass out. When you're in a lock like the one I did, you need to kick them in the kneecap, hard. Your goal is to shatter it and force them to fall, thus breaking their grip. A shin kick won't work unless you fracture it. Stomping on their toes is good against someone undisciplined, but not against someone who's been trained. Any questions?"

"Yeah, um, what style of fighting was that? and, umm..." Her face went beet red again. "When you held me from behind, uhh... what was poking me...?" "... uh... Well... y'see, when you kept struggling and wriggling around, ah, your backside kept rubbing up against my crotch and um... well. Ahem. The answer to your other question, I use a variant of Wing-chun kung fu, (It's a defensive style, not reliant upon great physical strength or body weight. Often taught to women to protect themselves) and have added many different techniques and principles from various other schools over time, to allow a way of fighting that is adaptable to nearly any situation, and has no drawbacks in efficiency. Um, why is your face so red?"

She said nothing, but stared at my crotch for a few moments, before quickly looking away when she realised I had seen her looking. "Hey, hey. I'm not the pervert here. You were rubbing against me." She started blushing again. "Not that I'm complaining." I grinned. She turned a brighter shade of red. "Y'know, becky, if you wanted to flirt with me, you don't have to go that far." I was a good five feet away, but I could feel her body heating up. Especially her face.

"You know, Rebecca, you seem to be quite shy. Did you have a very sheltered childhood or something?" Distracted from the pounding in her chest for a moment, she said, "Um, no, I was just never really social. I was always in classes with other students much older than me, so I didn't have many friends." "Ah. Sorry. Well, just so we're clear, just about everyone in STARS is your friend. Willing to be, anyway. The only exception is Wesker, 'cuz he's a bit of a prick and a pedoph... Oops. Wasn't supposed to say that..." (Aahahahahahahahaaa! This was going to be funny as fuck later on!)

Her eyes shot wide open, the size of... well, soccer balls. "Wesker's a pedophile?!" Her jaw dropped "Err, I wasn't supposed to tell you that... Oh well. He has a thing for young girls, and it's come back to bite his ass a few times. It's why he isn't with his wife or son anymore. And... Well, you already know that, so here's the other secret no one knows. (I looked left, then right, then at her, leaning forward) The reason he wears sunglasses is because he's blind in one eye." (Oh, oh, this is rich. He'll try to kill me later for this. Oh, well... Hahahahahaha!)

"Just don't tell anyone. And don't be alone with him for more than half an hour." Rebecca was stunned. 'The stalwart captain was attracted to children? Was that why he had her hired?' After making sure my deadpan face wasn't going to crack, I said, "Don't tell anyone. He works really hard to get over his urges, and hasn't had any major incidents. At least, none that I know of..." 'Oh, I am evil. When people hear this, it's going to be funny as all fucking hell...'

Good thing Rebecca can't keep her trap shut to save her life.

Next chapter is Author commentary. Read or skip, based on your prefrences. It'll be funny, I promise.


	10. Chapter 9 Seeing the future

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

... Baby, come here for a sec. "Oh? Did I get you riled up again? How about I just- Gurck! Augh...!" Shaddup and keep sucking... Fucking tease. It begins again! Number 9

The year is 2008. All the Umbrella survivors have gathered at Chris and Jill's house, speciffically their dining room, which had the only table big enough to seat everyone. ("Everyone" being Chris, Jill, Claire, Leon, Barry, Roy, Rebecca, Carlos, Billy, Ark, and Sherry) Roy looks older, hair short but borderline military standard. He has a slight 5 o'clock shadow, from a shave the day before. His attire hasn't changed much, still the same look. Cargo pants, white t-shirt, bulletproof vest underneath, boots with pants tucked in, shoulder holster, albeit empty of weapon, with a jacket draped on his chair. However, his personality has hardened slightly, but still shows much of his inner-smartass. He seems more mature, but is still a child at heart, which is why he's still loved by many.

Chris had been staring daggers at Roy for a few years now, and today was no different. It took him until just after the events in Antarctica to figure out Roy had been lying about his past, and since trying to attack him, (And failing) he has mistrusted him since. Despite his actions against Umbrella, it has to be said.

'Well, Chris still wants to mount my head on the wall, so that hasn't changed... Jill doesn't trust me, but she isn't hostile about it. Most of the others are more curious than anything, but they're all being cautious... ' The only exception to this was Rebecca, since she had been around him the most, and had been told some of the story they were all about to hear today.

'Billy's thoughts: I don't like this. He has all of us here. Feels too much like a trap, even if he did hand his gun to Leon.'

'Hmm... what're my options... The truth? Hell, no. They sure as shit won't believe that. Then... Hm. The future? Fucket. Better'n nothing.' "Well, might as well start. You're all here because Chris sniffed out my little game a few years back, and has since then tattooed a target on my ass." "Damn right, you lying sonofabitch! You're the only one here who is hunted by Umbrella that lied about your past." "For good reason."

"Good reason? Yeah, you're a spy working for Umbrella!" Chris stood up, knocking his chair a good three feet back. I never twitched. Leon came to Chris' rescue, stopping him from starting a fight (Which he would lose. Badly, even if he could punch the shit out of boulders) "Enough, Chris! Attacking him won't help. He called us all here for a reason, not to start a fight." "Hmph! More like to get us all in one place..." Chris muttered, retaking his seat, still glaring at me. "Thanks, Leon. Chris, and, if my instincts are still sharp, Billy, are right to be suspicious of me. I kept things from you all, and called everyone into one spot. If I was an agent of Umbrella's, this'd be the perfect time for them to come banging on their tom-toms and raid us like the old apaches."

Everyone's eyes bugged out, frantically looking at windows and doors, starting to panic. "Enough! If they were going to be here, they'd've gotten here by now. We've been sitting around for the better part of an hour already." Chris stopped midlunge, his arms outstretched for my neck. After clearing my throat, everyone retook their seats.

The only ones who didn't panic were Leon, Rebecca, (Because they were in on it) and Chris. (Since he was trying to strangle me) After waiting for everyone to take a drink and refocus on me, I said, "As you've all figured out, I'm neither from the military nor am I related to Wesker." I paused, trying to get my thoughts in order. "From here on out, what I am about to tell you never leaves this room."

I paused for effect. "I, am from the future." I waited for everyone, (Except Leon, Jill, and Rebecca) to stop their laughing. "Oh, you had us going for a minute there." Barry was still chuckling, after a good five minutes. "I'm completely serious. I am from roughly nine years in the future. Somewhere around 2017, give or take a year,"

"Riiight... " Chris was rolling his eyes, as was sherry. "You called us here to tell us a bunch of bullshit? Get outta my house, you lying asshole!" "Shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down, Redfield!" his eyes bulged for a second, having never heard such a venemous tone from me before. "Why the hell would I tell such an outrageous lie? I know full well it sounds shitty, but I'm not lying. I am from a time when you all failed to stop Umbrella, and they took over the entire world by the year 2013. As you can guess, Umbrella built a time machine. Yeah, real smart of them, huh? It was a secret project some of the more greedy scientists had worked on, hidden from Wesker. It was the remaining Survivors' last move to stop them. By keeping them from ever taking power."

"But how the hell would we know you're not lying?" Chris had sat back down, fuming but willing to listen for a few more minutes. (Thankfully. I didn't wanna have to kick him in the balls and knock him out) "You don't. I know a few things, but most of it won't make much sense. In my time, Rebecca had been killed by leeches, while Billy made it out alive. One of the things he told me was that his biggest regret was not saving the dollfaced little girl he had met." Billy looked shocked, but before anyone had time to say anything else smartmouthed, I kept going.

"Barry had perished inside the mansion, since Jill hadn't trusted him enough to return his gun. She later regretted this, when she found out you had been blackmailed." Barry looked thoughtful, while Jill looked surprised, as she had never told anyone of her doubts about Barry, nor about what happened between them inside the mansion.

"Barry, tell me. You did background checks on everyone here, no? What can you find on me?" "Huh. Well, absofuckinglutely nothing. No birth certificate, not even facial recognition software has anything. You supposedly don't exist." I smiled, thinking many clever little things. "You also don't trust Leon, since you did work for an antiterrorist unit and found that the Leon there was an imposter." Barry's eyebrow quirked, but he said nothing.

"So far so good? Okay, here's one that only Chris, Leon, and Claire should know. The first time Claire and Leon had sex was in September of '98, Raccoon City. In the RPD building. On Chris' desk. Bareback, if I recall." Everyone's mouths dropped. Leon had never mentioned it to anyone, Claire was too embarassed to talk about it, and Chris hadn't either.

The three of them were shocked, stupified, and two of them were annoyed. "Roy! how the hell do you know that?" Leon had only recently told Chris of that incident, during their man-to-man talk since he was dating Claire. And still had the bruises to prove it. He was... there is no word to describe how shocked Leon was that I knew.

Chris was laughing his ass off, still annoyed that the two of them did that, but amused at their embarassment. Carlos, Sherry, Billy, and Ark began laughing, as Barry grinned and shook his head. "I know many things. Things some of you told me that none of you had told anyone else. Hmm... Okay, I don't know if this took place here, but in my time, Sherry had slept with Steve at some point. And had been held alongside Carlos during his capture."

Sherry fell out of her chair, as did Carlos, but for completely different reasons. One laughing, one stuttering denials. "Or how about this... Leon, shortly after you left Spain, Ada came to you asking for sex. True or false?" Leon blinked. He blinked again. Then he said, "Okay, you've made your point. Quit trying to embarass me and my family." He sounded a little annoyed. So I figured it was time to stop before he joined Chris in trying to kill me.

'This is fun... ' "Well, you all believe me now, huh?" Most were still skeptical, but others were ready to believe me in case I said Jesus was coming over for dinner. 'Well, now or never...' "I called all of you here for three reasons. One, because I believe you deserve to know the truth. Two, because if Umbrella is still around, they will come here trying to kill us. I have several false locations, set as traps, and Leon has the secret service on standby if they do crash our little party. The third reason... Well, I'm sick of a certain musclehead glaring daggers in my back, and I figured we'd go back to being friends if he knew I wasn't about to pull off a mask and turn out to be wesker hisself." I grinned, Chris harrumphed.

"Moving on... " I shifted in my seat. "Well, this is rather disturbing. Wesker had come back and taken over Umbrella, then taken the world. When that happened, you all said told you so, and started the resistance. I was born a few years after it started, to a couple of the original survivors." (Not true, but I figured it'd sound a bit better, and explain my being there. Also for entertainment) "Of all the resistance members, I was still in my prime, was the best in hand-to-hand, and skilled in the operation of all manner of firearms. Being a lucky sonofabitch was a bonus." I paused for breath.

"There was a team assembled to hit Umbrella's main HQ, as a distraction. A smaller, elite team was sent to where the experimental time machine was located. Little did we know, Wesker had an inkling of its existance, and set an army between it and us. I was apart of that team, the youngest, and the one that needed to get through. Chris, Leon, Sherry, Jill, and Carlos were with me. We hit the facility, got in, and found out it was a trap. The first to go was Carlos, who stayed back and held off as many as possible while me moved on. Next was Jill, who went a different way. She may have lived, but I never saw her again. Then we ran into Wesker..."

"He had Krauser with him. Leon took them both, while we made a run for it. Krauser followed." I looked down, seemingly remorse, remembering, and regret. "When he caught up with us, I was thanking every god I knew of and some I didn't for the training Leon had put me through. I was able to keep up, and even outmatch Krauser. The last I saw of him, he was trying to reattatch his legs with one arm." Leon smirked, thinking of Krauser with no legs and one arm. "When we reached the room adjoining the time machine, we found an army before us, with our scientist moles strung up and dessicated. We made it to the door, and... Chris told me and Sherry to go on, that he couldn't keep up with his keg." Chris' eyes bulged. "Keg...?"

"Yeah. you had put on some weight and grown a beard for an undercover assignment, and just couldn't get rid of the weight. Eh, it suited up." He put his head on the table, and sobbed quietly. Jill patted his back with a smirk on her face. "There, there, fatty."

I kept going. "When we went through, we found one more surprise. Wesker was there... Albeit with one arm, and half a face." Leon busted out laughing, as did half the audience. "Myself and Sherry took him on, and when we were losing, he made the worst mistake possible. He started gloating. He went on about Leon's last words being that he was going to see his wife Claire again, before blowing them both up. Sherry had been knocked damn near unconscience, and.. Wesker did the one thing I wouldn't allow. He mocked my dead parents. I rushed him, head-on. And beat seven shades of shit out of him."

(I stood and demonstrated how. It involved many kicks, punches, and knifework that ended in Wesker losing his shlong, since Jill had taken his nuts in a fight sometime before. She had worn them around her neck as a trophy for as long as I had known her) "After helping Sherry back up, the BOW's Chris had been fighting broke through. They came through the door, and Sherry shoved me towards the machine. She told me she wanted to see her parents again, as she knew them." Right here, Sherry looked like she was about to cry. Claire reached over and gave her a hug. Such a sweet adoptive mother.

"Well, then I jumped off the ledge, down the shaft that was the machine. It sent me back to June of '98, and had screwed with my memory a bit. Time-lagg, I think." I grinned. Dumb joke, but it got some smirks. "Well, that's the gist of it. The rest is just details and semantics." "Huh. Doesn't explain how you fought Wesker or Krauser. They're both inhumanly strong and fast." Leon pointed this out, and I decided to tell.. something somewhat truthful. "Uh-huh. In my time, I was only 6 years old, but was kidnapped by an Umbrella team collecting children for experiments. They put us in teams, and trained us as child soldiers. The standard ones were called Dogs, who obeyed commands when they hear a certain frequency of sound. The stronger ones who had broken their mental conditioning, were called Wolves."

"You were a wolf, I presume?" Leon seemed.. Well, I couldn't tell. His face was blank, and his tone was neutral. "Yeah... It was unpleasant. I had actually tried to kill you and Claire at one point, before both you and Chris held me down while she kicked the shit out of me."Here, Chris grinned like he'd just single-handedly won the superbowl.

I rubbed the back of my neck. "Those in the dog program were... modified a bit. Gene therapy; their adrenal glands are over-stimulated. It screws with their head, but makes them stronger than any normal human. Wolves undergo a much more aggressive verson of that, and it fucks our whole bodies up. It alters our hormones, resulting in an amplified sex drive, which made us breed faster, gaining a force of genetically alterred children ready to be molded into super-soldiers. Inhuman strength and stamina, due to creating a mindset of winning above all else. Speeds that nearly tear our muscles, along with faster thought processes and sped up reaction time. We were the perfect commandos, so long as we obeyed orders."

I paused, witing for them to digest all that. "So you're some sort of super-soldier?" "Affirmative. I'm faster, stronger, and smarter than nearly any human being. Generally speaking, of course. There are some who're either gifted, or have put enough effort into becoming like this. For us, it's as natural as breathing." "Huh. Explains how you did some of the things I saw during the mansion incident... And your god complex." Rebecca's comment had brought back memories to Chris and Jill, who foggily remember a few inhuman feats of mine. (I was careless, and didn't want them to die. So sue me)

"Wait. You said I trained you?" Leon was puzzled. "Yes. It was after I had broken my leash, and rejoined the resistance." "Huh. You said your parents were of the original survivors. Who were they?" Damn, Leon was quick. 'Shit, think of something.' I pointed. "Look, a leprechaun!" Jill was not amused. Nor was anyone else. "That didn't work ten years ago. Not gonna work now, either."

"... Okay, I cannot tell you. Only way you're getting that is if you get me drunk off my ass." Leon and Chris shared a look. Then they both grinned. "Uh, what're you two smiling about? And what's that rope for...?"

About thirty minutes later... "Okay, okay! " *Cough, sputter, cough* "I'll tell you! Juss shtop wif da tekkia..." The two men grinned, then untied me. "Ya'shee, dere wush a thime ven i wash a leetle voy, and I wash alllvays told by vomma and voppa zhat I vuz allvaysh za good voy... till I's triez ta killz thems..." Chris and Leon looked annoyed at each other. They then went into the kitchen, made a pot of coffee and brough two glasses and a pitcher of water into the dining room. "This might take awhile..."

About an hour and three bathroom trips later... "I hate you all so much..." I sat back at the table, feeling unamused with their tactics. And like I had the hangover of the century. "Hey, at least you remembered to zip your fly this time!" Billy chucked, Rebecca blushed, and several others laughed. "Yes, yes, very funny. Why're you still staring at my crotch? That's Rebecca's property, you ass-bandit."

Now, everyone laughed. Rebecca blushed even harder, and I grinned at her expense. "Now then, whattaya wanna know, you corrupting bastards?" Turning my attention back to two tall grinning men, one blonde and one brunette. "You said your parents were two of the original survivors. We want to know who." "No. If you know that, it could change the future, on an uncomprehendable scale, for good or for worse." Chris and Leon looked at each other again. "Shall we get the tequila again?"

"... You bastards. You absolute bastards. You are despicable..."(I said that last bit in a perfect imitation of Daffy Duck. And I don't own Loony Toons, by the way) "Chris, get the rope. I'll grab the moonshine." "Okay, okay! Geeze... You really wanna know? I was born in 2017... and one of my parents was a Redfield." Leon's mouth dropped, as did Chris' and Claire's, obviously.

"I'm not saying anything else on the matter. It could drastically affect the future." Leon pulled his Silver Ghost from under his jacket. "Talk." "No." He racked the slide. "N-Okay. Chris... Remember my first day when I said you had a sister complex...?" (Right here, I was just dicking around) Chris' mouth dropped, Claire's jaw touched the floor, and Leon fainted. 'Didn't think that would happen... Dumbass.'

"Yeah... there was a very strange incident, and... well... Here I am." I grinned, nice and big. Chris looked like he was going to throw up. Claire looked as if she was about to join Leon on the floor. And Jill looked murderous. "Y-you mean... Me, and Claire-bear, we uhh..."

"Yeah... just about everyone who knew the truth looked at me kinda funny for the longest time, and... the other thing... was... That I'm just fucking witcha! Ahahahahahahaaaaaa! W-whatta maroon!" Now Chris looked murderous, although somewhat relieved he wasn't apart of an incest statistic. Sherry was fanning Leon on the floor, while most of us sat around laughing. After Leon woke up and sat back at the table, (With a strange imprint on his cheek. Looked like the Redfield's carpet) we continued from where we left off.

"Alright, y'all really wanted to know, so fine. My mother was Claire. I'm not saying who my father was, as it could vastly change the future." (Same spiel, same tone, different reason) Leon looked at me. While pointing his gun. This helped to change my point of view. Quickly. "... Sigh... Fine. My father.. was Steve." I kept my face blank, and waited. Leon was about to faint again, when I said,

"Hey Leon... Just when did I say I was born?" He thought for about half a second. Then looked annoyed. "Quit screwing with me! Who was your father?!" He had his gun about 4 inches from my head. It was starting to look like a howitzer. "Fine. I'll tell you what you want to hear. You're my father, Leon." He looked dubious. "Seriously. You two banged like rabbits and eventually ended up with me. I get my hair from Claire's side, and my eyes from yours. Blue-green eyes were a recessive trait on your mother's side. The gene therapy screwed with some of my muscle and bone structure, making them denser and changing my appearance. When I was little, I had dirty blonde hair and clear blue eyes, and looked like your uncle did when he was young. I also got my smartass attitude from you, alongside my kindness and cruelty from Claire. You're the one who taught me knife-fighting and the two Redfields showed me how to handle a gun. Anything else?"

"Yeah. Who the hell did you get your sense of humor from?" I laughed. "Sherry corrupted me when I was a kid." Leon and Claire looked at Sherry. She said, "Whaaat? I got it from Carlos." Carlos grinned, and Ark started laughing his ass off. "Well, now that that is out of the way, let's eat. I'm starving. Just don't let Claire and Leon be the ones cooking or i might be concieved a little early." This got an annoyed look from several, and Chris looked like he was going to be sick.


	11. Chapter 10 Making plans

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

Ohh, yeah... "Baby that was great..." You ready to go again? "Again? But you just... Ahh...!" C'mon... Let's not waste a good hard-on. #10

* * *

Back to the present; 1998. It is now July, three weeks have passed since Roy started living with Rebecca. He spends most of his time goofing off with her and the rest of STARS, at the range, with Barry and Chris out at the bar, prepping his gear and himself for the mansion incident, training Rebecca to better take care of herself, and trying to help some of the other STARS to get over their weaknesses.

He tried helping Brad so he wouldn't be such a chickenshit, but failed. (Quite miserably. Brad is an incurable scaredycat) He also acquired several firearms from the armory, nameably a Samurai Edge 2, modified by Kendo for increased reliability, as well as adding a rail for a taclight and a revamped magazine well to allow for a wider variety of compatible magazines. (Namely, magazines for the Stoeger Cougar I carried. there was also a unique clip-on attatchment that allowed it to use HK USP9 and Glock 17 magazines. The barrel was slightly extended, and threaded to allow the use of a suppressor. It was stainless steel, with a reinforced black slide; the barrel and lower were silver. The grip was rubber, with finger grooves and the STARS emblem in the center, on both sides. The name Sarah was engraved on the left side of the slide, with white enamel inserted into the engravement, and night sights were installed. The only SE2 more heavily modified than mine was Barry's)

The other items he requested were a 9mm sound suppressor, Mossberg 500 Cruiser, and an M4A1 carbine. Both guns had taclights and slings, while the carbine had a red dot sight and foregrip added, along with folding iron sights. (The rifle had also been fine-tuned by Kendo for increased reliability. The man was a genius when it came to firearms. However, you can't really get any better than a 12 guage pump) Other items Roy acquired over the three weeks were a STARS uniform; not much changed, really, he simply sewed a STARS emblem on each sleeve of his jacket and put a badge in his wallet. Although he sometimes wore a bandana with the RPD logo on its forehead. Many, many magazines and ammunitions, of course. He also requesitioned several 5-mile handheld radios; bought from Radioshack, of course. Beyond that, he gained a bulletproof vest with many pouches for ammo and other small items. He also requesitioned a police duty belt with an attache case on the back, and several more cases for magazines and other items. He constantly had his SE2 in a thigh-holster, even when off-duty.

Although he never made any arrests, he carried a few pairs of handcuffs. "Just in case Rebecca wants to get kinky sometime," he had said upon getting them out of supply. As you might be able to tell, Roy wasn't an individual to lock people up for minor infractions. In his words, "They usually just made a stupid mistake, and life's too short to spend it being an asshole over little things. People who're angry at you usually have an issue with the uniform, or they're just having a shitty day. No point making everyone jump through hoops when a little chat can clear those problems right up." He was well-liked by the citizens who met him, the other members of STARS, and hated by most of the brass in the RPD. For him, life was pretty good. Living with Rebecca and constantly embarassing her was quite fun as well. (three blushes a day minimum) And now, enough of the monologue.

"Yo, boss." Roy called out, as he walked into the STARS room. Wesker didn't react. He was used to Roy entering shortly after he did, which was very early in the morning. He was still engrossed in his morning paper. Roy had walked in carrying several cups of coffee. (13. 4 in each arm, one in each hand, and three on his head. Don't ask how he managed to walk up the stairs and open the doors. How did he do it? Ugh... I said not to ask. Very carefully)

He then carefully set all the cups down, then handed one to Wesker. 'How he carries all those up here every morning is beyond me...' Wesker thought as he took the cup of still-hot coffee. Roy then began placing a cup on each desk, and at that moment, the door opened. 'Lemme see... Lots of cream and sugar for Rebecca, black for Enrico and Chris, chocolate, marshmallows, and cream for Brad...' Roy was engrossed in thought, trying to remember what each member liked, while relying on smell to tell each cup from one another.

He didn't notice Rebecca tip-toeing up behind him. (Until the last second, anyway. He still pretended not to notice her. Best to be nice, ya?) "Guess who." Rebecca called, as she covered Roy's eyes from behind. "Hmm... Enrico's mother?" "No." "Chris' sister, dressed in a skimpy bikini?" "No!" The other STARS members started filing in right about now, and steered clear of Rebecca and Roy, somewhat interested in how their little game would go today.

"That 900-number callgirl Wesker's always on the phone with?" Rebecca blushed, judging by how her hands heated up. "No!" "Huh? Brad dressed in a bunnygirl outfit?" Rebecca busted out laughing, barely keeping her hands in place. Joseph and Kenneth started laughing, while Brad made a disgruntled noise from his desk. "Hmm..." After hearing the slurping noise that signified Chris taking his first drink of coffee, Roy states, "I know! It's a completely naked Jill!" Again Rebecca laughed, yet blushing at the same time.

"Yeah.. It has to be at least a topless Jill. Wait. I sense a disturbance in the force... Chris just got a boner." I heard several chuckles, including one from Jill, and then the sound of skin rubbing on fabric. "You're right, he does!" I heard Jill call out. "Hey! sexual harrassment!" Chris turned to Wesker, from the sound of his squeeky chair.

"It doesn't count if you're enjoying it, Redfield," could be heard from Wesker, followed by the sound of paper folding. "Alright, everyone's here. Enough fooling around. We've got an assignment from Irons," several goans were heard, as myself and Rebecca walked over to her desk. "Yes, I know we all hate being Irons' errand boys, but we've got a job to do. So shut up and listen." Wesker gave his usual speech.

As usual, I refused a chair, and instead mimed sitting in a chair. (It's a difficult pose to maintain, even when against a wall. You place your feet flat, place your elbows on your knees, bend your knees at a 90 degree angle, and look like you're sitting in midair. Wesker glared at me for doing this for about a week before he gave up. I did this for shits and giggles, and to see how long I could keep it up. I'm surprisingly good at it, and it's fun acting like I'm in a wheeled computer chair and pretend to be wheeling around the room. It got a few chuckles for the first couple days, anyway)

We all waited for the moaning and groaning to die out, then Wesker went on. Because of the recent murder cases, Bravo is being sent into Raccoon forest to look for anything out of place. This will occur on the 21st, so begin prepping your gear for that. You'll be flying in along this route via helicopter," "Uh, hey boss," I called out. Wesker turned, used to this sort of interruption. "Yes...?"

"Define out of place. Fallen trees, dead bodies, stange hikers, double rainbows, (gas for less than a buck fifty, diet soda that actually tastes good) leprechauns...?" He sighed, sounding thirty years older than he was. "Anything that would make you say -Wow, that's wierd- Understand?" "In other words... We're being sent on a snipe hunt. Irons is freaking since we're not making progress on any of the murder cases, right?"

"To put it bluntly, yes." "Huh. Guess he wants us to go over the entire forest with a fine-toothed comb, right? Earn our police benefits." "Actually, yes. Those were his exact words." "Lovely." I stood, then walked up to the whiteboard the map was drawn ongusturing to it. "So we're inserting via chopper. What loadout you want us with?" "A3 Recon. Take what you'll need for at least 5 days in the field."

"Roger. How long'll it take for reinforcements if we hit the panic button?" "Roughly four hours." "Understood. I'll coordinate with Barry on team weapon dispersal. Who's our pilot?" "Kevin Dooley. It'll be a night insertion." "Aren't they always... Right. I'd reccomend extraction be placed here-" I drew a small circle on the map, where they'd have it in the military. (far enough that you can lose any pursuers, but close enough to be able to reach it in a timely manner)

"And... an emergency RDV point here." I made a small X where military Special Forces would have a meet up point in the field if they got seperated. "Uh, just so y'know boss, this is a bad idea." Wesker looked unsurprised. "Helicopter's gonna make a lot of noise. If there's anyone out there, they'll be miles off by the time we have a place to set down. They'll know we're coming. Plus we'll be going in blind. Without a birds-eye view or air support," (Meaning a predator drone with thermal optics or a C-130 armed with the big guns in case SHTF)

"We're going to be put in the worst-case scenario pretty damn quick. If anyone's got any kind of traps set up, it'll be a goddamn killzone. Trees make good concealment and cover against small arms fire, but for explosives or an actual fire, they make excellant firing lanes. Wesker, I'd request we at least have the entire team deployed at the same time, in two seperate locations with national guard on standby in case we get boxed in." Thinking like a spec4, these are hefty requirements for a small swat team. Wesker looked slightly amused, as if I'd told a funny joke. Or torn a rabbit apart with my bare hands.

"And why would we go this far over a token operation to ease the citizens of Raccoon city?" "Because there are at least ten killers working in tandem that are in or near the forest. If they're armed, and they know we're on the way, they can easily set up a few traps that we won't be able to see in the dark. As you know, my first priority is the survival of the team. Mission completion is secondary. And if this is a recon mission, then our job is to find them, and use a guerilla hit and run strike, then fall back and call in the military. We're a small peacekeeping force, not a paramillitary unit. We simply don't have the ordinance to take on a large group of armed hostiles. And I'd bet my left arm there's more than ten of them."

"Suggestions noted. Bravo is going in for a recon mission, to search the entire forest for suspicious persons or evidence of suspicious activity. Alpha team will be on standby, and if we get in over our heads, we'll call the Army for heavy reinforcements. Happy, nephew-mine?" Wesker looked like he was simply comforting a crying child. Asshole. "Not really. This is still a dangerous and foolhardy waste of time and resources."

"You're still used to being in the military and having a budget. We don't have one, so get used to it. This is just so Irons can say the police are doing something to ease the peoples' worries." "I still don't like it. This is trouble written all over it. But I'll go and try to set everything up right. By the way, d'ya think we could at least get guns put on the choppers? Maybe then Brad would feel a little better." Brad sniffed right about here.

"Like I said, we have no budget. Go beg the Army for help, or start a fundraiser. Unless you feel like paying for it?" "Sigh... Roger that, bossman." I went back and pretended to sit, and pulled my pad and pen out and started writing. (I was listing the weapons for Bravo and Alpha to be carrying, as well as rations, water, and medkit prep. I'd get with Barry about the weapons later, and tell him I was overriding Wesker on the loadouts)

Wesker went back to listing rules of engagement, and said he wants at least one of the aggressors brought back alive. 'Fat chance...' After he finished going over the rules of engagement, and saying he wanted at least one of the aggressors brought in alive, 'Fat chance...' He said, "Alright. That everything you all need to know. I want everyone to have their gear ready to go three hours before deployment on Saturday. Until then, you have no other assignments." It was Wednesday, July 18. three days until Bravo is deployed, and four until Alpha. Time to start preparing to completely FUCK Capcom's greatest horror game. I grinned. A very evil grin. So evil that Brad cringed when he saw it. And Rebecca asked me if I was planning on killing someone.


	12. Chapter 11 Lockin' an Loadin'

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

"Oh... baby.. stop.. please... I'm too sore..." Hah! not like that mattered when it was me that was hurting. Payback, beotch! Takin' it to E-leven! #11

* * *

After I walked out of the STARS room, I headed to the armory. I beat Barry there by about three minutes. He just loves his armory. "Roy? What is it?" "It's about the mission. I wanted to be clear on the team's loadout." "Hm?" He looked surprised. "We're going with an A1, not A3."

"Full-on assault package? What the hell for?" "I'm overriding Wesker. Frankly, I have an inkling of what we're up against, and it's more than just ten. I'd wager close to 50 or more. Not sure. But I'm taking no chances with our team's survival. I want everyone carrying more than just a handgun. At least two shotguns, a rifleman, and a designated marksman."

Barry considered this for a moment. "But why would Wesker have the team go in unprepared for what they're up against? Or does he not know?" "He knows. He just doesn't give a damn. I'm not entirely sure of what he's thinking, but it can't be good. My uncle's always scheming something."

"And how exactly do you know how many assailants there are?" "I saw one of his reports from the mortician. There were more than 40 different dental imprints in the bodies we've recovered. The rest was too mashed up to tell." Barry looked surprised. "Why wouldn't he tell us that?"

"As I said, he's got some half-baked plan again. I don't know what it is, but I want to make sure it won't prove fatal to anyone in STARS. Keep this to yourself. If he finds out, he might do something stupid. You wouldn't know it to look at him, but he's borderline sane. His last psyche test was over 20 years ago, and he paid off the guy to fudge the results. Far as I heard, he's a major megalowmaniac, and has serious problems with empathy. As in, he's a complete sociopath."

"It would explain a few things..." "Mm-hm. Hey, if he says anything off-color to you, give me a heads up. He knows you and I are the most likely ones to figure out if he's got something up his sleeve, and he's not above blackmail." "Huh. If you say so. Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you have a reason to come back here. You have a family. Besides, you're the only one who can help me with the team's equipment. The fact that you have a set of morals doesn't hurt either." I'm fairly sure Barry was shocked to see me being completely serious. "If you say so. I'll see if I can sneak some of this stuff to the guys without attracting Wesker's attention." "Thanks. And for Rebecca, can you get her a shotgun or MP5?" "I can try. No promises on this, though."

"That's fine. It's better than what I had five minutes ago. Ammo's my biggest concern. They won't want to carry an extra ten pounds for nothing. I might have to tell them something a few hours before we leave. Oh yeah, before I forget," I pulled out three of the radios I had purchased a few days back. Fully charged, turned off. I handed them to him. "Give one of these to Chris and Jill, and keep the other for yourself. If shit hits the fan, I'll call you three." I handed him a ripped sheet of paper with three numbers written on it. "These are the channels I'll be using. If you hear anyone else on one, use another until you get me or Rebecca."

"Rebecca?" "Yeah. I'm gonna try my best to keep her alive. God help me if I screw up..." I started towards the door. "I hear you. See you around, Roy." "Have a good one, Barry. And thanks again." I walked out of the armory, shutting the door behind me and walking down the hall, heading towards the lobby.

When I got there, I nearly tripped over someone, as I wasn't paying attention. "Shit! Sorry, mate, you alright?" I helped the guy back to his feet. He was fairly tall, had blonde hair in a bowl cut, and wore an RPD trainee uniform. 'Huh? Is this who I think it is...?'

"It's fine, sir. I should've looked where I was going. I'm Leon-" "Wait. Lemme guess. Leon S. Kennedy?" "Huh? Uh, yeah. You know me?" He looked puzzled. "Heard of you? Hah! I met your uncle When I was in the service. He talked our ears off about how proud he was of his little nephew, Leon. Damn, you look like his mini-me."

He looked a bit embarassed, judging by his blush. I think I hit the nail on the head about his uncle's personality. "Eheh. Yeah, my uncle never had any kids of his own, and he was always around when I was younger." "Well, your uncle's not the only one who's talked my ear off about you. Our young medic, Rebecca went teen groupie when she saw the picture in your file."

"Rebecca, sir?" Leon was still puzzled. This guy had stopped him, looked barely any older than he was, and had served in the military? And he was apart of STARS? Who was this guy? Some sorta superhero wannabe? "Oh, by the way, my name's Roy Mustang. (NO! I DO NOT OWN FMA! Quit saying I claimed it! Geeze.) Newest member of STARS. Rebecca's our medic. Cute-lookin young girl. Brunette, kinda short, with a real short haircut." I grinned.

"When you see here, tease her a bit about the teen groupie thing. And don't worry, she don't bite. Much." I chuckled. "Just watch out for the tall blonde guy, Wesker. He'll chew your ass off if you're not running a mad dash as a trainee. Then he'll chew you out about running in the halls." Leon kinda liked this guy. He was talkative, but friendly. And seemed like the type to always have your back, be it at the bar or on a battlefield.

"Yes, si-" "Hold it right there. Don't call me sir. I'm younger than you are. Not to mention I work for a living." Leon's jaw dropped. 'He's younger than me? And already a member of STARS? Who the hell is this guy? And how did he know I was older than him?' "Got it, Roy." "Heh. Good. You'll do well here, Leon. I've seen your scores, and I hope to see you wearing a STARS uniform, soon. Say, what're you doing here, anyway? I thought you'd still have another month or two in the academy."

"I'm here apart of the rinealong program. I'm pretty much a junior cop, helping out some of the officers." "Ah. So you're a glorified gofer." (Gofer. Go 'fer this, go 'fer that.)

"Pretty much." "Well who's your master- I mean, designated officer?" I grinned again, just to strike my point home. "It's officer Burton." "Oh. Tim? He's our armorer. You know where the armory is?" "yeah, I just asked the receptionist." Ah. So she was going to have him running in circles for the next half hour. Bitch.

"Well, today's your lucky day. Instead of running around like an idiot for asking directions, I'm gonna tell you where to go straight out." He looked puzzled, again. "Our receptionist has a habit of screwing with the newbies for fun. Go where she told you and you'll be wandering about for half an hour. Giving the officer an excuse to yell at you."

I told him where to find the armory, as well as the officers to avoid. "Jill valentine's fine, just don't call her ma'am. She thinks it makes her sound old. Redfield's great, but whatever you do, don't mention his sister if you don't want your testicles broken. When you get to the armory, tell the guy Roy sent you, and you're looking for Tim Burton." (This would be funny later)

"By the way, you should join me, Burton, and Redfield at the bar later. It's a shame you're too young to drink, but the place we go has great food." Leon nodded. Then he stopped, looking puzzled. Again. "Uh, Roy, you said you're younger than me. If I'm too young to drink, then aren't you?" I grinned. This kid was quick. "Really? Well, I haven't been arrested yet." I laughed, then slapped him on the back and wished him luck. After he hurried off, I discreetly followed him at a distance. When he got to the armory, with only two officers stopping him and making him to push-ups, only two, he got there. I waited for him to go in, then leaned against the wall right outside, and listened.

-Inside the Armory-

"Excuse me, I'm looking for Tim Burton. Do you know where I could find him?" Barry knew this gag, and went along with it most times. It was fun to mess with the new guys. "Yeah. Probably in Hollywood. Why? You want his autograph, too? Or are you just a fan of his movies?"

I could just hear the gears turning in Leon's head. "Um, could you tell me where I might find officer Burton, then?" "Yeah, sure. You just need to tell me his first name, and I'll tell you." Once again, I could feel the gears turning. "John?" "Nope." "Tom?" "Not a chance." "Shawn?" "No."

I walked in. "Rumpleforeskin?" Barry smirked. Leon turned at the sound of my voice, a question mark written all over his face. (Not litterally. Figuratively) "Close! Try again." I continued. "Hmm... I'd like to buy a vowel." "It'll cost you five bucks."

"Hey, this morning's coffee was six." Barry laughed. "Leon, this is Barry Burton, RPD's resident armorer, and my good friend. Also the veteran member of STARS. Say, Barry, messing with the new recruits never gets old, does it?"

"Never has, probably never will. Nice to meet you, Leon." They shook hands, then Leon finally realised we were just screwing with him. He laughed good-naturedly, then asked what he was there to help with. "Today? You're here to watch, learn, and try not to screw up," Barry told him, albeit with a friendly grin. "As the armorer, It's my job to make sure the guys don't go out there with defective equipment, and fix everything those knuckleheads break. You'll be helping me out with this sorta thing until you're finished your mentorship period, then you go back and graduate." Leon nodded, understanding that he was going to be learning from a gunsmith.

"For now, I want you to come back here and gimme a hand stripping these pistols and cleaning them. If you find something broken, lemme know and I'll show you how to fix it, then we'll have all this done in double-quick time." "Yes, sir." "Hey, I may be old, but I still work for a living. Call me Barry." "Alright, Barry." "Good, now start helping." "Got it."

Leon went into the unlocked armorer's area, (Pretty much a large steel cage with a door that locks, and a window the armorer stands in front of) then started working on the pile of handguns that looked disused. "And be careful. Some of those idiots turn their guns in loaded. Damned near shot myself more'n once."

"Hey Barry," I called, "You mind if we have the kids come with us to the usual place tonight?" "Works fine for me." (I meant Leon and Rebecca, so you know. Me, Barry, and Chris, hell even Jill most times, go to this little tavern at least twice a week for drinks and dinner, to watch the game, discuss politics'n'religion, and to hang out. Guy stuff, ya know)

"Good. Maybe tonight Rebecca can actually order a man's drink." "Hah!" (This was a running joke, as Rebecca couldn't hold even the tiniest amount of liquor. She gets tipsy from half a beer, and completely smashed after a six-pack. Wasn't fun, having to carry her home. I narrowly avoided getting puked on. Still, she looked cute when she was passed out)

"Yo Leon, you got anywhere to be, tonight?" "Nope. i'm sleeping here at the barracks until the mentorship is finished." "Good. Then I'll see you two at happy hour, then. Good luck. And don't shoot yourself in the foot, rookie!" "I'll try not to." I then walked out, heading out and back home to Rebecca's apartment.

When I got there, I was surprised to find her sitting on the floor next to the coffee table, with her disassembled handgun on it in front of her. "Hey, Becks." She jumped just a little, already used to me entering silently. "Hey, Roy."

"Uh, d'you need a hand with that?" "Yeah, I can't get the bullets in the clip." "No thumb strength?" "Hey! I'm a girl, not some musclehead jock." I chuckled, moving towards her.(And thinking of a certain future musclehead jock. Named Redfield)

'This is going to be a fun night...' After helping her put her handgun back together, and load all her magazines, (My thumb was smarting afterward) I said, "Becky, you got any plans for tonight?" "No, why?"

"'Cuz I wanted you to join me and the others at the bar tonight." "Oh, no. Last time you all made me drink and I was sick as a dog afterward." "Don't worry, there won't be any forced underage drinking. We got a new guy at the RPD, and his mentor was Barry. So he's joining us at the bar tonight. And, I kinda told him you were cute and you liked him." I grinned. Rebecca blushed, while looking horrified. "You didn't. You didn't! Please tell me you didn't say that..."

"I did. C'mon, he's handsome. I mean, he can't possibly compare to moi, but yeah. He's not bad looking. Has a great personality, too. Obeys orders real well. You pull the Officer Chambers shtick, whip out the fuzzy handcuffs, and he'll be eating outta the palm of your hand." Once more, Rebecca blushed. But she agreed to go anyway. 'Heheh, sucker'


	13. Chapter 12 My Friends' last supper

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

"N-no more... It hurts so much..." Huh. Starting to feel loose, too. Hmm... Aha. I know! *Poke, schlrrch* "Ahh! No! Not there!" #12

Roughly three hours later, Roy and Rebecca were getting ready to head out. Rebecca had bandages on both hands, as testamount to her lack of skill maintaining firearms. (Two slide bites, and even a hammer bite. Not sure how, on a beretta. She's smart, but more than a little awkward sometimes) After checking my gear twice, loading, unloading and reloading all my magazines, helping Rebecca with her handgun, (And bandaging her hands) I was waiting at the door for her, as she was brushing her hair one last time. When she came skipping out of the bathroom, smelling of perfume, I held the door open for her, with a bow and a "Your chariot awaits, madame." "Why thank you, Jeeves. Ehh, what chariot?" "Well I couldn't just say you're walking there. Want me to carry you bridal-style?" I grinned an un-butlerly grin. "...No, I'm fine with walking. Let's go." And so we started walking. The sun was still up a good ways, as it was summer. We walked on for roughly thirty minutes or so. Then we found ourselves outside our favorite little tavern. J's Bar. (I don't own Resident Evil, Nor do I own Outbreak. So hah!)

Upon entering, we found that Chris and Jill were already here. He was sitting at the bar, a beer already in front of him, as Jill was already hitting the hard liquor. We walked over, Rebecca sitting on my left, with an empty stool to hers. "Well, you two're here early for once." Chris was here early, as usual.

Him and Jill both usually finished their reports up early, mostly due to her. "I told Rebecca the cute new guy was joining us tonight. And I kinda mentioned he liked her..." "H-hey!" Rebecca blushed, again. Too easy.

"You already order, Chris?" "Yeah, he did." The bartender interrupted, grinning. The bartender tonight was Eddy, a real nice guy, just a little too eager to help people drink their problems away. "What can I get you two lightweights tonight?" He pulled out a pad and pen, though he never wrote anything on it.

"The usual for me, Eddy. Becky?" "Um... Just a burger and diet coke, please." "Oh? You sure you don't want milk with that?" Eddy grinned, missing only one or two teeth. He was a great guy when all's said and done, but like us, he teased Rebecca. Especially about her not drinking. "Yes, thank you." "Right. A steak and fries with a rum and coke, cheeseburger and fries with rum and diet coke."

"Ah, no rum, please!" "Ha ha! Just tryin to see if you're payin attention." He went in back, presumably to tell the chef our orders and to fetch our drinks. "Why does he always try to get me to drink..." "Because you're even cuter when your cheeks are flushed. Besides, you won't get any better with alchohol without drinking it."

"But you said you hate drinking. Why do you do it?" "A little is fine. This much doesn't affect me, and I don't like getting drunk is what I said. Mostly because I have to drink a lot, which is expensive, and it's not a pleasant feeling to not be in control of yourself." Rebecca pondered on this, as she went back to waiting for her meal.

After a few minutes of waiting, we heard the door open. Barry and Leon walked in, with Barry whistling a cheery tune. Barry walked up and sat next to Chris, then called, "Hey Eddy! It Barry! Just gimme the usual!" We heard eddy yell from the back, "Gotcha! Ya better remember the tip this time!" Barry chuckled. This was a running joke between the two of them, having something to do with Barry's wife. I don't quite recall what exactly, but it was supposedly real funny.

Leon walked over and sat between Jill and Rebecca. "Good evening Miss Valentine. And you must be Miss Chambers. Roy wasn't kidding when he told me how cute you are. I'm Leon. Nice to meet you." Leon held out his hand. Rebecca was blushing, staring at his hand.

After a moment she took it, looking back up into his eyes. I was chuckling to myself on her other side. "Just call me Rebecca." She was saying little, a tell on how embarassed she was feeling. Shy little girl. "So Rebecca... What's this I've been hearing about a certain teen groupie...?" Ah. So he was going to tease her right off the bat. This was going to be fun.

Rebecca blushed, hard. As in, she turned the same color as Barry's vest. I began chuckling even louder. "Roy! How could you?" I then busted out laughing. "Whaat? The guy deserved to know he had a fanbase. Even if it is only one little schoolgirl... Hahahahahaha!"

Just then, our food arrived. "Well. I see a new face in my bar. What can I getcha, mister...?" "It's Leon. A steak and fries, please. With a coke." "Make it a rum and coke, Eddy. It's our darling Leon's first date. You only live once. May as well enjoy it." I grinned and then said, "You're fine so long as you're drinking with cops, mate. Hey Chris! I think I've found your sister's future husband." Chris leaned back, giving me a funny look. "Him? Hah! Claire would snap him in two!"

"Only if she's in one of her kinky moods!" "And how would you know about her, huh?" Chris was starting to get a little defensive. Time to up the ante. "Cause the last time I saw her was at this little bar where she was arm wrestling bikers. After that she was out-drinking every guy there. One dumbass tried to cop a feel and was thrown ass-first out the door! By a red-headed little girl half his size!" I began laughing my ass off, completely able to see Claire doing something like that. (What was with short, red-headed girls that becoming ridiculously, comically strong when they get pissed off?)

Anyway, we all went back to eating. (Not Leon or Barry. Their food wasn't there just yet. Rebecca got a huge burger, like always. It still amazed me that she could put that whole thing away.) After chowing down on about half of my giga-sized steak, (I had to eat a lot. If I didn't, I was about as useful as a wet match. Hardy, har-har, bad pun at the Colonel's expense. Also, I don't own FMA. Just to be clear) Rebecca was still googly-eyed about Leon. I still thought this was pretty funny. But I still had to make sure they didn't hook up, as it could potentially screw with the timeline. And my prospects of getting laid within the next five years. (Plus Claire would murder the crap outta me if she found out)

I said, "Yeah, Leon, you would love Claire. Shame she's not here. Anyway, you got a girlfriend back home?" "Yeah. A girl I knew from high school." Right about now, Rebecca looked slightly downcast, but hid it pretty well. "It's alright, Becky. You still got me." I grinned. She let out an exaggerated sigh. "You'll do, I guess..." She grinned at me. "Hey..." We both started laughing, just like an old married couple. (Hm. Odd, in less than a month we'd grown close. I have that effect on certain people)

"So Leon, how was your first day?" "Well, it was pretty fun. Except for nearly being shot, and doing 100 push-ups to use the coffee machine." Barry laughed. "You told them I sent you, didn't ya?" "Yeah. They didn't care." Eddy walked out with two plates of food and three drinks. (One of them was my refill) He set Leon and Barry's orders down, then leaned on the bar and looked up at the TV. (There was a football rerun on. Dallas against Washington, I think. I don't much care for the sport, but the banter was fun)

"How're the skins doing?" "They're ahead by two-" There was a big commotion on-screen. Dallas had just scored. "Actually, they're tied right now." "Hah! Them blue-boys were always picking up the slack near the end of the game." "Yeah. You can never tell who's going to win until the last quarter." Barry was looking at the screen now. Washington was about to score a touchdown, just as they were blocked by Dallas' defensive line. "Whoo!" Jill shouted, as she was a Cowboys fan, and completely wasted by now.

Chris was on his fourth beer, and I wagered he'd be having Jack Daniels in another beer or two. While I could easily out-drink either of them, even Barry, I'm not the type to engage in such behavior. Usually because the others pass out or leave, and I get stuck with the bill. Fuckers.

I finished my food in record time, then moved on to watching the game and the other patrons at the same time. And watching Rebecca, for other reasons. (Hey... she's cute. And I'm still trying to figure out how she can eat so much) Leon was eating as quickly as I had, and was nearly finished. I finished off my drink, and continued watching and waiting.

Leon remarked, "You trying to watch everyone at once?" Hm. Even before his government training, he was perceptive. "A good friend once told me; A wise man watches and waits, waits and watches. For enemies can be found everywhere. If you do not know from where, then you wait for them to make their move. And then, you act." He must have been slightly buzzed. His cheeks were tinted, and he was on his third drink, I do believe. "Huh. You have enemies, then?" "More than I care to count. One thing at a time, ya?"

"Is that what you meant when you said you only live once?" "Yeah. That same friend once told me that one, too. It's the principle I still live by, to this day." Rebecca was fairly quiet until now, watching the game with some interest and focusing on her food. "Is that the same friend who's name is engraved on your gun?" Ah. So Rebecca was paying attention to our conversation.

"So you figured that out, huh? Yeah." I pulled my SE2 from its holster, removing the mag and racking it, (Removing the round that was in the chamber) then flicking the safety on and handing it to her. She looked at it for a few moments, then handed it to Leon, as she had already seen it when I first got it. Leon looked at it for a minute or two, mostly at the name engraved on the slide. "This is fine work. Who did it?" "Kendo. The guy's a genius. You know where his shop is?"

"Yeah. Been meaning to go there some time. So, who's Sarah? Or would you rather not say?" I paused. What to tell them... "Sarah... was someone precious to I would die to restore. I owe more than my life to her, a debt I cannot repay. But that doesn't stop me from trying." I rubbed my left shoulder, phantom pains returning. "My friend... A lover... A legacy..." I was remembering, the event that took her life and changed me forever after.

"If I ever find old Kramden, I intend to find out if I ever surpassed her. She taught me much of what I know about fighting." (He was the one who taught us both. I went to him some years after Sarah had died, and asked him to help me become stronger. That man was scary when it came to martial arts. But he was still a lecherous old pervert. I bribed him with the latest copy of Playboy) "...I can't imagine what it's like to lose someone like that." I decided to be more of.. myself. "Yeah.. you can't. There are very few who could ever imagine true pain."


	14. Chapter 13 Secrets

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

That was so good, baby... "..." Baby? ...Baby? "..." Oh, shit. She's out cold. ...Well, I guess once more couldn't hurt... Wahoo! Necrophilia! #13

After smiling at Leon (as he handed me my gun back. I then reloaded it, dropped the hammer, took the safety off and replaced it in my holster) so he wouldn't get butt-hurt about what I just said, (As I said, a bit of the 'real' me. I'm one cold-hearted SOB) I took the half-empty bottle of Bacardi in Eddy's hand as he was about to fill my glass, and drained it. (Probably shouldn't've. But I felt like striking my point home. Plus I was thirsty)

I then stood up, dropped two twenties and a ten on the bar, then turned to leave. Rebecca drained the rest of her coke, then stood, telling Leon it was a pleasure meeting him. (The flirt he was, he said it was all his pleasure meeting such a fine young lady. Gotta give it to him, he's one helluva ladies' man) She then hurried after me, just as I waved to the others without looking back, and said, "I'll catch you all later. Y'all have a good one."

It was pretty damn badass. (If I say so myself. Which I do) "Hey Roy, what was that all about?" Rebecca had to trot to keep up with my standard walking pace. (Moving with intent. With a purpose. Like a soldier. Or you're going to kill someone)

I slowed down a bit, as she looked a little green from jogging right after eating so much. "Just as I said. It isn't something I enjoy discussing." "But you told him more than you did me. Then you seemed so cold... Is there something wrong?" Damn, she was observant. Especially with a burger bigger than her head in her hands...

"No... Not wrong. He's a special individual, you could say. A kindred spirit. He's like I was when I was young." "...? But isn't he older than you?" Damn! She was really perceptive!

"Mm-hm. But he is a child at heart. He's playful, and very just. A true boy scout. But like me, there is a deep-set anger within him. However... Unlike me, he has overcome it. Strange, for one so young."

"...You're starting to sound like an old man, y'know." "I am? Well, I have seen much in my time... " "Again, you sound like my grandpa. What do you mean by deep-set anger, anyway?" "You take any psychology classes?"

"Just a basic course." "Well, he experienced a traumatic event that had no reason, with no one to blame. It left him angry, but no one to pin it on. This leaves one with a short temper, and a nasty disposition."

"...You psychoanalyzed him in that short a time?" "Err, not quite. I've known him a lot longer than you think..." I rubbed the back of my neck again. "Huh? What's that mean?"

"...I'll tell you someday... Until then, you can deal with not knowing." I grinned. "C'mon..." "No. The puppy eyes won't work on me." She tried anyway. I was tempted... But I didn't give in. I just started tickling her until she threatened to pee on me. (I'm not into waterworks, thanks)

So I let her down with a grin. We were only a few minutes out, so we made the rest of the way to her apartment in silence. (I suppose you could say our apartment, since I often cooked and did stuff around it. I also helped her to train and even got her better at hand-to-hand and marksmanship)

After we went in, (It was sometime around 11:40 or so; I hadn't been keeping track. We normally went to bed around 9 or 10) Rebecca went straight to the bathroom. I went into the kitchen first to get myself a glass of water, then I sat down in the recliner and started mentally recounting everything I needed to do to get ready for the mansion incident. Hmm... 'I'll tell Rebecca about it later. She couldn't keep her mouth shut to save her life.'

By now, everyone in the station had neard the rumors of Wesker being a pedophile. Which was funny, since there was a note saying 'Dear Nazi Pedobear' on his desk every other morning. (My favorite one was asking if he preferred little boys or little girls)

I was somewhere around counting how many rounds would be needed, given a 20% accuracy rating for the others, and a 30% for myself, when Rebecca came out of the bathroom, walked over, and sat on my lap.

"... You must really want me to tickle you until you pass out, huh?" "No, I wanted you to massage my shoulders. Unless I'm too heavy for you?" She was teasing again, so I figured I might as well.

"Yeah, you're damn heavy, you anorexic fat-arse." (That's an oxy-moron) I removed my gloves, (Which were fingerless leather swordsman's gloves with a thick steel plate covering the back of the hand, small steel plates covering my fingers from the knuckle to the first foreknuckle. They had buckled straps on the wrists, and a leather flap that covered the straps. Badass, and comfortable. Also protective and completely fucking custom, bitches!) and then started massaging her shoulders.

(I wind up doing this once every week or so. Usually ends with her falling asleep on top of me) After a few minutes of this, I felt her relax completely, slightly swaying with the movements of my hands. "Oh yeah... That feels heavenly..." I sighed. She really was like a little kid sometimes... I switched from her shoulders to her upper back. I worked that for another ten minutes, then her flanks and lower back.

(I had read a few chiropractic studies books, and found I was pretty good at it) After she nearly pitched forward onto the floor, I pulled her back and had to hold her forward to find purchase. After she told me not to stop, (Which was surprising, to say the least) I told her to lift her arms, and pulled her shirt off. She hesitated for a moment, then complied. (Huh. She must either be half asleep or horny as a rabbit in heat. That or she snuck a swig of my drink) I left her bra where it was, and tossed the shirt over onto the coffee table where my gloves were.

I then restarted my efforts on her shoulders, and moved to her upper arms right afterward. Then I decided to be direct. I pitched her forward, placed my hand flat on the small of her back, and put the other on her shoulder. Then, pushing with one and pulling with the other, I gave her an adjustment. I was rewarded with a nice, crisp *Crick* sound, followed by a yelp from her.

I then worked on loosening her shoulders with a similar trick. From there, her upper back, and then when she seemed a bit woozy, (I kindof winded her because most adjustments have a sharp but short stab of pain at first, which is exhausting when felt in rapid succession. Kindof like being blindsided by a bunch of midget linemen) I lifted her up in a bridal carry, and carted her off to bed.

After removing her socks, pants, and bra, I laid her down and removed my own shirt, (Which went down to a bit above her knees) and slipped that over her head, then tucked her into bed. She was already asleep by the time I started to shut the door to her room. (And walked back over to my futon. You damn pervs... XP)

I removed and checked my gear, made sure the doors/windows were locked, lights were out, took a piss, then went to bed. 'What a fun day... Wonder how bad off Jill is gonna be tomorrow...?' I chuckled myself to sleep, dreaming of Rebecca's cow-tits, and Jill with a hangover. And for some reason, Wesker in a bunnygirl suit...


	15. Chapter 14 A not so cold shower

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

Yeah...! Baby, you awake yet...? Hey... Oy! ...Huh. I think she's dead. Oh well. Might as well get my erection's worth. Encore! Number 14 (WTF? Are this guy's nuts made of radioactive titanium?)

I woke up a bit later than my usual time, (Which was somewhere around 4:30 or 5) and went to the kitchen without looking at the clock. I started on a pot of coffee, and was milling around getting my gear ready. I was about to start on breakfast, when Rebecca rushed in, a wild look in her eyes. "Roy! It's 6:05!" I had one thought in mind. 'Shit...!'

I grabbed my gear, set it in the bathroom, went and finished the coffee, poured two cups to go, then rushed to the bathroom intent on grabbing a quick shower and heading out. I beat Rebecca there by about four seconds, and I was turning on the hot water as she hopped in holding an armful of clothes. "... D'ya wanna play rock-paper-scissors for who gets first shower?"

"No time!" She was brushing her teeth now, while trying to have a conversation and strip at the same time. I was enjoying the show, but tried to busy myself checking the shower water. "We'll share the shower! I can't be late to work!" Wow. She really was intent on getting the Rookie of the Year award. I shook my head, checked the water again, found it to be up to standards, and threw off my shorts.

Rebecca had just rinsed and was struggling out of her panties while hopping on one foot towards the shower. (Would've been both funny and hot if I wasn't also focusing on a timetable for getting to the RPD on-time) I hopped in, held the curtain open for her, kept her from bashing her face on the side of the shower, and pulled her the rest of the way in. As she grabbed the soap and rag, I snatched up the shampoo (Old school head'n'shoulders) and squirted out a good sized dollop.

I rubbed that into Rebecca's hair as she started scrubbing herself raw, then applied a small amount to my own hair. Focusing on hers, since she had more to worry about, I washed her hair and back for her, trying not to stare at her naked form, (Since my reaction would be extremely obvious. And poking her in the ass. Ha-ha, pun intended) after about a minute and a half, she spun around, nearly falling over, and started rubbing the rag on my chest hard enough to sting. It took about thirty seconds of this before she realised what she was doing and stopped, her face red as a tomato.

"S-sorry, I was just..." Waving away her embarassment, I said "Forget it, Just get your head under the water. I'll do the rest," I moved her head back a bit, and, with a herculean effort, managed not to stare at her boobs. (...For more than half a second, I swear) I then massaged her scalp, rinsing out the shampoo. "Keep your eyes closed. This stuff burns like nothing else." After getting all the shampoo out, I waved her out to get dried off and ready.

I rinsed my own hair, scrubbed for about thirty seconds, then hopped out. I nearly tripped and fell on my face when I saw what was before me. Rebecca, still naked, bent over, struggling to pull up her panties. With a nice, full, uninterrupted view of everything from back to front. 'Shit! Fuck Fuck Fuck!' I half waddled, half hopped to where the closet was, praying and hoping she wouldn't turn around or look between her legs.

I grabbed out a towel, and scrubbed myself raw getting dried off, then grabbed my shorts, threw them on so fast I almost put 'em on backwards, grabbed my pants, belt, shirt, holsters, socks, and got everything attatched correctly in record time. Without her noticing my discomfort, I might add.

Rebecca was still trying to get her pants on while hopping towards the door. I grabbed her, and lifted her up from under her arms. After a second of flailing, she pulled them on right. She then hauled her pretty ass into the living room and pulled on her socks and boots. I threw on my boots, grabbed my jacket off the hook, and grabbed both coffees before meeting her at the door. I didn't bother telling her that her shirt was on backwards. No one would notice, right?

It would take us about 35 minutes to reach the RPD on foot. And only 20 minutes if we bust our hump. We busted our hump. We got there in record time, in only 18 minutes. We clocked in with the receptionist, and hauled ass up to the STARS room. We were there at 6:58, two minutes before the required clock-in time. Surprisingly, everyone else was there already. Which was odd, to say the least.

We walked in, trying to look nonchalant. (Kinda failed, since she was panting, and I WAS breathing a little heavily...) Within three seconds of opening the door, (Quietly, I might add) we were barraged with stares. "You're late," was the first one. From Forest, of course. Richard added, "Rebecca, why's your shirt on backwards?" Damn. I didn't think anyone would notice. Oops. Rebecca looked down, noticed, and said one word. "... Shit. I'll be back in a second..." (Okay, six words) She rushed out, heading to the bathroom to fix that.

I was stuck standing there like the odd asshole out. "So, why're you two late? Have a morning quickie that wasn't so quick?" Chris was making fun of us, of course. I paused, trying to think of an excuse. Wasn't going to give them the satisfaction of thinking me human and waking up late. "Well..." Just then, Rebecca walked back in, shirt on straight.

"...What? Why's everyone staring?" "... Yeah, you caught us. We were doing it like rabbits last night, and didn't get much sleep. We had at it once more this morning, and, well..." I was grinning like a crazy bastard, (Ha ha! Madman joke. Great, great book by the way. I'd reccommend it. I also don't own it) as Rebecca blushed, starting to understand. Chris busted out laughing, and nearly fell out of his chair. Kenneth chuckled, as most of the others smirked and shook their heads. Enrico just sighed and muttered something like "Crazy kids..."

"Uuugh..." Jill was having the hangover of the century, aparently. I kept the joke going. "Yeah.. We even had footprints left on the ceiling..." "R-roy! Shut up!" Rebecca was redder than her shirt. (That was to say, like a firetruck) "Yeah... In my dreams, anyway." Grinning like a crazy bastard, I fended off her punches while laughing like a crazy bastard as we went to our seats. At exactly 7:01, Wesker folded his paper, then stood up. He glared at me for a moment, then went on to say he had no new information on our assignment. I started imagining him in the bunnygirl suit I saw in my dream. And nearly choked. Wesker ignored this, still listing mission details on the whiteboard. 'At least I'll be rid of that little shit come Monday...' is what Wesker was thinking. For some reason, for the rest of the day, he had this creepy smile on his face. No one knew why.

After he finished going over the mission, he went back to reading his paper. Enrico called Bravo to have a meeting around 1 later that day. Until then, we were free to do as we please. 'Hmm... Three hours to kill.' I grinned like a crazy bastard once more. "Hey Becky... Wanna go christen the back room?" It took the genius but socially inept Rebecca exactly 5.32 seconds to understand what I meant. And another 1.13 seconds to completely blush and start hitting me. I was rather impressed. And still laughing. (Like a crazy bastard. Am I over-using that phrase?) I stood up, pulling Rebecca with me. "C'mon, let's go practice. Your hand-to-hand still needs work." Rebecca looked like a petulant child. "Do we have to...?" "Yeah. You still aren't good enough to beat me. So you must train." She sighed, resigned to her fate of getting the stuffing kicked out of her. Again.

About two hours later, we were still working out. She was getting better, especially against my techniques. Probably because I was the only one who was going up against, but regardless. I still sent her flying onto the mat more often than not, so I was happy that I was still good enough to do so. (Without hurting her. That's why I was doing this; to see if I could kick ass while holding back)

She got up again, panting, and came at me. Again. This time I just side-stepped, tripped her, and gave her a nice, loud, resounding SLAP on the ass. It also had the added bonus of sending her sprawling four feet past me. After getting up and indignantly rubbing the handprint on her ass, (Which could be seen through her pants) I waited. And decided to be a dick. I reached into my ass-pack, (The military fanny pack that was on the back of my belt) and pulled a Kakashi. I pulled out a small book, and picked up from where I left off. It was the third book in the Everworld series, and was damn good. (They actually came out in '99, but I needed a book title, and Everworld kicks ass. It's by K.A. Applegate, if I recall. So sue me. Actually, don't. I don't own that or Kakashi from Naruto. You bloodsucking lawyer pricks...) I waited for Rebecca to attack, already aware of the stupid look on her face, and her every movement. After about twenty seconds, she started circling. I didn't bother, as I could dodge or counter any attack she could think of. She attacked from behind, going for my legs. Good, but not good enough. I simply kicked my foot back, and caught her in the stomache.

After rolling backwards, (Smart) she recalculated. Then ran at me again, intent on hitting me in three different places at once. I simply side-stepped, spun, and once more, kicked my foot back, catching her left ass cheek. Rather hard. And sending her flying. Again. I think I left my boot imprint on her ass.

After another half hour of getting the other half of her ass kicked off, Rebecca did the smart thing. "Okay... I'm done. I give up." "Finally... Geeze. You're more persistant than my ex... Well, you did alright. How's your tailfeathers?"

"...You spent the whole time kicking my ass. It hurts!" "Don't forget slapping and poking." "...Pervert."

"You betcha. Still, that bulldog mentality will do you well in reality. But remember. It's always smarter to run or avoid conflict altogether than to actually fight. That's what today's lesson is." "...Thanks... Now please excuse me while I pick up the pieces of my ass that broke off..." "...Want me to help you put 'em back on?" I grinned. (Like a... You know what I grinned like) I gave her a pat on the back as we walked out. (And a slap on the ass. Just for good measure. She jumped three feet in the air, with a yelp that echoed off the walls. Before punting mine, anyway)

We made our way back to the STARS office, intent on being early for the meeting. We walked in, and not five seconds later, heard three sex comments in a row. "Why're you two all sweaty? Been gettin it on?" "Where've you two been? And why do you smell of BO and whipped cream?" (That was a pretty good one. I committed it to memory for later use)

The third was after Rebecca sat down in exhaustion. And jumped right back up with a yelp, rubbing her sore ass. "Hey! I never know you did anal, Rebecca!" While I grinned and everyone else there laughed their own asses off. (Sans Enrico, who had stepped out for something. The rest of Bravo was there) Rebecca just blushed and glared at me. While I stood there grinning. (Like a crazy bastard)

Indignant, Rebecca just said, "Roy just kicked half my ass off in CQC drills is all. Like to see any of you try fighting him..." The others just chuckled, and made comments about drilling asses. 'Cept Richard and Edward, anyway. Richard went to the infirmary for an ice pack, and Edward grabbed the med kit that was in the locker.

"Where's Enrico?" I asked, while taking Rebecca's seat and pulling her onto my lap. (Stomache-first. So I could hold the ice pack on her ass for her. And apply ointment if she asked nicely.) Edward handed me the medical kit, and asked Rebecca how she felt.

"Wonderful, except for my backside." Forest giggled a bit, then said, "D'ya want me to kiss it and make it better for ya?" With such a dumb-looking grin, I was surprised anyone laughed. But Becky came through with a good retort. "Nah. I'd usually tell ya to kiss my ass, but since you're offering..."

Then it was Forest who was the butt of the joke. (Har, har. Pun intended) Then Richard got back with the ice. Closely followed by Enrico. Richie tossed me the ice, which I gently laid on her sore butt. Which got a questioning look from the Bravo captain.

"What happened now?" Before I could say my witty little joke, the red-assed little brunette piped up. "I got my ass handed to me by Roy in training. He offered to put it back on, but it's still a bit sore." After staring at the ice pack for a moment, (Or her ass. I couldn't tell) Enrico decided to leave it at that. (Smart. He knew we'd have a bunch of stupid comments if he pressed the matter)

"Moving on..." He walked over to his desk, and laid out a map of Raccoon forest. (He had walked in with it rolled under his arm. I neglected to mention it earlier, as my hands were full of Rebecca's ass) I rolled our chair over for a better look. Edward and Kenneth moved aside to let us see. (They had all crowded around Enrico's desk)

"Alright, when we land, we'll move out in a standard search pattern. As Wesker said, look for anything that looks suspicious. If we find nothing, We'll split up into pairs and search further out. If there's still nothing, report back to the helicopter and we'll discuss further action. As is, with a full compliment, I want Edward with our pilot, Forest with Kenneth, and Roy with-" I decided to butt in before he could pair me up with the boy scout (Richard)

"Escuse me sir, it might be best if I stick with young Rebecca, here." He looked a little annoyed. "Is there a valid reason for that?" He looked a tad annoyed. "Of course. I'm the most skilled in close quarters, and have training as private security. Er, as a bodyguard."

"That means?" He wanted me to spell it out? Geeze. I pulled myself up a bit. Which was difficult, considering I was holding an ice pack on a cute girl's ass. "Rebecca is the least experienced here, has the least combat training, and is also our field medic. It makes more sense to pair the weakest with the strongest, in order to balance out the squads. In my esperience, If the medic is incapacitated, the entire squad and their mission can be compromised."

Rebecca was showing remarkable discipline in keeping her mouth shut. She knew I was trying to make sure she'd live, and that I was making her sound weak to do so. Good kid. Even if she didn't agree with my methods.

"I also have the most extensive combat training. The others don't need my help, and frankly, she's the most likely one to be targeted first. It'd be easier if I had her along so the others wouldn't have to worry about protecting the newbie."

Enrico looked... unfazed. The guy was truely unflappable. "And how should I know that? And why would I pair the two newest members of STARS together on their very first mission? That's just asking for an accident to occur." Here, Rebecca said something wonderful. "Because he kicked my ass without trying. While reading a book. He's also been helping me get better with marksmanship and hand-to-hand."

Now Enrico looked mildly amused. I think... It was like trying to read a rock. "You're serious on that, Rebecca?" "...Does it look like I did this to myself, Captain?" I grinned. Rebecca copied my grin. Enrico sighed. Again. "Very well. I'll have you two work together. But I'm holding you to making sure Rebecca stays safe. Understood Roy?" I nodded, with my serious face on "Richard, you're with me." "Understood, captain."

"Now, as for emergency contingencies..." Enrico continued on. I was kinda bored. Although, judging from the way he set everything up, he was a gifted leader and tactician. Shame he gets killed. Oh, well. Roll the dice, and see where they fall. Wonder if the 'Mysterious assassin' would suddenly catch a bullet from behind...


	16. Chapter 15 A Loooong night, brother

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

WARNING! This chapter contains graphic sexual material! Read or skip at your own discretion!

#15 With no smartass sexual banter here. "Yeah right... Um, why is there something warm dripping out of my... Gahh! You Bastard!"

"... And that is all. Bravo dismissed. And Rebecca, I still expect you to be present for this mission," "Understood, sir. I'll be there." She gave the classic cheeky kid grin. "...Very well. Try to take care of yourself, kid." Bravo team started filing out, discussing their take on the mission. I wasn't much listening to them, focusing instead on the map laid out on Enrico's desk. If memory serves, we would crash somewhere about half a mile from the mansion. Hmm... 'From the crash site, the MP jeep should be right about there... and the train right here. I wonder why the tracks aren't mapped out on here..' "Hey Enrico, aren't there some train tracks running through the forest?" "Train tracks? None that I know of." Lovely. He might be suspicious of me later... Nah. He wasn't that paranoid.

I left the STARS room along with Rebecca, intent on spending the rest of the day at her apartment prepping the rest of our gear. (Barry had gotten her an MP5, and she needed help loading the magazines. Damn, he was a good friend. I owed him a drink later for that) We made it to the lobby when we hit our first dilemma. Irons was out there, yelling at his secretary. Again.

"... How smart do you have to be to take phone calls? All you need to do is sit there and answer the damn phone! Is that really too difficult for you? Do I need to get someone to teach you how to pick up a damned phone?" She was cringing. Looking about two feet tall. I decided to interced before he decided to eat her. Damned fatass. "Hey chief, ease up. You're gonna give yourself an aneurism at this rate."

Irons looked like he was going to bust a gasket. So I turned up the heat a little. "Much as we'd all like a new boss, it'd be a pain in the ass breaking in a new one." Now he was frothing. "Anyway, I'll see you around, chief. Try to relax a bit. Maybe take a vacation. We could use a break too, ya know." Oh, he was PISSED!

I hauled my cackling ass out the door, pulling a giggling Rebecca along. The secretary had skedaddled out, looking relieved. "MUSSSTAAAAANG!" (Hm. Wonder if they'll ever work that into FMA? I don't own it, btw) I heard his shout a good twenty feet down the street. I saw little children in the street start crying, women who had been beaten by their husbands cringed, and an old man had a heart attack. I saw a lawyer grinning like a crazy bastard. (He must have been a collateral damage lawyer)

We hurried along, hoping Irons would be too lazy to chase us down. He was. Becky was still clasping the half-melted ice pack to her ass, signifying her pain. (As did the fact that she grimaced with every step) As we were passing a convenience store, I told Rebecca to go back without me. I went in, looking for a specific kind of medicinal cream.

I found what I had been looking for, and continued back home. Upon entering, Rebecca was nowhere to be found. I checked the living area, the bathroom, the kitchen, then went back to her room. I found her lying on her bed. (On her stomache, of course) She was still moaning about her sore ass. After removing my boots and holstering my gun, (Whoops. Forgot to mention I had drawn it) I quietly made my way next to her. "Hey Rebecca!" She jumped. As much as she could while laying on her stomache. I rubbed her back a bit, then touseled her hair. "Hey...!" She indignantly flipped her hair back to how it was, then turned onto her side. (With a grimace, it has to be said) "What do you want?" Annoyed, tired, and in pain. Well, I could fix that. "I want you to lay flat on your gut and take your pants off." She was jolted by my request. Then blushed. Then gave me an indignant look. Then I held the tube of medicinal ointment in her face. "So, do you mind if I rub some lube (Oil?)... I mean, medicine, on your ass?" I grinned, nice and big and innocent and like a crazy fucking bastard. She blushed. Then undid her belt. Yes!

SEXUAL CONTENT BEGINS HERE

* * *

So I laid her out on the bed, with a towel under her. With her pants, belt and underwear on the floor. And it took an effort roughly six levels above a herculean effort to restrain myself. (And my boner) I squeezed a nice dollop onto my hand, then slowly, ever so slowly started rubbing it in. (Starting on her left ass cheek, since there was a bruise in the shape of my boot mostly on that one) She turned rigid for half a second, as it was rather cold. Then relaxed gradually, as it started working. I started massaging a little faster, as she moaned just a little bit. From there, I poured a bit of the stuff on my other hand, and started rubbing the cream onto the other half of her ass. Right here, I moved so I was kneeling with her legs between my knees, and in a position where she couldn't see my boner. (I was fairly sure she would have grabbed it and returned the favor by now, but no point in freaking her out yet)

And so I continued massaging her ass, then grabbed the tube and squeezed some more out onto her ass. (I know that sounded just plain wrong) Continuing to rub her ass, a bit more firmly now, she was actively moaning. I mean really moaning into the pillow, eyes lidded and pleasure written all over her features. So, it was time to get her really hot and bothered. I spread her cheeks, adding a bit more ointment between them. I heard a nice, crisp "Eep!" from Rebecca, but started rubbing the stuff between her cheeks before she could complain. Her ass was surprisingly well-kept, despite her being a virgin. Not to mention she was completely shaved. (I felt my shaft twitch when I noticed. Kinda hurt, what with the pants I was wearing. And the bulletproof cup)

As I continued massaging, going from being a friend rubbing where she couldn't reach, to more of a lover getting her into the mood. I had started at the top, and worked my way down, teasing her ass just a little, then to her lips. As I rubbed, her body started occasionally twitching with my movements, letting me know she was having more fun than I was. (She was moaning loud enough for me to be getting extremely aroused by it, too. Not to mention she was fairly soaked down below. And I don't mean from the ointment)

I had switched my grip, reversing my hand so my fingers were on her bald pussy, with my thumb teasing her ass. Then she turned her head, looking back at me. With eyes so filled with lust, that my resolve nearly snapped. So nearly. So closely. Less than a hair's breadth away. I smiled kindly, then inserted one finger. And was rewarded with a faint scream. (Not loud and bloodcurdling, more like blood-boiling. Quiet, but loud enough to be heard form the next room) "Roy- Ahh...!" I wasn't going to give her the chance to speak. Because I knew she would beg me to fuck her brains out. And I wouldn't be able to refuse her. I wanted to tease her a bit more, then get her off and put her to bed. Moving forward, I increased my tempo. She went from panting and moaning quietly, to heaving her breath and moaning loud enough to shake the roof. I knew I'd catch flak from the neighboors tomorrow... So I said fuck it, and decided to really get her moving.

I put a second finger in, then slowed them to a crawl, arching them to just barely touch her g-spot. She cried out, mostly from frustration. "Roy... Don't tease me... I want it..." Ouch! Shit! It felt like my dick was going to burst. And that it would punch a hole in the cup I was wearing. "I want it..." 'Fuck fuck fuck!' I took a breath, then turned her over. (This was the real reason I put the towel down) I stuck two fingers in, bending them and pulling them backwards, as if make a "Come here" gesture. She screamed, nice and loud and making my ears bleed. So I made sure she would never forget this. I opened my fingers, making a V shape. Then repeated the motion I did earlier. I did this five more times, and then she climaxed. Hard. For the first time ever. After a good thirty seconds of gushing and shaking and trembling, she collapsed on her back, exhausted.

* * *

SEXUAL CONTENT END

I leaned forward, kissing her tenderly. (Difficult. I wanted to ravish her. I wanted to fuck her raw! But I held back. I was sure my cock would've bitch-slapped me if it could) "And how did that make you feel, miss Chambers?" She was still panting, but held up a trembling hand. And gave me a thumbs-up. I chuckled, then flipped her over, wiped her ass and pussy off with a second, smaller towel I had brought in, then pulled the two dirty towels from under her, tossing them to the floor. After tucking her into bed, (And removing her shirt and bra) I turned out the light, closed the door, and went to busy myself with dinner. (Mostly so my erection would hopefully subside)

I worked hard on dinner, making fried boneless chicken, white rice, sausage gravy, macaroni and cheese, steamed peas, and put brownies in the oven for dessert later. (I was damned good at making dinner, since I would multi-task and make several dishes at once, halving the time needed) I added garlic salt and parmesean to the rice, extra salt to the chicken, and added several spices to the gravy. I made sure to really busy myself, otherwise my pecker would stand at attention for at least three hours. Sometimes I hated being like a rabbit. Especially when there was someone I wanted to fuck nearby, but I couldn't. Damned tease.

After a good hour and a half of cooking, dinner was ready, and cooling off a bit. I went to go clean up a few things, and loaded another two MP5 magazines, then Rebecca walked into the living room. Wearing a shirt, a sleepy smile, and nothing more. She walked over, kissed my cheek, then said, "That was wonderful. Dinner smells great. Is it just about done?"

"Yeah..." She looked down, noticing my aching crotch. "You could've slept with me. Why didn't you?" She seemed a little hurt. Did she think I didn't like her? Wow... she had no self confidence... So cute... 'Shit shit fuck!' Dammit, my boner was at full strength again. "I have a reason or two. Hey," I kissed her, full out. pulling her into my arms and pressed up against my aching 'problem'

"I fully intend to fuck your brains out soon enough. After our mission, you'll have to take Tuesday off." I gave her a wolfish grin. She blushed, then looked me dead in the eye. "Good. I'm looking forward to it." Ohh, I wanted to tear her in half right here. Fuck. "C'mon, dinner's ready and already cool enough to eat." We went into the kitchen, with her rubbing my crotch the whole way. Damn, she was one horny broad when she got in the mood.

"Mmm! Your cooking's the best!" "I aim to please." "In all aspects..." Once more, my cock twitched. Shit, she was bad for my health. "Well, I am voted the most user-friendly model..." We continued our sexual banter throughout most of the night. My damned dick never did go down. Fuck. After dinner and the pleasant pain of sitting through a few sitcoms, we went to bed. I half expected her to slip into my bed in the middle of the night. ...

Well, she didn't, but I heard her moaning quietly for half the night. I think I inadvertantly taught her how to masturbate.

"Ahhn... Ah, ah, Ahhhhnn!"

_ '...This is going to be a looooong (and HARD) night...'_


	17. Chapter 16 A chance meeting

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

#16 Hmm... So Rebecca, who knew you were a closet nympho? *Rubbing her crotch during interview* "Even I didn't know... Say, why are you getting a boner?" Well... no reason... "Lemme see it!" Hey, wait, no! Ahh! *Splurt* "...That was no fun... You're too fast... and small..." I cried myself to sleep that night... before she came in and sucked me dry. Five times. BOO-YAH!

That morning was like any other. I got up, made breakfast, ate, left a nice meal for Rebecca, got a shower, strapped my gear on, and shot out the door. And was tripped by our loud, nosy, ancient neighboor. "What in the hell are you two kids doing at night?" Quick, think of a lie! "Uh, well.. We were playing Yahtzee last night, and we-" "Yahtzee? My ass! You two was fuckin, weren'tcha?" ...Well, that was a bust. "Yeah, you caught us, Mrs Dottnery. If you'll excuse me, I have to get to work before Wesker gets there and doesn't find his coffee on his desk." (And his pedo note)

I rushed off before the old woman could drag me into another conversation. Even thirty feet off, I heard her muttering, "Damn horny kids... He better marry her. She's a nice girl and doesn't deserve to be tied down with a kid all by herself... Not at that age..." She was a nice neighboor, always there if you needed a hand. But she was a gossip, too. Real grandmotherly. I continued to haul ass, and made it to the local home-owned coffee shop in under par time. "Heya, Doc. You got the usual ready for me?" Doc, a middle-aged guy of indian descent with a slight paunch, handed me a brown paper bag with several styrofoam cups of coffee. I dropped a twenty on the counter, then burned rubber down the street to the RPD. "Have a good one, Roy! See you soon!" He called out the door. Great guy. And a damn fine cook.

After entering, I went up to the STARS room, removed the cups from the bag, folded it, and stuffed it in my back pocket. Then I stacked three cups on my head, put four in each arm, and one in each hand, then opened the door and walked in. Wesker looked up, saw me walk in with all the coffee, and sighed. 'That boy has the talent of a prodigy, but wastes all of it on such petty tricks... It's a shame he won't cooperate with Umbrella. We could use someone with his skills' I tossed Wesker his cup, which he caught with amazing precision, considering he didn't look up, then went around placing each cup on its proper desk.

"Ugh! What the devil's in this coffee? It tastes like motor oil." Well... Actually i just pissed in it, in some back alley on the way here, after drinking about half of it. Dumbass. He deserved it. I shoulda jizzed in it, but he might've liked that, what with all the fruit I've eaten lately in preparation for Rebecca. I must've had some stupid, dreamy grin on my face, because Wesker gave me a funny look and said, "What's the matter with you?" I thought for a moment. "Well, to be perfectly honest-"

"I didn't mean for you to actually tell me, jackass." He flipped his paper back into place. 'Asshole. I shoulda shit in his cup and said they mixed it up with some sorta chocolate...'

After a few minutes, the rest of STARS showed up. Out of all of them, Rebecca looked the best. She practically glowed. After floating on sunshine and little naked bastards with bows, she sat at her desk, sipping her coffee. And giving me a sideways glance when no one was looking. I made sure I was out of arms reach, (So she didn't give me a rub in the wrong place) then looked up to Wesker.

At exactly 7:01, he folded his paper and stood up. "Well, there's been a change of plans in the mission. It's no longer simply a recon assignment, and you are now responsible for hunting down any suspicious individuals for questioning." I raised my hand. "...What?" "If this is more than recon, we'll need more manpower than just thirteen people with our dicks in our hands. Who's our backup?" "There won't be thirteen people. It's seven people with just their dicks in their hands," He deapanned. "There will be six more if you get yourselves into trouble. The rest of the mission is unchanged. Nothing further. Plan and adjust accordingly." 'Ah, fuck. Well, at least now Barry knows I was right.' Wesker sat back down, and pulled his paper back into place.

Enrico looked pissed. Well, as pissed off as a rock can look. "Alright, nothing's changed. Now instead of falling back, we engage any hostiles we come across. Adjust your equipment as necessary." He went back to his desk, and started filling out a few reports. I thought I saw a transfer request in there, too. Anyway, back to what I was planning. I looked back at Barry. I gave a nod. He slightly nodded back. He got my signal. That or he was just nodding off a bit. Either way, I knew where to find him.

After everyone left the room, I made my way back to the armory, and found Barry waiting for me. "I got the radios to Chris and Jill. I guess you weren't kidding when you said he was planning something." "Mm-hm. The guy's as nutty as a fruit bat, but he don't look it. And thanks for setting Rebecca up for me. I owe you a drink for that." "Don't sweat it. She's a bit dainty to go chasing murderers with just a pistol-" The door opened. I had one hand on my gun, the other on my knife. I hadn't heard anyone walking down the hallway, which meant it might be... The door fully opened, revealing a smiling Rebecca, and a slightly befuddled, blushing Leon. She must still be floating on sunshine. (I could hear the little bastards grunting with the effort of carrying her)

They walked in, the door closing behind them. "Hey Barry, Roy." Leon walked into the armorer's cage, and started taking a rusty looking rifle apart. Barry looked a bit confused as to why Leon was bright red. "What'sa matter with you, Leon? You sick or something?" Rebecca giggled. "No, he's just not used to girls flirting with him first." Right here I was laughing.

So Rebecca was teasing guys now? Holy shit. "So Leon, how does it feel to be used by a blushing little girl?" "Ah, i'll have to get back to you on that one."

"Now you see how much fun it is, Rebecca?" "Yeah. I think I'll have to tease Brad sometime... Heeheehee..." Barry gave a throaty chuckle, then said, "Hey Rebecca, how're you adjusting to that Heckler&Koch?" "Huh? You know about that?" "Of course. Who do you think got it ready for you?" "Ah! Thanks Barry! Roy said someone helped him out with that."

"Well... Not to brag, but there's only one guy who can get the officers the weapons they need." "Yep. Say Barry, you got a speed loader for that thing? The mags are a bitch to load when they're new." "Nope, sorry. Might wanna ask Kendo sometime, though."

"I will, next time I head down that way." After a few more minutes of casual conversation, which also included several veiled sexual euphemisms directed towards Leon, (Which he returned, much to Rebecca's chagrin) myself and Rebecca left, heading to the library to find a record on train tracks in the Raccoon area.

After four hours of searching maps and records, I found nothing. There were supposedly no tracks in Raccoon Forest. Supposedly. Which meant Umbrella hid all evidence of their construction. Fuck.

Well, nothing more to do here. I sent Rebecca back home while I went and picked up dinner for us. After seeing her off in one direction, I went the other, intent on finding a nice little place that served good food. I settled on chinese, since I rarely got that. I found a nice little thai restaurant, and picked up three orders of rice, with two of sweet'n'sour chicken, and one of golden chicken. After paying, I hopped outside, only to be greeted by the rain. And Wesker.

'Fuck me. And he even has an umbrella. In white and red, of course... Oh, the irony.'


	18. Chapter 17 With our dicks in our hands

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

#17 Oh, my aching nuts... "What nuts?" *She gestures the the cord around her neck, that had a small sack-shaped object affixed to it.* You are despicable, woman... "That tone doesn't work when you've got a hard-on, you know." ...Shit

"Hello, Wesker. What brings you out here? You have a hankering for chinese food, too?" Wesker frowned. (Well, he was already frowning. His frown deepened) "You know why I am here."

"Actually, boss, I don't. Pray tell." "Roy, I am here to tell you not to get in my way. You are to observe, and nothing more. Interfere with my operation, and I will kill you." His tone was (As always) serious. "Interfere with what, darling uncle?" I played innocent, gave him the fawn eyes and everything. Prick wouldn't buy it. His eyes narrowed. "Stop trying to anger me, Mustang." Oooh, he was pissed. "Who says I'm trying? You're just naturally short-tempered. And penised." I cackled, just like a monkey.

"Enough, you fucking monkey! (Told you) Why are you really here? There is no one in this country that has hired you. Officially, you don't even exist." "Which is why I'm good at my job. My boss is a professional, and not some hopped up buncha mad scientists with littleman syndrome. So Wesker..." I stepped closer. "Just tell me what the fuck you really want and get outta my sight." He seemed slightly caught off-guard by my unmasking. My features went from those of a cackling youth, to that of a veteran killer. A man who's stared death in the eye and made him blink. (Don't ask how. There are some secrets that are not to be revealed, mon)

"... I want to hire you. I want your aid in my operations." Once more, my mask fell back into place. "Well, dear heart," Now he was shocked that I knew of his little pet nickname for his love interest. Moron... "Not interested. You're all fucking insane. You can't rule the world with money and weapons alone. You jumped into this parade with your ass hanging out, and now it's YOU who's about to get fucked. (Thank you, Revy. Love that saying. Wesker was shocked) So no, I'm not jumping aboard a sinking ship. I'm here because of what I'm being paid, which is more than any of you could ever hope to gain."

"Then what exactly is it you're being given in exchange for this mission? We will double whatever offer you've recieved." "Money means nothing to me. You haven't earned the right to know what I've sacrificed. Deal with not knowing, Alby." I turned on my heels, walking back towards Rebecca's house. (Wesker was flabbergasted) 'Not being paid millions? He knows our financial records. Just what hold does his employer have on him...? And how can we acquire it?'

I made the rest of my way back home, feeling elated that I had made Wesker feel like a complete moron. Also feeling like a drowned cat. I opened the door and Rebecca stopped mid-jump as she was about to grab me in a bear hug. Then she hopped back, ran into the bathroom, and came back with a towel. (I truly loved this girl sometimes. Okay, most times) I removed my boots and jacket, stepped further in, and toweled off as best I could. After figuring my shirt would do better with just being thrown in the dryer, I removed it and my shoulder holster, placing the latter on one of the hooks for coats. (After removing my gun and knife, of course) I went and tossed my shirt in the dryer, then came back to the table, where I had placed the food.

The boxes were a bit soggy, but the food wasn't and was still hot. We chowed down, eating quickly and without much conversation. Then Rebecca asked why I was late when it was raining. "Well... you see, I found Wesker crying in a backalley, and asked what was wrong. He was feeling lonely, since today was his son's birthday, but his witch of an ex-wife wouldn't let him visit, and..." Oh, I was evil. This would go over great tomorrow. "So, I took him to J's and got him a drink and had him tell me about it. Then he started sobbing, and guess who walked in." This would be fun. "Barry came in, saw Wesker in tears, and came over and joined him in a night of drinking." Rebecca looked a bit teary eyed. I was close to tearing up myself... No, not really. Heheh. "That is so nice... Sniff..." And it would explain the awkwardness that those two would have, considering now should be when Wesker threatens Barry's family. Or sometime tomorrow. Either way... Let Rebecca think Wesker tried hitting on him or something... Ahahahahahahahahahaaaaa!

After finishing dinner, we sat down and watched a little TV while loading MP5 magazines for Rebecca. That 70's Show was still funny, even in the 90's. Anyway, after watching four shows and loading 14 magazines, we were heading to bed. Tomorrow was the big day, after all...

I went back to my futon, was rechecking my gear, when a mostly naked Rebecca poked her head into the room. "Umm... We could... uh.. Share... my bed, if you'd... you know... want to... umm... " Well. She was red as a tomato, and muttering half of what she was saying, but still. For her first time inviting a guy into her bed, she was doing pretty good. "Hmm... I might. But I'll need a little encouragement." With a wink and a smile, I waited to see what she'd do. She stepped into full view. Wearing a see-through nightie and nothing more. Well, color me impressed. I smiled, stood up, walked over, and took her into my arms, in the full-out lovers' embrace. If I had kissed her for any longer than I had, I'm fairly sure she would've passed out.

After taking her hand and leading her back to the bedroom, (Because she seemed a little loopy and out of it after that kiss. I think I short-circuited her) I laid her down, and hopped in on the other side. After getting us both comfortable, (Since she kept her room somewhere around 60-65 degrees farenheit) we did what all couples do. Snuggle, make-out, grope each other and use one other for warmth. (Eh. humans aren't all that romantic without all the flowery language, huh?) After that, she gave me the same look she gave last night. And I was tempted...

But I'm stonger than any other man, and resisted. So instead of boning her raw, I tongue- and finger-fucked her until she about passed out. Then I pulled her close, and drifted off into the same dreamless sleep I always got. Well, almost always...

-Dreaming...-

'Huh...? Don't tell me... Ah, shit' Well, I was in the same old dream I had every once in a blue moon. Lovely. I turned to my left, and waited 13 seconds. Then she appeared. "Roy! We need to go!" I followed her, as I couldn't do anything else. (I hate that about dreams. They never let you change things. They're just replays of your memories) After running for about twenty seconds, (Actually, we had run for about four miles. Just so you get why dreams annoyed me) we hit what we always did. An army. We fought, and killed, and triumphed. Except I always up with a bad gash in my flank, as always. It ached, and slowed me down. The cause of the next nightmare.

We went through a door, and found our former Master. He drew his blade, and advanced on us. As the most skilled, I stepped forward. We exchanged the same blows as we always did, which ended in me getting another nasty gash. He was about to run me through, moving in slow motion. When Sarah stepped in front of me, diving to the left. Master's sword went through her heart, but was knocked to the left, piercing my shoulder. My shoulder ached, as it always did. After she removed her katana, Master stepped back, waiting for our dispute. (She didn't in reality. Wierd. Dream people always have better manners than real ones) I told Sarah to hold on, she told me to go fuck myself and run away. As always, she lasted longer than she did in reality, blaming me for her death. Then I stood, facing Master. Drawing my sword once more, I rushed her. And found solace in her blade, ending this annoying dream.

I woke up, shooting into a sitting position out of habit. It was 5 A.M. Rebecca stirred, and I hopped out of bed, then went and started on breakfast.

Afer breakfast, and taking a shower with Rebecca, (Where she rubbed me a good deal more than necessary, upon whence I told her that tonight I would show her what love truly was. She went weak in the knees, imaging all sorts of naughty things) grabbing my gear, then heading out together, we stopped and picked up the team's coffee. After that, we made it to the RPD, where we met Leon at the door. I handed him Wesker's coffee, (Which I hadn't messed with this time) then went in and up to the STARS room. Upon entering, we were greeted by the stares of the rest of STARS. (Everyone was here early)

I handed out the styrofoam cups of coffee, (Which I had stacked as I usually did, much to Rebecca's glee at finding out how I did it) we sat down. I ignored Wesker's questioning stare, as he must've been wondering where his own coffee was. (In Leon by now, I'd suspect) I gave him the patented madman blank stare. After a few moments, he decided to leave it at that.

Several hours later, we (Bravo) were heading towards the roof, in full kit. Most everyone had a long gun in addition to their sidearm, which I needed to thank Barry for, and were wearing either more armor or carrying more ammo than they usually would. Personally, i was carrying my carbine, shotgun, SE2, and my cougar. (Not to mention a handfull of hand grenades and flashbangs, courtesy of Barry) I also had a pack of cigarettes, for emergency We-Are-Completely-Fucked-Game-Over-Man situations. Along with a metric fuckton of ammo, with three MRE's in my bag, plus the two radios for myself and Rebecca.

I was golden. Becky had her MP5, with reflex sight and a taclight, around 20 magazines for it in her pack and on her body, her standard red cross bulletproof vest, which had several magazine pouches added onto it, handgun, boot knife,(I convinced her to carry it, as it could ocme in handy) and likely a few other goodies hidden in (and under) her clothes. Edward had a DMR, (An AR10 with a scope tacked onto it) and the other members of Bravo were carrying MP5's, M4's, M1014's, and Enrico was carrying an AK74m. (This surprised me, as I figured him to be an M16 kinda guy)

We were on the roof now, heading for the chopper. Kevin Dooley was already in the pilot's seat, warming up the engine and spinning up the rotors. I reached the chopper first, opened the door, and waved the others on one at a time. The hopped in, Edward first, then Kenneth, Forest, Richard, Enrico, Rebecca, and after checking that no one else was running out the door, I got in, shutting the door. "SPIN 'EM UP!" I shouted, letting Kevin and Edward know we were all ready to get moving. (Helicopters are loud, which is why we wore headsets inside of it. I shouted so they would hear me over the rotors)

After a few moments, the chopper started to rise off of the roof, and into the air. We really were on our way. On a one-way trip going headfirst into hell. No one seemed to notice the grin of pure, unadulterated elation on my face. 'This is what I live for!'

_**From this point, there is no turning back. The doors to safety are finally shut, and from here on, you will live or die by your ability to sacrifice the part of you that is human. May you find your way out of the hell you have just walked into. Good luck and Godspeed, you stupid, suicidal motherfuckers.**_


	19. Chapter 18 Jumping feetfirst into hell

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

#18 Now we get into the action! and yes, I know I mucked up the dates. It's supposed to be on the 23rd. Fuckit. An extra two days passed. Bite me. Also, these chapters might come a bit slower, as I've been playing the games while writing them. Eh, gotta get the enviornments right.

The helicopter ride wasn't too bad. Everyone was stock silent. Probably because they'd need to shout to be heard. Anyway, we rode in the chopped for roughly three hours. Then we all heard a nice, resounding BOOM! from right above us. Enrico jumped up, asking what the hell just happened, while Kevin was shitting himself and trying not to crash us into a tree.

Afteran unnerving landing, we all hopped out, save Kevin, who wanted to stay with the bird. After everyone was out, I snatched up a spare handgun and grabbed a case of buckshot. Figured it might come in handy. I snapped it onto a D-clip on my belt, and stuffed the spare gun in the back of my belt. After getting out, we all spread out, searching.

After maybe twenty seconds, I heard Rebecca shout, "Captain, look!" While eagerly pointing to an overturned jeep. Then cue the creepy music... And bam, there were two dead marines next to the jeep. After the incident where Becky found and read the report aloud, we all continued our search. I stuck next to Rebecca, as planned. After five minutes of wandering around in the dark, it started raining. Then we found the train...

We entered, mostly to get out of the rain, and as I shook the water out of my hair, Rebecca looked around. After checking one door to find it was locked, we went through the other. I swapped my rifle for my shotgun, and as we walked halfway through the car, Rebecca stopped and gasped, seeing her first dead body. She then crouched, and picked up the little handheld radio we'd been hearing, and shut it off. As she was doing this, the guy stood up. Zombified. Feigning shock, I stepped back along with Becky, before we were met by two more Z-boys. Stepping in front of Rebecca and raising my gun, I put a solid round of 00 buck into their heads. Two of 'em went down, then I turned for the third.

Rebecca beat me to it. She raised her gun, and put a double-tap in his face. I was so proud I nearly shed a tear. After her little comment, we went through the next door. I switched hands with my gun, then moved up, checking around corners and waiting to hear breaking glass. When we got to the end, we found the body with a key in his hand. Grabbing that, I tried to ignore the loud-ass footsteps right behind us. 'Fucking gorilla...' After a moment, I said "Yes, Billy?" Turning, I basked in the look of shock on his face. Then he went back to neutral expression, (As neutral as you can get with a mullet) he and Rebecca had their little tiff. Then as he was walking away, I called, "Hey Coen! Try not to get eaten. You don't wanna be late to your execution tomorrow, right?" With a great big grin, I waited for him to reply. All he said was, "Hah!" and he walked off. Oh well.

We went back the way we came, as the other door was locked. On our way, Edward came crashing through the window. As expected, Rebecca fawned over him for a moment, before I said, "You're a medic, aren't you? Take care of it!" I waited for the dogs to come through. They didn't disappoint. The first one come in right above Rebecca, narrowly missing my leg, and turned back towards us to be met with the barrel of a 12 guage. "Sit, boy!" Pow! went the shotgun, and splat went the dog's head. Ha ha, fun, fun. I stepped towards the corner, racking the gun as I did. As I stepped around it, the next dog came through. As it wasted time growling, I put my first round into its fornt legs. "Sit! Stay!" I racked and fired the next shot into his head. "Play dead... permanently." Yeah, I'd always wanted to say that. Felt as good as I'd imagined. Rebecca was gawking as she was stitching a nasty gash on Edward's arm. Nearly poking the guy's eye out. Hahahahahaha.

"How's he look?" "Well... His injuries look bad, but they're mostly superficial. I don't get it..." Her brow was furrowed, a look of concentration in her eyes. "None of these wounds is deep, and he wasn't hit in any vital spots... But he's dying, and I can't figure out why... Not from blood loss, not this quick..." I myself was impressed. The T-virus was amazingly good at killing, especially with clawed and fanged animals carrying it.

"What about infection?" She looked surprised, then it dawned on her. "Yes! That's what these symptoms are! But how could he get such an advanced infection in such a short time... It takes hours or days just for any symptoms to show, with weeks or months before it gets this bad... My god, what did this...?"

"Dunno. Be careful with it. Hey Eddy," He still hated this nickname. "You still with us? Wiggle your toes or something if you are." He raised a trembling hand... and flipped me off. "I'm still alive damnit..."

"Not for long if you keep up that attitude..." "Knock it off, you two..." Rebecca continued stitching, and then wrapped a bandage around his arm. "That's about all I can do... I don't know what's causing this, but it's not just a bite." Edward looked like shit. I helped him to his feet, lending him my shoulder till I could set him down in the next car or two. 'Hmm... maybe this'll change the story some... Ah, well. Fuck it, roll the dice!'


	20. Chapter 19 Plot twist? Candy Ass

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

#19 Hmm... a plot twist. Wonder how this'll turn out. Muahahahahahaaa...

After carrying Edward's candy ass to the first car we had entered, (While Rebecca shot a few zombies as I was carrying said candy-ass) I set him down in a seat near the center. He sat back, adjusted himself, and drew his gun, checking the mag. I moved to the other side of the train and unlocked it with the key I had picked up. I motioned Rebecca to follow me, much to Edward's bafflement.

"Huh? Isn't it standard procedure for the medic to remain with a downed officer?" "Yes. But I'm overriding that in this case. I'm more worried about young Rebecca here than you. I can keep her safe, whereas in your case, she'd have to protect you. Quit worrying, we'll be back soon." Rebecca looked between the two of us, then hurried to catch up to me when I unlocked the door and went through. Edward was still wondering why I had taken her with me, but his thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door behind him opening. "You! You're-" "Under arrest? Give it a rest already." Billy had moved forward and taken Edward's gun before he could stand. Billy then tossed it across the car, near the back. "I'll see you around, piggy." Billy then went through the door, leaving Edward scrambling after his gun.

We had gone through the door, and I waited a few moments for Billy to come in. When he did, him and Rebecca had their second fight. I interrupted. "And that's officer Chambers to you!" "Enough! Listen ladies, if you two want to have a catfight, do it some other time. As of right now, both of you are to shut the hell up and move your asses up those stairs." They both stared at me for a moment. Rebecca in shock, Billy looking surprised. "That's not a suggestion, you two. Move!" As they scurried up the stairs, in fear of what a pissed-off 6'1, 190-pound former specop badass would do if they disobeyed. (I think. Billy might've just been humoring me)

I walked up behind them, putting my hand on Becky's shoulder to keep her from doing something stupid. "What do you think you're doing?" "Helping him! That man might-"

"Look closely, Rebecca. Why's he sitting at a table that's on fire? And why isn't he breathing?" She paused, looking closer at the leech zombie sitting at the table. I decided to be an asshole on this one. I reached over behind the bar, grabbing several bottles of liquor. "Barcardi? Shit. I hate wasting good rum..." I stuffed the still-full bottles with strips of talbecloth I had ripped off. After neatly lining them up on the bar, I took aim at the zombie.

I fired, hitting it in the shoulder. It split apart into hundreds of leeches. Before it could reform, I grabbed the nearest half-assed molotov and held the cloth over a nearby fire. The moment it lit, I chucked it at the zombie. The moment the first lick of flame touched it, the damn thing let out a wail like you've never heard before. I threw three more before it finally died, crisping in the flames.

"Fuck yeah! And stay crispy, you worm freak!" I then turned towards my gaping compatriots. They were gaping. "How did you know that would happen?!"

"I didn't. I simply saw something fucked up, and poked it with a stick. A flaming stick, but nonetheless. I used the molotovs because... well, It saved me some ammo, didn't it?" They were not persuaded. Moving on...

We heard a strange singing, and looked out the window to be greeted by the sight of some dude in a gown singing to the leeches. "The fuck is that?" 'Marcus? Damnit. Outta put a bullet in his head right now.' Before I could pull my gun up, the train started moving, and I lost my line of sight. 'Fuck it...' I went over to the bar, picking up a box of ammo that was conveniently lying there. I tossed it to Billy.

Upon catching it, he said, "So you figured we've gotta work together too, huh?" "Yeah. Dead people getting back up, dogs that wanna piece of my ass, and leeches that mimic old men. I figure that rates above catching a falsely accused criminal," I deadpanned. Billy looked surprised that I knew. Simpleton.

"I'm ex-military. I heard about the trial. It was a sham, processed at double-quick time and with minimal publicity. Smelled like a cover-up to me. Besides... You're no cold-blooded killer. If you were, you'd've tried to shoot us in the back. And I need all the help I can get right about now, so as far as I'm concerned, you've already been executed. Now come on. The door below us won't open unless someone goes up and reconnects the wiring."

Rebecca was perplexed as to why Roy trusted this guy, Billy. 'He was accused of murdering 23 people! And he wanted him to work with us? And how did he happen to know Billy was falsely charged? Something's not right...' Knee-deep in thought again, I gibsmacked her to get her attention. And to keep her from figuring anything out too early.

"Ow! What was that for?!" She began rubbing the back of her head. Incidentally the spot where I'd hit her. What a coincidence... "Get your attention. C'mon, we need someone to go connect the wires. Wanted to know if you'd volunteer." She was about to say no when Billy spoke up. "I will. It's nasty out there. Wouldn't want barbie here to mess up her hair..." Billy chuckled as he walked over to the open window. "Oy billy, change your radio to channel 53 when you get a chance. Lemme know if you find anything out of place." "Got it." He then climbed up the ladder, onto the roof.

We heard several bumps, thunks, and lumps as he made his way across the roof. I turned to Rebecca. "Ten bucks says he falls in." "Hah! You're on," No sooner had she agreed, than Billy was knocked onto his ass inside the mini-kitchen right next to us. I turned back to Rebecca...

"Fine! I'll pay you later..." I grinned. Then turned with a look of shock as Billy kicked the door down. "Well... that's convenient." "What? You didn't think an aluminum door could hold me, right?" I sighed, then went into the mini-kitchen. I picked up the key we needed, along with a few other things we'd need. I gave the herbs to Rebecca, handed the first aid spray and ammo the Billy, then we went on our merry way downstairs and into the main kitchen.

After a quick look around, we went back to where Edward was. He was furious. Fuming. Had steam coming out of his ears. I chuckled... "Hey, Eddy. How you holding up?" "What the hell are you doing with him?! He's a convicted felon! He's a mur-"

"He's already dead." "Wait. What?" I then said, "Billy Coen is officially dead. He's now going to help us get out of this nightmare. No ifs ands or buts about it. If you have any complaints, Edward, you can get the fuck offa my train at the next stop." He was taken aback, shocked, and pissed. "If Coen tries anything stupid, we'll leave him. Since he's hepling us, we're taking him along. So stuff it and keep watch here. See any of those leeches, and you haul ass after us."

I didn't give him time to argue. I dragged Billy and Rebecca with me through the door, through the next car, and into the hallway. After dropping into the room with the typewriter, we grabbed a few supplies and I typed "Chubbies rule!" before we made our way to the conductor's cabin.

After unlocking it, we stepped in. I grabbed the map, set it on the desk, and marked where the other key, the sting, the hookshot, the rear brake, and the engine car were. After that, I flipped the switch, which opened the trap door. Which neatly clocked Billy's head. "Gahh! The hell was that?" After seeing the ladder drop, I pointed up it. Like good little soldiers, the two of them hauled ass up it. I grabbed the briefcase and cut the key out of it so I wouldn't have to come back for it.

After heading up, we were greeted by the sound of the giant scorpion on the roof. I rushed them along to the other side before it decided to show up early. Skipping the ice pick, Rebecca grabbed the herbs, and Billy opened the door, saw the shotgun, and snatched it up with glee. I handed him the spare shotgun shells I had brought, which he was thankful for. After grabbing all the little bits and bobs that were in there, we left. I hung a right, pulling out one of the spare molotovs I had brought along. "Hey Billy, got a light?" He handed me his lighter, and stood well back. As did Rebecca, for obvious reasons. I lit the first molotov, and chucked it into the field of leech eggs. That burned magnificently, so I tossed two more molotovs. I had about three left, so I hung onto them. I walked over the burnt eggs, and went through the door.

I grabbed the silver ring in here, along with the other goodies stashed away. After getting everything, I went back to the others and handed over the extra ammo. We went back the way we came, and had taken no more than five steps when the Sting decided to make its appearance. "Here we go... " I pulled up my shotgun, my maniacal grin returning. "Let's rock!"

The others were gaping at the giant claws that were tearing through the roof, ignoring the crazy motherfucker that was leading them. They didn't catch the insane gleam in his eyes, but they did see the way he brought his gun up, and did the same. 'I hope this guy doesn't wind up getting me killed...' Billy was anxious about the slightly crazy guy next to him. Rebecca was terrified of the thing that was coming to get them, but wasn't willing to let Roy see it. 'If he isn't afraid... Than neither am I. If you want me, come and get me!'

And so, three stupid, crazy motherfuckers stood, waiting for a giant anthropod to crash through the roof. All of them there for different reasons, but all of them had the same goal. _**To live through the night and see tomorrow. **_


	21. Chapter 20 A stinging sensation

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

#20 Hmm... A candy-ass... A criminal... A badass... And a pretty young girl with huge tits... Damn. Sounds like the beginning of a bad joke. Wonder what the punch line's gonna be. Gang-bang? "Screw you!" Why Rebecca, why would I do that? The other three idiots are gonna do it for me. Now please excuse me while I go get my camera...

* * *

As the Sting(Giant freakin scorpion) broke its way through the roof, the only one of the three stooges on the second floor that wasn't panicing and/or shitting himself, was Roy. The guy who KNEW the big fucker was gonna come crashing down. And he had the biggest, most evil grin you could imagine on his face right this second. Let's find out how they deal with this... And hope that one of 'em finally kicks the bucket. I need more bloodshed!

"Alright! Let's rock!" (Ten points if you guess who said that...) Just as the Sting had clawed its way inside, Roy rushed forward, before it had even hit the ground. It seemed to be shocked that this tiny, fleshy little creature was running straight into its maw, yelling its head off. It seemed to balk at being challenged for a moment, in which its fate was decided.

Not taking any chances, Roy rushed head-on, raising his shotgun and firing before the Sting had time to react. Its legs had just hit the floor when two rounds of 12 guage buckshot came up and bitch-slapped it in the face. Racking his second shot, Roy jumped, using his shotgun to deflect the Sting's tail. After landing on its head, he aimed straight down, and fired three more times, completely opening the Sting's head.

He then dodged backward, off and away from the creature, just as its claws crashed into each other right where he'd been standing. Panting, he turned to glance at Rebecca and Billy. To find them gaping at him like a couple of trout. "What the hell're you doing? Shoot it!" Awakened from their momentary lapse of stupidity, (Or hourly, considering in RE0 it seemed like someone had flipped the stupid-switch on Rebecca. Least in REmake she acted like she had some common sense) they raised their weapons and opened fire, lighting up the Sting. "Aim for its head!" They both readjusetd their aim after a moment, and continued firing.

The Sting was, at this moment, being turned into swiss-cheese. After it had backed up a good ways, Roy shouted, "Get clear!" He then pulled one of the grenades he'd been saving, pulled the pin, and rolled it under the Sting, where it stopped a foot or two past its head. Upon seeing Roy jump up and run the opposite direction of the scorpion, Billy realised what he'd done. Taking Rebecca into his arms, Billy dived the way Roy had, landing with Rebecca underneath him. Just in time for the grenade to go off.

... was all anyone heard after the explosion. "...!" was all Rebecca heard when she shouted at Billy to get off of her, as he was heavy as fuck. Standing up, Roy looked at the two morons lying on the floor. He noted Billy had grabbed her and dived, with her under him. 'In case of shapnel,' he noted. 'Definately a nice enough guy, even if she thinks he was just being a perv'

After getting up and helping Rebecca to her feet, he stood there and said "What'd you say?" as he couldn't hear a damn thing the petite brunette was shouting at him. Judging from the way she was poking his chest, (and the angry scowl on her face) she did not appreciate being grabbed so brusquely. roy sat back and chuckled, observing their interaction with a bemused smile. Even though his ears were still ringing, he stepped between the two, and waited calmly for everyone's hearing to come back.

"...the fuck were you doing?! You damned perv-!" "Enough, Rebecca. He likely just saved your ass, even if he accidentally grabbed it, considering he knew full well what I was doing." "And what the hell was that? Couldn't you give us some kinda warning when you're about to blow something up?!" "... I said get clear. I needed that thing to be as far away as possible. Speaking of which..." He turned, taking in the view of the eviscerated scorpion. "Well, I'd say that was effective. Let's go before another one shows up. Damned umbrella." "Umbrella...?" Now they were both gaping at me. Well, time to show 'em the score.

"Yeeees, the big company that owns Raccoon city? That owns this train? The train that shouldn't exist, as there shouldn't be any tracks in Raccoon forest?" They were dumbstruck, as usual when someone pops their bubble of reality. "Their logo is everywhere, and the notes I've found thus far have hinted at something really big, and really illegal is going on. Frankly, I'd be surprised if it **didn't **involve certain overgrown arachnids. Now let's go, before something stupid happens." Dumbstruck as they were, all curious little Rebecca said was, "Like what?"

"Like more zombies showing up? Or those leeches controlled by the crossdresser trying to chomp our asses?" Satisfied in not wanting to be eaten, they beat feet to the ladder, as I snatched up the pry-bar conveniently lying on the floor.

Sliding down the ladder with one hand Gears of War style, I nearly clocked Billy's head as I landed. Reloading my shotgun, I led the way to the main kitchen, where I used the pry bar to open the crawlspace. "Wait here. I'll unlock the door." I told the two stooges to stay put, as I had the best chance with a shotgun. Crawling through that tight space was a bitch, lemme tell you. After getting up and realigning my bones, I took two steps. Low and behold, the dogs then broke out of their cages. Two shotgun shells later, I unlocked the door, then grabbed the gold ring as I went out the last door.

Walking over the the hookshot, I decided to skip the lever, and simply ripped it out of it's place on the wall. (Really, the metal arms were freaking aluminum!) Strapping it on the back of my belt, I went back inside and bump into Billy, as he opened the door. While he rubbed his now-bruised nose, I walked past them with a call of "Follw me." After a moment, they fell in behind me as I marched back to the conductor's cabin.

'Where the hell is he taking us? Is he just dragging us around for fun?' Billy thought, as he rubbed his nose. 'And what the fuck's that thing on his belt?' 'Just what is Roy planning? He acts like he's done this before... And knows exactly where he's going.'

After scaring the shit out of both of them when I walked into one of the passenger cars and shot a zombie without even looking, (I walked in, grabbed my pistol in one hand, raised it on my right, and BANG! Zombie was no more)

I finished making our way to the conductor's cabin. After walking in, I grabbed the breifcase, (Which I'd already pilferred. I stashed a bunch of the notes I'd grabbed along the way inside of it, to have Rebecca read them and figure shit out on her own. I had also snagged a few items I didn't bother mentioning, such as a few first-aid sprays and pistol ammo boxes. Most of those I had handed to Billy. I also neglected to mention shoving a zombie out the window when I got the silver ring. Eh, wasn't important) unlocked it with the two rings, then handed it to rebecca.

As she opened it and perused the contents, I held up the keycard I'd managed to hide in there using sleight of hand. "This should unlock the door into the engine car." (I haad us run through the rest of the crap on the train mostly to kill time, and for shits and giggles. The extra supplies didn't hurt either) After leaving the conductor's cabin, I unlocked the door with the keycard, then stashed it in my pocket.

Upon opening it, we walked out into the rain, and were met by a surprising sight. An Umbrella special forces member was staring at us, with what I'm sure was a 'What the fuck?' expression on his face under his mask. 'Well, this should be fun... Guess we're still early. Oh well, fuck it. More time to grab shit and get the brakes working.' The Umbrella soldier blinked, (Or seemed to) but said nothing for a few moments. As he was about to raise his gun, I acted. 'Time to screw things up a little...'


	22. Chapter 21 Another twist?

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

#21 Damn. Another plot twist? Fuck man, you're pushing the limit here... "What, you mean all guys have to abide by the No-more-than-2 rule? Roy doesn't. Not when he's with me, at least..." Hey hey, I thought you were a shy schoolgirl. Not a damned nympho... "He woke something insdie of me... Speaking of... Roy! Are you naked yet?" "No, why?" "Well get there! I want it now!" "...Yes, officer Chambers. Do you want the handcuffs, too?" "Not this time, no." Well, I'll be fucked and call me a monkey's uncle. "No thanks... You can just go fuck your own monkey..." ...That wasn't litteral.

As the soldier raised his gun, I rushed forward shouting, "Move! Leeches! Get inside, now! Go Go Go!" Rebecca and Billy, used to my impulsive behavior and knowing that when I said move, you move right then and there or you die a gruesome death, moved. Fast. They were right on my heels as we ran past the soldier, while I grabbed the handle on the back of his vest and dragged him along. We practically ran over his buddy as he was about to open the door when we rushed inside. I kick-slammed the door shut, then tossed the soldier in my hand onto his buddy.

Before they even had time to right themselves, let alone bring their guns around, they were face-to-face with the barrel of a shotgun. (And an MP5, alongside a handgun. Courtesy of Billy and Rebecca. I was so proud that they'd picked up on what I was doing and acted so quickly. They grow up so fast...) "Now gentleman, you don't know this, but I just saved your asses from a hoard of infected leeches. Now please sit the fuck still, and if you don't want to be eaten alive, you're going to do as I say. Billy, keep an eye on 'em." I walked over to the console and examined how far we were from crashing. A healthy ten minutes between us and unforgiving concrete. 'Lovely...'

I walked up to the soldiers and disarmed them. (I yanked their weapons from their hands, tossed them onto the other side of the room, then decided to be a real dick) I shoved the first guy to the floor and ripped off his radio. After smashing it on the floor, I looked at the second guy. Knowing his fate, he kindly removed his radio and handed it to me. (Wanting to avoid a concussion and an ass-kicking, I'm sure)

After dealing with that one, I said simply, "From here on, your lives are forfeit. Birkin is planning on having the train derail and crash into the training facility. Unless you feel like being aboard when that happens, you're going to do as I say. Clear?" Both of 'em gaped at me. (Four, if you include Rebecca and Billy, who had no clue what I was talking about. And at least I think the soldiers were gaping. Couldn't tell behind the masks)

Since they didn't say anything for a minute, I groaned. "I'm not going to torture you. Grunts like y'all know less than I do about Umbrella anyway. I want your cooperation until we're all out of this nightmare. Right now, the blonde bastard you call your boss is running an experiment with the t-virus, and would love to have two highly-trained Umbrella security service commandos act as guinnia pigs to test his little killing machines on. So either you help us, or I leave you to the leeches or something even nastier inside the mansion. Understand?" They nodded vigorously. "Also... Since you two haven't answered the radio message he just sent, he probably believes you're both dead. I am now your only hope to survive. So don't piss me off, got it?" "Yes sir!" they replied in unison. Grunts like these are easily manipulated once you've hung around 'em long enough.

Anyway, once I got those two to agree that I would get them out alive if they cooperated and would gut them alive if they angered me, I turned back to the brake. 'Six minutes to impact... Okay, time to pull a win outta my ass.' "Rebecca! Stay here and operate the brake. I'll radio you when I have the rear one active. Billy, watch over our new friends. I'll drag Edward's candy ass over when I'm done."

I hauled ass back to the rear car, yelling at Edward to get ready to move when I got back. When I got to the rear car, I slammed the magnetic card into the reader. Four times. Then it activated. It took me roughly thirty seconds to activate the brake. And less than a minute to get from the front car to the back, even hopping over zombies on the way. After the brake was online, I hailed Rebecca over the radio. "Becky! The brake's active! Hit it!" I hauled ass (Again) inside, getting back to the car Edward was in. After checking and making sure he was all-systems copacetic, I hauled my ass back to the engine car.

Walking in, (Trying to look nonchalant, failing as I was panting slightly) "How's it look?" "...Brake is on!" Her yell was punctuated by the sudden jolt we all felt as the train started to slow down. Catching myself on one of the soldier's helmeted heads, we all fell on our asses as we felt another jolt. Which happened to be the brakes breaking. "Fuck! Can't Umbrella make anything that works worth a fuck?! Everyone up! we're moving to the passenger car!" After pulling Rebecca to her feet, and Billy pulling the two RVB wannabes to the door, (Billy had slung their guns on his back. Smart) we moved back three cars, to where Edward was.

Setting Rebecca down next to myself, giving her a window seat too, and stooges next to each other, and Billy next to Edward, (To both of their chagrin) we braced ourselves for the impact. After five minutes, we were rewarded. The train slammed into the wooden barrier of the MTF, then we were inside the tunnel. A few moments later, we were all shaken by the train hitting something and flipping over. Then it all went dark...

_**So here you are again, Roy... Now isn't the time for your death. Not yet... But I'll have you soon enough... So begone with you. Damnfool. And quit giving me so much fucking work! You're almost as bad as fucking Whitman! At least he was clean with the number of people he sent my way! But noooo... You're the one who's got to get 'creative' with his killing. Geeze, I need a vacation, mon... **_

_**'**__And a muzzle...__**'**_


	23. Chapter 22 Back to the pas er, Future

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

#22 Welp, we gots a plot twist. And one twisted motherfucker. Who happens to have a soft spot (Well, more of a HARD one) for Rebecca. He also happens to be a trained killer. And both of them are trapped in a nightmarish place full of monsters... Wierd. Okie-day, back to 2008!

2008- Six months after Roy told the remaining survivors his tale-

A tavern on the east coast, Maryland to be exact. Place looks run-down, but it's homely. The man who owns it is old-fashioned, and wanted a place that respected the old ways, with friendly neighboors and good-sumeratin morals. Well... It was good in theory.

Still, it was a nice place. Served good food, had great drinks, and the prices were the best out there. A smoky joint that had rooms on the second floor for travellers and truckers alike, it was the best place to be if you needed to cool down and relax.

That is, unless you happened to be a guy named Roy Mustang. (No, I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. Coincidental name, no relation)

As this man named Roy sat at the bar, enjoying his drink, a tall blonde man with a similar outfit walked up and sat next to him. "I'll have a guiness, please." The barkeep nodded, and poured the blonde man's drink. "... What do you want, Kennedy?" "Huh. Is it that obvious?" "Yeah... Even when I'm half drunk. I know you had to have worked your ass off finding me. So, here I am. Whattaya want?"

Leon looked unsurprised. "Rebecca misses you. She thought you'd run off with some other girl. Until no one else could figure out where you'd disappeared to, that is." Roy downed what was left of his rum and coke.

"Hmph. Girl never could tell her ass from her elbow when it comes to people." "Well that's not very nice... What happened between you two?" "Nothing, actually. I left. Nothing before, nothin after."

Leon slammed his fist down. "She's worried half to death because of you! She thought you'd gone and died!" Huh. Surprised he's this riled up about it. I know what that means...

"So claire's the one who sent you, eh?" Roy raised his hand, signalling the bartender for another drink. He complied, ignoring the shouting Leon.

"What of it? She's worried about you too, you know. Though I don't know why. You're harder to kill than Wesker ever was." "Did Chris tell you that?" "Yeah. Way he said it, you're tougher, stronger, and a lot easier to piss off."

The bartender returned with Roy's drink. After draining half of it, he replied to leon, "Well, he got one of 'em right." Roy then backhanded Leon off his stool, and five feet backward. After rolling to his feet, Leon shot to his feet, arms raised. "The fuck was that for?!"

Roy drained the last of his drink, then stood up. "For interrupting my night. For being in the wrong place at the wrong time," Roy placed a twenty and a ten on the bar, then walked towards the door. "I'm outta here." Leon stepped in front of him. "Not until you go and apologise to Rebecca for scaring the hell out of her."

'Hmm... How to deal with this pest...' Roy stepped forward, right in Leon's face. Then grabbed his shoulder and tossed him a good six feet over his head. After he leanded, Leon rushed to catch up to him.

Upon walking out the door, Roy was tackled from behind, knocking him to the ground. After shoving Leon of his back and rolling to his feet, Roy chuckled. "Do you really wanna die that badly, Kennedy?" "Apparently, he does." Roy spun around, only too late.

He was punched full out in the face, sending him staggering backwards. After regaining his balance, Roy looked upon his new assailants. 'Tall, muscled, 5 o'clock shadow, tattoo on his right arm... And a fucking mullet.' "Billy... You too?" "And me three, apparently." Chris stepped out from behind a nearby hummer. 'Wonder how I missed him... He's bigger than the damn truck. I must be really plastered...'

As the three of them surrounded him, Roy considered his options. 'Run? No. Fight? Maybe... outnumbered and I'm wasted. Huh... What to do...' They decided for me. "Roy, you're coming back with us. Like it or not." Billy looked more than a little peeved, and Chris seemed to be itching for a fight. 'Well, you only live once...' I took my stance, trying to remember how to fight three-on-one without killing.

"Can't you just come along without us having to kick your ass?" Leon seemed the most agreeable, though he's a manipulative sunnuvabitch if ever there was a one. 'What to do...' Billy's hand twitched. Slight, but it was there. I shifted my left foot just a bit.

Billy lunged at me, fist raised, trying to catch me with a haymaker. Deflecting his hand up, I grabbed his wrist and his belt, then tossed him over my shoulder, right into Leon. Turning back to Chris, I was a little surprised to see him rushing at me with a taser.

I grabbed his wrist, then touched the shocking end of the taser. While it hurt like a motherfucker and I smelled burning flesh, he was much worse off than I was. Still... Considering I was flat on my back and dazed, it hurt. I sat back up, only to be tackled by Billy again.

"Bah! Get offa me you damned ass-bandit!" He had me in the same damn grapple Rebecca had me in years ago. 'Shit...' Before I could throw him off, Leon stepped in front of me. "Enough! Roy why the hell are you doing this?" "Me? Y'all are the ones who're attacking me!"

"I meant why did you leave?! Everyone else is either thinking you've been killed, or you really are a spy for Umbrella. So what the fuck are you doing out here?" "Trying to be alone, goddammit! Why can't you people leave me be?!" I bucked, trying to throw a certain tattooed fatass off my back. He simply tightened his grip.

'What the hell can I do to get out of this?! Shit! I swore I wouldn't go back to them, those-!'

"R-roy?" I paused. Is that...? I shifted myself, and turned my head to the left. And saw her. Rebecca was standing right next to the hummer, one of its doors open. 'Why didn't I hear it open...?'

"Billy... Get offa me..." He seemed a bit shocked, I suppose. Considering everything I'd said until now sounded slurred. Not to mention my tone had changed from annoyed, pissed-off, and self-centered to dejected, with more than a little self-hatred.

As he got up, I stood and dusted myself off. Then turned away, hands in my pockets, head down, shoulders hunched. And I walked off, in the opposite direction of those four. 'Why... Why can't they just leave me be...'

I stopped, as two slender arms wrapped around me. "Roy... please... just..."

"Why have you come here, girl? What is it you want with me?" I kept my voice neutral, calm, and monotonus. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

"...Do you hate me...? Did I do something to..." She sounded as if she were about to cry... I couldn't bear it... no more...

"...Becky, you never did anything wrong." I sighed... and felt about a million years old. "I left for my own reasons. Not because of you."

"Then what were they?! Please! Tell me what I can do to..." I turned and faced her, placing one hand under her chin, so as to look her in the eye.

"There is nothing anyone can do... You cannot change the past twice. I'm sorry, little one... I want only to be alone, to live out my existance as nothing more than a fading memory..."

"...Why...? What made you want to..."

I reached up with my other hand, and removed the contact lens in my right eye. I opened it, and let her get a good look. Her eyes went as wide as they could go, her mouth opened and shut, making not a sound. I replaced the contact. "I am no longer human, Rebecca... I haven't been for a long time."

I waited for her to be shocked, scared, angry, something! Instead, she said nothing. And then... "...I don't care." 'WHAT?! What the fuck?!' "You're you... I don't care if you're human or otherwise... All I want is you..."

I was silent. I was silent for a long, long time... Then I stated, "Rebecca... You're as stubborn as a bull sometimes... I need a drink..." I took her by the hand, and lead her insdie the bar, ignoring the other three stooges' stares.

I walked up to the bartender, and said, "A room. And all the barcardi you've got." The barkeep looked at me, then Rebecca, then the look in my eyes. Then nodded. He reached under the bar, and pulled out three bottles of rum, and handed me a small key, then said, "Room four. Don't ruin the place."

Taking the bottles the key and Becky, I went up the stairs and into the fourth room.

After shutting the door, I locked it and walked over to the little table. I set the bottles down and uncorked one, then took a swig of it. After that, I sat down and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, lighting one. After the first hit, I opened my eyes and looked into Rebecca's.

She looked surprised to see me smoking, and doubly so to see me drinking heavily. Well, shit happens...

"You can already guess... This is a long story..." "Longer than the one about Sarah...?"

"Mmm... Quite..." I finished the first smoke, then reached for a second. She grabbed my hand. "Those'll kill you, y'know." "Not fast enough." I didn't start on the second one, though.

"So what is it you wanna know, exactly?" "...Why you left... and why you're out here drinking yourself stupid."

"...Hmph. You haven't realised, yet? I'm the only one left. Everyone I knew is gone. They sent me back here to fix their mess, and didn't give a damn about me once it was over." She looked stunned, having never thought about my perdicament that way. Which was my goal.

"I've done my damn job. Umbrella is effectively gone. You all don't need me anymore. All I want is to go back to the people I knew and loved... And I can't do that. It's infuriating! Being right next to the people I grew up with, and yet they see me as a complete stranger. Imagine going back to your family, and having them not remember a damn thing about you."

"Roy.. I'm so sorry, I..." "I know that. That's why I left. I can't stand the sympathy, the bullshit empathy. They're gone, dead! Nothing that can be done. I wanted to just fucking disappear. You all have nothing more to worry about and you don't need me anymore. So why can't any of you just leave me be?"

I was well into that first bottle. More than halfway. Damn, it felt good.

"...You really have to ask...?" "Yeah, I do. You know more about me than any of the others...So why are you here to drag me back?"

She was... silent. For the longest time. "...Because I love you..." It was so quiet, I almost didn't hear it...

"So you thought your love would melt my frozen heart...?" She nodded glumly.

I sighed. "Arrgh! Damnit!" I slammed my fist into the table, cracking it. Rebecca looked into my eyes, so filled with rage as they were, but she never flinched. That did it. The dam broke, the ice melted, my heart beat.

"...Rebecca, you are a damn fool." I embraced her, nearly crushing her in my grip. "But I love you too..." "Cough... yeah... ah... could you.. let.. go.. you're hurting... me..." Oops. I let go of her, and stood up.

Hmm...I'd already paid for the room, so... "Hey Rebecca... The room's already paid for, so..." She got my meaning. "I think they can wait... We don't need to be anywhere anytime soon..." I embraced her again, albeit much gentler. Then I pulled her back with me, onto the bed...

The three stooges, Chris Leon and Billy, were sitting at the bar. They'd been there for awhile, waiting for Rebecca to magically turn Roy normal again. They hoped. None of them was worried about him hurting her, as Roy would never do that. They were pretty sure, anyway.

So there they sat, waiting at the bar. Leon had only two beers, saying he would have to drive. Chris and Billy were drinking a few shots, to ease their nerves. Then they heard a few familiar, rythmic sounds.

_Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump_

Followed by an equally familiar, "_Ahhn...!_"

Thankfully, the bar was mostly empty at 11 at night. The bartender was a little put-out, as he made a mark on a small chalk board.

"...Great...Well, we're gonna be here all night..." Chris was annoyed, especially after Roy had sucker punched him with his own taser. He was also familiar with the two former-STARS fucking habits, as they'd kept him up late at night more than once.

"Cheer up, means we'll call in sick tomorrow." Billy was slightly annoyed, but also happy, as it meant that the two would be back together. Or at least, Rebecca would be happier than when they'd left. He was still angry that the guy had left her the way he did, since Rebecca thought the world of him. But still... If dollface was happy, he wasn't complaining.

Leon was annoyed, but being good-natured about it. After all, Roy had helped him on several occasions with Claire and Sherry. Hell, he'd even taken on several of his assignments so Leon could have an extended vacation with the two girls he loved most. Although, Hunnigan threatened to castrate him if he ever had Roy sub for him again. Something about cosplay or something. Regardless... He was happy his two friends had made up with one another.

_"Ahhhhhhhn!" Thumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthu mp_

...Admittedly, he was still annoyed that all the survivors seemed to have extravagant reactions when it comes to their love lives. But still, he found solace in their smiling faces, and in the drink in his hand. He was also thankfull he had brought a pair of earmuffs just in case this was the way it would turn out.

_"Roy...! Roy! Right there, yes, yes, UWAAAAHHHH!"_

Leon was sure he'd need them. After his fifth drink, he asked the barkeeper for a room with three beds. The bartender told him he only had one free room, and it had two double beds. Shrugging, they took the deal, as the happy fucking couple would be at it all night.

Then he told them what room they would be in... "Room five. Have a nice night... Heheheheheh"

The three survivors walked up the stairs, the pictures on the walls shaking and thumping with the rythm of the two sex-fiends behind said walls. After going into their room, they played rock-paper-scissors on who would get the single bed, and who would have to share.

Of course, being the least inebriated, Leon won. After Billy and Chris, who were both very large bodied, tried sharing the under-sized comforter, they soon found out that the pictures were mounted with very shallow screws.

The first one plummeted, having been right above their heads.

Leon, on the other hand, was getting comfortable, and was rather enjoying the shaking bed, as it was like a massage chair. After affixing his earmuffs, he turned over and went to sleep. Unaware of the glares the other two were levelling at him.

Then Billy said the smart thing. "...I'm gonna go sleep in the truck. See ya!"

So then Chris was left alone, with nothing but the sounds of

_"Ah, ah, ah, ah, ahhhh! Yeah, right there baby! Oh, yesss... Ahhn... Ahh!"_

_Thump...Thump...Thump...Thump- CRASH!_

_"Huh? What was that?"_

_"Dunno...Don't care... Ah...Not so rough... Ah!... It's so deep..."_

They never noticed, but the crash sound was of the lamp next to Crhis' bed smashing on the floor. From being punched in frustration.

'Why me...? Claire, you are evil for making me come out here... And why the fuck is eon sleeping so well?!' Chris looked and saw why. For the rest of the night, he glared at Leon S. Kennedy, and his fuzzy pink earmuffs.


	24. Chapter 23 No Regrets

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

#23 "Oww... I still remember that crash... Blade, you're a prick for putting me through that. I wanna see our contract!" What contract...? I own your ass, bitch. Now get to fucking Rebecca again, you pedo. "Yeah, get over here and fuck me!" "...I hate you so much... but I can't resist... DAT ASS!"

"Aggh..." Once more, I found myself lying flat on my back, staring at a clear, blue... Concrete ceilling. 'Fuck.' "Oy!... Holler if yer dead..." Roy started getting up, repeating a phrase he remembered hearing in a video game. (Binary Domain. A great, but highly under-rated game)

"I'm okay!... I think." Roy looked over, to see Rebecca sitting up, holding her head. She was maybe ten feet from me. To her left, Billy was lying flat on his face. Then he started moving, moaning and groaning. "Ugh... What just hit me...?" Well, he was human. I looked around, trying to get my bearings. I saw Edward, sitting with his back against the train. Which was flipped over.

"Yo Eddy, you still breathin?" He raised his hand and flipped me off. "Good, you can walk on your own then." I started looking around for the two stooges. I found them lying one on top of the other, with flames licking at their boots. 'Wonder how long till they wake up...' I stood, walking over to Rebecca and offering her my hand.

After she was up, I started checking my gear. My M4 was good, hell even the aimpoint was working great. My shotgun on the other hand, looked a little mashed up. Worked fine, though. Except the taclight on it was busted, so I took it off and removed the batteries, pocketing them. Then I chucked the flashlight at the two stooges, clocking the top one right on his helmet.

"Huh? Wah... Oww!..." The top one started to get up, holding his head. (Little bitch... I wasn't wearing a helmet and I was fine with a slight headache...) After he got off his buddy, he looked at him. "Hey Tom, you alright?" The second stooge, er, Tom, started to stir. When he didn't get up after thirty seconds, I walked over. And gave him a good kick in the side. That woke him up.

"Agh! The fuck wuzzat for...?" I gave him my patented annoyed asshole scowl. Wesker mimics it well, but doesn't have a certain... flair that I do with it. "For lying on your ass longer than the untrained Rebecca after a crash. And because I felt like it. Now get up, your ass is on fire." He turned to look at said burning ass, then jumped up and started patting it down trying to extinguish the flames.

I surveyed our surroundings... And didn't like 'em. The train blocked our route outside, and left only one door we could go through. But there were several items lying around. 'Kinda random... But okay,' I thought, as I reached down and picked up a small round object. Ink ribbons. Lovely...

After we checked ourselves for injuries, finding nothing serious, besides Edward's candy ass, we began scavenging the items lying around. Once we had everything within our immediate area, I checked over our equipment. 'My M4, 12 guage, SE2, and Cougar. Rebecca's MP5 and SE2. Billy's got that double barrel and his own handgun. Edward only has his SE2, but has plenty of 7.62 ammo. The stooges, Tom and whatshisface, have a TMP and an M4, along with Sig P226s. Aside from Billy, we've all got enough ammo for a few nights... Good.'

I checked that Tom and... "Oy, what's your name, soldier?" "Randy, sir." "Good enough. Call me Roy, not sir." I checked that Tom and Randy had enough ammo. Which they did. "Alright, we're gonna keep moving so we don't get caught in it if this old rig decides to blow. C'mon."

I lead them through the small sewer, and I hopped out of the water first. I grabbed the first rung of the ladder, and said, "Stay here for the moment. I'll make sure it's clear first." I climbed up the ladder, gently pushing the trapdoor open, trying to keep quiet.

I failed at that, since it slammed on the floor behind me quite loudly. Anyway, I climbed out, then looked around the foryer. 'Nice... Swanky.' I walked up the short stair case first, then turned to where the camera was. I smiled, nice and big. Then took aim...

With Wesker and Birkin, observing the camera feeds. "What the hell? Who's that?" Birkin was freaking out that the camera had been shot, right after the guy had flipped them off.  
"Hmph. That is the one who decided to interfere with our operation. He said he's only here to observe our experiments for a prospective buyer, but I wouldn't believe it." "Yeesh, how did he even know where the camera was?" "I do not know... But I don't like the looks of things." Then Marcus came onto the feeds...

After making sure the camera was dead, I walked back over to the manhole. "Oy, it's clear up here. C'mon up." Rebecca came up first, eager to get out of the sewer. Then the stooges followed. After all of them were up here, I let them look around a bit. "What were those shots for? I don't see any zombies..."

Cue Marcus's lame recording... Which spooked everyone but myself and Billy. Eh, go figure.

"I saw a security camera, and call me paranoid, but I don't like being spied on." They gave me questioning looks. I rolled my eyes. "By the way, you two know that anything in here that will try to kill us will be after you too, right?" The soldiers nodded, knowing full well the bloodlust of umbrella's creations. "You also know that they don't give a damn about your wellbeing?"

"Yeah, we know. We work for 'em for the pay, not the benefits. Their life insurance sucks." The other one, Tom, I think, spoke up. "They don't even have dental. And they don't give any vacations. I was considering getting a new job anyway." Good. Maybe these two would be willing to work with us and not be a pain in my ass. Well, if they do anything stupid, I'll kill 'em anyway. I grinned. "Good. Then I have one last thing to say." I stepped close to the two fully armored soldiers.

"_**If either of you does anything stupid, I will gut the both of you alive and leave you to the leeches. Understand?"**_

Maybe it was the knife on my shoulder, or perhaps it was the look in my eyes that did it. They both gulped and nodded vigorously. I went back to my cheeky grin and stated, "Good. Now that that's cleared up, I want you two to go and see if you can clear some of the debris at the train crash. If you manage to clear a way out, one of you come back and wait at this manhole cover. We'll be coming back here to regroup and divvie up supplies once every hour or so. Which of you comes back doesn't matter. Besides..." I grinned nice and big.

"Neither of you would last long on your own out there. Hell, together you'd still probably die. The forest is full of zombie dogs and hunter alphas, so if you clear a way and want to do a runner, it's your ass they'll be feeding on." They looked a little dubious at this, but said nothing. "So get to it. Think of this as a vacation to fighting off various flesh-eating monsters."

They groaned but started down the ladder. I waited for the sound of splashing water before I continued. "Okay, now that the two stooges are out of the way, Edward, I want you to wait here. You got your radio?" He held it up. "Alright, now we're getting somewhere. If one of 'em comes back and says they cleared a path, gimme a call. Also," I leaned forward and lowered my voice.

"If they come back and threaten you, and want you to lure the rest of us into a trap, tell us that the Stooges are finally back. If all's clear, just tell me Randy or Tom is waiting on us." Edward nodded, sitting down on the staircase. He still looked haggard, but I figured he'd like for awhile longer.

"Oh and Eddy, if those bites start itching like crazy, don't scratch 'em. It'll make your condition much worse." Rebecca looked a bit surprised that I said this, but kept her mouth shut.

"And Rebecca is sticking with me. If there's an issue, I'll send Billy here to back you up. I'll get back here double-quick time if shit hits the fan. And if you see a zombie that looks like James here," I hooked my thumb at the painting of Marcus. "Haul your candy ass back to us, or down the ladder to the stooges. Do not go against it alone. That goes for all three of you. Clear?" They all nodded, but didn't quite get why. They would later on.

"Becky, Billy, on me." I lead the way through the doors into the dining room, raising my rifle as I did so. Good thing. The moment I opened it, there was a zombie trying to take a chunk out of my arm. I gave him a good whack on the head with the butt of my gun, then kicked him in the chest, sending him into another zombie.

I lined up my sights, then put a hole in two heads at once. Turning to my right, I shot a zombie in the neck, nearly ripping its head off. I turned further right, aiming at a closer threat. After taking the next one down, I looked back to the zombie that was across the table form me. I put a shot in its barely-attatched head, finishing it off. All this took place in under five seconds, by the way.

After clearing the dining room, I tossed the box of 9mm to Billy, which he pocketed. I reloaded my rifle, pocketing the half-full magazine. After a quick look around, I said, "Clear. Check mags." Both of them did so without a word, then looked back at me. After I was sure there was nothing else lurking about, I lead them to the door next to the body of a USS member.

The other two only gave the body a cursory glance, since I had them moving quickly, and didn't examine it closely. Once through the door, I looked left, then right. 'Right first.' I turned smartly right, then went down the hall and into the next room. 'Shotgun should be in here...'

The moment I entered, I raised my rifle once more, aiming at the USS zombie. Putting one shot in its head, it went down. I walked on, ignoring the ladder and statue for now. Once I laid eyes on the second zombie, a double-tap to its head ended the not-so-ominous moans. I looked around a bit, then picked up the small statuette, placing it in my bag.

"What's that for?" Rebecca gave me a puzzled look. "Dunno. I'll find out soon." Then Billy found the shotgun lying in the corner... "Sweet!" He picked it up, checking to see if it was loaded. It was. He unloaded the double-barrel and set it where the pump had been. After turning back to us, he saw our expressions. Mine a slight smirk and Rebecca's a full-out one. "...What?"

I shook my head, then turned to where the ladder was. "Going up..." I started climbing, knowing that they'd follow me. Once I was on the terrace, I switched to my shotgun, expecting a crowd. I lead the way as usual, and waited for those two to catch up. Once they were on their feet, I walked on.

After a turned the corner, I took aim for the first zombie's head. "Bang..." Firing once, twice, three times, they were down. Expecting a fourth, I turned sharply to the left, nearly smacking Rebecca in the head. I fired once more, taking the last zombie's head off. It also happened to splatter onto Rebecca, a bonus. "Rebecca, always be aware of what's around you. I won't always be here to save you, ya?" I gave her a sharp look, which she ignored as she was trying to wipe the gore off of her vest. Eh, can't win for losing.

After she finished with that, and grabbed the three herbs lying around, we went through the next door. And were surprised at the sight. 'Welll... That's nice...'


	25. Chapter 24 It gets freaky!

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

#24 And now... Shit gets freaky! Like, freaky-deaky! "Bad pun... And didn't you steal that from a book?" *Hides 'The Enemy'* No... I mean Yes...

We walked into what looked like a lecture hall. To our right were double doors blocked by two suits of armor with swords crossed over them. 'Wonder if I can steal one of those...' Roy walked over to the suits, and ran a finger lightly over the edge of one of the swords. 'Yep... Not just for decoration.' He then grabbed the gauntlet of the right-hand armor, and tugged. Nothing, no movement.

He got annoyed. Roy then grabbed what he could of the hilt, and placed his boot on the door itself. With a soft, 'One for the money... Two for the show... Three to get ready... and Four to get a free antique!' He pulled with all of his might, and felt something start to give.

The whole damned suit of armor started to tip, followed by a great grinding sound. Then the screeching of metal was heard. After a moment, whatever was holding the armor in place gave way, and the whole thing toppled onto Roy.

"Agh! Get offa me, you fat metal bastard!" Roy was pissed that the whole armor came with the sword, but after a brief struggle, he righted himself and ripped the weapon free of the knight. "Sweet... Knew this thing wasn't just for looks." After a couple practice swings, he looked back at Billy and Rebecca. They were both glaring at him in shock, fascination, and annoyance. "Uh, dollface, is he always like this...?"

Rebecca was torn between awe and vexation. Yes, this guy was strong. Yes, he was cute. But he was really freakin wierd, man. 'And what the hell did he rip that old sword down for?' Rebecca was too distracted to be annoyed by Billy's nickname. "Yeah... He does that."

Roy was perplexed as to why they were giving him strange looks. "...What? It's a weapon and I fully intend to put it to use." This did not, however, satisfy the two survivors. But they ignored their leader's oddball personality and turned their attention back to the room.

After a quick look around, Rebecca was reading the trainee guidelines left on one of the desks. "Geeze... This seems less like a training guide and more like..." "The mission statement of a cult?" Rebecca was surprised that Roy seemed to read her mind once more. "Yeah..."

After they finished searching, Billy picked up the two ammo boxes by the typewriter. Roy then motioned them to the double doors that weren't blocked by heavy metal bastards. While they were moving to the doors, Roy typed "Thanks for the sword!" real quick before he caught up with them.

Having Rebecca open the door, Roy stepped smartly through, sweeping his gun left to right. Finding no threats, he motioned the other two to fall in. Following Roy, they both walked in, looking at their surroundings. "Back where we started, huh?" Billy looked down, and saw Edward glaring up at us.

"Back already? Find anything useful?" Edward seemed to be feeling a bit better, judging by his scowl. "Not a thing. Oh, except this." Roy held up the sword he had pilfered. "The hell did you take that for?" "I collect them." Nobody was surprised to hear this.

"Anyway... Eddy, hold onto this for me, wouldja?" Roy tossed down the sword, hilt first. Edward scrambled over to make sure he was out of its path. After several echoing clangs and clanks, the abused weapon lay still, possibly glowering at its abuser. "What the fuck?! You trying to kill me?!" "Nah, It wouldn't've hit you if you'd remained still anyway." During this whole ordeal, Roy had covertly placed the small statuette on one of the scales.

"Anyways, you two wait here and keep Eddy company. I'll be back in a second." Roy went down the first set of stairs and up the other, towards the crow room. Upon going through, he shut and locked the door, switching to his shotgun and checking the chamber.

"...Uh, is he insane, or what?" Billy asked the two STARS members, still looking at the door he heard being locked. Edward was glowering, annoyed both at being told what to do, and that he was still in pain. And itching like crazy too, damn it. "I don't know anymore. I always pegged him as halfway into an asylum from the beginning.," Edward growled.

Rebecca was taken aback, not expecting Edward to be so against the newest STARS member. "I don't know how you can stand living with him, Rebecca. I thought you would've kicked him out within a week." Now it was Billy's turn to be taken aback. And shocked, flabberghasted, and stunned. 'She lives with that guy? What the hell?'

Starting to get annoyed at Edward's disregard for their teammate, "Roy's not that bad. He's really funny, and a great cook, too." Just then, almost as if it was purely to end their arguement, they heard glass breaking, and gunshots. Followed by Roy's voice. "Fuck yeah! Take that, you flying rats!" More gunshots. Rebecca, closely followed by Billy, ran up the stairs to the door. Followed by an ambling Edward, of course.

When Becky got to the door, she tugged on the handle, and found it locked. "Damn! Roy! Are you okay?! C'mon, answer!" "Move aside." Billy lightly pushed Rebecca out of the way, and was about to kick the door in when it shot open. Whacking him right in the crotch, of course. "Move!" Roy shouted, as he stepped inside and slammed the door shut.

While he closed the door and jammed something into the keyhole, he then started moving away from the door. Fast. Nearly tripping on Billy's prone form. "Huh...? What'sa matter with him?" Roy asked, hooking a thumb at billy, who groaned. Rebecca was trying to hold her laugher in, while Edward didn't even bother. Looking between the two, he then looked at Billy. And realised what had happened. Whoops.

After a good fifteen minutes, Billy was finally able to walk. Although he was still bow-legged. And glaring at Roy when he wasn't looking. After directing Edward to remain where he was and never, under any circumstances, open the door to the crow room, Roy motioned Rebecca and the glowering Billy to follow him back to the lecture hall.

Turning left, he lead the trio to the door right next to them and through the hallway. After dropping the two zombies with one well-placed round of buckshot, he opened the double doors into the library. "Whoa... " Rebecca was stunned, wanting to go ever all the different books she could see stacked all over the room. "Billy, grab that map. Rebecca, hang on to this," Roy said, as he tossed the piece of microfilm to said brunette. With a little fumbling, she caught it, placing it in her pouch.

Walking to the left, he pulled something from his pack. Before either of the others could see it, he placed it in a mechanism right next to what looked like a lift. "Billy, you and Rebecca haul me up. I'll have a look around up top." Both brunettes seemed suspicious of this. 'Why have the heaviest go up the hand-powered lift?' Their internal inqueries were answered with a glare that told them what would happen if they refused.

Standing next to the crank, their anxiousness was lowered when they saw Roy remove the hookshot from his belt, along with his shotgun and ammo belt, placing them on the floor beside the lift. Hefting his rifle, he stepped onto the lift, and looked at his compatriots. And saw them dreading the workout they were about to get. "Alright, get to it."

After much cranking, grunting, heaving and complaining, they had the lift high enough to where Roy had jumped and grabbed onto the ledge of the next floor, climbing up. Aiming upwards, he saw the giant bugs as they lurked on the ceiling. 'Well... Just call me Dale the exterminator' He opened fire, killing the first bug. Turning left, he saw the other, antennae twitching. "Bang goes the bug..." And so it did.

Hearing gunshots, the two down below flinched when they heard something big and heavy impacting the cleiling above them. "Geeze... What the hell is that?" Their answer came in an unexpected fashion. "Die you eight-legged freaks!" "Um... Did he just say what I thought he just said?" Rebecca was somewhat freaked, as she still had her selfsame fear of bugs from when she was a kid.

Going back to Roy, he had just gone through the door on the other side of the room. As he walked out, he was wishing he'd brought his shotgun. Blasting the handfull of crows that were lazing about, he reloaded his rifle, and checked his ammo count. 'Lots. Just enough.' Walking across the terrace, he picked up the herbs to give to Rebecca later. Going through the next door, he found what looked an obvious trap. 'What moron would fall for that? Key in a cage? Riiight...' He walked through and went down the stairs on his left.

At the end of the short hall, he unlocked the door and went back to the door he'd passed. Opening it, he stepped through, aiming downward as he did so. After putting a healthly half-dozen rounds in each bug, he was satisfied. He went to the other end of the room and pocketed the small statue. After making sure the dead bugs would stay dead, he went back out into the hall, and through the door he'd just unlocked.

Pulling his radio out, he hailed Rebecca. "Oy kid, grab my gear and meet me back at the main foyer. Don't take any side routes, ya hear? Over." "Roger. On our way." A good five minutes later, Rebecca walked through the topmost door. After Roy strapped his items back on, he lead the duo back through the now unlocked door, and went into the room he'd just cleared.

"Eww!" As expected, Rebecca freaked out at the giant bugs. Dead, but still giant bugs. After chuckling, Roy said, "Wanna pet him? Don't worry, he won't bite no more." Grinning at the nice shade of green her face turned, he went back to looking around the room. After examining the grenade launcher, he said, "Hey Billy, you get any training with the thumper?" Billy nodded, then noticed what Roy was looking at. "Is that what I think it is?" Roy only grinned in response.

After grabbing the ammo and first aid spray, they went back out the door they came from, following Roy. Even as they started to think he was leading them in circles. 'Where is he going? He acts like he's been here before and knows where to go, but... Just where is that?' Going up the stairs, they followed them as he suddenly stopped, with Rebecca walking right into him.

He looked left, at some strange machine. He looked right, at what might have once been a pool. Then he grinned. "Billy, see those cranks over there? Start turning the second one from the left. Rebecca, cover me from up here." Roy walked over to the edge of the pit, hopping down. After giving each other a curious look, they did what they were told. Seeing the cage with the connectign chain, along with something sitting under the cage, Rebecca said, "Uh, Roy, doesn't this look kindof..." "Like a trap? Obviously."

"Then why're you..." Rebecca didn't have time to finish. As the cage started to rise, they heard a grinding noise, which cut her off. "Billy! Keep that cage up high! If it falls on me, I'm gonna kick your ass!" Roy was shouting over the noise, then the sound stopped. As he walked towards the key on the floor, Rebecca could see that he was tense. 'Something's about to happen...' She flicked off the safety of her MP5, and set it to full-auto.

Reaching down, Roy slowly touched the key, then snatched it up, dashing back to where he'd jumped down. He got ten feet before the grate behind him was smashed open, as what looked like a huge centipede crawled forth. Running full-out, Roy reached the edge of the pit, jumping up and grabbing the ledge before hauling himself up and over in record time. While Rebecca freaked out at the giant insect, Billy dropped the crank, running to her side with shotgun raised.

"What the fuck is that?!" Billy was freaking too, Roy realised. Fuck. "Mutated bug. Shoot it! Use the launcher!" Roy was already lighting it up, having switched to full-auto as well. After half a second, Rebecca raised her weapon, survival instinct overriding her fear. While both of them fired upon the oversized bug, Billy was bringing up the grenade launcher, hoping it was loaded. As he checked the chambers, he found it was. Flipping the stock up, he brought it to his shoulder.

Just in time. While Roy had been firing, backing up the whole time, Rebeca had been standing still. 'Shit!' Roy dashed forward once more, just as Rebecca's gun clicked dry. 'Oh no...!' She was just thinking that she was screwed, seeing the mutated insect rear back just before it lunged at her, mandibles thrashing.

Before she had time to realise how close to death she'd just been, she reopened her eyes, and found out what just happened. Roy had dashed forward, closing the fifteen feet between them in under a second, before grabbing her and doding out of the way of the creature. She had only a moment to register this, before she heard someone shout, "Fire in the hole!"

Then she felt herself moving, and really freaking fast! As she looked up the the man who's arms were around her, she saw how fast the ceiling above them was passing by. Far too quickly to be normal. Before she had any time to register this, she heard, no, felt an explosion from within the same room.

Billy had raised his weapon and clicked the safety off, then fired upon the giant centipede. He wasn't sure what happened to Roy or Rebecca, as they had just been in front of the creature when he took his eyes off of it to find the safety. Once the smoke from the grenade cleared, he looked around, and found the two of them by the wall. A good thirty feet from where they'd been standing. At the time, he thought nothing of it. Neither did Rebecca.

As Roy set the startled, and completely freaked out medic down, he patted her shoulder and gave her a reassuring smile before evaluating the state of the centipede. 'Well, I'd call that dead... Considering its head is gone.' The entire front five feet of it was gone, and there was a nasty looking goop over the floor. The rest of it was entirely still. As he walked over, he gave one of its legs a good kick. No movement, nothing.

"Well, that was satisfying... Good shot, Billy. Rebecca, you alright, girl?" After a few more moments of shaking, she lifted a trembling hand and gave him a thumbs up. "Good. Check your weapons, check your bodies, and change your pants if need be. We move out in five." Roy then plopped down on the floor, and started reloading his rifle. After checking that there was nothing wrong with it, he set it down and pulled out his shotgun, doing the same with it.

Rebecca sat down, her heart still going a mile a minute. After she waited for it to calm down, she looked down at her gun. And found that she was still clenching the trigger. After releasing it, she found her hands were hurting slightly, and gave them a shake. Then she set to make safe her weapon, and reloaded. Then she checked her various limbs for damage, finding none.

Billy checked the launcher, removed the spent shell, and placing one of the incindiary ones in it. After refolding the stock, putting it on safe, and slinging it over his shoulder, he checked his shotgun and reloaded it. Then he took a look a Rebecca, and found her still shaking slightly. He walked over, and sat next to her. "You okay?" "Y-yeah... Just still a bit shaken. How did that thing get so big...?"

"I don't know... Umbrella's gotta be behind it though. Whatever they're doing here, it sure ain't kid-friendly." Rebecca looked over at the supposed criminal. 'Maybe Roy was right... This guy doesn't seem like some psycho killer.' After the five minutes had passed, Roy stood up. "Alright, let's get moving. On me." He lead the way back to the foyer, giving the dead centipede another kick along the way. For good measure.

After he entered, he looked down at Edward. "What the hell was that noise just now?" Edward looked a bit shocked. Well, whatever. "Giant bug. Just call me Dale the exterminator." Not giving Edward time to reply, he went up the stairs, and pulled the white statuette from out of his bag. After he placed it on the scale, opposite of the black statuette, he turned around to the questioning stares of his squadmates. "Don't ask. Read the enscription." He then walked past them, and stood at the doors to the dining room.

After they both read the writing below the statue, they shrugged and followed Roy. Edward pondered on what Roy had meant when he said 'Giant bug,' and went through the door the trio had come through. After going up the stairs, seeing the humongous centipede, completely freaking the fuck out, and making a mad dash, (More like mad gimp. Muahahahahaha!) back to the foyer, he vowed to never leave that room without the others and a fucking machine gun.

After entering the dining room, he automatically turned left and shot the now-reanimated zombie. After that, he walked over the the door. Seeing it, Rebecca said, "Huh? Why's there a fire insignia on the door?" Wordlessly, I pulled out the fire key and held it up so she could see it. "Ohh... Huh. Wierd system." I then unlocked the door and went through, right into the kitchen. Taking a quick look around, I sw several useful Items. 'Hmm...' "Billy, remember the room where you got that pump shotgun? Go and grab the gas can that was next to where you found it. Rebecca, grab the ammo."

I myself picked up the empty bottles and lighter fluid. Billy left on his task, and after a few minutes, he came back, gas can in hand. After a few minutes searching for a funnel, I filled each bottle with a generous ammount of gasoline. Then, I found and stuffed the bottles with cloth rags from around the kitchen. Seeing what I was making, the two of them stepped back. Smart. "Oy Billy, refill your lighter if you need to." I handed him the can of fluid, and continued making molotovs until I ran out of bottles.

After making sure they wouldn't break or leak, I stuffed them into their designated pouch in my pack, after handing Rebecca two of them. I then said, "If you see any of those leech zombies, blast 'em once, then chuck a molotov at 'em. Make sure you burn each leech to a crisp."

After making sure there was nothing more we needed in there, I grabbed the half-full gas can and lead them to the foyer, where I deposited the gas can. Much to Edward's befuddlement. I then went up the stairs and through the door behind the statue. After making sure the other two were keeping up, I turned left and went through the door. Moving past the doors to the library, I went to the second fire door. After unlocking it, I chucked the key and went in.

Narrowly dodging said key, Billy and Rebecca went through. 'Still can't wrap my head around how he knows where to go... Has he been here before?' Billy was thinking, and Rebecca's mind was following similar lines. Roy was surprised that those two knuckleheads had kept quiet for so long. He figured that they were a little suspicious of him by now, but didn't much care. Fuck 'em. They follow or I have 'em sit out with Eddy in the losers' box- I mean, foyer. Heheh.

Turning on the light on his rifle, Roy swept the room. Finding no threats, he walked behind the desk and vaulted over the table. After flipping on the light switch, he turned off his taclight and grabbed the small table. Pulling it back into position, he slid over it again and moved it underneath the moose head. "Becky, c'mere." Slightly hesitant, she walked over. "Hop up and see if there's anything on top of that thing." He hooked a thumb at the moose head.

Before they could wonder what the fuck he was thinking, He said, "Move! We're burning daylight here." Rebecca climbed onto the table, shaky as it was. After leaning precariously for a moment, she reached up and felt around the stuffed head. Then she grabbed the iron needle. Before Rebecca had time to think, 'The hell is this thing?' the table shifted under her. And she started to fall.

Smartly catching her, Roy pulled the iron needle from her hand, examining it. 'Huh... Wierd.' Turning so she could get her feet under her, he hadn't noticed the blush that crept its way onto her cheeks. "Hmm... Looks like a piece of a clock." Then Roy walked over, picking up the box of 9mm and tossing it to Billy without breaking stride. After glancing at the document left by the assistant director, he handed it to the still-blushing Rebecca. While she was examining that, he grabbed the 12 guage rounds and passed most of them to billy, taking five to refill his belt.

Neither Billy nor Rebecca had noticed that Roy was the one who had been coverly shaking the table, making sure Rebecca fell towards him. And taking her mind off of the object in her hand. The fact that he'd rubbed his crotch against her ass when turning her to embarass her was a bonus. Moving on...

After a quick survey to make sure he missed nothing, Roy walked out the door and went towards the library. After waiting a moment for the other two, he went inside. Walking to the right this time, he went over to the door. "Billy, got a light?" Billy rummaged around in his pocket for a moment, before taking out his lighter. Handing it to Roy, Billy was wondering what the guy was going to do next. Burn the door down? Heh, he didn't put it past him. He was surprised to see him light the candle next to the door.

And both he and Rebecca were shocked to hear a click soon after. Opening the door, Roy motioned for them to wait. As he stepped through, they saw him raise his rifle. They covered their ears. Two muffled Bangs were heard, and then he waved them in.

As they stepped through, they found three corpses. One half-eaten. As Rebecca started to feel her lunch coming back up, Roy turned and said, "Wait ouside if you want to, Becks," before walking over to the bodies and putting a round into the head of the one the other two had been eating. Then he reached over and grabbed the grenades, handing them to Billy. Hopping onto the ledge, Roy walked over to the bookcase and put his shoulder to it.

Pushing the fucking heavy-ass thing over was a pain, but afterwards, he was glad to have the book. Heading back out the way he came, he lead the two stooges to the foyer, and the statue. Opening the book, he placed the wings inside on the scale with the white statue. Seeing what he was doing, Rebecca was slightly freaking. 'How did he know where to find that?! And what happens when you get both statues to weigh the same?'

Not giving them time to question him, Roy walked over to the door leading to the pit room. Opening it, he motioned them to follow him. Headign up the stairs and turning sharply left, he went over to the door. Going through, he held it open for the others. Once they went through, he went right, straight to the clock room.

After going in, and giving Rebecca and Billy enough time to snoop around a bit, he knelt by the large clock, pulling out the iron needle. "Welp, let's see... It's 5 O'Clock somewhere..." He placed the hand in the mechanism, and moved the hands to 8:15. "Heh, it's happy hour alright."

After the clockwork started moving, they heard an ominous Click sound. Roy stood, and waved them to follow. Heading out the door, he lead them back to the foyer. It just so happened, the other two stooges came back up the manhole. "Hey! We've cleared a path!" 'Hmm... Good, but until daylight the leech queen isn't vulnerable... Oh well, stalling time.'

"Did you two hear any barking, howling, or ominous noises?" They both shifted uncomfortably. "...Yeah, there was a lot of barking we could hear from outside... Wierd moaning and thumping sounds too. We worked twice as fast in hopes we'd leave before meeting what made those noises." "Hmph. You call yourselves soldiers? More like a couple of children." Edward was scoffing at them. Moron.

"Either way. You two, stay here with Eddy or g'head and run for the hills. Doesn't matter to me." I smartly turned, and went to the door that I knew had just been unlocked. Rebecca, of course, followed close behind. Billy thought about it for a second. Then he hauled ass to the door, too. Last thing I heard before opening the door was, "...Don't suppose you got a deck of cards?" Fucking stooges.

I turned to Rebecca and Billy, and said, "I'll get the front and left. You two cover the right side. Headshots." They nodded, and I threw the door open, stepping through with rifle raised. I fired on the two in front of me, moving slightly to the left. Rebecca moved in and went right, aiming her weapon and firing in short bursts. Billy stepped through, aiming at the ones that Rebecca had knocked backwards and finishing them off. As he stepped inside, he kicked the door shut.

After a few moments, the room was clear. "Fresh mags. Then check for anything useful." While we search, Billy grabbed more shotgun rounds, and Rebecca pocketed another microfilm. 'Note to self. Have her observe those later...' Once we'd grabbed everything useful that wasn't nailed down, including a stupid poem, we went back into the foyer. And found the three idiots playing cards.

Ignoring them as best I could with a scowl on my face, I went down the stairs and through the other door that we'd all been ignoring. Moving quickly through the hallway, I ignored the first door and instead made a beeline for the one that had just been unlocked.

Opening it, I said, "Check your fire!" I took careful aim around the projection system, and blasted the two zombies with new airholes. Afterwards, I said, "Rebecca, let's see what's on those microfilm bits." As soon as I said it, she walked over to the projector, pulling the fillm from her pockets.

Placing them into the projector, she saw something familiar. An overview of the lecture hall, with numbers and letters written on it. 'Seating arrangements? Hm.' As she was thinking it, something odd happened. The projector spit out an MO disk. Taking it with a puzzled expression, she placed it and the microfilm image in her bag.

After we got the other ammo box in the room, we left. I raised my hand, motioning them to stay put. Pulling my shotgun up in favor of my rifle, I steped forward cautiously. Seeing nothing dangerous yet, I kept going. Then into the bathroom. After a quick look, the leech zombie wasn't here yet. I then pulled one of the molotovs and set it on the sink, and pulled out a second one.

When I started towards the door, then the bastard appeared. As it was pulling itself together, I lit the first molotov with my lighter, and chucked it. As soon as the first licks of flame spread, the thing made a horrible wailing sound. I pulled up my shotgun, taking aim. With the first round, it fell completely apart, still burning. With the second and third, it was nearly dead. The fourth put the nail in the coffin.

After stomping the remaining one or two leeches, I walked out the door. And nearly into Rebecca. They were a little freaked by the sound of gunfire, and the leeches' wails. I simply said, "Hey. I called the toilet first, but that asshole tried to cut in." With a grin, it has to be said. "If either of you two needs a potty break, now's the time." They broke the three-minute-mile racing past me and into the bathroom. Chumps.

About ten minutes later, they both stepped out, looking much better. Considering they both had more than a little gore stuck to 'em. Billy had the gas can in hand, while Rebecca has holding two more molotovs. I was so proud of them. I lead the way, and stepped around the corner. Right into another fucking leech zombie.

"Fuck... Get back!" I snatched the molotov from Rebecca's hand, lighting it in under par time, and smacking the zombie right in the face with it. Replacing my lighter, I brought my shotgun round to bear, and blasted a hole in it. Four times. Then I stomped the last handful of the little bastards. After my wild little dance, the other two were staring at me. Aparently sweatdropping the whole time. Fuckers.

After walking back to the foyer, I said, "Hey! There's a bathroom through this door, down the hall and on your left. Should be clear, but watch out for any leeches." Once more, I was amazed that three people, two in full tactical gear and one with a good few chunks taken out of him, broke the three-minute-mile racing to the bathroom. Simpletons.

After a moment of watching and listening to them run and argue at the same time, we went up the stairs and into the lecture hall. Approaching the podium, I held my hand out to Rebecca. After a moment, she fumbled in her pouch for the disk, then handed it to me. I placed it in the computer. It read, "Input code 0A"

After a second, I walked over the the desk designated 0 and pressed the button on it. Then I did the same for the one labelled A. After a moment, we heard something. And saw the knights (Well... Knight, considering the one I kinda broke) raise its sword from the door. "Sweet. Let's go."


	26. Chapter 25 I hate chess

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

#25 Bada-Bangbangbang! Sorry, the last chapter was long as fuck since I was up doing that and was half asleep. And sorry if the last few chapters have been boring, but since they're moving with a military guy, he don't talk much during an op. Still, he has the offhand smartass comment every now and again. Also, something funny. "I have a dig bick. You that read wrong. You read that wrong too."

Upon going through the first knight door, (Even if the knights aren't there, it was still locked and I didn't feel like kicking it down after getting crushing by a suit of armor. Felt like karma) I pulled up my shotgun and blasted the head off the nearest zombie. Heading further left down the hallway, and turned right. Seeing another deadhead, I popped his head off with my next shot. Racking and reloading, I opened the double doors on my right, and motioned the gruesome twosome behind me through.

Upon entering, my first thought was, 'Shit.' "Ah, fuck. I hate chess." We were on a life-size chessboard. And I remember how this bit played out... "Hey Rebecca, see the chessboard on the desk over there?" She stood on her toes, then nodded. "Okay, you go and coordinate. Me and Billy here will shift the pieces." Rebecca was starting to realise that the whole place was laden with elaborate puzzles, while Billy was baffled. "The hell are we playing chess for?" I ddin't bother answering. After a moment of examining the chessboard, Rebecca grinned behind the Desk.

After roughly ten minutes of her screwing with us about piece placement, we had the pieces in the right places. (Those things were solid marble! What the fuck? How the hell did that old fart get these things up here in the first place?!) Once everything was set, something shifted. The desk now had a slot in it where the book of evil rested.

After wiping the few beads of sweat from my brow, I went over to where Rebecca was playing with the book. She also had Marcus' diary in her hand, reading it while mouthing the words. Odd, but she was still very cute. (I was currently imaging those lovely lips working something else. Whoops, there goes my zipper)

After she had read the book and placed it in her bag, she handed me the book of evil. Which I opened and emptied, before chucking it aside. The black wing was now safely inside my asspack, and we were heading back to the foyer to get inside a certain painting...

However, before that, as we exited Marcus' study, I turned right and went further down the hallway. Going through the door, I raised my weapon. And gunned down the first zombie, spraying blood'n'brains all over the wall. (Hey, this place needed some redecorating anyway) Turning left, I peppered the second one with buckshot to the back of the head. Once they were down, we commenced a search of the room.

'Hmm... Seems like an infirmary.' After a quick look'n'loot, we had an ample supple of medical supplies. Hell, even a surplus. (Not in my opinion. Too much is never enough) After getting everything necessary, we went back to the foyer. I had Rebecca take another look at Edward to see if he'd gotten anyworse while I set on getting the statue to work.

After getting the statues on and put together, the painting lowered, opening the way down. I said, "Hey! Make sure you idiots stay away from that opening. We don't know what's down there or if it'll come up here." They didn't need to be told twice. All four of them hauled ass away from the stairway, watching it suspiciously.

I walked down the first flight, then considered. 'Hmm... Should I take Rebecca? She might freak at the webspinners. Then again, I could use a medical pro if one of us is poisoned...' "Rebecca, Billy, on me. We're going down." As they regrouped on me, I said, "The rest of you, keep an eye on this passage. If someone or something besides us comes up, blast it." Then, we decended into darkness...

I turned on my taclight, and lead the way. "Rebecca, stick close to me. Billy, you're on rear security. Try not to stare at Rebecca's ass too much." Both he and Becky blushed, her glaring at him, and him trying to look anywhere but at Rebecca. (Or, specifically, at her bottom) Suckers.

As we got to the bottom, we heard something scuttling. "Eyes up. Heads on a swivel. We don't know what's lurking around here." I moved forward, and as I turned the corner, I saw it. A giant, freakin spider. Now, not many people know this, but Roy has a thing about them. Not exactly fear, but a wariness. He's hated them for ages, and doesn't like going anywhere near 'em. Show him a spider, he'll show you a boot and a loaded gun.

Aiming upwards, slowly, carefully, he got a bead on the fucker. Flicking his rifle onto auto, he gently squeezed the trigger. And lit that eight legged fucker up. After about 12 rounds, he stopped firing. The thing lay twitching on the floor. He put one last round in it for good measure. As he moved forward, he heard Rebecca. "Eww! I hate, hate, hate spiders... Ugh... "

"Well, then be happy. You get to shoot 'em tonight. C'mon, where there's one, there's a dozen." Behind them Billy smirked. 'Hah, what a little girl. S'long as there aren't any snakes, I'm good.' (Moron)

As we carefully crept forward, we saw more of them. Switching to my shotgun for such close quarters, I decided to have a bit of fun. "Alright, who's up for some fried tarantulas?" Both of my cohorts turned green at this. Lightweights. "None? Well, more for me, then." I took aim and blasted the next one, firing again to fully relieve it of its head. After making my way down the hall, I saw an even larger one stuck to the wall.

It twitched in annoyance at my presence. I racked my shotgun in reply. "Fuck you." I then did what I do best. Made it deader'n anyone else could. After making my way to the last door, my mouth twitched into a smirk when I saw Rebecca edging her way past the dead spider. 'Like claire and a cockroach...'

After we got through the door, we checked around the room. Rebecca looked at the list on the desk, her face turning into a mask of horror as she realised what it meant. "Yep... Human experimentation. That's what Marcus was doing." She whipped around to stare at me. My face a blank mask. "How... How could someone do this to other people?!"

"Because Marcus is a real monster. A human who doesn't give a shit about the lives of others." She flinched at the anger in my voice, mostly as she'd never heard me angry before. Well, she'd get used to it. eventually. Billy was already by the door, map in hand. "Let's go." I agreed with him wholeheartedly. (Blackhearted or not, it was whole. Mostly...)

We went through, and found ourselves in the room connecting to the torture room. 'Fuck... I hate monkeys' As we examined the room, I stood by the air vent, a thoughtful scowl on my face. Rebecca saw it, and the vent. "Want me to go through and check it out?" She asked, helpfully. I didn't want to, but regardless... "No. But you'll have to, I'm afraid. I wonder if I can reach it..."

Billy suddenly looked afraid. 'I am not letting that guy stand on my shoulders. He weighs at least thirty pounds more than I do!' I walked right up to the wall. I then removed the hookshot from my belt, and said, "Billy, hang onto this. Once I'm through, boost Rebecca up. We'll come back for you once we've cleared the room." He nodded, taking the hookshot. I slung my shotgun on my back, cracked my neck, and jumped.

I reached my left hand up as far as possible, and grabbed the ledge of the vent. Pulling myself up, I shoved my rifle into the vent before grabbing it with my right hand and pulling myself upward and inside. Once I was in, I grabbed my gun and turned on the light, then I started crawling. 'Battlefield 3 taught me something useful...' the battle crawl was nice, as it kept my gun facing the direction I was going. And my light in the direction I was facing, giving me an advantage. Once I was about five feet through, I called back, "Send Rebecca up! I'm just about through!"

I pulled myself all the way in, then when I got to the exit, (This was a pain in the ass) I pulled my upper body out, and kept myself upright with my left hand while my right had my gun. I pushed off the wall with my right hand, while keeping myself from falling with my left. Once I had my right leg out of the vent, I kicked off the wall and landed in a combat roll.

After I stood up, I turned to the vent and waited. After about two minutes, Rebecca came through. I said, "Turn onto your back and pull yourself out. I'll catch you." I set my rifle down and waited. Once she got turned, she held her MP5 out my the stock. I took it and placed it by my rifle, out of the way. Then she pulled herself out, and she pulled a Rebecca. Her hand slipped, and she fell backwards. Good for her I was standing there.

Once I had her righted, (After a quick kiss, that is) she was blushing her heart out ad I grabbed our guns. Then we faced the room. And she gasped. "Well... I guess Marcus has a thing for bondage, no?" She nodded dumbly. After a second of searching, I found the camera. I shot it before Marcus had the time to see us. After that, I said, "There's a power unit in here, too. I'll get it going. Watch for anything unusual."

I walked over to the power unit, shotgun in hand. (I had switched, since the monkey would be a pain in my ass) I switched the first two switches up, the middle one down, and the last two up. It came to life, unlocking the doors. I turned around, expecting our uninvited 'guest'

I stepped forward, right over where the floor would break. Then the little bastard came crashing down. I hopped backward, ignoring the crack as the floor started to give. I raised my shotgun as the monkey turned towards me, growling. I smirked and pulled the trigger.

As its head exploded, the floor below me gave way, and I had a hell of a time catching the bar that was sticking out of the side of the hole. I chucked my shotgun up and over the side, then pulled my ass up. After dusting myself off, I called up, "Hey Rebecca, hop down here. I'll catch you, don't worry. Just sling your gun on your back first."

Rebecca had freaked when she saw Roy plummet into a huge hole in the floor, almost as much as she had when she heard his voice call up telling her to jump down.

'He's crazy. He's fucking insane if he thinks I'm going to jump down there!' Just then, Rebecca heard an ominous sound. A sound that she'd once only refrenced to monkeys in cartoons, the happy kind. But now she was truly freaking the fuck out. She glanced behind her, and was scared for her life. Another of those silver-haired monkeys was not ten feet away from her. She jumped.

She believed she'd just plummet to her death, but was surprised to feel two strong arms catch her midfall, swinging her onto solid ground. She was amazed, thankful, scared, pissed, and had a fluttery feeling in her stomache she'd previously only thought of when she had eaten too much ice cream. As she stared up into the eyes of the man who'd saved her time and again, she realised... 'I have got to find a guy who has a nice 9 to 5 job and won't scare the living shit out of me on a daily basis...'

After making sure she wouldn't faint, Roy looked around the room. Satisfied there wasn't anything truly needed, (Besides a typewriter ribbon) he went and opened the door. After bringing his shotgun up, he looked around. Seeing nothing, he continued around the corner, and found a half dozen monkeys. After dealing with the first two in a gentle manner, (Meaning a double headshot with 12 guage buck) he had Rebecca set up shop next to him with her MP5, aiming for their legs and giving him clearance on taking their heads off.

Once they were dealt with, he moved forward, into a room with a circle of statues. 'Huh? The fuck is that for?' Rebecca was thinking, glad to have a distraction. Roy observed the statues for a moment, then pulled out a lighter and lit the candles under the statues in a strange order. (Deer, Wolf, Horse, Lion, Snake, Eagle) Then a gate behind the circle opened.

'How did he know that would open it...?' She looked questioningly at the man of her dreams/nightmares. "Don't ask. I had a guy feeling and followed it. Besides..." Roy pulled out his radio. "Billy, I want you to head back to the foyer and wait for us there, over." "Copy that, over."

Billy was somewhat perplexed. He heard gunshots and strange noises from the vent, but decided to just go with it. He'd feel safer with the group, anyway. Even if one of them was an asshole to him.

Moving past where the gate had been, Roy went into the door on his right. He went straight forward and picked up a stone object Rebecca didn't get a good look at. He told her to grab any other useful items before he went out the door. Puzzled by this, Rebecca simply shrugged and had another quick look around before going out the door and hurrying after him.

Turning to his right, Roy went through the next door just as Rebecca burned rubber trying to catch up to him. Smirking up a storm, he held the door open for her with his foot while he put two more zombies down for good while also painting the sheets of the nearest bed bright red.

Once the room was clear, he went through it and looked around once. Then he picked up the diary of one of the trainees and handed it to Rebecca. After that, he went down the left hallway from the circle of statues, taking the first door he came to.

Descending the stairs, he aimed at the Webspinner that was calmly pissing him off by sitting on the wall. After blasting its head off, he continued down the hallway, creepy as it was. After shooting the other webspinner he'd nearly missed, (As it was calmly pissing him off from the ceiling) he lead Rebecca through the door on the right near the end of the hallway/cavern.

Upon entering, he turned sharply to his right and fired on the two oversized bugs before they could annoy him further. Once they were dead, he walked over and picked up the locker key and another first aid spray. Handing the spray to Rebecca, he head herback out the door they'd came in from. Heading straight through, he went up the stairs into the armory.

Rebecca followed closely, nearly tripping on his heels, and walked flat-out into his back when he stopped. "Rebecca, grab anything that looks halfway decent and throw it in that," He motioned towards a burlap bag that was lying next to one of the workbenches. Roy walked over to the locker and unlocked it, pulling out an attache case.

Connecting the case to his belt with a d clip, he waited for Rebecca to finish loading guns and ammo into the bag. Once she had, he motioned her to the control panel. "I want you to operate this. I'll go below and grab what we need down there." She was perplexed, but complied. She'd learned to go with his insane-sounding plans by now, since they always seemed to get results.

Once roy was down in the maze, he looked up at her and gave a thumbs-up. Rebecca returned the gesture before looking at the controls and taking a breath. "Well... Here goes nothing." She pressed the first button.


	27. Chapter 26 Don't get religious on me

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

#26 Yessah! I am back! Sorry this took so long, (In Blade-time, three days is too long for one damned chapter) but I've been writing these in the dead of night, whilest listening to Five Finger Death Punch. And Anna Tsuchiya. (She wrote the ending theme song for Resident Evil Degeneration, named Guilty) Anyways, back to the Fic! We shall soon be kicking the leech queen and Marcus' collective daddy bags with a 12 guage and leaving that hell... in exchange for the original hell of Resident... Eeevillll. (My crappy impersonation of the guy who says that at the start screen of every RE game)

_**The door to safety has clicked shut... And the gates of hell are starting to open. May God have mercy upon your ignorance... Hahahahahahahahaaa... And may Satan grant you the Devil's own luck.**_

As I stepped into the admittedly shitty maxe, I looked up to Rebecca and gave her a thumbs-up, which she returned. I readied my shotgun, and as the first gate dropped, put one foot in front of the other, come what may.

As I walked on, expecting at least two hunters and possibly a third, I walked up to the next gate. Once it went down, I snatched up the grenades conveniently lying on the floor and clipped them to my belt. Once the next set of gates lowered, I walked up to the button. I looked up to Rebecca and gave the "Spin 'em up" hand signal. Then I slammed my fist into the button...

I heard a mechanical voice from the speakers, something about lockdown. I heard several gates moving into position, and I aimed my 500 towards the small gate where the first reptillian bastard was coming from...

He dropped down, screeching all the while. My first shot hit it in the chest, knocking it over. While it struggled on the ground, I racked my gun and adjusted my aim. After settling it, I fired, taking a good quarter of its head off. I took a step forward...

And jumped backward, narrowly dodging the second one's claw. It started growling, and lunged before my feet had hit the floor. Taking my finger off the trigger, I switched my grip and used my shotgun to parry the creature's claws. Taking advantage of my own nearly superhuman abilities, I stepped forward as it was thrown off-balance.

Letting go of the gun with my right hand, I brought my elbow into the thing's stomache, both winding it, and knocking the hunter off its feet. Taking advantage of it's momentary lack of movement, I brought my shotgun back around and blasted one of its legs off. After that, it was thrashing around trying to stand up, and finding that it couldn't.

Taking my time, I racked and reloaded my gun. After checking the chamber, (And the slight scratch in the gun's finish. I'd used the reciever to knock its claws off course) I aimed at the reptile's head. It opened its mouth once more, to voice its pain. The muzzle blast silenced it. Permanently.

Stepping over its still corpse, I knelt by the cage and picked up the key. After making my way back up the stairs, I was blindsided my a crying Rebecca. "Roy! Oh thank god you're alright! When I saw that thing jump you, I was sure you'd be..." After making sure nothing pointy or dangerous on my person would hurt her or myself, (And rubbing the back of my head where I'd hit it on the doorjam when she'd tackled me) I grabbed her shoulders and held her a little away from me.

Seeing the distraught look on her face and in those beautiful brown eyes, I bent down, and kissed her full-out. Which lasted about eleven seconds, before I broke away and smiled at the blushing medic. "I'm just fine, Becky. Surely you don't think some overgrown lizard would do me in, right?"

"But that thing had claws the size of..." I placed a finger on her delicate lips. "Hey... I promise. So long as you want me by your side, I won't ever leave you. Death himself will never come between us. Alright?" I placated the brunette, expecting her next question.

"...You promise?" She sniffed. I smiled as warmly as possible. "For the sins of the father, on the blood of the son... For the blood on my hands. I swear this to you." This calmed her a little, and she wiped the tears (And a small amount of snot) from her face. "Okay.. But I'm holding you to that."

I grinned. "I wouldn't doubt it. Even the Reaper would think twice to cross you." (I don't know about that, mon) "Now c'mon, let's find out what this key unlocks." I took her hand, and lead the way back to the foyer.

Upon entering the main entrance, we were greeted with an expected sight. Billy standing with an indignant look, while Edward had him at gunpoint. My eye twitched. I released Rebecca's hand, (Where she seemed to pout just a little) and walked up to Edward. Then I punched him in the face. (Wish I'd done this earlier. Much earlier) While this was happening, Rebecca set the bag full of partially disassembled firearms on the stairs. The stooges glanced at it, then went back to their card game.

It was a damn good right hook. I practically felt my knuckles crack on impact. Felt great. For me, anyway. Edward landed on the floor, and I thanked my lucky stars he had the safety on. "What the fu-"

"WHAT IN THE FLIPPITY FLYIN' FUCK ARE YOU DOIN?" Everyone was taken aback at this. (Hell, I could feel that a certain skeleton with a Jamaican accent flinched) "Are you outta your goddamned mind?!" Military ass-chewing tip 101; Don't let them get a word in edgewise. "We got zombie, we got dogs, we got leeches, we got spiders, we got overgrown fucking LIZARDS trying to kill us, and you're threatening a guy who's done nothing but help us the whole damn time?!"

Edward stuttered, as he tried to give a retort. "But he's-" "I don't gi ve a damn! He's human, he's alive, and he's trying to help us get out of this nightmare factory!" By now, he was backing up slightly. "He's a criminal! He killed-"

"I don't give a rat's furry ass if he raped the pope and shit on his corpse! You are out of fucking line! He is helping us! Get that through your damn skull already!" Edward was in full retreat. Another minute and he'll hit the wall.

"What were you thinking?! No, you probably weren't! He can handle a gun, he can handle himself, and you're trying to limit the number of able-bodies we have!" He was about a foot from the wall, but he held his ground. "He's a convicted felon! He's just waiting for a chance to betray us!"

Time to take it up a notch. "He has helped a helluva lot more'n you tonight! If anyone's a traitor, it's probably you! You've had all this time to go set us up! I don't know what your fucking problem is, but you better straighten out your fucking priorities or I'll leave your ass here!" I punctuated each word by poking him in the chest. Rather forcefully.

He finally hit the wall. Time for the finale. "If there's a serious issue, we deal with it once we're not in a goddamn killzone! Now are you a cop, or a fucking moron with a deathwish?!" By now, Edward knew it was a lost cause. So he pouted and scowled. "Good. Now don't do anything stupid. We'll deal with whether or not Billy's morally fucked once we're all safe. Now siddown and do something productive while I go and save all our asses." He slumped his shoulders, but retained military discipline. Despite the scowl.

"Rebecca, Billy, on me. And Billy, grab your shit. We're gonna need firepower." While Billy set about getting his equipment, Edward glared at both of us. 'Well, let him stare. Fuck that moron' The two stooges, Tom and Randy, had continued playing cards the whole time, ignoing the spectacle. Guess they were military guys after all.

Regardsless, after Billy was set, I lead the three of us back to the grenade launcher room. I was perplexed that we weren't running into any more zombies. 'Well, now that I've thought about it we will run into more of them. I hate Murphy's law.' After going in and looking it over, we walked over to the blue door. I turned to Billy. "Oy, load up with incindiaries."

He complied, knowing better than to question my seemingly absurd requests. Once he was locked and loaded, I unlocked the door, then chucked the key. Opening it, I walked over to the corner, and signalled for Billy to get closer. I whispered, "Billy, get ready. Once It scatters, blast 'em." I stepped fully around the corner, firing with my 12 guage.

The leech zombie took two shots before completely coming apart. I took two quick steps back as Billy rounded the corner, bringing the launcher to bear. After he fired, we were blasted with an intense wave of heat, as the napalm grenade did its job. The leeches wailed, and crisped a nice purple-brown color. Waving the horrible stench from my nose, I gloated.

"Well, who wants some fried worms?" Both brunettes cringed, and turned a nice shade of pear green. I grinned, mission accomplished. Once the leeches were cooking nicely, I turned back to the other door. I said, "Billy, ready?" He nodded. I said, "One, two, three!" Then I threw the door open, as Billy aimed inside.

Not a second after opening, Billy fired, hitting the leech zombie dead center of its chest. As the napalm exploded over it, the thing started trying to approach us. It got two feet, then collapsed, twitching. I stepped inside, and went left. After snagging the vise handle, I made my way out the door, shutting it.

"Well, who don't like the smell of crispy leeches?" The both raised their hands. No sense of humor... Anyways, we waited another five minutes for the flames to die out before we walked over to the next door on out right. Opening it, I looked around. Seeing no threats, I motioned the other two inside. Once in and shutting the door, I walked over to the piano.

I looked left. I looked back at the piano. I looked at my compatriots... "Either of you know how to play the piano?" They both looked at me as if I was mad. (Mad... Mad, I tell you, maaaaaad!) Rebecca said, "Well... I could try!" Remembering something disturbing from something I'd read once, I said, "Uh-huh... Billy. You've had piano lessons, right?"

The big guy blushed. Funny. Then he nodded. He walked over to the piano. "There something specific you want me to play?" I simply pointed to the sheet already there. He sat down, cracked his neck, and started to play. 'The hell is he thinking? Piano? And why's he staring at the wall over there...?'

Billy's mental question was answered when he finished playing. A small section of the wall slid back, revealing a hidden room. I walked over, picking up the magnum rounds and a few bottles along the way. 'Bacardi? Hell yea! I'm gonna have some fun once we reach the other mansion!'

When I got the the back, I pulled the battery out of the wall. As the wall started to slide shut, I made a mad dash back. I had to step sideways to do it, but I made it out of the winecellar. Both my friends (I considered them friends... Since they weren't trying to kill me, anyway) gaped at me. "How did you-? No, you vanished! I saw it!" Rebecca was flabbergasted.

And stunned, puzzled, perplexed, and wondering if I was superhuman. She was also wondering if I could move fast enough for my clothes to tear off. She blushed at the thoughts that followed, in a perverted train of thought. While they were picking their jaws up off the floor, I was already at the door.

"We gotta get a move on. Let's go!" They hurried after me, still wondering how I got form point A to point C without ever passing point B. I walked out the door and turned right, heading further down the hallway. After going through the next door, I opened the one of the left side first, poked my head in, then stepped inside, shotgun raised.

After taking down the two Z-boys and reloading, I went to the right side corner and pulled out the vise handle. I loosened the damn thing, then removed the obedience tablet, placing it in my bag. After turning back and going back out into the hallway, I went inside the room across from me. After the others caught up, I went through the room collecting useful items. After that was done, I went through the large metal door that was in there.

Going through, I sidestepped the expected swipe from the leech zombie. I stpped close to the thing, slamming my shotgun barrel into its stomache. "Fly, fucker!" I shouted, just as I jerked the trigger. And fly it did, as the thing flew apart and backwards. "Forget him, let's go!" I called back, as I ran past the thing and back to the blue door.

After a tense moment, they were right on my heels as I opened the door. Filing through, I slammed it shut behind us. I said, "Okay, back to the beginning." And lead the way back to the foyer. Once we were there, I saw all three of them playing with the guns Rebecca had collected. I was damn proud that they were doing something good for a change.

The three gave me cursory glances as I walked up to the main door, and opened it. They all glared at me for a moment, then I held it open for them to see the destroyed bridge. Amongst curses, they all knew why I'd never mentioned the door in the first place. I had my constant companions follow me out, then I shut the door.

Before either of them could say anything, I held up my hand. "We'll talk later. Right now, we focus on getting out." They nodded, conviction in their eyes. Again, I was DAMN proud. I walked over the the pillar with the tablet on it. "Billy, A frame." He tilted his head and said, "Wah? What's that?" Then he saw me standing with my hands cupped at crotch level.

"Rebecca, you did cheerleading?" She nodded, understanding. She motioned Billy over, and after a moment, he understood. Getting into position, we lifted Rebecca up. She was unsteady for a tense second, then reached up and grabbed the tablet. "The hell's this thing for?"

We got her down without incident. I took the tablet from her and placed it in my bag, then moved back to the door. Throwing it open, I said, "Alright! Pack your shit and get ready to move. We're outta here." They all gave me wierd looks. Then started getting things together and in the bag that Rebecca brought or on their person.

Five minutes later, everyone was standing up and ready to go. I nodded, then lead them up the stairs and through the door to the pit room. We all heard the sounds of insects. I said, "Ignore 'em. Run past and get through the double doors. Double-time it, people!" I jogged ahead of the group, up the stairs and left.

I took aim at the nearest giant bug. Its head exploded over the floor, peppered with buckshot. The sounds of several shotgun blasts were heard, followed by that of brass hitting the tile floor. The others hurried, and ran past Roy as he kept the bugs at bay. Once Edward, Tom, Billy and Rebecca were though, Roy ran up and shoved Randy the last three feet through the doorway before stepping in himself, slamming them shut.

After a moment, everyone caught their breath. I walked over to the ladder, and hopped down. I motioned for the rest to stay up top. I went over to the machine, pulling out the tablets as I did so. I placed unity, obedience, and lastly discipline in the slots. A moment later, something clicked, and the whole tower started going down.

After a few minutes, everything was stable. I went over to the ladder, but in stead of climbing, I jumped. Catching the ledge with my left hand, I pulled myself up until I got my foot over, then stood. After returning everyone's stare, I went to the door and opened it. "Let's go." They followed.

We went across the stone pathway, and I directed Rebecca and the other three to stay at the door, while I had Billy go into the small adjoining area. I went over there myself, and had him stand on the correct plate in the corner, and told him to stay put.

Switching to my rifle, I walked over to the double doors. Smiling at the others, I raised my leg and kicked it in. Stepping inside, I looked around. Satisfied, I walked over to the right-hand save room. After typing "You gone batshit crazy!" and picking up a handfull of shotgun shells, I walked out of the room. And flicked the fire selector onto automatic.

A moment later, the batwing crashed through the ceiling. Before the others had time to get inside, I was already running and gunning. Taking aim through my aimpoint, I fired upon the flying bastard. Aiming for its wing, I decided to bring it to the ground. It took roughly half a clip before it started dodging left and right, zigzagging around the room.

After making a few swoops, it got lucky. As I was reloading and rolling, the damn thing's claw got ahold of my arm. 'Shit!' It took off, flying as high as possible. Which was but ten feet in the air. (I weighed 190 pounds. Plus gear and equipment) I dropped my rifle, letting it sag on the sling it was attatched to. Reaching for my handgun, I figured I would turn this fucker into swiss cheese.

Raising my SE2, I fired the whole clip into the thing's wing. It started losing altitude, fast. As it struggled to remain aloft, I dropped the mag, pulled a fresh one with the same hand. Placing the magazine between my teeth, I inserted the clip and slammed it home on my chest. Flicking the slide relase, I jammed the gun against the creature's leg. And blasted it right off with fifteen rounds of jacketed hollowpoints.

Freefalling, I made a speed reload. (Which is around .87 of a second. The reload above was in about 1.91 seconds) Once my gun was cleared hot, I took aim and fired. Hitting the stupid fucker right in the cotch. Which must've hurt, as it stopped flapping and started falling. Right fucking towards me!

'Shit, not again!' As I landed hard on my back, I rolled with it to reduce damage and get out of the things way. As I was rolling log-style, I noticed that the others were inside gawking of all things. 'Idiots...'

A moment later, I was on my feet. I reloaded my SE2, then holstered it. I pulled up my rifle, checked it for damage, checked chamber, then shouldered it. Hitting the forward assist, I took aim. Seeing the beast thrashing around on the floor was funny, seeing as it had royally pissed me off. 'I hate flying...' I thought, feeling a little green.

Shaking such thought from my head, I focussed. And fired. The thing jerked with each round of 5.56 that hit, and it took a lot of hits. After ejecting two mags and halfway through my third, the thing stopped moving. Reloading once more, I switched to my shotgun. Stepping up to the bat, I gave it a kick. No response. So I aimed at its face and put the final nail in the coffin.

After reloading and checking my gear, I looked at my team. They were still gawking. Fucking idiots. "Thanks for the help..." They all made coughing or stuttering noises, and excuses. "You didn't look like you needed help..." "I didn't wanna cramp your style.."  
"You looked like you were doing fine..." "You didn't need little old me..."

After a solid minute of this, I just said, "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Outta the way." I walked over to where they were standing, directly under the hole in the roof. Removing my shotgun, I placed it on the floor, then pulled the hookshot and aimed at the hole in the ceiling.

After stepping onto the roof, I went over and slid down the ladder. After hitting the breaker, I unlocked the gate and went back to the others. After slinging my shotgun on my back, I directed the three stooges to remain here for the time being. Bringing Rebecca and Billy along, I lead them to the elevator.

After the doors closed, I said, "Well... Now all we're missing is the creepy elevator music. Anyone feel like making out?" To this, they both blushed, but Billy did a better job at hiding it. "You sure? Last chance. I know you want me, Billy." With a grin, I started laughing at his expression, somewhere between disgust and amusement. Rebecca looked jealous, so I gave her a peck on the lips and waited while her face lit up like a christmas tree.

After the doors opened, walked in and looked around. "Another library? Damn, how many does he need?" After a quick look about, I handed the second part of Marcus' diary to Rebecca. After a few moments, I said, "Well, who volunteers to go in the scary looking hole?" Neither of them said anything.

"Figures..." I rode up the hookshot, and pulled myself up into the next floor.

'Lovely... Well, let's hope those other morons don't get into trouble.'


	28. Chapter 27 Hanging by a thread

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

#27 We're almost through, guys. And miraculously, no one has died yet... "Oh, come on! What the fuck did you go and say that for?! Now someone's gonna die within the next ten minutes!" ...Oh, eat me. *Jill appears, holding a pair of garden shears* "Sure... Right after I cut 'em off!" For the next thirty minutes, you could see a hungry-looking Jill Valentine chasing the author around the mansion. The chase theme from Scooby-Doo can be heard in the background...

"Right... hope the floor doesn't give out on me." I reached into my pack, and fumbled around for a moment, until removing the last molotov I had on me. (Besides the two bottles of Bacardi... but I'd save those for an emergency) I picked up the file and stashed it, then lit the cloth. I stepped around the corner of the shelves, and chucked the molotov at the leech zombie.

It started burning quickly, and before it could start moving I shot it with my 12 guage, crippling it. Racking the pump, I aimed again and fired, making sure it would stay down. I waited another minute for it to fully brown, then stepped over the cinders and removed the leech capsule. Weighing it, I figured I'd save some time. I walked over the leech corpse, then moved a few feet away from it.

Setting the capsule on the floor, I pulled my knife. Holding the thing still, I raised my knife, then brought the pommel down on the end of the capsule, hard. Once not only cracked it, but made a sizable hole. I brought my knife down twice more, to fully open the damned thing. Once that was doen, I pulled the leech charm out and placed it in my asspack. Sheathing my knife, I considered how I'd handle the next part of this.

Standing, I walked over and went through the door. I turned and took a breath. Then I punched the button, and dived over the handrail before the wall could cut me off. Landing hard on my shoulder, I rolled with the impact, landing in a crouch. Standing, I turned and raised my shotgun.

The leech zombie came around the corner, extending its arms. I fired, taking its arm off. Racking, I adjusted my aim, and blasted it in the stomache, ripping it in half. Deciding to be a dick, I reached back into my pack, and pulled out a frag. Tearing out the pin, I rolled it over to the thrashing zombie, then turned and hauled ass the opposite direction.

Sliding on the floor to a stop, I covered my ears and loosened my jaw. Within moments, the grenade exploded, finishing off the leeches. I stood up, dusting off my pants. I walked over to where the zombie had been. After giving the remains a kick, I walked over to the blue door to Marcus' study and placed the charm in the door.

Going through, I gave the room a quick survey. After grabbing the picture and the regulator coil, I went through the wooden door. Pulling my shotgun up, I aimed down, and shot the sitting zombie who was playing possum. Racking it, I turned to the next one. 'Fuck it...' I stepped up to the next Z-boy, and swung the grip of my gun into the side of its head.

With a satisfying wet Crack! sound, the zombie fell. I raised my boot, and curb stomped the fucker's head. I then approached the statue and picked up the green charm. Turning around, I went back out and started back for the library.

Upon entering, I was greeted with the relieved faces of Billy and Rebecca. "Roy! We heard an explosion. Was that you?" I grinned, heading over to where the hole in the ceiling was. "Who else here is gonna go around blowing up the undead?" That got a smile on her worried face.

Pulling up the hookshot once again, I aimed up, and fired. After making sure it had a sure grip, I activated the winch. It struggled and huffed, but it pulled me upward at a steady pace. 'Gonna have to get an upgraded one'a these for myself...'

Once I was up top, I walked over to the door, reloading my shotgun before switching to my rifle. Going out, I turned left. Heading to the end of the hall, I went through the metal door. As I stepped through, I heard the sounds of moaning. And not the good kind. Ignorign this room for now, I stepped through the double doors right in front of me.

Raising my rifle, I shot the first Z-boy right in the eye, dropping him. His buddy caught a double tap with his forehead. Stepping over the now-permanently dead bodies, I snatched up the first aid sprays, as well as the investigation report before approaching the green door.

Pulling the green leech charm, I weighed it with my hand for a moment. Then I placed it in the mechanism, which clicked ominously. 'Great...' I thought to myself, as I gripped the cold metal door handle. 'Here goes nuffin' I opened the door, stepping through.

My nose was assaulted with the wall of the stench of death and decay. I gagged slightly, then decided to breathe through my mouth for now. As I stepped further in, I grabbed the box of 9mm and pocketed it, before stomping the head of the nearest zombie. Moving further in, I heard something being dragged on the ground.

Half a zombie was on the floor, dragging itself over to me. (The top half, you perverts) 'What, is this pint-sized asshat supposed to be scary? Really, Capcom?' I nonchalantly kicked the half-zombie in the face, then stomped him. I almost made myself look stupid, since I nearly slipped on his brains, but I caught myself.

After I grabbed the steralizing agent, I went back to the double doors, and gratefully exited the morgue. Turning right, I set the container on the floor, and pulled my handgun. 'Fuck it. Time to look badass' I dashed forward, pulling my knife with my left hand. I moved fast, and aimed at the zombie sitting down on my right, putting a hollowpoint in the center of his firehead.

Stopping suddenly, I let myself fall, turning to my left as I slammed my knife into the head of the zombie lying there. Pulling my knife out, I jammed my pistol to the side of his head and fired twice, spraying blood'n'brains all over the floor. (And my vest)

Getting back up, I reloaded my gun and went to the door, picking up the container. Holstering my gun, I walked over to the chemical dispensing machine. After a minute or two, it beeped, as the cloud of vapor inside the gas chamber dispersed. I pulled open the door, and shot the zombie playing possum in the back of his skull. Then I grabbed the key to the breeding room.

Turning back, I went out the single door, then walked straight to the breeding room. Unlocking it, I grabbed the handle and took a breath. Then I shoved it open, quickly stepping inside.

Slamming the door shut, I pulled my rifle to my shoulder, flicking it onto full-auto. Scanning the room, I stepped forward, and rounded the cages. The two hunters both growled, but before they struck, they seemed to start bickering, and fought amongst themselves. 'Fuck it'

I let out a short burst, which caught the right side one in the chest, it whimpered for a moment, then snarled. It bent its legs to lunge, but my next grouping caught its face, and it crumpled to the floor, dead. While this was happening, the other one stared at me, the source of the extremely loud noise. After a moment, it realised its partner was dead.

It made a strange, gurgling noise. Then it lept. Figuring I'd rather not become a shishkabob, I raised my leg and kicked, catching the creature's midrift. (My leg was longer than its arms/claws. So it missed and got sent flying) As it flew back roughly six feet, I aimed and fired, emptying the magazine. After making sure the thing was dead, I went past it and picked up the dial that was in the left side cage.

Reloading, I checked my ammo count. 'Hmm... 13 mags for the rifle, roughly 110 shotgun shells, and somewhere around 15 magazines for the handgun. Good thing I overpacked. Also those grenades... Four frags and six flashbangs left. Good' I made my way back to the library, and found Rebecca and Billy milling around. Time to amp things up.

"Oy, c'mon. I think we're almost outta here." They perked up, practically hopping over to me. Idiots, things are never that simple. I lead them to the combination door, and placed the dial in it. (Coulda blasted it or even kicked it in, but I didn't need them knowing how strong I was just yet. I'd leave that for Sergei-Fear-Me-I'm-Russian-Vladamir, and his pimp squad. Er, the tyrants) "Hmm... " I placed my ear to the door, and let the charade begin.

I twisted the dial, slowly and listening. "Four... Eight...Six... Three." I put in the combination, then turned the handle. I nodded to the others before opening the door. As we stepped inside, I saw the two of them beam at the cable car. 'Hah, only leads up deeper into hell, my friends...' I thought. But I let them dream.

While they looked over the cable car, I walked over to the lever that controlled the ladder. I pulled it, then went over to where the electical amp was and added it to my pack. Once the ladder was in place, I walked over and climbed up, then went to the door insde the control booth.

Raising my foot, I gave an almighty kick, and the door buckled inward, coming off its hinges. Inwardly pleased, I walked inside. Seeing the problem, I pulled the coil and amp from my pack, and placed them in their assigned slots in the machine. After that, the lights kicked on.

Seeing the thing light up, Billy and Rebecca both started cheering, thinking that they were out of this nightmare. 'If only I could be so naive... Ah, well.' I slid down the ladder, and made my way to them. After a solid minute of dancing around, I decided to focus them.

I gibsmacked both of them, which got their attention. And their glares. "Good. Now we're gonna get the others here. Billy, wait here and make sure nothing stupid happens to our ride. Rebecca, on me." Billy nodded at this, and Rebecca hurried over to me.

Leading the way, I got her back to the elevator and took it up. On the way, she hummed to herself, in a much better mood than before. It did my heart good to see her so upbeat, but... Oh, well.

Once the elevator went ding, the doors opened. I walked over to the church doors, and kicked them in. All three guys inside jumped, expecting some monster. They all scowled when they saw what was bothering them.

"Good news, we found a way out. Get up, we're going." They beamed, jumping up and hauling ass to catch up to me. After two elevator trips, we were all inside, and I lead the group of fools back to the cable car.

After we got there, I said, "Alright. Myself, Rebecca and Billy will go across first, and secure an area. If it's safe, we'll send the thing back and i'll radio you. If it isn't, well... I'll give you a heads-up and a warning."

After a bit of bickering, I settled it once and for all. "If this thing is faulty, then only three of us are at risk. And if there's something real nasty at the end, only three of us are in danger. That way we don't risk everyone dying at once. Clear?" After another minute, the three stooges agreed. Edward moved up to the booth, and gave me a thumbs-up.

The three of us moved towards the cable car, when my gamer-sense started tingling... I jerked my head upward, and shoved Billy and Rebecca backwards, as I thrust my left arm up. The eliminator was caught by surprise (And the neck) as I grabbed it mid-lunge, and even more so when I reared him back and threw him over the rail.

I then turned back, expecting this. A leech zombie formed itself together, and lunged at me, moving past both the brunettes, with the two soldiers unable to fire with us in their way. I waited half a second, then sidestapped the leeches, then turned and booted their collective asses forward, pitching them over the rail right after the monkey. After making sure they hadn't gotten a handhold, I looked back at the others.

They were gawking, as usual. Well, fuck 'em. "Right, let's get going." They didn't argue. As we piled into the cable car, I picked up the magnum. 'Desert eagle? Huh...' I stashed it in my asspack. (Big handguns are overrated. Shotguns are far more powerful, and easier to use) I grabbed the controls, but before I activated them, I grabbed the corpse and snapped its neck, then searched it for ammo.

I was glad, as I found two spare magazines for the magnum. After that, I picked up the body and chucked it out the doors, then shut them. Moving back to the controls, I started the cable car. Sitting down, I handed the box of 9mm I'd picked up to Rebecca. She took and emptied it, then started loading up two of her spent MP5 magazines. Billy sat down and reached for his pocket, then cursed to himself.

I reached into one of my pouches, pulling out a pack of cigarettes. I tossed them to Billy, which he took with a, "Thanks. Need one after the shit we've ben through tonight." He lit up, and sat back with a vacant expression.

After roughly half an hour, the car came to a stop.

As I stepped out, I looked around. I didn't see anything out of place. Good. After a moment, I looked at Billy. "We're good. Take the car back and pick up the others. i'll radio 'em now." Billy got back onto the car, wondering why I'd chosen him.

I pulled up my radio. "Edward, this is Roy. I'm sending Billy back with the cable car. Myself and Rebecca are going to continue on. Let me know when you are the others are all across. Over."

Edward responded, "Understood. Over."

I turned back to Rebecca. "Alright, let's go." She nodded. I was hoping that we'd be rid of Enrico by the time Billy arrived with the others. I lead her up the stairs and across the room to the door to the save room. Once inside, I saw something odd. The key was already in the mechanism to raise the turntable.

'Well, I won't look a gifthorse in the mouth... That's two hunters I can duck. Fuck 'em.' I turned the key, and we heard the sound of the large lift coming up. After a few minutes, in which Rebecca spent mixing together the two herbs that were lying around, as well as grabbing the box of ammo, we went out and started up the huge lift.

A good five minutes later, we were at the lower floor. I wasn't sure if it was bottom or not, but I didn't dwell on it. We'd been walking towards the elevator doors, when we heard the thing beep, and the doors started opening.

'Shit!' Rebecca sidestepped, standing in the blindspot of anyone inside. I pulled up my rifle, taking aim. When the doors opened far enough to see who was inside, Enrico lowered his gun, blinking in surprise. "Roy?" He stepped out of the elevator, then beamed when he saw Rebecca.

"Rebecca! Are you alright?" Rebecca had put her gun back on safe, and nodded. "Yeah. Roy made sure I didn't get hurt. You okay, captain?"

He nodded, his solemn expression returning. "Yes, I'm fine. Have either of you seen any of the others? They should have arrived before me." Rebecca shook her head. "Just Edward. He's with the others." Just now, Rebecca's intellect helped us. She immediately shut up.

Enrico raised an eyebrow. "Others?" I cut in for damage control. "Yeah. We came across three other survivors. Edward's got them right now. They should be coming across the cable car in another hour or so." "Cable car?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Leads to an Umbrella training facility run by a madman. It's a deathtrap. What'd you have in mind?" I asked, already knowing. He wanted to go to a different deathtrap. Idiot.

"There's a mansion used by Umbrella for researching. We'll go there and hole up until reinforcements arrive." I nodded. "Gotcha. Let's keep moving and secure a route for the others. It'd take too long waiting for them to catch up."

Enrico considered this for a moment. Then he nodded. "Right. Any wounded?" "Just Edward himself. He had a few scratches from some dogs, but he seemed fine when we left." Enrico seemed a little annoyed for a second. "Why isn't the medic staying with him?" I was hoping he wouldn't notice, but fuck, he did. Time to lie like a rug.

"Because she's already applied first aid. Right now, she's here with me for recon and assessment. The others were uninjured, and in a defensible area. I promised Edward I'd keep her safe, regardless." I shrugged. Enrico shook his head, but didn't say anything more.

"We'll secure the rest of this area. Switch to channel 57 and radio us if you find anything or need help. Let's move out, before something comes looking for us." Enrico looked a little doubtful, but he said nothing. "Fine. I'll send word if I find a route to the mansion." He turned and started to leave, but I figured I might as well warn him.

"Oh hey, Enrico. If alpha gets called out for us, watch out for Wesker. There were documents stating that he's on Umbrella's payroll. Something don't sit right about it, either." Enrico looked pussled, but nodded. Then he went off on his way.

After a minute, I looked around and picked up the elevator key. Making my way over, Rebecca gave me a questioning look. "Why did you lie about the others? And what was that about Wesker?" I looked at her. I smiled. "Forgive me, Rebecca. I'll explain later. But I just need to make sure Enrico doesn't start a scene with Billy. We've got enough to worry about now. I'll deal with him later if need be. And Wesker was trained at that facility. Alongside one of Umbrella's head researchers, William Birkin. I don't know what's going on, but I intend to find out." Rebecca nodded, then set her eyes straight.

When we reached the other elevator, I put my weapon on full-auto. I unlocked the elevator, and then heard a familiar sound. That of the rock rolling to a stop. I looked right...

And there stood the Tyrant. Rebecca was staring at it in shock. I said quietly, "Rebecca... Ready your weapon." I heard her swallow, then the click that signified her turning off the safety. The creature growled, then lunged.

As time seemed to slow, just like always, I grabbed Rebecca, and pulled her out of the way. As the thing's claw hit the wall, I set Rebecca on her feet, and pulled my gun to my shoulder. I exhaled, and squeezed the trigger, dumping rounds into the creature's skull. I emptied the magazine, already reaching for my next. As I grabbed the mag and slammed it into place, I slapped the bolt release, sending the round home.

That happened in under three seconds, and my adrenaline surge started to ebb. Time started moving at roughly .75 of normal, signifying a constant adrenaline rush, but nothing compared to what you get under stress of death. As I pulled the trigger once more, Rebecca started getting into the flow of things. She shouldered her gun and fired, most of the rounds connecting with the thing's back.

The tyrant twitched, annoyed at the hundred or so bullets hitting it. As it turned, I adjusted my aim. The last half of my third magazine connected with the tyrant's heart, and the monster wailed. Raising its claw, it started to advance. I pushed Rebecca to the right, having her move away from the thing as I reloaded again and fired at its face.

As a few rounds entered its eyes, it panicked, freaking out at the immense pain. As it waved its claw to and fro, I put the last two thirds of 5.56 into its heart, making it stumble, and crash to its knee.

Taking advantage of its pain, I tossed my rifle aside, pulling my shotgun up. I dashed forward, my adrenaline high returning. Only Rebecca saw my grin of insane joy as I jumped, kicking the thing in the face, knocking it over as I jammed my shotgun to its heart.

I stomped my left foot on its clawed forearm, keeping it from slashing at me. I pulled the trigger, sending 12 guage buckshot into its heart at point-blank range. I racked and fired, again and again. After eating four shots, I pulled my gun from the mush that was its heart and stabbed the gun against the forearm of its clawed arm, and fired.

After my remaining four shots, its arm was completely ripped off. I jumped backward, and started loading shells. I'd gotten five in when the thing twitched, and started to sit up. I got all eight inside the gun when it was trying to stand. I ran forward again, not worried since it had no claw.

"You want some more, fucker?!" I sweep-kicked the side of its knee, and was glad when I heard something pop. (On a normal person, their leg would've been shattered. This thing just got a dislocation) "Suck this, freak!" It fell again, and before it had time to react, I shoved my gun barrel in its mouth.

"Tell the reaper he owes me a drink, bitch!" Then I fired, putting three shells into its head and neck. With my fourth, its head was gone. I racked my gun, and jammed it against the heart once more, and fired another two shells to make sure it stayed dead. The only remaining sounds were those of my panting, and brassing clinking against the concrete floor.

After kicking its crotch to make sure it wouldn't get up again, I reloaded, and picked my rifle back up. After loading that and checking my gear, I looked back at Rebecca. She was gaping. Her jaw could almost touch the floor. Her tongue could be used as a red carpet.

I gave her a grin. (The effect was ruined since I was covered head-to-toe in blood. Eh, can't win for losing) Then said, "What? I wasn't gonna let him try to feel you up with that thing," I said, indicating the disarmed claw. (Har har, Tom swifty pun) Oddly enough, this got a giggle. It was a start. "C'mon, let's go before the dead thing's ugly brother comes looking for us."

Now that got a laugh, as the tyrant was ugly as fuck. Well, covered in blood or not, I'm still funny. Rebecca finished reloading, then followed. Keeping her distance from the tyrant the whole while.

After we got on the elevator, I pressed the button and leaned against the wall. Then I sneezed, covering her pants in the tyrant's blood. "Eew! Gross! Roy!" She was freaking a bit, but I was smirking up a storm. "What, I'm sneezing out someone else's blood, and you're the one complaining? Come on, gimme a break!" I started laughing, mostly at her expression. Then she started too, since my laugh is apparently contagious. I just hope sneezing tyrant blood isn't... Oh well. Good times...

_**And so, this.. man, this... Badass, killed a tyrant permanently. And managed to work in a few witty one-liners? What, is he the next Leon S. Kennedy or something? Least he doesn't have some sort of puppy-dog obsession for a spy that uses him whenever she pleases... Fucking boy scout.**_


	29. Chapter 28 Clearing things up

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

#28 Wahoo! Whipped the T-boy's ass! Permanently! And managed to look like an inhuman (Monster) badass in front of Rebecca! Real fucken smart, dumbass! "Hey, it was your idea." But you went along with it. "So what? I'm still getting laid." "That you are, big boy..." ...I hate you so much. In fact, I think I'll make you tiny, you cocky bastard... *Rebecca turns her head, which was signified by a creaking sound* "Do that and I'll castrate you with your own teeth..." *Author gulps and sweatdrops* R-roger that... Enjoy your meat missle...

I pushed the button for floor number 4, and after a moment, the doors shut. I pulled out my handgun and aimed at the camera. Then smiled, pulling the trigger.

After a few moments, the elevator took us down to floor 4. As the door opened, I raised my rifle. Rebecca was still trying in vain to wipe some of the tyrant blood off of her pants. (Heh, you think that stains, wait until I'm done with you once we're back home...)

As the doors opened, we stepped out. Since Billy wasn't in the water, we were good to go. I hoped the damn gate on the first floor stayed open or we'd be stuck without being able to get to the others. I looked around, then we crossed the small bridge and stepped inside the power management room. I walked over the grate bridge and inside the actual power room, moving to the panel, then tried to remember which gates needed to be activated to restore power.

After a moment, I pressed the three switches to connect power, and was rewarded after a few minutes. "Good. Power's been restored to the facility. Rebecca?" I looked at her. She was looking over some of the monitors. "I'm worried about the others. Especially with how Edward acts around Billy. D'you think they'll be alright without us for awhile?"

I thought on that for a moment or two. "Well, they shouldn't tear each other's throats out for awhile yet. We can't worry ourselves sick about them. Let's just get things cleared up around here first." She nodded, then we moved to the lift. "Wait here, Becks. Lemme grab something right quick."

I jogged across the bridge once more, and picked up the gas can lying there. Checking how much was in it, I carried it back across and stepped on the lift. Rebecca did likewise, givng me a funny look. Once the lift touched down, I stepped off and set the gas can down. Pulling my rifle to my shoulder, I set to work putting down the three zombies that shuffled about the room.

Once the ankle biters were taken care of, I grabbed the gas tank and picked up the three bottles lying on the floor and started making more molotovs. I was nearly out of cloth, so I decided to make a bit more. I set down the two complete molotovs, and pulled out my knife.

I pulled the fabric of my right uniform sleeve tight. Deciding to make it into a short sleeve overshirt, I cut right above my biceps, and worked my way around. Once the cloth was cut free, I cut it into strips and finished making the last molotov. Stashing the rest of the cloth for bandages or more homemade fireworks, I stood back up. I moved to the door, and motioned Rebecca to stay put.

Stepping through, I lit one of the two molotovs I'd brought. I took another three steps before the leech zombie came around the corner. I chucked the first flaming bottle, aiming right at the creature's foot. As it landed, the flaming liquid exploded over the creature, and started burning. Within moments, the leeches were burnt to a crisp. After two minutes, they were all dead. Turning back, I opened the door and whistled.

She dashed over, right on my heels as I turned away from the door. I walked down the short hall, turning and going into the door at the end of the hall. Going in, I reached down and pulled my handgun out and up. Aiming with one hand, real nonchalantly, I might add, I shot the lumbering zombie between the eyes. (Not really. The bullet went through his eye to be exact)

I walked over to the metal stairs and said, "Take a seat. I'll be back in a sec." She said, "Huh?" After that, I jogged down the stairs, ignoring her for now. Holstering my SE2, I walked over the stone foor and went to the door. Before I walked in, I remembered the keycard. I went over to the lift, then hopped onto the box. I then jumped up, and grabbed the ledge. Pulling myself up, I grabbed the keycard, and dropped down. Then I went through the door. Picking up the shotgun shells, I then hopped into the pit. Seeing that doing the puzzle is a waste of time, I took a running jump, practically running up the wall.

As I jumped, I took two steps up the wall, which put me high enough to grab the ledge with my off hand. Slinging my rifle on my shoulder, I pulled myself up a bit higher. I then reached through the bars of the handrail and got my fingers around the valve handle. Pulling it closer, I tossed it up and over the handrail, pulling back from the ledge and reaching up.

As I caught the valve, I released the ledge and dropped down. Bending my knees as I landed, I then stood and went up the ladder. As I walked through the door, I thought to myself, 'Hell yeah. Fuck you, Capcom.' I went back over and ascended the stairs, valve handle in hand.

Seeing me walk back up, Rebecca stood, question marks all over her face when she noticed the valce handle. I waved her questions off before she could voice them, before I kicked the door open. As I stepped out, I pulled my handgun and aimed at the nearest annoyance.

Splattering the first zombie's brains over the wall, I wondered when they got there. Shrugging off the thought, I shot the second one, then placed the handle in the door. Gritting my teeth, I holstered my gun and gripped the handle. Giving and almighty effort, it turned. Too damn slowly for my tastes. After roughly a minute of effort, the door was unlocked. I turned left, pulling my pistol as the last zombie was approaching.

"Fuck you very much." I pulled the trigger, splitting its head open. I heard rebecca breathe out a sigh just behind me, and then the click of her reactivating the safety. Replacing my SE2 in its holster, I opened the door fully, stepping inside.

Seeing the situation, I said, "Rebecca, cover the left side. I'll clear the right. Pick your targets, and lay 'em out!" I was already moving, flicking my safety off as I shouldered my rifle, going in soldier-mode. I heard her take a few tentative steps as first, then she started firing.

I aimed at the first monstrocity, aiming at the zombie's face. My first shot cleared out his head, then I hit the second one. I unconsciencely flicked my gun onto automatic, and put another shot in the second zombie's head. Stepping around the corner, I put a burst in the skull of the one playing possum. Seeing no more, I went back to Rebecca.

She was still firing, and had started backing up. Just before she hit the wall, I patted her shoulder, and stepped in front of her as she went to reload. Seeing only one left, I put a round in his left eye, then made sure the other two would stay down. Once that was done, I reloaded my rifle, and looked at her.

She was still pulling back the charging handle of her MP5, then she looked back at me. I pointed at the ladder, then made to climb up it. Stepping off of it on the floor above, I took a knee and waited for her to join me. Once she had, I stood and lead the way once more.

Seeing two more targets, I aimed and fired, turning the undead back into corpses. Seeing nothing more, I went back and slid down the ladder before going over to the next door for us to go through.

I switched to my shotgun, checking the chamber. Once I knew it was loaded, I gripped the handle of the heavy steel door. I looked at Rebecca. "On my mark. One, two, three, go!" I threw the door open, stepping inside with my shotgun raised.

The two hunters inside growled, but before they could jump, I put a round of buckshot into both of their arms. Racking, I aimed again and fired, taking the head off of the one on the left. I racked the pump again, as I stepped forward. As it bent its knees to jump, I fired again, taking off its right leg. The hunter alpha fell, having nothing under its right side.

Before it even recognised what had happened, I cocked my gun and fired one last time, hitting it in the face. I pumped the mossberg once more, and waited, seeing if it would move. After thirty seconds, I started reloading. Stepping over their corpses, I went to the door across from us. As I opened the door, I felt Rebecca step next to me.

I pushed the door open and stepped inside. Seeing the corpse lying on the bed, I flicked my safety off and put a bullet in its head. Deeming it safe now, I walked further into the room, looking it over for supplies as Rebecca shut the door. Seeing the beds, my first thought was, 'If not the the stench of rotting flesh, I'd throw Rebecca down and plow her right now... ' Fuck. I needed to get laid, and soon.

After grabbing the two boxes of 9mm, which I handed to Rebecca, I examined the case of 40mm grenades. 'Damn. Shoulda reqed a damned M203...' (Reqed: Requisitioned; asked the armorer and signed one out to use while on duty) I decided to do a double check and see if the others had one.

"Check, check. Hey Edward, did you guys find an M203 in the bag Rebecca brought back? Over." The radio crackled for a moment, then Edward came over the radio. "_Yes, we found two inside. Randy managed to get one of them in working order, at least he says he thinks it will work. Over_." I thought back to the training regime we had.

If you have an M203 that has a slight malfunction, or comes off the rail, it's gonna fuck your world. Badly. A fucked up gearbox means that the launcher might go off at the most inopportune time, like say, when it's pointed at the ground at your feet. This is one way to make yourself real popular with your squad. It's why they reccommend you keep the thing unloaded until you need to use it.

"Roger that, Eddy. You guys across the cable car, yet? Over." "_Not yet. We should be roughly halfway across by now. Over_." Huh. Well, I'd have them meet up with us later on, then. I could use the extra firepower.

"Gotcha. Hey, we met up with Enrico awhile back. He went to scout ahead. Myself and Rebecca have the area directly connected to the cable car mostly secure, but tell the others to be careful regardless. Over." "_Copy that. Over._"

Hmm... Well, what to do... I'd need a little help dealing with the queen, but I don't want to have a crowd when we find Sergei and his minions. Rebecca spoke up, pulling me from my musings. "Roy... Why'd you have the others hang back, anyway?" I replied, without turning towards her.

"It's easier to protect one person than two. If you're close to me, I can at least keep you safe. Having several others would only slow me down, and I don't know if I could protect all of them." Obviously, this didn't satisfy her.

"Hmph. And why do you seem to know your way around so well?" Ah, shit. Knew she'd figure it out eventually. Quick, think fast. "Dunno... Feels like I've done this before, so I just been following my gut feeling." I shrugged, still not looking towards her while I walked to the door. Now she seemed just plain old annoyed. "Fine. Let's just go."

I opened the door, moving through. I approached the nearby stairs, stepping on the leeches lying around as I did so. "Make sure you don't trip," I called back. "Yeah, yeah! I'm not a- Whoa!" Of course, as soon as I told her, she slipped on a leech. She caught the handrail before she fell, so I didn't have to dash up the stairs to catch her. "Hey hey, we have enough things trying to kill us without you killing yourself. Be careful huh?" Now she was genuinely pissed. Anyways...

We finished crossing the room without further incident. As I opened the door and held it open for her, she gave me a look that just screamed, 'You are so dead later...' and she stepped through. Chuckling, I followed her and we crossed the cridge to yet another door. Grabbing the knob, I turned it and stepped through, scanning for threats. Seeing three, I took aim, flicking my safety off.

After taking them down, I reloaded, checking my ammo count. 'Good enough...' "Rebecca, how are you on ammo?" Still looking annoyed, (Cute, really. With that scowl she looked positively delicious... Whoops, there goes my inner pervert again) she checked the magazine pouches on her vest. "Eight full clips. Plus whatever's in my bag."

"Huh. Fair enough. Stay on single unless we meet something real big and nasty. A-box shots only." I looked around us, and noticed that the console next to us was, of course, missing its motherboard. 'Lovely... ' "Hey, did you read the note that was in the barracks?" She nodded. "Something about battery acid purity levels. Why?" I smirked. "Because these idiots leave notes with important information on 'em all over the place." I said, as I picked up the note from the treatment plant worker. I pointed at the lift. "Let's head down and see what we can find."

As I worked the controls for the lift, I felt Rebecca staring holes in my back. "Save any more questions that aren't of dire importance for after we're outta here, okay?" She pouted, I could feel it. But she said nothing. Which I took for a yes.

Once the lift reached the bottom, I stepped off and walked out, going to the door. Going outside, I grinned at the feeling of fresh air on my skin. Moving towards where the ladder was, I looked down. 'Hmm... Not more than three feet deep. If I carry Rebecca, with the added weight keeping my footing should be pretty easy...' I looked at Rebecca.

She was bending over, looking down at the rushing water. She looked back at me. I grinned. "Hope you like swimming." Her eyes bugged out of her head. "Oh no, I'm not going down there!"

"You do? Okay then, hold on tight!" I seized her, picking her up bridal style. And using it as an opportunity to feel her ass. (Oh-ho, it was sweet...) I then jumped over the ladder, falling roughly nine feet down onto the walkway with water rushing over it.

"Ahh!" Geeze, no that was not me. That was her. Screaming her head off, and deafening me as we landed. The water felt great, nice and cool, but not ice-cold. I had drifted about fourteen inches to the left, courtesy of the rapids. Good thing I'd brought her or I might've endedup hanging off of the handrail.

I grit my teeth, and set to work crossing the flooded walkway. As I got maybe halfway across, (It was slow work, as Rebecca was nearly choking me hanging on for dear life) I noticed a dark shape in the water. In a moment of superhuman strength, I dashed forward, rushing water be damned.

It wasn't all that spectacular, since I only got maybe five feet from it, but it did the trick. The giant frong missed, and overshot it's target. And plummeted down the dam, falling to its demise. "Serves you right, you bastard!" I yelled after it, giving it the finger with my free hand. After that, I finished crossing and held Rebecca up a bit, so she could climb off of me and onto the ladder.

Once she was up, and considerably less freaked out, I climbed up and opened the door, going through. Once inside, I went to work killing the two wondering zombie before going to the locked door. Removing the keycard from my pocket, Rebecca got over her murderous intentions and said, "Huh? Where'd you get that?" Eyeing the keycard.

"From a rather libertine corpse. He didn't complain when I relieved him of his ammunition, either." I said, as I slid the card into the reader. It beeped, and the door opened. "One second. Wait right here," I said, and went back to the other door.

Unlocking it, I turned the switch to lower the floodgates. Then I pulled up my radio. "Hey Edward, you guys across?" "_Yeah. Where do you want us to meet up? Over_" Hmm... I know!

"Head up the nearby stairs, then go into the room across from you. Inside you'll find the controls for the large turntable. Bring it up to you, then follow this path..." I gave him directions, making sure he knew to stick to the path I detailed, which follows my own.

"... And once you reach the walkway, be careful. I was nearly taken over the ledge by an oversized frog. Then head up and into the generator room, then take the door on the left. When you get there, lemme know and I'll direct you further. For now, myself and Rebecca will contonue clearing the path ahead. Good luck and godspeed. Over."

"_Alright. We'll try to stick tothe path. I'll let you know if we run into anything strange. Over._"

Now that that is taken care of... I went back into the generator room, and met up with Rebecca. Motioning forward, I lead her across the way and to the door. I knelt and picked up the magnum rounds before opening the door, adding them to the same pouch with my desert eagle. Then I grabbed the door handle, and pulled.

Stepping inside, we were greeted by the sight (And smell... Ugh.) of hundreds of leeches. And Marcus. "Welcome, honored guests,to your wake..." And he launched into his spiel about hating Umbrella and wanting the world to burn. While he was talking, I readied my gun. "...And the world will burn, in an inferno of- Gahh!"

I'd had enough. So I opened fire, hitting him with half a magazine. "Ah, shaddup ya fucken moron. What're you, a mad scientist or an end-of-days preacher? Get over yourself already. Umbrella's already fucked the world. You ain't the only one." He was pissed. Especially since quite a few of my bullets had been aimed at his crotch. While he was fuming and regenerating, I said, "Oh yeah... Wesker sends his regards. Now die, punk! Becca, down!" I chucked the flashbang I'd had my hand on.

While it was in midair, I turned, and pulled Rebecca close to me. Pushing her head down, I closed my eyes and waited the three seconds. Then there was an ear-splitting explosion, and a blinging flash of light.

Turning back, I raised my gun once more. What I saw was hilarious. He was holding his face, shouting, "My eyes! My eyes!" Then, he started to mutate. While he was transforming, I switched to my shotgun and double-checked my ammo count. Then I aimed, and said, "Rebecca, this is what I meant by real big and nasty!" She nodded, wide-eyed at the horror that was occuring in front of her. Then I heard the tell-tale click of her deactivating the safety.

As it continued to morph, I fired, blasting a nice hole in his leg. Racking, I continued firing as Rebecca unloaded on Marcus' twisted form. I started circling to the left, focusing my shots on his head, intending to take down this fucker before he could get a single hit in. After firing all eight shots, I began reloading, speeding through shells. I heard a click sound, signifying that Rebecca was out.

While she reloaded, I racked my gun with half a tube of ammo and fired, taking his attention away from the medic. As I moved, it fully morphed. Then it hopped over the railing, and fell as it started to come apart. 'Good... After he stops moving I'm gonna burn his ass'

When he hit the floor, his top and bottom fully aeparated, his legs no longer moving. Taking the moment to reload, Rebecca started firing again. This got the monster's attention. Asit began moving towards Rebecca, I finished reloading and dashed forward, intent on stopping the creature.

When I got within five feet, I jumped, landing squarely on the thing's back. Rebecca had stopped firing, her gun empty again. When she saw me on top of the thing she turned and hauled ass away from it, trying to fumble a new magazine into her gun.

I jammed my gun into the thing's back. "Eat this you tentacle freak!" Then I fired, and put eight rounds of buckshot into Marcus. After the fifth shot, it started slowing its movements, its insides ripped to shreds. With my eighth trigger pull, it stopped. Taking the initiative, I hopped off of it, sprinting away.

Turning back, I stopped. When it didn't move, I set my gun down, and reached into my pack. Pulling out one of the battoles of rum, I said, "Well, that was worth a bottle of barcardi." While Rebecca looked at me with a look of utter shock on her face, I pulled out one of the cloth strips and opened the bottle.

Stuffing the cloth into the throat of it, I stood up and pulled out my lighter. Now Rebecca understood what I was doing. Once it was lit, I threw the molotov, and watched it explode into flames over Marcus' dead body.

I then retrieved my shotgun, and sat down. After reloading my weapons and checking my ammo count, (Good enough for now) I stood up. Looking around, I found the shaft keys. After pocketing one, I said, "Alright, let's get moving." Rebecca nodded, and said, "I think I've had enough leeches for one lifetime..."

I smirked, agreeing with her completely. After handing her one of the keys, I walked towards the locked door. Once there, I indicated one of the key holes. Rebecca went to it, understanding what I meant. Sometimes we just understood one another, not needing words. (Like during sex, or when arguing. She knew I'd always find a way to win)

"Three, two, one, turn!" We turned, and the door opened. When it did, I looked around for a moment, then I saw what I needed. I picked up a bit of metal, and placed it between the doors so they wouldn't fully close. After that, I walked over to the shelf and collected all the shotgun rounds that were there, as well as several 40mm grenades. Rebecca picked up a box of 9mm, and started reloading one of her magazines. After that, she started mizing the herbs that were there into some kind of ointment.

After we'd gotten everything we needed, we turned towards the elevator shaft. "Hm... Think we should wait for the others to catch up?" I was honestly debating whether we should or not, since Birkin might figure out how to get the self-destruct activated at any time now, and the damn queen might come bursting through, which would be bad. Very, bad.

But hey, at least Sergei-Fear-Me-I'm-Russian-Vladimir hasn't reared his butt-ugly head. So that's a plus. I decided to wait, until either the self-destruct or the queen showed up. I checked my watch. It was 4:27 A.M.

Rebecca thought for a moment. "Yeah, let's wait on them. We don't know what's at the top of this thing, anyway." So she sat down. And I pulled up my radio. "Hey Eddy, where are you guys? Over." "_We're nearing the generator room, now. Over." _

"Good. Tell the others to double-time it, we've found a way out." When he replied, I could hear cheering in the background. "_An escape? Alright! Let's get moving_!_ Over._"

So I plopped down next to Rebecca. I figured we had a ten minute wait. So I pulled out one of my MRE packets and ripped it open, revealing a thing of wheat bread. I tore it in half, and gave the bigger part to Rebecca.

She took it with a grateful look, and pretty much inhaled it. Thinking on it for a second, I handed her my half. After a moment's hesitation, she took it and swallowed it whole. (Pretty much. Did she even taste it?) We sat in silence for a few minutes. "Hey, Roy..." Well, that didn't last long.

"Yeah?" "Why me? You said earlier that having others would only slow you down. So why bring me with you?"  
"Because I couldn't be sure of your welfare if you weren't within my lind of sight. Not to mention, if I didn't bring you back in one piece Enrico would never let me live it down. I doubt I'd be able to look at myself in the mirror if I let you get hurt and knew I could have prevented it..." Rebecca looked... well, hell, I don't know how to describe the myraid or emotions that crossed her face. She was quiet for a long time. (Only a minute or two, actually)

"Roy... You really L-" I cut her off, placing a finger on her lips. (To which she looked at cross-eyed for a second. They don't tell you that in those cheesy love novels!) "Hey.. Don't jinx us now. Save it for once we're out of here." I leaned forward, moving my hand to caress her cheek.

I was mere centimeters away, our lips already parted, about to connect when we heard something. (The mating call of the wild jackass, also known as _Cockblockus Infamousus_) "Ahem...!" I turned my head, looking away from a blushing Rebecca to a blushing Edward. And gave him a look of annoyance. (He was blushing for completely different reasons, I'm sure)

Tom and Randy looked at us from behind Edward. "We're not interrupting anything, I hope?" Edward's voice was laced with venom. 'The nerve of him... Hitting on young Rebecca now of all times?!'

Billy was Behind the others, snickering to himself at Edward's reaction. I said, "Nah. I was just giving her CPR to make sure she was breathing right. Which you interrupted, by the way." I said with a straight face, despite the fact that the statement was dripping with sarcasm.

Then I turned back, and pulled Rebecca back into our kiss. Which she returned, half a second later. 'Screw that uptight prude. He isn't my dad...' Rebecca had thought, seeing Edward's blush, and his annoyed expression. (And enjoying her liplock)

After roughly fifteen seconds, I turned back, with a great big grin. "Yep! She's breathing juuust fine." Eddy looked like he was about to bust a gasket. Or try to bust my balls. Either way, I stood back up, pulling Rebecca as I did so.

"Right, Billy, you holding up okay?" He gave me a thumbs up. I turned to look at the two stooges. "One'a you said you had a working M203?" Randy (The taller one. He sounded like he was of african descent, with a slight brooklyn accent) held up the launcher, having retrieved it from the bag over his shoulder. I walked over, taking and weighing it.

After a few moments, I pulled my rifle from my back and sat down. After a few minutes and using some of the allen wrenches I kept in my pockets, I had removed my foregrip and attatched the grenade launcher. I opened it, checking that it cocked right, then closed and dry-fired it.

I repeated this a good ten or twelve times, then said, "Billy, split some of yuor incindiaries with me." He handed me half a dozen of them, and I gave him some of the explosive ones I'd collected. After we checked ammo counts, we all hopped onto the lift. 'Welp, here goes nothing...' I pulled the lever. No going back now!

_**And BAM! We're almost outta here! Next chapter will have the finale of the Zero arc. After that... No body knows... There's no going back now. Roll the dice! **_


	30. Chapter 29, End of Zero Arc

Waking Death

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

#29 Almost there... Just gotta take one last hill... It's been an honor, brother. "Say that AFTER I'm finished plowing that innocent brunette's love tunnel. Then we'll talk pleasant." ... Fickle little horndog, ain'tcha? "Of course he is. He's had my ass to look at all night." "And what an ass it is..." Okay, enough innuendos before you rape her in front of Edward. Hey, wait! Stop that! I'm still here, damnit! *Continues heavy petting* ... I think I'll get my camera now... make a quick buck off you horny bastards...

And so, I pulled the lever, and the lift started moving. As we ascended, we heard something. Then we felt something. Then we looked down, and saw something. "Shit! It's the queen!" Fuck. State the obvious, why don'tcha? I looked at Rebecca. "See? This is what happens when you wait for the others to catch up."

She didn't say anything. Figures. I needed to slow that bitch down, fast! (Slow faster. Huh... Like stop that some more, huh? Lol) I reached into my pack, and pulled out my last molotov. Grinning like a crazy bastard, I lit the cloth, then chucked it as hard as I could down the shaft.

It connected with the leech queen, catching fire. As it screeched, it wilted for a moment, then started crashing up the shaft even faster. 'Fuck me.' Then... It reached the lift.

The whole damn thing was thrown up, onto the level we needed to reach. After a second of groaning and picking myself up, I readied myself. 'Time to get my ass kicked...' Then the fucking intercom came on.

"Self-destruct has been activated. Evacuate immediately. Fifteen minutes to detonation." Now I was pissed. "Oh, come on! Fuck off, Birkin! When I get outta here I'm gonna whip your ass, you fucking geek!" The others started getting up now, and a moment after that, the queen crashed inside.

I grit my teeth, then started shouting at the top of my lungs. "OVER HERE YOU TENTACLE FREAK! ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT MEALS ON WHEELS BITCH! COME'N GET IT!" I punctuated my outburst by unloading my rifle on the creature.

Then I turned, and hauled ass away from it. While doing so, I checked my watch. 4:42. 'Fuck me sideways! The sun isn't up yet!' I stopped, already finished reloading. 'Okay, time to improvise. Whattaya got?' After another second, I spun around, and started shooting again. Once it got close, I pulled an incindiary grenade and loaded the M203.

"LET'S DANCE BITCH!" I fired, lighting the overgrown leech on fire. While it reeled for a moment, I reloaded the launcher. 'Hmm... Got it.' At that moment, Rebecca, Billy, Tom and Randy started firing, distracting the thing for just a second. 'Just enough time!' I reached into my bag, and pulled out a small cylidrical object.

Pulling the pin, I chucked the flashbang high into the air, directly above the creature. "Flash out!" I covered my eyes, and waited. A few seconds later, the flashbang went off, and the monster let out a horrifying wail, the kind that you associate with the lowest pits of hell. Bringing my hand back, I whipped out two frags, and slung them by their pins.

Now activated, they flew and connected with the creature, their safety levers clinking to the floor. Rolling away, I covered my head as they went off. I was deafened for a few moments, and as I got back up, unable to hear the others. 'Fuck it' I fired the M203 again, as the thing tried to approach me.

It got no more than five yards, then slumped over. I finished reloading, and fired again, setting it alight. When I reached back, I grabbed a high explosive this time. Loading, I circled the thing as it tried to get back up. I saw that the others were oon their feet, but unsteady. Tom had Randy on his shoulder, and Billy was bleeding. But he had his launcher aimed, and Rebecca was still firing, a determined look on her face. I ddin't see Edward near them. Shit.

'So damned proud...' I aimed the thumper and fired again. As the round connected, the thing recoiled, another chunk of it gone. Pulling one of my last two incindiaries, I readied a flashbang. 'Time to end this!'

I armed and threw the flashbang, which seemed to burn the queen, probably due to the bright light. Before it went off, I fired my last two napalm grenades, then closed my eyes. The boss monster burned bright, as the flash went off. My eyes were stinging something awful, but I watched as the thing thrashed back and forth, blinded and mortally wounded.

I switched to my last four high explosive 40mm's. I fired once more, then switched to my rifle. I dumped all thirty rounds of .223 into it, and dropped the magazine. Stepping to my left, I threw my rifle onto my back, and reached into my asspack one last time.

Pulling out my desert Eagle, I racked the slide, then levelled it at the queen. "Y'know what... You ain't worth a witty punch line." I fired, one, twice, I emptied the magazine. I dropped it and slammed another in place, hitting the slide lock. I lit the thing up, firing four more rounds. After that...

The monster twitched, one, twice, then fell backward, coming to a complete stop. It remained there, still twitching. After a few moments, it became still, and started shrivelling. 'Fuck... I need a drink...'

I looked around, then reloaded the magnum before placing it in my bag. I dashed around the thing's corpse looking for the others. They were mostly limping in my direction. "Where's Edward? He up here?" Billy shrugged, looking around. Rebecca looked around for a few seconds, then gasped. "There!" She shouted, and sprinted to where she'd pointed.

Turning, I saw what she meant. There was Edward. Or, well, half of Edward. His torso and one of his arms was in place. The rest was crushed under the lift. (Since it was flush against the ground, it meant that the lift was the only reason he hadn't bled out yet. Poor bastard) Skidding to a stop, she grabbed Edward's head, and started freaking the fuck out.

"Edward! Edward! Come on, wake up!" I jogged over, wondering how much time we had left. As I was raising my left wrist to check, I heard something ominous. "Self-dustruct sequence has been implemented. Evacuate immediately. Detonation in T-minus five minutes." "Fuck me!" I dashed over to where Rebecca was kneeling.

"Eddy, you awake?!" No response. Rebecca's pleadings were getting a little hysterical. "Edward! Come on! Get up...!" She had tears in her eyes now. Damnit... "Shit... Rebecca, he's gone. We need to move!" This isn't some damn fairytale, nor is it some kinda work of fiction. His spine must've been crushed. He was gone...

After a moment, Edward suddenly woke up. He coughed up what had to be half a pint of blood. Shit, he was alive? 'Unlucky motherfucker...' I knelt. "Eddy, how bad you feel?" He turned his head, which was now in Rebecca's lap. And he did something amazing. He raised his arm that wasn't pinned and flipped me off. Bastard.

"Just... fucking... *Cough* Peachy.. The fuck're you still doing here?! You need to.. Get going." He knew. He fucking knew he was already dead... Shit, he was strong emotionally. "No! Edward we can still-"

"Enough, Rebecca! I know I'm fucked. I can see the thing on top of me thank you. I heard the... *Cough, hack* thing spouting about self-destruct. Now go!... Argh... " ... I owed this guy a drink later. And a jug of Bacardi in heaven... "Rebecca. You hear him. Umbrella doesn't leave traces. We need to get moving. Now." She was crying. Great big crocodile tears. Fuck me... Mendokuse...

Edward spoke up. "Yeah... get outta here rookie. I need to talk to your future husband for a sec... Shoo." Rebecca was speechless. But she stood, and saluted. Then she ran off to where Billy and the stooges were, by the door.

"Roy... You know what I'm going to ask.." I nodded, and reached down. I pulled off the patch on his uniform that had his name. Stashing it, I pulled out my handgun. "You got a last request? Just so you know, I suck as karioake." I gave a lopsided smile. He started to laugh, but ended up coughing up blood. "Yeah yeah... Just put my down. I don't wanna keep my parents waiting." I gave a left-handed salute.

"It's been a pleasure, Eddy." "Thanks... Hey.. Keep that girl safe. I want your word." I smiled. A genuinely warm one. "Yeah... For the sins of the father... On the blood of the son... For the blood on my hands... I swear."

"Thank you.. Now make it quick. I am in pain you know..." I smirked, then said, "Understood. I'll see you soon, Edward." "I'd better not."

"Hah. Sure. I'll meet you at the bar when I get there... I'm buying." He smiled, even as I brought my pistol to his temple. "I'll see you in hell, friend. When you see Wesker, tell him I kept my word." And I did one of the most difficult things in the world. I pulled the trigger on a friend... At their request.

Standing, I ran back to the others, just as the intercom announced the one minute mark. "Let's go. I've got a score to settle with Umbrella." They all nodded, Rebecca with tears in her eyes. Billy kicked the door down, and we all hauled ass out and away, desperate to escape this nightmare.

...

We'd been running for a good ten minutes, then we slowed to a walk. We came to a knoll above the Reccoon forest. Here we decided to go our seperate ways. Tom still had Randy on his shoulders. "Think we'll head out from here. Need a change of scenery... And career." I smirked and nodded. "You get back to Raccoon, drop by the RPD sometime. We'll discuss matter further then. Have a good one, guys." They turned, heading out into the forest. I wondered whether they'd survive the night...

The sun was starting to rise. It was 5:09 AM. Two STARS members stood, with a falsely convicted marine. I looked at Billy. "Well, Coen, you're already dead. How're you on ammo?" He looked in his pocked for a few moments. " 'Bout twenty spare shells." I pulled off my shotgun ammo belt and handed it to him. "Then you'll need this." He took it, grateful but wondering why.

"Now you look like a real badass." I smirked, he chuckled, Rebecca giggled. "And hey, where ever you go, keep an ear to the ground. I'll do what I can and call in a few favors with a handfull of colonels who owe me. I'll see if I can't get your conviction overturned, even if it's considered post-humously. Here," I reached into my pack, and pulled out a small slip of paper.

"My E-mail. Get in touch with me sometime around... Say, 2004 and I'll letcha know how I've fared. And if I get you cleared, I'll probably have work for you." Billy nodded, taking the paper. He then turned to Rebecca, who smiled at him, despite her tears.

"I'll miss you, Billy. Be careful out there." "Yeah... You too, dollface. Hey Roy, " He turned back to me. "Take care of her." I grinned. I'd heard that way too many times.

"Sure. That's three times I've made that promise, just so you know Becca." Before she could react, I gave her an almighty slap on the ass. She jumped, straight forward and into Billy's arms. Despite not planning it, neither of them complained about the impromptu hug. Grinning, I pretended not to see the look of annoyance that promised pain in my future. (From Rebecca. Billy was trying not to grin, but he failed)

Turning away, Billy gave a one-handed wave. "Thanks a lot. I'll see you around." He then walked off, in a different direction than the two soldiers. 'Wonder if I'll see him anytime soon... Probably after I help Leon in spain. Wonder how that venture will go over?' I chuckled to myself.

Rebecca heard it, and gave me a funny look. Turning back to her, I said, "C'mon, let's find that mansion Enrico mentioned." I lead her in the direction I remembered the mansinon being, and we started our journey.

...

As we walked on, Rebecca looked at me. "You said you'd tell me how you knew your way through that nightmare..." Hm. "So I did. You ever have a dream... And the next day you see yourself doing it?" She nodded, looking perplexed.

"Well, I had something similar. I simply went with what I felt. Nine times outta ten, your gun feeling is right. Go with your first instinct and never second-guess yourself. Never look back."

She took that bit of advice, then looked downcast. "There wasn't anything to be done about Edward. His fate was sealed the moment he was scratched by those dogs." She gave me a wierd look. "Dogs?"

"Yes. They were infected with the T-virus, and Edward was infected. It was miraculous he survived as long as he did. But he would have died within two days regardless." Her eyes widened, and she looked absolutely shocked. "No! We could have gotten him to the hospital, and-"

"And what? The T-virus acts like a cancer. It infects its host and reanimates dead cells, but ends up consuming the host. Umbella hasn't perfected a cure themselves, yet. All we would've done by bringing him to the city was risk infecting other people." I stated, without emotion. "Remember, Rebecca. You cannot save everyone. It's why I didn't become a doctor. I'd never be able to stand not being able to save others."

She was stricken by this. But knew I was right. Her logical side was agreeing, while the human side of her was fighting it. "I know that! But still...!" "I know. It hurts to see people you know be killed. You deal with it. So put it aside for now. We're not home yet." My seemingly cold tone struck a cord.

She sighed, the tears returning. I put an arm around her shoulders. "That feeling... Of guilt, remorse, and helplessness. It's why I work as a soldier. If I can't Save others... Then I'll keep them from being hurt in the first place." She remained silent. Then she pressed closer to me. "Why... Why do people try to hurt each other...?"

"I do not know... For pride... For life... For possessions... For glory. For love." I looked at her. Rebecca's eyes were wide, nearly bugging out of her skull. I smirked warmly. "You were saying it once before. And yes, you are important to me. Now, what were you saying earlier?"

Rebecca was stunned. Her mind was going blank, blush creeping onto her cheeks. "Y-you mean..." God, she was cute when she was embarassed. I chuckled. "Yes, Rebecca. I love you. Do you feel the same?" And she was way too much fun to tease. Heheheheheh.

"Y-y-yes! Why're you... Um... Where's your hand going?" Hahaha... Fun, fun. "Oh, he's just looking for someplace warm." I moved my hand from rubbing her hip and reached up, caressing her cheek. "Here seems exceptionally warm... Why're you blushing?" Hahahahaha! Yes, she was fun to tease.

"S-stop teasing me!" Ah, she caught on. Oh, well. "Oh? Would you prefer if I left this here, then?" I moved my hand back down, rubbing her hip and the upper part of her ass. Her face was comparable to a chili pepper. Good times...

She said nothing on my hand's placement, but then again, she was distracted by the sight of the mansion. We were close to it, now. "Huh. Spencer's mansion..." "Spencer?" I nodded.

"Ozwell E. Spencer. CEO of Umbrella. Mad scientist megalomaniac extraordinair. Wonder if he's home? ...And willing to spare a couch for us?" Rebecca thought on this. Then stopped. "Wait. Couch...?"

"Yeah. This hand's gotten comfortable. Says he isn't letting you go again." I chuckled, then outright laughed when she smacked my arm. "Pervert..."

"You know you love it. Hm, if the old prick isn't home, think he'll mind if we raid his fridge?" I grinned. Rebecca thought on this. Then blushed. "Forget the fridge. I'm stealing his bed. Wanna join me?" Aha! She was finally flirting back.

"Sure. You want top?" We continued this, back and forth flirtaceous innuendos as we approached the mansion.

After awhile, we had made it. We came up to a backdoor, which lead into a strange pantry, I supposed. We walked through it, and wandered about the hallway we were in. After a few minutes, we came to a small bedroom. Servant's quarter's I thought. Hmm...

Anyway... I pulled off my shotgun, and unloaded it. Then I placed it against the door after I closed it. (If someone opened the door, it would get caught on the gun for a moment, then the gun would crash to the floor, alerting us) Once my half-assed alarm system was set up, I set my rifle on the nightstand. Rebecca had put hes MP5 on the floor next to the bed, and stretched. I sat down on the bed, and reached into my pack.

Pulling out two MRE's, I handed one to Rebecca. She sat down, and we both started opening the packets and chowing down. 'Well... We're in the mansion. Won't how this is going to play out...? '

_**Fuck the food! I'm gonna eat some'a that pussy! Gonna plow the living fuck out of a virgin next chapter, and tear her in half! Believe it! (Hahahahaha, pun!) Till next time, I'll be sitting here with blue balls. So read the next damned chapter quick and gimme some relief!**_

_**"Jackass Thompson doesn't approve of Wii Music. He's on a crusade to put an end to sax and violins in games"**_


	31. New Beginnings Nightmare Arc

Waking Death

New Beginnings

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

#30 First chaper of New Beginnings; This is the second Arc of Waking Death. And it begins with Roy fucking Rebecca into a coma. Then after a nap, they get involved with the original Mansion Incident. Wonder how our horny little timeline-fucker is going to screw Umbrella over this time... And how will it change the future of Resident Evil...? As Roy would say... "The fuck're we standing around here for? Let's get this shit done so I can go get laid." Ha Ha Ha! _**Let the original nightmare... Begin! **_

So as we sat on the bed, eating in silence, we both wondered what tonight would bring. 'Does he intend to sleep with me...? Here? Now?! Argh, get your head out of the gutter, Rebecca!' Rebecca shook her head, trying in vain to clear her mind of such explicit thoughts. All the time, Roy was focusing on far more dangerous matters...

'Hmm... It should be at least sixteen hours until the actual incident starts. The rest of STARS shouldn't arrive until nearly ten or eleven tonight. Enough time for a nap, at least... More importantly, how will the original STARS cast be equipped? If they have better firepower like Barry got for Bravo, then they should get along without too many problems... But... The biggest bur in my balls is Wesker. How shall I deal with him...?'

Rebecca was stealling sideways glances at Roy the whole time. Seeing his features set in a scowl as he sat in consternation, Rebecca thought he looked like some sort of model. 'Maybe an underwear model... Oh, he would look good enough to eat... Wait.. Argh! Shut up shut up shut up! We can't screw now! Think of Edward...' Right here, she seemed to be having an internal conversation with her inner nympho.

**'Fuck that prude! He's dead! He can't help you!'  
**_'How can you say that?! He died helping us escape!'  
_**'And he spent quite a bit of time trying to cockblock you. He can't stop you now. So do it!'  
**_'I can't do that! We're in someone else's house!'  
_**'It's abandoned. Not like anyone's gonna know...'  
**_'But... He'll think I'm a tramp... Easy... Opens her legs for anyone...'  
_**'Him? Hah! He's a guy! He's that way and knows it. He don't care. Sex is sex. Besides... He wants it too...'  
**_'Wait. What?'  
_**'It's so obvious he wants you. Now stop acting like a chaste little schoolgirl and bone him!'  
**_'...'_

"... Rebecca? Hey, anybody in there?" She blinked. Then noticed the hand in front of her face. Turning, she saw his smirk. "I'm here! What?"

"I was asking if you'd got enough to eat." "Um, yeah, I'm good." 'Real smooth, Rebecca. Ignore the guy you want to sleep with.' Rebecca thought, feeling just a hitn of self-doubt.

'Why is she blushing so hard? What, she thinking of me naked or something? Eh, fuck it. Not important' Roy wasn't much worried. Sex would come, whether in the next hour or after they got back home. Didn't much matter. He had more pressing matters to deal with.

After another ten minutes of silence...

"Um... Roy... What you said back home.. Technically we're already finished with our mission..." Huh? Wait, was she saying what I think she's saying? "..."

"We're already in a bed anyway, so..."

"..."

"Roy... Um... Are you...?"

"...Rebecca, are you asking for sex? Here? Now?" Roy was... in a word, shocked. 'Is her post fight-or-flight procreation instinct that strong?'

"...Yes... But if you don't want to I understand and um... Ah sorry.. I knew I shouldn't've..." Roy silenced her, pulling their lips together.

"It's fine, Becks... C'mere..." Roy then proceded to push the remains of their MRE's into the boxes they came from before pushing them onto the floor. After that, he pulled Rbecca into his arms and onto his lap, resuming their frenching.

After a minute of their tongue war, Roy pulled Rebecca as he leaned backward, lying down on the bed. His hands began wandering her body, rubbing her shoulders to her flanks, hips to her ass and back. She was busy trying to undo his clothes, tugging at his vest and shirt. Even as they went on with this, they never broke their liplock, intent on winning their duel of tongues.

Once Rebecca was sure she'd gotten his vest as far off as she could, she untucked his shirt and pulled it up, making his torso visible. She had began rubing his abbs for only a moment, before breaking their kiss and looking down.

SEXUAL CONTENT WARNING BELOW THIS LINE

She gasped, "Oh, my god... " Roy wasn't sure what she meant. His massive erection pressing against her crotch, or the scars covering his body. "Roy... What happened...?" She had been feeling his rock-hard six-pack abbs, and felt the deep lacerations that covered them. "Hn. Not important. focus on what's important, Rebecca." He heard a sharp intake of breath, just as he had started grinding his crotch against hers.

"But... You- Ah!" She was intent on finding out, but it could wait until later. Roy was just as intent on getting her hot and bothered within the next five minutes. Not stopping his minstrations, he began undoing her vest, and removed it. After another few moments, she gave up on interrogating him half-naked.

She sat back, and pulled her shirt off. However, Roy beat her to the clasp of her bra, unlatching and pulling it off in one smooth movement. Tossing it aside, he sat up and pulled his vest off, leaving his shirt but removing his Galco holster, placing it next to his rifle on the table. Refocusing on Rebecca, he wrapped his arms around her back, and brought his mouth to one of her dusty pink nipples.

"Ahn!..." While he worked one, he used his hand to gently roll and pinch the other, whilest simultaneously grinding his his cock against her crotch and feeling up her ass. While he worked, Rebecca began rubbing his back, feeling the contours along his spine.

Within minutes of this treatment, Roy could feel Rebecca's crotch growing damp, and stopped. Lifting her off of his lap, he sat her on the edge of the bed and helped her undress. Once he'd gotten her belt, she'd practically thrown her pants off, eager to get back to work. While she did this, Roy removed his shirt, revealing a sculpted but heavily scarred upper body. When Rebecca saw this, her eyes grew to the size of saucers.

She reached out a hand, feeling the knots of muscle on his chest. 'Such deep scars... What did this to him...?' She didn't have time to continue her train of thought, as Roy pulled her back onto his lap. Rekindling their tongue battle, Roy placed his hand on her heat, rubbing through her cute pink panties. (They had stripes of white... Ah, hahahahaha! They practically screamed VIRGIN!) As she moaned into his mouth, he continued working her body, already familiar with her every weak point.

While she was starting to grow faint, Roy leaned away from her, and pulled down the last barrier between him and her womanhood. Lifting her off of his straining crotch, he shifted her to be fully lying on the bed,(On her back, legs spread-eagled) before moving between her legs.

Lifting her ass, he gave her pussy a lick, which elicited a quiet moan. 'heheheh... Scream for me, babe.' He inserted two fingers, and she knew what was about to happen. Eyes wide, she gave a short, startled gasp before screaming bloody murder as he worked over her g-spot.

'When I'm done... Wesker's going to be deaf and jealous.' Leaning forward, he threw his tongue into the mix, licking and suckling her clit without ceasing his assault within her.

Toes curled, hand gripping the sheets, teeth grit, and eyes rolling into her head, Rebecca thought she'd go insane. He'd made her orgasm four times in the last ten minutes, and she was feeling it. Just when she thought she was going to faint, he stopped. Mind fuzzy, she turned back to look at the man in front of her, panting all the while. 'Huh...?'

Roy unzipped his pants, reaching and shifting the protective cup down, then pulled his throbbing cock from its confines within his shorts. His massive, ten-inch schlong flipped out, smacking against her already-sensitive pussy, making her flinch. As she gaped at his monster, he positioned himself.

"Rebecca... You ready?" She bit her lip, then nodded. Roy pushed, his cockhead entering her love tunnel. "Say, Rebecca. When you remove a band-aid, do you peel it off gently or just rip 'em off?" 'Huh?' Startled, she just answered dumbly. "Rip 'em off. Why?"

"Oh, no reason." Roy then shoved forward, pushing at least eight inches inside of her, ripping clean through her hymen. She jerked once, breathing in sharply. After a moment, she quietly muttered, "Oww..."

"Sorry. You alright?" He leaned forward, gently caressing her breasts. "Y-yeah... just stings a lot... I'll be okay in a minute..." He moved further forward, and kissed her. They stayed like that, for what seemed like an eternity...

"...You can move now... just..." She looked up at him, right into his eyes. "Be gentle.. Okay?" Then she jumped, feeling his cock twitch. Hard. "Umm... What was that?" Roy just grinned in response, then slid backward.

When he was nearly out of her, he stopped and pushed back in, slowly but steadily. During this, he had reached behind her and lifted her shoulders so she could see. When she saw his meat missile pass the six inch mark, her eyes widened, and she was amazed that so much was inside.

Then he pulled back again, to which she moaned again. Smirking, he pressed his length inside of her. Once all ten inches were in, he felt his dick pressed up against her womb.

Rebecca had never before felt so... Full. But it was calming, yet exhilarating. She wanted him to stop moving so slowly and just ravage her. Make her feel so good she passed out. "Roy... Faster. Please," She said, and gasped when she felt his meat monster twitch again, getting even harder.

"If you say so... " He set her back down and grabbed her hips, before slowly pulling nearly all the way out. Without warning, he slammed it back inside, and she orgasmed again. "Ahhn! Ah, ah... M-more..." She moaned. Roy needed no further encouragement, and set about fucking her like the dog he was.

Pumping in and out, in and out, he felt her growning tighter, then stopped. He pulled her up to him, then flipped over so he was lying where she was, with Rebecca on top of him. With a grin, he said, "How bad you want it, babe?"

"H-hard... Give it to me.." "You don't need to tell me twice..." He gripped her hips, and methodically lifted, before pushing them back down, impaling her on his man root. With another five minutes of this, she was ready to gush again. "Ahh... So deep... " 'She's so cute...' Roy sat up, as she wrapped her arms around the back of his neck. Lifting the medic by her ass, he dropped the brunette back onto his cock.

She screamed, right into his ear, as she hit orgasm. (Ow) Chuckling darkly, Roy lifted her back up and repeated this several times, before turning her around, (Without pulling out. Which felt epic...) and laying her back on the bed as he pounded her from behind.

Feeling his own climax approaching, he kept going, and said, "Rebecca... I'm going to cum..." She wasn't thinking much at this point, seeing as her mind had gone completely blank.

When he felt his stomache tighten, his nute clench, he stopped and pulled out, before flipping her around. When Rebecca found herself face-to-head with his cock, she did the only thing she could think of. She latched her mouth onto it, sucking as hard as she could.

"Ngh..." Roy flinched, as he felt the dam burst, his balls twitch repeatedly while he cock throbbed. He blew his load, with Rebecca's mouth clamped over his dick.

She felt a huge spurt of liquid, thick as some sort of fucked up milkshake, shoot into her mouth, hitting the back of her throat. Trying not to choke, she began swallowing the creamy substance.. 'Mmm... It's sweet...'

While she continued sucking, she moved her head back and forth on his fuck-muscle, as it continued spurting down her throat. After thirty seconds of sucking and spewing, he was finished jizzing. She gave one more long, hard suck, then with a Pop! sound, released his still-hard cock. With a gulp, she swallowed a mouthful of the sticky stuff, before looking back up at Roy.

He was surprised she was able to swallow all of it on her first try. Now, he was just trying to control his demonic libido and not fuck her until her mind broke. When she looked into his eyes, she was lucky his dick didn't poke one of hers out when it twitched. With a smile, he leaned forward while pushing her onto her back gently, and said, "You ready to go again?" She nodded.

Then said, "Next time... Cum inside. I want it." Okay, now she was getting fucked into a coma. Damn her for being too cute! Roy pushed his STILL rock-hard cock back into her, the momentary ulta-sensitivity already passed. (I have that problem. I jizz once, but it's not enough. I want to keep going until my balls are satisfyingly empty. However, most girls want to stop after only three or four times. No stamina... Hahahahahahahaaa! Having the stamina of a demon has its ups and downs)

Entering her fully, he began fucking her the way he wanted to; Like a demon. Recently deflowered virgin, or not. She was about to find out what made him the most wanted repeat lover of his time. And why he was called 'The Demon' By the time he was finished, she wouldn't want anyone's cock but his own.

Pumping hard and fast, she was already cumming again, reaching her sixth orgasm. Roy lost count after that. To be honest, Rebecca did too, as she was a bit preoccupied.

After ten minutes of missionary, Roy picked her up, then flipped her over and started again in doggy. Like this, he was able to be a bit rougher, as he wouldn't risk dislocating her hips. Plus her shapely ass provided a cushion. Not to mention his balls weren't slapping painfully against her sweat-covered skin.

Continuing his ravaging of her insides, Roy moved hard and fast, angling her body so his meat was rubbing against her inner wall, specifically where her g-spot was. This ensured she may have been sore, but she was in too much pleasure to notice. But, oh, she was going to notice when she woke up later...

After another forty minutes of fucking Rebecca's nearly-comatose form, Roy had flipped onto his back and put Rebecca on top of him, lifting her up by her hips and thrusting from below. Fe felt his balls getting tight once more, and his gut clenched. That knot at the base of his cock got even tighter, and he grit out, "Rebecca... I'm cumming...!" She simply moaned, and somehow got out, "D-do it... Fill me! Fill me!" Roy needed nothing more.

He pulled her down, pushing his throbbing meat as far as it would go inside of her, and he felt his load shooting into her, some probably into her womb. While his cock pulsed and spewed, Rebecca screamed again, as she felt a wonderful sensation inside of her, causing her to orgasm one last time.

As they both panted, exhausted by their endeavor, Roy wanted to keep going. To fuck her until she stopped moving. But held back... Knowing that she wasn't yet used to his inhuman sex drive. Looking at her face, he saw she was rightly out of it, but not yet unconscience.

After a few minutes of vegetating, she said, "That... was... awesome..." She said, nuzzling his chest. Roy went to pull out, when she said, "Wait... leave it... I like feeling you inside of me..." He didn't argue. He just had to resist the urge to start pounding her again.

But seeing her yawn tiredly, he pulled the blanket from under them and covered them both, before leaning back into the pillows and thinking, 'Wow... Gonna have to go this again on the chopper. Wonder how chickenhearted Brad will take that.' Smirking, he looked at Rebecca, already asleep as she lay upon his chest.

'So damn cute...' He was thinking, as he drifted off into sleep...

SEXUAL CONTENT END

Roy was awoken, roughly, by someone opening the door to the room. The moment his gun clattered to the floor, Roy had reached over and snatched up his SE2, aiming at the figure atanding in the doorway.

"... Huh? Richard?" Richard was standing there, flabbergasted. His jaw was inches from the floor, his gun slack in his arms. "Roy?! You're sleeping with-?!"

"...Huh...?" Rebecca woke up right then, still flush against my chest. I'd put my arm around her when I aimed at the door, keeping the blanket over us both. Richard was still standing there, looking like a moron.

"Yeah... Thanks for waking her up... You can stop staring now, Richard." He facepalmed, shaking his head.

"Really... What the helll... Whatever. Get dressed. We need to talk." I nodded, setting my gun down. Richard stepped into the hall, shutting the door.

Rebecca sat up, the blanket falling off of her, revealing her wonderous breasts. Trying not to get a boner, I failed. As Rebecca jumped a bit, then looked down to where my cock was connected to her, getting harder all the while.

She decided to be a tease, when she spun around, throwing her legs over the edge. Without pulling out, I might say. Then she hopped up, and made a sound like, "Gaherk... Owowowow..." I snickered, knowing she'd be in pain standing up. "Hurts now, huh? Still want it hard?" I chuckled, while she flipped me off as she went about pulling her cothes back on.

I stood, then put my meat monster away. (Didn't need Richard getting that jealous) Stretching, I looked back at her. She was staring at my chest, having stopped pulling her pants on.

"I'll tell you later. First we deal with the boy scout." She nodded, going back to dressing. I pulled my mangled shirt back on, my holster, (Putting my SE2 into it) vest, weapons and other such equipment. I also made sure my bullet proof protactive cup was fully in place. Even if it hurt with my still partially erect trouser snake.

Once we were presentable, (Not really. She had her hair sticking up at an odd angle, and walked bow-legged. Funny as hell, actually) I went over to the door and grabbed my shotgun, reloading and slinging it on my back. Then I pulled the door open, and looked Richard in the eye.

In typical guy fashion, I said, "Yes, we did it. No, I'm not telling you why, how long, what positions, nor am I saying whether or not she is a screamer. Any other important questions?" He had one, I knew it.

"What the hell were you two thinking?!" Of course. He was annoyed that we were fucking around while he was running for his life. Eh, can't blame him.

"Spending time enjoying ourselves since we didn't know if we'd ever get back home to do it. So, you seen Enrico or any of the others?" He was annoyed, of course. But he was a professional, boy scout or not.

"Yes. I met up with all the others except Edward awhile back. You seen him?" Rebecca looked down, guilt and depression showing on her face. I answered. "... Yeah, we did. He didn't make it out of the factory we came here from. A handfull of other survivors went their own ways, so I don't know if they're around or not." Richard nodded, soberly. He knew it hurt to lose a comrade.

Before we got any further, we heard the crackling of a radio. "_Hey! You find anything yet?_" I smirked, knowing that voice.


	32. Chapter 31 Good luck and Godspeed

**Waking Death**

The Nightmare

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid suicidal motherfuckers. **_

#31 And... The nightmare begins anew. However... With a monkeywrench called Roy is thrown into the mix, how will things change?... And what will become of the survivors?... If there are any at all.

Richard pulled his radio to his face. "I found Roy and Rebecca. They're alright. Where do you want to meet up? Over." The radio crackled for a moment, then we heard the unmistakable voice of Forest amidst static. "_How about the medical room? I'll run by Kenneth and pick him up. Over._"

Richard was about to reply back, when I took the radio from him. "Huh? Hey-" I pressed the button, ignoring Richard. "Forest, this is Roy. We'll meet you at the medical room. However, any infected individuals you see along the way, shoot them in the head. If you've put them down with mass fire but not a clean headshot, they'll get back up. Do you copy? Over." Richard was about to snatch the radio back, but paused after he heard what I'd said. 'Headshots?'

Forest's voice came back over the radio before Richard could say anything. "_I copy. Hope you have a good explanation for this, Roy. Over._" "I do. Be careful and stay safe, Forest. Roy out." I handed Richard his radio back, and opened the door. "Richard, take point. Rebecca, center. I'll cover our six." Richard nodded, then checked his gun.

Moving quickly, we moved through the mansion. It was eerily quiet, sans the creaking floorboards beneath our feet. Beyond the one or two zombies I dropped before Richard could waste the ammo, we got to the medical save room without incident. Walking in, I took stock of what was inside. Nothing out of the ordinary. As the other two filed in, I checked my watch. It was 8:29, so we'd spent roughly 13 hours fucking and sleeping. 'Hmm... Guess Alpha should get here sometime between 9:30 and 11. I'll plan accordingly, then...'

Once we were inside, Richard sat on the bed and let out a breath. Rebecca walked over to him, and started looking him over. "I'm fine, Rebecca. None of those things've gotten me yet." She finished her examination before saying anything. "I have to make sure. Edward had only been scratched, but it was killing him." Richard's eyes widened, as she went through the symptoms Edward had from being infected by the dogs.

Just as she was about to tell him how Eddy had died, with a remorseful look on her face, the door opened, and in walked a grinning Forest followed by Kenneth. Once the door was shut, we all went over our experiences from the night before. "...If not for Roy, I'd probably be..." Just before she could tear up, I patted her head. "Just doing my job, Becks. You pulled my ass outta the fire a few times, too." I said with a smile.

Thankfully, Richard had kept his mouth shut about how he found us. That would be... awkward to explain. Anyway, I looke at the others. "Alright, here's what I found at the facility. Wesker, yeah, our captain, was trained by Umbrella. Worse still, he has an ulterior motive. The chopper was sabotaged, as I'm sure you all figured out." This was met with nods, with a bit of a startled look on Richard's face. "Wesker? How's he involved with Umbrella?"

"They're paying him. A lot. In exchange, he gives them information on what the RPD is up to. Beyond that... I'm not sure. Also, switch your radios to secure channel 57." Once Richard and Forest did this, I explained what they could expect from the creatures.

"From here on, you are to always go in pairs. No exceptions. If you get seperated, meet up here within an hour. The zombies are human beings infected with the t-virus; it reanimates dead cells, turning bodies into monsters. Other creatures are mutated, usually into dangerous man-eaters." While skeptical, most of them knew that if the dead were walking, anything could be real. (They were ready for me to tell them santa claus was going to ride in on a unicorn to save all our asses by smiting the living dead with giant fireballs from outta his ass)

I kept going. "Most of them can only be killed by severely damaging the cerebral cord, brain, or removing the head. Basically, for zombies and reanimated creatures, shoot them in the head. Mutated animals die like anything else; just pump 'em full of hot lead." I listed off the creatures I remembered from Resident Evil; Hunters, zombies, web-spinners, cerberuses, crows, snakes, eliminators, and several types of mutated insects.

"Any corpse that doesn't have a bullet hole in its head is a threat. Remember that. I also found that Umbrella has been trying to develop Bio-Organic Weapons. We ran into five of them last night." Now they thought I was talking out of my ass. Idiots. "It's true," Rebecca spoke up, seeing the looks of doubt on their faces. "There was a huge bat, gigantic centipede, and.. some sort of humanoid thing with a big claw for an arm." I smirked. "Don't forget the oversized scorpion."

Richard obviously had doubts. Forest looked puzzled, and I had no clue what Kenneth was thinking. Well, I kept going. "There were three BOW's that I read about. A massive snake, called the Yawn. Based off of a copperhead, it is extremely poisoness. It seemed to have a thing for high, arid places, so be careful if you're going into the attic or the library. Neptune was listed as a failure; A great white that was transported here, and listed to be extremely aggressive, but useless on dry land. Over time, it grew larger than an average specimin, which means it's got to be at least eighteen feet long. If you find a large water tank, come back and get reinforcements. Explosives might be able to take it out. Lastly, there was something off-color." I paused, mainly to take a breath.

"Plant 42. A hybrid of several different types of foliage that happens to be carnivorous. Notes said it had vines that worked like tentacles, and it strangled more than one researcher. See that thing, run. I couldn't find anything on its weaknesses, so I don't know if fire will work. I'm not sure how to get into the laboratory from here, but I'm guessing it might be something like the other mansion."

"And how was the other one set up?" Kenneth spoke up. I never really heard him speak much before, and he had a surprisingly high-pitched voice. "To be a pain in the ass. It was full of really lame puzzles and involved way too much doubling back and forth. Find a key, it gets you another random object to be used as a key. Frankly," I scoffed,

"It was easier to just kick down doors and barge through. They're both designed by the same guy, and both Spencer and Marcus have a thing for intricate and complex puzzles. Neither of 'em got laid much in their time, I tell you." Richard scowled. I wonder why?

"Regardless... How're you guys on ammo?" Richard checked his equipment. (Same as REmake, but he had a vest and holster on his side. Kenneth had an MP5, with plenty of ammo. Forest had his trademark launcher, and an M4) Kenneth simply hefted his MP5, Forest tapped the anno belt on his waist. I was finally answered with a few calls of, "I'm good." "Enough." and "Plenty to spare."

I figured Barry had something to do with it, but I didn't voice that. "Right. ROE. If it's not one of us, shoot it. Semi-auto unless it's something big. For now, I say we clear as much as we can, room-by-room. Rebecca, you stay here and see if you can put some of the medical equipment to use. I'll clear the surrounding rooms. You three work in tandem and clear out as much as you can until it gets completely dark out. Turn on the lights as you go. Don't let each other out of your sight." I knew they wouldn't like this, but oh well.

"Hold on. You're going to work by yourself, yet you said partners only. Why're you-?" I cut him off. His reasoning was too sound, and I preferred to work alone. "Because I've got military training. You three stooges will need to help each other if you run into something nasty. I can handle myself, and will be able to react the fastest if someone needs help. Also, this will make sure at least one person is near Rebecca if someone is hurt or if she's attacked."

"Why would you need someone by her if someone else gets hurt?" Richard was determined. Fucking boy scout. "To escort her safely to the downed man and not risk the medic being hurt on the way to an injurred person, if you cannot bring them to her. This also means if you truly have to, you can send a runner without leaving one person on their own. We also need someone on the original frequency of STARS, for when Alpha gets in range. That's why I'm putting two radios on the same squad."

Taking another breath, I waited for any other objections. Richard was determined to pick apart my arguement. "And what if you get backed into a corner?" I smirked. Rebecca spoke up, right on cue. "He won't. He killed off one of the monsters on his own. Files listed it as a prototype tyrant, the huge guy with the claw. Roy was amazing! He moved so fast he seemed to vanish into thin air, and kicked its ass!" She pumped her arm, so full of enthusiasm. Probably forgot where I sneezed the thing's blood all over her pants.

"When it was over he was covered in blood and the tyrant's head was gone." She briefly (With much enthusiasm and nearly poking our eyes out) described what the thing looked like, and my fight with it. When she was done, I snickered. "You forgot to mention what happened on the elevator. Y'see, I had gotten some blood in my nose, and when I sneezed..." She looked mortified. "Shut up, shut up! That was gross!" I went back to my grinning facade. "You were just saying I looked like a badass angel of death like that. Now you're complaining at the side-effects of it?"

We were completely into our fake-tiff when I heard Richard groan. "Fine! Let's just get moving. And don't start screwing again until we're back in Raccoon!" He said, clearly less than enthused. This got Forest and Kenneth's ears to perk up. "Do what, now?"

Forest was agape, Kenneth then said, "Wait, you two fucked? Here? And here I heard Jill calling you a romantic!" Forest was still shocked. "...You'd better hope Enrico doesn't find out, you two! He's liable to tie you both in chastity belts and tear you a pair of new ones. Not just for the fratternization, but for doing it while on-duty. And Wesker..." He shuddered. "I don't wanna even imagine what he might do."

"I have an inkling... That bastard's had blue balls ever since he had his kid." I was poking fun of the blonde prick once more. "And yes, Richard, we won't have any more wild animal sex until we get back home, Mr Virgin. Besides..." I looked at her. "You're still a bit too sore after that pounding to want more now, yah?"

She'd had a constant blush since the sneeze comment. When Richard brought up our fuckery, she turned tomato red. Now she was... Uh, what's ten shades more red than tomato red? Anyway, she was bright red. There was steam coming off of her face. And out of her ears. "Roy! Not cool! And Richard! come on! Why'd you have to go and tell everyone for?!" Richard was almost as red as Rebecca. The other two went from grinning at me and Rebecca, to grinning at Richard. "Still got your V-card, huh, Richie boy?" Forest was grinning like mad.

And Dick was having none of it. "S-so what?! Just because I'd rather wait until after marriage doesn't mean anything..." I chuckled. "Whatever you say, Good Dick. Stay a virgin; You'll survive this B-movie horror flick. Fuckin' boy scout..." He said nothing just turned and walked out the door. Kenneth joined him, still snickering. Forest looked at me.

"What's with the nickname?" I replied, "Dick is short for Richard. He's a boy scout, and seems like the opposite of Evil Dick, a guy who was on a TV reality show. Besides... It fits." I chuckled again, wondering if they'd survive to get the joke. Oh well, live or die, it'd be funny later on. Forest nodded, then left. I looked at Rebecca...

"Sure you're too sore for a quickie?" I said, with a smirk. She blushed, "J-just get out before I hurt you." She said, with an annoyed-looking smile. "Heheh. Whatever you say, Becca. Stay safe and call me if you need anything." I ruffled her hair, kissed her forehead, then opened the door and walked out. The other three had already gone on ahead, so...

'How to do this... It's nearly dark outside... Alph will arrive sometime soon. I hope those stooges don't die until everyone's here for the party... Hmph. Wesker... I'll make sure you die before I leave tonight. You can count on it.'

_**If Evil Dick ever reads this, yeah, Richard is like your polar opposite. A good-guy boy scout through and through. Horrible shot, and most definately died a virgin to save an idiot who didn't listen to him. B-rated horror movie hero, the kind that at the end of the movie, walks away after the girl he likes/saved kisses him on the cheek and goes back home to fuck her boyfriend's brains out. Kinda like the Chris Redfield in the first game. Anyway... Ahem. **_

_**The first move has been made, and the die is cast. Let us see, how Roy's actions will influence thier futures.**_

_**Good luck and godspeed, you stupid suicidal motherfuckers. **_


	33. Chapter 32 Oh, what now!

**Waking Death**

The Nightmare

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid, suicidal motherfuckers. **_

#32 Alright, this is hour 27 without sleep, so if any of this next part seems a bit off-color, that's why. Wish my eyes would stop burning.__Anyway, they're clearing through the house; killing time until Alpha shows up.

'What in the hell is that guy thinking? Why did he tell the three of us to go together? We'll need the backup if we find any of those things he mentioned, but still. What the fuck is he planning to do if he finds them by himself?' Forest was thinking to himself, unable to understand why Roy had put the three of them on one side, and went on his own to the other. Right after hitting one of the zombies and knocking it over a handrail, he stopped.

'Why did we just go along with his orders in the first place?' This thought... disturbed him, not knowing why they'd agreed without thinking. 'He just seemed to make sense... But logically it makes no sense whatsoever. Something's not right about this... But then again we're fighting the undead. He told us about several things that are supposed to be here, yet he goes off by himself...' "Hey Forest, you in there? C'mon, let's go!" He was forcefully pulled from his thoughts by Richard, who gave him an annoyed look. "Yeah, yeah, I'm coming." Jogging to catch up, he swore to find out what the hell was going on with this freaky mansion.

Back with Roy, he was clearing out all the unlocked rooms he could access from that side of the mansion. Not to mention a few he had "unlocked" with his boot. He always wondered why, in the games, the cast of STARS never just kicked in the doors that were in their way. He could almost, almost understand Jill not kicking them down, but honestly...

You have a gun. You have a lockpick. Shoot the lock of the door a few times, and bam. It's open. Or the hinges, hell, you can open nearly any door with a screwdriver. Such stupidity annoys me... Anyway, I had just about every room I could remember (Which wasn't all that many. I played RE0 a lot more recently than REmake) and was surprised at the number of zombie that were milling about. Perhaps in the games, Bravo had cleared most of the house out...

Regardless. I had started to make my way back to the medical room, when I heard a familiar sound. That ragged panting... Growling and heavy footsteps. I readied my rifle. As the crimsonhead rounded the corner, sniffing the air, it caught sight of me. Its mouth opened and let out an inhuman screech, and it lumbered towards me faster than even the hunters could manage.

As it closed in, I took a breath, then exhaled. 'Aim above your target at this range... One, consistant pull' I squeezed the trigger, and a single shot rang out. The sound of brass clinking along the wooden floor was overshadowed by that of a body hitting the floor. I moved up, and stomped its head to be sure. Then I continued back toward's Rebecca.

'Wonder how he got there...? This whole area was clear of deadheads before I walked out.' I made it three rooms closer, then my radio went off, interrupting my musings. "_Roy! We've have a situation! Get here A-sap! Over._" 'Huh...? The fuck's going on now. Don't tell me those morons pulled a homer already...'

Lifting my radio, I replied back. "Gotcha. I'm on my way. ETA three minutes." I started hauling ass, and was back in two minutes tops. Opening the door, I stepped in and shut it in one motion.

"What is it?" She didn't look at me, instead still collecting bottles and other items from the shelf. "I don't know! They just said one of them was hurt and told me to get over there." I nodded, knowing she didn't see it. "Alright. We'll get there at double time. Let's go before something stupid happens."

I opened the door, and she was by my side within moments. "Where did they say they were?" "The dining room." I lead the way, scanning each room for extra monsters on the way. 'Dining room? Guess that's how the blood gets there...'

We kept moving, taking the fastest route that I could remember. (You'll have to picture it. I'm still looking for a map of REmake mansion)

We got to the door, and I had her opening, me breaching. "Three, two, one, go!" As the threw it open, I stepped inside, searching for threats, and finding three stooges instead. As Rebecca rushed past me, I pulled the door shut.

"Forest! What happened?!" Roy was shocked. Forest was lying in a pool of his own blood. 'Huh... Odd he's still breathing. That's at least two and a half pints,' Roy noted, as Rebecca started pulling Forest's shirt off to see his injuries.

"Oh my god..." Aw, shit. Never a good thing to hear the medic say that. I walked over, and knelt by Rebecca. When I saw what she had, I whistled. "Well, you're either the luckiest sonofabitch alive, or the unluckiest. Depends on how you see it." Forest gave me a half-hearted glare. Least he didn't flip me off.

"So what happened?" He didn't say anything for a moment, then he croaked out, "Dunno.. Wadn't payin attention... Den shumptin hit me... Din see wot... Hurtsh like a bish..." Yeah, he was out of it. From blood loss or something else, I wasn't sure. While Rebecca worked, using a first aid spray and several pakcets of some kind of paste wrought from herbs, she had me lift his shoulders so she could bandage his midrift, where he'd been clawed.

I looked at the other two. "Either of you see a short green bastard run by?" They both shook their heads. "Figures. You see anything out of the ordinary?"

"Out of the ordinary? We're being attacked by the dead! I'm pretty sure that counts!" Well... Not the reaction I'd expect from Kenneth, but eh. I sighed. "Nevermind. I'll deal with it when it comes back, then." Richard's eyes bugged out of his head.

"Comes back?! Whattaya mean, when it comes back?!" Moron. "It attacked him, then ran off when it heard you two coming. Mean's it's the type to only fight when it has the advantage. A predator. It sees us as prey, and it's got to be hungry. So it'll come back when it catches one of us alone." My logic didn't seem to help much, as his face went a shade paler. Rebecca gulped, but kept working.

"Rebecca, how's it coming?" She looked up, wiping a little sweat from her forehead. "He should be alright... But I'm not sure. I gave him a dose of morphine and stopped the bleeding as best I can, but the rest is up to his body." Richard perked up at this. "Is there anything we can do?" She shook her head.

"I'm not a surgeon. I can't stich his organs back together, and stiching the skin could lead to an infection. Bandaging the wound and applying antiseptic is all I can do safely. We have to count on Alpha and get him to a hospital." She said morosely, probably sad that she couldn't miraculously save him. I stood back up. "Alright. Let's get him back to the med room. You two," I motioned to Kenneth and Richard.

"Will continue clearing the house once we have Forest in a secure area. Once that's done, we'll hunt for the thing that attacked him. I don't know what did it, but I'm guessing a hunter. If anyone finds it, radio its location, and we'll hit it in a pincer attack. Kenneth, take Forest's radio. Richard, leave yours on the standard fequency for Alpha. Let's move, people."

I picked up Forest in a bridal carry, (Since his gut was mawed, I didn't want to put pressure on it) and hauled his candy ass back to the medical room with Richard leading, Kenneth on our six, and Rebecca on my heels.

We'd made it four rooms, then we heard something. A soft, but incessant growling. Using my right hand, I pulled out my handgun, and relied on only my left to hold Forest, since we'd tied his arm around the back of my neck as well. I flicked on my taclight, and aimed towards where I'd heard the sound, while the others were freaking out. A lot.

I was looking down an unlit hallway, which I distincly remember being lit up when I'd been on my way to the dining hall. With my taclight tearing away at the darkness within, I saw...

Well, nothing. A shadow had ducked around the corner at the far end at the last second, and had ran off. Fuck. It was stalking us. Waiting to cut one from the flock. I said, "Well... Looks like it won't be too difficult hunting that thing down after all. It's coming to us." Kenneth looked like he was about to piss himself. I said, "Ken, just keep calm and listen. Say something if you hear or see anything out of place and I'll deal with it. Now let's keep moving. It's following the scent of blood."

Richard gulped, then steeled himself. He started moving forward again, albeit with a much more cautious nature. Rebecca had hugged tightly to my back, shivvering a little. I let her be, as we'd come across much worse in the other facility. As Dick opened the door and stapped through, we all moved with a bit more haste to catch up to him.

When we finally made it back to the medical room, everyone seemed to let out a sigh of relief. I set Forest on the bed, glad to have his fat ass of my back. After rotating my shoulder, I holstered my handgun and reshouldered my rifle. I then went over the plan with the others. "Right. Same as before. Rebecca, stay here with Forest. Keep the door locked unless it's one of for the radio, we'll contact you when we're on our way." I moved back to the door.

"Richard, Kenneth. You two'll work together and search. Be careful. This thing's smarter than you think. It shuts off the lights on purpose, so it can either see in the dark or doesn't rely on its eyes." Richard looked at me. "Uh, why're we trying to clear out the whole house, anyway?"

"So when Alpha gets here, they won't have to fight thier way to us. They'll just follow the trail of bodies. Besides... Outside is a killzone full of dogs, webspinners, and a good number of hunters. I'd rather make this place safe and have the chopper land on the roof. Then we ride outta here in style." They didn't like the plan... But they knew better than to try to convince me to sit on my ass while there was a creature that'd cut the lights and kill us in the dark roaming about.

As we stepped out the door, we steeled ourselves for what we'd be hunting. The darkness itself...

'The hunt begins...'

_**The darkness within... Ah, but whom are you referring to? For the darkest thing within that house of horrors... Is your heart. **_


	34. Chapter 33 Within Darkness

**Waking Death**

The Nightmare

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid, suicidal motherfuckers. **_

#33 Hmm... A heart, black as sin. A mind, constantly aswirl with plots and schemes. A will of iron, and a soul of steel. And a plan... As evil as Lucifer himself. But... of whom do I speak? Wesker... Or Roy?

As we split up, I waited for Richard and Kenneth to move a good thirty feet away, before I followed them. I intended to use them as bait to draw out the creature. 'The hunter... Has become the hunted.'

As I followed, I kept a discreet distance, shadowing them without them knowing of my presence. I wanted to make sure they didn't get killed, but I didn't want to scare of my quarry. If it sensed me, it would run. Animals know a predator when they see one.

It was a good thirty minutes, but it finally showed itself. While Richard and Ken were about to open a door and leave a relatively large room, the lights went out. I closed my eyes for a moment, and let them adjust to the darkness. 'Hmm... It scares its prey before striking. That, or it's nocturnal.' I waited.

Within moments, we heard the growling. Richard turned towards where he thought it was, flicking on his flashlight. "W-what was that?! Why'd the lights to out?" He sounded scared. 'Fuck... You're looking the wrong way, idiot. Turn to the left... LEFT!' I urged him mentally.

Ken was fumbling with his light, but after a moment, he got it, and aimed it in the direction I figured the thing would be. What a surprise, there it was. Ten feet away, creeping forward. It was a hunter, but slightly smaller than normal. And its scales were black, claws a faint pinkish color. It eyes, though... They were human, and gave a reddish reflection from the light.

It screeched, and turned and dashed away. I was raising my rifle when the two idiots gave chase. "After it!" Morons... It was leading them into a dark area, where it could see and they couldn't. I moved behind them, still staying stealthy.

They ran after it through five rooms. Then they lost it. I was fuming, since they couldn't just shoot it while it ran. But I remained where I was. They soon left the room, and after they had, I stepped through and shut the door quietly. I wanted to test something.

After five minutes, I found out I was right. The door handle next to me turned, and I softly side-stepped further right. Then the door opened fully, and the pint-sized hunter stepped inside, kicking the door shut. It moved forward, not noticing me. I decided to make my presence known...

(Believe it or not, most all animals have a "Sixth sense" that people refer to as instinct or gut feeling. Humans included. Prey especially have such a sense, as it alerts them to predators nearby. It's not been proven exactly, but as observed, it is apparently the mind's subconscience absorbing information from all five senses and sends a message to your brain, telling you that something ominous is afoot, and that they should be afraid.

In humans, we subconsciencely read body language. It's why when someone is angry, others unconsciencely move away from them, especially if it's someone who gives off 'predator' vibes. While many may not believe this, but when a something has true killing intent, nearly all creatures that notice it. Humans especially so, because they are one of the few things that kill in anger. This normally requires the one on the recieving end to see the person, for them to read their body language.

However... It doesn't always need that. Sometimes, though infrequent, one can sense another's presence through their body mass, with the impact their feet have on the ground. This is what gave my presence away in this instance, and made the hunter to learn true fear.)

I unmasked my anger, which is simply unfocusing on controlling my emotions. Since anger is the strongest one, it makes my own killing intent extremely obvious, as well as potent enough to strike fear in others. It's basically a psyche-out, but it's overwhelmingly effective.

As the shadow hunter, (Just my nickname for it) suddenly stopped, noticing something behind its back, it slowly turned around, teeth bared and claws raised.

That's when it took notice of exactly what was behind it. A predator; me. It sensed my anger, my killing intent. (Or KI. Just a nickname for it) It balked, fear taking over its hunger. Any creature, when afraid, turns wild and goes into a frenzy trying to escape.

But when an animal is so afraid of what's in front of them, they become pretrified, paralyzed with fear. Like a deer in headlights, or a squirrel in front of a semi. This is what occurred with the so-called hunter. 'Ultimate predator...? My ass.' I reached forward, and grabbed the thing's shoulder.

"Know fear, little one. Know the name red death..." I said, feeling theatrical, as I pulled out my knife. It hadn't moved an inch. Just as I reached back, the thing's survival instinct kicked in. It was about to raise its arm to slash at me, but I squeezed and twisted, dislocating its shoulder, possibly breaking its joint. I wasn't sure, as I plunged my knife into its head.

It's other arm stopped, falling harmlessly before it could lash at my throat. I may be strong, but no mortal human can survive having their wing pipe and jugular slashed. I ripped my knife out of the dead creature, and it fell to the floor, dead. I wiped the blood off my knife and resheathed it, before moving to catch up with the others.

I came upon them, looking like children watching a horror film. I called out, "Boo!" feeling like being a dick. It worked, and they both jumped, and one of them screamed like a little girl. I wasn't sure which one, though.

"Roy! You asshole! What was that for?!" I chuckled. "Shits and giggles. I killed the thing, so we're alright for now. Unless there's another one, of course. Man, you two need to lighten up. If you give in to fear, you've lost already. Now c'mon, let's go save danger-prone Rebecca." I said, walking past them. They stared after me for a moment, before falling into step behind me.

Meanwhile... While this was occurring, Rebecca was sitting in the med room, sitting by Forest and feeling helpless. 'I know he's just trying to keep me out of harm's way but he doesn't have to stick me in a corner like I'm wearing a dunce cap...' She sulked, still wondering what she could do to keep herself occupied, and productive.

'Forest's condition has stabalized, for the most part. He might die if he doesn't get help soon... Please be okay Forest... I don't want to see anyone else die tonight...' She thought, "I hope the others are alright..."

Forest spoke up, surprising her, as she'd thought he had passed out. "I'm sure they're just fine... I know you weren't lying about Roy earlier.. He wouldn't let himself die in a place like this. And he surely won't let any of the others get hurt. He wants to make sure we all get out alive..." Forest started coughing weakly, as he couldn't move much due to blood loss.

"Ah, don't talk... Just try to rest..." She tried to get him to stay still, less he risk reopening his injuries. Then they heard a knock at the door.

Thankfull that the others were back, she hoped it was Roy. He always seemed to make her feel better, give her courage, someway somehow...

As she stood up and walked towards the door, the knocking became more incessant, imperative. She got there, saying, "Alright, already. Geeze, just lemme get the door..." She grabbed the handle, and was mid-turn when she remembered what Roy had said. _"Do not, under any circumstances, open this door unless it's one of us."_

It was too late, and she'd opened the door already. She raised her gun, aiming through the doorway, and steeled herself for the gruesome, horrifying sight of...

...Nothing. There was no one there, neither man nor monster. She turned on the flashlight affixed to her MP5, and sweeped it back and forth, searching for whatever had knocked on the door. Seeing nothing, she shut the door softly, reassured by the satisfying click of the lock. Turning around, she looked around the room, and saw not a thing out of place.

Rebecca walked back over to Forest, as he started coughing again. The moment he finished, he looked behind Rebecca, with a look of growing horror on his face.

"Rebecca... *Cough* Why's.. The door open...?" Rebecca was perplexed, puzzled, then surprised, and finally horrified, in that order. (And in under two seconds. Amazing how fast she goes through emotions) She spun around, raising her gun, just as the light clicked off.

She swallowed, her mouth dry and throat cracked. Her voice wouldn't come out, much as she tried. She'd never in her life been this afraid for her life before, as she fumbled for the light on her gun.

Unable to get her muscles to act the way she wanted them to, she simply could not get her fingers to manipulate the switch. Fear turned to panic, and panic mophed into hysteria. After a few moments, she realised she'd stopped breathing. 'Ohmygod whatdoIdo?! I can't move! Come on! Move damn it! Do you want to die?!'

This had occurred in under seven seconds, and she was still freaking out like all get-out when she heard Forest behind her. "Rebecca! Run...! Get out of here! Go...!" Her legs finally moved, she moved to the right, then dashed forward, straight for the door. She had gotten five feet forward, when something big, heavy, and unseen struck her across her midrift, sending her flying backward. As she landed, hard on her ass, no less, she heard a familiar sound, though she could not place it. After that, everything went white...

I'd hauled ass back to the med room, having a nasty feeling in the pit of my stomache that something seriously bad was about to happen. So I hauled my fat ass all the way there, with Ken and Dick trailling after me a good ten feet. When I gpt the the med room, I saw the door was open, and it was dark inside.

'Fuck!' Fearing the worst, and hoping for anything but, I slammed my back against the wall next to the doorway, and reached into my asspack and grabbed the one thing that would stop that creature in its tracks...

Pulling the flashbang out, I plicked the pin out with my thumb and chucked it into the room. I prepared myself for the crucial moments that would ensure.

'Five... Four... Three...Two...One...' As it went off, I turned and entered, raising my rifle and turning on my light.

When I stepped inside, just as time seemed to slow down as it always did when something managed to make me panic, I saw what was happening. Rebecca was lying on the floor, the shadow hunter was mid-lunge when the flash went off, blinding and disorienting it. Rebecca was on the floor, covering her eyes, not moving. Forest was lying on the bed, clutching his side. It was bleeding, and it seemed he had been trying to get up to help Rebecca.

I took all that in, within a tenth of a second. I aimed, fired. Hitting the reptile's legs. It went down, nothing supporting its weight. Before it had hit the floor, I shifted my aim and fired again, the round going right through its left eye. By the time it hit the floor...

...It was already dead. I followed through, moving towards it and putting a double-tap in the back of its head. Once that was done, I safetied my gun and made my way to Rebecca.

...Everything was a pure, bright white. It seemed I'd gone deaf, with my ears ringing, hurting like someone had driven an ice pick through them. I thought this is what Hellen Keller felt like, blind and deaf to the world, knowing nothing but pain... When I felt something touch my shoulders, and lift me up. No, not something. Someone lifted me into their arms, and thankfully, everything went dark.

Finally, a good two minutes after I'd got there, Ken and Dick (Ha ha! A joke on Ken dolls. They have no dicks) arrived, both of them panting and out of breath, weapons raised. One of them flicked the light switch, and we could all see.

The hunter was on the floor, several bullet holes riddling its corpse. I was kneeling, Rebecca in my arms, checking for injuries. 'Thank god, satan, or whomsoever gave me the speed and skill to get here and save her...'

Both of them saw me, with her in my arms, and Forest, lying on the bed cussing a blue streak. I motioned to the prostrate member or Bravo and said, "Take care of him. Becky's fine, she just fainted." They moved, Kenneth closing the door and Richard going to Forest's side.

I laid Rebecca on the floor, and gently patted her face. After a few moments of this, she opened her eyes, and looked up at me...

"Roy... You're late." I grinned. "The hero always shows up at the last possible second and saves everyone's ass. You okay?" She nodded, and started to sit up. As she did, she flinched, and clutched her midrift. Seeing this, I said, "Take it off and lemme have a look." She looked up at me once more, with the slightest spark of desire in her eyes...

..."I'm not doing that in front of them." I smirked. "I just need to make sure you're not bleeding internally. So c'mon, lemme see." After a moment of silence, and a very deep blush, she relented. I reached around her side and gently undid the velcro of her vest, and unsnapped the clips that kept it in place. Once I had, I pulled it up and over her head, placing it on the floor.

Seeing it, I thought, 'Damn... She's lucky she had those magazines in the pouches. They stopped the claws from cutting into the vest...' I didn't say as much. Didn't need to tell her how close to death she had come. I lifted the bottom of her shirt, and looked at the nice shiner she'd gotten. Her stomache was starting to turn slightly purple, which goes to show how much force those hunters could swing their arms. Even with the vest and ammo, that thing had given her a nasty bruise that would be the color of a plum within the hour.

I sighed, and reached into the pouch on her belt that had the herb paste she'd concocted for fixing most injuries. She looked down at the forming bruise on her gut, and grimaced. I was guessing that it hurt a lot more now than it had a few minutes ago, since it had to be throbbing with her heartbeat. I took one of the small packets and removed one of my gloves. Opening the packet of mixed herbs, I dumped its contents into my ungloved hand, and spat a good amount of saliva onto it.

'Even though it's the standard protocol to make a paste and rub it over the injury... I still prefer to just ingest them and wait for the effects.' Rebecca though, trying to ignore the odd sensation as Roy rubbed the textured substance on her stomache. Although, to be fair, where he rubbed the stuff into her skin it stuopped aching, and was replaced with a gentle warming sensation. It was soothing, and she didn't notice that she was relaxing. Apparently, she had started purring, which had caught the other's attention.

Roy just smirked, and kept working. Kenneth, Richard, and even Forest were staring at her. Rebecca finally noticed that she'd been purring quietly as Roy worked. As the other three stared at her, Richard voiced their question. "Uh... Rebecca... What're you doing?"

"N-nothing! It just felt really good when the pain stopped and..." Richard was shaking his head. Kenneth had a smile on his face, one of a friend that knows his friend had found a lover. And Forest was staring in shock. "Uh, you were purring Rebecca. And here I thought Leon was making a joke when he referred to you as kitten..." That statement caused Rebecca to do a very good imitation of a tomato. (Hah. Another homage to a good fic)

All the while, Roy just kept working the herbal mix onto her bruised midrift, not saying a word. After hearing Forest's offhand comment, Roy spoke up. "Well... Guess I'll add that to your growing list of pet nicknames, Becks. Kitten. Huh... It fits." She then pulled her shirt back down, with my hand still on her stomache.

(with much annoyance, and veinpop) "Just remember that this kitten still has claws." Aww... So cute! "Oh? Is that anything to say while purring from having your belly rubbed?" I said, smirking up a storm. I ducked backward, dodging the swipe she took at me with an annoyed grin on her face. I chuckled, standing up. I offered her my hand.

Annoyed or not, she took it. I picked up her vest and motioned her to turn around. After a moment of reluctance, she did so. As I slipped it over her head, I stepped close, and gave her a discreet hug. "...I'm glad you're alright. I don't know what I might've done if i'd been too late..." I whispered into her ear, as I fastened the sides of her vest.

"Roy... Thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you... So please don't put yourself in danger." She mumbled back, and once more, I was thankful for the protective cup I was wearing. (It hid my growing arousal from the others. And kept my man-root safe, of course) I finished snapping the clips into place, then stepped back. She turned around, and continued checking the magazines on her vest. That's when she, along with the other two morons, saw the tears in it.

"Oh my god... " She said, seeing what the hunter had done to her vest. Well, now she knew what Roy had meant when he said having the magazines on the front of your vest added an extra layer of defense. The three stooges gaped at her, and now knew better than to ever get close to a hunter again.

"Geeze... Guess you got lucky.." Kenneth said, seeing the slashes. Richard said nothing, but Forest stated, "Guess I got lucky too... I'm still *Cough, hack* ...Breathing..."

The moment he started talking, Rebecca walked back over to him and looked over his bandages. After she was sure he hadn't reopened his injuries, I looked at my watch. 10:57

'Alpha should be here soon... Wonder what time they'll be here exactly.' I said, "Alright, everyone take a knee and rest up. We'll wait and see if Alpha gets here within the hour, if not then we'll sleep in shifts." I pulled out my last MRE. "If you've got any food, now's the time to chow down. If any of you want this, say so now or forever listen to the growling of your gut."

As if on cue, both Ken and Dick's stomache's growled. What a couple'a stooges. I tossed the meal to them, and sat down. While they bickered good-naturedly, Rebecca sat down next to me and leaned her head on my shoulder. Richard and Kenneth both went through their possessions searching for food. They both pulled out various uneaten packages from MRE's, and gathered them together.

While they figured out who would get what, I noticed Forest start snoring quietly. Well, with a half-mauled gut, I figured he wouldn't be very hungry. The morphine must be doing wonders, since he was actually asleep. With a wound like that...

... Yeah, I pegged his survival somewhere around the negative thirties... The T-virus with working its way into him, as he was uncomfortable, but not in debilitating pain. Unless Rebecca gave him half a pint of pain-killers, that's not natural. I wondered if he'd survive until morning...

Well, I wasn't carrying him, regardless. Let the others do that. If they lived, that is... I wondered if I should change the fabric of RE altogether by keeping them all alive...

Eh, I didn't think much on it. Rebecca had put her hand on my leg and was rubbing slowly. I put my arm around her shoulders, and hummed an old melody I'd had in my head for years...

I could tell that her eyelids were getting heavy, so I pulled her onto my lap and laid her head on my shoulder so she could sleep. I hadn't given her a chance to protest, and before you knew it, she had curled up on me and fallen asleep as I leaned my back against the wall.

Kenneth noticed the way we were situated; her asleep on top of me as I sat there with a quiet, reflective look on my face while humming an old wordless song. He smiled, and turned back to thier meal, wanting not to disturb our moment.

While I sat, watching and waiting, thinking of nothing, thinking of everything. Just being. It's zen, man. Existing and taking everything in, without missing a beat.

Anyway... I pondered on what I would do next... Since Alpha should show up any minute.

'How shall I deal with the STARS cast...? The same way as with Zero's, or shall I skip all the bullshit...?'

... _'No. Chris and Jill need to go through this; They need to experience terror, in its purest form to become the best of the BSAA. To become able to stay strong, to stop Wesker and bio-terrorism in the future. I'll just... help things along, from the background. Push them in the right direction. And should they need it, I'll give em a shove. Guess I'll play the guardian angel with a high-powered rifle... You better put your affairs in order, Wesker. Cuz when I get my hands on you... __**You'll know why they called me the Demon, and you shall learn to fear the name Red Death**__.'_

_**"**_Out of the night that covers me, black as the Pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance,  
I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance,  
my head is bloody, but unbowed._**" -Invictus**_

_**"Lost, in the hollow halls of my soul, I can no longer see through the shadows. Yet still, one foot in front of the other, I searched the darkness within my heart, and found my purpose. The sole reason I exist, is to protect those who made me feel alive. This, is my resolve... And I shall never yield." This... Is my creed.**_


	35. Chapter 34 A Hero Emerges!

**Waking Death**

The Nightmare

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid, suicidal motherfuckers. **_

#34 Things are going well for Roy; He's had a close encounter with his old friend Death, and walked away with his friend's life intact. But the reaper demands sacrifices... and tonight, he shall eat his fill.

We stayed liked that for a long time... probably thirty minutes or so. But regardless, it was a good while. Once it was around 11:30, I lifted Rebecca off of my lap, and laid her on the floor. I stood up, cracked my neck, rolled my shoulders, and went to the door.

"I'm going to go wait in the foyer for Alpha team. When they get here, I'll explain the situation." I opened the door, and was about to step into the darkness.

"...And let Rebecca sleep until you absolutely need her up and about. I'll see y'all around." I stepped out, knowing they'd heard me. I left, leaving nothing but footsteps and shadows in my wake. I didn't bother with my taclight, as I could see perfectly well. I turned on the lights I could see along the way.

When I made it to the dining room, I walked over to the double doors, and went through. As I walked in, I was greeted by a familiar sight. Chris, Jill, Barry, and of course, ruining the picture, was Wesker, standing there with a scowl.

"Roy! You're alright!" Barry greeted, looking relieved, but still tense. I grinned. "Hah! You didn't think the dead could keep me down for long, didja? Huh? Where's Joeseph?" I saw morbid looks on Chris and Jill's faces.

"...Please..." I closed my eyes, looking downward slightly, giving the semblance of extreme annoyance, along with pleading overtones. "...Please, tell me he turned into a dickless chickenshit and jumped on the chopped with Brad..."

Not a single smirk. Yeah... Joeseph still died in the first five minutes of Alpha landing. Fuck me.

"...Fuck." That surmised everyone's feelings right about now. Except Wesker, of course. "That's just lovely... Well, Here's the basics." I started to lay out what I knew. Also decided to be a dick to Wesker.

"Wesker, you're fired. As of now, I'm taking over for the safety of the team." He opened his mouth. Before he could retort, I decked him. Hard. As in, I broke his nose. "THAT, is for sending us in with a recon setup against fifty-plus hostiles! You knew damn well there were more than ten or twenty! As of right now, I am relieving you of command. From here on, you are to remain in this room and wait to see if Joeseph pulls a Forest and miraculously survives."

He was shocked, mostly because of how hard I'd hit him. If I didn't know better, I'd say he was seeing stars. I kept up before he could start shit. "I don't give a damn if you don't like it, but I'm getting everyone out of here alive. Now be good and don't piss me off. You're getting the safest job there is, so sit on that stair right there," I pointed to the first few steps. "And glue your ass to it. If I find you not in here or have moved so much as an inch," I stepped nice and close. Mostly so he could smell the blood that was still stuck to me.

"I will carve the names of STARS into your fucking skull. Do I make myself clear?" My tone was that of a hardened killer. Emotionless, but with inflection. Hard as flint, unwavering, and promises to follow through no matter how impossible a threat it may seem. (Very possible. I've very good at engraving, since I used to do custom knife-, sword-, and gunsmithing)

He knew I would toss his ass outside right then and there if he disagreed, especially since I had at least Barry on my side garunteed. So reluctantly, with a glare that promised payback, he sat on the stairs. And said, "I'll have your badge when we get back. I hope you know that." I looked at him.

"You can have my balls in your mouth as far as I care. We get back, I'll give you whatever you want. Wherever you want it. And if we survive, you'll be going to court for hiding important mission details from your team, and for endangering them. As well, you'll be held responsible for their deaths." I walked over to him, with my hand in my pocket, reaching for something.

I grabbed his hand, and slammed Edward's name patch into it. (It was the sew-on type, so it was cloth) "His death is on YOUR head. Forest has both feet in the grave already. If anyone else dies tonight..."

I leaned close. "You won't have to worry about going back. I'll feed you to those things outside, piece by mother-fucking piece. Remember that." I stood back up, and turned back to the others. "Right. We're working in pairs. Jill, go with Barry and check out the dining room. My team has cleared out most of that area, but exercise extreme caution. Those things can only be killed with a clean headshot. Otherwise, they'll get back up. Meaner, stronger, and a helluva lot faster." I pointed to the double doors leading to the dining room. They both nodded, and left. Likely wanting to be away from me and out of range of my anger. And my KI, as it must've been strong to make Wesker blink.

"Chris, you're with me. Let's clear this other room. And Wesker," I called back, "Don't go anywhere. I'd hate to lose you all over again..." (I said that last bit in a voice reminiscent of Marcus Fenix, via Gears of War. I don't own it, but I'm a thorough gears fan, and cannot wait for judgement) As I yelled back with a voice laced with sarcasm, I walked through the door, and shut it as Chris walked in.

Chris was shocked that I was so against Wesker. Well, he'd learn. Once we were far enough into the room, I pulled Chris close to me. "Listen, Wesker's corrupt as Irons. I don't know what he's planning, but it's something seriously fucked up. We'll regroup with the others and figure out what to do in a bit. You got your radio?" He nodded. "But I've known wesker for years. And he's your uncle! How can you say he's that bad?!" I sighed.

"Look, Red. My family's fubar. I'll leave it at that. Wesker was trained by Umbrella. He works for them, and sends reports of what the RPD is doing to them. He has all of us out here for a reason, and I need to figure out what it is. Right now, I just need to get everyone out of here alive. You know where Brad is?"

He nodded again. "Yeah. That son of a bitch took off with the chopper before we could get back to it. He's probably back in Raccoon right now... Chicken." I smirked.

"No. He's a chickenhearted moron, but he's loyal. If I know him... He's probably circling the area in the chopper looking for us."

At that moment in time...

An extremely scared Brad was flying the chopper in circles above Raccoon forest, looking for his team. "Guys? Guys?! C'mon, you're really scaring me! i'm sorry I left without you. Come on, someone pick up. Hello? Guys...?"

Back with Roy...

"...Yeah right." Chris had no doubt that Brad was somewhere drinking away his memory of STARS. Fucker.

"Well, anyway... Set your radio to channel 57." I whispered, real close so only he would hear is wesker was listening from the door. While he did that, I pulled my radio from my belt. "Barry, this is Roy. You there? Over."

"_Yeah, I hear you. And you were right... Wesker did say something off-color to me. I'll tell you about it... in person. You with Chris? Over._"

"Yeah. We're clearing the room opposite the dining hall. If you see a knight crest, there's a place for it above the mantle in that room. For now, stick close to Jill. And if either of you find a room made of marble, get the hell out of it but-quick. It's a trap where the ceiling falls on you and the door auto-locks. Also, if you find a pool of blood in there, it's Forest's. He's alright, but I dunno if he'll live. He's with the others now. Over."

"_Others? Well where're they? And why aren't you with them? Over._"

"To see if you all got here safely when you arrived. And to make sure Wesker didn't have someone go with him. Once I've cleared this, I'll take you all to regroup with the others. Hold up in the dining room for now. And have Jill switch to this channel. Over."

"_Alright, if you say so. Over and out._"

I turned back to Chris. "Let's get this over with. Grab that thing up on the statue, I'll check that back area."

He set to move the table and get the map, while I went into the back and picked up the small dagger. 'Shitty, but useful. Wonder if Chris can use this?'

I turned around, and took two steps. Then the zombie lumbered around the corner. I gave him a kick in the chest, which knocked him into the wall, then I flipped the dagger and slung it at his head. It connected with a dull Thwack! And the hilt could be seen sticking out of his eye. '...Well, I can use it better' I thought, and walked back out. Chris had the map in hand, and observed my handiwork.

"Nice throw." I shrugged. "Not really. He wasn't but five feet away. Lemme check the other door and then we'll catch up with what's left of Bravo." I walked over to the door, pulling up my shotgun and checking the chamber.

Once I had, I got myself ready, and with an almighty kick, knocked down the wooden door. Within moments, the dogs inside turned and charged towards me. They didn't get far. First shot dropped the first cerberus, the second shot winged the next one, and the third put him down. The third one gave a great leap and lunged towards me. It was no more than three feet away when I pulled the trigger a third time. "Play dead, motherfucker!" I shouted, and racked the gun.

Seeing no more, I harrumphed, then reloaded. Turning back, it was now Chris giving me odd looks because of my bravado. "When you're in the zone, you can't resist. Now c'mon, before they get suspicious of gunshots."

We walked back into the foyer, and surprise surprise.

Wesker was still sitting there. Looking bored I might add. I walked past him without a second glance. Chris hurried to catch up to me. We entered the dining room, and I found Barry still kneeling by the pool of blood. Jill was standing next to him, looking tensely at the door nearest her.

'Wonder if she encountered the first zombie...?' I walked over, then called back, "C'mon, let's go. We're burning daylight here." They all moved behind me as I opened the door, before Chris said, "Wait. It's already dark. How're we...?" I gave him a look I learned from a martial arts master.

It screams 'don't ruin the moment. Your stupidity annoys me.' Anyway, I opened the door and stepped through. While leading them back to the med room, I started to sing, "On the road again..." which earned a glare from all three of them. Eh, can't win for losing.

_**Sorry, only half a chapter here, but I've got more pressing concerns... Like the breasts that are pressed up against my back at this very moment. I'll continue writing again tomorrow... Or the next day... Or the next... Okay, how about whenever my dick gets sucked dry? Fair enough? Good. You don't like it, line up and give the girl a hand. The more the merrier. Guys, you just... Well, hope they do their job quickly and efficiently.**_

_**And so, with their dicks in their hands, our heroes moved onward, ignorant of their impending doom...**_

_**"Lost, in the hollow halls of my soul, I can no longer see through the shadows. Yet still, one foot in front of the other, I searched the darkness within my heart, and found my purpose. The sole reason I exist, is to protect those who made me feel alive. This, is my resolve... And I shall never yield." This... Is my creed.**_

_**"Wait in the light, my friends... I shall join you shortly... As soon as I make sure it's damn crowded in hell when I get there... And.. I'm sorry. For everything..." -Last testament of one of the greatest fightersrs of her generation... And my dear friend.**_


	36. Chapter 35 The Heroes Unite!

**Waking Death**

The Nightmare

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid, suicidal motherfuckers. **_

#36 Back on track. We return to our heroes within the Spencer mansion, the original horror story. Let us see how everyone does when they meet up... And finds out just how fucked they truly are.

As I lead Chris, Barry and Jill to the medical room, with me singing my own little rendition of Bad Company, to which they groaned and tried to ignore, I made sure we saw and stepped quite close to the bodies of several zombies and one of the shadow hunters. Jill openly crigned at the sight of so many dead, while Chris made a half-assed effort to cover his disgust. Barry seemed unfazed.

Well, anyway, a few minutes and three songs later, we made it. As I opened the door, I was blindsided by a certain petite, overjoyed brunette medic. Who blushed at seeing the others following me inside. Clearing my throat at their collective expressions of disapproval, I motioned them in.

Once we were all settled and reunions over with, we all sat down and got to business. Which is where I explained everything to the three fresh characters that I had to the others. Once that was out of the way, (You can refer to previous chapters to find out what exactly they'd been told) I divvied up the supplies we had. Chris and Jill both had M4's, due to their military service. Barry had an AK74m, like Enrico.

They had all they needed, so I wasn't worried. I told them what we were looking for. "A way into the laborabtory underneath this mansion. From there, we can find out what the hell's going on. After that, we'll make our way to the roof and send up a flare to signal Brad. Then we'll get the hell outta here. Questions?"

Of course, I got a few. "Why don't we go straight to the roof and get to the chopper?" Jill, obviously. "Because there's something fucked up going on, and I'd rather find out what it is. If for nothing else, than blackmail and evidence against Umbrella. Insurance, ya?" She gave a tentative nod, but seemed to just want to go home. The others, save Rebecca, agreed.

"What about Forest?" She was determined to get the hell outta dodge.

I looked over at him, to make sure he was asleep. Then I leaned closer to the others, speaking softly. "We need to wait several hours regardless. If he's infected with the T-virus, we cannot risk taking him out of here. If the virus infects just one person in Raccoon, we'll have a full-on outbreak within weeks. It takes roughly six hours for symptoms to show, and if they do... I don't know. We'll cross that bridge if we come to it. For now, we wait. And pray." Looking solemn, I made my point. Then I looked back to them.

"If we make it outta here, Umbrella will find out. This is their research center, and the shit they've done goes way beyond basic felonies. This is a multi-billion dollar corporation we're talking about. They've conducted human experimentation in massive quantities, and created biological weaponry. They won't hesitate to try to kill us to cover up their dirty secrets. If we can find hard evidence of their corruption, then we can make sure they get shut down for good." Well, this got them to go with it, at least in appearance.

Time to move onto more important tactical matters. I decided to break who we had into pairs.

"We'll break up into four units. Richard, Kenneth, you two will work together again. Jill, I want you with Barry. Chris, you're with me. Rebecca, remain here with Forest on standby. We're going to split up and search this place from top to bottom. If any of you find anything that seems out of place, or catches your eye, grab it and look further around. Then radio it in, and we'll figure out how to go further. If any of you besides Chris and myself find one of the larger BOW's I mentioned, or anything I did not specify, then radio me and get the hell out of there. I am not losing another person to this bullshit." I stood up, dusted myself off, and moved to the door.

"Right. Same search pattern. Keep your radios on and listen for any call-outs. I'm your panic button if you get yourselves in too deep." The others stood up, stretching, cracking knuckles, doing various other little things to psyche themselves up.

"I want all of you to be careful, and if you find Wesker, never turn your back to him. I trust him about half as far as I can throw a cruiser." (Which wasn't very far)

"Is there anything specific we're looking for?" Chris asked. "Keys, pieces that look like they fit in something, masks, files, ammo, weapons, a certain golden arrow, keycards, and several other various bits and bobs. The guy who designed this place was a real nut, " I replied, checking my rifle.

"Also, remember what I told you. Headshots only, don't waste ammo." As they filed out, Barry stopped for a moment. He, myself and Rebecca were the only ones left in the room that were conscience. And Rebecca was over by Forest, checking him over again.

"Roy.. What I mentioned earlier," He was speaking softly, not wanting anyone to overhear. "Wesker threatened to have my family killed. He wants me to act against STARS. If there anything I should...?" I smiled reassuringly.

"While that prick isn't above it, he's too lazy to have actually done anything. He was talking out of his ass to get your cooperation. Pretend to listen to him for now, and keep your radio hidden from him. If he finds out, tell him we're on channel 42, and ordered to have radio silence unless it's an emergency. Don't directly act on any assassination orders, and string him along. Act like you're following his orders until I give the signal. Then we'll nail the bastard." I patted his shoulder, then opened the door.

"Let's get moving. We need to get all this done before Brad runs out of fuel." We both walked out, and found Jill and Chris standing there waiting for us.

"Hey, Jill, I got something for you." Barry fumbled around in his pockets for a moment, then pulled out a pockpick set. "Here. The master of unlocking should make good use of this." He handed it to Jill, with a smirk. Their old joke was well-known amongst STARS, and I was glad to see them able to kid around despite the grave setting.

I grabbed Chris and tugged him along. "We'll let the lovebirds have their moment. C'mon, Red, we got some zombies to kill." I lead him the way back to the foyer, intent on bringing down a certain coffin with a few rounds of buckshot.

On our way, we swung by the corridor with the mirrors and the rows of spears. (I was tempted to grab one, but it would be cumbersome in these tight hallways) We went over to where a handgun magazine and the golden arrow were stashed. Once I'd gotten those items, we made our way back to the foyer.

Once we were there, low and behold, Wesker was gone. Lovely. "Huh. Guess I get to shoot his ass tonight anyway. Good." I went up the first flight of stairs, to the disguised door. One swift kick later, it was miraculously open.

While Chris trudged up behind me, looking at my handiwork, I was already on my way to the steps leading into the boiler room. Or coffin room, whatever you wanna call it. I placed the arrowhead in the stone, then waited for the thing to open. Once it had, I started decending into the darkness.

Chris hurried to catch up to me, seeing as it was a really creepy night outside, and clomped down the stairs right behind me. Which was annoying, seeing as his heavy-ass footsteps are probably what wakes up the crimsonhead in the first place.

Once down there, I walked over to where the four busts were. Then I looked up the the coffin. Then at Chris. "Go stand over by the door and try not to get in the way, Red."

I pulled my shotgun off my back and racked it, silencing his protests before they even started. 'Well, this should save us about an hour's work...' I aimed my shotgun at the first of the chains that held the coffin in place, just as I deactivated the safety.

The silence was broken by the sound of a single gunshot, followed by the clang of metal hitting the floor.

_**Sorry, short chapter, I know. I've been busy lately and haven't had the time to sit down and write a proper WD chapter. Yessah! Yosh! I have found it! The fanfic I found Mclachlan in is called "Cast no Shadow" By Ada Adore. A hilarious scene involving Leon and his squad's interactions reminds me of old times with my own set of toadies... Ahh... Good times.**_

_**Well, I miss the guys. I'll see if I can't have some of 'em leave some comments sometime. If they're still amongst the living, anyway. **_

_**Anyway, I highly reccommend her fanfiction, and truly wish it would be completed. Not that it will, in all likelihood, but I can dream, right? Anyway, give it a look. I tried (Tried is the keyword) to capture Mclachlan's personality, despite him not having too many lines. (He's perceptive, smart, prideful, crass, a perfectionist, and a drinking buddy. Has a great sense of humor, as well. The type you can count on in the bar, or on a battlefield.)**_

_**I dunno how I did, but If Ada Adore reads this, gimme some backfeed on that. And a heads up if you'd rather I remove him from my story, if you don't like your personal characters being used by others. **_

_**The guy fits, and he's funny. You won't find too many characters like that amongs the secret service, as they're all business. And by that, I mean they're emtionless jackasses. They say some funny shit, but they're honestly rude about it. Anyway, moving on. **_

_**As an apology for having such a short chapter, I have a joke written below. Please... Enjoy yourselves.**_

A guy enters bar carrying an alligator. He says to the patrons, "Here's a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees, wanting to see blood. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes its mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals without a scratch. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone who's willing to give it a try $100." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle." -Top 10 Funniest Jokes


	37. Chapter 36 Phallus shaped Monster

**Waking Death**

The Nightmare

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid, suicidal motherfuckers. **_

#37 Into the manse! Hm. Does that even fit this section? Eh. Anyway, since most doors are easily accessible for Roy, since he just kicks them down or uses brute force/firepower to opn paths, we'll be skipping quite a few of the lame-ass puzzles that piss me the hell off. Also, this won't be anywhere near as long as Zero was, since it's "a get in, find evidence, get the fuck out." All in time to catch the early bird special when we get back to Raccoon.

The sound of an iron chain shattering echoed throughout the room, easily overshadowing the sound of brass clinking against the stone floor. I aimed at the next chain, and fired, racking another shell. My third round brought down the casket, as the single chain couldn't support it.

As it crashed to the earthen floor, I stepped further back. The lid had cracked open, its hideous tenant forcing the coffin open. The crimsonhead stepped out, firelight glinting off its' claws. While Chris was surely shitting himself, I took advantage of the thing's dramatic entrance. I brought my shotgun's muzzle in the monster's direction.

"Boo." BANG! went the 12 guage, and off with the undead bastard's head. In the time it took me to rack the gun and load the four shells I'd used, I realised something.

I just killed one of the game's biggest pain in the ass minibosses in one shot. Wow. Capcom would've swung the nerf hammer by now. Oh, well. There ain't no human alive, or dead for that matter, that can take a round of 12 guage buckshot to the head at point blank range, and survive. One or three pellets may bounce off their skull, but a whole shell? No way in hell.

Anyway, once it was headless, I walked over and snatched up the shotgun shells. Plus the emblem, which means I'd done in fifteen minutes what usually takes an hour and a half. And I did it with less than a full load of shells. Amazing.

I stood up, turning back towards Chris, and heading towards the stairs. "Right. We're going. On me, Red." Still shocked at the sight of his first supernatural monster, he nodded dumbly. And scurried after me when I jogged up the stone stairs.

Re-entering the foyer, I weighed my options. 'Head straight on? Or should I go and deal with the-' My thoughts were interrupted, as my radio crackled to life.

"_Roy! We need you in the attic! We found the snake! It's- Agh! Richard, look out!_" It went silent.

"Well... Guess that decides for me. On me, Redfield. Time to do what we do best." I was already moving up the stairs, to the door that was normally locked with the sword lock. Chris started after me, and asked the obvious question. "What is it we do best, again? You kinda lost me awhile ago."

I turned my head, with my crazy bastard grin. "Save everyone's asses from giant monsters. Now let's get hunting!" I threw the door open, (Which wasn't hard. I had kicked it in a while back. The doorjam had shattered) and walked through.

Moving quickly, I rounded the corner and readied my rifle. 'This is garunteed to be a pain in the ass...'

We went through the next door, and above the handful of stairs in front of us, the door had been kicked in. Or shoulder-bashed, it looked like.

I took the steps two at a time, and ran in to see an expected sight. Richard was on the floor, sitting against the wall. The Yawn was in front of him, hissing malevolently. I didn't see Kenneth.

"Yo dickhead! Over here!" I shouted, trying to draw the thing away from Dick. (Haha! Pun!) I fired a few rounds into its head to make my point.

It turned its overgrown phallus-shaped head towards me, hissing furiously. (I think. It could have been hissing in pain, but I didn't have time to check or compare) Then it started to slither towards me, when its mouth opened impossibly wide. With a violent roar, I was positive I'd just pissed it off.

I dived to the side, just in time for it to miss snapping me in two. Rolling to my feet, time seemed to dilute, slowing down. It turned in slow motion, and I brought my rifle to bear. Squeezing the trigger, I emptied the clip into its face.

I must've gotten lucky, since it sudden flipped the fuck out, one of its eyes bleeding profusely. Half-blinded, and in pain, the giant snake thrashed about, its tail neatly whacking Chris across the chest as he stepped inside, sending him against the wall. He slid down it, and his head lolled. He was KO'd.

Ignoring the urge to yell, "Knock out!" I reloaded, then switched to my shotgun. I wanted this thing to FEEL my next shot. Raising my shotgun, I hopped backward, avoiding the thing's fangs, but catching its nose in my gut.

Flying isn't always fun. Especially when it's really fast, and a wall is what catches you. I coughed a few times as I regained my footing, and tried not to throw up. I felt my midrift for a moment, then decided I had a few bruised ribs, but nothing broken. Good.

I pulled my shotgun back up, and fired. Now its nose had a sizable chunk missing, and it bellowed in pain once more. I started circling to my right, on its blind side. While staying out of its reach, I emtied my shotgun into the Yawn's head, aiming for the space where its brain should be.

Reloading, I stopped. I watched and waited, trying to see what it would do when its prey stopped moving. With a *Clack-chik-kuh* my mossberg was loaded and racked, its trigger eager for my touch. The snake had stopped thrashing, trying to locate me by feel, since it couldn't see, smell or hear very well.

As I had stopped moving, the overgrown garden snake had difficulty finding my position, even though I was no more than fifteen feet away. I took advantage of this, and made my next shot count. I fired, hitting its other eye, completely blinding the Yawn.

Now unable to locate its prey, the snake went into a frenzy, lashing and snapping all around itself, trying to hit whatever had injured it. Which did no good, since Chris was out of the way and both Richard and myself were too far for any of its attacks to connect.

I was fed up with this thing's longevity and annoying poison. Bringing my 12 guage towards it once more, my next half dozen rounds connected with Yawn's head. The snake collapsed, and I reloaded as I ran towards it. I jumped high, clearing its possum attack, a last-ditch effort to eat me before I could kill it. I landed on its neck, just past the thing's head.

I spun around, and jammed my gun against the back of its head. I yanked the trigger, time and again, and fired the four shots I'd loaded into the monster's skull. I definately got lucky, since my second shot made it jerk, then fall still. I no longer felt its heartbeat through my boots, and it had stopped breathing. I waited another minute, then hopped down.

Jogging over to Richard, I slid to a stop next to him. "You alright?! Where's Kenneth?!" I asked, as I waved my hand in front of his face and snapped my fingers. "He's.. " He looked at the snake's corpse. He didn't need to say anything more. I knew what he meant.

Standing up, I dashed over to its head, and put my booted foot on its lower lip, then grasped its upper lip with my hands, and lifted. It was difficult, as in lifting over 300 pounds of difficult, but I managed. After its mouth was gaping open, its fangs bared, I grabbed then, switching my grip from its mouth to its two teeth quickly. Then, with every ounce of strength I had, I pulled.

I ripped the Yawn's fangs right out of its mouth. Tossing them aside, I used my shotgun as a prop to keep the thing's mouth open. (I didn't fancy trying to open it while on my gut or back and dragging something)

Once I was sure it couldn't shut on me, I crawled in, and shoved my arm as far back into its throat as I could reach. I got pretty damn far, as I had my shoulder in and my neck was touching the side of the entrance, but I found what I was looking for.

My hand felt a boot, and I grabbed it. Tugging it further towards me, I got ahold of the ankle the boot was attatched to. Then I started pulling.

I got the thing close to me, I was only up to my bicep now, but I needed to get him out fast. So I braced my other hand against the side of the snake's jaw, and pushed while I pulled with all the might I had within my right arm.

"Arrgh! Come outta there, you stuck sonofabitch! You are NOT getting digested on my watch! Rahh!" With a great effort, and a nasty, lewd, wet *Schlorp-squelch* noise, I yanked Kenneth out of the giant snake's maw, out into the light of... Well, the attic.

He was completely covered in... Euch, snake saliva. I flipped him onto his back, and pulled my shotgun out of the monster's mouth. Once I set it down and was sure it was still functional, (If a bit nasty right about now) I gave Kenneth a good once over.

He looked like shit. Covered in snake goop, out cold, and I'm fairly sure he'd pissed himself. Lovely. I put my hand against his midrift, and gave him a lying down heimlich. After three or four pressures, he coughed up... Ugh... Snake spit. A lot of it.

After a solid twenty seconds of coughing up foul liquids, he sat up. Saw what he was covered in, realised what it was, turned his head, and barfed for all he was worth. It was rather... entertaining. Besides the fact that he was disgusting looking, (And smelling) it was hilarious. Except my arm was covered in the gunk. (I conveniently wiped it off on Chris' vest later)

Well, after he was done losing his lunch, I helped him up. He said nothing, still in complete shock. I still had an amused grin on my face. But I saved the funny comments for later. I turned back to Richard.

Now that we weren't being attacked by a giant penis-shaped monster, and I wasn't running an adrenaline high, I saw how bad off Dick was. He had a massive hole in his chest, right over one of his lungs. I mentally matched the hole to the fangs I'd ripped out earlier. 'Fuck'

Beyond that, his left leg was smashed. As in, less than an inch thick. Completely flat. Snake must've landed on it. There were a few scratches on his left arm, too. Damn. Unlucky.

"Richie, how bad you feel?" He looked up, delirium clear in his eyes. He knew he wouldn't make it. "I.. Feel like... You look..." Points for bravado and effort. And classic humor. But I'd've decked him if not for the snake already doing it for me.

"Any last requests? I'm not gonna lie and tell you you'll wake up in Raccoon general." I wasn't going to lie to him in his final moments. No one deserves that. "Protect Rebecca... Save the.. Others..." Yeah... Right up until the end.

"You fucken boy scout... You sure you don't want me to ask Rebecca to come over and take her top off?" He smiled and tried to chuckle. He coughed up blood instead. "Fuck... You..." I smiled sadly. I pulled off his name patch, and said, "Sorry... Rebecca already did... You want it quick?" I said, pulling my SE2 from its holster.

"Phah.." He adjusted himself to get comfortable, and pulled his shotgun closer to himself. It had been lying on the floor next to him. "No. Friends shouldn't.. *Cough* ..Have to do that for their friends.. Just go. I'll be fine in a minute or two..." I caught his drift. I stood up, turning away. "It's been an honor, Mister Aiken. If tonight goes sideways and I see ya there... meet me at the bar. Drinks're on me."

I walked away, never looking back. I picked Chris' candy ass off the floor, wiping the gunk off of my arm as I did so. He was gonna freak out about it later. I overheard Kenneth saying something to Richard. Real sappy, but well deserved.

Ken hurried over to me, a resigned look on his face. Beyond being swallowed alive, he had relatively few injuries. A few scratches on his arms, but nothing other than that. He got lucky that I'd pulled him out. He felt Richard should've lived, as he wasn't the one who got eaten. As we stepped out into the hallway, we heard a shotgun blast... and a heavy thud. We never looked back.

...

We made our way back to medical, and I dropped Chris' onto the floor. I had radioed Becca to get ready, and she bussed around with healling agents trying to fix Ken's arms and Chris' head all at the same time. Cute, really. Anyway, I finished wiping the snake spit onto the back of Chris' vest, and then used a few sterile wipes to get the rest of the shit off me.

Kenneth had been silent ever since we walked out of the attic. Guess survivor's guilt sets in pretty damn quick. We.. hadn't told Rebecca yet. She'd figured it out when she saw me carrying Chris. But still, Rebecca remained silent, intent on helping us before she broke down and cried. I was damn proud of her.

'Why... Why did he have to die...? I accepted my fate the moment the damned thing ate me.. So why am I still here, with Richard gone...? Fuck me...' Sulking, Kenneth didn't even notice the pain as Rebecca applied antiseptic to his injuries. He thanked her when she'd finished bandaging, but said little else.

Both myself and Becky gave him space, or I had, as Rebecca sat on my lap and sobbed silently into my shoulder. I rubber her back and shoulders, humming quietly. The three of us went on like this, at least for another five minutes before...

Chris woke up, groaning. As he sat up, he almost asked the obvious question. But kept silent when he saw our expressions. Even Forest seemed quiet. But then again, maybe he was just snoring more quietly. (He was still out cold)

Chris remained quiet, even as Rebecca rushed over, eager to have a distraction. While she busied herself looking him over for ouchies, I looked over my shotgun, and tried to wipe off as much of the snake's saliva as I could. I did not want to have it jam because of snake spit.

Well, a good ten minutes later, I was good to go, Chris had a headache while he was wondering what the nasty smell was, Rebecca was sad and quiet, and Kenneth was sulking.

'They'd better get used to it... This is the kinda shit we have to go through for the rest of our lives... No matter how short they are. Such is the fate... of a _**survivor**_'

AK-47; When absolutely, positively every motherf**ker on your battlefield must die. Accept no substitutes.

H&K USP45; The weapon of a hardened, professional badass.

HK45; The weapon of a hardened, professional badass... In a suit.

"Beretta: Like a high-dollar escort-service model.  
Glock: Like a cheap, two-dollar whore.

One's great to show around, but will leave you when you have any issues.  
The other'll take care of you no matter what, and you'll always leave satisfied."

AUT VIAM INVENIAM AUT FACIAM - I WILL FIND A WAY OR MAKE MY OWN

In a recent (8/24/12) shooting incident, there was an armed individual with a .45 auto that attacked two policemen. They fired back, killing the suspect. There were 9 civillians injured in the shootout. Guess how many of them were hit with 9mm rounds?

_**Ugh... That's just bollocks. Who the hell trained those clowns? If you have civvies to worry about, you either don't take the shot, or you risk being hit and line up ONE CLEAR headshot. You DO NOT place innocents in the line of fire! Ever! Two people dead, at least seven wounded. This is bullshit. **_

_**Worse, someway somehow, Bloomberg is going to say that they need more strict gun laws to prevent things like that. LAWS did not prevent the guy from taking a handgun in there in the first place, and they're not likely to stop anyone else who has an illegal weapon. Those laws only prevent honest citizens from defending themselves from those who do possess illegal firearms. Stupidity at its finest... People, I give you the mayor of New York City.**_

_**Yeah... Bloomberg won't be happy until his private security are the only ones who are allowed to carry guns.**_

_**I carry a gun because a policeman is too heavy.**_

_**"Criminal shoots one person... The police shoot nine?! In one incident?! What the Fuck?! Why do they still have badges?!"**_

_**"Strict gun laws ensure that only two groups possess weapons; criminals, and the government. Both of them want something from you, and both are willing and able to kill you for it. That is why the second amendment exists."**_

_**"Armed Airlines... Where everyone gets a weapon. A bat, a mace, OC spray, pepper-spray painball guns, a knife, a sword... you name it, we supply it. We garuntee your safety, and that no one will hijack OUR airplanes." An old granny hobbles up.  
'What about me...? I can't swing something that heavy...'  
"Here you are, ma'am, a slingshot. Load it with full soda cans and let 'er rip! That'll teach those youngsters to mess with those who've seen it all!" **_

_**PWS: Taking an AK and an AR15, drugging them with spanish fly, and locking them both in a room with a bed and a case of Red Bull.  
The result? The MK1 series, also known as the Diablo. The baddest, hardest motherfuckin combat-ready rifle you can find that will take any abuse you can dish out, and still look good enough to leave you jizzing your pants. AK/AR debatists, eat your hearts out. Trolling successful. **_


	38. Chp 37 Taking a Bath with the Sea God

**Waking Death**

The Nightmare

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid, suicidal motherfuckers. **_

#38 Fuck yeah! 1,000 views! Hells yeah, bitches! But I've only gotten two reviews! And one of them was an idiot who didn't even know wtf he was saying! C'mon, READ and REVIEW! What, d'y'all want more humor, more lemons, more/better action? I dunno what to give y'all if ya don't tell me what's good and what needs work. I work for reviews! And I'm running on fumes here! Help a brother, motherfucker! Anyway, we'll be moving forward at the breakneck speed of smell. In our latest installment, someone's gonna be taking a bath. I'll leave it to viewers to figure out what that means.

After Chris woke up, I stood and checked my gear. Once everything was in order, I went over and pulled Chris up, then moved to the door. I turned back. "Kenneth, stay here with Rebecca for now. Next time Jill and Barry drop by, move out with them. Rebecca," I reached into my pocket and pulled out the radio Richard had given me before his demise. Well, I pulled it off his belt before I left. He didn't say anything about it.

I tossed it to her. "Keep an ear open for Brad or Enrico. Richard said the thing's only good for recieving, so keep the other one on our established channel." I then opened the door, and stepped back out into the darkened hallway. Chris followed, and I made my way to the heavy metal door locked by the security system. (The one you need the emblem for)

On our way, we got to the hallway with the door leading outside. That's when three assholes crashed in through the windows. 'Well... That's new'

The first of said stooges was on the floor, moaning, groaning and growling. I raised (Lowered, actually) my rifle, and put one round through his forehead. I turned, raising my gun. Chris beat me to it.

He fired, hitting the zombie in the chin, neck and upper chest. His fourth shot caught the thing right in the temple, and it collapsed. The third one must've been a crimsonhead, as it moved with startling speed. Before Chris could level his gun, the monster struck.

It grabbed ahold of his gun, and pulled him forward. Chris just barely got his forearm under the thing's chin, keeping it from taking a chunk out of his throat. I used the oportunity to move up, grabbed the crimsonhead's shoulder, and pulled my sidearm. I jammed the barrel against it's head, and fired twice.

It went slack, nearly taking Chris with it when the creature dropped to the floor. I reholstered my SE2 and hefted my rifle. "You alright, Red?" He nodded shakily, knowing just how close to death he'd come.

I moved to the door, and kicked it down. 'Doorknobs are for chumps... I got the greatest skeleton key right here'

Stepping outside, I took a moment to enjoy the cool air. Then I remembered the dogs. I pulled my rifle to the right, just in time for not one, not two, but four of the fuckers to jump over the fence and into the area.

"Son of a dick..." My gun was up, and I just switched to full-auto. My first three rounds caught the leftmost dog in the head, killing it before the damned thing had a chance to land. (I shot it mid-jump when it was coming over the fence)

I quickly readjusted my aim, time already diluting, my heart racing. The next one had just turned, and was crouching down, getting ready to pounce. I squeezed the trigger again, and I wasn't disappointed. The next dog was turned into swiss cheese, five holes in its body. Two of which were in its head.

As I aimed for my third kill, Chris finally got into action. A six round burst came from behind me and to my right, hitting the dog that was starting to run towards us. He wasn't as good a shot as I, so the dog was still alive/undead, just had six holes in its chest and forelegs.

The dog I'd been aiming at was dead by the time Chris stopped firing. One clean shot ended the one dog that hesitated at seeing two of its pack dying. I aimed at the last one, and fired my last shot. It stopped twitching, and I reloaded my rifle.

Moving forward, I pulled the emblem/crest from my pouch, and placed it in the security device. We heard a click, and the huge metal door next to us unlocked. (It was right thick. Even I couldn't kick it in at the time. Could've used my grenade launcher, or taken my shotgun to the bolt, but I didn't want to risk bringing down the doorway or sending shrapnel into myself or anyone else)

I opened the heavy-ass door, and motioned Chris inside. Once in, we descended the stairs. (I snatched up the shells and first aid spray, too) Opening the wooden door, we stepped outside. "Huh... I didn't think it was halloween already."

Chris gave me a wierd look, but said nothing. I walked ahead of him, ignoring the weathervanes. "Wonder if we'll find a cemetary and a witch to finish the cliche setting?" I said, absentmindedly. I heard Chris call, "Or another monster."

I turned and gave him a glare. "Thanks, genius. You just jinxed us. Now we're definately gonna run into another monster." I said, the statement dripping with sarcasm. He shrugged. "Known over the unknown, right?" Bastard. Damn Redfields and their optimistic attitudes.

I turned back and kept going. When we reached the gate, I looked at the statues. "Hmph. Oy, Chris. Think we've just found the gates of hell." He gave me an incredulious look. "What the hell does that mean? We've got the dead trying to kill us. I figured we were already in hell."

I pointed at the statue, then the gate. "Cerberus is a three-headed hellhound. He guards the gates of hell. Looks like we've reached it. Guess the zombies are the welcoming committee..." Chris rolled his eyes at my sense of humor.

I walked over to the gate and said, "You got the key to this thing?" He shook his head. I grinned. "Well, I do." He was about to ask a stupid question when I raised my foot.

I gave the gate an ungodly kick, and it was miraculously unlocked. (And barely hanging onto its hinges) My kick was followed by a massive clanging sound as the wrought-iron gates clanged against the fence. Chris glared at me. "Did you have to make that much noise? No wonder we're gonna run into something."

I shrugged this time. "I'd rather it come at us head on than stalk us later." I walked on, Chris following close on my heels.

We walked into the graveyard, and I said, "Well. We found the graveyard. Let's get outta here before we wake up someone grouchy."

Moving quickly but quietly, so as to avoid pissing off any crows that were in the immediate area, I walked straight over to the gate across from us. We were just fine, until Chris tripped. The moment he hit the ground, I turned and pulled my shotgun up.

There were seven of 'em, sitting on headstones and in trees, just waiting. Before they had the chance to take off, I fired, hitting three of them.

I racked my gun, as Chris got up and made a mad dash for the gate. The remaining crows took flight, making a beeline for the one fleeing. Chris. I aimed, and tried to compensate for their close proximity and speed. I was using buckshot, not birdshot. So I had to be real careful.

My next round connected with only one of them, but it was enough. The remaining three scattered, and flew off. I racked and reloaded, then went over and through the gate. I gibsmacked Chris on my way, and kept going.

Rubbing his head and sporting an annoyed look, the former pilot followed, choosing to wait until an ideal time to get even with the big guy in front of him. Probably when they were back in the city.

Ignoring the daggers Chris was staring into my back, I walked on, wanting to get into the shack and get the next annoyance over with. 'I am so not getting clocked in the head by that bitch... I'll shove my shotgun down her throat first...'

Reaching the shack, I went over to the door. I gripped the handle and took my stance. Chris was right behind me. I opened the door and stepped smartly inside, sweeping the room with my 12 guage. Seeing no threats, I motioned Chris in and shut the door.

We went through, and seeing the fire, I said, "Someone's been living here... Recently, too." Chris nodded. While we searched around, I went into the back and picked up the crank handle. Needed that for the pool. Since I didn't know if anything nasty was in the water, and because I was not going to wind up carrying Chris' candy ass across.

Anyway, once I stashed the crank, (In my belt. I used two D-clips to make sure it wouldn't fall) I went back. Chris was examining Lisa Trevor's journal. His face was an odd mix of horror and fascination. Kinda reminded me of Rebecca, in a way. Except she was much cuter.

We both looked up when we heard the door. Then rushed to the window and looked down to said door and saw a figure dressed in rags moving further inside. I readied my shotgun, and signalled Chris to stay behind me.

As I advanced, moving to the doorway leading to the room with the fireplace, I opened my mouth slightly, and listened... (SAS tactic. Remain entirely still, leave your mouth open, breathe through it quietly. After thirty seconds or a bit more, you can hear your heartbeat, as well as most things around you. Not to mention, your own breathing makes less noise)

I heard the ragged breathing of Lisa on the other side, and took a chance. I let go of my gun with my left hand and walked up, casual as you'd like. The moment I was through the doorway, I let my reflexes take over.

Raising my left hand faster than the human eye could track, I caught Lisa's shackled arms, and stepped away from her. When she made to pull away from my grip, I brought my shotgun up. "Fuck off, ugly."

Oddly enough, my shotgun didn't do much damage. At point blank range. Did I mention I had jammed the gun against her torso? Well, it knocked the bitch on her ass, but nothing much besides.

"Fuck! Chris! Out the door! Now!" I racked and fired again, straight into the hideous monster's face. List fell flat onto her back this time, but stirred within moments. I turned and ran, following Chris on his way outside.

Once we were out, I slammed the door shut and moved on, pulling Chris along. "C'mon, before that thing gets back up," He didn't disagree.

We hauled ass back up the path we'd come through, wanting to put some distance between us and the thing in the cabin. On our way, a zombie lunged at us from behind a tree. Roy just tripped the thing and kept going.

Rebecca was still in the medical room, rearranging the different medicines on the shelf for the hundreth time out of sheer boredom. Lost in her own thoughts, she never heard the footsteps right behind her. When she noticed the shadow eclipse the light from above her head, then she noticed something right behind her.

Before the medic even had time to process what she'd just seen, she felt a sudden sharp pain in the back of her head, and everything went dark...

By the time we stopped running, we were back at the door to the mansion. Stepping inside, Chris was breathing a bit heavy, a side effect of the weight he was carrying. Not to mention he probably hadn't had to run the physical fitness test in awhile. I wondered if he'd picked up his smoking habit yet...

Regardless, once inside, I moved up the stairs and waited for Chris to catch his breath. Once he wasn't bent over leaning on his knees, I opened the double doors and took the safety off.

I brought my mossberg up the moment I was outside, aiming left and already sighting my first target. The undead doberman didn't even growl before it met its bloody, gruesome end. I cocked my gun and fired again, taking down the second with a shot to the neck, severing its head.

The last one came around the corner and rushed me, just as I was shooting the second. Not bothering to shoot him, I stepped forward and swung the butt of my gun straight up, catching the dog on the chin mid-leap. I was on his ass like Carlos on women. (The guy's foulmouthed, perverted, a flirt, and has a latin accent. He's like Luis, just doesn't look like a gigolo)

The moment the dog hit the ground, my hand was on his neck. Grabbing with my other, I clamped his jaws shut and changed my grip to the back of his head and gave a quick jerk. I was reassured by a nice, loud, wet-sounding Snap-Crack-Chkptsch! sound. Okay, yeah, it's hard to describe the sound of someone's neck breaking. So sue me.

Anyways, the dogs were dead and Chris was just now shutting the door. Lazy bastard. I picked my shotgun back up and slung it on my back, then walked over and through the gate.

Taking the opportunity to pull the crank off of my belt while moving to the winch, I completely ignored the stupid question Chris was about to ask me. Plugging the handle in, I grabbed it and rolled my shoulders, then cracked my neck. "Oookay, one for the money, two for the show, three for the babes, four to get ready, and five to go the hell home!" I shouted elatedly, cranking the damned thing with each number.

Seeing as the floodgate wasn't all the way open, I kept cranking until the water was drained. Then I looked at Chris' sardonic expression. (Go reaki AIKI, and observe Kunitoshi's expressions. You'll know the one I'm talking about)

"So I have a sense of humor. Bite me." He simply flipped me off and walked over to the ladder. He climbed down and I slid down Gears-style. Once we climbed up the other side, we entered the residence. I had an odd feeling, like something bad was happening... (while in a house of horrors filled with undead flesh-eating zombie. Yeah...)

I decided to check on everyone's progress and pulled up my radio. "Oy, this is Roy. Holler if you're dead." I got one reply.

"_This is Barry. Jill and Kenneth are with me. Ran into a few zombies, but nothing major. We've gotten almost everything inside clear, except the basement. The gate's a tough one, you got any way to open it?_"

I gave back, "Not yet. I'll update you soon as I do. If I don't have anything within an hour, I'll come back and blast it with the tube. For now, do a double check on key areas, then RV at the gate. Hey, Rebecca, you there?"

I got no answer. "Rebecca? Hey, Becca! Wake the fuck up, huh?" Still, nothing. Seems my feeling was spot on. I hate when I'm always right...

"Fuck me!" Chris, who was sporting a worried look, said nothing. "Barry! Haul your ass back and check on Becky. I'm gonna keep pressing forward and try to find a way into the basement. Lemme know if she's alright." The radio was silent for a few moments. "_And if she's not...?" _

I clinched the bridge of my nose. Then pressed the button and said, "Then don't tell me until we've got a way into the basement. Now move!" I took a breath, then pressed onward, muttering to myself. "So help me, Rebecca... If you gotten yourself hurt, I'm gonna shove a bottle of green chili up your ass...!" I growled, jerking the door open harder than I'd meant to, halfway tearing the top hinges off.

"Damnit... Of all the people to get themselves into the shit... C'mon girl, don't you dare leave me to explain to our neighbor what happened..." In a rare, sage-like episode of wisdom, Chris said nothing about me muttering to myself. Smart.

After spending a good ten minutes clearing the residence, I had the key to the control room. I reloaded and kept the derringer, figured I'd gift it to Rebecca if she was alive.

After going into the room with the bookcases, Chris following at a discreet distance, trying not to invoke my wrath. (I was pissed off, nervous, worried, and most of all, angry. The difference between annoyance/vexation and true anger, is the level of retribution. Pissed off is someone spilling their coffee on you on purpose. Angry is someone who's ruined your life or killed someone you care about)

I grabbed one of the bookcases and shoved it back against the wall, then grabbed the other by the side and practically threw it out of the way of the ladder.

Once we'd descended, I moved quickly through the hallway, wondering why it looked more like a fallout bunker than a secret lab. Eh.

We got to the pit filled with water. I could jump it, but Chris couldn't. So we spent five extra minutes dragging the boxes over into the water. We were halfway with the third when my radio crackled to life.

"_Roy! we've found Rebecca. She's alright, but someone gave her a good shiner. She was unconscience when we got here. Also..._" Barry paused, probably unsure how to say what he was about to tell me.

"_Roy, Forest is gone. His gun, too._" Ah, fuck. Another twist?

I replied into the radio. "Okay. Keep an eye out. Have someone stay with Rebecca. The other two go and search. Be inconspicuous. And thanks. By the way... We found something more like an underground bunker than a basement. Looks like a fallout shelter more than anything. I'm not liking the looks of it, Burton."

"_A bunker? What the hell would they have that here for? Oh, Kenneth wanted to ask. You seen Enrico?_"

"No. Hey... This place is half flooded. Remain on full alert if you get into the basement. Heads up, we ran into some kinda monster outside. It... used to be human. Now it looks like some kinda hunchback with shackled arms. It's immune to gunfire, so run away if you guys run into it. Damn thing ate three rounds of buckshot when I had the gun jammed against its skull. Over and out."

Chris and I finished loading the boxes into the water, and we crossed unmolested. (Dunno if anything was in the water. I didn't wanna find out) We waded into the knee-deep water, then got to the doors. Opening them, I walked into the water ring...

Chris followed right behind me. Seeing all the water, I said, "Well... It's a safe bet that they've got something nasty in the water." Now, Chris, dumbass that he was, walked riiiight up to the edge of the walkway area. I was tempted to start humming the JAWS theme...

In fact, I did. Chris gave me an asshole look, and I smirked. Just as I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye...

I didn't think. I acted. I dropped my rifle, hearing it splash into the water right where I'd been standing. I dashed forward, taking the four steps in under a third of a second, grabbed Chris by his vest, turned, and threw him towards where I'd been standing, using my body as a counter-balance by throwing myself in the opposite direction.

**Right into the fucking water.**

I was damned skilled, awesome, fast, and just plain lucky to survive, as the Neptune missed my leg by mere inches. Chris was much luckier, since I'd chucked him into the safe zone. Me? Not so lucky. I was in the water tank with a zombie shark. And it was **hungry.**

"ROY!" Chris did another stupid thing, he rushed right back up to the rail and looked over it, at Roy who was in the water. With a shark.

While dumbass was leaning over the rail, I was sinking. I turned my head left, trying to see where the thing had gone. I saw its tail disappear around the central pillar. 'which way's he coming from...'

Right about here, I remembered something odd. All the skill in the world doesn't mean jack shit if an angel takes a piss in your musket's flintlock. Means that if you're having a bad day, you're gonna get fucked one way or another. Can't be helped. Couldn't quite place where I'd heard that before, But it wasn't a big deal at the time...

The shark didn't come back around that way within six long, agonising seconds, so I figured he was coming the other way. I turned back, and found I was right.

The Neptune was just now coming around the bend, and I was wondering it he'd bite me in half, or just tear me apart. Then my own personal version of fight or fight even harder kicked in, and I thought...

'If I die, Rebecca will be angry with me. If I die, the others will probably die too. If I die, everything I've done up till now will have been for naught. If I die... Rebecca will be sad. If I die... Sarah won't ever forgive me...' Right here, right fucking now, I got angry. I got pissed. I was fueled by pure, unadulterated fury. And I wanted that thing's blood...

Guns aren't worth shit underwater. So I pulled my knife, flipped it underhand, and waited the torturous five seconds for the Neptune to get close enough...

When its jaws opened, I spun. Like a log. And dodged upward, keeping the monster from taking a chunk outta me. The moment the thing was under me, I stabbed my knife down, and caught ahold of the thing.

I nearly lost my grip when the thing jerked, but I held on. Pulling my boot knife, I plunged it into the monster. Then I did what I always do. Find a way to make something mad, even madder.

I started to climb, stabbing one knife in, then pulling the other out and pulling myself the whole time, trying to get close. 'I had about three and a half minutes of air... Given the exertion, that's two minutes... I've been under for thirty seconds, so...'

I had to make this quick. I kept up my stab and pull, and got myself right up to the thing's hard. I was pretty much on the top of its neck or forehead, whichever you wanna call it. I pulled my boot knife out.

Then, I did something stupid. I stabbed this giant, sixteen-foot monster in the eye. THAT got its attention...

As it thrashed about, it came to a standstill. I sheathed my boot knife, and then did something funny. I punched the shark hard as I could, right on the top of its snout. It.. well, roared, I guess. Couldn't hear so well underwater.

Anyway, then I did something truly, remarkably stupid. I pulled out a grenade. One of my last... er, four, hand grenades. It was mighty tricky pulling it out, considering I kept everything else from coming out and sinking to the bottom.

Good thing I got water-proof radios. Anyway, I hooked the pin from the grenade on my right thumb, and pulled. It was armed. Just needed to remove the lever. (Try pulling a grenade pin with your teeth. That's all hollywood bullshit. You'll rip your own damn teeth out doing that)

Here comes the risky part. (Risky? I was riding a goddamned great white zombie fucking shark!) I reached the hand with the genade out, in front of the creature's mouth...

I had to be quick. When it noticed prey right in front of it, the shark reared back, ready to snap my hand off. I dropped the grenade just as the thing lunged, and pulled my hand back faster than you'd believe possible underwater.

Then, counting off the five seconds in my head, I ripped my knife out of the shark, and kicked off and away from it. I got a good ten feet when it started to turn around. 'Three... Two... One...'

If it was possible, I did it. I said, "Boom" underwater, just as the grenade went off. I got lucky as fuck. If it was still alive, I was screwed. I needed air, and bad. The edges of my vision were going dark already... But I needed to confirm its death. Otherwise, we'd have ourselves a nice JAWS moment.

Amidst the cloud of red, I saw...

I saw... The shark coming forward.

'Fuck!... Wait...'

The head of the shark came forward, and started sinking... It was missing its lower jaw, and there was nothing behind its second gill. The rest of it was chum. Grinning, I turned and started swimming straight up... My vision going blurry...

"Blu-hah, huuuh!" I coughed, breaking the surface. "Roy! Get outta there!" I heard chris, and started swimming towards his voice. Reaching the rail, I grabbed the ledge, and Chris got my other hand.

Once I was out of the water, I sat down, right back into knee-deep water. And said...

"**WA-HOO! EAT THAT YOU FISH-FUCKIN MOTHERFUCKER! BOO-YAH! HAH HAH HAH HAH, HAH!**" Chris jumped at my outburst, then gave me an annoyed glare. "Hey! I thought you were dead! What the hell happened?!"

I gave him a lanky grin. "I just punched a great white fucking shark in the face." His face went slack.

"You just did what...?"

"I punched a shark in the face, then fist-fed him a hand grenade. Schwarzenegger, eat your heart out! I outta be in the next Expendables movie." (Hahahahahahahahahaha! I don't own it, but it'd be funny as fuck to be in the Expendables)

Chris said nothing. I got up and fetched my rifle, making sure to clear all the water out of it, then fired two shots into the water. I didn't expect the welcome I got. Three more sharks shot up, and were circling in the water.

"Fuck! Chris! Run to the door on the far side! We'll drain the water!" He didn't bother nodding, as he was already running through the water, heading for the door to the control room.

I hauled ass after him, shooting some of the sharks that got too close along the way. We got to the door, and he couldn't open it. "It's locked!"

"No shit..." I pulled the key from my pocket and unlocked the door, then shoved Chris inside before following.

_**That's all for now. I've got shit to do, so here's hoping you enjoyed that. Yes, Roy is a badass. Yes, he killed a giant shark. Yes, I believe he's better than Chuck Norris, Bruce lee, and Jackie Chan combined. Okay, Bruce Lee is on par with him. Everyone else comes up to his knees. Muahahahaha.**_

_**Anyway, never, EVER fire a Direct Impingement rifle when it has water in the barrel, the reciever, or just anywhere in the gun itself. FULLY drain it before you fire it! Otherwise you will have a catastrophic malfunction, and the gun will explode. Taking half your face with it. Be smart! Be safe! Do NOT be celibate! **_

_**Blade, out!**_

_**I carry a gun because a policeman is too heavy.**_

_**Okay, this made me laugh. "There are three things I hate. Racism, homophobia, and that black faggot that lives down the street." -Staredad's Opinion. Fucked up, but funny.**_

_**College Teacher says: "This is not an assignment that can be done overnight the day before it's due."  
Student: 'Challenge accepted.'**_

_**PWS: Taking an AK and an AR15, drugging them with spanish fly, and locking them both in a room with a bed and a case of Red Bull.  
The result? The MK1 series, also known as the Diablo. The baddest, hardest motherfuckin combat-ready rifle you can find that will take any abuse you can dish out, and still look good enough to leave you jizzing your pants. AK/AR debatists, eat your hearts out. Trolling successful. **_


	39. Chapter 38 Roy

**Waking Death**

The Nightmare

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid, suicidal motherfuckers. **_

#39 Hoy. Author here, just saying, heeeeere's Roy! Back by popular demand, (Meaning that I wanted to do this because I was bored, and was tired of people that think along the lines of Mister Mary Sue) Roy is here to explain his origins, as well as to answer certain questions that fans have sent! (Not really. Though fan questions would be appreciated, and any sent that are relevent, funny, awesome, or one that I just plain like, will be added here when I update it)

2007

And so... Here sits Roy, at a cluttered dining room table, the camera zooms in, we see him cleaning his handgun. He looks up...

"Uh, can you even see me from back there? C'mon, get a little closer."

Our cameraman walks forward, moving closer, closer...

"Ow! Not that close, jaggoff!" The idiot cameraman clocked him with the camera. We now have a smear on the screen...

"Gimme that... Cheapass producers..."

After an unsettling episode of violence that cannot be shown on live television, we return to see Roy still sitting there. Albeit with a splatter of blood sitting ominously on the center of the table...

"Don't worry about your cameraman. You'll get him back within a week via UPS. He'ss be in the brown suade suitcase."

He stands, seeming to be a little annoyed.

"Okay, commentator, shut the fuck up. i'll be the one to handle that."

...very well.

"Good. Now then..."

Ack! Augh, no... No! Not the pineapple...!

*Screen goes black*

Roy reappears on screen. "Alright, back by popular demand, here I am. The fuck d'ya want?"

...

"Okay, whatever. My name is Roy. I'm not giving my last name. (Surname) This is because I don't have one. I found that my parents weren't really my parents, and that my entire childhood was a lie. I am six foot, two inches. I weigh somewhere around 190 pounds."

"When I introduced myself to the RPD and STARS, I called myself Roy Mustang. This is... Well, because I'm a fan of FMA. And it hadn't come out yet in '98, so I figured I'd hint at myself not being from their time. This was because I like to mindfuck people, and it wouldn't be a complete surprise when the truth finally came out." He states, blandly.

"I also used several phrases from pop culture that weren't from their time. Such as the Evil Dick Vs. Good Dick joke, from Big Brother. Another recent one was the Expendables pun. Although, the Schwarzenegger one made sense, considering. I'm still not sure if Chris was a Terminator fan or not..." He looks off into the distance, a comtemplative look on his face...

"Anyway, the next one, was the way I handled things during my time in both mansions. I severely cut down the time spent in both, but I still piddled around quite a bit. So as to give the bad guys time to set up. I couldn't risk upsetting the timeline. this was because, well, Chris, Jill, Barry, Wesker, Billy, and Rebecca all had to experience the horror, the fear of being in that living hell. Otherwise the BSAA wouldn't have come to be."

"Therefore, I couldn't just have us run the way back to Raccoon. Nor could I just appear inside the mansion randomly... So, I got in with STARS. Lotta fun that shit was..."

*Ahem* "Regardless, every one of my actions had a rhyme and a reason. A method to my madness. Take young Rebecca. She seems mucho out of character, ne?"

He grins. "Well... My influence is both endearing, corrupting, and brings great change to all those who come in contact with it. My body exudes hormones that attract the opposite sex, and usually makes those of the same see me as a rival. All good and well, but I'm damned charismatic, too. Not to mention a great lay."

"Now, how do I exude those hormones? Well, that has more to do with my origins. When I was a child, I was dropped off with my grandmother every weekend. When I was there, I was drugged and taken, by a man that grandma called my Uncle."

"And so, nearly every time I got dropped off at her house, every summer, every week of my 'Parents' anniversary, I was drugged and carried off. When I woke up, it was in a starch white military barracks, with fifty other children my age. This all started when I was six, and ended when I was thirteen."

He pulls out a pack of cigarettes, puts one to his lips and lights up.

"Well, for seven years, I was trained, drugged, and amped up. There are still bits I don't remember, where I was likely whored out for what I was."

He takes a long drag...

"...As a child soldier. We were called dogs. We were all subjected to mental conditioning, which made us forget everything. It was also there to make us obey. Just like a good like lapdog..."

"Well, there were always those who broke through the hypnotism, drugs, and torture. WE, were called wolves. We were the special forces of these sleeper agents. We were able to remember, and from that, we became stronger. So, they upped the dosage of every stimulant, steroid, and tranquilizer they used on us."

"Dogs were subjected to such treatments, but in smaller doses. It was hardly noticeable until they had adrenaline flowing through them. For us though, it made us... Less than human. Fear was beaten out of us, as was empathy. We were trained to kill, taught to ignore pain, and compelled to enjoy it. They were, we are, I am..."

"That's what I am. One of the few... Unlucky ones, to survive the experimentation. I am of the twenty-third generation. Out of every 80 to 120 dogs that are brought into the program, only half of them survive. Of them, only fifteen percent are wolves. More often than not..."

He stubs out his cigarette, and fishes out another. "It's less than 10% that survive the extensive training. In training, we fight each other. Marksmanship was done at the range, where we used everything from derringers to the Barret .50 cal.

"Heh. Yeah, try to imagine little eight year old children firing that monster. For armed CQB, we were taught using ka-bars. We were forced to kill one another, until half of each gender was gone."

"Yes, each gender. It was done with half boys, half girls. You wanna know why?" He sits back, and takes another long pull.

"...To breed us. At thirteen, the wolves, half boys and half gals, were paired up. Your mate was to become your life partner. We were matched via genetics, ability, and aesthetics. They gave each of us a large glass of water, that tasted odd. I would now guess it was laced with a heavy aphordisiac."

"Then we were stripped to nothing more than a skimpy pair of shorts, and got called through the double doors. I was called by my number and went through, then was led by a guard and one of the fidgets, the scientists who wore white coats and fidgeted around a lot, to a heavy door."

"It had a heavy bolt on one side, with a window that had a slider on it. I was tossed inside, and I saw pure white. It was all padded, even the door. There was no handle on it from the inside. The vent was up high, well above the door and too small for me to fit through anyway."

"I sat on what looked to be a raised up matress, that had a slanted backpiece. Some new-age thing for motels. There were no blankets or sheets. After ten minutes of waiting, the door opened again. A girl walked in, wearing the same shorts I was and nothing more, giving the guy behind her an icy look."

"After the door shut, she walked over and sat next to me. Neither of us said a thing. None of us did. She was the girl I fought in the last bout, the one I defeated but refused to kill. She was slightly shorter than me, with long, jet-black hair. She was better developed than other females at the time, and had at least a C-cup bust. At the end of our training, the wolves have one final test among each other. The kids we worked with in pairs and teams to complete goals, and we were told that only one of us would leave the circle. We were partnered up and told to kill our opponent if we wanted to live."

"I won, by the skin of my teeth, and threw the knife at brickchin. He was the top jarhead that trained us in close combat. He screamed at me to end her, but..."

He looks... I'm not sure what emotion Roy is experiencing. His face is a mask, showing both anger, pain, and something... else.

"I refused. I simply dropped the knife that had cut me, come so close to splitting open my jugular. Her knife. I turned, and faced brickchin. Then I walked out of the circle, moving to the door, intent on returning to the barracks. He shouted at me to finish it, or I'd be the one to get killed. Without looking back, I thre my knife at him. I walked out without looking to see if it was buried in his crotch or not."

"After that... I assumed she'd been killed, or they were going to kill me later on. I didn't give a damn. Well, we bedded down, and three days later we were called out one by one. Then I wound up in the room with her. We sat and waited in silence for fifteen minutes. Then the room got cold... Freezing.'

"After I saw her shivvering, I put my arm around and pulled her close. A good half hour later, we were both burning up and blushing. When we next looked at one another..."

"... You can guess what happened. We were at each other for hours... Until we both passed out. I was then drugged and returned to grandmother's. I woke up and gave her a glare. Normally I wore my mask, and acted like her favorite loving grandson. That time... I said fuck it."

"Well, from there, I never went back. I lived the rest of my life acting like it never happened... But It ate away at me, living like a normal person. It felt like the rest of the world was moving in slow motion."

"They way they changed us began with supplements, to increase muscle mass and metabolic rate. It also reduced muscle degeneration from disuse. After that, steroids and stimulants. We were heavily drugged. The one that changed us... "

"It overstimulated our adrenal glands, gave us a constant adrenaline buzz. It meant that we constantly had that, which sped us up. However, it fucked with the rest of our brains. Our thyroid, and hormone production glands to name a few. Everyone who underwent the gene therapy is a horndog."

"It was a failsafe to ensure we bred, and brought about more of us. Dogs who were adults unknowingly gave their children to become the next generation of dogs. It kept the cycle going. The changes also carried over to our offspring, making a superior breed of humans..."

"...Or, at least that was the theory. You see, we're not much stronger than others. We can simply use our muslces more efficiently, and don;t have as much of a limiter on them. Human brains naturally limit the extent of force one can exert under normal circumstances to prevent you from tearing them apart."

"Normal people can use roughly 20% whereas dogs can use up to 50% normally. Wolves are somewhere around 70-90% depending. However... Due to the imbalances caused by the therapy, wolves are a bit different."

"For us, we have standard function. No change. Then, during combat or experiencing strong emotion, we have adrenaline rush. That is constant, and most of us can maintain it for extended amounts of time. I've kept it going for several weeks before giving out. Adrenaline surge is a defense mechanism, one not predicted by the fidgets."

"It is basically an adrenaline rush in normal people, but for us, it's massive. Time slows to a crawl, and our perception increases. While an adrenaline rush seems to dilute time a bit while we remain unaffected, adrenaline surge not only slows everything to a near dead-stop, but speeds up our reactions extensively."

"We can only maintain it for a few moments, the best can hold it for minutes. Of our perception, I mean. Ten minutes is my limit. After that, my heart is liable to give out. Adrenaline surge is brought on by life-threatening situations, extreme anger, and fear. We have nearly none, but we're still human. Fearing for the life of a loved one is the most common of such."

"Well, for wolves, adrenaline rush removes our mind's limit on our muscle exertion. Surge, however... That allows us to push our bodies far beyond our limitations. However... It garuntees that you're going to tear your muscles apart. In exchange, for a time, you go anywhere from 110-500% physical strength. Doesn't sound like much, but then again..."

"I've personally flipped an F-150 with one arm. I've never pushed my strength to it's utmost limit, but... It's somewhere between 300-450% of normal. Benching is well over half a ton, but I haven't maxed out yet."

"We are strong, but it's our minds that make us deadly. Our brains process information faster than average, making us much more efficient as soldiers. Normal people go through what is called OODA loop."

"Observe, Orient, Decide, Act. See, Filter, Choose, Move. You see something, that information goes through your emotional/mental filter, your go through your options, you choose an action, you act upon your choice. This process often takes roughly a quarter of a second. For us, it's nearly instantaneous."

"That means, instead of having to stop think and consider, we can constantly keep moving. It means we don't need to stop. That makes us deadly. We can move, think, act and react faster than any normal human soldier. Our reaction times are in the ten-thousandths of seconds. .0005, for example."

"For example... When someone's talking to you, suddenly sut them off and ask them something stupid. Like, 'What's a henway?' Or, 'Does leprechaun shit smell like clovers?' "

"Then, see how long it takes them to fully process that. That is their OODA Loop, and therefore, their reacton time. There was an entire book about it written by General Boyd. I'd reccommend reading it if you want to see more about the subject."

"Anyway, that's why we're able to fight like superhuman killing machines. I'd guesstimate there being roughly eight hundred or so more of my kind roaming around. We're often whored out to governments or paramilitary units as CQB or sniping experts. My skill-set is wide and varied, from sapper-school to sniping. My specialty always has been, and always will be close quarters. Even among my kind, I'm very fast, and very strong. It's rare for one of us to have 300%+ along with extremely hightened reaction times."

"Well, that's about all you need to know about my origins and abilities. Which have only gotten better since the mansion incident, due to a certain-"

"ROY! Why are there bodies in my trash can?!" We hear an obviously feminine voice shout from offscreen, and Roy suddenly looks to be in a panic.

"Ohshitohshitohshitohshit..." He jumps up, and scrambles to wipe the blood off the table. Not fast enough.

An older, but still extremely recognizable Rebecca Chambers walks into the room. She's about two inches taller than when she was in '98, her bust has grown to at least a small DD, and her curves are extremely... enticing.

Her outfit isn't helping the matter. A tight green T-shirt that's obviously a bit too tight, as it shows her midrift. Combined wth a miniskirt and spandex shorts under it, with socks and nothing more. Well, a scowl, too. Small studs are in her ears, and her hair is nearly shoulder-length. It looks a shade darker than before, and her eyes are a very odd emerald-crimson color.

"What the fuck did you do?! Arrgh! Get the clorox wipes! I am NOT having a bloodstain on my dining table! I told you that Claire and Leon are coming over tomorrow!" She dashed over to the table, while we hear Roy scrambling about down the hall from us.

"Got 'em! Incoming!" Rebecca turns her head, an annoyed look on her features. She raises a hand and easily catches a yellow blur that was in midair. It was a throw that would impress any MLB all-star pitcher.

She pulls a wipe from the cylinder and starts frantically trying to clean the dried blood from the table. "Gah! I don't care if you're gonna kill someone, but clean up the mess! I'm a nurse, not a mortician! Why didn't you at least wipe up the blood?!"

Silence... "...Roy?" Rebecca looks up, and the camera turns. Roy is nowhere in sight... there's an open window nearby.

"...That sonofabitch! When This is done, I am so gonna kick his ass..." We go back, and see Rebecca still scratching away at the stained table.

She looks up, right at the camera. "The hell're you looking at? And what're you doing in my house?! Get out! Shoo! Go away!" She procedes to grab the plastic container of wipes and chucks it at the camera.

...Well, we then exit stage left.

And so, recap. Roy is a superhuman soldier trained as a child. His body has been alterred by gene therapy and mental conditioning, as well as other more torturous methods. He is currently living with Rebecca Chambers, and they are currently engaged.

...Claire and Leon are visiting with the intent of helping them planning the wedding, a year or two in advance. Mostly because Leon is like that... With what we, the audiance, already know, how will he react at the wedding? Will he be the best man, or father of the groom? Who knows... All that we do know, is that Roy is going to tell him to get a haircut. And make fun of Billy for having a mullet.

Muahahahaha. As is, they are currently debating on whether to have a halloween wedding, or something more traditional... As you'd guess, Roy suggested just a small backyard wedding with the entire cast of Umbrella Survivors. He said his other reccommendation was a drive-though wedding, which did not go over so well...

You can guess why. And, I would bet you can guess who was currently planning on crashing in at the last second, shouting "I OBJECT!"

Well, regardless, the oddly-matched couple get on well. Rebecca isn't normally such a tsundre, but she was pissed when her best friend and her boyfriend were coming over, and Roy happened to permanently stain the dining room table with blood. He returned an hour afterward carrying the same exact model of table on his shoulder, already assembled.

Yeah... He's like that. Obviously, the make-up sex was loud, long, and overly enthused considering the circumstances. After passing out, they both woke up late when the doorbell rang.

...And Rebecca proceded to strangle Roy while running to the door wearing nothing more than his button-up shirt. Which was, thankfully, long enough to cover her tender bits. Roy was thankful for baving the common sense to put his shorts on before clocking out.

When the door opened, Claire and Leon were both shocked at the sight, the short, mostly-naked brunette had one hand on Roy's neck, him comically pretending to asphixiate, and the other was holding the door open, telling them to come in and make themselves at home while they got dressed.

Rebecca's hair was sticking up at odd angles, and Roy somehow got his face to turn an odd shade of blue. Either he was a master, or he really was being strangled. He was dressed in a pair of boxer-briefs that were dangerously close to bursting from the bulge in the front.

Leon had his head in his hand, struggling not to burst into laughter. Claire... She didn't bother. She was holding her sides, guffaws of laughter echoing down the vacant street, tears streaming down her face.

Walking inside, still snickering, they ignored the table that was carelessly tossed in the middle of the living room, and were about to sit at the dining room table, which looked conspiculously similar to the one lying in the living room.

"Huh? Why's there a bloodstain on it...?"

At those words, they both heard an extremely loud SLAP! echo throughout the house, originating from the master bedroom.

They both started laughing again.

_**I carry a gun because a policeman is too heavy.**_

_**Okay, this made me laugh. "There are three things I hate. Racism, homophobia, and that black faggot that lives down the street." -Staredad's Opinion. Fucked up, but funny.**_

_**College Teacher says: "This is not an assignment that can be done overnight the day before it's due."  
Student: 'Challenge accepted.'**_

_**PWS: Taking an AK and an AR15, drugging them with spanish fly, and locking them both in a room with a bed and a case of Red Bull.  
The result? The MK1 series, also known as the Diablo. The baddest, hardest motherfuckin combat-ready rifle you can find that will take any abuse you can dish out, and still look good enough to leave you jizzing your pants. AK/AR debatists, eat your hearts out. Trolling successful. **_


	40. Chp 39 Moving Ever Onward To Tomorrow

**Waking Death**

The Nightmare

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid, suicidal motherfuckers. **_

#40 Ya-ho! Back on track. We now return to our more-than-slightly drenched heroes, as they enter the control room for the aqua ring. Roy single-handedly killed the Neptune, then got outta the water just in time for the other, smaller sharks to come calling for dinner. Roy's response was swift, decisive, brutal, and, of course, liberally spiced with enough profanity to make Revy blush. (From embarassment or excitement, nobody knows. Er, did you just hear someone racking a beretta, or is that just me? *We then hear the unforgettable sound of _~Let the Bodies Hit the Floor~_ * )

After getting inside and slamming the door behind us, I cracked my neck and said, "Shit... Right about now I'd kill to just have some music to listen to... A little Drowning Pool maybe... And no, Chris, that does not mean you can start singing showtunes." I deadpanned, and he gave me a sarcastic look before moving to the ladder and climbing down. I slid down it with an overly-enthused, "Wheeeee!"

Where I soundly landed on his toes when I dismounted the ladder. Little bitch jumped up and started hopping on one foot for a solid minute. I was about to call him a pussy when I remembered something ominous...

Which was accompanied by an ominous sound. That of a heavy, dull impact, followed by glass cracking. I turned my head and saw the source. That damned shark had rammed the reinforced glass. Fuck.

I hauled ass around the room, shoving Chris back into the hallway for good measure, as I buzzed around the controls. 'Flip that switch, press that button, turn valve #1, flip switch, press button, drain water, ect...'

After a minute, the steel shutters closed over the windows, the shark having rammed it only three times. After a few minutes, the water was fully drained. I whistled. "Well, that's done and over with. C'mon, let's see if we can't find anything useful."

And so, we went around the small area looking for supplies. We were in luck, as we found a handful of magnum rounds, which I took and saved for Barry, as well as a few shotgun shells that also became mine. Then we found something odd.

A case of military-grade 5.56x45 ammunition. A whole fucking case! That's a thousand rounds! I gleefully snatched it up and somehow clipped it to my belt, then told Chris we were heading back up to the residence. (It wasn't like I needed something as useless as a key to open the room with the bug spray, right?)

Eight minutes later, we were back inside the residence. I was just about to kick down the door to the alchemical room, when my radio went off and I blanched. Unclipping it from my vest, I turned up the volume and readjusted it. (And drying it off)

"_Roy, you there? Hello?_" It was Barry.

"Yeah, I'm here. Go ahead. Over."

"_I'n not sure how to tell you this, but Kenneth's gone. MIA. Rebecca was still in the medical room, still breathing, but he was gone. We still haven't seen heads nor tails of Forest. Over._"

Now Kenneth was gone? What the fuck? "Gone? No blood, no gun, no shells?"

"_None of the above. Something's not right about this... _"

Damn straight something isn't right about it! "...Okay, you and Jill take Rebecca with you back to the main foyer. I'm going to finish up over here, then we'll meet you there and blast the fucking gate open if I have to. Also, tell Jill I've got some ammo for her rifle. Got a few rounds for you, too, Burton. They'll come in handy. Over and out."

I cut the communication. Shit, something is really fucked up about this. I small a rat... A blonde, sunglasses-wearing rat...

"..Roy, any idea what the hell's going on?" Chris was sporting a worried expression.

"Not a clue. I just hope those three will be alright... I get the feeling we'll find out what happened to the other two before we make it out of this nightmare. Let's get moving before another angel decides to piss in our flintlocks."

He involuntarily smirked at my statement, and stepped back as I told him to. I raised my boot once again, and gave a nice, bone-smashing kick. The door flew inward, and I dashed inside, hung a hard left, and sprinted past the bees. When I reached the body a moment later, I snatched up the insecticide and hauled ass back through the doorway I'm come in from.

Chris never said a word as I shoved him out of the way and ran over to the wall with a hole in it. After jamming the spray into the hole and emptying the canister, then did I make my way back and help Chris back to his feet. This all occurred in under thiry seconds, just so you know.

I am that fast. Anyway, I then walked back in, told Chris to stay put, and went to the double doors. I reached back into my asspack and fumbled around for a few moments...

'Huh? The fuck?' I pulled out what I'd been feeling up. It was a 40mm napalm grenade. 'Huh... guess I'd messed up. I had two regular grenades and one incindiary left... Well. That just makes my next job a whole fucklot easier.' With a maniacle grin, I loaded my launcher and kicked in the doors, then ran inside and dashed right, heading straight up the stairs.

As the evil plant swung a tantacle/vine at me, I ducked and kept running up the stairs. Reaching the top, I spun left and raised my gun. "Suck this, ya hentai freak!" And fired. The napalm round didn't disappoint. I had a feeling it was overcharged, since it exploded against the thing's bulb and covered the rest of the plant in sticky, burning gunk. I got lucky. I'd stepped back to dodge a vine and just barely avoided getting my foot scorched when I did.

Well, after putting a few rounds in Plant 42 for good measure, the thing kept burning and eventually fell off the ceiling. The moment it did, I ambled down the stairs, went back through the busted double doors, and told Chris it was time to meet back up with the others.

It took us a few minutes, but we got back to the mini-elevator and went up. We made our way back to the heavy steel door, and I switched out for my shotgun, checking my ammo count. I had roughly 80 shotgun shells, and 8 spare magazines for my rifle. I had 11 for my pistol. With the case of 5.56, I'd have 14 magazines for the rifle, considering whatever extra bullets I'd have in my spent mags carrier, so I wasn't worried about ammo.

I was more worried about the other three getting hurt. I could keep Chris safe, and Barry could probably keep Jill from getting herself killed, but where did that leave Rebecca? And where were Forest and Kenneth? Something wasn't right about that.

Stepping inside the mansion, I almost forgot about the hunters. then I remembered why I had my shotgun in my hand. Hearing the door open and the creature screech, I shoved Chris forward and spun around, mossberg held at waist height.

The moment the lizard came around the corner, my finger pulled the trigger. The blast hit the monster dead in the face, throwing it against the wall, where it slid down and fell to the floor with a thump. I racked my gun and waited to find out whether it was still alive.

It wasn't. I turned and pulled Chris along, practicallt dragging him to the foyer.

Opening the door, I called out, "Oy! Holler if you're dead!" It was met with exclamations of joy.

"Roy! Chris! You're both alright!" Jill came over from her place on the stairs. Barry stayed put, keeping Rebecca's prone form from falling. I left Chris to his partner and moved over to Barry, setting the case of ammo on the floor. After handing Barry the magnum rounds I'd grabbed, I looked Becca over.

Judging from the knot on her head, someone clocked her from behind. Pretty damn hard, too. I asked Barry, "She wake up at all while I was gone?"

"No. I'm worried she might have a concussion. If so..."

"...Yeah. Real bad. The radio go off?"

"Brad tried to contact us. Radio's busted, and the other ones don't have the range to reach him."

"...Fuck. You see what kinda key is needed for the basement gate?"

"Two hexagon indentations. Why they can't just have a regular keyhole, I'll never understand..."

I nodded, and stood up. I walked back down to where the gate was, and examined it. Looked sturdy enough, but I could knock it down. I just didn't wanna deal with the thing on the other side. Oh, well. Roll the dice!

I raised my foot, and gave an ungodly kick. Once, twice, three times. My fourth fully forced opened the gate. With a look of approval, I went back up to the others. "Alright, I've go the gate open. Say, Barry, did you and Jill clear the library?"

He nodded. "Yeah. We spent a good hour in there."

"Did you find anything unusual? Out of the ordinary?"

Jill piped up. "Now that you mention it..." She reached into one of her pockets, and removed a blue book.

"I found this in there. Unlike everything else, it was the only thing that seemed out of place, like someone just shoved it where they thought no one would look." I took it out of her hand and opened it, removing the medal. I smiled.

"Oh, good. Saved me having to look for it. Now then, I want you all to stay here. I found one of George Trevor's journals about the construction of this place, and I think I know where to get the other item we need to get out of here." This got a reaction. I was met with wide eyes all around. I gestured to the ammo case on the floor.

"Start reloading magazines while I'm gone. Keep an eye on Becca for me." I pulled out all the empty or mostly-empty M4 and handgun magazines from the pouch on my belt, and dropped them by the case. I also pulled and dropped the three bozes of 9mm ammo I had on me from the other mansion.

Turning, I went up the stairs and made my way to the room with the moving walls. It wasn't difficult to solve the mini-puzzle, since it was just go in, press button, move statue, press button, move statue again, and bam. The way was revealed. I hopped down the hole, snatched up the book, removed the medal, pocketed it, turned around...

Realised getting out would be a bitch, and decided to shotcut it. "Fuck this." I pulled the hookshot from the back of my belt and aimed.

After getting out, I then took the long route to the dining room, and removed the wooden crest. Then jogged to the piano room, and made an amazing feat of strength by hooking my fingers underneath the fake wall, and lifted. I forced the thing up, then stepped under it and over to the gold emblem.

I plucked it from its place, and replaced it with the wooden one. The sliding wall automatically reopened, and I placed the solid gold item in my asspack. I figured I'd pawn it later on for a decent price. (Hey, I wasn't going through all this for nothing. After that, I went by the room with the eagle security camera and got the yellow and red gems. Figured they'd be worth a few quid. Not to mention, I mooned the camera. Juuust for shits and giggles)

Once I had all that, I hurried over to where the tiger statue was. Using my superior strength, forcing the turntable to turn right was easy. Actually, it could be done by a child. I nearly fell over when I pushed with all my might. Think I busted the mechanism. It was actually pretty fucking flimsy, which explains why it would slide too far, then fully get into place. Picking up the MO disc, I figured it would make my job easier.

Well, then I made my way back to the foyer. Damn, am I good at cheating this game. I had both the wolf and eagle medals, I had the full squad of survivors, and we had a metric fuckton of ammo. Must be on easy mode.

Arriving at the foyer, I picked up two fully loaded magazines, which earned a glare from Jill, before walking down to the gate. The others were loading the M4 and handgun magazines that we'd all collectively emptied. Rebecca was still out cold.

"I'll scout ahead, and radio back when I've got something. Try not to get yourselves killed while I'm gone!" I called back, and snickered. I could just see Chris flipping me off and Barry chuckling while Jill rolled her eyes.

I made my way down the stairs, and then the creepy cave-tunnel before sliding down the ladder. And guess who was already down there, firing away at Lisa Trevor? None other than our favorite blonde wannabe-god. He fired three more rounds, then looked back at me.

I smirked. "Seems she's taken a liking to ya, Alby." I raised my rifle, and fired a short burst at Lisa. Stepping closer, I noticed his annoyed, sardonic expression.

"Was there a point to your earlier outburst, or were you just venting?" He reloaded, and then resumed firing.

I scoffed. "A'course. It let you move freely without risking you getting them into one of George's stupid traps. What'd you do to Kenneth and Forest, anyway?" He looked at me. I reloaded.

"Kenneth and Forest? I haven't seen them since they left Raccoon City." I blanched.

"Wait. You didn't drag them off? Then who the hell did?" He shrugged.

"I think we have more important things to worry about at the moment..." He was right, which I didn't like. I moved up and kicked one of Lisa's legs out form under her, then followed through with a mule-kick to the face. Which planted her firmly on her back.

After making sure Wesker wouldn't shoot me in the back, I kicked each of the four stones off into the abyss and watched Lisa grab her mother's head and jump. Still wierd to watch.

Wesker was unfazed by the display. "So, are you a fucking ninja or something? How the hell'd you get down here without unlocking the gate?"

He smirked, a smug look that only he could pull off without looking completely retarded. "That is a company secret which I'm not going to reveal."

"Huh. Whatever, Houdini." My nonchalant attitude must be what truly pisses him off. Because at my words, his smirk suddenly morphed into a scowl. Now it was my turn to smirk.

"Anyway, if you didn't mess with 'em, then who the fuck did? We're the only two in this mansion who know what's actually going on."

He shrugged. "Security cameras have been getting destroyed. There was never a clear picture of who was doing it." What? Someone else is here fucking things up? Oh, that's just looovely.

"Well, that's just fucking great. The others are coming soon. You'd better pull another one'a your disappearing acts." He quirked an eyebrow.

"Don't think you're needed for my assignment, Wesker. You living or dying doesn't mean a damn to me. If they're with me, you are a hostile target. Don't forget that." I walked away, moving up the ladder and back to the foyer. I never heard a single footstep behind me.

Once I was back up the stairs, I rounded the corner and met up with the others. "Alright, all's clear. Pack it up and move out."

The three of them stood up, two of them placing loaded magazines in their pockets. I went over to where Rebecca was seated on the stairs.

She was still out cold, and looked to be sleeping peacefully. I sat next to her, and patted her cheek. "Oy. C'mon, Becks. Wake up. I need you conscience for this. Hey. Heeey... Get uuup. Oyyy! Get the hell up or I'm gonna tickle you to death...!" Still no response.

"You asked for it." I then used my secret weapon for waking up people who are knocked out. Tickle them until they wake themselves up from laughing.

Ten minutes later, three of which she was wide awake, Chris finally walked over and gibsmacked me a looot harder than he needed to.

"Alright, she's up, knock it off before she pisses herself." I stood up, throwing him an annoyed look, before offering my hand to the still-giggling Rebecca. "T-too late! Heeheheheheh... Ah, heheheh... My sides are killing me..."

To the sidelines, the two who had been watching this entire escapade. Jill said, "Huh... That actually worked... What the hell?" Barry turned to her with a grin. "Pay up." She handed him a twenty with a scowl.

Helping her up, I led Rebecca to the room next to us that was normally locked for the helmet key. One swift kick later, we were in and I shut the half-busted door before leading her to a secluded corner. Rebecca looked at me funny. Before she asked what I knew she was about to ask, I said,

"G'head, I'm pretty sure killing his employees and experimenting on humans warrants someone pissing in his house. He's lucky he ain't here, or I'd piss on his head." She got the idea. I ambled over to the door, listening and making sure none of them walked in wondering what we were doing.

I heard several things being unbuckled and after a few minutes, liquid being emptied onto the floor. After five minutes, I was wondering if she was part horse, before the shound stopped, and I heard her getting dressed. When I saw her again, she was sprting a look of pure bliss. "What're you, part horse?" She didn't let my pun ruin her mood, but she did happily flip me off on her way to the door.

Once everyone was packed up, I got my four rifle mags and two pistol ones. Then we all made our way down the stairs, the ladder, up the tiny lift, and to the large fountain. I got out the two medals, and placed them in their respective indentations. Then I listened to the sounds of awe coming from the STARS members. What a buncha maroons.

The water emptied, and we went onto the elevator. It was a damn tight fit, but we managed. It went down, down, down into the flaming ring of fire... No, not really. But that's what it felt like.

'Into the depths of hell we go... With little more than our dicks in our hands... The leader... The dame... The medic... The veteran... And the badass...' (Chris, Jill, Rebecca, Barry, then Myself, obviously)

_**On the road again... Don't worry, i'll be updating Jiraiya's adventures soon enough. I haven't been in the mood to write a long-ass sex scene, so bear with me. Anyway, so down they go, into the depths of hell, where they will each face their greatest challenge... His fear; Her crush; Her love; A drought of sandwiches, and the death of his comrades... Err, well, that seems about right... Ah, fuck it. One foot in front of the other, come what may. We shall move ever onward, to tomorrow!**_

_**"You better run... You better hide... 'Cuz if I find you, I'm gonna gut you alive!" -Me, at the end of a rather inspiring, fear-inducind speech that has something to do with Rainbow 6 Patriots.**_

_**I carry a gun because a policeman is too heavy.**_

_**PWS: Taking an AK and an AR15, drugging them with spanish fly, and locking them both in a room with a bed and a case of Red Bull.  
The result? The MK1 series, also known as the Diablo. The baddest, hardest motherfuckin combat-ready rifle you can find that will take any abuse you can dish out, and still look good enough to leave you jizzing your pants. AK/AR debatists, eat your hearts out. Trolling successful. **_


	41. Chp 40 Waking the Demon Within

**Waking Death**

The Nightmare

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid, suicidal motherfuckers. **_

#41 Damn, am I awesome! I'm working on Waking Death again! And here I promised to work on Jiraiya's story... Ah, well, fuck it. I'll do that later today. With a little... Inspiration, from my co-writer. (By that, I mean the girl who motivates me to write such things)

We descended the elevator, until we got to the bottom, and then went through the steel gates. On the other side, we looked around the room we were in. 'Definately underground... Cement, with industrial-grade machinery. Damp, cool, and with lots of high-grade materials built into the construction. Huh... You can practically smell Umbrella's hands all over this.'

Once we'd made sure nothing nasty was going to pop out, we went around the machine and descended the ladder. When everyone was down below, "STARS, welcome..." I kicked open the metal doors and stepped through, turning right my rifle raised. "...To the Arklay Mountains Research Facility." I said, with my creepiest voice. Both females shivvered, for some reason they could not identify.

We could already hear the familiar moans of the undead, and I started in on them immediately.

"Eyes up. Break's over, ladies. Time to go to work." I fired my first shot, smacking the labcoated zombie in his left temple. When he slammed back against the wall and slumped to the floor, I moved forward, turning to the right and aiming down at the next undead motherfucker. When he was dealt with, I looked back to where the others were. "Y'all sure are taking your sweet time." This statement was met with bashful grins all-around.

I shook my head. " 'Bout to start calling all of ya Brad..." Moving on... I had them follow me as I grabbed the MO disc before kicking down the double doors next to me, into the staff room. Stepping inside, I tapped out 8462 into the keypad on the secutity system before snagging another MO disc. My pack was starting to get full, so I'd have to start foisting stuff on the others soon.

The wall that hid the security terminal slid up, startling the shit out of Barry, who expected another monster to come crashing in. I didn't blame him. While he and Jill went and looked into the room, I turned on the projector, and called them over. "Oy, have a look at this."

Everyone's eyes were on the screen, as I went through the slideshow. Seeing the neptune, Chris visibly shuddered. Hmm... They all looked shocked when they saw Wesker among the staff of BOW development.

Amidst their gasps of surprise, disbelief, and utter terror, I said,

"Shit... Barry, Jill, I want you two to remain here and see what you can find. The rest of us will push forward." I went and grabbed the lab key, since I didn't feel like trying to kick down one of those reinforced steel doors. I didn't think using explosives would be very smart in such enclosed spaces.

There was only one incident that dulled our progress. It was in the refueling room. Rebecca was reading the fax, but not paying attention. When the zombie stood up, she didn't react fast enough. It had her, and she was going to die...

But I wasn't about to let that happen. I moved, faster than ever before. I thrust my arm between its teeth and her neck. There was a sickening crunching sound, followed by a groan of pain...

Emanating from me, of course. I pulled my knife and jammed it into the creature's temple, before prying it off my forearm. Rebecca saw the bite, and freaked the fuck out. I gibsmacked and chastised her for not paying attention. Then had her bandage it before Chris came in and saw it.

I had an idea of what I would do, and I tried my damnedest to ignore the aching, pulsing, throbbing agony that reverberated form the bite. I was infected... But I was sure as shit not dying tonight.

Moving forward, we made good progress. After clearing the most of the lab, putting in the three MO discs, and a very unsettling trip between the refueling and boiler rooms, I had the elevator on, the lab was free of monsters, and I was standing in front of the elevator, I called the other two on the radio.

"Barry, Jill, get your asses over to us. I think we've found something..."

Within a few minutes, we were all gathered in front of the elevator. We piled in, then it started to descend.

None of them paid any mind to the bandage on my arm, which was a good thing.

"And why are we all jammed in here at once...?" Jill was visibly annoyed, especially since her tits were pressed up against Chris. He was trying not to look at her, but the crimson staining from his cheeks to the tips of his ears told everyone how he felt. Barry was chuckling silently from the corner he was jammed up against.

"In case the elevator shuts down, or the damned thing runs out of fuel. This way there's only two trips."

"I don't much mind it... From the looks of it, neither does Chris." Rebecca sniped. She was pressed up against my back, wriggling around a good deal more than she needed to. Well, not that I was complaining.

We were all down, and we went from the elevator to the door that would lead into the lab that Wesker was taking refuge in... Wonder how this will turn out... 'Hmm... Should I kill him... Or let things play out naturally...?' Right here, right now... I probably made the biggest mistake of my entire life... But I would do it all over again.

I kicked in the door, moving inside with my rifle up. I stepped to the side, rifle raised, letting the others move up ahead of me. As I thought, Wesker was standing there, tapping something out on the computer. I think it was his shopping list... (Leather trench coat, leather pants, new sunglasses, boots, hair gel, and an ungodly amount of vaseline)

"WESKER!" My shout carried with it the fury of the the last man standing; the hollow, dead voice of a man whose sole purpose has long-since vanished...

He turned his head lazily, the smug smirk plastered all over his face. "I'm sorry, could you say that a bit louder? I couldn't quite hear you..." His smirkness was interrupted by Chris.

"You bastard! How long has Umbrella been holding your lease?" Nicely put, but its on the other way around. Ah, he'll learn eventually...

Wesker turn, gun pointed straight at Chris' face. "I have always worked for Umbrella... You and the rest of STARS has been nothing more than my little... side project. Barry, Roy." At this Barry glanced at me.

Turning and pointing my rifle at Jill, I was situated so Wesker couldn't see the eye I winked at Barry with. He played along, leveling his revolver at Chris. Although he never had his finger on the trigger.

Now the others were truly afraid. If Wesker had control over both of them... What hope did they have of walking out alive. Rebecca had tears in her eyes, as she stared at me. I saw sorrow, fear, disappointment, betrayal, despair, and anger in her eyes... You have no idea how hard it was not to throw down my gun and embrace her, to drive off every negative feeling she had...

But I kept my face blank, my hands still as stone, and my eyes hard as flint. I never so much as twitched... But it hurt. It hurt like nothing you could ever imagine...

"Ha ha ha ha ha... Now you see, Chris? I never intended for any of you to get this far. You impress me, Redfield. It's almost a shame to waste such talent... But I can't have any of you living to see tomorrow." His smirk got even more evil. "I suppose I should put your dear sister out of her misery too... Oh, how she couldn't bear to live without her loving brother..."

Now, Chris reacted. His eyes widened, his scowl turned into a mask of pure rage. "If you so much as touch her... I will break every bone in your body..." He was cut short when wesker shoved him backward, right over to the two girls.

"Enough empty threats. You won't even have the opportunity. Now stay there and shut up."

"Why are you doing this?" Jill did a damn good job of concealing her anger, but it showed through. I did not want to be Chris in a decade if she ever got pissed off.

"Why? Well, since you'll be dead within the hour, I suppose you've earned the right to know what will happen..." And so, he went into his little tirade on what he was doing, why, and several other little things. I decided I was fed up with villains talking for hours and the heroes never interrupting them with a bullet.

"...And then, the world will-" I cut him off.

"Oy Wiskers, wouldja shut the fuck up right about now? They don't need to know." He glared at me, but stopped explaining his hairbrained scheme.

"Very well. I suppose that is all the time I have to spare... Do any of you have any last words?" He said, as he cocked his SE2.

In the quarter second before Chris growled something obscene, I interjected.

"Yeah. Psyche!" I spun my rifle around, firing my weapon on full-auto. My first round his his trigger finger, taking it off. Before he could react, I emptied the magazine into his chest and gut. When he slammed backward into the counter, I dropped the mag and reloaded. Then I slung my gun onto my back, and walked right up to him.

Picking up his handgun, I tossed it to Chris, who was, obviously, gaping like a fish. Bary had a relieved smile on his face, whereas Rebecca looked like I had just grown the wings of an angel before pulling a halo outta my ass.

Anyway... I knelt next to Wesker. He was still alive, and would be for some time. My round shit his lungs, and just about everything that wasn't vital. As he looked up at me, pure unadulterated loathing in his eyes, I said, "That... was for Edward. For Richard. For Forest. For Kenneth. For Enrico. For Kevin. For Joseph."

I leaned closer to him. "...And what I am about to do, is for everyone you have taken from me. For everyone your malicious greed has killed. For every life you have ruined, and every single fucking person Umbrella has killed."

The anger in his eyes never faded during this, but what I was going to do... Well... It would make the devil himself flinch.

Leaning close, I pulled my knife from its scabbard. I whispered, so softly that only he could hear me. "Wester... As I stood over the empty graves of my parents, and the girl I loved... I swore that when I got my hands on you... _** That I would carve their names into your skull.**_" The fire in my eyes, the anger from within my soul, and the conviction that made me the deadliest sonofabitch in existance... That is drove my threat home.

Now... Now Wesker looked like he was about to shit himself. I didn't need to look back to see the looks of fear in the others' eyes.

I flicked my eyes to the others, and growled, "Get out of here... This is not for the faint of heart." Every one of them beat feet, and hauled ass out the door. I know what true anger instills in others, and didn't want Rebecca to see that... But this needed to be done.

I looked back to Wesker...

"Now the fun starts... "

It took half an hour. Half an hour of pure agony, of pure pain, of retribution. Then it was done. The names of the fallen were inscribed, Wesker's chest and back being my canvas.

_Edward...Richard...Forest...Joseph...Enrico...Kevin...Kenneth...Chris...Jill...Brad...Barry...Rebecca...Carlos...Billy...Leon...Claire...Sherry...Ark..._

But then, I moved to his head. I placed my bloodied knife upon his forehead, and began to carve the most important one of all. I moved, slowly, precisely, and made not a single error.

The name... **Sarah**. It was deep, in elegant script, and went more than halfway through the thick plate of his skull. Several parts of him had been maimed, but I recovered them with his clothes. I replaced his shirt, but left it open. He had died within moments of completing my work, in pure agony. But he never passed out, not cried aloud. I respected that. But I was still alive, and he was still dead... But I needed to make sure I stayed that way.

I walked over to the other side of the Tyrant capsule. (Carefully edging along the tubes across from it) and picked up a half-empty syringe that had a tint of blood on the needle. 'So... This is the moment where I do something completely retarded, but somehow walk away unharmed. Right...?'

I lifted the needle gingerly, and examined the liquid within. After tapping the needle and wiping off and blood, I thought to myself, 'Fuck it. Roll the dice.' Then I lifted the sleeve of my right arm, and stuck the needle into the already exposed vein.

Thinking I had to be completely fucking insane... I pushed the plunger, and injected myself with _the same virus Wesker had injected himself with minutes before we'd arrived. _

I felt... Off. Not bad, just a bit strange. Like a part of me was trying to adjust itself to get comfortable. I ignored it and went back to the door, opening it and calling the others back in. "Business is done. Rebeca, I need you for a minute. The rest of you, head back up to the ladder next to the typewriter. Now, people! We've got a way to get outta here!" My statement was recieved by wary looks, until I mentioned a way out. Then they all hauled ass to the elevator, sans Rebecca.

She walked in, taking small, fearful steps. "C'mon, we don't have all night." She flinched. I sighed.

"It's alright. I needed him to think I was on his side so he wouldn't pay attention. I'm not angry, so come on. I don't know how long it'll be until Brad runs out of fuel, and I can't do this without your help." With a little more coaxing, she came forward, and relaxed a bit more when I put my arm around her and gently squeezed her shoulder.

Once I told her that the entire place was contaminated with the tyrant virus, I explained that the only way to ensure that it wouldn't get out was by activating the self-destruct, and that I needed her help to set it up. She agreed, knowing the kind of disaster an outbreak of the stuff would be.

It took her ten minutes, but then it was on. I had her put in a countdown of thirty minutes, to be safe. Just as she hit the button, we both dashed out, hauling ass to the elevator and out of this hellhole.

Blasting mutated insects along the way, we got to the ladder, and the others were still standing there, looking tense. I said, "Up that ladder and through the blast doors. We're taking the short route to the roof and sending up a flair." I didn't need to tell 'em twice. They hauled ass.

After going through and making it to the other side, I snatched up the fuse without missing a beat, and slapped it into the socket next to the elevator. Then hit the button and went back to the others. We heard the screeching, and saw a dozen or so hunters heading for us...

Pulling my last two frag grenades, I pulled the pins and threw them down the hall."Move! On that lift now!" We all ran for our lives, moving the short fifteen or so feet within seconds. The moment we were on, I punched the button for the roof, and waited tensely for the doors to shut...

We got there, we were finally on the roof. I grabbed the signal rocket and plopped it down, flipping it open and setting it off. The flare went up, and within moments, we heard the rotors of a chopper. We were all tense, waiting.

It took five minutes, but Brad got to us. I grabbed the landing prop, and waved the others on. They climbed up, moving double-time. Jill jumped and Barry pulled her up, having already gotten on. Rebecca was last, and I picked her up, lifting her up into the others' arms. then I jumped on myself. (By the way, the chopper was roughly nine or so feet in the air. Yeah... It was a feat.)

Once we were on, I dashed right into the cockpit and yelled, right into Brad's ear, "**GET US THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, CHICKENSHIT!**" He didn't just flinch, he jumped in his seat. His helmet came within half an inch of the roof. I was glad he didn't crash us into the roof of the mansion. If he had, I'd've tossed him over the side.

Well... We were moving away from that acursed place. I guessed we were roughly fifteen miles away when the place went up in smoke. I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding. The pain in my arm had faded, and was nothing more than a dull ache. I reached into my vest and pulled out one of my two hidden cigarettes.

Chris saw and raised his hand, gesturing for one. I handed him the one I'd been holding and pulled out my last one. Before he tried to light up, I stood, hunched over, and pulled the door shut. Barry did the same with the other one. Then I handed Chris my lighter, since he was fumbling around looking for his.

He had lit up, and handed it back. I lit mine, and inhaled... Both of us coughed a bit, but it was alright. Not all that bad, once you got used to it. Barry was sitting back, looking about a thousand years old. He was checking his gun, whereas Jill was sitting back, her eyelids hanging heavy, her head tilting forward.

Chris pulled her back, and leaned her on his shoulder. She fell asleep within moments. Rebecca was nearly the same, but I pulled her onto my lap and let her fall asleep on my shoulder before she could conk out on the floor.

And so... We were all like this for a good long while... The three hours it took to get back to Raccoon city.

When we got back, and Brad landed, I stood, lifting Rebecca into my arms. Chris wasn't as manly, since he just shook Jill awake. Well, we all hopped off the copter, and when we all moved to the door, we were met by several officers, as well as a handful of paramedics.

One of them was chief Irons. I knew what he wanted... But I was gonna give ihm something else. I said, "Barry, hold this for a moment..." I handed Rebecca's sleeping form to Barry, and then grabbed Brad's shirt before giving him a haymaker to the face that he would never forget.

"That, is for being a chickenshit and flying off when they really needed your help. Jill?" Jill sauntered up, (The effect was ruined because she was still drowsy and half-asleep) and grabbed Brad around the neck. Then she frenched him, turning his already purple-blue bruised face a very strange shade of crimson. She pulled back, panting. "And that... is for saving our asses at the very end."

I nodded, satisfied. Turning back to chief Irons... "I'm guessing you want a report right now, huh?" He was about to nod, and I grabbed him by his shirt. I lifted him... And I mean lifted, as in up to eye-to-eye height. I then gave him the same haymaker that Brad had just experienced. He hit the ground hard.

I spat the cigarette filter that was still between my lips onto the RPD roof. "There's a report of what we just went through. I'll give you a written account the day after tomorrow. Now piss off and leave us be before I chuck you into the street." I dropped the three name patches I had onto him before stepping over, the others following. I grabbed the nearest officer that I recognized as a smoker.

"I've had a rough day. Gimme a smoke." He handed me a whole pack of camels gulping as he did so. I let him go and lit up, pocketing the pack. Then I took Rebecca out of Barry's arms and walked on, ignoring the rest of the entourage. I think it was the dried blood I was covered in that did the trick for me there.

I was probably going to pay for kicking Irons' ass later, but I didn't care. I'd wanted to do that for ages. Moving quickly, I was honestly surprised when I ran into Leon. He was working early that day, I suppose. His eyes widened, seeing me carrying Rebecca. Or me smoking, one or the other.

"Roy? What happened? Is Rebecca okay?" Well, points for caring. "She's fine, just tired. Probably going to have nightmares for the rest of her life, though. I'll tell you what happened later, mate. I may look a'ight, but I feel like death." It was true. I was testy because my chest felt like it was on fire.

"But you're covered in blood! She is, too! Wait, and since when did you become a smoker?" He was a great guy, but annoying as fuck when you're tired.

"Nah, it ain't mine. Nor her's, I think. 'Cept the bit around her crotch..." I gave a lopsided grin. "And I started smoking when some fucker with a flamethrower tried to torch my ass last night. Now piss of, kid. I just punched Irons in the face, and when he gets up he's gonna be pissed. Better take off early. And tomorrow."

He nodded, still wide-eyed. I smirked. "Feel free to come over to Becca's place tomorrow and join our little therapy group. Just make sure you come by after noon. And bring coffee."

He nodded, and I think he got what I was meaning. I walked by, as he scrambled to get to where he was going, well away from Irons' path when he woke up.

I waited by the door for the others. When they arrived, I told them to come by Rebecca's the next day around 10 or 11 in the morning. They all nodded, and we went our seperate ways. I was nearly away when I called back, "Oh yeah. Don't sleep alone tonight, any of you. I'll see y'all tomorrow." And I walked off, Rebecca still sleeping in my arms.

We got back, her still snoozing. I dropped most of my gear just inside the door to her room, and sat her down on the floor. Once she was undressed and I'd laid her on the bed, I stripped off my own clothes and put my handgun on the nightstand. After checking that all the doors and windows were locked, that the house was clear, and that Rebecca was still our cold, I laid down next to her, wrapping my arms around and pulling her close.

"Night Becca... I'll see you tomorrow..."

_**Yes, yes, I was lazy and didn't feel like elaborating on the entire laboratory bit. So I did it the lazy way. Anyway... Yes, Roy got bitten. So, he did something stupid. Because he couldn't wipe all of Wesker's blood off the needle, that was why it reacted perfectly within Roy. The virus was specifically designed for Wesker, and without his DNA, it would likely kill or mutate any other person. If he'd sterilized it, there's no telling what might have happened. But as is... he has become far, far stronger than Wesker ever could. And this, is just the beginning...**_

_**Nightmare arc is still going, it's got a few more chapters.**_

_**The difference between a revolutionary and a terrorist, is whether you are willing to put innocents in the line of fire.**_

_**"You better run... You better hide... 'Cuz if I find you, I'm gonna gut you alive!" -Me, at the end of a rather inspiring, fear-inducing speech that has something to do with Rainbow 6 Patriots. Figure it out on your own.**_

_**I carry a gun because a policeman is too heavy.**_

_**PWS: Taking an AK and an AR15, drugging them with spanish fly, and locking them both in a room with a bed and a case of Red Bull.  
The result? The MK1 series, also known as the Diablo. The baddest, hardest motherfuckin combat-ready rifle you can find that will take any abuse you can dish out, and still look good enough to leave you jizzing your pants. AK/AR debatists, eat your hearts out. Trolling successful. **_


	42. Chp41 Fun and Debauchery After the Night

**Waking Death**

The Nightmare

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid, suicidal motherfuckers. **_

#42 Hoochi-watcha! I am back! In black! but without the lame-ass slicked-back hair. And this time... It's gonna get freak-ay! Roy and the rest of STARS have just gotten back from their nightmare in the mansion, and it's the day after they got back. They agreed to meet at Rebecca's apartment, to discuss things further. None of them except Roy know that Leon's going to show up. Let's see how this will turn out?

Waking up... Was a bitch. I opened my eyes and tried to get up... But Rebecca was sleeping on my arm. And I didn't want to take her up just yet. It was 8:37 a.m. Shit. The others would be here in a couple hours. So I sat there for a few minutes, until my bladder started to bug me. Always does that first thing in the morning. So I gingerly slid my arm out from under Rebecca, and slipped out of her room.

I stretched, then gathered the clothes I'd wear for the day. Setting them in the bathoom, I took my piss, started the shower, then went back and checked on Becca again. When I walked in, she stirred in her slumber, then sat up, rubbing her eyes.

"Hnn... Why'd you get out of bed...?" She looked so cute like that... Wearing nothing but her panties, the covers curled up around her... (... It was a close call, but I managed not to get a nosebleed.)

"Got the shower running. C'mon, we both need one. The others will be here around 11 or so." She nodded, a vacant expression on her face as she yawned. Then she stretched her arms abover her head...

Holy shit. My already half-hard member jumped to full mast seeing her beautiful, boyant, bouncey breasts jiggling around while she did that. My mind short-circuited for a few moments...

When I finally blinked and remembered where I was, (What my name is, how old I was, the color of the sky... ect) I saw her staring coyly at the bulge in my shorts. Okay, less of a bulge than it looking like I had a brotworsht held between my thighs that was straining to tear the fabric.

"...Want me to take care of that for you?" She asked, still with that coy, teasing expression/tone.

I smirked. "In the shower. C'mon, we don't have time to be dicking around. And if we do, we have to be multi-tasking." She nodded, hopping out of bed. She flinched and grimaced at the pain in her gut, seeing as she'd been sore as fuck after we'd finished fucking yesterday. Then having to run around all night... Yeah, it had to be painful. She gathered up a few clothes then followed me to the bathroom, the water already nice and hot.

We both got in, and started sudzing up before scrubbing off all the mud, the blood and the grime we'd collected the past two nights. After cleaning off everything unsavory, we shampooed up, rinsed off the lather, then got to work on our more intimate areas.

(I'll avoid a long-ass lemon, and make this short) After a copious amount of rubbing, I had her on her knees sucking my schlong, then pulled her up and braced her against the wall, before gently, slowly, and calmly pounding the fuck out of her snatch. I fucked her the way she wanted it; Hard, fast, full of passion love and need. I fucked away all the bad memories, the self-doubts, the guilt and self-blame. Well, I like to think I did. She was panting, sweating, and we both pretty much wasted the shower. So we soaped up again and scrubbed off the sweat we just worked up. Trying desperately not to start up another round.

We were in there for forty minutes to an hour, so we got out and dressed. She was on cloud 9, walking bow-legged, but with a contented grin plastered all over her face. Well, I kept her from thinking about last night. That was the important part. It was roughly 10:25 when I heard the doorbell ring. I had stepped into the kitchen, threw on an apron, and started making a traditional english breakfast.

Rebecca went to the door, and after hearing that it was Barry standing on the other side, I put my gun away and continued working on the sausages. I heard them moving into the living room, and I made sure to keep my back to the counter or my front to our guests. Easy enough. Barry, Chris and Jill walked in, led by Rebecca. They all sat down in the living area, and I called back, "Breakfast'll be done in half an hour or so."

So they sat around and made small talk while I worked on breakfast. (Jill said, "He's the one who cooks here?" Which surprised everyone, but I'm not quite sure why) By traditional english, I mean it was like a three-course meal. Pancakes, sausage, biscuits, eggs, bacon, omelettes, toast, grits, and sausage gravy. All of it to be served in massive amounts, followed by milk, OJ and soda, of course. I was counting on Leon for the coffee.

And so, 35 minutes later, it was done. I loaded up a large serving tray, (The kind you usually put in the oven with stuff you're cooking on it) and placed it on the dining room table. I then lifted the table, carried it gingerly into the area between the kitchen/dining room and and the living area, and then shifted the chairs. All silently, so as to surprise the fuck out of the others.

"Hoy, food's done. Come'n get it" They all sprung up, turned around, and gaped at the massive amount of food laid out on the table. It was meant to seat five or six, but it could have up to eight. Right now, there was barely any room for people, considering just how much was on there. A minute later, everyone had a plate and was digging in to the massive mountain of food in front of them.

Ten minutes in, I noticed that everyone was quiet. (I hadn't started eating yet, since I figured someone should be eating with Leon when he finally got here) "Oy, why's everyone so quiet? You all should be happy! Elated! Awed!"

This was met with looks of puzzlement. I clarified. "You all survived a living nightmare last night, and yet you act like you got a death sentence. Besides, it's pretty damn rare for me to cook for a crowd. You've had three miracles in the span of 24 hours, so act like it, damnit!" Of course, two minutes later...

"Wait, then what was the third miracle?" Chris asked, mouth full of omelette. I paused. Time for my secret weapon...

"The third? Well... Because it is damned rare for me to show this to anyone. Because I... Roy Mustang.. Look pretty fucking good... in a REALLY SHORT MINI-SKIRT!" This last bit was punctuated by me tearing off my apron, striking a pose with fists on hips, feet spread, standing proud. While wearing a short pink skirt I'd borrowed from Rebecca exactly for this purpose. (My shorts were on underneath, so don't sit there and jerk off just yet, you perverts)

Of course, everyone except young Rebecca gaped like a fish for a solid minute... Before busting out into guffaws of laughter. Barry had tears streaming down his face, holding his sides, whereas Chris had started to choke on his eggs. Jill fell out of her chair, and despite prior warning, Rebecca couldn't help but giggle like mad at my antics.

After everyone calmed down enough to be able to breathe properly, while wiping away tears, I redonned my apron, and chuckled along with them. "See? Now y'all can stop moping around, yah? It does no good to anyone if you just sit around being depressed. One cannont change the past; Only look towards the future." (I guess I'm the exception to that. Eh, life's a bitch)

They'd been eating for half an hour, when Leon finally showed up. At 11:30 on the dot, the bell rang, and I went and got him. "Hey, if it isn't the rookie! C'mon in!" I had him walk in front of me, of course, to surprise him while he ate. Seeing everyone already there and eating, (Nearly finished, most were. Barry and Chris were still going, as was Rebecca) I pointed out a chair and told him to grab a bite. And remarked, "Fork over the coffee while you're at it, or no bacon." He complied, handing me the extra-large styrofoam cup he'd been carrying. Ahh... Sweet, sweet caffine.

Well, I gave him ten minutes to chow down, then Rebecca got up and waddled into the living room, plopping down next to Jill to watch TV and vegetate. I sat down and reused her plate, piling eggs, omelettes, bacon and biscuits on before devouring everything. Chris and Barry looked up, seeing me eating with twice the vigor they had, and gulped. Then they got up and went to sit next to the girls, their appetite mysteriously vanishing.

Well, more for me. I ate my fill, then stood up and looked at the blonde rookie cop. "Leon, you might need this advice later in life. How does a guy know when he looks good enough to get any girl he wants?" Hearing this, the STARS sitting in the living room inconspicuously looked back, to observe what was about to happen.

Leon swallowed the mouthful of food he had, before saying, "Uh, I don't know. When he gets an offer to work as an underwear model for Calvin Klein?" I blinked. Huh. Well, I hadn't expected that one. My reply? Well...

"No. When he can look THIS badass..." I pointed my thumbs at myself. "...While wearing... A REALLY SHORT MINI-SKIRT!" Cue me tearing off the apron and striking the same pose form earlier. Then cue Leon gaping like a trout before laughing his ass off. Then Jill called from the couch, "Hey Kennedy, if you want us to judge whether or not you look that good, I've got a leather mini you can try." Chris blanched at that, but Barry laughed even harder. Rebecca got up and left the room, returning with a short, pink, frilly tutu, before holding it out to Leon.

"Go on, Leon. I'm sure you can compete with him." She teased, with a cute but evil grin. Even I laughed at that one. Well, we all continued the banter until we all laughed until it hurt, then sat down in the living room to discuss the events of last night's nightmare.

"So... How shall we begin? Roy? You got anything important?" Barry began, handing me the all-important start.

"Well... " I pulled the pack of cigarettes, ignoring Rebecca's disapproving glare as I lit up. I had promised her not to smoke like a chimney, but I still got the urge every few hours. I was just glad she already had an ashtray beforehand.

"... Nothing you all don't already know, I'm afraid. I knew that Wesker was more than a little fucked up in the head, but I never would've guessed that he worked for Umbrella. Not surprising now, but still... Makes ya wonder if you ever really know someone..." I inhaled from the cancer stick, then tapped off some of the ashes.

"Regardless, I snooped around a helluva lot in both mansions. Umbrella developed the Tyrant virus, or t-virus, by studying a plant that originated in Africa. From there, they developed the progenator virus that was developed into the T variant. That is what causes the mutations and zombies."

"As you all should know by now, the infection is spread through bites and scratches." They pointedly looked at the spot on my forearm that had a bandage on it. Eyes widened, and people shifted to be further from me.

"...Yes, as you figured, I was bitten. However, something odd happened. Normally the infection sets in within an hour of being introduced to a new host. It had no effect for the first few hours, and I searched high and low in the lab for a cure. I found one, but the way it worked... disturbs me. It effectively uses the DNA of someone who is immune, which is one out of every ten people, and bonds to the cells of the infectee. There is a one in three chance of it working, but..." I sighed.

"... This was a prototype, and likely one designed for biological warfare. It make the person immune to the virus, however, it does so my adapting them to it. They become stronger, faster, and effectively superior, physically, to other humans. At a guess, they would administer it to their soldiers before sending them into an outbreak area. If they were bitten, they would become even stronger when the virus entered their system, gaining the benefits but not the drawbacks." I had pulled this outta my ass, so you can bite me if you don't like it.

I was interrupted by Rebecca. "What are the benefits of the virus? All I've seen is that it turns the dead into flesh-eating monsters." She shuddered.

"It reanimates dead cells, and regenerates living ones. Like a cancer, is causes rapid multiplication of cells, however, they are mutated cells. In that way, it acts like a parasite, taking over the rest of its host. However, if used properly, it could very well reverse or even prevent many types of debilities. Such as spinal injuries, lost limbs, cancer, necrosis, cerebral palsy, even fatal injuries. As is, it's in the prototype stage of such advancements, and it's unlikely anyone would consider working to turn it into a medical treatment, when its use in warfare is far more profitable." Their eyes widened.

"So this could have been a miracle cure-all, but instead Umbrella decided to make it into a weapon for their personal gain?" Leon asked, picking up on that little bit.

I nodded. "Yes. They believed that they could easily make a treatment for it later, when everyone was using their biological weapons. Double their own profit. Smart, but heartless. And fairly stupid, since the guy in charge was completely fucking insane."

We all went through our own experiences during the mansion incident, from prepping to the chopper ride out. We finally had a full tally of our KIA. Seven, including Wesker. I told them I'd found Enrico with a bullet in his chest in the mines on my own, while none of us knew what happened to Forest or Kenneth. It was downright depressing.

But after we'd gotten our stories off our chests, we moved on to the discussion of what to do about Umbrella. Barry said he needed to move his family out of the way so Umbrella couldn't try to hurt them, in case Wesker hadn't been bluffing. Jill and Chris both wanted to get back at Umbrella for their inhumane experiments.

Frankly, I agreed with 'em. Rebecca didn't quite know what to do, but decided to stay for the time being, and go to check on her family soon enough. Leon was the oddball out, since he wasn't apart of the whole thing. I had vouched for him to be there since he was going to be stuck in the department afterwards regardless of what we did.

He had a hard time believing our story, but knew we wouldn't all lie about something as outlandish as zombies and monsters. Besides that, the fact that the rest of our team was dead helped to back us up. We wouldn't all come back scared shitless saying monsters just to fuck with the rookie. He pretty much said he'd take what we said to heart, and he'd be careful from now on.

"If Umbrella really did all this, then they won't hesitate to try to get rid of anyone involved. Not many people know this, but they've got their hands in everything from pharmaceuticals to military-grade hardware. If you guys aren't careful, they'll be gunning for you." Leon pointed out. I was impressed. Even before his gov't training, he had his head on straight.

"Which is why we're all seated here discussing it. I know for a fact that Red here is going to do everything he can to fuck 'em over, and frankly I intend to be there to make sure he doesn't get his ass roasted on his way out." Chris gave me a look, but didn't protest what I'd said.

"Beyond that, just what exactly do we do? Tell the world we fought zombies, monsters, and that Umbrella is evil? 'Cuz that's not going to go over well. Any suggestions?" Jill pointed out. I left out the fact that I had taken the tape from Kenneth's camera when I'd pulled him out of the Yawn. (I didn't want him or Richard to notice. The tape wasn't a helluva lot, but... It would be enough)

They had... none. I shrugged. "Fair enough. We tell the prick Irons the truth, and if he doesn't buy it, we'll make our own move. We'll figure the rest out as we go. Not sure how, but we'll make them pay for their actions, one way or another." We all nodded, determined looks on our faces, our conviction strong enough to take on the world...

"Now, who wants me to bake some dessert?" I asked, standing up with a grin. Once again revealing the short pink skirt I was wearing. ...And once more earning laughs from the collected survivors.

Later that evening...

The others had all left, to go to their respective homes and fill out their written reports of last night's events. I wrote a detailed account of the events that transpired, not including my foreknowledge nor my fornication with Rebecca, and indicating many of my judgements as gut feelings. For police, instinct is one of the most important requirements of the job. I hodgepodged many of the encounters with the larger BOW's, saying that blind luck and pure determination saw us through the night. That, and a fuckton of ammunition. _'I don't need luck. I have ammo.'_

Rebecca had her mind on her report, trying to distract herself from the other important issue blaring at her in technicolor.

'You slept with him! Without a condom! And he came inside of you! Twice! You don't remember whether or not it was a safe day! Gahh! Tell him! Before you do the test and the blue freaks him out and makes him leave! Do it! Now! Otherwise he'll think you're trying to trap him with a pregnancy! You love him and you don't even know if he feels the same!'

That was when I mentioned the gold crest I'd snagged. "Oy, Becks, I've got something you might find interesting." This startled her out of her thoughts. She came over to where I was, hanging around the doorway. (in the spare bedroom, or storage space, as we now called it)

"Whaddaya think this is worth? Quite a few quid, I'm hoping." I held up the crest, grinning. Scattered around me were the handfull of gemstones I'd collected. Yellow, red, and blue, to be precise. I figured they should be worth something to someone. Rebecca's eyes widened seeing the crest, remembering the wooden one she had seen in the dining room of the mansion.

"Where'd you get that?"

"I liberated it from a panel in the wall before making my way back to the foyer. The gems were hidden in stuffed wall-mounts." She walked over and took the crest from my hands, examining it.

"...This is solid gold! It must weigh at least eight kilograms. I'm not sure how much it's worth, though... Probably more than this apartment." She set the oversized gold paperweight on the bed, picking up one of the three gems as she sat down next to me.

"Holy hell! This is the biggest sapphire I've ever seen! Forget the gold, this thing is worth a fortune on its own! Let alone the ruby or beryl!" Hey eyes might've resembled dollar signs, if not for me ruffling her hair.

"Easy, Becca. You're frothing at the mouth. We're not keeping all of these." She frowned, giving me a pout.

"We're not...? Don't tell me you're giving them to lost and found!" I grinned.

"Not at all. Which item do you think is worth the most?" I had a feeling it was the ruby, since it looked to me like a natural one that had been cut, not heat treated. You'd be amazed at what a small (To me) stone like that was worth. It was nearly the size of Rebecca's palm, in a briolette cut. Worth a small fortune on its own, I'd wager.

"...Probably the ruby. Although the sapphire may be a close second. What'd you mean we're not keeping them?" I grinned.

"We'll be taking one for our troubles and to make sure we can live comfortably. The rest are going into a mutual fund to stop Umbrella. I haven't told the others yet since I wasn't sure what they were going to do. If we can get someone to back us up in a court case against Umbrella, I've got enough evidence to convict them of human experimentation, as well as bribery of police officials."

Her eyes widened, and I patted her shoulder. "You know me. Always ten steps ahead. Anything else on your mind?" She blushed, looking down and to her left. A sure sign of embarassment and anxiety. Great...

"Um..." She trailed off, going redder all the while. Fuuuuck, definately something I'd rather deal with later.

"Hm? Whatcha mean by 'um' ?"

Now she really looked uncomfortable. "Uh.. Nevermind. It's not important..."

I scoffed. "Not important? It's enough to get you worked up. C'mon, what's buggin ya?"

"it's.. About us..." Ah, shit. I blinked.

"You mean the sex, or something else?" Might as well get right to the point of the matter.

"Yes.. and no. I wanted to know if we're.. Dating, or if this is more of a 'friends with benefits' sort of thing..." Ah, fuck fuck fuck. Now she wants to hear it? When I'm not buried up to the hilt inside of her? Perfect timing, damnit. I need to be planning how to deal with Chief Asshole, not romancing my cute young girlfriend. Argh, my penis is doing all the thinking again!

I smiled warmly. (That's me. Able to think one thing, while keeping my expression totally different. A great people skill) "That's all? No, we're not dating."

She looked heartbroken. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her against me before she could jump up and run away crying. "We're already living together, so that's not it. I would call it a partnership, but whether or not it's a romantic one is up to you."

Her eyes widened, the tears suddenly sucking themselves right back into their ducts. In a word, she looked... Innocent. But unbearably cute. "I meant what I said before. So long as you want me, I'll always be here for you. No matter what. Now what's bothering you?"

"... I'm not on the pill.. And I'm not sure if yesterday or today is a safe day, so... I might get pregnant and... I was afraid when you found out you'd..." Hm. My own little mini-me's? Heheheh. That might be fun. Well, for me, not her. She'd be the one raising them more'n half the time!

"I already told you. Unless you want me gone, I'll never leave you. I think we're a bit young to be having children, but that's up to you. You're the one who has to carry them for the better part of a year." I grinned. She smiled, relief written all over her face. Boy, was I glad for my happy-go-lucky demeanor.

"Thanks... I was freaking out over this all day." I ruffled her hair.

"Hey... We've been through enough hell without making out own. If you don't want to worry about children just yet, you can always take the morning after pill. Do you want me to go out and pick up birth control for you?" She nodded. I pulled her closer, into a hug before kissing her.

"I promised you. So long as you want me, I'll be there for you, come hell and high water. Anytime something's bothering you, tell me, and I'll take care of it. And... I love you, Rebecca." She looked up, tears in her eyes, a smile on her face, before saying,

"I love you Roy..."

...And we proceded to french each other like our only supply of air was in the other's lungs. I decided to cut this short before my throbbing 'problem' made her situation even worse. Standing up, I told her to hop into bed and get ready, since when I got back we'd continue.

Well, I hauled ass to the nearest convenience/pharmecy store. Which wasn't too far, but still a few miles. I got there, browsed through the women's necessities for a few minutes, before getting the birth control pack that was for three months. (The one I figured she'd take, since it said take every morning, but it lasted for three days just in case. I also grabbed a few weeks worth of morning-after pills, in case one of us forgot)

It was a damn good thing I thought to get my wallet, otherwise I'd've headed out wearing a skirt. I switched out before leaving, throwing on my holster and grabbing my badge before leaving. When the clerk, a middle-aged guy who looked to be native american, saw me walk in wearing a gun, he reached under the counter, then noticed the badge I had tacked onto the right side of my shoulder holster.

Well, lucky. I doubt it'd be good if I shot him for pulling a shotgun on me. I placed all the stuff on the counter, (Including a 12-pack of condoms, a bottle of nyquil, aspirin, and tylenol, alongside a roll of bandages and a package of dried herbs) he looked at me and blinked. "You find yourself a nympho with sharp nails?"

I blinked and returned his stare. "Nah, my sex-deprived mother is over 50 and a former champion of the women's UFC. Her boyfriend's a gutless smartass, and the nyquil's for me." He chuckled, then said, "I'll take that as a yes. Is chief Irons still a petty little bitch, or has he changed in the last decade?"

I blinked. "Nope. Still a little bitch. But not so little, seeing as he's put on forty pounds in the last year. Only weight he's lost is his hair." The clerk busted out laughing, as he rung up the last of my items.

"You sure you're a cop, not a comedian?" I chuckled.

"Nah, both. They kicked me outta the comedy club when I made a joke at some rich guy's expense. Eh, what'shisface. Hue Heffner. Anyway, just a friendly bit of advice, mate. See if you can't find a way to move out of the city, or hell, out of the state before September."

He gave me a funny look. "Move out of the state?"

"Yeah. Long story short, Umbrella fucked up big time, and their mistake is going to come crashing down on the citizens' collective heads by the end of the year. Spread the word if ya can, just keep it quiet. By December, this entire place is going to be a ghost town. In a real bad way. You might find out in the papers, you might not. Don't count on it, though. It's the kind of mistake that got people killed, and Umbrella broke the law willingly to do so." I picked up my bagged purchases, turned, and left, without another word.

I ran back to the apartment, and set everything down when I got there. After spilling everything onto the counter, I gave Rebecca all the things she needed, placed the pharmies in the medicine cabinet, and preserved the herbs. (Along with all the ones she'd collected over the last two nights)

We got everything into place, and moved back to the bedroom. She was already in her pajamas, (Long T-shirt and nothing more)

LEMON BELOW THIS LINE!

We got into bed, embracing each other with out tongues battling feverently. I grasped one of her breasts, lightly pinching one of her rosy buds, then rolling it between my fingers. She moaned into my mouth, before breaking the kiss to breathe. I moved my other hand down, rubbing against her groin. She was already wet, and my fingers came away dripping.

"Heheheheh... Already prepared, are you?" I teased, pushing her shirt up before pulling it off.

"Hah...Hah... Huh... Roy... Give it to me... I want you inside me..."

I didn't keep her waiting. After pulling my shirt and holster off, I removed the rest of my attire, before pressing my lips to hers once more, while I guided my cock to her moist heat.

Once lined up in missionary, I pressed against her slit, sighing as my length penetrated that tight, wet warmth. 'Damn, she feels good... Tight as a virgin without the blood' I started out slow, working her over to get her a bit more lubricated.

"Ahh... Roy... More..." I grinned.

"As you wish." I moved faster, thrusting in and out, then I slowed down. I pulled back all the way until nothing but the head of my prick was inside; Then I slammed it all the way in, impacting against her cervix.

She gasped, her eyes widening, dialating, the only sound escaping from her mouth was something like, "Hee-uhuhahh..." Very quiet, very soft, just before her eyes rolled back as she orgasmed.

The walls of her vagina clamped down, convulsing. I pulled back and kept thrusting, pounding her heat with enthusiasm. She came once more within a minute, showing that she was more than capable of having multiple orgasms.

This kept up for a few more minutes, before I felt my own release pressing against the base of my shaft. My gut knotted, my balls tightened, and it felt like I was going to be sick... Then I pulled back and slammed all the way in once more, before blowing my load inside of her, likely emptying it right into her womb.

The moment I stopped spurting, I pulled back and started up again, grinding my teeth at the pain from the hyper-sensitivity. It feels so good it hurts, sensory overload. For most, it hurst so much they can't focus, and their muscles involuntarily contract, causing additional pain. For me, it was like having a serrated knife dragged across my akin, but I dealt with it.

Once it felt normal again, I picked up the pace, thrusting faster and faster, eager to get my next pop and go to sleep, since I wanted to get back to work early the next day. Especially since we both would need a shower and breakfast before going in. I also had to plan out what we'd do with Irons, because as of right now, we were going in with our dicks in our hands.

The rest of our fuckery was fairly simple. I flipped her over, pulled her back against my chest, and fucked her until I jizzed again and she passed out. Then I set her down and laid next to her, leaving my schlong inside for now.

Pulling the covers back over us, I pulled her close, keeping her warm for the night.

'Ugh... I need a vacation... Not from the sex, but from having responsibilites... And from needing to wake up early'

**Against my better judgement, I included the skirt bit for the sake of a fan... Still funny. Anyway, my second (Is this a third if you count the earlier, shower scene?) lemon. Short, but I was sleep deprived, so it wasn't all that. A quickie for them to get to sleep faster. Besides, Roy isn't the type to keep fucking a girl who's passed out on him. We'll be moving on to the meeting with Irons in our next chapter, so tune in! Anyway, these next three or four will be the end of Nightmare arc, probably skipping a few months to get on with End of Days. Have a good one! REad and Fucking REview!**

_**The difference between a revolutionary and a terrorist, is whether you are willing to put innocents in the line of fire.**_

_**"You better run... You better hide... 'Cuz if I find you, I'm gonna gut you alive!" -Me, at the end of a rather inspiring, fear-inducing speech that has something to do with Rainbow 6 Patriots. Figure it out on your own.**_

_**I carry a gun because a policeman is too heavy.**_

_**PWS: Taking an AK and an AR15, drugging them with spanish fly, and locking them both in a room with a bed and a case of Red Bull.  
The result? The MK1 series, also known as the Diablo. The baddest, hardest motherfuckin combat-ready rifle you can find that will take any abuse you can dish out, and still look good enough to leave you jizzing your pants. AK/AR debatists, eat your hearts out. Trolling successful. **_


	43. Chapter 42 Team Asshole, Reporting In!

**Waking Death**

The Nightmare

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid, suicidal motherfuckers. **_

#43 Dattebayo! Nani tokoma! Daite! Nandaio! Yes, I have a very peculiar speach habit that plauges me to this day. I have a habit of referring to myself as "This one" instead of "I" and talking in the third person. Believe me, there are quite a few who give me strange looks. And even more who ask me if I'm a fan of Samurai X. (Ruroni Kenshin) It's made my english teachers either dock points off of my grades, or ask me if I need counseling. Something about confidence or identity issues... Eh, me no give a fuck. I talks how I talks. You got a problem? Go fuck yourself. See if that cures your problem. And no, it doesn't affect my typing, and usually not my writing. Wierd, but it's how I am. "I yams who I yams." -Popeye

Waking up was a cast iron bitch. Rebecca started freaking the fuck out, which in turn woke me up, which in turn made me freak out. Especially since a very important part of my anatomy was still buried in her crotch, and I didn't want her to dive off and tug me along by that part.

"Ah-ahh! NO! Get away!" Gah! What the hell?! "Rebecca?! Rebecca!" She wound up elbowing my gut trying to jump out of bed, and I wrapped my arms around her to keep her from hitting her head on the nightstand. All I got for my troubles was a shiner right on the chin.

"R-roy...?" She was panting, pupils dialated, breathing heavy and ragged, her eyes darting around the dark room for whatever had scared the shit out of her.

"Yeah... Who'dja think I was? Santa Claus?" The annoyance in my voice made her flinch, as I rubbed my chin where she'd struck me. Fucking hurt.

"No.. Sorry... I was..." I sighed, then ruffled her hair.

"Yea, yea, nightmare. I know. I'm not angry, just smarting. Don't worry about it, kid. I was expecting you to get nightmares, but just try to remember that so long as I'm here, there ain't nothin that can hurt you without going through me first. And Death himself would rather drink a barrel of castor oil before crossing me. If you start having a scary dream, just think of Wesker in his tighty whities. Or Barry in a speedo. Either way. Heh. Eheheheh. Or Chris in a skirt. Muha... Hahahahahaha! Leon in a schoolgirl outfit! Aahahahahahaha!"

I started laughing my ass off, while she gave me a look where I was fairly certain she thought I was insane. It was contagious enough, and ste started giggling along with me until she was in hysterics a few minutes later.

**Lemon Alert!**

Once we'd finally calmed down, she turned and tried to hop out of bed, when I stiffened. Litterally, and metaphorically. (I straightened, my back going ramrod straight, while my cock twitched and started to get hard) Then she noticed my meat still embedded in her cunny. She blinked, then slid backward, towards me, pushing my dick further into her now-moist heat.

She gave me a coy smirk, before grinding her ass against me, thus rubbing my prick against her inner walls. With my now-hard member pressing against her cervix, she said, "I think he's ready now. Wanna have a little fun?" Still with that coy little smirk.

I scoffed lightly. "Well yeah, I'm kinda naked here. One thing, though. What was that nightmare about?" I was honestly curious. Monsters, probably.

She... looked uncomfortable. Then it vanished, in an instant. "I.. dunno. It wasn't really that memorable.. Just scary." I quirked an eyebrow. Riiiight...

"Well, whatever you say, babe. C'mere, let's get things done doubly quick." I put my arms under her knees, lifting her up as I stood.

"Wah! W-what're you doing?!" I smirked.

"Just taking this to the bathroom so we can continue in the shower. Lean back and you'll be fine." Walking with my arms full of beautiful woman wasn't easy, especially with my other head in deep enough to make my thoughts get a bit fuzzy around the edges. Every step was like a torture in itself, in that I couldn't throw her down and plow that pussy like a farmall.

But I made it, and set her on her feet, my cock still inside. She bent forward, bracing her hands against the wall. I softly moved in and out, one hand on her hip while the other worked the knob for the shower. I set the temp, flipped on the showerhead, pulled the curtain, and moved my focus to fucking the brunette that had captured my head and my heart. (My other head, was telling me to fuck her brains out)

Well, that is neither here nor there. So, I fucked her until the water started to warm up. After her second orgasm, and mine started to get close, I pulled out and turned her around, before saying,

"Get on your knees and tell me you love me..." Ah, hahahahahahahahaha! Classic.

She snorted, chuckling. But she did it, and after she sucked me off for a few moments, I really surprised her.

"Rebecca, and use your breasts, would you?" I grinned. She smiled seductively, before sliding back on my cock, releasing the head with an audible *Pop*

Then she moved upward, putting her weight on her knees. Grabbing her tits, she pulled them apart for a moment, only to envelop my cock between the D-cup mounds and press them together. Oh my kami... It felt heavenly... And that was before she started to move.

I unconsciencely stroked her hair, caressing her short chocolate locks. As she picked up the pace, bouncing up and down on her knees, I groaned. She smiled, looking up at me with her lust-filled eyes. I gazed back, looking through hooded eyes.

"You gonna cum? Give it to me... " She moaned, moving just a bit faster. Pushing me over the edge... I felt the knot in my gut snap open, the dam bursting, as my seed spewed from my cock, shooting out and up, covering her face with two spurts before she got her lips around the tip, swallowing the rest.

"Augh..." My mind had gone completely white when she'd started sucking on the tip of my shroom, sucking my jizz right out. I let out a shaky breath, slowly panting.

"Huhuh. Feel good?" She asked, one eye shut, her face half covered in spunk. As she talked, she licked some of the creamy man sauce off her lips, gaining my full attention. In response, I lifted her up, about to mount her again when I noticed the mirror covered in fog. Oh, right. Shower. We were already sovered in sweat, so we didn't notice the humidity in the room.

Instead of plunging myself balls-deep in that warmth, I pulled her off the wall and half-pushed half-led er into the shower, testing the water with my arm before putting her under it. It was hot enough for me, but I figured it'd scald her. I toned it down with one hand whilest the other fondled one of her lovely tits, the dusky pink nub of her niddle prodding my palm.

Once the water was tolerable, I pulled us both under the spray, grabbing the soap before pressing her front against the shower wall.

"Hope you're ready for this, Rebecca. You've just woken the beast." With a predatory grin, I lined up my shaft, ready to fuck this girl until her mind was completely blank.

She looked back at me, before reaching back and pulling the cheeks of her ass apart. "Do it, Roy... I want you to fuck me until I can't remember my own name..." My eye twitched. I then proceded to do just as she asked, and neither of us left that shower until the water had long run cold, neither of us noticing because of our own body heat.

**End of Lemon**

Moving along, we finished up, then got out, her walking funny and me feeling completely refreshed. (Also a little tired, like I'd just finished running an obstacle course)

Well, we moved on and had a quick breakfast, before getting dressed, equipped, then heading to work, dressed in full tactical from our mission, although with new clothes. Both our boots were covered in dried blood, our vests were the same. My rifle had a splatter of coagulated blood and something else on the stock, from where I'd bashed something's head in. My knife had a thin coat of something, since I'd just hurriedly dried it off on some kind of cloth. I vaguely remembered reminding myself to disinfect it later with rubbing alchohol. I left the hookshot as well as my rifle and the notes I'd collected in our apartment, since I didn't need Irons knowing how much I actually had on Umbrella. Plus I didn't need my rifle on me.

Rebecca had her vest, but left her MP5 and the ammo back home. She left most of her medical equipment, but still carried enough for an emergency, as well as her side arm and knife. Her hair was still wet from our shower, her attire was a black long-sleeve T-shirt, with dark grey BDU pants and combat boots.

I had the same gear, sans the stuff mentioned, wearing a tight black fitted T-shirt, black cargo pants, my galco holster, tac vest, thigh-holster, and my boots. Over the vest I wore my jacket, the same one I'd started with.

Beyond that, we went back as normal. I dropped by Doc's and picked up coffee for all the survivors, ignoring the wierd looks people gave us. (Me carrying a long gun, wearing tactical gear, covered in blood? Yeah, not a pretty sight) Arriving there, we marched past a staring secretary straight up to the STARS room, finding no one but Barry there.

"Hey, Barry. You seen Brad since we got back?" I called, startling him out of his thoughts.

"No. He didn't want to come to our meeting yesterday, said he just wanted to forget about it." The bearded sandwich-lover shrugged.

"Fucking lovely." I placed the coffee cups on the nearest desk, before taking and handing one to Barry. I walked over to Wesker's desk with mine, before swiping Wesker's name-plate off the surface and plopping down in his chair, kicking my feet up. He ain't here, so fuck 'em.

Sipping my coffee, I waited. Not ten minutes later, Chris and Jill walked in, together. Both trying not to look like a couple who'd slept together the night before. They failed, both blushing when I smirked, and Barry gave a knowing smile. Rebecca just giggled for a moment, before shaking her head with a smile.

Befoe the two of them started to deny our silent accusations, I cleared my throat in a perfect imitation of what Wesker did when people kept talking when he had something to say.

"Mrrhurhurarhem." Chris spun around, looking for Wesker. I just chuckled. Barry laughed, since he'd seen me screw with several other officers by imitating Wesker's voice. Once Chris had stopped freaking and sat down, I continued, in a mockery of Wesker's drawl. (Sounding more like Ronald Reagan, to be perfectly honest)

"Now if I may have everyone's attention... I have an important announcement. You see, due to unforseeable circumstances, Wesker, has died. With a finger up his ass, I might add. Due to this, from here on until further notice, I will be here as your personal anti-Wesker. Call me... Reksew." (rex-sew)

"Now, today, we all must report to a certain hollering asshole. And I want to make sure none of you, forget to refer to him as such. Beyond that, he and Wesker had a very, intimate relation ship. How do I know this? "

"Well. Let us just say... He and Wesker were more than friends. So don't expect him to try to help us. Also, I don't know which of them was on top, so do not ask. I do not know, nor do I wish to know. Fuck you very much, and have a nice day." This last bit was in a perfect copy of Wesker's voice, which had everyone cracking up. Clreaing my throat, I continued.

"Ahehem. Anyway. So, what do we tell Irons? Concerns or suggestions?"

Barry spoke up. "We need to tell people about Umbrella. I say we tell him."

Jill seconded. Chris thought for a moment.

"Who's to say he isn't under Umbrella's thumb too? If they had Wesker, then what if the chief is too?"

"Huh. Good point. Nothing to lose from telling him, so I'm not sure. We'll just have to make sure we spread the word before Umbrella can do anything against us." I put in.

We were interrupted, by Leon walking in.

"Rookie? Whatcha need?" I asked.

"Irons sent me to get you all. He didn't say why." I nodded, and stood.

"Right. Well, let's go see our not-so-beloved chief."

We all marched to Irons' office, with all the pep of those who are walking to the gallows. Leon went to the armory, saying he'd get started and wait for Barry.

Getting to the most hated office in the entire RPD, I knocked. (Rather pounded with my knuckles, loud enough to startle him if he wasn't paying attention) After a moment, he said, "Enter!"

Walking inside, I held the door for the others, before shutting the door and moving to the front of the group. Handing my written report to Irons, I said, "You might want some ice for that, chief." Indicating his bruised face.

He snarled, barely containing his anger. "Just shut up before I fire you." He snatched the report from me, glancing over what I'd written. The others placed their own written reports on his desk, before moving back to where they'd been standing. We all waited, the silence pregnant as he read each of our reports.

... Before I started whistling a cheeky tune, ignoring Irons' glare as I went. After fifteen minutes, he looked up at us. "What is this, a joke? More than half your team is dead, and you give me this shit?! What the hell happened?!" He shouted, a vein on his temple throbbing.

I raised an eyebrow, before meeting his glare. "Exactly what we wrote. Seven out of thirteen of us are dead. And all of us would've died if we weren't lucky as all hell. That was a living nightmare we went through, and Umbrella's behind it. We want an investigation conducted to look into all of their affairs, private and public." He glared at me.

"...And that includes their financial affairs. It wouldn't look as bad if they found out Umbrella was bribing people, than it would if they went looking for an officer who was being bribed. Listen here, pipsqueek." I leaned closer, narrowing my eyes and my scowl falling into place.

"There were hundreds of people tortured and turned into monsters. I will not stand by and let them get away with making people into lab rats and murdering them. They will pay for their crimes, whether you hepl us or not."

The only thing that kept him from panicking was his anger. "Fine! Do whatever the fuck you want! I'm staying right here." He looked smug, but I could see just a hint of fear in his eyes... I'd exploit that later.

"Very well. I've nothing more. And you will stay out of our way, or I will personally drag every one of your dirty secrets out into the light for all to see. Is that clear, _Chief?_" I spat, before turning and walking out, not staying to hear his answer, leaving the others to do as they like.

Well, that went well. He knew better than to fuck with me, since I was the deadliest sonofabitch around. Not to mention I acted like I knew a helluva lot more than I did. I knew he was corrupt, took bribes from Umbrella, and is a perverted prick, but not much more than that. Still, it was enough to get him to steer clear of us. I hope.

The others returned to the STARS room, roughly ten minutes after I got there. They all sat down, except Barry, who simply went back to the armory. I think he just wanted something to take his mind off things. We all pretty just much sat around for awhile, meditating on what we would do as individuals. I figured I'd do Rebecca later, then spend awhile at the bar.

Hmm... Well, I didn't have anything planned until September or August, when Chris would run off on his Crusade. I'd have to stick around to help Leon and Claire, as well as kicking the Nemesis' ass to keep it from tentacle-fucking Jill to death. Which would be interesting to watch, but I figured she'd curse me from the grave for not saving her ass. Eh.

So, I guess for now I'll just stock up on ammo and supplies, then hide away a few bits here and there around the department. And I'll make sure Rebecca never leaves home without her gun. Better safe than sorry.

After my contemplating, I stoof up and left the room, heading for the armory. When I walked in, I found Barry working extra hard on cleaning a large revolver.

"Oy Tim, I got a proposition for ya."

He looked up. "Yes? What is it?"

"We stock up on ammo in case Umbrella decides they don't wanna roll over and die. That and we hit the local newspaper with our story. Maybe I'll phone a few friends with the Stars and Stripes, see if I can't get in touch with a certain feeb who owes me a drink. You got anyone who'd be able to do some snooping?"

He grinned. "I was thinking the same thing as you. Yea, I got a few old war buddies should be able to help out. There anything besides ammo you plan on sneaking out of here?"

It was my turn to grin. "Now you're catching on. Yeah. Everything from anti-tank guns to elephant killers. A few cans of fizz or door-knockers wouldn't hurt, either. Pretty much anything that'll go bang would be nice. I dunno where we'd be able to stash it, but someplace close by. I got a nasty feeling in my gut that tells me something truly FUBAR is gonna happen over the next few months. And much as I hate it, my gut's never wrong."

Leon looked up at this. "That bad?" I nodded.

"Yeah. What we faced was a contained incident. If the shit we went up against ever gets out..." I wanted to light up, but the armory is a strict no-smoking zone.

"... we can kiss the world goodbye. It's apocalyptic-type shit, mate. The dead getting back up, super-sized man-eating monsters, and plants that would devour your skull for a snack." He shuddered. My creepy tone of voice wasn't helping.

"When you gotta head back to the academy, rookie?" I changed the subject.

"Next month. Then I go through the final phase, and I'll be assigned to a department in September."

"Well, that's not too bad. I've got some things to take care of, so thank you for your time, Barry. I'll see y'all around." I turned and left, whistling a cheery tune. I knew Leon wouldn't go blabbing. He was too smart for that.

_**Well, that's that for now. Next chapter will have information over what happens over the next few weeks, from our attemptes to reveal Umbrella to stocking up for our own all-out war. Well, have a good one, and may you never miss twice, brother.**_

_**The difference between a revolutionary and a terrorist, is whether you are willing to put innocents in the line of fire.**_

**"Real men don't put a scope on an M1 Garand!" -TDiinva  
**_"Includin designated marksmen and snipers in the military?" -Aaron  
__**"Those guys aren't men. They're grim reapers." -D  
**_

There's a place for all of God's creatures...  
...Right next to the potatos & gravy! (ACTS 10:13)

_**"You better run... You better hide... 'Cuz if I find you, I'm gonna gut you alive!" -Me, at the end of a rather inspiring, fear-inducing speech that has something to do with Rainbow 6 Patriots. Figure it out on your own.**_

_**I carry a gun because a policeman is too heavy.**_

_**PWS: Taking an AK and an AR15, drugging them with spanish fly, and locking them both in a room with a bed and a case of Red Bull.  
The result? The MK1 series, also known as the Diablo. The baddest, hardest motherfuckin combat-ready rifle you can find that will take any abuse you can dish out, and still look good enough to leave you jizzing your pants. AK/AR debatists, eat your hearts out. Trolling successful. **_


	44. Chapter 43 The End of our Nightmare

**Waking Death**

The Nightmare

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid, suicidal motherfuckers. **_

#44 This is the last chapter of Nightmare Arc. This is an explanation of what all happens between now, and September. In those two months, Roy and the rest of STARS prepare for the worst, as they notice a sharp increase in the number of murders involving cannibals and supposed monsters along the outskirts of the city.

One of the first things that opcurred less than two weeks after our mission, was Chris making a complete ass of himself, to the point where the chief suspended him until further notice. Myself and Rebecca already knew he was just doing this as a cover so he could go off on his own, but we were aparently the only ones who noticed.

During that time, Barry and myself collected a rather impressive collection of arms from the armory, most all of it unnoticed. Patrol rifles, submachine guns, explosives, tactical gear, body armor; you name it, we hoarded it in preparation. We also made sure all officers had either a shotgun or rifle in their cruisers, as a precaution. Not that it really helped, but still. STARS had been disbanded three weeks after our mission, and we all went our own ways as regular cops.

I found myself training many of the newer officers in urban combat, hand-to-hand, and telling any who'd listen of my tales involving the mansion incident. Most of them scoffed at my stories, and some told me that such monsters were merely fairy tales. I would simply grin and put the offending officer in a headlock, saying that he'd believe when he had a V-act knawing on his ass.

Regardless, they didn't believe me. But, oh well. Back to our prepping, we went to the local newspaper, got them to print our story, sent copies to the Stars and Stripes, as well as a report to the FBI and even managed to get one to the CIA. Not that they looked into it immediately, but they would after the RC incident. Worthless bastards.

Anyway, we stashed several six-foot ballistic trunks in a storage locker in a backalley, not too far from Kendo's shop. Inside those four trunks were all the guns, ammo, and equipment you could need to equip an army for world war three. I also "Borrowed" one of the two STARS heavy riot vehicles. It was pretty much an extra-large, extended humvee, that was armored and had a water canon on its roof. I hid it in an old parking lot covered with a sheet, and dropped a few bits of garbage on and next to it. This was to avoid suspicion, since it made everyone think it'd been sitting there for months.

I made sure Rebecca knew how to drive it, since she'd be using it for a getaway later on. After the first month, Barry moved his family out of the city, and were moving far far away. Chris had also left, without a word. He was going to investigate Umbrella by himself, and Jill stayed in the city to gather more information. Rebecca stayed with me, since I asked her to, as she was a vital part of my plan. I myself remaine din the city, gathering materials and generally killing time.

I spent most of it screwing Rebecca to the walls, and turning her inside-out every night and most mornings. She was actually a nympho. Who knew? Anyway, within a few weeks, I noticed several things changing in myself. MY eyes had changed from their natural blue-green, to a very strange shade of red. I had taken to wearing sunglasses, since they'd aparently become far more light-sensitive, too.

My strength was also something that had changed. I now found myself accidentally shattering glasses when I went to get a drink, or cracking plastic cups. And I don't even want to talk about when I made eggs one morning. I was slowly getting used to my newfound power, but it was difficult to hide. The last few times, Rebecca complained of being sore and bruised after sex, and I noted to have her on top more often from now on.

It's also been more difficult to sleep, as the light from her alarm clock seems oddly bright, and I can actually hear her heartbeat. It's been more than a little odd, and frustrating, but I deal with it. I've also found myself craving raw meat, which is unappetizing at best. But a case of tictacs and altoids fixes the breath issues, and I order my steaks medium-rare to compensate. Still, when a craving hits, I keep several raw steaks in the freezer for just such occasions.

Thankfully, my hair didn't turn blonde. Rebecca still noticed the changes, especially when I started wearing the shades inside. Still... She never pried, not even when we had finished a session and she found her hips to be bruised a shade lighter than purple in the morning. She's been oddly encouraging about it, even doing something every man dreams of. She woke me the next morning with a blowjob. I was certain from that moment, that I had found myself a life-long partner.

Well, my private life aside, I've gotten pretty much everything ready for the nightmare ahead of us. Leon had gone back to the academy, to complete his training. He was to be back in the city on the 27th, and I knew he'd be out partying late that night, causing him to show up the next day. Jill would start her escape on that day, so I planned to be waiting for her at the RPD. I figured I could handle the nemesis, and keeping it KO'd for a few hours would greatly aid her escapade.

After July and half of August rolled by, there were many sightings of monsters in the darker parts of the city. The RPD had a curfew in place, and advised people to never go out alone. I reminded Rebecca to never leave home without her gun or I'd lock her in a chastity belt until Christmas. This threat was oddly effective. But she then threatened me to never perform oral until spring. ...Neither of us wanted either threat to be carried out.

Anyway, after August passed, it was one week into September when I brought the SWAT vehicle around to where me and Barry had stashed the equipment. I loaded it all up and told Rebecca to drive out of the city, and to wait for me at the nearest motel she came across that was more than fifteen miles past the city limit. I gave her all the pay I'd collected and saved up, which was somewhere around four grand, before telling her that I'd get to her sometime around the twenty-eighth or twenty-nineth.

She didn't know this at the time, but I'd stored a great deal of our clothes, personal possessions, and everything of value that had been in our apartment that day. When she teared up and went to beg me to go with her. I simply ruffle the brunette's hair and kissed her, telling the girl I loved to stay well away from the city until I came back to her.

She left reluctantly, but I threatened the chastity belt again if she didn't go. Knowing that she'd be our of harm's way did my heart good, and I went back to making sure everything was in place. Then I sat back, and waited. I'd already told Doc and several others to get the hell out of the city, before it was too late. Several did, but some were more stubborn than others. Didn't matter, I told myself, as I set in with all the ammo I could carry and sat down on the couch with an MRE.

I waited twenty days. On the fifteenth of September, only eight days after Rebecca left, all hell broke loose. It seemed to be that al the zombies got together an agreed on a date to suddenly attack all at once, and simply overwhelmed everyone. The police never stood a chance. I remained where I was, sitting in our apartment, chowing down when I needed to and observing the survivors the rest.

When I could, I saved a few dozen people. Simple enough, explain that the zombies would only stay down from headhsots, dogs were dangerous, and not to get bitten. Then I ignored their pleas and went back inside. I didn't enjoy it, but waiting was my specialty.

On the twenty-sixth, I got up from the couch and stretched, before readying my gear and heading out, making my way to the RPD precinct. I had to get there early, and make sure I could save Jill from ugly and get supplies to Red and Ace. (Claire and Leon)

I mentioned hiding several goodies around the RPD, and I did. From hand grenades to bullets to medical supplies. I also overrided Irons' order to spread the munitions around the building, and told the officers on the sixth of September to move everything back to the armory and leave it unlocked. When they questioned me, I simply said Irons was an incompetant fool who would get people killed by doing spreading things out, making people memorize changing patterns. One armory that was labelled and had signs pointing it out would be better for the survival of others.

I wasn't sure if they'd listened to me, but if they had, then it's likely more people would be alive by now. I could only hope, but I threw that thought aside as I arrived at the RPD, and opened the doors, sweeping left and right with my rifle.

_**Just a summary, but it has some details that are important. Rebecca got sidelined, Roy gathered (Stole) a ton of equipment, helped a handful of civillians, and got to the RPD early. What he does from here, might forever change the series entirely...**_

_**The difference between a revolutionary and a terrorist, is whether you are willing to put innocents in the line of fire.**_

**"Real men don't put a scope on an M1 Garand!" -TDiinva  
**_"Includin designated marksmen and snipers in the military?" -Aaron  
__**"Those guys aren't men. They're grim reapers." -D  
**_

There's a place for all of God's creatures...  
...Right next to the potatos & gravy! (ACTS 10:13)

_**"You better run... You better hide... 'Cuz if I find you, I'm gonna gut you alive!" -Me, at the end of a rather inspiring, fear-inducing speech that has something to do with Rainbow 6 Patriots. Figure it out on your own.**_

_**I carry a gun because a policeman is too heavy.**_

_**PWS: Taking an AK and an AR15, drugging them with spanish fly, and locking them both in a room with a bed and a case of Red Bull.  
The result? The MK1 series, also known as the Diablo. The baddest, hardest motherfuckin combat-ready rifle you can find that will take any abuse you can dish out, and still look good enough to leave you jizzing your pants. AK/AR debatists, eat your hearts out. Trolling successful. **_


	45. Chp 44 This is only the Beginning

**Waking Death**

End of Days

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid suicidal motherfuckers. **_

#45 Welcome... To the beginning, of the end. It is September 26, of 1998. And Roy is waiting in the RPD building, waiting for Jill Valentine to make her appearance. As of right now, he is spreading supplies around some of the easily-accessible parts of the building, and unlocked the Armory. It now contains less than what he expected, but it is far from empty. He dropped a note inside, telling anyone who read it to take what they needed and get out of Raccoon before the 30th, when the gov't would bomb the city, due to Umbrella's machinations. And not to trust Irons, either.

Clearing a path from the lobby to the armory and the STARS rooms was the first thing I did, before setting up shop at the receptionist's desk to wait for Jill to arrive. Waiting was a pain in the ass, but it was better than running around the city like an idiot looking for one woman dressed like a hooker. Yes, an uber-short leather miniskirt with a tight tube top and knee-high boots counts as hooker-gear. All she was missing was the ten tons of makeup and the stench of booze/cigarettes. She still looked hot as fuck, drop-dead gorgeous, but I'd really rather not have to run around a city full of flesh-eating zombies with a boner, thank you very much.

Anyway, so I pretty much sat there and decided to chow down on one of the MRE's I'd brought before tallying up the gear I had set aside for Leon and claire, along with the ammo I had for Jill. An M4 and a 12 guage, aside from my own, with enough ammo to last three days in the city the way it is now.

For Jill, I had roughly a dozen and a half loaded M16 mags, a handfull of beretta magazines, with a good number of hand grenades. Beyond that, for both parties, I had a good amount of medical supplies and MRE's. I figured Jill would need the latter since she'd be stuck in the city for a few days, and the couple would need 'em for after getting out. I also threw in a packet of birth control pills and condoms for Claire and Leon, not to mention a note that said, "Merry Fuckin' Christmas. PS: For shame, blondie. Chris is gonna neuter you." Beyond that, I'd included a pair of fuzzy earmuffs for them to slip onto Sherry. They were labelled as such.

Oh, I was evil. I wasn't sure if the fan-believed rumors of the redhead and the rookie getting their nookie on when they met up in the STARS room, but I wasn't one to put it past them. They'd at least boink like rabbits after they got out of the city, though. I'd bet my bottom dollar on it. I figured they wouldn't go searching too deeply through the two duffle bags until they were safe, and the spare clothes inside would help them greatly. In Jill's, I'd thrown in some lingerie as a joke, telling her to thank Barry and Carlos for saving her ass.

Eh, it'd be funny as fuck later on. Anyway, I needed to wait until tomorrow for Jill to show up. So I got under the massive desk and moved the bags so they'd conceal my presence, then sat back for a nap.

I woke up sometime around seven or eight, and I got out of my hiding spot before grabbing the bag for Jill and walking towards the main door. I set the bag down and kicked back, before lounging against the statue and waiting.

I didn't have to wait long. Half an hour later, I heard a loud pounding noise, hard enough that the doors rattled slightly. Ipicked up the bag, went over and kicked open the door. Nearly knocking a freaked-out Jill on her ass.

I grinned, before tossing the bag to her. She had her M4 in her hand, a gun strapped to her thigh, along with some sort of tactical rig on her body. She caught it by the strap, barely keeping her balance. "Yo! G'head'n make like a little bitch and run. I'll take care of ugly." I gloated, as I walked past her, and met face-to-face with ugly incarnate, the Nemesis.

As expected, Jill spun around, saw me standing toe-to-clubfoot with the giant, and said, "What the hell are you doing?! We have to run! That thing is hunting STARS!" I looked back, before saying,

"I know. Now fuck off and lemme do what I do best." With an evil grin, I looked back at Nemesis, before continuing. ".. Saving everyone's collective asses from giant monsters." I gave a mule-kick backwards, catching Jill right in her gut, sending her back and past the threshold, landing on her ass.

"Move it, Valentine!" With not a word further, I slammed the doors shut, before turning my attention back to the tyrant. It was charging me, only five or six feet away and closing fast. Fuck it! I raised my arms.. And caught him mid-dash.

I was pushed back, and slid the three feet until I was smooshed against the door... But it held. And so did my body. I returned the favor by raising my boot, and kicking out, sending Nemesis stumbling back.

"St..Ars... Star...ss..." Damn he was creepy. And tough as all hell. I was surprised I wasn't feeling like I'd been run over with a semi. It didn't even sting to be thrown against the door like that... And that's what surprised me. The lack of pain. But I didn't let that distract me.

I doubted I was stronger than this monster, but I could definately match him, and I knew for a fact that I was faster. He was on his feet now, glowering at me, before he started forward. On his approach, he raised a meaty fist, ready to pound me into a one-inch patty. "Stars..." Instead, I ducked right, stepped forward, jumped up and latched onto his shoulder.

Just before I pulled my shotgun from my back and jammed the muzzle against his face. "Fuck your stars!" BANG!

One shot, and he stumbled backward, and I hopped clear as he clutched a hand to his face. I took the oportunity to rack my gun, before slinging it onto my back. Raising my rifle, I took aim at his head and hand before dumping the magazine into it.

The creature barely flinched, until a few of the rounds peppered his only eye. THAT got a reaction. As the Nemesis roared and began flailing his arms around, trying to hit whatever it was that had blinded him. I simply stepped further back and reloaded. He was big, but he was slow and damn, was he stupid.

Hmm... He's tougher than the other tyrant I killed, so I'm not sure how to get him to stay dead... No exposed heart, bulletproof covering... I figured the good ole nade-down-throat gag would work. (Pun!)

I slung my rifle on my back, and reached into my asspack. Pulling out the desert Eagle I'd retained from the mansion. In my other hand, I pulled a hand grenade, and tucked the lever onto my vest. Then I ran forward, pulling a Leon outta my ass and dodging the creature's arms left and right, before ducking under his guard and once again clamoring up his giant torso, before wrapping an arm around his oversized bull-neck.

Then I took the magnum and placed it against his forehead. BAM! POW! KABLAM! "Now you're really gonna see stars!" BANG! BANG!...Click. And I continued firing, until all eight shots were in his skull. After the third, it slumped backward, and I had to move quickly to get my arm out from under him. I tossed the huge pistol aside, before pulling the grenade from my vest and tearing the pin out.

You know what happened after that. I crammed it as far into its mouth as I could, before jumping up, dashing away and snagging my magnum as I ran into the RPD building. I hadn't had the door closed for a moment when I heard the explosion. Or felt it, really, since it was so close.

Well, after a moment of looking around, I found that Jill had left the room. Eh, fuck it. I've done my job for today. The Nemesis shouldn't prove too troublesome for awhile. I hope it's just not going to try hunting my ass, too.

Moving back to my little spot, I reviewed what I needed to do over the next two days. Find and help Leon/Claire, make sure all the important survivors make it through the night, and get my ass outta the city before the day after tomorrow. That last one would be easy, with my physical prowess. I'd simply sprint through the streets, vaulting over zombies, cars, the occasional tall building...

Hey. I was a poor girl's superman. Like Leon was to James Bond, or Chris to Arnold Schwarzenegger. Or Barry to Chuck Norris. (HA HA! You've got to admit, that last one was funny)

Regardless, I had another long wait. Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dumbass shouldn't show up until late tomorrow night, and I was going to be bored outta my skull until they showed.

So, I set in to wait. For a long-ass time.

I passed the time away by loading, unloading, and reloading several magazines, sharpening my knife, and pacing around a bit. I was bored outta my skull. It didn't help matters that the moans of the dead could be heard all around. In time, my mind turned to thoughts of the past...

_"So, here we go again... Hey Sarah, you know who we're supposed to be offing today?"_

_She gave me a half-hearted glare. "Don't you ever listen during briefing? He's a politician. His name is... Will you stop that?" I looked up from nuzzeling her breast. _

_"What? How can you expect me to listen when you've got these on display? I mean, that's a form of torture, ain't it?" I grinned. She gibsmacked me regardless._

_"It will be if you don't keep it in your pants... We have a job to do in less than three hours. Lay off, or we'll be late..." I kept fondling. _

_"C'mon... Just one round?" I gave the bambi-eyes, lip-pout-quiver. She growled._

_"It's never just 'one round' with you, ya freak... We just did it five times not ten minutes ago!"_

_"But I'm horny again... I can't help it. He's rebelling against me while you torture my eyes..."_

_"...What're you, a yogurt dispenser?" Her eye crinkled and her brow went up, furrowing. She did this while looking at some of the dried seed plastered to her stomache._

_Once again, I grinned. "More like a yogurt factory!" I playfully rubbed my growing ache against her leg._

_She sighed, overacting. "I'm going to be drowned in a sea of semen..."_

_"But what a way to go... You know you love it."_

_"...Unfortunately for you, yeah, I do. Now roll over and gimme some sugar!" She playfully shoved me onto my back, before mounting my hips._

_"Don'tcha mean salt?"_

_Once more, she gibsmacked me... But she started riding my schlong, so I grinned anyway._

_You know, we were cutting it close that time... An hour late and he was still giving his damned speech. Stupid motherfucker didn't know when to shut up. It proved to be his undoing... Well, that and her bullet._

Once again... It hurt. I always wind up having dreams of my past, but instead of Sarah's face... I see Rebecca's. And in my real nightmares... I see them. Standing there, right above me, over my open grave. Mocking me, accusing me... Blaming me for their deaths. Holding shovels... I once thought I had already abandoned all fear from my system... But it seems I was wrong. There's always something more to fear...

Always something more to hurt you.

I... Didn't know how much more of it I could take. Yeah, I put up a strong, tough-guy front. I acted the fool, acted the badass, but half the time I didn't have a clue as to what the fuck I was doing. I set something in motion, came up with some half-baked scheme, and ran with it. For some reason, it always seems to work out. Maybe I've got the fool's luck.

If I only acted when I knew exactly what I was doing, I wouldn't have done anything at all. So here I am, willingly in a city full of zombies and monsters, all to do something that could have no effect whatsoever on the fate of the other survivors. Why the hell am I here again? Reality check.

...I have not a fucking clue. But I listened to my gut, and my gut is right... Most of the time. I just hoped Rebecca stayed out of the city limits. I didn't want to see her in this... Not with Nemesis wandering around.

**With Rebecca**:

What is he doing... He said he was going to help with evacuation, but... Even I have heard about what's been going on from out here. There have been reports of monsters, zombies, and all sorts of things plauging the city... All of them murdering people by the dozens. I knew he was strong... Strong enough to pull my sorry ass through the mansion without a scratch. Not to mention keeping the others alive.

I was sure he knew exactly what had been going on that night. It was the only way to explain how he did all those things... How he was never surprised, never scared... No matter how many times he's told me he was scared shitless, I know better. He was never afraid of what was inside that house of horrors. The only thing he was scared of was someone getting hurt. Of not being able to pull everyone out alive.

I've seen some of the things he's done. Wrestled with monsters, killed hundreds of them. Recently, he's accidentally broken things without meaning to. The look of shock on his face when he broke one of the granite countertops was priceless. But it worries him... He's confided in me that he worries whether he'll become a monster too... Maybe that's why he wanted to stay... Oh god... Please no...

"Roy... Please come back to me..." I couldn't fight back the tears, and they came... It was not a storm. It was a flood.

**Back with Roy:**

It's been hours... too many hours. I've remembered too much, had too much down-time to think... And had far, far too much time contemplating how this shit could go wrong. If Rebecca comes into the city... I'll have to take time to search for her. IF she's hurt, I'll have to treat her immediately. If she's dead...

I don't want to think about that. They wouldn't need to send a nuke... I would level this entire city in a rage. Nothing would be safe from my anger. I would hunt down Wesker and tear him apart; limb from limb with my bare hands, before killing everyone associated with Umbrella... Before killing myself. Such a bleak trail of thought... But now that I think about it... Completely true.

In the beginning, I thought Rebecca was cute. Smart, knew her way around a gun and a lab equally, and easy on the eyes. Did I mention she was cute as all hell? Later, I was attracted to her because she reminded me of Sarah... He personality, mannerisms, and most of all... Her eyes... And now... I loved her. More than I wanted to admit to myself. Now that I really think about it...

Knee-deep in thought, caught up in my musings and personal epiphany, I didn't notice the door opening until it slammed shut. Fuck! I spun, off my ass and into a crouch. I was already behind the desk, so I peeked my head out and...

"Hey, rookie!" Leon spun towards me, his gun pointed in my general direction.

"Oy, oy. Why's the end that shouldn't be pointed at people and animals lookin' at me?" I deadpanned, once again thankful for reading Black Lagoon. (I still wish that bastard would get back to writing that instead of some nurse-assassin joke of a manga. BL was badass! We miss Revy! If you read this, go back to Lagoon! We need our daily dose of Two-Hands! And in case you're too stupid to figure it out, I don't own Black Lagoon)

As Leon let out a breath and lowered his gun, he said, "Geeze, am I glad to see you!" He started towards me, as I reached down and picked up the duffle bag.

"Oy. Merry Fuckin' Christmas, ya dork." I tossed him the bag, which he caught and stumbled.

"Whoa! What's in this, bricks?"

"Nah, dead puppies." I deadpanned.

He smirked, but before he could open it and check, I said, "Supplies. Ammo, a weapon, food, change of clothes, and a few other odds and ends. It'll get you out of the city in one piece... Or not at all." He looked up at that last bit. Saw my cross-eyed expression, and chuckled.

"Thanks. I owe you for this."

I shrugged. "Just name your firstborn after me, and I'll call it square." I was joking, but then again...

"Hah. Whatever you say, drag king." Now it was my turn to guffaw.

"Drag king? That's a good one! Rebecca'll have a field day with that!"

His expression suddenly went serious. "Wait. Where's Rebecca and the others? Are they all out of the city?"

I nodded. "Becky's out in a motel waiting for me. Jill came through here a day ago, and I've helped a few other unlucky bastards the last two weeks. Barry is out of the state, while Chris dropped off the fucking radar. Brad died yesterday. Poor bastard. Hey, did you see a giant monster just outside?"

He shook his head, dumbfounded.

"Damn. Well, if you see a giant ugly-looking motherfucker wearing a black leather trench coat, run the hell away from him. Beyond that, good luck and godspeed. I've unlocked the doors already, but that one over there's got some new kinda locking mechanism. Think it's armored. I restocked the armory as best I could, and dropped some goodies around the areas I could reach. THere was some new kind of monster creeping about. Called a licker. Killed one in one of the hallways earlier." I jerked a thumb at the door to the call-room, then to the other door. The guy who had been alive at the beginning of RE2 was.. Absent. I had already unlocked the doors using the computer, yet he hasn't showed up.

I wondered if anything else would change... Eh.

"Alright. Thanks again. What're you going to do, anyway?"

I shrugged. "I'm waiting on someone to meet me here tomorrow. Then I'm high-tailing my ass outta here, whether they show or not. I'd reccommend you do the same." He nodded, before turning and going off on his way, M4 in hand. Boy was I glad I had Barry show him how to use that thing.

Anyway, sometime later, roughly ten to thirty minutes, I heard the door opening again. Guess who walks in this time? None other than Claire-fucking-Redfield. She was maybe three feet from one of the doors when I stood up, racked my handgun, and said, "Hold it right there!"

She froze the moment she heard my gun. Slowly, she raised her hands above her heard. "Don't shoot! I'm not one of those things!" Hm. Fun, or straight to the point... Eh.

"You wouldn't happen to be Claire Redfield, wouldja?" Even fifteen feet away, seeing her from behind, I saw her jump.

"H-how do you know my name?" Just a hint of fear. Not much, but enough.

"How do I know you? You're practically a celebrity around here. Your brother won't ever shut the fuck up about his annoying baby sister."

Hearing that, she spun around, saw me standing there, one hand on hip, the other holding a duffle bag.

"You know my brother? Who're you?"

"Name's Roy. Huh... He wasn't kidding when he said he had to beat boys offa you with a stick. Well, Mrs. Redfield, Merry Fuckin' Christmas. Hope you live to see a happy new years." I tossed her the bag, which she caught with far more grace than Leon had.

"Huh? What's...?" She was confused by the weight of the bag, along with recieving a gift now of all times.

"Your brother left without a word. I figured his loving sister would come to his rescue, riding in like the cavalry on a steel horse. I also figured you would do so at the worst possible time, being a Redfield. And I was right. Inside the bag are supplies, ammo, a weapon, food, change of clothes, and a few other bits'n'bobs. It'll get you out of the city in one piece... Or not at all. If you encounter a blonde rookie, ask him where the armory is. He'll show you. There's a generous supply of ammo and a few guns inside, in case shotguns aren't your thing."

She blinked. Again. Then, "Well... Chris said to never look a gift horse in the mouth..."

I grinned. "Nor a gift jackass. Go on, the doors are unlocked. For zombies, shoot 'em in the head. That'll put 'em down for good. Body shots are just wasting ammo. Good luck and godspeed, Red. You're gonna need it in this hell."

She shouldered the bag, then hefted the shotgun she'd pulled out. A classic, synthetic-stocked tactical 870 pump. Never leave home without a 12 guage!

She was on her way through one of the doors when she said, "Wait. What're you going to do?"

'Creepily follow you around till both you and Leon get it on in the STARS room before hauling ass outta this city.' I thought. I didn't say such a creepy, perverted thing out loud, of course. If I had, she would've freaked. And told her brother.

"I'm meeting a friend here tomorrow. Until then, I'll be waiting around. If they don't show, I'm running my fat ass outta the city." After moving back and settling myself in the receptionist's chair, I saw her turn and walk through the door. The same one Leon went through not even half an hour ago.

After five minutes, I stood up, checked myself and my gear, then went through that selfsame door.

Okay, moving through the creepy, deserted RPD was bad enough. Having to do it without using any firearms? When there are lots and lots of monsters and fucking zombies around? Now that, was exciting. I crept along, shadowing Redfield from a distance. It was a good thing I'd had her come along second. She was easy to follow. Smart, good instincts, but she had the damsel-in-distress weakness; she didn't pay attention to her surroundings. Fatal for someone who constantly lives this life. I get the feeling

Whereas Leon was a ditz, but he had the instincts of a beast. Better than good, he could tell when something was off. And when someone was shadowing him. So, I thanked whatever perverted diety would listen for having to follow Claire instead of Leon. This had the added effect of seeing her marksmanship at work.

Let's just say, I would not want to be the steel with her on the other end of the range. Whereas I had great instinctive aim, I relied far more on my adrenaline-high to get pinpoint accuracy on moving targets. Her? No. Her aim was far better than mine. I simply had my years of training and combat experience along with near- okay, fully superhuman reflexes. But she was just... Naturally gifted with a gun. Definately took after her brother when it comes to weapons.

It was a tough call to decide on which of the three was more skilled; Her, Chris, or Leon. I wasn't sure, but I get the feeling she would trounce them... Someway, somehow. The luck of the Redfields?

I nearly blew my cover in my musings, and had to quickly cover with my legendary tactic; feigning death while hiding and then throwing my voice to another side of the room as a distraction. She was coming closer to me, when, suddenly...

"Pppfftchurrrrttt!" A humongous fart was heard form the other side of the room. When she spun around, gun raised, finger tensed, I ducked further back, and hid myself.

Damned close, but I was still badass... I didn't even make a sound as I stabbed a zombie in the temple. Not even a sound... Until he hit the floor with a dull thud. It took some quick thinking, but I managed to get her attention away from me. With a very careful bit of ventriloquism.

Anyway, fifteen minutes later, she was outside the door to the STARS room, and I was down the hall, around the corner. After she opened the door and went in, had her tiff with Leon about Chris' diary, then... Then!

I crept right up to the door, tried peering through the keyhole, but when that failed, I waited, and listened.

When I heard the sounds of making out, moaning, and some heavy petting, I creepily, stealthily turned the doorknob, and opened the door just a crack. And was amazed at the sight. Leon was working Claire's naughty bits like a gynecologist. After double-checking to make sure no zombies were nearby, I watched on, wondering if I should tell Chris...

...Nah, I'd save that for if Leon ever pisses me off. Or if I ever need a good laugh.

Anyway, back to the horny couple, they were going at it full-force now. He had her laying on Chris' desk, (Oh, I was totally going to tell him that someday!) while he pounded the fuck out of her pussy. Virgin my ass... Wait. No, there was blood. Not saying where it was.

Continuing, I took a few careful notes, things to remember, point out, and was pleasantly surprised when they both twisted themselves into a position I'd never even heard of. I committed it to memory for when I caught up with Rebecca. It took twenty-three minutes, including the start of them making out. Then he busted a nut, you guessed it. Balls-deep inside of her.

While they were recovering, I stealthily shut the door, then stood up, and pounded on it as hard as I could without breaking it. **"KEEP IT DOWN YOU HORNY BASTARDS! YOU'RE LOUD ENOUGH TO WAKE THE DEAD!" **My shout was in... You guessed it... A fucking perfect impersonation of Chris Redfield. Chris Fucking Redfield. Holy shit... I heard them both fall off the desk. And I scrambled the hell out of there, giggling like a giddy schoolgirl. Okay, giggling like a manly, badass schoolgirl, if that's even possible. So sue me. I pulled it off.

And so... I found the answer to the age-old question; did Leon Kennedy bang Claire Redfield less than two hours after meeting her? Yes... Yes he did. And money never changed hands. Ha ha! Now, I had some dirt on Leon. And on Claire, if need be. I was grinning like a crazy bastard as I made my way back to the lobby, before checking my gear once more.

Then I stepped up to the main doors.

I took a breath, held it, let it out... Then I opened the doors, and stepped out _**into a modern-day Dante's Inferno**_.

_**Yes, he is a troll. Yes, he is obnoxious. Yes, he is a jerkass. But he's their jerkass, and he's funny. Never underestimate the power of funny. Any of you ever have a friend who is a jackass, but he's still your friend? You know he's a bad influence and a complete douche, but regardless... You'd miss him if he left. Kinda like Cartman... Not really, no. A dick, but funny, opinionated, intelligent, and has his heart in the right place. (I don't own South Park, by the way)**_

_**I will eventually delve into Roy's past, but for now... He remains a mystery, cloaked in an enigma, slathered in secret sauce, and duct-taped to a ticking fucking time-bomb. (Lev Grossman, The Magicians! Ha! Good book, better character. Penny was hilarious. Yes, Penny is a guy)**_

_**Roy may be an asshole, but he has a reason for being that way. Suffering for his actions has already taken place... It's just that no one sees it. What hurts on the inside will always be worse than what hurts on the outside. For those who recognise the signs, they know he is always in pain... Always regretting, trying desperately to never let it happen again. And trying... trying too hard, to never remember. But remember he does... And it hurts... So much inside.**_

_**Remember, a rhyme and a reason for everything. A method to my madness. And a piece of cheese at the end of the maze. **_

_**"In order to drive a mule, you need either a carrot or a stick. You know what I've got? My dick in my hand. And I'm not into that 'Farmer Fred' shit, fuck you very much. You got any better suggestions, I'd love ta hear 'em." -My own. Kinda funny.**_

_**"The pot calling the kettle black, eh?" -Old saying for calling someone a hypocrite. Not meant to be racist... I think.**_

_**"One death is a tragedy... A million is a statistic." -Truer words have never been spoken**_

_**Good luck and godspeed, you stupid suicidal motherfuckers. -My favorite Resident Evil line. Period.**_


	46. Chapter 45 Exit, Stage Left

**Waking Death**

End of Days

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid suicidal motherfuckers. **_

#46 Boom-lay, Boom-lay - Boom-lay, Boom-lay, BOOM! (Yes, I am a fan of Shinedown) Roy is now trying to escape the city, having did and seen what he needed to. (He was still smirking to himself) Here is where Murphy's Law goes into effect.

As I stepped outside, I quickly shut the doors behind me, then gave a quick look around. The space where the Nemesis was last seen was bare, except for a rather large stain of... Something. Dunno if it was blood, bone, or brains, but it was nasty looking. Smelled even worse.

Ignoring it, I turned to the left, and started down the street in that direction. Rebecca had left the city of the dead via the southwest road, the main drag. I only hoped she was still out of the city... And hadn't been pulled over for driving a police SWAT vehicle. I chuckled to myself. That'd be pretty damn funny.

Moving along, I started running full out, as I'd come across a relatively uncluttered street. Except for a handfull of roaming zombies, anyway. Holy shit! I nearly ran right into one of 'em. I skidded to a stop, plowing right into the fucker that was over fifty feet away from me not two seconds ago. He went down, moaning and groaning. I just hopped to my feet and grinned. I knew I'd be faster, but this was insane!

I could sprint at speeds over 50 MPH! Sweet! With a grin, I took a step back, then jumped over the prostrate zombie... And went thirty feet in the air. The fuck? WHAT THE HELL?! Thirty feet?! I nearly panicked on my way down, but caught myself, and landed on my feet... But misjudged my momentum, and pitched forward. Flat on my face.

As nose met asphalt, I had an epiphany. This was my punishment for not practicing my new physical feats before deciding to stay in a city full of flesh-eating monsters. 'Fuck me...' I thought, as I stood up and rubber my slightly-sore shnoz. Standing, I started to jog down the street. Still pretty fast, but now I wouldn't be hitting walls in mere seconds. Eh.

After my landing incident, I was getting better. Took me only four times of running into brick walls at fifty miles an hour. And the occasional lightpole. Anyway...

I was making progress. Good progress. Damn good progress... Er, what I saying again? Right. My progress. Ahem. I'd made it seven miles in mere minutes. I was damned close to getting to the city's limits, but then again. That's where fate decided once again, I was their personal chew toy.

"Stars... Stars!" Fuck. Me. Sideways.

"You again? I thought I showed you enough stars for one apocalypse!" I turned around, glaring at the monster. Then, I... Oh, shit.

He had a. Fucking. Rocket. Launcher. Shit!

I turned, sprinting as fast as I could. Too late. I heard the trigger click, the rocket ignite, and could feel my inner snarkass (Mix of a smartass with a snarky sense of humor) saying, _"We're blasting off again. How do I get myself into these messes..." _(This was a Pokemon pun. I don't own that, by the way)

Running fast as my legs could carry me, I got pretty far in the 1.7 seconds it took for the rocket-propelled grenade to travel the distance between ugly and my former...

**HOLY FUCKING SHIT! **

'That wasn't an RPG! That was a heat-seeking mini-missile! WTF?!' I ran on, right towards a brick fucking wall, noticing how the rocket turned in midair to follow me as I turned and twisted, trying to guage it's reactions. It was still catching uuup...

'Shitfuck shitfuck shitfuck shiiit!'

I was about to hit a fucking wall... Fucking lovely. Great ending... Fuck that!

Placing my foot flat on the wall, I started running.

_Straight up. _

Think Leon from Resident Evil 4. But much faster, and in much more of a panic.

Seven steps, and I was fifteen feet in the air, and the damned rocket was only about ten feet away. Cue kickoff from wall... Midair flip... Barely dodging said missile... And unceremoniously landing on my face. Then rolling as far as possible in the .4 seconds between my landing and the explosion.

- Cue BIG FUCKING BANG -

Ow. OW. OW! **HOLY FLIPPITY FLYING FUCK THAT SHIT HURT! **

**"**Gaaagh...**"**

I was roughly fifteen feet from the now-destroyed wall, and eighty feet from where I was when jackass thompson over there fired at me. And I was covered in a rather large pile of bricks. Some of them were pretty goddamned hot. Which explains why the sleeve of my shirt is on fire...

I sat up, sending several smashed bricks flying. After patting out the flames licking at my shirtsleeve, I gave a quick systems check.

All nominal, 'cept feeling like I just got sat on by El Gigante. Fuck me...

I stood up, brushing several bricks off, before turning towards Nemesis. And I was pissed.

"Alright, asshole. Round two begins right fucking now. Ding-ding."

I charged forward towards big ugly at a dead sprint, moving faster than I thought possible... Until my shoulder slammed into his gut, and sent him flying backwards. (Only about ten feet... But still, I was pretty damn happy with myself)

I was on him before he even landed. Punches and kicks rained down, hard enough to shatter rifle plates. (I could tell because I felt a good number of them shattering within his giant trench coat. THAT is why bullets didn't seem to phase him... 'Less you shot him in the face)

Within five seconds, he hit the ground, cracking the pavement, and I had hit him a grand total of 53 times. Then he started to get up...

"Fuck! Why don't you stay down?!"

Desperate, I grabbed the collar of his coat, pulling him up, and smashing my fist straight down. _Right into his butt-ugly mug._

This smashed him down, really cracking the asphalt... And it felt like I cracked my fist, too.

Now I was _really _ticked. I grabbed his launcher, and ripped it out of his hand before he could register what was happening. Turning, I jumped off him and ran like mad, until I was a good fifty feet away. Then I spun around, skidding to a stop as I brought this monster's weapon to bear.

"FUCK YOU!" *Click*

Oh, my aching...

Everything... Ow. I pulled the trigger, aiming right at his chest, and the oversized weapon fired... But it was designed for something like him, not someone like me. It had no recoil inhibitors, and it didn't matter how strong I was... It sent me flying backwards just as fast as the rocket flew forwards. About twice the speed of OWCH!

Well, after I pulled my ass together and got up, I found the rocket launcher was.. Well, destroyed. In more than a few dozen pieces. Lovely. Bet it didn't have a warranty, either.

Turnign my attention back to buttface, I found he was... Not doing so good. His coat was mostly gone, at least the top was. His entire chest area was covered in black soot, and I saw a part of his face was gone. Oh, and half his left arm was, too. Sweet.

Realising that this fight was turnign against him, the giant killing machine stopped advancing, turned around, and started sprinting away.

"...Wow. Guess even Umbrella's superweapons are chickenshits. Fucking lovely..."

After a quick once-over, I found that I was intact. No bruises, no bumps, no cuts, and nothing even remotely wrong with my body. I felt fine a few moments after nearly getting blasted apart, but my clothes...

Well. Not so much. My sleeves were nearly gone, burned half to a crisp and covered in soot, melted brick, and some strange substance I couldn't identify. I tore them off, and looked at my pants...

Wearable, they still covered everything, but the less said about them, the better. I was starting to wonder if Umbrella had something against my wardrobe...

A rather annoyed Wesker sneezed, as he went through the mens' section of a department store. He blamed it on the fake moustache he was wearing... Although the big nose and glasses didn't help matters. People were staring at him more than usual. But he chalked that up to being so good-looking.

Now, where could he find a black trench coat on clearance... Ah, yes, at a Matrix convention!

Regardless, I started moving again. The last thing I needed was to be caught here on foot when they launched a nuke. I hoped... Nay, prayed that both Leon and Claire made it out of this hell alright... I pretty much just sent them into Satan's playground on a whim. They SHOULD be okay... But even then, my presence takes the canon, bends it over, and fucks it up the ass. Without lube, without kissing, and most certainly without cuddling afterwards. (By the way, the canon, is what we know happens. What is proven and or decided by public opinion. Such as Barry, Chris, Jill, and Rebecca surviving the mansion incident)

'Okay, I'm roughly nine miles away from the city limit. So long as I don't... Okay, fuck that. I am not engaging Murphey's Law by my own will, damnit!' I kept on, moving at a well-paced jog. Which is to say, about twice as fast as a winner of the Iron Man Triathalon. Quick, but not too fast for me. I wasn't even breathing hard...

I was starting to worry about what my new physical prowess would lead to. The last thing I wanted was to wind up hurting Rebecca... Ah, shit. Now I've got her in my head and I garuntee it's going to distract me long enough for me to- **WHAM!**

...

Ow. I ran headfirst into another light pole. Fucking hell... The noise drew soem unwanted attention, and I noticed more than a few deadheads turning my way. Fuuuck...

Ignoring the undead, I returned to my activity, running the hell out of this...Ci...ty...

...

...

...

"...Fuck."

I had turned a corner, and found myself staring at a huge pileup. It consisted of a bus that had flipped onto its side, and many, many cars has run into it from both sides of it. Did I mention the fire? And the rather large pool of gasoline or oil on the ground underneath?

I sighed. "How did I know that this shit was waiting for me..."

Ah, fuck reasoning. I took a few steps back, than ran straight at the unwanted roadblock, before jumping as high as I could over the assembled... Holy... Once again, my internal monologue was interrupted my by newfound physical abilities.

I was about eighty feet in the air. And still rising, to a peak of roughly... 89? Between there and 95. Very high.

This time, coming down, I remembered my paratrooper training, and hit the ground running. Before pitching forward, and rolling with the landing, until I found myself in a crouch seven feet from where I landed. Nice...

Getting up, I looked around. Only a mile and a half from the city limit, and nearly a hundred zombies milling around in front of me.

"Well... Like they say. Live and let die, right? Heheh. Roll the dice, motherfucker!" I pulled my shotgun from my back, and racked it... To find that my shotgun was, in a word, busted. Must've been when I fired Nemesis' rocket launcher...

The rods connecting the forearm to the receiver were bent out of place, and one of them was just place ripped out of socket. Lovely... I had a 500-dollar boat anchor now, until I pulled off the fore-end and both connectors, replaced, them, and put the gun back together. And I didn't have the necessary parts. Fuck it.

I tossed the gun aside, and pulled my rifle around, looking it over. No damage, and...

I aimed, and fired at the nearest deadass. It went bang every time. "Alright, a setback, but nothing unusual. Let's rock, bitches!"

One extremely violent, gorey, and utterly inappropriate-for-children-and-or-daytime-television incident of genocide against the living-impaired later, and bam. I was now three magazines lighter, and there were no zombies in sight. Wonderful. I slung my M4 on my back, and started to run again, eager to get the hell out of here, and back to Rebecca's sweet embrace.

I jogged through the now-empty streets, and found something odd. Aside form that one road chauk full of 'em, there were no Z-boys in sight. Nothing, no one. Not even a licker.

Fighting the urge to say, 'Well, what could go wrong...?' I picked up the pace, dashing from street to street, going into an all-out sprint to get away from this nightmareish setting. Burned-out cars littered the pavement, bodies were scattered about, many of the desiccated. And yet there wasn't a single zombie in sight... I had a baaad feeling about this...

Well, I found myself at the edge of Raccoon less than an hour later, having run into no more than a handfull of infected. I was puzzled, as I'd expected to have to wade through the mud the blood and the bodies to leave this hellhole, yet here I stood. I considered going back, to see that blondie and red made it out alive, when I felt the eath shake, and my ears were ringing.

An explosion, some two hundred metres away. I turned, with the intent of checking it out, when a thought hit me. Why the hell should I go and risk my neck for something that's probably nothing? Or worse, it's the Nemesis, with another rocket launcher. Fuck that...

With a nonchalant turn and a cheeky whistle, I started out and away from the city, deciding to look out for number one in this case. If they survived, bully for them. If not, too bad. I shouldn't even be here, so it's best if I leave and let things pan out on their own. Besides... Rebecca must be going stir-crazy by now.

At this exact moment, a certain short-haired brunette medic was lying in bed, panting, moaning, twisting and turning. "Ugh... Oh... No..No... Roy... Please don't... No... Ahh... Ah-ah, Ahhhn... More... Give it to me... Ahha, hhaaann..."

...Nah, she's probably doin just fine.

_**"In order to drive a mule, you need either a carrot or a stick. You know what I've got? My dick in my hand. And I'm not into that 'Farmer Fred' shit, fuck you very much. You got any better suggestions, I'd love ta hear 'em." -My own. Kinda funny. Said it during a rather spirited debate over... Well, you wouldn't be interested anyway. Why are you still reading this? Go away.**_

_**"The pot calling the kettle black, eh?" -Old saying for calling someone a hypocrite. Not meant to be racist... I think.**_

_**"One death is a tragedy... A million is a statistic." -Truer words have never been spoken. Joeseph Stalin.**_

_**Good luck and godspeed, you stupid suicidal motherfuckers. -My favorite Resident Evil line. Period.**_

**Player**: HK-47, can you translate?  
**HK-47**: Analysis: 98% probability that the miniature meatbag's compatriots have been captured and he is asking for our help in remedying the situation.  
**Player**: What about the other 2%?  
**HK-47**: Reply: 2% probability that the meatbag is simply looking for trouble and needs to be blasted. That may be wishful thinking on my part, master.

-From Knights of the Old Republic.

"Note to self: find Murphy and kill him." -Ron the True Fan. A great writer, if a tad unorthadox. This is one of the best lines I've found on Fanfiction, besides the one about Wesker, Barry, and a sandwich.

"Get me out of this fucking box! I'm not dead!"

-Classic response to the question of, "What do you think _ would say if he/she was still alive?"

"Remember kids, a wise man knows when it's time to... RUN LIKE A LITTLE BITCH!" -Desert Punk. (I don't own it)


	47. Chapter 46 Going out with a Bang!

**Waking Death**

End of Days

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid suicidal motherfuckers. **_

#47 Well, our Anti-Hero has left the city, and is currently making like the roadrunner, dashing like mad away from the now-desiccated Raccoon City, in hopes of seeing his beloved Rebecca again... Now, how likely is that? In a world of survival horror... Nothing is certain... Except that some poor dumb schmuck is gonna die. Painfully.

**Author's Note; GAH! I freaking hate wordpad! Okay, readers, my apologies. I had a series of dashes going across the page between sections, and at the end of each fic that seperated the fic from the quotes and notes at the bottom.**

**These were apparently edited out whenever I uploaded something, and for that, my deepest, sincerest apologies. I'll be going through each individual chapter correcting that for this fic, so as to avoid confusion. I'd still like to know why it deletes the two spaced lines that were placed between different sections in the first place... From now on, I will leave a **** symbol between sections to seperate them, if I cannot use the lines. Anyway... Read on, and thank you for reading!**

Now of course, my life couldn't possibly be that simple and easy. I went to check out that wierd noise, but instead of finding nothing interesting, I got wrapped up in a whole goddamned fiasco where I tripped and fell into an open manhole. From there...

Well, shit. I got up, wiped the water from my face, and found Leon and Claire staring at me. They were down in the sewers, and I was now stuck with them. From there, we fought the giant gator, and I went along with them...

The rest of the night's events were far, far too badass, awesome, and epic for me to describe to you in words.

Well, in short, I pretty much found myself saving their asses all night long, told them both to shack up together, and did most of the fighting for them. In short, the same thing as the Mansion Incident, but it was more badass. So I can't tell you guys about it. Suffice to say, I made fun of Ada in the funniest way possible... I just might mention it later on.

Anyway, I rode the train with 'em at the end, corrupted Sherry, and conveniently slapped Claire's ass in a way that she wound up in Leon's arms, on his lap, with their lips pressed together. Did I mention pulling down her shorts at the same time...?

Hahahahahaha! Regardless... I got off the train, we found ourselves in a forest. I handed those three all the money I had in my wallet, before turning and saying something truly badass...

"What? But Roy... This is too much!" Claire, obviously.

"No, it's not. You two will need it, what with the kid. I'm more worried about you three than myself. So take care of yourselves, alright? Besides... I need to get moving. Good luck, and Leon..."

I turned, facing the trio, looking Leon dead in the eye...

"...Use a rubber next time. Otherwise Chris will murder the fuck out of you AFTER he castrates you." cue jaw-drop from those two, whereas Sherry looked at me...

"They did that?!"

I took that as my cue to haul my cackling ass away, through the trees far too fast for them to catch.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

'I am the afroman, runnin through the woods from the ku klux klan...' Uncalled for, a smirk tore its way onto my face, making me chuckle while running fifty miles an hour down the highway, dodging zombies, corpses and roadkill (Same thing, really) along the way. It's a cheesy-ass remix of Iron Man by Black Sabbath, like Ice Cream Man.

'I am the ice cream man, runnin over fat kids with my van. When they hear my bell, they all start runnin like hell...'

"Shit... Now I have that song stuck in my head... Fuck."

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Needless to say, my jouney from the forest to the rinkidink motel that was thirty miles outside the city limits was less than pleasant. The forest was roughly twenty miles away, so it was only a ten mile run, so it wasn't that bad... Especially since I was hauling ass away from a burning city that was soon-to-be-nuked. Or in my humble, (Not really) well-informed, (Are you?) and completely unbiased (...Are you really going to lie outright?) opinion, a smoking crater with a wierd smell. That's all that'll be left of Raccoon City, the birthplace of Resident Evil...

And the starting place of three beautiful relationships. Eheheheheheh. I can't wait to blackmail those two about their little escapade later... It's a shame I didn't have a camcorder on-hand. Then I'd put it on the internet and tag Chris as the cameraman. Or... I'd wait for Facebook and Twitter to come about and I'd connect it to them and score thousands of hits! I garuntee Wesker would someway, somehow make some snide remark in a comment. And I bet it would be fucking hilarious.

Anyway... Holy shit, I nearly over-shot my target. Cheapass motel, dead ahead...

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

After skidding to a halt, (And landing flat on yer face) I got up, dusted myself off, and meandered over to the hostel, hoping Leon and Claire would find someplace else to stay. Nay, I was sweating bullets about that. I didn't need them finding me balls-deep in Rebecca, fucking her brains out after saying I had things to do...

Well, I waltzed over, walked right through the front door, marched up to the front desk, and said to the middle-aged woman standing there, "Good evening, ma'am. Would you be so kind as to tell me the room number of a miss Rebecca Chambers? Short little brunette girl, who showed up driving that monstrocity out front."

The receptionist blinked at me. "I'm sorry sir, but I can't..." I leaned forward menacingly...

"Look lady. I've just had a real nasty night, and you can see I'm covered head-to-toe in blood, so would you kindly not piss me off? Becky's my girlfriend, and I'd like to let her know that I didn't die a gruesome death. Beyond that, I desperately need a shower and a nice long fuck to help forget the burning city full of undead monsters I just got out of. If you don't believe me, then call the phone in her room and tell her Roy's here. You have exactly thirty seconds to come to a decision before I take my boot and shove it down your throat."

Well... This got the reaction I wanted. She gulped, picked up the phone, dialed a short number, before saying, "M-miss Chambers, there's a very large, scary-looking man here looking for you calling himself Roy-"

Even I could hear the ear-piercing "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" That came from the other end of the line. The woman winced, Elena, according to her nametag. I didn't give much thought to her appearance...

Less than thirty seconds later, the main entrance was thrown open, and there stood a short, ultra-cute brunette angel... Clad in boyshorts and a T-shirt, barefoot with red-rimmed eyes and disheaveled hair. I grinned, before saying, "Miss me, baby?"

I never got an answer, since she dashed forward and glomped on me, smashing her lips against mine, shoving her tongue as deep into my mouth as she could, practically strangling me with her death-hug.

After prying her off my face so I could breathe, my first words were, "Whoa, whoa. Not here, Becks. First, I don't care for an audiance. Second, I need a shower. Third... You're not gonna be able to walk tomorrow, so if there's anything you need to get done..." She vigorously shook her head, before pulling me by my hand out the door.

I casually waved to Elena on my way out, before jogging along with Rebecca, as eager to get to our fuckery as she was. She unlocked the door, pulling me inside with a strength only found in sexually frustrated nymphomaniacs. The door shut and locked itself behind us, with a finality that would be imposing to anyone who wasn't about to get their/fuck the brians out of someone.

**CUE MUSIC: "The one thing," by 12 Stones, followed by "I'm With You," also by 12 Stones.**

I shoved her onto the bed, gently, of course, before unstrapping my gear, clothes, armor, weapons, ammo, hookshot, and everything else that was covered in blood and gore. After dropping that unceremoniously on the floor, walking over to the bathroom, and being grabbed by her from behind, I gave in.

"Okay... Shower foreplay it is. Just lemme scrub the gore off before we start making out, neh?" Oddly enough, she hadn't said a damn word so far, just remained wide- and teary-eyed. Probably expecting to wake up and find out it's a dream.

So, basic routine. Shower on, brush teeth, check water temp, hop in, lather hair, grab rag, soap up, scrub, rinse, repeat. Once that was done, I spun around, embraced Rebecca, and said...

"Baby... Never again. I will never again be away from you for so long... I missed you so much... I love you so much, Rebecca."

"I love you too, Roy... So... You're real...? I'm not gonna wake up and find out you... Didn't make it...?"

I smiled kindly, before responding. "I am alive and well... And I'll be right here with you always, until the day you ask me to leave."

Her eyes... Bright green, shining, glistening with tears. "Never again... I want you with me. Forever and always." She stood taller, up on her toes, pressing her tender lips to mine... I pulled away...

"Forever and always..."

Before I pulled her against me, deepening our kiss... Tongues clashed, libidos peaked, and with an undying passion, our lovemaking started, right then and there... (I wouldn't even call it that. Passion, fire, love, and our very souls bonded that day... And we spent the entire thing in bed)

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

**SEXUAL CONTENT WARNING! LEMON! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!**

Pressed against each other, tongues clashing, bodies writhing, genitals quivvering, pulses throbbing... Damn we were all over each other. She moaned into my mouth as I moved my hands lower, rubbing her sex while she started to work my shaft, intent on making the other feel pure euphoria. Well... We swapped enough spit to nearly drown one another, and it took a helluva lotta effort to restrain myself, since my strength could easily break such a small girl.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

We finished our foreplay in the shower, before stumbling out, turning the water off, and then stumbling out of the bathroom, into the main area, and then into bed. We left the light off, and went at it with a vigor born only of passion.

Massaging her breasts, clit, and G-spot all at once while she worked my cock with her mouth in 69 was ungodly, since she seemed hell-bound to get all ten inches down her gullet. With loud, wet, lewd slurping noises filling the silence in between moans, our entire room soon reeked of sex, sweat and love. Not to mention the aroma of blood coming off my discarded clothes, but we paid it no mind. We had other things on our minds...

My hands were busy, my mind was going blank, and my entire body felt like it was on fire... Not burning in a charred-flesh sense, but getting hotter and hotter, with no end in sight... Like the spark in my heart caught, and erupted in a magnificent flame to drive away the darkness within my soul...

Okay, minus the flowery language? I was all hot and bothered, and she was making me even hornier.

"Augh... Rebecca... "

She didn't say a word, just picked up the tempo of her mouthwork and moaned with my cock in her mouth. I was on cloud 9 and still rising... So I starting working her insides as best I could so she'd get off as good as I was about to.

Which didn't take long, we were both edging along, about to explode our love all over one another when we both moaned...

"Cumming...!"

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Daaaaamn... She took my root to the base, her nose pressed against my balls while my tongue was buried in her wet hole, as we both climaxed. The tightening knot in the base of my stomache clenched even tighter, before snapping loose as my seed spewed into her mouth and down her throat, the cute brown-eyed girl moaning and shuddering the entire time...

After a few moments of post-orgasm bliss, I pulled her up and turned her around, so she was laying on her back on top of me, my mantenna pressed between her thighs and rubbing against her groin.

I lifted my head, leaving a trail of kisses along her neck before giving her earlobe a gentle suck. "How do you want it...?"

"Hard... Rough... Fuck me till the nightmares go away..." She practically moaned this, simultaneously grinding her kitty against my shaft. I needed no further encouragement.

"...As you wish." Moving my hands downward, grasping her hips, I lifted her ass up, shifted myself, before lowering her crotch down onto my fuck-muscle. With a little force, the tip penetrated her heat, sending what felt like pure white lightning from my rod straight up my spine.

Pressing her downward, I sat up and dragged myself backward so she'd be resting against my chest while I pistoned her hips. I wanted her to just relax and enjoy herself... I owed her so much for sending her away the way I did.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Fifteen minutes of using her like an oversized Fleshlight/onahole, and two orgasms for her, I shifted us into doggy, wrapping my arms around her torso and leaning forward, pulling her flush against my chest while pistoning my hips.

My god... Cloud 9 doesn't even begin to describe the feeling of having my length buried inside of that wet warmth... I wasn't sure how, but she knew what I was thinking. She turned her head just as I leaned further forward, bringing our lips together once more, seeming like if we stopped, the other would disappear forever... And we both wanted nothing more than to stay like this forever, with this one person just as we were... Tongues clashing, passion flaring, true love in motion...

Our liplock lasted for what felt like years... But must have been little more than ten minutes before we seperated, gasping for oxygen... Before we started it all over again.

We did this for at least half an hour, until I practically growled into her mouth, feeling my second climax rising up, my hips still moving as I started spewing.

"Ah-ahhh... Ahhn... Ah- haaaan!... I- I can feel you... Filling me... Oh god..."

Eventually, my cock stopped twitching, but I still felt that painful sensory overload that comes with fucking through an orgasm.. I savored it, yearning to keep going until I blacked out. Less than a minute after my ejaculation ended, I flipped Rebecca over, snatched one of the pillows and laid her head and back on it.

Positioning done, I resumed fucking her, my arms underneath her delicate body and holding her shoulders to keep her in place, our lips firmly pressed together. We were in this position for what felt like ages...

I don't know how long it was. After my third jizz, I moved backward, pulling her back and on tip of me. From there, we kept up our makeout while she got her knees under her and began riding me, cowgirl style. In retrospect, I'm amazed she could get her legs to work. But I'm thankful, since she rode me like a sybian for the next two shots, before I pulled her over and onto our sides. then our fucking continued.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

We kept that up for hours... I lost count of my orgasms after nine, which was in the fourth or fifth hour, and hers after twenty, in the fourth hour. We made love for at least ten hours, including the shower, and after the eighth... She was pretty much out of it, nothing but a quivvering pile of flesh completely enveloped in pleasure, riding a wave of pure orgasmic bliss, but just barely conscience.

After that, she conked out, completely sated, soaked in sweat, and leaking jizz. I was barely thinking by then, my mind fuzzy and going completely white. I picked her up, moved us onto the other bed, the one we hadn't completely ruined by fucking on it, pulled the covers over us both, pulled her comatose form against me, before I passed out, following her into our post-coital coma...

**SEXUAL CONTENT END! LEMON'S OVER, FOLKS! **

I wasn't sure how long we were out, but goddamn... I was sore, my fuck-muscle felt like I'd put it through a wringer, and don't get me started on my nuts. It felt like someone had taken and placed them under a steamroller, before smashing them with a rolling pin. Ouch.

After a few moments of gingerly making sure my equipment was still fully attatched and functional, (not bleeding or about to fall off) I looked at the comatose girl lying next to me...

Holy fuck. She was looking rough. Her hair was stuck up at an odd angle, had a few hickeys on her shoulders that matched the ones on mine, and her entire groin/inner thigh area was... Well, a very interesting shade of purple. Her ass was also a very dark shade of pink, same with the backs of her thighs.

But goddamn... She had the happiest smile on her peaceful features... I dreaded seeing the grimace she'd be sporting the moment she woke up. I'd bet just about anything she'd be experiencing a 7.5 out of ten on the Pain Scale. An 11 means you pass out, where 10 is the most pain you can tolerate without conking out, and 1 is an itch. Slight bruises in the shape of handprints on her breasts informed me that Ialso got an epic titfuck earlier, which I was fairly elated about, since parts of what we did were... A bit hazey.

Just as I started to consider whether or not we actually did anal, she stirred in her sleep, starting to shivver. I carefully laid back down, gently pulling her close to me before laying the covers over us once more. I figured she would at least want to wake up in her lover's arms, even if she was in pain. I wanted her to be happy... And the least I can do is hold back my painful bladder long enough to let her wake up comfortably.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Not sure how long it took, but she eventually woke up... And yelped the moment she tried to move.

"Ah... you alright? That sounded painful." She turned over, facing me, and grimaced.

"It feels... Like I got run over by a semi. And the driver then backed up, just to make sure he hit me with all 18 wheels." I winced.

"Ouch... Sorry. I'll get you some herbs and a spray, then we'll wash the grime off and get something to eat. Sound good?"

She smiled, despite the pain. "Sounds like a plan to me... I don't suppose some ice could be thrown in?"

I smirked. "You got it, babe."

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Didn't take long, I extricated myself from the bed and fetched the herb mixes I could find, and gave her two sprays for good measure. Set up the shower so it'd heat up, then I was about the walk out the room when Rebecca called out, "Wait! You know you're naked, right?!" I paused, looked down, and whaddaya know! I was completely unclothed. Whoops.

After putting on some pants, forgetting a shirt for now, I grabbed the room key and ice-bowl from the nightstand and went out, re-entering the main area, and asked the rather grumpy receptionist where the ice machine was. Elena, aparently the graveyard-shift desk worker, glared at me.

"Could you have possibly been any louder last night...? Every other guest that was staying here complained."

"Yes, we could have, and you'll find out later tonight. Hell, half the time she had her mouth clamped around my-" Best to be flippant. I'm not in the mood to deal with idiots when Becca needed ice...

"I don't want to know! It's down the hall!"

With a smirk that Wesker would have been proud of, I found the icebox, filled up the bowl, and returned to Rebecca's room. The moment she saw my expression, she had to ask.

"Alright, what'd you tell the receptionist...?"

"Oh, nothing. She asked if we could have been any louder and I told her she'd find out tonight." Rebecca snorted, and started to laugh, until she really thought about that I said.

"Wait. Tonight? Hell no! I can't even stand, no way in hell you're fucking me like that again tonight!" Her expression was priceless. Eager, wanting, but completely freaked out and afraid.

"I was kidding. Here, see if this helps." I walked over, handing her the ice and a large strip of torn cloth I conveniently found lying on the floor.

After fashioning a makeshift icepack, she gingerly placed it on her groin, wincing as she did so.

"Those herbs help any?" She nodded.

"Yeah, but it'll take a few hours before the bruises fully heal. The painkillers from the spray should kick in soon enough, though."

"Well, that's good. Sorry about all this... And the bites."

Seeing my downcast gaze, she smiled... "It's alright... I distincly remember returning the favor. I'm surprised I didn't take a chunk out of your shoulder. And... I did enjoy myself, so it's not unwarranted... Could we try not to, um... Go so long without it, though? I don't think my hips can take this kind of abuse regularly..."

So...Cute...Must... Resist... Libido... "Eheh. Yeah... My fault on that. Sorry. Er, I know this is probably just an afterthought, but are you still on birth control? I'm pretty sure that much semen will get you pregnant if we aren't careful..." She blinked. Then looked down... And noticed the relatively large white stain on the sheet beneath her crotch.

"Oh... Yeah... I am, but... I should probably douche today... And take the morning-after pill, just to be safe..."

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

We waited, making small talk for a good while between kisses, lying naked in bed. We stayed like that for the longest time...

Well, roughly ten to twenty minutes, before the painkillers kicked in, and we both got up and got into the shower. Now, I may be strong... But it was ungodly difficult not to shove her against the wall and ravish her all over again, bruising be damned.

However, she took notice of my discomfort, and while we were in the shower, after we'd scrubbed off all the gunk we'd built up yesterday, she got on her knees and... 'Relieved' my stress, with it spurting into her mouth.

"Mmmph... Mm-ulp. Gah, geeze... You shot so much just last night and you nearly drown me with it... You're a freak, you know that?" I only grinned in response, while she stood up.

After I diddled her womanhood to get her off without aggravating her bruised tender bits, we finished sudzing it up and getting all nice and squeeky clean. Once we were done in the shower and went back to get dressed, I left my messed-up shirt and pants where they were, grabbed my gear and seperated it from the gunky bits, then checked inside the drawer that Rebecca pointed out as the one she put sets of my clothes in.

After finding a nice, long-sleeve form-fitting black T-shirt and black cargo pants, along with a spare set of combat boots, I got dressed and slung my Galco on, leaving my cougar in it, then strapping my tac-gear on, placing Sarah in my thigh-rig. Once I was done and squared away, my rifle set on the bed, full tactical loadout on my body, I picked up on something. Rebecca was staring holes in my back.

"Hm? Something wrong?"

"No, no, it's just... Those scars... How did you get them? You never told me before." She blinked, her head tilted to the side.

"Huh. Well, most of them are from my training, during my childhood. A scar from a blade looks much deeper if you get it while you're young, and then you grow up and get a lot bigger. Some of the biggest ones on my back were from a bear when I was in the Rockies. A few bulletholes here and there, but the rest are from knives." I picked up my rifle, unloading and field-stripping it.

Eyes wide, she asked, "But how did you get so many? A lot of those look very close to being fatal..." I pulled out the bolt, wiping it clean and applying a coating of oil, then returning my attention to the bolt carrier.

"I have a penchant for close combat. I'd rather get up-close-and-personal with my enemy, and my reckless fighting style doesn't help matters. I've taken hits to ensure I gutted my opponent, and let myself get stabbed to prevent them from hitting something valuable." BCG clean, I checked the buffer, recoil spring, and inside of the buffer tube. Clean enough. I pulled a bore snake from my bag, then ran that through the barrel.

"But... Why?"

" 'Cuz I live to win. I fight, I kill, and I win. The day I lose, is the day I die. I guess I do it to prove my existance, to justify living the way I do. Pretty sure Frued would call me an idiot," I grunted, while adjusting some of the straps on my vest, then the sling. After that I reassembled my rifle, loaded it, and slung it on my back.

"But that's..." I turned back to her...

"Bleak? Yeah, I know. It's why I want to make damned sure you don't get hurt. You... Are the only other reason for my existance." She was taken aback, but after a moment, she stood up and walked towards me, before enveloping me in a bear hug.

"Rebecca... Thank you."

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

We went through our list of supplies and assets, physical and monetary. During this, we both grabbed an MRE from the stack of them she'd brough in from the truck, and chowed down.

The basic question we were trying to answer, was rather simple.

"What are we going to do?"

Our options were as follows: Forget anything ever happened. Blackmail Umbrella. Fight Umbrella.

My answer?

"Easy. We fight."

She agreed, and we started to plan...

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**Notes and Quotes!**_

"The unforgivable crime is soft hitting. Do not hit at all if it can be avoided; but never hit softly."  
**-Theodore Roosevelt**

"And as much as I would love to stick around here and have my secrets picked apart by you, I have other business to attend to. So I bid you farewell for now… If you ever desperately need me to save your ass, feel free to run around circles with your arms flailing while calling out my name… I'll be sure to show up and save you." -Grey Jack, character in the Fanfic "Audacity," by Shadow of Cobra.

_Ewwww… little sister naked. Must. Bleach. Mind. On a side note I couldn't help but notice that she was developing adequately for her age. My eyes widened at this thought. I then faced the wall and smacked my head against it two or three times._

_"Cleanse your thoughts. Puppies, kittens, ducklings, C-4." That was better. I then thought to myself._ -This was just too funny to be ignored. Same fic as above, by the same Shadow of Cobra you all SHOULD know and love. He's a damn good writer, if I say so myself. And I do. So it muuust be true! Right? ...Right...?

_"I've already told you, I can't tell you about it otherwise it will automatically kill you… Think of it like a piano that hangs over your head, and as long as you don't look at it or try to understand why it's there it won't land on you… Unfortunately."_ Same as above. Great fic, and gave me an awesome euphemism.

**Oh Crap**

_"It's that moment of dawning comprehension I __**live**__ for."_

— **Hobbes**, Calvin and Hobbes.

**"Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing you're going to be an idiot in the future. Common sense is trying not to be an idiot NOW." - Webcomic **_**Questionable Content**_**, number 976 **_**Dora Dharma**_**.**

**Not many of you might know this, but I love webcomics. They're updated frequently, and are nearly always hilarious. **_**Questionable Content **_**is the funniest comic I've found recently, right up alongside **_**Exterminus Now. **_**I HIGHLY RECCOMMEND checking them out. **

**EN has at least 800 pages of hilariously violent animals in a fantasy/modern yet slightly futuristic enviornment. QC is set in the now, with a few changes, including AI's that are small, cute, affable and destructive robots. It follows the story of several mid-twenties college grads and college students, their relationships, their lives, and their dysfunctionalities. They are fucking hilarious! Go check it out! They currently have 2300 pages of 4-10 panel drama, hilarity, hijinks, and general awesome-sauce!**

"_So I've come to the conclusion that penises are like reusable batteries and need time to recharge before you stick them back into something." _-Funny line I found online. Mostly true, but some have more of a charge than others, some last longer on a single charge, some rechage quicker, some are big, some are small, but they've all got their uses.

**"Adam's Law: Under certain circumstances, a super-improbable event can be more likely to happen than not. Basically, the universe has a sense of humor." -A line from Questionable Content, page 1978; Triumphant Return. The character who says this line is Raven.**


	48. Chapter 47 Beginning of Rescuers Arc

**Waking Death**

The Rescuers

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid, suicidal motherfuckers. **_

#48 This is the first chapter of Rescuers, and there has been a six-year timeskip. I will elaborate on the events of those years during a flashback and conversation at another time. I'm sorry for skimping on End of Days, but I've got a timeframe to stick to. Also, I hated Code Veronica. So no Rockfort Island for Roy.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

The two men sat in the back seat of a rather cheap sedan. It was currently bumping along an old dirt trail that hadn't seen use in well over a decade at least. One of them was blonde, tall and wearing a leather jacket and cargo pants with a tight-fitted black shirt. He also had armored fingerless gloves, not to mention a holster tacked to his thigh. (If you don't know who this is, you need to go play Resident Evil 4)

The other man was close to the other in height, brunette, but far more bulked in muscle. He had a grown out buzzcut, barely within military standards, and was wearing sunglasses. His outfit was similar to his partner's, but his jacket was black, made of some sort of synthetic material, and nearly as long as a trench coat. He was obviously wearing a tactical vest under his coat, as it was unzipped. A holster was on his right thigh, with a drop-leg pouch for ammo on his left.

While they rode on in silence, one of the other two men sitting up front turned around and faced them, before saying in a heavily accented voice, "So... You two are a good ways from home, cowboys. What brings you here." The blonde man answered.

"You know why we're here. Our mission is to search for the President's missing daughter." The man who had asked, a middle-aged man with the beginnings of a beard, who was wearing a police outfit, cackled back, "All by yourselves? Hah hah!"

The blonde leaned forward. "I'm sure you guys didn't just tag along so we could sing kum-bai-yah together at some boy scout bonfire. Then again, maybe you did." The spaniard sitting in the passenger scoffed.

"It's a direct order from the chief himself... I tell you, it's no picnic." The other guy had remained speechless for the whole ride, except to say, "Why do I always get the short end of the stick...?" He was clean shaven, but looked to be only a few years younger than the other guy. Huh.

I turned my head. (I was the one sitting on the right in the back seat) "Huh. Guess we got a couple'a stooges to carry the girl when we find her. Twenty bucks says one of 'em throws their back within an hour." Leon, (The blonde) chuckled. "I'll take that and raise you ten." We both sat there, chuckling darkly.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_Flashback..._

_I had known exactly when Leon was going to be deployed to Spain to search for Ashley. And so, I called him up the day before he was going to get his briefing from the President and told him I had a few juicy details on the whole mess. He arranged for an agent to drop by and pick me up within three hours._

_After the hassle of getting there, I was inside the white house. Since my background was fake, I was relying on Leon's friendship to get past the stooges with my gun unmolested. I was looking around, trying to find Leon when something shiny caught my attention. _

_It was a guy who happened to be around 6'3, brawny, and bald as an egg. He was wearing a Navy BDU outfit, except I saw something odd. The patch on his arm was that of the SEALS. Wonder what he's here for... I guess I'll ask._

_I walked over to him, as he was just milling around looking bored. "Oy, baldilocks." That got his attention. He was practically seething when he turned towards me. _

_"What's a pup doing here in the white house? I thought all the salt-eaters were on active deployment." The guy, his nametag read Mclachlan, said, "Not a SEAL anymore. I got transferred here to join some special agency for the SS." The secret service? Ha ha, might as well have some fun._

_"The SS? Huh. If you're going to be working with the President, then you could've at least done something with your hair." I grinned. His eye twitched. I chuckled, then said, "Well, good luck. Say, you seen Leon around here?" He blinked. "Leon?"_

_"Yeah, the Ghost. Tall, about my height, blonde hair, fair skin, clear blue eyes, a bit gangly, got the body of a runner?" Mclachlan thought for a moment. "Yeah, I think I saw someone like that heading that-a-way." Just as he said that, Leon poked his head from around the corner that chrome-dome had just motioned to._

_I saw Leon, and waved him over. "There you are, Leon! I was starting to think you'd gone chasing after a bitch in a red dress again." I deadpanned. Leon half balked, but he caught himself. Baldy looked between us, from my grin to Leon's smirk. He was standing next to two buddies who've been through hell and back together._

_"So Leon, you see the new recruit here?" I gestured to Mclachlan, the bald guy. "New guy, huh? And a SEAL? You'll fit right in. Good luck on the interview. Hope you don't scream." Leon deadpanned this time, as he shook the guy's hand. Then we chuckled and left baldilocks standing there, wondering what he meant by scream._

_We walked a good ways, passing many-a-freaked out secret service members. "So Leon, how ya been? You still boning Red?" Leon hardly reacted, besides a twitch of his eye. "What makes you say that?" He asked, far too calmly to be normal._

_"Well, last time I found you two together, you were passed out on the couch and she was trying to revive you with mouth-to-cock resusitation." He blanched, completely broken discipline. "You were there!?" I nodded._

_"Yeah, I was visiting late with a few cold pizzas to celebrate you getting out of training long enough to visit. Man, she must've worked you good to have you passing out first. That, or there was alchohol involved." _

_Leon slumped. "Yeah, tequila was involved." I laughed, loud and hearty, which caught several glares as we passed some agents quietly discussing something amusing from a manilla folder. "What a girl!" Leon looked like he was dreaming for a moment. _

_"Yeah... She is..." _

_I deapanned. "I meant you." He scowled lightly for a moment. But when I crossed my eyes and did my best imitation of Irons' "You're fired!" in a decidedly high-pitched falsetto, we both started laughing, just like old times._

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_After a good ten minutes of trekking through the various old rooms and wading through endless black suits, we made it. _

_We arrived at the door to the oval office, before both guards said they needed us both to relinguish our weapons. Leon shrugged and said, "It's just a formality." _

_I still didn't like handing Sarah over to anyone. Especially not someone who's eyes gleamed darkly when he saw it. I unloaded and pocketed the ammo, then handed it to the guard. "That gun cost more than the President's retirement. I find a scratch on it, and I'll make you regret being born." The guard noted that, along with my glare and the knife on my holster. (Similar to Leon's. Except it was a model 512 browning bowie) _

_Before he could reach for it, I had it in my hand and the hilt tapping him right between the eyes. As he took it, I said, "Don't cut yourself." As I walked past him, and Leon past the other suited stooge, we walked into the President's office._

_Walking in, I noted the look of tension on his face. He looked ten years older than he did in his last commercial... _

_"Mister President..." The President stood, then turned and faced us. "Leon. And you, your name was Roy, was it?" I nodded. "What can you tell me? Anything would help at this point.." His voice was even, which showed how good of a politician he was. showing no fear, no pain... But he was hurting, and hurting bad._

_"Not as much as I'd like. But more than enough to be nothing short of a tactical nightmare." I said, and began my rehearsed reveal of some bits of information that I knew._

_"What I'm about to say must never leave this room, nor any of your minds." Both the President and Leon nodded. I continued. "You daughter has been kidnapped by a cult that resides in a rural part of Europe. They live in a small, spanish speaking area with a guesstimated population of around one hundred and fifty thousand at best. The cult's name is Los Illuminados." Neither of them reacted. Good._

_"From what I've managed to dig up, and drag out, I should say, the cult has some sort of megalowmaniacal world domination scheme. Pretty standard stuff, but what's scary is that they have the means to do so. Some sort of ancient parasite, known only as Las Plagas. S'about all I know about the cult. But, I do know something you'll both find shocking..." While their faces were blank, I saw slight movements in their eyes. A small clue, but it meant that their minds were turning._

_"The man who kidnapped your daughter, Mr. Graham. Was none other than Jack Krauser, a former agent and partner of Leon's. He faked his death some two years ago, and defected to what remains of Umbrella. I'm not entirely clear on his motive, but someone's paying him quite a lot." Now this got Leon's eyes to widen, beyond that he maintained his agent discipline. The President said nothing. _

_"Now, in exchange for the information and my services, there is something I want from you, mister President." His eyes narrowed, but he didn't show much beyond that and the tension in his voice. He was angry that I wanted to bargain with information that could help bring his daughter back, but he figured I knew something more, and he wanted to hear it. "Fine. What is it you want?" _

_I smiled. "There's a certain dead marine who was falsely charged, tried, and convicted by a series of corrupt officers and court officials. I want their heads, and I want his conviction overturned. Everyone involved with the trial of William Coen is to be brought before me; and the judge, attorney, and defense are to be executed for falsely sentencing a good marine to his death." This settled in, and the silence in the room deepened. _

_"You want me to kill several people because you believe they falsely charged someone?" He asked, slowly. _

_"No. You bring them to me, and I'll be the one to mete out punishment to the wicked. I happened to know William, and he was no murderer. His so-called comrades framed him, and the trial was a sham. All evidence of the actual event was destroyed. Everyone who watched knew he was innocent, but they did nothing. I want justice to be done, in the old-testament style." _

_The President nodded, very slowly. "I'll bring an investigation into the issue. If I find that your suspicions are correct, then I'll do as you ask." _

_I held up my hand. "One more thing..." He cut me off._

_"What else? Money? Power? Women? A seat on the Supreme Court? Just what do you want in exchange for finding my daughter?!" His voice rose steadily, but he managed to keep from shouting. He was a damned good politician._

_"No. I know a certain... friend, who happened to survive being pitted up against the same monsters myself and Leon here survived in Raccoon City. However, this friend was with me during the original mansion incident in July of '98. He's a former marine, and a damn good soldier. I'd trust him with my life, and he saved my ass a good few times during that horriffic night. I wanted you to hire him on as apart of the agency. His name's Billy." I slowly smiled, and the President's eyes widened slowly, as he figured out what I meant._

_"So you want to blackmail me into hiring a felon?" He asked, with a knowing smirk. _

_"Hey, hey, a soon-to-be former felon. But the blackmail bit's about right. I know one more key detail about the cult that's going to greatly help our cause." He sat back, knowing that I'd just wanted to make sure a friend could live his life without being on the run._

_"Alright. But I want to meet him before I hire him." I nodded. _

_"Of course. I'll make the arrangements once the mission in Spain is cleared. Now, the other important detail... The cult's leader is a man named Osman Saddler. He considers himself the shepard of his little flock. There's a line of castellan's involved with Los Illuminados, as well. Salazar, I believed the name was. Anyway, the Plaga acts like a parasite; but it controls its host, and changes them physically." Neither of them said anything._

_"Before I forget... In exchange for my friend's freedom, and justice for the corrupt, I've provided you with insight into the cult. Now, I do know this for certain; Your daughter is unharmed. They want her for something, so we just need to move quickly. The other thing I'm going to provide you with, is my own expertise and combat abilities." The President arched an eyebrow._

_"You mean you intended to go on this mission from the start?" _

_I grinned, and said, "Of course. I couldn't let the rookie here go out on his first suicide mission without someone to hold his hand and haul his ass outta the fire when he screws up. But I have bills to pay, mouths to feed, and debts that I must recompense. I fully expect your backing for equipment and our panic button. Also..."_

_I lifted my hand, fingers rubbing together. "I hope you can compensate me for going out and risking my neck, ya? Don't worry, you get a discount for being the leader of the free world. How's 5% off?" _

_He didn't seem amused by my antics. But he must've been used to them, what with Carlos being in the Agency. "That depends on your pricing." _

_I chuckled. "Well, normally a first-rate mercenary like myself sells for several million per job, depending on expenses and time required. But for this... Fifty grand flat. Full mission, garunteed your darling daughter back in one piece, or none of us back at all."_

_He didn't look surprised. But he was curious. "Only fifty thousand? You just said you normally charge millions. Why don't you try to get as much money as possible, considering the circumstances?" _

_I simply shrugged. "No reason to have my own country go bankrupt for a simple three-day mission. But yeah, I have someone waiting for me at home, and I promised her I'd take care of the bills if she did most of the cooking. Besides, it wouldn't be right to force you to embezzle money to save your own daughter. Plus, this is government work. I normally over-charge because they're having me do downright nasty things for their own ends."_

_I looked left, then right, then back at the President. "Between you and me, I can't stand being the hunky body guard for some rich snob. So I make sure that if they want moi, they're paying for it. I do too much charity work to have low rates for morons with big wallets and small brains." He sat back, and sighed. _

_"Alright, alright. You've made your point. Leon. What I'm about to ask of you is most certainly going to be a suicide mission. Will you still accept?" Leon had been silent up till now, I'd thought he had tuned out the entire conversation._

_"Of course, sir. If my own daughter was taken from me, I would go to the ends of the earth to find her." Leon's answer was the basic boy scout answer I was expecting. Anyway... Back to the point of this whole meeting._

_"Mister President, for a plan of action, I would reccommend we both are armed to the teeth when we go in. I don't know what we'll find, but against a cult that hired Krauser to kidnap one girl, going in with just our dicks in our hands is not an option." Leon tried to hide his smirk, having heard that expression before. Oddly enough, from Claire._

_The President simply sighed again. "Very well."_

_'Huh? No reaction? How the hell?! Is he around Carlos that much?!' Internally, my mind was freaking. There were very, very few people who've heard that saying without cracking a smile. Wesker and Enrico being the top two._

_END FLACHBACK_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

We finally crossed some old wodden bridge, and the guy pulled over. He put the car in park, and said, "Just up ahead is the village..." Leon replied. "I'll go out and have a look around." The spaniard in the passenger seat said, "We'll just stay and watch the car. Don't want to get any parking tickets."

Leon scoffed. "Right... Parking tickets..." The bald guy said quite ominously, "Mm, good luck."

Then Leon and I stepped out, with him saying, "Geeze... Who are these guys..." The driver lowered his window, and called out, "Did you say something?" Leon smirked, but shook his head.

We took two steps, then Ingrid called us. While they had their little conversation, I cut in when she told Leon to behave himself.

"Nah, we don't gotta worry about that. Leon here's the perfect boy scout. He's practically wearing a chastity belt." That got an annoyed look from him, and she remained silent. I finished my little routine with a bang.

"Hell, it doesn't matter if he wasn't. His girlfriend's got his balls hanging from a string around her neck anyway." Now that did it. Leon had a fierce blush, though from anger or embarassment I wasn't sure. Ingrid looked like she wanted to cut the audio, but she had a slight smirk anyway. Plus her cheeks were a dark pink color.

"Oh, well. Say, Heineken, Hunnigan, whatever your name was. Ya get a chance, tell Rebecca I'll be back in time for dinner on Sunday, and she's the main course. Have a good one." I cut the feed from my radio and turned back towards the house, listening all the while to Leon and her chatting.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"So that's... Roy, huh?" Leon nodded, feeling embarassed for her. "Yeah... He's like that. Don't worry, he's still one of the best soldiers I know. He far outstrips Krauser by leaps and bounds, from all that I've seen. He was a badass in '98, and by now he must have improved exponentially. Besides.. There's no one I trust more to make sure we make it back alive."

Ingrid was stunned by how much faith Leon had in that lout. He seemed like a moron, one of the brash recruits they pull out of special ops groups. He was for all intents and purposes, as bad or worse than Carlos. "You said you were with him in Raccoon City?"

"Yeah. He saved me more than once."

He began walking and talking, moving to catch up with me. "I still say he was trying to push me and Claire Redfield, one of the other survivors, together the whole time. He actively denies it, but we both told him he's full of shit." Ingrid smiled, genuine and warm.

"You'll have to tell me about it when you get back."

"Yeah, I guess I will. Talk to you later, Hunnigan. Leon out."

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Then we were on our own. We walked over to the house nearby. I checked that my rifle was good to go, then left it on my back.

(It was the same M4 carbine I had back when I was in STARS... Well, it was tricked out differently, of course. I had put an aimpoint M4CompS red done sight, along with a 3x magnifier and Twistmount. Think of the hybrid sights in MW3, but a red dot instead of a holographic. I had put an M203 40mm grenade launcher on it in case we ran into anything unsavory. I also had a Mossberg 500 with Houge Tamer pistol grip on my back as well, since I always needed a shotgun when the dead came back to play)

We walked up to the house, and I held the door open. "Ladies first." He scoffed quietly. "More like ladies' man first." I chuckled as he stepped inside, then followed suit.

I noticed several things wrong with this picture. One of them being that there was a putrid smell emanating from the room we were entering, another being that the villager, ganado, was obviously more than a little messed up.

Leon still walked over and did his thing, which was pissing off the locals with his emo haircut and woman stealing ways. After he cussed us out in the most foul of languages, I just said, "Yeah, yeah, old man. We'll get outta your hair." Leon was placing the photo in his pocket when the ganado picked up the hatchet.

Noticing that, Leon managed to duck and roll out of the way in time, then he drew his pistol. "Freeze. I said freeze!" He said, uselessly, as the guy stalked towards us. I did not have time for this shit.

While Leon was having a mexican standoff with the guy, I rushed forward. Grabbing the wrist of his weapon hand, I drove my fist into his stomache. When he doubled over, I twsted his arm until it dislocated, then grabbed the back of his neck and shoved him to the floor.

"_The fuck is your problem?!_" I asked him, in spanish.

"_Intruders must die! Lord Saddler decrees it!_" He replied back.

I looked up at Leon. "Yeah, he's got the plaga in 'im. He's as good as dead." Just then, we heard the sound of a vehicle screaming past. Leon dashed over to the window, and saw the truck careen into the sedan we'd come here in.

We heard the sound of impact, and then all Leon said, was, "...Shit!"

A moment later, he contacted our handler again. While he was doing that, I snapped the ganado's neck, then stood up. Once he was through, we went about the house looking for an alternate exit. And we found the crawlspace filled with skulls...

"... Well, hey. Some people collect stamps. That guy just so happened to collect human skulls. Nothin wrong with that, is there?" I deadpanned, trying not the breathe through my nose.

He looked at me with a smirk, then we went upstairs. He picked up the handgun ammo, then I said, "Hey, Leon. Race you to the ground. Loser carries Ashley the whole trip." He was about to smirk and say yes, when he noticed something.

Roy was standing next to a window. And he had this devious grin on his face. ...And it was all too late, since he had already opened his stupid mouth and said, "Sure,"

Roy wasted no time and jumped headfirst through the window, before rolling to a crouch outside. He called up, "Hah! You're carrying her fat ass, mister Ladies' Man! More like Ladies' Chump!" Roy cackled, as he ducked and dodged one of the ganado's swings. Leon had taken a step back, then had thrown himself out the window like Roy had. And nearly landed on the villager's pitchfork.

"Shit!" He said, as he tucked his body into a ball and rolled to the left, barely missing getting impaled. As he righted himself, Leon thought, 'That was way too close!'

While Leon was making a dork of himself, Roy was busy kicking ass. He dodged the skinny guy's sickle, and punched him in the face. While he reeled, clutching his broken nose, Roy gave him an almighty kick between the legs. It was super effective!

The skinny ganado dropped to the ground, holding his smashed genitals. Poor bastard. Roy them pulled his knife, and stabbed it into the back of the guy's head while he lay prostrate. Withdrawing it, he turned to the others. The big guy, who had a pitchfork, was busy trying to stab a retreating Leon, who had drawn his sidearm.

Roy simply unslung his rifle and fired two shots. Both ganados hit the ground before Leon even had time to aim. "C'mon, let's see if the two stooges are alright," Roy called, as he jogged over to where the bridge had been.

As they both knelt over the chasm, and saw both burning vehicles, Roy said, "Well, this is just fucking great. Once more, we're in the shit up to our balls with just our dicks in our hands. Tch, at least this time we know who's shooting at us." Roy stood up, turning away. "C'mon, Ace. Nothing we can do for 'em from up here."

Leon stood back up, wondering how Roy knew Claire's pet nickname for him. Well, that could wait for later, he decided. He pulled his M4 from off his back, and followed Roy's example. Keep moving forward. No matter what stands in your way.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

After Leon was up, I started moving, walking towards the path that would lead to the village. Inside the shack was an herb, when I handed to Leon. "For the next time you try to get yourself impaled."

He just flipped me off in favor of a reply. I smirked, before walking back along the path, ignoring the crows sitting the the signpost.

"Huh. Say, Leon. That sign look a little funny to you?" He stared at me for a solid minute, before saying in his smartassed-teenager voice,

"No, not at all. In fact we could use a few of those back in the states... They'd fit right in with the cannical community."

"...Nice one, smartass. Hm? Looks like someone's pet got stuck in a bear trap..." The sounds of a dog whining were annoying as hell. Boy Scout extraordinair, Leon jogged over to the trapped dog, kneeled down, and struggled to pull the trap open for the poor pooch. I just walked over and pulled one of the jaws, while he struggled to pull the other one.

After a moment, it was open and Barky limped out of it, before barking and running off into the woods.

"Huh... You ever wonder if karma is real, and good deeds make good things happen for you?"

I turned and gave Leon a melancholy expression.

"No. 'Cuz if it did, then I'd have a harem of three clones of Rebecca, cured cancer, and be the world's richest man by now for all the shit I've done just to help others. Besides, in this case, dogma applies more heavily than karma."

He snorted a short laugh, saying, "Man, you're all heart."

"No I'm not. I'm all cock. Dickheaded, remember? Whoa. Watch for explosives on the trees. Shitty tripwires, but that's a large stick'a dynamite." I pointed out the rather blatant bombs, and started moving around the right side of the tree, having noticed the bear traps.

"Guess that signpost was for- Shit, we got another one!" The ganado stalked forward, moving over the hill and into our line of sight.

"_Te voy a matar!" _

Leon looked at me. "What'd he say?"

"He said he's going to kill us." I looked at Leon with my horrified face. We both busted out laughing. I casually raised my rifle, aiming at the encroaching ganado. "In the name of Santa Maria... May you find peace in darkness."

**Bang!**

...And it was done, the ganado was no more. Leon gave me a funny look. "Santa Maria? Isn't she a christian saint?"

"Yeah. Fitting for spanish-speaking villagers, no? Anyway, let's get moving. I wanna get to the church before nightfall."

He shurgged, trailing along behind me.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

We moved onward, through the trail, until the stench of death assaulted our noses. I let Leon look inside the next shack, and heard him gag. When he came out and stared at me with pale features, I just snickered. "Guess they kill whoever they like, eh? Best make sure we don't join 'em. C'mon."

Well, we walked down the trail, rifles at the ready, as the next three ganados shouted profanities and started ambling towards us, farm tools in hand. Three gunshots later...

We were both extremely careful on the rickety bridge, since it looked handmade and really shitty in craftsmanship. Once we were halfway, the three stooges up high started shouting. I raised my rifle and popped a few rounds into each one, wanting no witnesses to go spouting off about our coming here. Not yet.

"Uh... We're not supposed to be shooting everyone we come across, Roy. Not a mission of genocide, remember?" He was used to my killaholic ways, since I pretty much slaughtered EVERYTHING we came across back in Raccoon. He also knew I wouldn't kill without reason, but he wasn't used to seeing unarmed or lightly armed people getting... Killed so callously.

"Yeah, yeah, smartass. Everyone who possesses a plaga is going to try to kill us. Well, almost everyone. I want to make sure we get out alive, and I'll do anything to ensure that. There's another one in the shack over there... I don't get it. You'd think gunshots would attract the attention of the locals."

He shrugged at the last part, and watched as I casually strolled into the shack, dodged the axe that came flying out, before pulling the villager out and smashing his head on the ground, followed by a curb stomp.

"Alright, now that that's done... Right-o. Let's get moving." I strolled over to the gate, while Leon made another smartass comment.

"...You sure you didn't want to come along on this trip just so you could kill people?"

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**However, there is a homage to an RE fic I read, (And am still waiting for it to be continued, damnit! It was damned funny to see Leon making fun of senator Davis) and it concerns the SEAL Mclachlan, or Baldilocks, Chrome-dome, or egghead. I just added him as a filler and for comic relief, and I do not own him nor did I create him. Just figured I'd throw that out there. He is a character from a fic called "Cast no Shadow" by Ada Adore. I highly reccommend reading her work! Even if it is unfinished... **_

_**And if you do not like certain... pairings, then bite me. I'm doing a bit where Leon is stuck choosing one or the other, and you know how Mr Boy Scout is. Wishy-washy, indecisive, not wanting to hurt anyone...**_

_**I swear, that guy's cause of death is gonna be blue-balls, I'm tellin ya! (The biggest choice, is around whose neck will his balls be strung?)**_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**Let it not be said that I am unfair... I gave a man a harem, and then granted him the stamina to survive having one... Three weeks later. Well, from now on, he knew better than to invoke my name begging for something. Something besides condoms, anyway.**_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

**I'm Sorry,**

**I'm sorry that I bought you roses to tell you that I like you**

**I'm sorry That I was raised with respect not to sleep with you when you were drunk**

**I'm sorry That my body's not ripped enough to "satisfy" your wants**

**I'm sorry that I open your car door, and pull out your chair like I was raised**

**I'm sorry That I'm not cute enough to be "your guy"**

**I'm sorry That I am actually nice; not a jerk**

**I'm sorry I don't have a huge bank account to buy you expensive things**

**I'm sorry I like to spend quality nights at home cuddling with you, instead of at a club**

**I'm sorry I would rather make love to you then just screw you like some random guy.**

**I'm sorry That I am always the one you need to talk to, but never good enough to date**

**I'm sorry That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car, but when we went out you went home with another guy**

**I'm sorry That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere, but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend**

**I'm sorry If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around**

**I'm sorry If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work**

**I'm sorry that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.**

**I'm sorry If you read this and know somebody like this but don't care**

**But most of all**

**I'm sorry For not being sorry anymore**

**I'm sorry That you can't accept me for who I am**

**I'm sorry I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good enough to make it in your world.**

**I'm sorry I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...**

**I'm sorry That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.**

**I'm sorry That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.**

**I'm Sorry That I cared**

**I'm sorry that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.**

**Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?" Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.**

___**For the two things right above this statement, DAMN STRAIGHT! This is your wake-up call! So open your fucking eyes and see what's right in front of 'em! Friends are there no matter what, thick and thin, through the mud, the blood and the tears. When you're in the shit, real friends aren't looking for a way out; true friends are the ones sitting there next to you sayin, "How the fuck did we get ourselves into this shit?"**_

_**Now for ALL OF YOU! Love isn't blind; It's fucking retarded! So think with your head, but FEEL with your heart. Go with what feels right. Ignore the masses and listen to your gut feeling, 'cuz at the end of the day, the only opinion that matters is your own. Fuck the world. It's my life, and I live it as I want.**_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**"The power to change the world, comes at a cost; your humanity." **_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**"... For the blood on my hands... That which can never be washed away.. I have forsaken it. I have no name. I am, as I always was. Call me... Blade." **_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**"I will keep moving on... Because for me to give up, to fail... Would mean that the lives of everyone who has died, has made the ultimate sacrifice, have died in vain! And I will never accept that! I will continue until I have achieved victory, or my corpse rots in the four corners of the world!"**_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**"Live on for the dead... But fight for the living."**_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**"Why do I fight for someone who doesn't give a damn whether I live or die? Well... Because I love her. And if it take my dying in her name for her to acknowledge that... Than so be it."**_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**"I swore! Over her grave I swore that I would have vengeance! And I'll be damned if I'm letting you walk out of here alive! For the river of blood you drowned my love in, I will GUT YOU ALIVE!"**_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**"Guess we're in the shit up to our balls again, huh? Least this time we know everyone's trying to shoot us."**_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**"Lost, in the hollow halls of my soul, I can no longer see through the shadows. Yet still, one foot in front of the other, I searched the darkness within my heart, and found my purpose. The sole reason I exist, is to protect those who made me feel alive. This, is my resolve... And I shall never yield." This... Is my creed.**_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**"Wait in the light, my friends... I shall join you shortly... As soon as I make sure it's damn crowded in hell when I get there... And.. I'm sorry. For everything..." -Last testament of one of the greatest fighters of her generation... And my dear friend.**_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_"A Blessing For The Living,  
A Flower Branch For the Dead,  
With The Sword Of Justice,  
A Punishment Of Death To Evildoers,  
And We Will Arrive At The Altar Of The Saints." -Roberta, from Black Lagoon_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**"Amen, hallelujah, penun butter." -Dutch, from Black Lagoon**_


	49. Chapter 48 Good Times Good Times

**Waking Death**

The Rescuers

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid suicidal motherfuckers. **_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

#48 And so it begins... Let the horror begin... Psyche. Haha, who'd be scared of a few peons with farm tools when you've got automatic weapons? Chainsaw? Pfft, fuck your leatherface, I gots a 12 guage! Anyway... Let's find out just how this timeline-fuckery goes.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

And so... We went through the gate, and entered the pueblo. (Village) The sounds of rural, amish everyday work could be heard, alongside farm animal noises. Followed by the occasional bout of spanish profanity, of course.

"Go soft. I don't think they know we're here yet..." I dropped to a crouch, rifle in hand, silently stalking forward along the path. Leon did the same, albeit far more elegantly. The guy's a ballet dancer, I swear... Or into gymnastics.

We moved up until we had eyes on the village, and everyone in it... Including the guy impaled on the burning stake. Poor bastard. I heard Leon's breath catch when he saw such a sight, people in old-timey clothes going about their tasks completely oblivious to the medieval execution.

"...Seems safe to say they're all ganados. Poor bastard... Leon, I got a head count of nine. You?" I turned my head, and saw him nod, jaw tight. Such a sight is nothing new to him, but it must still bother him seeing innocent people murdered.

"You got a plan, Ace? 'Cuz I'm thinking we just try and see if we can't sneak past 'em. No point in wasting ammo we might need later."

He thought on that for a moment... "That might be best. But if we're caught, they have the advantage of numbers and home territory. Starting a firefight will bring even more of them, too... Yeah, let's try to get past quietly." I nodded, turning back to the path forward...

I slung my rifle on my back, and pulled Sarah from my shoulder holster. Reaching under my left arm, I pulled a sound suppressor from a pouch attatched to the holster, and screwed it onto my SE2. After that I checked chamber, and pulled the hammer back, putting it in single-action. With a quick hand signal, we moved up and to the left, following the side path that lead behind the houses. We moved quickly but quietly, killers that left no trace... The Ghost, and Red Death themselves... The only person we were missing was Chris Redfield the one-man army.

Then again... With two silent death-dealers, we didn't need a human tank, now did we? Now behind the first building, some sort of mini-hay barn, there was a woman wearing a blue dress and white apron ahead of us, fiddling with something set on a large wooden crate. Her back was to us, but I held my hand up, signaling Leon to stay put. I raised my handgun, and waited...

...Roughly thre minutes later, a villager pushing a wheelbarrow came between the two buildings, getting closer and closer to seeing us... I waited. The very moment he was around the corner, when he looked up... He saw us, his eyes widened, and I pulled the trigger. A relatively quiet *PUHFL* was heard, no louder than an air gun. The ganado's head snapped back, and he dropped. The sound from his body impacting the ground caught the woman's attention, and my second bullet went in through her left temple. She, too, hit the ground, landing with a dull *Thump,* and nothing more.

I waited... A good fifteen seconds. When we heard no alarm being raised, we both set about the task of silently hiding the bodies from view... But much to our surprise, (Leon's, that is) the bodies were dissolving... As if whatever compound that held their molecules together dissipated, leaving nothing but a mess of carbon and various raw material. (In other words, they dissolved)

I looked at Leon... And whispered, "Well... This saves us having to hide the bodies. I vote we get the hell outta here. All in favor?" He nodded his head vigorously, thoroughly creeped out by the melting faux-zombies. To be perfectly honest... It kinda freaked me out, too. Plus they really stank... Ugh... Like rotten eggs on steroids... Mix that with my suped-up senses? Yeesh, threw up in my mouth a bit there.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

After making sure none of the other farmer/murderers didn't hear us, we crept forward, behind the large, two-story house. I peeked around the corner, taking note of the ganados' locations. One forking hay on a cart... One meandering back and forth... Another hauling buckets of water... Two more around the bend... And roughly three others here and there. Too many to take down quietly...

...So do we do a runner, or try to creep by them... Ah, decision, decisions... Unfortunately...

"_Ahi esta!" _...Fuck! This one was made for us.

"Go loud!" I came around the corner fully, firing my SE2 into the nearest villager, one who was pacing back and forth, until my bullet got real intimate with his brain. Flicking my aim to the right, my next target was lumbering toward me, arms outstretched... *Puhfl!* And his head snapped back, just as I dashed forward and spun on my heel, driving my boot behind me, mule-kicking him backward and into two of his cronies.

"Leon! Pull back!" I started backing up, firing on the fallen ganados.

'Six... Seven... Eight... Niner... Four shots left.' I turned, sprinting to catch up with Leon, who was currently dodging a women who had a kitchen knife. I raised my gun and shot her knee, dropping her to the ground. He finished her off with a shot between the eyes.

"Thanks! How many?"

"Enough to be a pain in the ass! Shit... Out in front! We'll have a better chance of not being penned in." We both moved away from the houses, moving back towards the back path, before moving towards the main area, now chock full of murderous villagers. I raised Sarah, taking the chance to put down three more enemies before I reloaded, holstering my pistol and bringing my rifle to bear.

"Damnit! Roy, we got more behind us!"

I turned my head, glancing to where we'd entered from. There were five more ganados, each wielding pitchforks, axes, or sickels.

"Fuck! To the two-story house! We'll pick 'em off from there!" We made a mad dash forward, ducking the mass of flailing tools and arms. Leon made it to the door first, and once I cleared the threshold, he slammed the door shut behind me, nearly getting his hand shishkabobed by the pitchfork that pierced the thick wood.

I slammed my palm against the door, keeping it shut while Leon hopped over the dresser, bracing himself against it. He finished shoving the thing in front of the door, before going to look out the window. I heard a chainsaw being revved up, while blondie made note of the ganados' actions.

"..They're planning... shit, chainsaw. Great." He holstered his pistol, bringing his M4 to his shoulder. I instead switched to my shotgun, checking the chamber. Then the sound of glass breaking from upstairs assaulted our ears, and we knew we were completely pincered.

"You take the top. I'll hold this floor. Don't do anything stupid, Rookie." He nodded, a wry smirk etched onto his handsome features.

"Try not to get yourself killed, old man." We both chuckled at this despite the situation, an old running joke between the two of us since Raccoon. Here I am, a year younger than him, yet I was the veteran, and he was the rookie. Unfortunately for him, the nickname stuck, no matter how much experience he gained in the field. Myself and both Redfields were determined to call him the rookie until the day he died. Then we'll just carve "Rookie" into his tombstone, if any of us are still alive.

He clapped my shoulder before dashing up the stairs. I rechecked my gun, then moved over, shoving the bookcase in front of the window, blocking the thin ganado from gaining entry. Until now, I had ignored the sound of an engine running, but when I heard wood being splintered... I turned, and raised my shotgun.

The chainsaw massacre copycat was sawing through the door, dresser be damned. I casually walked over to where it was, standing against the wall opposite the door, before raising my weapon and waiting...

...Oddly enough, a moment later, I heard someone outside screaming, followed by a loud *Thunk* ...I think Leon just shoved the ladder off the window. Heheh.

Giggling to myself, Dr. Salvador finally finished cutting through the door, just as I shouted, "Learn to knock asshole!" And I pulled the trigger, 12 guage buckshot flying through the air and bitch-slapping the Doc's bag-covered face. Since, for some reason, the burlap sack gave him ungodly vitality, he didn't die, but his head snapped back and he stumbled backward, his chainsaw haphazardly flailing backward... Cutting right into one of the villagers, keeping him from through his axe at me.

Racking my gun, grinning like a crazy bastard, stepping forward, I fired again and again, taking heads off left and right, not to mention knocking the 'good doctor' on his back, before I stepped on his chest, jamming my gun again his face.

"Have a lead aspirin, jackass!" ...And I jerked the trigger, putting a second round into his skull. As his head went *Splat!* alllll over the ground (and me.. ugh...) I noted something odd... I'd heard Leon's rifle going off consistently, but suddenly... I heard handgun shots. 9-mil, probably... Now who could that be?

Giving a cursory glance past the homicidal locals, I noticed a flash of red going around a corner...

While I was dodging farm tools and returning them to their owners, (By catching their wrists or the flying items, and reinserting them into the villagers' skulls. Painfully) I thought on that that red meant... 'So Ada's here already... How can I turn this to my advantage...'

I dully noted that Leon was doing alright, as a ganado came flying out of the second-story window before crashing to the ground, knocking over a few of his friends. Nice... Like bowling with bastards.

I nonchalantly dodged a ganado rushing me with an axe, tripping him as I sidestepped. His face collided with the doorjam. 'Too easy... Compared to the mansion, this is a cakewalk. Wonder if it's because the plagas can't stand sunlight...?'

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

We both fought on for another seven minutes, until the sound of the church bells drew the ganados' attention...

After they all filed into the crest door like good little murderous sunday-schoolers, Leon and I both looked at each other, before making smartass comments.

"Where's everyone going? Bingo?" Ever the deadpan snarker, Leon was.

"Huh... Must be a twoferone deal at the farmer's market..." We both chuckled at that. He pulled up his radio, contacting our handler.

"Hunnigan, I've got bad news. I've confirmed the body of an officer... Something's happened to the people here." I cut in right about here.

"Yeah, they're all murderous, devout *Cough, catholic, cough* sunday-schoolchildren. Sorry about that. The stench of burning flesh isn't good for my lungs. Anyway, fits the bill for your run-of-the-mill cult, right? See what you can dig up about Los Illuminados."

(Hahaha! No offense to actual, regular, normal catholics, but hey... Before you flip out on me, go read a history book. Specifically the Salem Witch Trials. Or the medieval ages, where priests would set suspected heathens on fire at the stake. Or torture people to get them to confess to sins they hadn't committed.

So yes, in my opinion, christianity sucks. They can't take the moral high ground against muslims right now, since only one or two hundred years back, they were the ones killing people left and right just as the muslim terrorists are doing now. Give it another two or three centuries, and it'll be the jewish people going around killin folks for their religion. Just you watch and see. History has a way of repeating itself... Humans never learn)

"_Los Illuminados? Hmm... That might be difficult. They're more secretive than the Freemasons._" Hey eye was twitching slightly. I get the feeling she was pissed off about something...

"Lovely... Well, do what you can, Hun, and we'll improvise the rest." She remained silent for a moment, a slight scowl darkening her features.

"... Don't mind him, Hunnigan. It's not worth it to get angry."

"_... Fair enough. Just try to keep him off the radio before I do something I shouldn't. You should see a tower nearby. Follow the trail near it._"

"Heh, copy that, Hunnigan. We're moving out." He replaced his radio in his jacket, before giving me an odd look.

"Murderous catholic schoolchildren?"

I gave him my patented Madman Blank Stare. "Yeah, you never see Children of the Corn?" He cracked, snorted and busted out laughing.

"That's just wrong, man. I happen to be catholic."

"Yeah, yeah, everyone's favorite Irish catholic secret agent. We get it already. 'Sides, I never seen you in a church before." (Tribute to Tani2 for that. I hope, nay, pray you return to us one day, with your beautiful and ungodly addictive stories)

"That's because you never go within ten miles of _any_ church. Something to do with Rebecca, perhaps?" He smirked as we walked the path, feeling like he'd just sunk my battleship. Smug little fucker.

"...Hey, we're not supposed to joke about that. Not while either of us is still breathing. Guy code, remember? You never go near any churches while Claire or Chris are around, ne? Wait. Back in Raccoon you said..."

"...Yeah, I know what I said. It seemed to fit the moment." We paused at the gate, thinking on that.

"...Well, I s'pose there ain't much else you can say when the girl you try to take a bullet for, goes and punches you in the nads to get away; only for both of you to get shot less than ten seconds later."

He cringes at that, shifting uncomfortably. "I still think that was an accident."

"...Dude, she aimed. I saw her stare at your groin for a good ten seconds before she punched you. Least you didn't have a girl pass out drunk and headbutt your nuts before throwing up on your crotch." (Hahahaha! Go read Questionable Content to understand that)

He shuddered. "Just how did THAT happen? You told me Rebecca doesn't drink."

I pushed the gate open as I answered. "...That's precisely how it happened. A couple weeks after the mansion incident, she had a real nasty nightmare when I wasn't home. She proceded to get a drink to steady her nerves, but one turned into one too many. I found her stumbling around half-naked when I got back. I sat her down on the couch and the rest is history..." He blinked.

"Damn... Well, that must've been fun to talk about in the morning."

I smirked, stepping through the gate and sweeping my aim left, searching for targets, chuckling the entire time. "Believe me, it was hilarious."

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_Flashback no jutsu! Wait, what?_

_I was just walking in the door, having come back home from a rather taxing day of smuggling RPD firearms into a private anti-Umbrella weapons cache, along with faking a bit of paperwork and generally pissing off Irons, I smelled something a bit off-color._

_Alchohol. Bacardi, my favorite brand of rum. I smelled Rebecca too, but that was nothing unusual. Her sweat, and... If I had to give it a name, the scent of fear. The sharp tang of something that knows a predator is near... _

_It's hard to describe. This is more of a primal instinct working in conjuction with my now ultra-sensitive senses. I didn't like it... Not one bit. _

_I stepped inside, drawing Sarah out of sheer reflex. I silently shut the door behind me and locked it, moving forward and carefully glancing around the corner..._

_...Da fuck? Rebecca was walking from the kitchen into the living area, stumbling more like, a tumbler in one hand, and..._

_"Rebecca... You alright?" She jumped slightly, instantly relaxing when she saw me. I holstered my handgun, my next question more of a statement. _

_"You drank more than half that bottle by yourself?"_

_"Yea.. I was... Umm..." I was at her side in an instant, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and plucking the bottle from her grasp with the other. _

_"Holy... You know how potent this stuff is, right? C'mon, you need to sit down before you fall..." I was trying to calculate just how much alchohol she'd consumed, and whether or not I should contact poison control. _

_After maneuvering her onto the couch, I reached for the glass in her hand, but as I did so..._

_She downed the whole thing, then handed me the glass. Oh, shit..._

_"Rebecca!... Ah, fuckit." I got up and took the bottle into the kitchen, placing it in the uppermost cabinet. After, I filled a glass with water and went back into the living room. _

_I placed the glass on the coffee table, before wrapping my arm around the small-framed girl. "Whatsa matter, Becs?" She sniffed._

_"I dun wanna talk 'bout it..." I carefully nuzzled her neck, kissed her cheek, before whispering into her ear._

_"Don't give me that... You've never gone and drank that much before... What's bothering you...?" _

_She sniffed again, looking like a guilty child. "It's stupid... Can we jus make luv and forget 'bout it...? Please...?" _

_Damnit... Down, boner. She's drunk. I cannot.. Will not screw her brains out when she doesn't have 'em in the first place. _

_"No, Becs... You're drunk. I won't take advantage of you... And it's not stupid if it's enough to force you into a bottle. C'mon.. I won't stop bugging you until you tell me..." She gave a small sigh, nearly inaudible._

_"I had a nighmare..." (Yes, there's no T. That's because she's drunk. I know how to spell, assholes. I tend to make a slight mistake spelling 'form' instead of 'from' as well)_

_"A nightmare? What was it about, baby?" _

_"I-I can't rememer..." I frowned._

_"Don't lie, Becs... I wanna help you... But I can't if I don't know what's wrong..." _

_*Sniff* "It was.. __that you left me...__" _

_Normally, I'd make her say that a bit louder, so's I could hear it... But she must've forgotten my sensitive ears. _

_"C'mon Rebecca.. You know I won't leave you unless you ask. I gave you my word.. And I'll keep it until the day I die. I promise you that." She sniffed again, and.. I then took notice of the big, wet crocodile tears in her eyes. Ahhhhh fuuuck. _

_"Y-you promise...?" Such a cute espression... Those big, wide eyes.. Those sweet, luscious, succulent lips..._

_"Yes.. I promise. Now and forever."_

_Those tears started streaming, and damn was it pouring. She cried her eyes out, and I pulled her against me, letting her tears soak my shoulder._

_"Shh, shh... It's alright, Becky. I'm here for you..." _

_...And she continued to cry, to the point where it was no longer endearing, and more like... Well, it made me sardonic. So I thought and I thought and I thunk up an idea._

_I began... to sing. A sweet song I remember, and one of the few I can actually... Er, sing. Like, remember the lyrics to. _

_"Running for her life  
The dark rain from her, eyes still falls  
Breathtaking butterfly  
Chose a dark day to live_

Run away, run away...  
Save one breath for me...

A Loner longing for,  
The cadence of her last breath...

Why do I miss someone  
I never met, with bated breath I lay  
Seawinds brought her to me  
A butterfly, mere one-day miracle of life  
And all the poetry, in the world  
Finally makes sense to me

Save one breath for me...  
Run away, run away...  
A Loner longing for,

The cadence of her last breath!  
Run away, run away...  
Put to rest all that's not life...  
Drink for beauty and fill my blank page!

Sometimes a dream turns into a dream...

A Loner longing for, the cadence of her last breath!...  
Run away, run away...  
A Loner longing for the cadence of her last breath..."  
**(I do not own this song! The title is "Cadence of Her Last Breath," by Nightwish. I reccommend the band, as their music is great. Though a bit dark, and orchestra-seeming, especially for metal. Also, the lead singer is a girl. Very rare, but boy can she sing)**

_...By the end, she was sound asleep, leaning against my shoulder, all cried out. Damn... She was so cute... _

_She shifted a bit in her sleep, trying to get comfortable, searching for warmth..._

_...In doing so, she slipped, and her head cascaded from using my shoulder as a pillow, to whacking my crotch like a sledgehammer._

_"Gul-hauh... Gaaaaah... ...Ow" And, as I sat there, stunned, in incredible pain, she then..._

_"Bul.. Huaaalghf...Aughl.." _

_"..." _

_'She just... Passed out... Headbutted me in the nuts... Then threw up all over my crotch. If there's a god... He has a fucked up sense of humor. Ow.'_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_"Augh... Ow... My head..." Rebecca sat up, rubbing her sore noggin._

_"Oof... Feels like someone used my head as a gong..." I turned, feeling for the nightstand to balance myself, standing up._

_"Whoa... Aww... Ow... " Eyes bleary, I stumbled forward, towards the door. Thank god it was already open, or I'd've been standing there for ten minutes trying to figure out how to open it..._

_I squinted against the bring light, as my head was pounding as if someone had taken a jackhammer to it. I could barely make out a figure sitting on the couch..._

_"Hey, Rebecca." Ah. So that was Roy..._

_"Roy.. What happened...? How much did I drink...?" As I got closer, I noticed something... He had an ice pack sitting on his crotch. Why did he...?_

_He snorted. "Too fucking much. You cried all over me, passed out, then headbutted my nuts. After that you threw up on my already-abused junk. Thanks for that." _

_I cringed. I headbutted him there...? Owch... that explains something. _

_"Sorry... I was..." He sighed._

_"Forget it. Not angry, just sore. Nightmares?" I nodded._

_"It was... Bad. I went to get a drink and... I wanted to forget about it."_

_"Hmph. Well, don't drink yourself into a bottle, alright? Alchohol won't solve any problems, just create more." _

_"I know... I wasn't thinking."_

_He leaned forward, beckoning me over. I made my way, sitting next to him. He procured a glass of water and an alcaseltzer already fizzing in it..._

_"Thanks..." I wasn't sure where he pulled that from. I didn't see it on the table when I walked in. He indicated two tylenol on the table, which I downed with the water. _

_He waited for me to finish before he spoke. "What was it about?" I felt his arm snake its way around my shoulders, bringing warmth to my chilled skin. _

_"I... Don't wanna talk about it..." I remembered bits and pieces of it..._

_Of.. Roy... Turning into a monster... Saying he never loved me.. That he only used me... Before eating me alive. Grinning the entire time... And his eyes... They were bright blood red._

_For some reason... Those eyes struck something deep within my heart... A nameless fear, that I need to get away from him, as far as possible... Because he's not human. And he'll kill me..._

_"...If you say so. Hey. If this happens again, you tell me the whole thing, alright? I don't want to see you hurting... Especially not when you do it to yourself." I tried to swallow, but my throat felt dry... I reached for the glass, and found it empty._

_I was about to stand when he moved, pulling me against his chest, looking directly into my eyes... As if he was peering into my very soul..._

_"Rebecca. Please. Promise me." I tried my hardest not to look into his eyes, those piercing turqoise gems... That were tinted with crimson. But I couldn't avoid his gaze for long... Especially when I was smooshed against his rock-hard, toned, chiseled- _

_Down, girl. Bad libido. Bad. Don't think about his big, sexy body when your head is damn-near exploding... No matter how good it would feel if he just happened to- _

_Stop! Gahh..._

_"Rebecca..." Oh. Whoops. I was off in my own little world again... Gotta stop talking to myself like that. It's not healthy._

_"Okay... Could you let me up now...?" His features softened. _

_"Alright... But one thing first." _

_He leaned down, bringing his lips to mine..._

_My world lit up, headache forgotten, my heart pounding. I kissed him back, wrapping my trembling arms around his neck as his tongue did things that made my inner nympho do a jig._

_Just then..._

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~ **__**  
(Hah! No lemon for ya this time, ya horny bastards! Maaaaaybe next time... Muahaha.)**_

_End Flashback! ...The fuck's a jutsu?_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"...Yeah, it was pretty damn good..."

"...Roy. Hey. Lunkhead. Stop reminiscing about sex with Rebecca. We've got a job to do before you can go get your rocks off." I gave him a look.

"What makes you think I was fantasising about Rebecca?" He gave me a deadpan stare.

"Are you serious? Any time you think about her you get this dumb grin plastered to your face and you stare off into space... Whenever you do it for more than five seconds, you make some smartass innuendo when you come back to reality."

"Huh... So I'm like JD, except I actually get girls... Ones who aren't completely insane or backstabbing blonde bitches. Sweet."

He gave me another look. "Huh...? What're you talking about? Scrubs?" (I don't own it)

"Yeah. You're my Turk, 'cept I outta call you dork-bear or emo-bear or something. Heads up. We got contacts..."

"Don't we always..."

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**BAM! There is the end of chapter 48. Sorry it doesn't have as much on the story, but there's a good bit of drama/character development in the works... Now I just have to get offa my ass and work on it. The new fanfic I am working on... Is for Avatar! Last Airbender! (I don't own it) **_

_**I'll try to have the first chap of that up soon enough, and the next for Living Weapon will be up soon enough. By the end of next week... I hope. Cover down and carry on!**_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"Note to self: find Murphy and kill him." -Ron the True Fan. A great writer, if a tad unorthadox. This is one of the best lines I've found on Fanfiction, besides the one about Wesker, Barry, and a sandwich.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_  
"Get me out of this fucking box! I'm not dead!"

-Classic response to the question of, "What do you think _ would say if he/she was still alive?"

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"Remember kids, a wise man knows when it's time to... RUN LIKE A LITTLE BITCH!" -Desert Punk. (I don't own it)

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"There's a special rung in hell reserved for people who waste good scotch." - Lt. Archie Hickox

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Actually - a pistol is either reliable or not. Its a Pass or Fail catagory. If it's inbetween - its a Fail. Period.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

**Guns don't kill innocent people. People kill innocent people.**

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_Be mentally deliberate but muscularly fast. Aim for just above the belt buckle_ **Wyatt Earp**

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_If you have to shoot a man, shoot him in the guts, it may not kill him... sometimes they die slow, but it'll paralyze his brain and arm and the fight is all but over._ -**Wild Bill Hickok**

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_"It is error alone that needs government support; truth can stand by itself." Tom Jefferson_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_Remember: When you attempt to rationalize two inconsistent positions, you risk drowning as your own sewage backs up._

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"Killers who are not deterred by laws against murder, are not going to be deterred by laws against guns." - Robert A. Levy. This guy has it right.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or your arms. Crouch down and lick the hand which feeds you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countryman."  
-Samuel Adams, 1772

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"This is another one of those "yay capitalism!" threads. It's interesting how that whole "First Ammendment" thing doesn't really exist in a business market." -Cyrano. _Awesomely true. Wow... Us kids on the internet know world politics/psychology better than the general public._

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"Damn. I hate America's censorship. It has a too false moral value.  
What kills isnt the stupid politicans that have nothing else to do: its the dumb people that support them." -Hierophant. _Now this, I agree with... But I'd still hang the politicians too, just to be sure. Can't be too careful._

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~  
**_  
"Belgium is known for two things, chocolate and pedophiles. And they only invented the chocolate to get at the kids."  
- Karis Fra Mauro

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"All you need is love, all you want is sex, all you have is porn" - _some scribbling I saw in a public bathroom_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"There is no greater sorrow than to recall happiness in times of misery."

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"The muzzle end of a .45 pretty much says 'go away' in any language" - Clint Smith

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**It's the Soldier, not the reporter  
Who has given us the freedom of the press.  
It's the Soldier, not the poet,  
Who has given us the freedom of speech.  
It's the Soldier, not the politicians  
That ensures our right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.**_

Semper Fidelis, my brothers. Oorah.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"Because no honest man should be limited to ten rounds. Sorry Bill. I like your revolvers but I hope you rot in hell."-Yossarian

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"There's two ways to change the way a guy feels about you. You can catch him on fire or you can slap him. So that's what I did."  
- Marcus Luttrell


	50. Chapter 49 Pranks All Around

**Waking Death**

The Rescuers

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid suicidal motherfuckers. **_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

#49 Hoorah, motherfucker! Time to get this thing rollin! So let's rock!

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

We spent roughly ten minutes clearing the farm. I snatched up the pearl necklace, just in case we needed something to trade with the merchant... I ignored the medallions, since we both had enough guns as is.

We we just now walking through the gate that lead down the boulder path...

..."Say, Leon. When it comes to fantasizing, I'm still not as bad as you. And I can prove it."

"Really? Yeah, right."

I grinned, placing a hand in my pocket while he shut the gate. I grasped my secret weapon...

"Try me. Twenty bucks." He rolled his eyes, shaking his head with a smirk.

"Okay, fifty, then, smartass." His eye twitched. He thought to himself, 'An idiot and his money...'

"Alright. Prove it, then." His smug smirk was still in place... So I whipped out my secret weapon... A picture of Claire bare-assed naked, laid out in an _Extremely _provacative position. A rather... Compromising one, with this coy little smile that just screamed, '_I'm naaauuughty_...'

...But of course, Leon's jaw dropped, and he looked like he'd just short-circuited. I stood there, waiting... for a good ten seconds. Before he blinked, and snatched the picture from my fingers, a growl on his lips.

"How did you-?! When did you-?! Gahh! Why do you have this?!" I smirked, my smugness ratio going over nine thousand!

"...Heheheh. I'm not as bad as you are. Least I don't drool..." He reached up, wiped off his mouth, then placed his hand on his sidearm. All in under a second.

"Tell me!" The turmoil in his eyes was amusing... But I figured I had another ten seconds of gloating before he shot me out of frustration.

"You really wanna know?" His eye twitched.

"I mean, do you reeeaaally wanna know how I got that...?" Again, his eye twitched. Convulsed, more like.

"Yes... Now tell me or I will kick your ass." He grit out, the muscles in his neck tight. Man... He was a real sucker.

"Check the back of the photo, numbnuts." He blinked. Then flipped the picture, chancing a glance at it... When he read what was on the back, his expression changed from anger and agony, to that of sardonic irritation.

"Roy... You are despicable." I grinned, nodding.

"Of course... But you owe me fifty bucks, so I don't care."

His eyes bugged out, eyebrows furrowed, and he opened his mouth to protest...

...Then he shut it smartly, blinking. His mind processing what just happened...

...Before he smacked his forehead and groaned.

"...I'm going to be broke by the time this mission is over, huh?" I only nodded in return, already calculating how much I should have by the time we get back to the states...

...A helluva lot more than fifty grand, I'll tell you that. Heheh. Unlucky bastard.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Anyways... After that little incident, oh, wait... You all want to know what was written on that photo, hmm? And how I acquired it? Oh, alright...

...

...Psyche! Nah, I won't tell you. You all can deal with not knowing... Mwaha.

Anywho, we started walking down the path, but I threw my arm in front of Leon, coming to a stop. And said, "Hey... Haven't we seen that signpost before...?"

He turned his head, looking at the post with the skulls hanging from it...

"Yeah... You don't really forget seeing one of those. You thinking what I'm thinking?" I nodded, and we started backing up. When we were within arms length of the gate, I whistled.

"Well... I guess Rebecca wasn't kidding when she called you a poor man's Indiana Jones." (I don't own it!) He looked up, following my gaze... And gulped.

"Eesh, good thing we noticed... Huh. Now that I think about it..." I continued his sentence.

"...The path looks like it was made for that thing. Yeah, real obvious now that we're looking for it. So... you feel like getting in a bit of exercise?" I turned and looked at him.

He gave me a look. You know, _the look. _The one that... Oh, you know what I'm talking about. It screams, 'Did you really just ask me that?'

Anyway... "..No, I think I'll pass. Any bright ideas?"

I nodded, grinning. "One." Turning, I raised my rifle, bringing it to my shoulder. I brought my right hand forward, grasping the magazines, my finger curling around my second trigger...

My thumb found and caressed the safety, foreplay done. Time to bang.

Oh, and bang it did. *KA-THUMPK!* ...Shortly followed by a rather loud, *KA-BOOM!*

This was then followed by the sound of falling rock, as the pieces of the boulder crashed down the path, littering the wooden pathway. I turned back to my partner...

...And he promptly gibsmacked me. "I said bright ideas, but I didn't mean that as in a fireworks display."

Shrugging, I responded, "What, least we won't be hauling ass from a boulder, right?" He facepalmed, shaking his head.

'I_'m screwed, aren't I...?' _

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Well, after we went down the path, I collected the two spinels from the tunnel ceiling, before we came out the other side...

"Hm? Leon, what's he got in his hand?" Leon squinted, leaning slightly forward...

"Dunno... Wait. That's-!" He didn't get to finish, as we both saw the ganado light the stick of dynamite, and start running. _Straight at us!_

"Motherfuck! Move!" I riased my rifle, intent on eliminating the bastard before he could get too close. Leon already turned, running the in opposite direction, right back into the tunnel.

I exhaled, lined up my sight... And tugged the trigger, comforted by the recoil. My bullet exited, and collided with the spaniard's shin, toppling him.

The ganado hit the ground hard, roughly twenty-five feet from me. I adjusted my aim, and put a second round into his skull, before turning and hauling ass backward, intent on getting away from the-

*POW!*

...

...Huh? Ugh... Ow. Another explosion. And my ears are ringing... Hurts like fuck. Ow. Leon was saying something... His mouth was moving, but I couldn't hear anything. He started gesturing... Behind...

Fuck!

I spun around, headache be damned. I saw what he meant. Another ganado, this one holding a lit bang-stick. He was already rearing back, about to... He threw the stick, and once again, as it always does...

...Time seemed to slow, my temples throbbed...

...And I felt my heart start back up. It hurt... Like someone had torn my chest open, and was crushing my heart in a vise. But it felt _good._ It's hard to explain... but that's what it was like. My heart started beating again, and it pounded within my breast.

The dynamite seemed to be floating in midair, barely moving. I raised my rifle, lined up my sights...

...Bang.

My M4 went off, and the stick of bang-sauce exploded in midair, maybe three feet from the ganado's head. He was completely obliterated, nothing left of him. The grass all around where he'd been standing was burnt, and my ears were still ringing.

I felt Leon pounding on my shoulder, trying to say something. I turned my head towards him, trying to read his lips.

_Tha... ...s...ck...you...oo...so..._

I tilted my head, and said, "Huh? What'd you say? I can't hear you, Leon."

...Then again, he couldn't hear any better than I could.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Five minutes later... Well, I could hear, but there was still an annoying ringing sound in the background of everything. Fucking annoying...

"Leon, you alright?"

"Yeah, ears are ringing like I've got a gong in 'em. You?"

" 'Bout the same. Hey, I'll clear the house on the right, you take that one down yonder."

"Roger that." He was about to go to the left, when I grabbed his shoulder, and steered him over to the right of the right-side house. I just shushed him when he went to question me.

...After he started down the hill and past the tree, I placed my back to the wall of the house, right next to the window. I turned, bringing my rifle to bear, and shot the ganado before he could light the dynamite in his hand. I vaulted onver the windowsill, moving inside, already turned to the right. The two spaniards in the other room were walking towards me, moaning something in spanish. I shot both of them right between the eyes.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

It took roughly three minutes for the bodies to completely dissipate, and I waited in the room where the axe-wielding one hid, staying in the blind spot of anyone who walked into the room.

...And so I sat there, waiting... Waiting...

...Fucking waiting. Fuck.

Well, my waiting was rewarded roughly two minutes later. I saw the big cheese, chief Mendez, walking into the other house flanked by two mooks. I sat and waiting another forty seconds...

...I heard her. A woman in high heels, who walked into the room, completely oblivious to my presence. I brought my knife up, underhand, and snuck up behind her...

...And waited, while she watched as the chief and his cronies carried Leon and Luis' asses out of the other house.

Her breath caught, and she whispered to herself... "Leon..."

I then brought my knife up and around, holding it to her throat from behind. She didn't even notice. Not until I made myself known. I placed my left hand on her right shoulder, keeping her from moving.

"Well... It seems our old friend Leon has gotten himself caught already." Can you guess whose voice I was impersonating? Mwaha. Mwahahahaha...

"Krauser..." She was already tense, her back ramrob straight.

"Hmph. You're supposed to be one of Wesker's best agents... And I could catch you off-guard this easy? Seems he'll go and hire just about anyone these days..."

"What do you want, Krauser? And would you mind removing your knife while you're at it?" Her nonchalant attitude would piss me off... Or it would, if I couldn't see the sweat coating the back of her neck. She was scared shitless, but her training wouldn't let her show it.

" Nothing, really. Just wanted to see how far Leon would get on his own. Last time I saw him, he was nearly killed by a butterfly. And yes, I do mind."

Her body language didn't reveal anything specific, but... Something was off.

"Really? You know him from before?" Hm... Right, she wasn't aware of Leon and Jack's past. Right-o.

"We worked together once. Nothing of any consequence... So, are you going to go save your boyfriend?"

"What's it matter to you?" Her tone changed, just ever-so-slightly. Colder... Hm.

"Nothing at all, ice queen. Try not to get yourself killed." I promptly pulled my knife away from her, turning and walking out of the room quickly, making sure she never actually saw me. Once out of the room, I went to the right, sheathed my knife, reached up, grabbed the windowsill, and pulled myself up and out, headfirst. I pushed off from the wall, and rolled to a stop outside, before taking off in the direction of the tunnel.

'Heheh. She's still infatuated with Leon... Too bad she's a manipulative bitch, or she might give Claire some competition. Well... He. Mwaha. Mwahahahahahaha...'

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**Who, hah! Badabangbang! There's a verrry interesting bit of funny right above this. If you pick up on it... Keep it to yourself. It'll have greater importance later. Sorry for a short chapter, but I have other obligations. I am currently working on not one, not two, but THREE new fics! One for Avatar; Last Airbender, one is my own personal crossover funny-fic, and the last...**_

_**...Will be so goddamned badass, so epic, and so flippity flying fucking AWESOME, that Shatner will shit himself. It is about...**_

_**...Aaaaaand that's all we have time for. Psyche! Kidding. It's about Black Lagoon. Mwaha. Mwahahahaha! Badassery redefined!**_

_**Cover down and carry on!**_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**... Y'all really thought I'd leave you hanging, didn'tcha? Well, here it is. What was written on the back of Claire's dirty photo;**_

_To Leon; Roy told me you and him would both be gone for a suicidal mission, and he said that the chances of success were... Well, he said that if he came back alive, he was going to start buying lottery tickets. He asked me to take this photo for some sort of prank, and said he would be giving it to you in person when you leave. It should be in an envelope, but knowing him, it won't be. I wouldn't be worried if I were you, since Rebecca would neuter him if she caught him with this. Anyway... Stay safe, and come back alive. This is what you have to look forward to... I love you. And I hope to see you real soon. Try not to get yourself killed, Ace. Tell Roy that if he comes back without you, I'm going to murder him. With Love, Claire._

_PS: He blackmailed me into taking this for you, so blame him for that. XOXO._

_**...There was also a lipstick imprint at the bottom, in cherry red. Damn... He's one lucky guy, eh? Hm? How did Roy blackmail her? Well... He threatened to tell Chris that her and Leon had sex for the first time on his desk in Raccoon... Less than two hours after meeting each other. Which, upon finding out, Chris would go on a rampage and attempt to kill Leon. **_

_**So Claire gave in, after threatening untold genital harm upon Roy if Leon did not recieve said photo, or if it was ever found online or in anyone else's hands. Or if it became a topic of conversation among others. She also said that she'd be telling Leon about it the moment he returned to her, so he couldn't hold onto it without Leon getting murderous...**_

_**Eesh, none of them have a sense of humor, neh?**_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"There's a special rung in hell reserved for people who waste good scotch." - Lt. Archie Hickox

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_"It is error alone that needs government support; truth can stand by itself." Tom Jefferson_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_Remember: When you attempt to rationalize two inconsistent positions, you risk drowning as your own sewage backs up._

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"Killers who are not deterred by laws against murder, are not going to be deterred by laws against guns." - Robert A. Levy. This guy has it right.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**It's the Soldier, not the reporter  
Who has given us the freedom of the press.  
It's the Soldier, not the poet,  
Who has given us the freedom of speech.  
It's the Soldier, not the politician,  
That ensures our right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.**_

-It is the Soldier that will fight, kill and die to allow us to live the lives we lead. Semper Fidelis, my brothers. Oorah!


	51. Chapter 50 Unrequited Boy's Love

**Waking Death**

The Rescuers

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid suicidal motherfuckers. **_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

#50 Holy flippity flying fuck in a fuit fillet, fatman! Fifty chapters! Whoopitty doo-dah-yeah! I never thought I'd make it this far with one fic! But guess what... I impress even myself. Hell, I do that every time I look down my pants. Heheh. Whoop-pow! Foot-longer! Okay, weenie jokes aside, here goes the fun parts. This is where Roy really starts to fuck some shit up!

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

I moved at a leisurely jog, moving faster than you'd think posible for a man whistling the melody of Through the Fire and Flames. (By Dragonforce. Has some of the most complicated guitarwork known in modern rock music. An epic song... Those who can play it are gods among men, with fingers blessed by the music deities. In other words, they are true badasses with stratocasters)

Well, my oddball tastes in 90's rock'n'roll aside, I was making good headway. I maintained a safe distance of fifty feet or so behind Mendez and his goons, but still well ahead of Ada. I discreetly followed chiefy all the way to his house, y'know, the nice big two-story with the secret passage? And working toilets?

Er, anyways... Following them was easy, since the village itself was empty. Once they were all inside that great big house, I waited a good five minutes before creeping inside... Hanging a right... Heading up the stairs... Silently, stealthily going into the chief's bedroom... And snagging the insignia key. (No need to let people know where I had been by breaking down doors, right? And I had a solid hour or so until Leon woke the fuck up)

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Okay, after making a hasty exit, I made my way back to the village. After making sure there was no one waiting for me, I went right over to the emblem door...

Nice, big, engraved, sturdy affair. I could force it open, what with me being a superhuman bastard, but still... too obvious. I just unlocked it, then conveniently dropped the key right next to the door. Those ganados wouldn't notice it, but with the way Leon is attracted to shiny objects...

Heheh.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

I went through, typed, _'Leon, follow the tunnel to find the church. -R' _on the typewriter, before going through the wooden door next to me. The trapdoor was already open, so I dropped down and started moving through this dank, damp underground passage. Before moving ahead, I shut off my radio, to keep Leon or Hunnigan from figuring out where I was.

I readied my rifle, expecting trouble. Then I switched for my shotgun, checking the chamber.

"Okay, easy does it..."

I walked along the candle-lit passage, carefully listening for the tell-tale signs of ganado presence.

...Nothing. No one was here... Odd.

But I thought nothing of it, and just walked on. At the end of the tunnel, I climbed up the ladder and shoved the casket lid out of the way, then pulled myself out. I dusted myself off, then started walking, whistling a cheery tune as I switched back for my rifle.

I saw the graveyard was full of...

...Graves. And no ganados. WTF? Nothing to shoot? Damn, I was starting to get bored. And my finger was getting itchy.

...Eh, fuckit.

I just moved onward, ignoring the lack of targets. Annoying, but understandable. They were all in the church? Somewhere else? Eh...

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

After crossing the suspension walkway, I went through the wooden door into El Gigante's arena. I crossed the area unmolested, and went through the next large door, putting me at the start of the second boulder-dash. I looked up...

...And there it was. The second Indy Jones ass-pull. I loaded up my grenade launcher...

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Well, that was done, so I turned back, heading back the way I came...

...Yeah, not all the way. I went back to the graveyard, went back to the shack in the back and sat inside, intent on waiting for Leon to get his sorry ass up here. I checked my watch...

...I'd spent a good forty minutes dicking about since Leon was KO'd. I had maybe another thirty until he was up and about.

So I sighed and set in to wait... Man that fucker always keeps me waiting...

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Well, forty minutes later, a few ganados were walking down the gravyard path, coming closer to my little hideout. I pulled Sarah from my holster and reattatched the suppressor, before leaning up and aiming out the window...

...Two shots later, they were both on the ground, dissolving. Then I heard the distinct sound of gunshots in the distance...

...Yes, Leon was up and about, and he had to be pissed. Good. He fights better when he's angry...

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

With said angry blonde;

_Where is he? Where is Roy? Don't tell me that bastard left me behind... He said he was going to check the other house, but why didn't he back me up? Unless..._

_...Yeah, right. No way in hell did they kill him. But his radio isn't responding... And Hunnigan can't locate him, either. Shit. Not good..._

Leon was still thinking to himself, even as he snapped a ganado's neck before stabbing the temple of another. After wiping off his knife, he pulled his rifle back up and walked out of the chief's house. (He'd just taken the opportunity to relieve himself, which was nice, even if he had to bash the other guy's face in)

Not to mention just getting his bacon saved by a woman in red... She seemed familiar... But he was startled out of his thoughts when he heard a chainsaw being revved up.

'_Another chainsaw...? Great... Fuck me_'

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Well, another twenty minutes passed... Then I heard the sound of boots clanging on metal. The metal of a ladder. Can't get any more specific than that, neh?

Well, I sat back and waited... Until I saw Leon walking by the shack, following the path up to the church. He walked right by, not even giving a second glance towards my hiding spot. Idiot.

Well, his ignorance aside, I waited some more... Then I started to shadow him. I'd be his guardian angel with a high-powered rifle...

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

I started to follow, keeping a good thirty or forty feet away at all times. While he was conversing with Hunnigan, having walked right past the church, (Dumbass...) before going up to the door, floundering on it for a moment, before contacting Honey-bun again. (Heheh. She hates that nickname)

After that.. I distinctly heard him cursing to himself.

"Argh, why did Roy have to go and disappear... He'd kick this down in a blink... That or just blow it up. Starting to wish I'd brought a launcher too..." While he was grumbling about life never being simple, he started off down the path to the walkway, while I attatched a suppressor to my rifle and set it to single, flipping the magnifier up.

Switching hands, I moved to the edge of the brickwork wall, and put my back to it, before pulling my gun and arm around the corner, aiming. Leon had his gun up, and was being threatened by a woman with a sickle. I aimed...

...And fired, putting a round through her head, sending her plummeting into the lake. The moment I pulled the trigger, quick as a lick, I was back around the corner, hidden from view. I heard Leon jump, then spin around.

When he saw nothing, he just kinda shrugged and kept going. Idiot... Nice guy when all's said and done, but a bit of a blonde...

I heard two men scream and fall into the water, accompanied by loud splashing. Then he made some smartass quip.

"Have a nice swim..."

...Dumbass. I don't know what Claire sees in him...

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Well, he advanced along the walkway, and while he was walking along, I set up on the first boards, waiting for him to be a good distance off, me in his blind spot, while I took aim at the guy down by the door. I lined up my shot, adjusted for the distance, and guesstimated the windage effect. I fired three quick shots, hitting the poor bastard in his neck, jaw, and finally, his forehead.

Once I saw him drop, I waited... When Leon got to the door, he paused, staring at the Ganado. When he saw it start to dissolve, he shrugged and went through the door.

"What a dumbass..." I grumbled to myself as I stood up, before jogging across the long-ass winding walkway.  
_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

After a good two-minutes of moving and waiting, I went through the door, quietly shutting it behind me. I was just in time to see Leon going through the opposite door, heading down into the swamp-fever area. Lovely.

Moving across the area, I waited at the door for a solid minute, then went through.

On the other side, I saw Leon was well down the valley hill, so I moved over into the shack next to me, and waited... Again. (In case you can't tell, I'm not a sniper. I hate waiting)

But there I sat... And Waited. Until gunshots could be heard down below. Leon having fun... Bastard...

While I had to sit here and wait for-

*Ch-kuh... Aaaangh... Kaahl!* (My shitty imitation of a door opening)

The door nearby opened, where the sound of many footsteps could be heard. Six or seven ganados were wnetering the area. Reinforcements, eh? Now it's gonna get fun!

I stepped out of the shack, leaving my gun inside.

"Hello, mates. Sorry, but the cannon-fodder ratio's maxed out. Guess you mooks want a piece'a me?"

In lieu of answering, they started to rush me, weapons high. I grinned, a wicked sight... And pulled my favorite weapons. My knife was in my right hand, and my newest melee weapon, a SW671 tomahawk, in my left...

Time to **KICK. THIS. SHIT. UP!**

I dashed forward, slashing my knife across the nearest mook's throat, turning as I did so, and buried my axe in the second one's skull, before pulling, and jerking my axe in a way, throwing the dead bastard into the pitchfork of the next guy... Even as I stepped forward, ducked the guy's axe, and pigstuck him, before ripping my blade upward, spilling his guts all over the ground...

I paid it no mind, simply kicking him out of the way, reared back, and threw my 'hawk to my right, embedding it in the fourth target, before turning again, knocked his pitchfork off course, grabbed the handle, pulled him up to me, grabbed him round the neck, and buried my knee in his nuts, before stepping back and shoving (Read; throwing) him facedown on the ground.

I spun, and, just as the last one's sickle was coming down, about to tear my head from my shoulders...

...Time slowed down... To a crawl, as my heart pounded to life once more. With a nonchalant show of speed, I calmly reached up, grasped his weapon by the blade, pulled it from his grasp...

...And stabbed it into his temple, then smacked it further into his skull, knocking him to the side.

...As time seemed to pick back up to speed... All I heard was a semi-loud *Ka-thum-thum-kum-pa-kathumpk* ...The sound of five bodies hitting the ground simultaneously.

I was about to walk away, when I remembered something... I walked back over to the guy whose family jewels were in pieces, who had just groaned, and curb-stomped him, splattering grey matter over my boots. ...Just for good measure.

"Well.. That was what you'd call a one-man gang-bang, neh?"

Cue trollface, and annoying, nasally "Nyehehahahahahehehehaaa..." laughter.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

From there, I grabbed my rifle and headed down to watch over Leon's sorry ass. He was doing pretty well, had even seen the bombs planted around the place. I guess I was really shortchanging him on respect, but still... I had come over to Claire's place with pizza to celebrate and shoot the shit with an old friend, but there he was... Passed out on the couch, pants on the floor, Claire's head on his crotch. With a rather lewd sucking noise that was VERY audible. And not just because of my super-sensitive hearing. Hell, I could hear it from outside.

...Needless to say, I just set the pizzas down on the stair, and set a note for Claire to find later.

...Well, I thought it was funny. Heheh. What'd it say? Why should I tell you?

...Nah, kidding. It read as follows.

_"Claire; I came by with pizza to celebrate Leon's return, but you seemed to have your mouth full. When he wakes up, tell him to buy you dinner for being such a great girlfriend. Lucky bastard. -R"_

After scribbling that down, I skedaddled out of there, giggling like I had back in '98. Like a manly, badass schoolgirl.

...Is that even possible? I mean, seriously, me? Giggling? Like a schoolgirl? Honestly... How does a 6'2, built-and-cut-like-a-tank man with more muscles than body mass and a rolling, chocolately, baritone voice giggle?

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Regardless, I started shadowing him again, moving downhill and watching for hidden threats... Which weren't so threatening, what with their lack of hand-eye coordination, sucky aiming skills, and pitiful throwing abilities. It wouldn't be until they were armed with crossbows that they'd become really dangerous.

Not to mention the plagas... Those would be a considerable threat-multiplier. Freaking axe-tentacle...

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Well, I put those hilarious thoughts aside, and then shelved my thoughts on the plagas, figuring I'd reserve my worry about those for when I'd have to deal with 'em.

Anywho, I found myself waist-deep in dirty water, following blondie from a distance, when I saw him lure several ganados into the selfsame tripmire bomb they'd set up...

...Very nice. Guess they were as stupid here as they were in the game.

Well, the few bastards who were left didn't last long. It was a good thing I'd convinced POTUS (President Graham) to give us leeway on weapons, otherwise this would be far more of a pain in the ass. A handgun may be pretty effective if you're calm and a damned good shot, but it's got a small magazine, limited range and firepower, and simply lacks the velocity of a high-powered rifle. Now I don't consider the 5.56 high-powered by any means, but it's stronger than a handgun calibur, which is good enough.

Anyways...

Leon finished clearing out the area, without great incident. (By which, I mean he wasn't impaled and eviscerated)

I hauled ass to get up to him, keeping back and waiting for him to go through the doors and up, to observe the feeding of Del Lago. Which means I waited five minutes, before going through the doors, and went up the hill.

Once up top, I took a knee on the hill, and watched as Leon started the boat, and sailed out onto the lake. While he was out there, the monster of the lake stirred again, looking for more to eat.

When it crashed upward, the anchor from the rowboat came out and sank... Before getting caught in the creature's hide, and started dragging the tiny boat all around the Lake. Leon had enough good sense to steer around the debris on the water, at least.

Damn... That fucker was ugly. (Unfortunately, I don't mean Leon. He's very beautiful... Especially for a man, I'm sorry to say) The monster looked like an oversized salamaner that had no eyes and a fin-tail... Maybe a giant platypus without a bill?

Well, while Leon was floundering with the harpoons, I loaded up my grenade launcher, and set in to wait...

...For a few moments. The thing went under after eating a handful of harpoons, and started to swin under the boat.

I could see it from my perch on the hill, via a dark shape in the water, but Leon was blind. I'm fairly sure he was shitting himself, unable to see the beast.

When the creature surfaced, raoring, maw gaping, it started to charge straight at Leon's rinkidink dingy, as he readied another harpoon.

I took aim with my launcher, closed my left eye, and exhaled...

...At which point, I pulled the trigger, and fired. My grenade flew out, sailed across the lake, and smacked Del Lago right in its tentacle-filled throat. And then the explosion bitch-slapped it like fifty tons of granite. As the creature of the lake, screeched, flipped, flailed and sank, it's head nearly gone, I ducked down and hid myself, making sure Leon never saw me.

But I did hear him panic when the rope caught his leg.

"Fuck! Shitfucksonofabitchmotherfuc kcockslutfaggaaah!"

...Yeah, must've felt like his leg was being torn off. I got back up on my knee, raised my rifle, and took aim...

He was lying in the boat, one hand steadying himself, the other fumbling for his knife, the rope wrapped around his leg, trying to tug him under, the anchor still embedded in the monster's sinking carcass.

With unnatural stillness brought about only by death... I aimed my rifle, as time seemed to dilute... I adjusted my aim, carefully measuring the distance, windage, temperature...

...Bang.

One shot, and the rope snapped, my bullet splitting it, freeing his leg and saving his life... Again. (Sardonic tone, just so you know)

...And I immediately threw myelf to the ground, unceremoniously pressing my face into the dirt, trying not to let him see me.

When I heard the boat start back up, and move in the other direction, I knew he was alright. And not trying to look for his mysterious savior. I waited half an hour before moving again... When I did, I went down to the dock, and cursed myself.

"Great... How the fuck do I... Oh, I am not swimming in that... Eugh..." But then the hair on the back of neck perked up, my ears twitched, and I felt a presence... Someone standing behind me...

With a nonchalant flick of my wrist, Sarah was in my hand, I spun around, arm extended, handgun aimed at the face of whoever had the bad luck of sneaking up on me...

...The man blinked. His creepy, glowing yellow eyes staring at me. From under his dark blue hooded trench coat.

Huh?

"Yes, strangah?"

I blinked. "Merchant?"

"Mah name's Mark, strangah." Again, I blinked.

"Huh. Well, Mark, you heading to that cave over yonder?" The creepy man nodded.

"Well, the boat's on the other side. You got a way across that doesn't involve swimming?" Again, he nodded, and pulled his pack from his hunched back. He rummaged around inside for a moment, before pulling out a cardboard box. After setting it down and opening it, he pulled out a small bright yellow rubber/plastic-looking thing...

He nudged it a few times and did something... I heard a loud *hiss* as the thing started to grow... And grow... And grow... Until it was roughly seven feet long, four feet wide. A self-inflating raft.

"Nice... You got oars with it?" Of course, he produced an extendable one from beneath the folds of his coat.

"Oookay... Mind giving me a lift?"

"S'long as you're rowing, fine."

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Well, we were both in this tiny yellow raft while I rowed us across the lake, hopped off at the dock, and saluted the merchant, er, Mark, as he started rowing towards the cave.

...Wierd. But since I had an arsenal to fight and WIN world war three, I didn't much need her services... Not yet, at least.

Welp, I put that aside and did an about-face, and observed my surroundings.

There was the cottage where Leon was passed out, and.. Hm. Ada hasn't yet had the opportunity to drop off her note...

I grinned a wicked grin. Time for mischief.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

I popped inside the cottage, saw no note, and found Leon lying facedown on the floor. I unceremoniously flipped him onto his back, turned his head to the side, (So he wouldn't choke on his tongue/vomit) and undid his pants...

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Heheheh. After preparations were complete, I left the cottage, went round back, pulled out my camcorder, and set in to wait, looking in through the window. I kept my ears perked, listening for the sound of high-heels...

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Well... Roughly an hour and a half to three hours later, I heard it. The sound of footsteps... Feminine footsteps. Like, those of high-heels. Prada, at a guess.

Anyway, I turned on my camcorder, and watched the procedings from the window...

Ada opened the door, took a glance inside, looked around, (I ducked down and waited a beat)

Then she took notice of Leon. He was lying on his back, spread-eagle, with his pants down to his knees. (Boxers too. Full bait-and-tackle on display) Here I was counting on Ada's sex life. Or lack thereof, I should say. Not to mention her obsession with Leon. Or, should I say... His. Mwahahahahahaha...

Anyway, Ada stared at Leon's junk for a solid minute, and I could hear her swallow before licking er lips... But she shook her head, trying to disrupt her perverted mind.

Then she walked over to the bed, and pulled a slip of paper from her cleavage, (Hoh did I not notice that? Well... You'll find out) and left it on the bed. She then turned around, and made to leave...

...But she took one last glance at Leon's manhood... And then, hook, line and stinker, she shut the door, spun around, and practically dived down on him, unconscience or not.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

**LEMON-E/CITRUS-E!** BEWARE, all ye who enter. Here there be monsters!

...She dove forward, got on her knees, and placed her head on his crotch, latching onto his mantackle with her luscious red lips... Even from my place outside, I could hear a very loud *Schhluurrrrrrppp!-Pop!* His fuck-muscle was rock-hard within moments of this treatment, unconscience or no. The body knows pleasure.

...Damn, she was good. She got his other head in her mouth, suckling while her left hand fondled his eggs, and her right... Well, she leaned back on her haunches, tugger her dress up from under her knees, and then... Oh, then!...

...She pulled it further up, revealing a small, cute, uncut cock, throbbing in all it's glory. (It practically starting singing, "I'm doin' fiiiiiine!" )

...Here, my observational abilities creeped me out. I could accurately say it was roughly 5.5-6 inches long, of normal girth, and there was precum already dribbling out.

Ahem, moving away from describing a woman's penis... Yes, I said it, a WOMAN'S PENIS. Ada had a dick. This was what I meant by deeply embarassing her back in Racoon... Heheheheh. Leon wasn't paying attention for that bit, but Claire got an eyefull. It involved maneuvering Ada into walking over a hot air vent at the exact time it was set to start blasting, while she was facing myself and Claire. Unfortunately, Leon had sneezed at the exact same moment, and missed it entirely.

Anyway, back to the hot-dickgirl-spy-on-hot-comatose-agent action. Her other hand started working her own shaft, while she tenderly caressed Leon's sack. He was passed the fuck out, so I guesstimated he wouldn't last very long... Especially not with how skillfull she was at slurping cock. I guess it comes down to experience. She knows how it feels.. So she can give it out pretty damn well.

I double-checked that the camcorder was recording, and watched on, kinda feeling forry for him. Leon, not Ada. So while she worked away, roghly four minutes in, I could hear Ada groan through her mouthfull of cock, and she shivvered, before spewing a huuuuge load all over the floor. She stopped sucking for a moment, panting through her nose, eyes lidded, as she came down from her orgasm-high.

After a moment of her eyes rolling back and her body jerking slightly from sensory overload, she started jerking herself off again, and continued sucking the (un)lucky bastard. Her left hand stopped fondling, and she released his dick with a loud *Pop!* before she stuck two fingers in her mouth and sucked those for half a second, before going back down on his penis, whilest she brought her left hand back, behind her own genitalia.

After half a second, she groaned again, her eyes rolling back in her head. I figured she just stuck a finger or two up her ass.

Anywho... She kept this up, stroking-sucking-fingering for another five or six minutes... When I heard Leon groan. He didn't move, but I noticed the muscles in his stomache clench involuntarily, before Ada's eyes shot wide open and her cheeks bulged. She started swallowing, once, twice, four times, before she pulled backward, and one final spurt shot upward, landing on her breasts, cock and dress.

She sat backward, her hand working furiously, before she bit her lip, pulled her left hand from behind her, and gripped her nuts. Then as her other hand worked her shaft faster and faster, she clenched her balls in her fist, squeezing/crushing them as her eyes rolled back and a gasp escaped her lips, just as her dick started spewing for a second time.

As her body was wracked with convulsions, her mouth gaped, tongue lolled, and shaft twitched, even after her hands moved away from it. Even from a distance, I could see her testicles were slightly discolored, the start of serious bruising. Within second of letting go, her shaft began to shrink and go limp, completely spent. Leon's own erection was still twitching, just now starting to subside.

As the spy sat there in a heap, panting, her mind completely blank, she had the cutest expression... One I often recall seeing on Rebecca right after I fucked her world. Anyways... After a few moments of vegetating, the veteran spy took note of her surroundings and current situation. Practically covered in jizz, her thighs were soaked, the front of her dress had a very long white stain, with more of the stuff settled between her breasts.

Casually raising a hand, she gathered a dollop of the goo on her fingers, sticking it in her mouth. After savoring the taste, she leaned forward, kissing Leon's cock and giving it one more long suck, before gathering a handful of her own seed, licking up a generous amount of it, and moving upward, closer to Leon's face. She then left a wet, sensuous, smooch on his lips, giggling as she did so before licking what was left of the goop from her lips.

After that, she stood up, wiped herself off as best she could with several pieces of cloth she seemed to pull from nowhere, before walking out, not bothering to pull Leon's pants back up. I figured she wanted him to wake up with that surprise too... As well as the one on his lips!

END LEMON-~~

Ahahahahahahaaaa! I can't wait to see the look on his face when he wakes up, tastes jizz on his lips, sees a massive pool of dried jizm on the floor next to him, along with his pants down! Mwahahahahahahahahahahaaaa! Oh, that would be fucking hi-larious! Aahahahahahahahaaaaa!

And I had it all on camera! Oh, damn, how the tables have turned! Now I can blackmail him anytime I want! Hahahahahahaaa! And if Ada pisses me off, I can post it on the 'net! Oh, kami, my sides hurt!

_'International spy becomes famous- found to be transgendered, and molested a man in his sleep!'_

Oh, damn, that would be hilarious! Now I can blackmail her, too! Hahahahahahaa!

Geeze, if the office found out Leon got blown by a man... Even a hot man with a bombshell body and excellent breasts, he'd never live it down! And Claire would ridicule him for the rest of his life! He'd no longer be known as the Rookie- Oh, no, he's be called the dick-whisperer!

Hahahahahahahaaaaaaaa!

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Roughly three hours later...

"Augh... Wha... Where...?" Leon sat up, feeling more than a little breezy. Huh...?

"Oh, shit!" He quickly pulled his pants up, wondering why they were down in the first place. He then licked his lips, his throat feeling dry...

...And he did not like what he tasted. "Blah! Eugh, what is this.. Salt...?"

...Oh, you have no idea how close you are... Heheheheheheheh.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"_The defecation is about to approach the rotary oscilator_"

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"_I come in peace. I didn't bring artillery. But I'm pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you fuck with me, I'll kill you all._" -USMC General James Mattis. Damn... This is how you negotiate!

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet," -USMC General James Mattis. He is my kinda guy! (In a non-sexual meaning, if you catch my drift)

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_In the unlikely event I ever become president of a company, my first order of business will be to promote the janitor to executive vice president. Then I'll call him into my office and say "All right, Herb, I want you to tell me what's going on in the company. Care for a drink before we begin? I think I have a bottle of Scotch around here someplace."  
"Lower left drawer of your desk," Herb will reply, "Right behind your box of El Puffo cigars, which, I might add, are excellent."_ -Patrick McManus


	52. Chapter 51 What Else Are Friends For?

**Waking Death**

The Rescuers

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid suicidal motherfuckers. **_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

#51 Well, I honestly thought I would've ended Waking Death before hitting chapter fifty, so here goes. Oh ya, sorry, but Living Weapon will take awhile longer to be continued, but rest assured, it has NOT been discontinued! Also, Icha Icha Post-Mortem will have new material eventually! Crimson Lagoon is in the works... With some new funny content. Let's Rock'n'fuckin' Roll!

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

After hearing Leon complain about tasting salt, I went 'round the house, somewhat soaked by the rain. This gave him time to pull his pants up. I gave the door a kick, stepping inside, sweeping my gun left and right, before letting my gaze settle on Leon.

"Rookie? You alright?"

He got to his feet. "Yeah... Feel like shit. What happened to you? You fucking disappeared on me."

"Sorry. I ran into Krauser. That was real pleasant... After that, I had a few errands to complete. Spent the last two hours searching for you. What happened?"

He shrugged. "Dunno. I blacked out..." He looked at the dried jizz stains on the floor. "Uhh... I hope that's not what I think it is..."

I raised an eyebrow, eyeing those selfsame stains. I knew who made them. "Yeah... It is, but I'd rather not think about the implications..." He licked his lips again, before spitting on the floor, a disgusted look on his face. Oh, It was sooo hard not to laugh...

"Gah... I really don't want to think about what that might mean..." Shaking my head at his comment/misfortune, I walked over to where Ada's little note rested.

"Oy, blondie. I think this is addressed to you." I handed it to him, already knowing what it said.

His eyes scanned it once, before he scrunched up his face in contemplation. "El Gigante...? The giant? The hell's that?"

I shrugged, then grinned. "I don't know, and I don't wanna know. You good to go, or should I start carrying your candy ass?" Of course, he rolled his eyes.

"I'm fine. Lemme call Hunnigan, before she has an aneurysm."

He did so, while I conveniently switched on my own radio. "_My god, Leon! It's been over six hours since your last transmission! Is Roy nearby_?"

"Yeah, honey-bun. I'm right here. Hope you weren't too lonely without us." My grin was still firmly in place.

"_...It seems you're still as smartass as ever. What happened? I lost your signal._" My nickname for her still annoyed her to no end.

"Sorry, I was going through a tunnel and got a little hung up."

"_That doesn't explain six hours... And Leon, what happened to you? You weren't responding. I thought you were dead._" He smirked.

"Surely you have more confidence in me than that? I felt dizzy and lost conscienceness... Not sure what caused it, but I'm fine now. We're gonna continue our mission." She nodded. I still wasn't sure why we had video on these radios...

"_Alright... But try to be more careful, both of you._"

Leon smiled, a very tender, reassuring expression. I didn't trust it. "Don't worry, Hunnigan. We'll be back before you know it." He cut the transmission, and stared at me.

"A tunnel?" He deadpanned.

"Yeah. One filled with lions and tigers and bears!" Of course, I was wearing my untrustworthy mischief-maker grin.

...He didn't buy it. "...Right." Bastard.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

We left the shack, and started off towards the gate nearby. Whistling my cheeky tune, I ignored the rain completely, whereas Leon grumbled something about his hair. Bloody emo...

Casually kicking down the gates, I started on and stopped when I caught sight of ugly and his cousin, butt. (This is a joke. If you do not understand it, then please fuck off and drink a gallon of bleach. It'll save everyone the trouble)

The guy started hobbling towards us... Before he began convulsing uncontrollably, and his head exploded. *KER-SPLAT!* (Eughh... His head asplode!)

"...Man, that's not right..." Leon nodded dumbly, his face turning an interesting shade of green. As the headless man stepped closer, some...thing, popped out of his neck, sprouting a tentacle with a serrated blade on the end of it.

"Eugh... What a pain in the neck..." I raised my rifle, casually dropping a very lame pun. Of course, Leon still glared at me for stealing his line. He too pulled his gun up, stepping backward.

As the bladed tentacle swung to and fro, I aimed and pulled the trigger, peppering the thing with hollowpoints. I fired a five-count burst, expecting it to drop.

...It didn't. "...Da fuck? Leon... Hope you brought a lotta ammo..." I brought my aim back into place, and fired. Ten more rounds connected before the thing twitched, and the parasite stopped moving. The ganado fell to his knees, then collapsed. His buddy, who had been steadily advancing the entire time, didn't take notice of his imminent demise...

I very generously reminded him. By dumping the rest of my magazine into his skull. ...He dropped without further complaint. After waiting a tic, both bodies started dissolving. I heard Leon let out a breath as I did the same, not noticing that I'd held mine.

"Well... That was eventful... Leon, what say me'n you go rescue Ashley now so we can go home?"

"I second that motion." I nodded, and we both started off.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

While we were moving, Leon asked something that nearly made me trip.

"Hey Roy, just how do you and Rebecca manage to stay together? You're complete opposites, don't you two argue all the time?" I paused. Relationship questions? In the middle of an op? ...Huh.

"The great ladies' man, Leon S. Kennedy, asking me for relationship advice? I figured you'd ask me that over a guinness at the bar... Or a dozen. Heh, Now that I think about it... I dunno. We don't fight over things too often. If I tell her to do something she doesn't like, one raised eyebrow says she's going to do it; like it or lump it. She usually finds some way to torture me for it afterward, but regardless. Anytime I have her do something she dislikes, it's to keep her alive. Believe it or not, she's a helluva lot smarter than I am, and figures that out pretty damn fast. Other than a few little inconveniences for security purposes, she runs the house entirely." I started moving again, keeping a decent walking pace. Then grinned.

"I consider myself damned lucky she enjoys gardening or I'd be the one mowing the yard." He chuckled at that, keeping pace with me.

"So how do you get out of arguements? When stubborn people like you two start up, it turns into ground zero." I snorted a laugh at his joke, my good-natured humor overriding my annoyance.

"Pretty easily for me. If it's something minor, I make her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, and the issue is completely forgotten. At least until she wakes up and remembers, at which point I usually have a damned fine meal prepared to win her over. That, or I'm long gone and I give her a few hours to cool off before coming home. From there it's a simple matter of light petting to distract her and implement a solution. For major fights? Hmm... "

I gave this a little thought as I hopped over the last gap, before taking a knee and smashing the torch next to me, killing the light source.

"...Well, I tell her to shush for a few moments so I can try to find a solution that pleases both sides, at which point she slaps me and hurts her hand. Generally it's pretty funny. Distraction in place, I put my grey matter to use and try to figure something out. If there's an arguement and harsh or hurtful words are said, one party will walk out in a huff. I don't let that happen. Verbal wounds don't heal; they fester. I've intercepted her at the door two or three times, before dragging her back kicking and screaming over my shoulder. Though the most recent time, she figured that she was better off not hitting, since that always ended with me treating self-inflicted injuries."

I could feel his stare on my back. "That's... Harsh..." I looked at him over my shoulder.

"I've never struck her, so don't even think about it. She winds up bruising her arms from hitting me! Anytime that happens, I drag her back and drop her ass on the couch until we've both calmed down enough to discuss things civilly. By the way, I do not reccommend that for your fiery redhead. Your balls aren't made of steel. And I've enforced that policy on myself more than once when I'd have rather stomped out, but I've told her that it's better to deal with that sort of thing then and there, rather than get angry at each other and stay like that for hours or days. This is the policy we've agreed to... After some convincing, it has to be said. I was once told by a dear friend... That lovers should never go to bed angry. Best relationship advice I've ever heard."

His eyebrows rose slightly. "That the same Sarah I've heard about?"

"The very same. There anything else you want to know?" I pulled my rifle up, and aimed downward, below us, towards the ganado standing in one of the wooden mini-towers... Dunno what they're actually called.

"...Yeah. How do I get out of an arguement without counting on being made of indestructium?" He sniped, probably annoyed that my experiences certainly wouldn't help him. At least he had his corny comicbook dork information right.

"Talk to her next time you see her. Convince her that any time you guys get in a fight, that you both agree to stop, shut up, take a deep breath, count to a hundred, and then try to figure shit out. Beat her over the head with some sappy _'I just don't ever wanna lose you to my male stupidity' _schtick if ya have to. Then if things get heated and she storms off you can guilt trip her later on if she agreed to it. Beyond that..." I turned and looked at my old friend.

"Look, mate; I'm a soldier, not a psychologist. Rebecca's logical, so I'm lucky on that count. I've lived a long life for a SpecFor, Leon, and the best thing I can tell you is to listen to your head, but go with your heart." Turning back alligning my shot, I slowed my breathing, waiting for the goon to poke his head out...

"That sounds too profound for you to come up with..." Prick.

"Right on that mark. It was the last order Sarah ever gave me. '_Seek out happiness, let your heart be your guide, and live on in my stead... Live your life for yourself for once._' Those were her last words. I have done my damnedest to honor them, as I always have, and always will." The bastard came out from under the roof, for only a second. It was enough. A single shot rang out... Followed by a dull thud.

Leon moved closer, looking over the edge at my latest kill. "...Sounds like you two were close."

"We were. Then we were seperated by the blade of irony. C'mon, only way forward is down."

I could practically hear his expression turning sardonic. "A blade of irony, huh? And you said I was corny..." Fucker.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

With inhuman reflexes, I jumped off the ledge, catching the rope in my left hand, gently gripping the thick hemp to slow my descent to slightly more survivable-to-humans than the breakneck speed of gravity.

I landed in a crouch, cracking the stone beneath my left knee, left hand out forward, pressed against the ground, keeping me from facefaulting. (Think Samus, from Metroid, or Motoko from Ghost in the Shell. I don't own either of them, by the way)

I stood up, bringing myself to my full height. After making sure there was nothing unsavory and I was out of Leon's way, I took a knee and waited for him to rappel all the way down. Didn't take long.

(Go look for the dangling-crate area in the beginning of chapter 2-1 in RE4 to find out what this area looks like; explaining it would be a pain in the ass. Fairly sure there're some screenshots on Gamefaqs)

When he was on the ground, I stood back up and took the lead, till we were at the crossing area...

"...You feel like swimming?" He gave me a look. (You know, _the look_)

"...I'll take that as a no." I pulled my gun to my shoulder, aiming for the chains keeping the nearest wooden crate suspended.

With meticulous care, I shot the chain, dropping the crate into the water as it floated down, only to get caught on the safety cage; large metal bars that kept people from dragged downstream by the current if they fell in.

Once the first one was in place, I hopped across, landing on the walkway in the middle area. I took a few steps back, got a running start, and leaped as far across as I could without looking like fucking Superman. Of course, I stuck the landing, and jogged over to the platform, climbing the ladder Gears-style and pulling the lever.

As the mechanism worked, I hopped down and got back across, this time landing in a crouch, bringing my rifle up.

Just in time, too, since a good half dozen ganados came out of the cave that had been hidden behind the waterfall. You know, the one that was just now redirected by said mechanism? So we could go through and collect the key to the church? (Seriously, where have YOU been? Heheheh)

Fourth wall aside, I turned and faced the larger crowd, Leon already aiming for the ones that were about to hop onto the foating crate to get to us. (From the start of the area. Neither of us knew how they got there)

"Light 'em up!"

I fired, placing my first shot in the closest guy's face, causing his body to flip backwards, landing in a heap. I put two more rounds in his chest to make sure he stayed down. Standing, I adjusted my aim towards the other five guys headed our way, carrying various farm implements and torches.

From the sounds of screaming and splashing, Leon was knocking plenty of them into the water. Good. I souldn't have to save his ass...

Taking a step backward, I pulled the trigger again and again, putting two more guys down, before the next guy's head exploded, revealing another plaga.

'Fucking tentacles...'

Switching to full-auto, I squeezed the trigger, putting a ten-round burst into the monstrocity, before the whole thing... Eugh... Popped, for lack of a better word. As the creature dropped to the ground, I put a round in the next guy's knees, causing him to fall on his face. The last guy took my final four shots to his face, falling on his ass and staying there.

Dropping the mag, I pulled a fresh one from my vest, loading it and slapping the bolt release, just before I felt something pressing against my back. Turning my head, I caught sight of Leon's shoulder.

"Back-to-back again, eh?" As he fired, I could feel the recoil of his weapon transfer from him to me.

I heard him chuckle. "Just like old times..."

Grinning, I replied, "Let's make sure it stays that way. Without me carrying your candy ass, that is." Despite him being a year older than myself, I was the veteran of this dynamic still, while both of us were snarky smartasses with dry humor. (*Cough* Your right hand comes off? *Cough*)

"You're never gonna let me live that down, are you?" He fired two more shots, and I heard a body thumping against the ground.

"Hell, no. Not until the day you go up to Chris and tell him you're fucking his sister. 'Cuz then SHE'LL be the one carrying your sorry broken ass!" Through guffaws, I aimed at the ganado who was slowly trying to get back up with two shattered knees, aiming through the tears in my eyes. (I was thinking of Leon telling Chris about his 'relationship' with Claire. And imagining what his hospital bill would look like. That's a loooooot of 0's. Double pun!)

I hit the downed faux-zombie with a double-tap, permanently ending his un-life. Turning my head, I found that Leon had just dropped the last enemy in the water. "...I still don't know how you found out about that. And how do you know that Chris doesn't know?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Because you can still walk. Because your testicles are intact. Because you don't take all your meals through a fucking _straw_. Have you _seen _his biceps? Hulk-mother-fucking-Hogan would think twice before fucking his sister!" Leon stared at me for a moment. Then he shuddered.

"... Point taken."

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

After that incident, and my picking up the amber ring, which Leon conveniently pointed out, (Ooh, shiny!) we entered the cave and found the... Wall or whatever the thing was. I plucked the cult emblem from it, weighing it in my hand.

"Huh..." ...And then the wall slid into the ceiling. "Double _huh_."

"...No comment."

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

After Leon called Hunnigan, we were off again, went through the metal doors, and stared at the tiny rowboat.

"What is it with this place and these rinkidink dingies?" Leon just stared at me.

"No. Just, no. I am not degrading myself with a small penis joke." I grinned at him.

"What, your pride already compensating for it?"

He groaned. "Oh, come on!"

In lieu of replying, I merely chuckled.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"_I come in peace. I didn't bring artillery. But I'm pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you fuck with me, I'll kill you all._" -USMC General James Mattis. Damn... This is how you negotiate!

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet," -USMC General James Mattis. He is my kinda guy! (In a non-sexual meaning, if you catch my drift)

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_In the unlikely event I ever become president of a company, my first order of business will be to promote the janitor to executive vice president. Then I'll call him into my office and say "All right, Herb, I want you to tell me what's going on in the company. Care for a drink before we begin? I think I have a bottle of Scotch around here someplace."_

"Lower left drawer of your desk," Herb will reply, "Right behind your box of El Puffo cigars, which, I might add, are excellent." -Patrick McManus

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**I figure I'd mention this; Roy is by no means a "Mary Sue." Mary Sue's are nice. He is anything but. They try to fix things; he goes galavanting around doing whatever the fuck he pleases. And whoever. Heheh. -The Author. Because I fucking said so!**_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

**Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that**. -Unknown

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

**16 THINGS I'M GOING TO DO AT WALMART**

** 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren't looking.**

** all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.**

**3. Make a trail of tomato juice leading to the restroom .**

**4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,"code 3 in housewares."**

** to service desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.**

** a "CAUTION-WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area .**

** up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.**

** a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask**  
**"why can't you people just leave me alone?"**

** write into the security camera&use it as a mirror and pick your nose.**

** handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.**

** around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission impossible"theme.**

** the auto department,practice your "Madonna look''using different size funnels.**

** in a clothing rack and when people browse through,** **say ''PICK ME! PICK ME!''**

** an announcement comes over the speaker,assume the fetal position and scream...**  
**''NO! NO! It's those voices again!''**

** into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"**

** several bouncy balls and throw them down a aisle shouting"pikachu I choose you!"**

**IF YOU LAUGHED AT THIS REPOST ON YOUR PROFILE. YOU KNOW YOU DID SO POST IT OR ELSE**

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

**15.** _When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling __**'Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!'**_

**16.** _Tell Your Children Over Dinner. __**'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'**_

**Funny ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity ^**

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

The three bits directly above are from the profile of CrimsonLaurana. She has.. Many, many funny/interesting things on there. Took me a good forty-five minutes to read through all that... And I'm one of those super-fast readers!

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**If I hit 6,000 views before 2013, I will eat my shorts! Believe it, tebayo! And I will also include new omakes! Tell your friends! I swear it! So get to viewing! And the more reviews, the more funny omakes/outtakes/bloopers I will make! I have a whoooole whopping page dedicated to 'em! So start reviewing! Suggestions in reviews/Private Messages for funny stuff will be HONESTLY CONSIDERED! I AM BORED! I WILL PROBABLY WRITE IT IF YOU SUGGEST IT! All Hairu Reviews! **_


	53. Chapter 52 OMAKE! The Other Bukkake!

**Waking Death**

The Rescuers

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid suicidal motherfuckers. **_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

#51.5; OMAKE TIME! Holy hoopity hoppin' hookers, Fatman! We've got a bloopers chapter! (For fuckin' finally...)

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**Hellooooooo Dolly! This is the... Okay, maybe it's not the first time I've gotten two reviews within a day of putting out a new chapter, but whatever. I'm making a parody of a parody, whether you like it or lump it.**_

_**In response to AzureSonata23's review; You sir/ma'am, are correct! Like it, lump it, laugh, keep it the fuck movin'. This is about a non-canonical character because I suck as writing from the perspectives of people who are not like me, therefore, I can't really flesh out the personalities of the canon characters too well. So, I write from Roy's point of view, making it both a parody and a "What-would-you-do-if-you-were-in-Resident-Evil" kinda fanfic. **_

_**It was made to appeal to people who are realistic; Seriously, a wooden door is NOT going to keep ME out. I will kick it the fuck down, or blast the freakin' hinges off. People who think outside of the box, who say, "Wait. Fuck this, I got a shotgun!" will enjoy the way he improvises. He is the personification of the ultimate badass, going around doing whatever and whoever he pleases, making wisecracks and humiliating the big bad antagonist at each and every opportunity.**_

_**Now on to Code Veronica; I bloody fucking hated that game. Dear Kami, it was the greatest pain in the balls I ever played. Dark Souls doesn't come close. Fuck, Demon's souls was less annoying. Plus, if he happened to go and show up, he'd've been there for less than a day before he blew the base up, killed both Ashfords, and gotten Claire out with Steve in tow. Likely long before Chris even arrived.**_

_**And what would happen if he did that? Steve would survive, which would screw with the Leon-Claire-Ada triangle even more than the asian woman having a penis! Seriously. I don't do drama. It's too tempting to step in, crack their heads together, and say "Get the fuck over yourselves. You're still breathing, ya got two good legs and two strong arms. Wake the fuck up." And having a fourth wheel wouldn't be funny, especially when it's some scrawny crushing teen. Moving on.**_

_**...Okay, no, even Roy wouldn't stoop that low. Making fun of Alfred is too EASY! He'd be bored out of his skull making the flamboyant redcoat cry. Not to mention rediculing him for his shitty aim and wearing a dress. **_

_**Okay, I'm done ranting about that. The Ada-penis bit will have some funny moments below... Mwah, mwahahah, mwahahahahahahahahaaaaa!**_

_**INTO THE NOTHING WE GO! OORAH!(Breaking Benjamin) **_

_**\Author**_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

**Omake #1: Leon's Luck**

...After a long, hard day of protecting Ashley as a secret service badass, I mean agent, Leon finally walked through the door of his suburban home.

"Sweetheart! I'm home!" He called, expecting to hear her from the kitchen.

"I'm up here!" ...Instead, he heard her voice from their bedroom.

'Oh-ho, so she wants to get kinky... Score!' He thought to himself, looking forward to wiping the image of Ashley bending over from his mind. As he trudged up the stairs, he noticed something. The faint scent of perfume... And not the kind Claire usually wore.

'Huh... Maybe she had Jill over... Holy, shit. ' He stopped at the stop of the stairs, now imagining Claire and Jill both in his bed, beckoning him into it.

Shaking the image form his head, he thought, '...Fuck. I better be careful with that. If I start getting a boner around Jill, too, Chris will really kill me! '

Putting his best _'I'm sexy and I know it _' grin in place, he opened the door to the master bedroom, expecting to find Claire laid out on the bed. What he found was much, much more arousing. At least, it would have been, if not for the boner SHE was sporting.

His grin not only faltered, it completely shattered. His jaw dropped, and his mind went blank. Lying on HIS bed, was Ada Wang. (No, not Wong, Wang. Ha ha. Laugh, motherfucker!)

Bare-assed naken, save for a VERY undersized thong, that was being stretched to the limit by the tent she was pitching. In her mouth was a ballgag, and her hands were tied above and behind her head, to the headboard. Both her legs were tied to opposite bedposts, keeping her spread-eagled.

In the eight seconds it took for his mind to reboot, he turned and saw Claire, standing in his blind spot with a scowl.

"Just what is the meaning of this?! SHE'S your 'Sweetheart' now?!"

Even in his befuddled state, one thought came through loud and clear.

"He. And no, he's not. Your car was in the driveway. And why is he tied up?" Still mindblown, he remained calm.

"WHY?! Because she... he... Argh, whatever! Have fun with your whore!" Claire was about to storm out when Leon caught her by the arm.

"Claire, wait! What's going on? I just got here and I find you pissed off, and Ada has a penis. What the hell?"

She stared at him, still angry. "You invited her here, didn't you?! I came home early to surprise you and I found HER in OUR bed!" Leon blinked. And looked over at the tied up spy.

Ada was currently under the effects of the aphrodisiac she had placed on the nightstand, intended for Leon should he prove difficult. Instead, Claire had forced them down her throat after tying the spy to the bed, to keep her compliant. This was the cause of the woman's erection, which was more than a little painful, since she'd been stuck with it for the last two hours.

"I didn't. I'm not into guys, remember?" Through her fury, Claire dimly remembered the look on Leon's face when he found out she had a strap-on... Priceless. Even moreso when he saw the vaseline in the nightstand. He'd raced out of the bedroom shouting something about a Captain Jack, and dropping the soap.

"...Alright. Then why is she here?"

...Her question was answered by the muffled moan coming from the asian transexual.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Well, two hours and one really messed-up threesome later, Leon was laying on the bed, panting. Ada was passed out next to him, her cock still throbbing in it's bondage, since Claire had put a hairband around it to keep the spy from actually enjoying the encounter.

Speaking of Claire... Leon looked up and found her walking out of the adjoining bathroom. Wearing a strap-on. While rubbing petroleum jelly onto it.

...Leon has never before run so fast in his life, trying to escape before Claire could give chase.

While she watched her freaked-out, homophobic boyfriend running out of the room, Claire sighed.

"Guess I should've told him this was for you, huh?" She said, while looking intently at the newly-awakened Ada. The asian woman shrugged, her arms still tied, the gag still in place. She wasn't too bothered by any of this, since she'd shared a bed with Wesker more than once. ...He's got some fucked up fetishes.

Suddenly, a loud banging was heard from the closet, as the door shook slightly. This kept up for several seconds, before the two women could hear muffled curses from within the closet.

"_Godamn fuck sonofabitch! Can one of you let me out?"_

Both women stared at the closet for a good thirty seconds, neither of them saying a word.

Suddenly...

_"Ah, shit! Now the super soaker's leaking... Well this was a bust. Can't even come outta the closet._"

OMAKE END!

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

**OMAKE # 2: Between a rock and a horny Rebecca...**

_Back in the original mansion... Immediately after Roy saves Rebecca and Forest from the Shadow Hunter._

Just after I finished applying the herb mix to Rebecca's midrift, she seized my hand.

"Roy. I want it. Now." I blinked.

"Wait, what? You've just very nearly been killed, it's been mere hours since I fucked you into a coma, and now you want MORE?"

She glared at me. "Yes. Now." I chanced a glance at the others...

Richard was gaping, blushing fircely. Kenneth was staring, one hand adjusting the camera on his shoulder. While Forest was openly gawking at us, ignorant of the blood spurting out of his wounds.

...It was starting to form a puddle on the floor.

I turned back to Rebecca... "Even with them standing there watching?"

"Fuck 'em. Now fuck ME!" I blinked.

'Eh, what the hell.'

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_One boink later. We now fast forward to the helicopter ride back to Raccoon. _

"...Roy." I looked up, the cigarette dangling from my lips. It never stood a chance.

The medic latched onto me, her arms around my neck, intertwining her tongue with my own. I barely had time to blink, when she started rubbing my crotch, saying, "I don't care if they watch... I want you..."

...my fallen cancer stick was completely forgotten.

And we rocked that chopper all the way back to Raccoon City. If I wasn't mistaken, Chris and Jill started getting hot and heavy themselves, but I'm not sure, since I was, ah, distracted. Barry just shrugged and moved into the copilot's seat, gibsmacking Brad with the words, "Eyes on the other wood, chickenheart."

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_Two boinks in. Move forward to Raccoon City incident. She had been there for only one week._

Rebecca sat in the motel, sighing. Masturbation just wasn't cutting it anymore. "I'm so horny... I wish Roy was here..."

Suddenly, there was a disturbance felt in the force...

...Thirty seconds later, her room door was kicked down, and Roy stepped in, wide-eyed and sporting a bulge. "You called?"

'Well... That's convenient.'

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Back in Raccoon city... Leon was currently balls-deep in Claire, when he suddenly felt a disturbance in the force.

"Someone... Is getting it on even harder than us."

Claire sat up, her hair a complete mess, sticking up at odd angles, looking a little loopy. "Really? Where? Let's go join 'em! Woohoo, foursome!"

...

Jill Valentine suddenly stepped into the STARS office, in her RE3 hooker outfit.

"Did someone say foursome? Or did you mean threesome?"

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_Fast forward six years later._

Rebecca was lying in bed, wishing Roy would hurry up with his mission and come home... She'd already drained the batteries of the toy he got her for when he was needed out of the state.

"Damnit... Roy... I need you..."

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

In the cabin, Roy, Leon, and Luis were fighting off the evil ganado hordes. Quite suddenly, Roy stopped moving, going ramrod straight.

"I'm needed elsewhere... Keep them engaged until I return." (If you recognise where this is from, brownie points to you)

He turned and ran, jumping through the window and killing anything in his way, as he ran like hell.

"Where the fuck's he going?!" Luis shouted, whereas Leon suddenly adopted the same ramrod-straight stance Roy had just experienced.

"Pervert senses... Tingling... Rebecca and Claire are both horny. Sorry, mate, you're on your own. I'll be back soon!" Leon then jumped out the same window, following the tail of fire Roy had left in his wake.

"...Fucking americans..."

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_One year later... 2005... The incident which changed Roy and Rebecca's relationship forever._

Ugh... Oww...

Wha...?

Rebecca raised her head, looking around. The last thing she remembered was someone hitting the back of her head... Hard...

It was dark... But she could make out the figure of someone walking towards her. Someone tall, wearing a dark suit... With blonde hair.

"Hello, Rebecca." With eyes like saucers, she found herself in the presence of Albert Wesker... The smug prick.

"I hope you're enjoying my... Hospitality." Rebecca then noted the heavy chains keeping her tethered to the floor. Lovely, a fucking dungeon.

"Wesker... What the hell do you want?" Her time around Roy had made her bolder, tougher, and far more crass. You'll see.

"Oh, what makes you think I want something from YOU? You're just the bait for my real target... Your beloved boyfriend." She blinked. He was after Roy? Oooh... No one touches HER boyfriend! She smirked.

"Are you suuuure you want him here...? 'Cuz I can have him here in under a minute, kicking your sorry ass."

Wesker raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really? Then do so. I think I'll enjoy this..." He sat back, his smug smirk in place. When suddenly...

"**ROY! I'M HORNY! GET YOUR ASS HERE NOW!**" Wesker was half-deaf, but after he shook the pain from his ears, he glared at the grinning medic.

"...Are you entirely sure you're sane?" She shrugged.

"Nope. But I'm positively sure that Roy's about to bring this place down around your ears. Nice knowing you... Not." She sat back on her haunches, grinning, chuckling darkly...

What was the point of her...

*Bang! Blam! Ka-bow! **KA-THOOOOOMB!***

"What the fuck?!" Wesker turned, and saw the massive, three-foot-thick steel gate that kept this underground test subject area secure. (It was the pit he used to observe tyrants, and was suitably reinforced) The gate... There was a massive dent in it. With another earth-shattering ***BOOM!*** A second dent appeared, followed by two... Three... Five more...

Wesker was standing there, agape, wondering what in the hell could do this... When the gate was struck once more, and started tumbling down...

Revealing a _VERY _pissed-off Roy.

*Beat*

...With a boner.

'I am _so screwed..._' Were the final coherent thoughts of Rebecca and Wesker both.

**OMAKE END!**

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"The beauty of the 2nd Amendment is that it will not be needed untill they try to take it." ...Thomas Jefferson


	54. Chapter 53 Casual Badass

**Waking Death**

The Rescuers

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid suicidal motherfuckers. **_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

#53 Wham-bam-thank-you ma'am! Ain't too much goin' on here, folks. Just an epic fight, some funny banter, and a meeting with the REAL Ashley Graham.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

After I had finished chuckling, I hopped into the tiny boat, holding it steady for Leon to climb onto, before he started the motor and off we went, heading for the merchant.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

A short boat ride later, we both hopped off, and looked around the underground dock. I figured having a grenade launcher would be enough to deal with el fuck-ugly, so I passed on picking up an RPG. Those fuckers are heavy and cumbersome, besides.

I started moving to the right, ignoring the mini-shack on our left. Leon looked at it for a moment, before following my lead. I grabbed the steel ladder and started climbing, Gears-style.

Once up top, I walked over and opened the double doors, waiting for Leon to catch up. Once he did, we went through, shutting them behind us.

Leon looked up, before saying, "Isn't this the way we already went through?"

"Uh-huh. The Dev Team was feeling lazy."

*Beat*

"Wait, what?" In response, I chuckled.

"Nothing, Rookie. Inside joke."

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Well, I walked up the short stair, turned left, and wondered how I'd deal with El Gigante...

Hm. Well, he can't be much tougher than Nemesis... Since the fucker had a rocket launcher, I suppose that's not an even comparison. Hm.

I kept moving, already pulling a 40mm grenade from my belt, loading my '203. Leon noticed this, and I heard him gulp. He's starting to pick up on my mannerisms.

As he, too, entered, the gates above our heads, and over the exit came down, blocking our exit. (Not really. The bottom had three-foot gaps a full-grown man could easily crawl through)

And we then saw a group of ganados dragging a large rope through a different set of gates, pulling something... Huge.

As they worked, I snarked to Leon.

"Alright, we get back, we're discussing some serious hazard pay with the president."

"...Agreed."

After a few moments more, (I checked my watch twice, tawned three times, and was able to do a full stretching routine before they got the bastard out) El Gigante came out, smashing the gates down.

"...I've got fifty on the big, dumb, ugly one."

"I'll take that and raise you ten." Once again, our long-time habit of playing cards with the Redfields shined through. Myself, Rebecca, Leon, Jill, Claire and Chris would gather at least once a month to play cards for the night, usually texas hold'em, crazy eights, Uno, and once in a blue moon, strip poker. It's the one night that Chris and myself are amicable, without him threatening to maim me every other sentence.

Anywho, after the giant finished slaughtering the poor villagers, it turned it's attention to us...

It came straight at us, swinging it's arm in an uppercut that would send a Mustang flying. But me? No... I decided to be a dick, and test out my full strength.

As Leon backflipped out of the way, I raised an arm...

As El Gigante's fist connected with my palm, I braced myself, and found myself skidding back through the dirt, my heels firmly dug in. I slid back a good four feet, and not an inch further. Felt like an extreme strain on my entire body, but it held. Fuck, I was hurting all over. Every muscle in my body felt like it had torn in half... But I was still standing. Good enough.

"...Is that all ya got?" My cocky smartass attitude reared it's snarky head, and right here, right now, I just punched out Cthulhu. Or busted my hand punching out Cthulu's ugly cousin, in this case.

I'd already slung my rifle on my back, reared back, and gave the giant fucker a haymaker what would give Chris a run for his money. (Boulder...PUNCH!)

Okay, I basically just punched the fuck out of his fist. I played bloody knuckles with a giant. ...Still fucking awesome. Felt like my own knuckles cracked, but the pain faded within moments.

He flinched back, shaking out his hand, growling. While the monster was busy making noise, I unslung my rifle, bringing it to my soulder.

"Bang." I tugged the trigger, peppering the beast with a full mag, once it went click, I switched my grip, firing the launcher.

It was lucky, since the monster raised it's hand, keeping the grenade form connecting with his forehead. Instead, he lost his hand as the HE round detonated.

"**GRRAAAAAAUGH!" **...Ooogh, damn that fucker is loud! Fucking ears are ringing... It held it's bloody stump, blood spurting out in quarts. I was annoyed that the thing's plaga hadn't come out yet.

As I reloaded my launcher, I heard gunshots behind me. Leon was finally getting into the swing of things, distracting the monster. He was a better shot than I give him credit for, since he got El Gigante's eyes with a few rounds. Which in turn made the enraged giant flail about, blinded by lead.

I hopped backwards, reloading and aiming in the same motion. I squeezed the trigger again, blasting the already-fucked arm with more brass. After another mag emptied, something happened.

El Gigante convulsed, dropping to it's knees, cradling his head. I saw something...

At the base of his neck, a massive scar opened up, a large, writhing... Thing, plaga, coming out, blood and fluids flying.

I adjusted my aim, and fired the launcher, blowing the creature's weakest point clean off. (What? Were you expecting me to go run up and rip it off? Pshh... Cliche)

The monster roared, stumbling to it's feet, taking a few wobbly steps, and collapsed, flat on his face, shaking the earth beneath our boots. Heh.

I reloaded, turning around with a smirk.

"Fuck, yeah." Leon stared at me, blinking. All that was missing was an explosion and _"To Be Loved" (Papa Roach) _playing in the background. (Or maybe _Harder Than a Coffin Nail. Bulletproof? Adrenaline? Anger Cage? Sin With a Grin? This Fire Burns? Smoke on the Water? Riot? Dehumanized? This Moment? Invincible? New Divide? Given Up? Worth Dying For? Scream Now? Never Turn Back? Fading Away? I Want my Tears Back?_

_**Shit, I've got a metric fuckton of songs that would fit this situation. And the first person who can list ALL the artists of the songs mentioned here will win a prize! Yes, I will reward people for being music geeks with similar tastes to my own. And I still like Carrie Underwood, so screw you!) **_

"...Why didn't you just come and do this mission by yourself, Rambo?" I shrugged.

" 'Cuz I need your sorry ass to carry the girl, mister ladies' man. Unlike you, I can't be badass with a dumb blonde on my arm, Mr Bond."

...His eye twitched. "Whatever, ya fucking terminator."

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

A few moments later, the gates lifted, and we started leaving the area. I took point, as usual. I still didn't like crossing the scaffolding, but I made it across without incident. On the other side, we were immediately ambushed by several dogs. Plaga-infected dogs.

...Fuck. Me. I hate dogs. (Fuck you, Scooby-Doo!)

The first of the hairy fuckers growled and dashed towards us, jumped and lunged...

Only to be caught by the throat mere inches from my own. The rabid mammal twisted, scrabbled, snarled and squirmed, trying to get free.

With casual disinterest, I reached behind it's head with my other hand, grasped the back of it's skull, and twisted.

*Snap-crack-quelrchh*

And snapped it's neck. As I dropped the now-dead dog to the ground, I drew Sarah from my holster and pulled my 'hawk in my other hand.

Fuck 'em.

Two more dogs came at us, angered by the death of one of their own.

Leon fired on one with his rifle, whereas the other one came right at me.

I riased my gun, firing, catching it in one of its legs and chest, before swinging my axe once it was in range.

The blade hacked through the top of its skull, knocking the airborne canine to the ground, limp. And dead.

The other one was already on the ground, having been stitched from ear to ass with 5.56 by my blonde partner.

As he reloaded and I replaced my axe, we both made our way up the hill and around the wall, before walking up the stairs and he placed the round insignia in the church door.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

We both stepped inside, myself sweeping left, Leon sweeping right.

"Clear. Shit, this looks just like the cathedral my neighboor goes to..." Leon observed, taking note of the Los Illuminados insignias everywhere. Even in the stained glass windows.

I chuckled before commenting, "Yeah, and Claire's eventually gonna drag you into one just like it, before Chris drags you into a morgue." Leon glared at me, responding with,

"What makes you think Chris has anything against me?"

I laughed outright. "You're fucking his sister, mate! When he finds out how many times you've screwed Red, he's gonna put twice as many screws in your legs!"

Leon started grumbling about how I was all too happy in the knowledge that Chris is gonna murder him when he finds out he's more than 'just friends' with Claire.

"And just how the hell did you find out? If we were able to keep Chris of all people from picking up on it, when did you?" He shot back, scanning the upper floor.

I grinned, chuckling. "That, my friend, is a secret I am only going to reveal when you and both Redfields are present. Preferably with a medic on standby, after you and Claire have a sit-down with her brother."

Leon started grumbling again as we split up, and started searching for Ashley.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_"I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail."_

— **Abraham Maslow**

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_"Holy crap! They TALK! They actually __**TALK!**__ The Apocalypse has finally begun! Pigs are learning how to fly! Satan is skating to work, and I'm pretty sure that I just became a monkey's uncle!"_

— The Nostalgia Critic, upon hearing Tom & Jerry talking during his review of their Big Damn Movie.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**Holy flippity flying flubber-fluttering fuckin' shit, fatman! I have over 6,000 views! Before Christmas! Sweety, jumpin' jimminey Jehova's Witnesses! THANK YOU!**_

_**Awesomesauce! This means more omakes! ...And hopefully better ones than the two shitty jokes I had last time. Welly, well well welp. All I can say, is expect more badassery, from both Roy AND Leon. Believe you me, he will have his moments.**_

_**And yes, there will be more funny. Much, more funny. Let it be said that none of you will ever look at Ramon Salazar the same way again... EVER.**_

_**And yes, my Ashley is a bit... Different. There will be no damsels in my stories, damnit!**_

_**Amen, hallelujah, peanut butter.**_


	55. Chapter 54 Damsel not quite in Distress

**Waking Death**

The Rescuers

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid suicidal motherfuckers. **_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

#54 Sur-prise!

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

We started searching, Leon checking the bottom floor while I ascended the ladder.

When I found the gate, I called out, "Oy, Leon, I think I've found where they've got the girl."

Within moments, I heard him climbing up the ladder and stepping up next to me.

He whistled, stating the obvious. "Well, I'd say that merits a closer look. You see a way to get it open?"

I looked around briefly. "Depends. You wanna get it done quickly or quietly?" He shrugged.

"We've already been shooting shit left and right. I'd say stealth is already out the window."

I grinned. "Alrighty, then. Cover your ears."

With unimaginable glee, I grabbed the lowest bars of the drop-down gate and started pulling straight up.

There was an ear-rending screech as the gears struggled to slow me down, before the internal blocks snapped. The mechanism keeping the gate shut broke loose, and lifting it the rest of the way up took no effort.

I held it up high and side-stpped out of the way, doing a half-bow and swinging my arm towards the door.

"After you, Mr Bond." Of course, his eye twitched, but he kept the joke going.

"Why thank you, Mr Schwarzennegger." He stepped around and past me, taking position next to the door. I stepped out from under the gate and dropped it, ignoring the clanging sound as it collided with the floor.

I stepped right up to the door, grasping the handle.

"I'll breach, you clear." He nodded, and readied himself.

"Three, two, one, go!" I threw the door open, waited half a second, turned and walked inside, sweeping my gun left, before lowering it.

"Fuck off! Ngh!"

...Just as a bit of wood connected with Leon's crotch. Swung by one Ashley Graham.

"Agh!" He doubled over and cradled his sore bollocks as I busted out laughing, just as she turned and swung the same 2x4 at me.

Of course, I wasn't about to let a schoolgirl clock my cock with a bit of wood, and I easily caught it.

"Easy, lass!"

"Fuck you! Go choke on a dick!"

... Oookay. Definately not the same girl as in RE4. This one was spunky, decked out in baggy cargo pants, combat boots, and hoodie, with dark hair. Not to mention a few choice piercings. Snakebite, two rings in each ear, and one in her left eyebrow.

"The president sent us." She immediately stopped growling.

"My dad?"

Of course... "Nooo... The president of Umbrella. Of course your father sent us!" Leon's inner snarky git spoke up, halfway growling. I was still chuckling at the newest injury to his pride.

"Whoops. Sorry."

He forced himself to his feet, looking slightly green. "Yeah, yeah, just save that for the ganados."

Still chuckling, I asked him, "You a'ight, mate? Looks like you aren't much of a ladies' man after all." He turned his head and glared at me.

"...You are so dead."

I laughed outright. "Yeah, yeah, mate, join the bloody que. So Ashley, you good to go?" She nodded, standing there with a hand on her hip.

"Ready to get the hell out of here. They've had me locked in this closet for ages."

I looked at Leon. "You alright, Leon, or d'ya want Ashley to carry your candy ass?"

He immediately growled and brought himself up to his full height. He's about as tall as I, but not quiet as muscular. Hell, he might be an inch taller than me. I'm not sure. "I'm fine. Now are you done mocking me, or can we leave now?"

I chuckled. "Just making sure you aren't going to slow us down, Mr Bond. I thought I told you to start wearing a cup on ops. Hell, I distinctly remember Claire telling you to wear one." ...That was one of her more sultry goodbyes. It was a damn good thing I was there, or Chris would've seen the steamy liplock they shared as she squeezed the blonde man's junk.

Leon shifted uncomfortably. "Would you stop worrying yourself over my balls? It's more than a little creepy."

"Hah! I'm just looking out for a mate. Besides, your girlfriend threatened to murder me if you couldn't give her a kid. Said you were my responsibility on the job."

Oddly enough, he blinked, and sighed. "Damnit, she's worse than my own mother..."

I clapped him on the shoulder reassuringly. "That's not entirely a bad thing. Least she won't mind cooking for ya!"

He stopped dead and stared at me. "But you're the one who gave her the nickname Microwave Queen. She's a worse cook than my sister!"

...Both of us shuddered at that thought, remembering the time his family came to visit. Not a pleasant experience. Oddly enough, Rebecca loved the food. Myself and Leon pawned most of ours onto her. She waddled for the rest of the day.

Ashley brought us back from memory lane. "Would you two care to have your lovers-in-denial quarrel later? Preferably when we're safe?" ...Whoops. Told off by the damsel in distress.

"Yeah, yeah, kid. Basics; stay behind us, do exactly what we say, when we say it, no matter how wierd. If we disagree, do as I say and let me worry about blondie here. Oh yeah. Names and faces... My name's Roy Mustang, mercenary extraordinair, survivor of the Spencer Estate, Marcus' Lab, and Raccoon City. Nice ta meetcha'." I stuck out my hand, which she took after a moment.

Leon spoke up after giving me a halfhearted glare. "Name's Leon S. Kennedy, I'm your family's new bodyguard. Secret service agent, and as he stated, survivor of the Raccoon City incident."

Ashley raised an eyebrow. "Two survivors of that fiasco? Is there a reason my old man chose you, or did you volunteer?"

Leon shrugged. "They press-ganged me into becoming an agent right after I escaped the city. My partner volunteered for this suicide mission."

I cut in with, "By the way, this is his first official mission. The other was..." I looked at him. "Was that thing with Krauser supposed to be a training mission, reconnaissance or some other kinda bullshit?"

He shrugged. "I was only halfway through my training. I suppose they thought since I survived Raccoon, dealing with a second, smaller outbreak would be a cakewalk."

I turned back to the girl. "Right. Well, then this is only his second mission. Be gentle with him."

She giggled at Leon's expression, and he came back with, "Ignore my idiotic partner. He's not as dumb as he sounds. Or looks. At least he can shoot a gun."

Leon then went to contact our handler, I leaned closer to Ashley and whispered, "He's just pissed that I ruined his self-image of a badass Casanova. Don't tell him I told ya this, but he's the closest thing to a real-life James Bond you'll ever find."

She raised an eyebrow. "Is that why you called him mister Bond earlier?"

I grinned. "Nah, his girlfriend called him a poor man's James Bond. It stuck like a coat of paint. She said I'm a discount Rambo, which is pretty damn accurate."

Again, with the quirked eyebrow. "That explains all the weapons. You look like a one-man army."

"One-man army? Hah! Little girl, I am a walkin', talkin' killin' machine. The only thing more dangerous than myself is a bloody nuke. Even then, they're nowhere near as precise."

She scoffed. "Now you're just boasting. You're all talk."

My grin turned macabre. "Watch me."

Leon finally made contact. "_Leon? Is that you? Have you found the girl?_"

"Yeah, Hunnigan, we've got her. She's alright, so send the chopper. We'll get the the extraction asap."

"_Good work, Leon. They're gonna have one hell of a party for you when you get back._"

"Heh. Sounds good. Tell 'em not to forget the pizza."

I cut in. "And the strippers! We expect poledancers upon our arrival! In fact, I want a lapdance from you, Honeybun!" Of course, I mimicked Leon's voice when I said it.

Hunnigan blanched, staring at Leon, who was blushing. "That wasn't me!"

"Yes it was! Stop arguing with yourself!" My god... The _look _on Honeybun's face was priceless.

"_Leon, tell your... Partner, that the celebration is for government employees only._"

'_Dear god, his talents are endless. If he only put them to good use, he would be unstoppable... Then again... He'd only abuse that kind of power for his amusement...' Hunnigan thought,_

I was laughing outright, whereas the gov't employees were mortified. Ashley was laughing right along with me, thinking that tonight might not be so bad. At least she'd have plenty of entertainment.

Leon hung up his radio, turned and glared at me, his cheeks bright red.

"Oh, come on, Leon. You know you'd enjoy a lapdance from Heinneken."

He opened his mouth to protest, but quickly shut it. He had no comment.

"Thought so. Don't worry, I'm not telling Claire. I don't wanna be your paulbearer just yet."

Once again, Leon was left speechless, the angrish setting in. But having both Roy and Ashley laughing at his expense wasn't helping matters.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Well, humor done and over with, I lead the way out the door, and held the gate up. Leon passed under without comment, whereas Ashley looked on with fascination and awe.

...For a second, before scampering under it and not giving another thought to the matter. Eh, some people just can't be impressed.

I moved over and joined them at the ladder, where Leon took the lead, sliding down. Askley followed, with an over-enthusiastic "Whee!"

...Really?

Eh, fuck it. I jumped down, landing in a crouch. I stood, and the three of us started moving through the pews. Of course...

"I'll take the girl."

I turned and looked at the old man. I was about to make a smartalec retort when Ashley beat me to it.

"Eew. Creepy old pedophile, much? No thanks. Keep your wrinkled old dick to yourself."

Hah! "Nice. So, you must be Osmund Saddler... Well, I'm afraid it's past her bedtime, so we must be getting her home. I'd appreciate it if you didn't try to stop us, or even better, take your plagas back."

The old man blinked. "You know of the eggs? Well... It seems the Americans are better informed than I thought."

"Obviously... " Leon kept his gun trained on the old bastard, whereas Ashley staybed behind him. I merely drew my 'hawk in one hand, and pulled Sarah with the other.

"Now, I'm only going to say this once. You're going to sod off and let us go. Otherwise, I am going to _skullfuck_ every last one of you miserable little shits. This is your only warning; Fuck off."

The old shit's response? "...I think not." The doors to the church burst open, and in stepped two goons with crossbows.

"Leon." He glanced at me. "Get her out of here." I didn't need to say anything else.

Leon immediately grabbed Ashley's hand and started running for the nearest window, whereas I spun and threw my axe, raising my gun in the same motion.

The axe collided with the first monk's head, splitting it open, while I shot the second one in the crotch, heart, and between the eyes.

The moment I saw him crumple, I spun and threw myself in the direction I'd just been facing, just barely avoiding a fairly nasty tentacle-looking thing.

Landing on my back, I rolled with the impact, bringing myself back to my feet, gun aimed at the smiling old man.

"Keep your tentacle to yourself, you hentai freak!" I had twelve shots... And killing him here could prove disastrous. Hmm.

Ignoring Saddler for now, I dashed over to where the dead goons were, snatched my axe from where it was embedded in the door, turned, and ran like mad for the broken window.

I sensed the old bastard getting close to me. I threw myself through the air, turning, and aiming for his face as I fell outside.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

**KA-THUNK! BANG-BANG-BANG!**

Pause.

**BANG-BLAM-POW! **

They saw something flying through the air, through the same window they'd jumped out of a few moments ago...And Roy landed unceremoniously on his back, colliding with the cold, wet cobblestones.

He sat up and stood, brushing glass fragments from his back. "Well, that was fun... Leon, Ash, you two alright?"

Leon nodded, looking fine. He was already by the door, unlocking it. Ashley replied, "Yeah, just a few scrapes."

Roy nodded, reached into his bag, and pulled something baseball-sized out. "This'll teach that old cock not to fuck with America..."

He did something to it, and threw it up, through the window he'd just made a hasty exit through.

Turning, he said, "Right, let's go."

Leon nor Roy so much as flinched when the loudest noise Ashley had ever heard shook her body to it's very core.

**KA-THOOMB!**

...

Her ears were ringing and she felt unsteady on her feet, but she then knew what he'd thrown. A fucking grenade.

"Gah, you could've warned me you were throwing bombs around!" The big man shrugged.

"Didn't wanna warn the bastard. C'mon, you'll get used to it eventually. Stay behind us no matter what. Oh yeah..."

He reached behind himself, fumbled around for a moment, and pulled out a pistol. It was different from the one he had on his leg; small, black, box-ish. Ashley recognised it as the same kind the other Secret Service guys carried, a Glock.

" 'Ere. You know how to shoot a gun, right?" He held it out to her, grip-first.

"Point and pull the trigger, right?" She took it, nodding, remembering not to point it at him. He immediately chastised her anyway.

"Oy, oy! Finger off the trigger until you're gonna shoot someone. That's a Glock 19, 9mm. You've got fifteen shots per mag, try to remember that. There is no safety, so just point and shoot. Don't use it until you have to, alright? And don't jerk the trigger. Squeeze it. That way you'll actually hit something."

It was annoying, being treated like an idiot. But he told her regardless, saying it's good to have important information pounded into your skull with a sledgehammer. You remember things that annoy you.

"And hold it with both hands. Like this." He showed her. It was different than the way she'd seen in movies... Even different from the way the SS guys held their guns. But it was very comfortable. "And when the gun's empty, the slide will stay back. Drop the mag, pocket it, load a new one, and rack the slide. Don't bother with the slidestop, a'ight?" Ashley nodded, taking this in. All basic stuff that she already knew, aside from the grip and slide, but she knew she was getting a crash course in how to kill, so she didn't bother complaining.

"If you have to shoot someone, aim for the body or legs. Kill or incapacitate. Don't try for headshots, you'll just waste ammo. Anything you've seen in movies, on TV, or in video games is bullshit. When you aim, focus on the target and your front sight post. Line the sights up so they're flat on top, and put your target on top of the center post. Pull the trigger till they hit the dirt. You got all that?"

"Aim for the chest, front sight post, keep spent clips, rack the slide, hold it with both hands, finger off the trigger, squeeze don't jerk. That about it?" The guy smiled. A genuinely nice smile. She figured he didn't show it too often.

"Good. Now here," Once more, he reached into his bag and pulled out something. Several somethings. "You'll need more than one mag. Keep 'em in your pockets." He handed her six black, rectangular box-like things, made of polymer.

They were kinda heavy, and weighed her pants down. She was suddenly very glad she wore a belt that day she'd been taken. At least she wouldn't have her pants falling down in front of two hot guys.

The big one with the untraceable accent, Roy, was big, muscled, manly. A Man's man, who practically looked like a soldier. He wasn't kidding when he said he was a Rambo knock-off; he looked the part of a SpecFor, and judging from some of the scars she'd seen, he lived it, too. He was handsome, but rough. Smelled like he wore a bit of Aqua Velva. His personality was hard to decipher... Playful and childish, but there was a very intelligent man under that mask. If Ashley had to guess, he was probably a genius who hid his true potential.

Now Leon... He was definately a Ladies' Man. Tall, handsome, and... Well, pretty. Almost feminine, if not for the rippling muscles under his shirt. He was obviously very fit, and looked like an athlete. Unlike Roy, he wasn't bulked out, but looked fairly strong. Perhaps he did gymnastics. He carried similar equipment to Roy, but he didn't have a shotgun or axe. He also didn't have a jacket, but wore short sleeves. Between the two, he was more of a gentleman, whereas his partner was very crude. But he didn't seem to mind very much, seeing as the two of them seemed to get along just fine. He was a deadpan snarker if nothing else, but she'd guess he's a pretty good shot if her father sent him. If this were a movie, she'd classify Leon as the straight guy, and Roy as the reckless maverick who lacked any form of tact whatsoever.

They were both pretty hot... They both had bodies that would make the Statue of David envious. And Roy's accent was just, oooh! So cute! But Leon... Jesus, he had an ass that would make a nun squeel. Hm. He has a girlfriend, according to Roy. I wonder if the big guy has a girlfriend, too...

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

**Back to Roy's perspective**

"Right. Leon, you stick close to the deadweight. I'll handle the gruntwork." He nodded, twisting the doorknob. As he pushed the door open, I stepped out, raising my rifle and sweeping right, then left.

"Contacts up ahead. Move up."

Leon waved Ashley closer, and I moved further ahead. I stopped at the gate, and held up a fist.

"Hold up. I'll deal with these guys." I readied my rifle, checked chamber, slapped the forward assist, and grinned.

"Time to go to work."

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

First thing I did. I ran forward, raised my boot, and gave the wagon loaded with barrels of gunpower an almighty kick, sending it careening downhill, toppling several ganados.

I moved quickly, guesstimating a headcount. 'Bout seventeen. Which is to say, about a million too few. Guess I can afford to get... Creative.

I raised my gun and fired the launcher, blasting the crashed half-dozen kegs of gunpowder. I wasn't sure why they had all that at the top of the hill, but I wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. Now, since it was raining, it would take a helluva flame to set off the stuff. And even then, there's no garuntee it'll work.

However... Since I set off an explosive right on top of several barrels of explosives, the rain didn't matter. It got the desired effect.

One. Huge. Bang.

**KA-THOOMB!**

Hot damn! Felt like thunder! I dashed forward, towards the melee. Only eight of the villagers were still alive, and only three still standing. Which is eight too many to let live.

"**OORAH!**" I kicked the closest one, sending him alllll the way back and crashing into the wooden shack at the bottom of the hill, most certainly dead from the impact. I turned and raised my rifle, aiming towards my next victim.

Bang! Bang-Pow! One more dead. I snapped my rifle towards the next, and the next.

Five more shots, and only six living... Undead, remained. Four of which were still on the ground, two shakily standing.

I shouldered my rifle, aimed, and blasted the nearest one in the leg. Slinging my rifle, I ran forward, towards the further one, pulling my knife.

When I got close enough, I clotheslined him, before turning and letting myself fall...

Slamming the now-dead motherfucker with a bone-shattering elbow-drop. Tuck, roll, hop, and bam, I was on my feet, running towards the guy who's leg I'd shot. He was still on his knee, so I pulled my axe, reared back, and lopped his whole bloody head off.

...Bad move. The plaga asploded out, splattering me with gore. I seized the thing before the tentacle came out, tugged the whole ganado upwards, and hacked at it with my tomahawk. Once, twice, and it, too, was severed at the neck.

I tossed the severed plaga aside, turned, and observed the battlefield...

...Four left... All on the ground... Fuck. No challenge. No threat. No fun. Fuck 'em.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Ashley watched on in horror, no, in awestruck fascination, at the sheer prescision, skill, and brutality with which Roy displayed the application of violence.

"...He sure doesnt do anything halfway, does he?" She asked, as she watched Roy shoot each of the fallen villagers in the head. Several times.

"No, he doesn't. Heh, you think this is brutal? You should've seen what he did in Raccoon. He went toe-to-toe with _real_ monsters. And some of the things we faced back then... These knock-off B-horror movie flunkies are nothing. He wrestled a forty-foot crocodile and stabbed the thing with one of its own teeth. He's a real-life Rambo, one who Macguyvers his way through Hell and back, relying only on his own strength and wits. Before we left, his last words to Rebecca were 'I don't need luck; I have ammo.' "

Ashley blinked, before saying, "Well... He seems reliable, at least." Leon snorted.

"Believe me, he is. He's the type who won't give up until he's dead. And even then, I don't think that would ever truly stop him. I've watched him die no less than three times, and he always showed up hearty and hale within the hour, making some snarky comment. Frankly, I don't think he knows _how_ to die. To this day, he's fond of saying _'There is no fate but what we make_.' "

"...So he's a fan of Terminator. Somehow, I'm not surprised. And who's Rebecca?"

"His... Girlfriend, partner, roommate? Whatever you'd call the girl he's lived and slept with for years, but has yet to marry."

Ashley blinked. So he did have a girlfriend. Ah, nuts.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_"When you sit with a nice girl for two hours it seems like two minutes.  
When you sit on a hot stove for two minutes, it seems like two hours,  
that's relativity_." -Albert Einstein

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**"I will fight. I will kill. And I will win! I will survive, no matter what my opposition, no matter what stands in my way, no matter how many times I fall! I will move ever onward, to tomorrow! Until the day my heart stops, until the day my mind breaks, until the day my body gives out, I will NEVER give up! Not here, not now, not EVER!" -MY New Year's Revolution!**_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**YIPPIE-KAI-YAY MOTHERFUCKER! HAPPY NEW YEARS! WE ARE NOW IN THE YEAR 2013! AND WE'RE NOT ALL DEAD! OORAH! That is a victory to me! Fuck you, Mayan bastards! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahah aaaa! Expect more from Waking Death this coming January, for I have... NOTHING BETTER TO DO! ...Besides my Naruto fics. **_

_**Speaking of which... GO CHECK THEM OUT! Naruto; What If is one of my best works! And yet I have so few readers! I swear to crap, it is! Go read it! RIGHT FUCKING NOW!**_

_**Why? 'CUZ I FUCKING SAID SO! NOW MOVE IT! AND HAVE A GREAT YEAR! OORAH, SEMPER FIDELIS, MY BROTHERS!**_


	56. Chapter 55 Deus Ex Machinocide

**Waking Death**

The Rescuers

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid suicidal motherfuckers. **_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

#55 Whatever you do, don't let him get ahold of your tibia. You don't wanna know what he'll do with it.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

After I finished gutting the few remaining ganados, I stood up and wiped the gore from my face and holstered my tomahawk. I flicked a glance towards where Leon and the girl were watching, and waved them up.

Once they were on their feet, I turned and started towards the mausoleum that contained the hidden tunnel. Didn't feel like waiting around in a cemetary that just got a few more residents.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

After I hopped down into the tunnel and waited a minute, the other two joined me, Ashley on my heels and Leon covering our rear.

I lead the first few steps, shoved the iron door open and aimed straight ahead.

" 'Ello." I blinked. Ah, right. Merchant. Mark.

...Really?

"Er, hey, Mark."

"Yah need anyfing?" I thought for a moment. Hmm... Nah.

"Nothing, for the moment. Though that might change soon. Good seein' ya, mate." I gave a half-assed left-hand salute and kept moving through the tunnel. Guy's not half-bad, but he has a wierd accent.(Completely. Fucking. Deadpan)

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

After we legged it through the dark tunnel and up the ladder, I lead the other two into the main room of the house. I double-checked my rifle. In the few moments myself and Leon were checking our shit, Ashley started humming a tune.

...

Frontlines, by Pillar. How fitting.

"Oh, not you, too." Leon growled, looking melancholy. Heheheh, he's more of a Shinedown kinda guy. Though he actually likes Disturbed, which is surprising, to say the least. No surprise at all, but he loves Course of Nature. Then again, so do I.

I chuckled. "Don't mind him, Ash. He's just more in the mood for a bit of Nightwish."

Ashley stopped humming. "I know a few of their songs too, if you'd prefer."

I blinked. Then grinned. "My kinda girl. What've you got in mind?"

...My god, she started singing End of All Hope. Marry me, oh great goth goddess of dark metal!

...Knowing that Leon doesn't care for Nightwish, I made sure to fish for that band, but hot- damn! She can sing...

...Of course, I was all fired up since I'd have a bit of badass music playing. Or at least the vocals. Heheh.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

With a grin more macabre than a chainsaw-wielding texan with a sack on his head, I walked over to the door and raised my boot.

"Alright! Let's KICK SOME ASS!"

And kicked down the door, rushing outside, ready to tear soem shit up!

First thing I did; turn left, raise my rifle, and slot the bastard hiding between the house and the bin. Turning to my right, I aimed for the three approaching ganados as they shouted.

"There he is! Kill him! For Lord Saddler!"(Spanish)

...Three shots later, and there were three more corpses for me to trip over while I make more.

'Four more targets...'

Moving quickly, I hopped the waist-high fence by the two-story house, moving quickly, letting my eyes adjust to the darkness.

"Guraargh!"

I raised my left arm in time and blocked, just as a woman in a horrendous yellow blouse swung at me with a knife. Feeling kinda ticked off, I jammed my rifle right under her chin.

"Eat this." BANG!

...And it was a good thing I leaned back, since her head fairly exploded. No plaga though. Lucky days. For once I killed someone in a completely brutal, gorey, horrible way that didn't end with me covered in the guts I tore out. Yay.

Turning around, I swiped the butt of my rifle into some poor bastard's temple, knocking him to the ground and against the shack next to us.

Taking the initiate, I reached down and grabbed him round the neck, lifting him up, and charging forward and to the left, up the path.

The moment I was within range, I reared back and slung the villager by the scruff of his neck, knocking down the two other ganados who had been guarding the path to the farm.

Once they were on the ground in a heap, I pulled my gun to my shoulder, and flicked the fire-selector onto Full-Auto.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Once that was doen and over with, Leon and Ashley caught up with me, her having stopped with the last song and was currently humming the melody of Dead to the World.

...I love this girl.

After opening the gate to the farm, I checked left, then right, before moving up and taking a knee next to the dumpster.

"Right. Leon, you stay here, Ashley, you hide in the dumpster."

...

"Oh, fuck that." Well, guess she's not a blonde after all. Leon just glared at me. Eh, no pleasing people.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"Well, we've got eight contacts. One in the barn, two on the catwalk, two under it, one by the gate, two in the farmhouse. Leon, you got a cunning plan, or should I just go with the usual FSU?"

Leon shrugged. "Isn't like you need my help."

Ashley stopped humming and piped up, "FSU? Whazzat?"

I grinned. "My specialty. Fuck. Shit. Up."

Grinning, I handed her my rifle and stood up, calmly walking towards the group of not-zombies.

Just as they started shouting and pointing, I drew my tomahawk in my right hand, and shouted, "C'MON! THE RED DEATH COMES!"

...You can guess that things really degenerated from there.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

**From Ashley's point of view...**

As I watched the scene unfold, I gasped as something bounced along the ground and came to a stop nearby. "Eugh... Was that his _arm?_" Leon just nodded with casual disinterest.

"Uh-huh. Just wait till he gets ahold of someone's spine. 'Cuz when he starts swinging one of those around, things get messy."

As I noticed Roy doing something... Particularly brutal, there was a very loud, wet, ripping noise, followed by several dull thumps and cracks. "...Uhh..."

Leon didn't even look. He just sighed, and said, "He just ripped someone's leg off and started beating them with it, didn't he?"

"...Not his leg." Leon turned and briefly observed just what Roy was beating people with.

"Oh, good lord, he's gotten _two _spines. They're doomed."

"...Does he do this often?"

Leon simply pulled out an ipod. "Often enough that I like to bring something to keep myself occupied while he goes on a killing spree."

"...Got any Nickelback?"

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

**Back to Roy's perspective**

Well, after I got myself a good workout, I wiped the blood from my face and whistled. "C'mon, let's get moving."

...They didn't react. So I walked over, and found both of them sitting there listening to an ipod. Fucking lovely...

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

I got their attention, and we went over to the extra-large gate. I boosted Leon up and over, before he unlocked the gate and let us through. On the other side, I heard something. Something distinct. A chopping sound.

Like something swooshing through the air at great speed.

Like...

...A helicopter. Hm.

Within moments, we heard both of our radios going off. Leon pulled an earpiece off his belt and plugged in, listening.

"_Hey! You guys call for a taxi?_" The voice was male, roughly mid-western accent.

I grinned, as did Leon, as he responded. "Nah, we called for a limo, but you'll do. How far out are you?"

"_Oh..._" We were buffeted by a strong gust of wind, as the silhouette of a huey rose up over the nearby trees, blowing them halfway over. "_...Not far. I'll see if I can set down in a clearing on the other side of that bridge._"

The chopper started moving, and flew right over us, before it came to a halt and hovered over the cabin.

Leon and Ashley were grinning from ear to ear, jogging across the wooden bridge, and I was wondering what would happen next. I knew we wouldn't be going home...

...Well, when I'm right, I'm right.

***KER-PAUFFFSSSTCH!***

...There was an explosion overhead, eminating from the rear rotors. Within moments, we heard screaming over the radios as the huey started to spin out, coming closer and closer to the ground, until one of the rotors connected...

The whole machine flipped, crashed, and slid through the dirt, coming to a halt roughly fifty feet from the cabin, directly to the left of where we were on the bridge. Ahh, fuck.

"Shit! Damnit!" Leon was hauling ass, whereas Ashley looked starstruck. I pulled her along, and we got to the other side of the bridge.

"Leon! Come take care of the girl! I'll deal with the wreck!" I ran past him, towards the smoldering carcass of the once majestic flying contraption.

When it hit the ground, it got fucked up. Lest the doors were shut. Probably saved whoever was inside. There was a fire near the fuselage. Not good. I double-timed it, and when I got to the thing, I immediately looked into the cockpit.

...No good. The pilot was definately dead, as part of a rotor went through his chest. Fuck.

I moved to my right, grabbed the door, and tore it off, tossing it aside.

Inside... Was mostly intact. Slightly crumpled, but maybe...

There was someone inside. Female. Young. Mocha skin, dark hair. She was lying on the floor of the vehicle, obviously out cold. She was dressed in tac gear, with a rifle slung on her body.

I grabbed her under the shoulders, and dragged her out of the chopper. Once we were five feet away, I knelt and picked her up, slinging her rifle over my shoulder and started carrying her towards Leon and Ashley.

As I moved, I took a closer look.

No obvious injuries, but a small knot on her head. Probably clocked it in the crash. Her gun was a Mk11, a customized AR10 with a scope made for miltary operations. A pretty good DMR. On her right leg was a thigh rig holster, with a Beretta in it. Hm. A sniper, or designated marksman.

"Did anyone survive?" Leon asked, eyeing the girl with worry.

"She's breathing. Pilot's dead. Someone sabotaged the chopper."

"I noticed. Not good."

I nodded. "Very."

Quite suddenly... We heard footsteps. Voices. And we noticed several torchlights on the other side of the bridge we'd just crossed...

"Oh, fuck me..."

Leon sighed. "I can;t take you anywhere, anymore."

...Snarky git.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"Leon, take the girls inside. I'll keep the bastards off our ass." I pawned the KO'd sniper onto Leon, and took my rifle back from Ashley.

As the ganados started filing across the bridge, moaning and groaning, I shouldered my gun.

"Sod off, ya bastards. We're closed!"

Switching my grip, I grasped the magazine, and flicked off the safety of the launcher.

"Ka-boom"

***KA-THOOMB!***

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

The bridge collapsed, burning bits of wood and bodies falling to the valley below. I just completely skipped one of the toughest fights in the game, if you're low on ammo.

Several of the remaining ganados on the other side growled and shouted obscenities. I simply raised an arm and flipped them off, before turning and reloading the M203, heading into the cabin.

Inside, I found Leon standing next to a table, with the passed out girl laying on it. Luis was trying, and failing, at chatting up Ashley.

"Oy, Luis. You alright?"

The spaniard turned, looking puzzled. "How do you know my name?"

I smirked. "Psychic powers..."

He snorted a laugh. "Very funny, amigo. So, they sent three Americans to rescue the President's daughter. You'd think they would send more for something like this."

I shrugged. "Politics. Leon, how's the girl?"

He looked up and shrugged. "Don't know. Won't until she wakes up. If, she wakes up. Might have a concussion, in which case..."

"Stop talking about me like I'm already dead, damnit... Ugh... My head is killing me..." A new voice spoke up, startling Leon and Ashley, as the girl sat up, cradling her forehead.

"Heh. Be glad it's your head and not one of the locals. Headache aside, you feelin' alright, kid?"

She looked up and over at me. "Nah, it feels like I just got cockslapped by King Kong. But nothing broken, I think." She slid off the table, rolling her shoulders.

I chuckled. "Alright. 'Ere, how many fingers am I holding up?" I held up a hand, with three fingers. Then two, then four, in rapid succession.

She held up her hand and flipped me off. " 'Bout this many."

"Hah! Fair enough, lass. What's your name?"

"Shana Avalon, BSAA. My gun?" With a smirk, I handed it to her. Hm. Now where have I heard that before...

Leon cut in. "That knife... You trained under Jack Krauser, didn't you?" He had been eyeing the knife on the girl's thigh; it looked similar to Krauser's, if my memory serves. Oddly enough, it had a small red stone, a ruby, hanging from a chain on the hilt.

The girl, Shana, nodded, looking only slightly surprised.

"Yeah. You're Leon, right? I think he mentioned you once or twice." ...Judging from her smirk, it hadn't been good things.

"...About blondie's undying gay love for his captain, eh?" I sniped, provoking a reaction. Leon blanched, whereas Ashley busted out laughing, and Shana chuckled. Luis merely smirked.

"Something like that."

Leon sighed, feeling much older. '_I'm not going to leave this place with my dignity intact, am I?'_

While this was going on, I took the opportunity to take a closer look at her.

Mocha skin, either natural or just a good tan, I couldn't tell. Multicolored eyes, green and blue. Her hair was jet-black, but had bright, blood red highlights at the tips, hanging well past her shoulders. Hm. Definately not military. The other thing that struck my interest... Was her smell. Not her shampoo or cologne, but... There was something about her... It smelled... Familiar. Like... Family.

Pushing that thought aside for later, I took a closer note of her equipment. She wore a black long-sleeve shirt, but on the shoulders it had the BSAA emblem patches. So that's where she's from. Wonder why she was on a Gov't operation... Ah, well. I'll find out later. She wore black cargo pants and combat boots, along with a tactical vest over her shirt. Several magazine pouches were on it, for both her rifle and handgun. On her belt were several more pouches, as well as a few grenades. I noted that the gun on her leg was a Beretta 92, standard-issue for the BSAA.

At least she was prepared. I also noted a chain necklace around her neck... Whatever was on the end of it was hidden under her shirt. Too thick to be dogtags. And moving on from there... She had a rather nice bust. Large C- or a small D-Cup, even hidden under a vest, they were obvious.

From what I'd seen, she also had a very nice ass, too...

"Hey, if you're gonna stare, you could at least tip." Shit. She's even better at picking up on that than Claire!

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**Ah, yes, my toadies, it is time for you to realise just who Shana is. She is an OC created by Lunar Wolf Fenrir, and is of his design, not mine. I added her into the story at his request for certain arcs, so as to fill in for some parts, and for laughs. So if ya don't like her, bitch at him, not me. I just do what I'm told. I don't even get paid very much. (Conker joke. Gotta love Gregg the Grim Reaper) **_

_**So anywho, she will be apart of Rescuers, and possibly other arcs. She is a BSAA sniper currently on-loan to the US Gov't. She was trained by Krauser in her youth. That's all you need to know for now, so bugger off. The rest will come with time.**_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**When you hear someone complaining, go over and ask them if they want some ant spray. When they ask, "What for?" You reply; "To keep the ants away from your candy ass!"**_


	57. Chapter 56 Lampshade Hanging

**Waking Death**

The Rescuers

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid suicidal motherfuckers. **_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

#56 New character! Yay!

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"Eesh, and I thought Rebecca was snarky about that..." Luis patted my shoulder reassuringly, with a feeling of comraderie.

"Ah, yes, now you know how I feel in the cantina. At least I'm not the only one getting shot down tonight!"

...So it seems the ladies' man isn't all that successful. At least this one isn't.

"...Alright, jokes aside, you good to go, Shana? We can't sit here on our asses all night."

She gave a curt nod. "I'm fine. Hey, did the pilot..."

...At our grim faces, she pulled up short.

"...Damnit. What the hell happened, ayway? Did we get hit?"

I shook my head. "Sabotage. Someone messed with either the rear rotor or the fuselage. Possibly the electricals. Leon?"

He was already reaching for his radio. "On it." He pulled the thing up, and held the button. "Hunnigan, come in."

"_I'm here, Leon. What happened? The chopper went off the radar and the pilot isn't responding._"

"Yeah... The helicopter crashed. Something detonated in the fuselage, blowing the rear rotors clean off. Roy thinks it was sabotaged... The pilot didn't survive, but the girl, Shana, is up and moving."

We heard one of Hunnigan's few curses. "_Shit. It's going to take hours for us to get another chopper out there... Can you hold out that long?_"

"Of course. But we'll have to keep moving to stay ahead of the cultists."

"_Alright... We're prepping another chopper now. Hopefully this one won't suffer a similar fate. Good luck. Over and out._"

"...We're screwed, aren't we?" Ashley sniped, playing on all of our forboding senses.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Luis chimed about forgetting something and walked out, presumably to chat with Ada. Hm. How to deal with him... And with the transgendered fangirl. Ah, decisions, decisions...

"Where's he off to?" Shana asked, staring at the closing door.

"To chat up a girl with a dick. C'mon, let's get outta here before the locals figure out how to climb."

I staredout heading out the front door and turning right, heading around the house, and finding the sight... Of...

...

...The fuck?

" 'Ello, strangahs. Whattaya buyin'?" Mark the Merchant was standing next to the shack that sat right next to the two large, wooden gates.

...How the flying fuck did he get here?! He never crossed the bridge...

...Fuckit.

"Depends. You got anything to kill a god?"

"Strangah, strangah... Yah, actually. 'Ere." He procurred something from his hammerspace coat. A very large, very dangerous piece...

A Javelin. A bloody fucking FGM 148 Javelin. One of the most advanced, useful, man-portable, anti-armor systems in use today. And this joker has one?

"How in the bloody hell did you get your hands on that?"

"Ya don't wanna know, strangah. So? Are yah buyin'?"

... Hm. Would make mincemeat of El Gigante.

"...Sure. What's your price?"

"Three hundred thousand." ...Okay, hell no. I have that pendant I snagged, a few spinels, and a few other bits and bobs. Not happening.

"...How about something to kill god's ugly cousin?" Mark shrugged, and returned the launcher to the confines of his coat, before pulling out something I recognised;(And knew how to use) An RPG7, the classic russian anti-armor launcher. That, I know how to use. And it'd still take a giant's head clean off.

"Thirty thousand for that?"

"Yah. Gonna buy somefing, strangah?"

"...Yeah, fuck it. I'll take the RPG." I reached into my asspack and pulled out the pearl pendant I'd grabbed, along with the handfull of gems I had on me. They were probably worth a fair bit of coin over in the states, but I'd have the opportunity to get more than enough loot to justify this little expedition.

He accepted the jewelry, and handed me the tube, along with a small pouch of coins. Change, I suppose.

"Thanks, mate. See ya around, Mark." I turned and started off for the right-side gate, not bothering to wait for my stupefied accomplices to catch up.

Turn the lever to the right, go through the date, kick open the double doors, and I was in a massive valley. Hm.

After a few moments, I was joined by Leon and Ashley, with Shana pulling up the rear. none of them questioned my interactions with the strange hunchback man with the wierd accent.(I know, I'm a bloody hypcrit, quit takin' the piss over it)

Well, at least they knew better.

"What was that all about?"

...Or not.

Leon answered for me. "Don't bother asking him. He's wierd, even by Bunny-Ears-Lawyer standards, but he knows what he's doing. Most of the time."

..."Yeah, thanks for the vote of confidence."

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

I lead the way down the canyon, but after fifteen feet, I turned and had Leon take point. He did so without a word, while Shana gave me a look as she passed by me.

...Which was immediately directed back towards where we'd entered from, just before a massive growl was heard, followed by the earth beneath our boots quaking.

"**GRRROOOOOAAAAAARRRGGGHHH!**"

"Ah, blow it out yer ass, tubby." I shouldered the boom-tube and looked through the irons, lining up my sights on the giant's butt-ugly mug.

I did, however, remember to call out that I was about to fire. "Clear the backblast!"

Of course, the two trained soldiers immediately hauled ass out of the way, dragging Ashley along.

"BANG!"

...Well, that's just it. There was a clicking sound, but nothing happened. Fuuuuuck.

First thing I did, was look at the front of the weapon, to see if a little flag popped out with 'Bang' written on it. Nope. But I saw the problem; the pin was still in the warhead, effectively acting as a safety. And I completely forgot about it. Sheeee-it.

I ripped out the ring just in time to look up...

...And find myself face-to-crotch with El Gigante. Again, sheeeeeeeee-it!

*Whump!*

...And I went flying. Backwards. Through the air. Did I mention the part where I collided with something rough, hard, and rocky? 'Cuz I did, just before collapsing to the ground, another rough, hard, and rocky surface. Kinda like my-

"ROY!"

...

Okay, not dead, but half-deaf. And very VERY annoyed.

I pulled my face out of the dirt, pushed myself off the ground, reshouldered the launcher and took aim.

Leon was firing on the beast, distracting it from Ashley and Shana, who were hauling ass towards the wooden wall.

"Boom, motherfucker."

*Click!*

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

...

...

...ow.

OW.

OWCH! Sonofabitch, my ears are bleeding!

"Roy! Are you alright?!"

Ashley was at my side, shaking my arm.

"Fine, fine. Leggo. Leon? You alive? Holler if you're dead!" I dropped the tube and started towards where Leon had been standing earlier, on the other side of the giant corpse laid out on the ground. Its entire head was missing, a massive pool of blood spilling out around its neck.

A few moments later...

"Augh... Never, ever, am I giving you one of those for Chistmas!"

He pulled himself up from the ground, and climbed over one of El Gigante's legs, since he was between it and the canyon wall.

"You good?" He nodded. Looking no worse for wear, aside from a thin coating of dust and ash.

"Ears are killing me. Thanks for that." I shrugged, before turning to Shana and Ashley.

"You two in one piece?"

Ashley nodded, still shaking slightly.

Shana replied, "I'm fine, but how the hell are you? That impact should've killed or maimed you."

Leon snorted. "That's nothing. This guy doesn't know how to die."

"I really don't. I've read all the how-to's, but I just can't seem to get it..."

She facepalmed, shaking her head. "Great... You're almost as bad as Redfield."

I raised an eyebrow. "Which one?" Leon and I both asked at the same time, causing her to comically look back and forth between us.

"There're two Chris Redfields? Dear god, we're all doomed." I snorted a laugh.

"No, no, he just has a sister, and she's as much of a smartass as Leon and myself. And Leon is the only one who's doomed." ...Of course, this caused her to ask, "And why's that?"

"Because I, uh, pranked him back when I was a rookie at the RPD! Yeah, I had everyone in the office thinking he had a thing for Wesker, so..." He answered far too quickly, cutting me off. And taking credit for MY prank, damnit!

"...No, it's actually because he's fucking Chris' sister." The tan girl's eyes widened, and she stared at Leon.

"Yeah, you're doomed. Sucks to be you, pretty-boy."

"...Why are we friends again, Roy?" He deadpanned, staring at me.

"Because I'm the only one who will stand between you and Chris when he finds out that you're the one making Claire walk bow-legged every other week. And because you owe me fifty bucks."

He blinked. "Why the hell would I owe you..." He had a sudden moment of clarity, and remembered that he did indeed lose a bet. "...You are despicable."

"Indeed. And you're a lucky idiot, so I'd call it even."

...He had no response to that.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

At the end of the canyon, I kicked down the double-doors and lead the way out.

Now... How to handle this next part... I could either go the normal route, and deal with spiney. OR... I could do this the Lothar way.

Just as we stepped in front of the face gate, I looked up the the retina scanner.

"Huh. Am I the only one who thinks this thing is mighty advanced for some backwater village?"

Leon agreed. "Definately. Looks like a retina scanner... Any idea whose eye we should be looking for?"

Both Leon and I shared a look. "Baldilocks?" "Santa Clause?" We stated at the same time, making for a pair of puzzled women.

"Right. If any of you has any explosives, now's the time to whip 'em out. I've got something to take care of right quick."

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

I turned left and started jogging uphill, towards the skylift, leaving the three to stand in front of the gates, trying to figure out a way to open them.

At the top, I went into the roundabout dock area for the lift, and drew my tomahawk. I set about the task of cutting the cable, and effectively stranding the village chief from the rest of us.

...Hey, if I can effectively kill an enemy with little or no effort, fuck 'em. I hakced the cable twice, splitting it, and dropping several of the cagges down far, far, below.

...I couldn't hear them crash. THAT far below.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

I went back to where the others were, Leon with some sort of tools in his hands, doing something right up against the gates.

"You can't pick an automatic lock, Leon."

"Watch me."

...

...Yeah, no. I'm not gonna sit here and wait for him to macguyver a way through.

I walked over. "Alright, stand back, ladies. I've got the key."(I was including Leon in this)

Leon turned and looked at me, no longer fiddling with a screwdriver and multi-tool.

"The key?"

I gently shoved him out of the way, before raising my boot.

"Knock knock."

*BOOM!*

...

Well, there was a dent the size of a man's chest in the gate, so there's that.

I gave another kick. *BOOM!*

The gate rattled as a few pieces of rock broke off from above. There were now two man-sized dents in the thing.

...

*BOOM!*

"Oh, come on!" And now three. And the gate held fast.

...Fucker.

"...So much for having the key."

"Oh, do you wanna open it now, smartass?"

"Ladies!" Shana called, stepping up to the gate. "Allow me."

...Okay, this I wanna see.

She spit on her hands, rubbed them together, shook 'em out, and then took a good fifteen steps back. Then she ran full-out at the gate, pivoting at the last second, bringing her foot back in a mule-kick that Leon was damn proud of.

*BANG!*

...And the fucking gate opened. It only flew open three feet, but still.

"...Motherfuck." Both Leon and myself said, blinking.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

...And so, I shoved the doors the rest of the way open, stepping through.

"Right, lads. The gates have been opened, and we ride further into hell!"

"...Does he always make such overly-dramatic speeches?" Shana commented, throwing a sideways glance at Leon.

"Yes, he does. Sometimes I wonder if he thinks he has an audience or something..."

"Aw, what does it matter? He looks pretty badass to me." Ashley observed, wondering if said badass was into threesomes.

Eeeeverybody's a fucking critic.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_


	58. Chapter 57 Penetration

**Waking Death**

The Rescuers

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid suicidal motherfuckers. **_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

#57 And now, to the castle!

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

...Bastards. Absolute bastards... At least Ashley doesn't secretly think I'm insane...

...Though she was now looking at me as though she wanted to tear my pants off and devour me, so there's that. Think I'd better keep my distance.

"Hold tight by the gates for a moment." I started moving ahead, as though to scout the path, when we all heard a truck being started.

"...Oh, just my fucking luck... RIGHT-SIDE FRONT WHEEL!" I shouldered my rifle, snapping my sight onto the driver. I tugged the trigger three times, shattering the windshield and taking off the bastard's scalp.

I aimed down, for the vehicle's front left wheel. (Right side by my perspective)

I was just about to pull the trigger, when a shot rang out, and the tire exploded. The truckcareened to the right, smashed into the hill, started to roll, and got caught in a U-Turn indent in the towpath. Seeing as the four flunkies ahead of us had gotten run over, I turned back to see who'd shot the thing.

...Wasn't Leon, since he was looking at Shana, whose gun was smoking.

"Nice shot." In the time it took for me to eliminate the driver, only 0.85 of a second passed, roughly. Even Leon's reaction time insn't that good... Mine wasn't quite that good before my infection.(I'd've clocked somewhere around 0.97) Strange and stranger...

Shana shrugged. "S'nothing." More modest than I was, at least. Eh.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

I turned back and started up the hill, followed by my three compatriots. We had gotten no more then twenty paces when we heard the gates behind us being forced open once more...

"Ahi esta! Te voy a matar!" Ah, frig. More redshirts.

I turned, gun raised. "Get going!" They needed no further encouragement.

Leon started running, pulling Ashley by the hand, closely followed by the sniper.

The moment my firing lane was clear, I opened fire.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

*Bang! Pow! Blam-bang!* (Shitty sound effects)

The sounds of gunfire reached their ears, as the three of them hauled ass uphill, and found a massive drawbridge.

"Shit...!" Leon turned, observed just what his partner was doing, then said, "Across that bridge! we'll cut 'em off!"

As they crossed, Shana was worried over just what the other guy was going to do... The sound of gunfire had yet to stop; the familiar rythmic ringing in her ears, just past half the speed of her heartbeat.

"Grab that crank!" Leon's voice brought her out of her reverie, and she stared at him. "Wait, what about Roy?!"

"He'll make it!"

...She didn't like this. Not at all.

Then movement caught her eye... There Roy was, backing up the hill, still firing upon the dozens of villages that followed him. It wasn't until he was on-level with the bridge, when Leon called, "Turn!"

...And she did, against her better judgement.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"Damnit... When's the last time they oiled this thing..." She had started to struggle to keep up with Leon's pace, when she saw Roy's head disappear behind the rising bridge.

"Shit! What about Roy?! He can't make it past the-" ...When she noticed a hand hanging from the end of their half of the bridge. Soon followed by another, before Roy pulled himself over, and slid down the nearly-vertical structure.

It wasn't until his boots touched down that he started to reload his rifle.

How in the hell...

On his way over, he high-five'd Leon in a casual manner, before taking point again.

Really, how the hell did he get across? Shana could understand the dented gate, since she'd personally seen Chris perform similar acts of physical strength, but this was just insane...

Is he even human?

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

**Back to Roy's perspective...**

I racked the T-bolt, then slapped the forward assist, the SOP's of using an M16 still a force of habit.

Once you've used a rifle for so long it's become apart of you... Yeah. That's when you need to start thinking about retirement.

I started towards the stairs, not bothing with the shack nearby.

I stopped.

Wait...

I turned towards said shack, then went around it, past a small tree. Behind the thing... Aha. A sizable chest.

...And no, not Ashley's.

I flipped the thing open, finding three small gold bullion bars. Now, lemmee see here... They were more than two kilos each, so...

...I'd wager they were worth around a hundred and forty grand. Each. CHA-CHING. Heheheheheh. Methinks I'm gonna be a very, very rich man by the end of this. Even if it isn't pure, it's worth more than my presidential paycheck for this mission.

...And I'll be damned if customs thinks they can take it from me. Fuck those bastards. My gold. MINE.

As I pocketed the precious metals, I heard a sharp intake of breath from Leon.

"Uh... Is that what I think it is?"

I simply grinned, turning to face him.

"Our _real_ paycheck. These guys won't miss 'em."

"...Somehow that doesn't make me feel any better." Fucking boy scout.

"Look, mate; this castle is owned by the Salazar family. They're going to try to kill us. Hell, we might've been better off with the villagers. So I'd say that rates stealing a few baubles, ya? Especialy since we're risking our lives to save someone they kidnapped."

"...You make a valid point, kleptomaniac or not."

I scowled. "Hey, hey. I only steal from those who deserve it."

"Said the wannabe Robin Hood. Let's get going before the sheriff shows up."

...Snarky git.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

And so... Well, I lead the way. Up the stairs, through the door, towards the main entrance/courtyard area.

I pulled my suppressor for my rifle, screwing that on and setting the weapon to single after stepping through the first door. I moved along the wall, peeking my head out to have a look.

Two hooded monks up top. They weren't paying attention...

I pulled my gun around the corner, using the wall itself as a brace. I glanced through the magnifier, aiming for the Monk on the left...

I didn't fire until I saw the crimson glow of his eyes.

*Puhfl!* And down he went. The other one's head snapped up, and he opened his mouth, just before I took his head off. Once they were done, I lowered my gun and waved the others past.

They moved, past the large wooden crate, over to the stairs to our far right. I quickly followed, before taking point again. At the top, I signalled for them to hold back a moment, while I peeked my head around the corner to see when those red-robed bastards would start firing flaming debris at us.

"This castle is barking huge..." I heard Shana remark, seeing the massive courtyard.

Next thing I know...

"Ahi esta!"

"...Great. Thanks for opening your mouth."

"What? You were just about to do something to get their attention anyway!"

...That's not the point.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Three minutes later...

We were up top, the catapault gunners were dead, I had snagged a new bracelet(for Rebecca, as a returning home gift) and Leon was busy cranking up the cannon. Shana was with the girl, both of them taking refuge in a small storage shack, so that if said cannon we were working on malfunctioned, they wouldn't be near it.

I had suggested using the artillery piece instead of our own munitions so as to conserve supplies. It would also be our only chance to ever fire an antique weapon like this, and I didn't want to piss that opportunity.

...Hell, Leon even wanted to use it, just to see shit explode. I guess all guys are like that.

We (And by we, I mean Leon) cranked up the cannon, and I whipped out my Zippo.

"Cover yer ears, kiddies. Lets see if this antique still works."

I flicked it open and struck the wheel, then held the flame to the fuse. Once lit, I stepped back and covered my ears.

***KA-BOW!...owwowwoww...***

*...Eeeeeeiiiinnnggg...* ...And my ears were still ringing. Damnit.

I looked over at the destroyed gate. "Good effect on target! Leon, you good?"

He looked over at me, a finger still in his ear. "I'm alright. Think they know we're here, yet?" He asked, once again in his traditional smartass teenager-mode.

I shrugged. "I hope so. If not, there's something seriously wrong with these people. Besides being evil cannibalistic bastards, that is."

...Not even a chuckle. Eh, no sense of humor.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Well, we meandered over to where the gate used to be, now replaced by a huge gateway, suddenly and mysteriously devoid of its gate. Kinda like how Leon was suddenly, mysteriously devoid of his testicles after visiting Claire. Not that I said as much.

Once through, turning right, we found...

The Merchant. Mark.

The four of us stared at the hooded man, before I said; "How in the hell do you get so far ahead of us?"

The hunchback shrugged. "Very carefully, strangah."

...Right.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

We stepped through the next door, finally entering the castle itself.

Inside... We were in a weapon storage room of some kind. In the first room we entered, there was a metal plate on the far wall, on the other side of a heavy oak table, with a sword placed upon it. The plate was gold, yet the sword was made of a silver-ish metal. Platinum, I recalled. Upon the table was a small, opened book, the pages rendered illegible by time and humidity.

To our left were stairs, leading up. Oddly enough... On the wall next to them was a familiar-looking painting...

"...Is that the Mona Lisa?" Shana asked, looking puzzled.

"Hell if I know." I shrugged.

...It was then completely forgotten.

Moving on. We heard our radios going off, and Leon answered again. "_Come in, Leon. I've got an update for you._"

"Loud and clear, Hunnigan. Whattaya got?"

"_Another chopper is headed your way with a full payload. What is your current location? My GPS tracker is on the fritz again._" ...She nervously adjusted her glasses.

I answered for him. "We're inside of the Salazar family castle, trying to lay low...Hunnigan, check your firewalls. I've got a nasty feeling about this."

She blinked, then started typing something on a keyboard in front of her. "_...I don't know, Roy. Something's strange, but... Shit!_" ...And the image cut out. We then heard nothing but static...

"...Well, that's ominous." I remarked.

"Huh... Guess we really are in some B-horror flick. I nominate Roy to take the lead." Leon snarked, fiddling with the radio, switching channels and messing with the hardware.

I gave a deadpan response. "So I can get killed first? Yeah, thanks for that." Punctuated by rolling my eyes. Yep, I'm a child at heart. A flippant one.

"I feel like I'm in a damned Scooby-Doo cartoon... I swear, if we run into a living suit of armor, I'm done. Just done." Shana commented, shaking her head, ending our reverie on a high note.

Strangeness finished...

"Leon, post here and watch that door. Shana, cover the stairs, and Ashley," I grasped the table, flipping it on its side. "Stay behind the table and keep your head down. I'll be back in just a moment..." I was moving up the stairs, tossing my shotgun back to Shana on the way, much to her surprise.

Least she didn't drop it.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

At the top, I turned right, shouldering my rifle. My aim snapped onto my first target; one squeeze, and the hooded monk went down. I pulled an about-face, stepping back, avoiding the spiked flail my next target missed me entirely, overbalancing himself...

Right into the butt of my rifle. Once, again, and the third time caved his skull in against the wall. I walked right over to the hidden door, pulling the Golden Sword from the platinum plate, turning, heading right for the stairs just as I heard a door opening...

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Leon wasn't normally a man prone to acts of brutality. Normally.

But when someone he has been charged with protecting is threatened...

Well. Let's just say that things get very... Messy. Just wait until it's someone he truly loves is the one being harmed...

Still.

Roy watched with interest as he saw Leon use the same technique he himself had used in the lab under Raccoon...

Very, VERY messy.

Leon moved forward, firing, as he shoved one of the other monks into a shelf, before pistol-whipping a third. He pretty much tossed his rifle aside, countering the swing of a mace-armed monk before relieving him of his weapon and killing two more with it, leaving the bloodied weapon embedded in the poor dead bastard's crotch.

The monk who'd gotten shelved was back on his feet, chanting in spanish again. Until Leon bashed his head in against the wall, leaving his brains as nothing more than a dark red, pinkish smear. With small fragments of white, of course. I was rather impressed when he took the handle of one of those flails and, litterally, shoved it down the red-robed monk's throat. Followed with a lightning-quick uppercut that shattered his jaw, sending the monk leader sprawling into the open doorway.

Then Leon grabbed the door and slammed it shut, crushing the monk's already-weakened head.

...This all occurred in mere moments, before the bodies started dissolving. Leon was breathing heavy for a few moments, before he returned to normal, and retrieved his rifle.

...I started a slow clap. "Very nice. Guess you picked up a few things from me after all."

The blonde man rolled his eyes. "Only because I wound up covered in gore a dozen times since you could never give us a heads-up when you were going to blow something up. Usually done when I was _right next _to whatever it was you happened to be killing. And your excuse was that I was '_taking too long.' _" ...He even used finger quotes for that phrase.

I shrugged. "Well, you were. And you learned to work much faster, didn't you?"

...He simply glared in my general direction instead of answering.

He knew I was right. Heheh.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

I swapped the swords, ignoring my companions' stares. Though Leon didn't bother, knowing I was up to something insane that would work out for the best.

...Or just taking a sweet-ass pair of antiques.(I wouldn't use either of those items; they were made from soft, precious metals, and were improperly constructed for combat)

Once the wall slid out, revealing the hidden door, we all went through, except this time, it was Ashley who started whistling.

Lost Prophets. Huh.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

On the other side, we once again ran into you-know-who. How the hell he gets ahead of us, I'll never know...

Anyway. We walked under a stone arch, and found ourselves in front of the main gate. Quite suddenly...

"Leon!"

We heard a distinctly spanish-accented voice call out from behind us, and we turned, to find Luis Sera standing there.

"Luis. Good to see you're still alright."

"I've got something for you guys..." He reached into his pocket, and found... Nothing. Then he blinked and began checking over himself.

"Aww, shit! I must've dropped it when I was running away from them..." He turned, about to leave.

"I have to go back and get it..."

I stepped over. "Oy. What'd you drop, exactly?"

"...A drug to stop your convulsions. You've been coughing up blood, right?" I shook my head, as did Shana.

...Leon however, hesitated... And Ashley gulped, before both of them nodded.

"Damnit... The eggs have hatched... I have to go back and get it. You two are lucky, amigos. Make sure you don't get caught."

I nodded, but grabbed his shoulder before he ran off. Speaking quietly, I warned him. "Hang on. Saddler himself is here, and he's after some kind of 'Sample,' stolen from him. I figured you'd know what it was. If you get your hands on it, watch your back." His eyes widened, but he nodded.

"Thanks for the warning... I didn't think he would be here in the castle. Not a good sign..." He shook his head. "Alright. I'm off. Good luck."

I clapped him on his shoulder, turning, moving towards the gate. "Let's get moving."

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

We stepped up to the gate, before I gave it a kick, breaking the lock and sending the doors flying wide open. I stepped inside, not breaking stride. When we started hearing salazar's cackle, I said, "One midget, two goons, twelve o'clock high."

We were in a grand foyer/entrance hall, and well above our heads, on the far wall, was a balcony. On it, stood Ramon Salazar, and his two personal bodyguards, lefty and righty.(Verdugo was the one on Ramon's right side. His right 'hand')

"I was starting to wonder when you might notice us... "

I made a show of looking up at him.

"Oh, yeah, it took me a couple'a minutes. You're so short, even up there I needed to look down to find you. So you own this castle, huh?"

...The midget's eye twitched.

"I do... But all you need to know is that you can just give me the girl now, since the rest of you aren't worth a penny, I'm afraid... You can die."

I raised an eyebrow. "aha. I guess that makes you Ramon Salazar... Somhow I thought you'd be a bit taller."

"How dare you-!" *Bang!*

"Gah!" He fell backwards, scrambling away from the handrail.

His fancy hat had a new hole in it. 'Bout the size of a .223, it was... What a coincidence.

"Now, let's get this relationship straight. Fuck off, shorty. We're the ones wearing the fucking pants here. This is your only warning; leave us in peace, and we'll do the same of you. But if you fuck with us... My next shot'll take your balls off before they get the chance to drop. Capisce? Good. Now go hump somebody's leg or something."

"Why you-! You-!" He was shaking, unable to form a coherent curse. The angrish was setting in.

"Easy, mini-me. Don't think too hard or you'll pull something. No, wait. Please do. Seeing your head asplode would amuse me."

I had Leon, Shana and Ashley all chuckling, wondering how much more it would take before the tiny guy flipped his lid.

"Well... That's all the time I've got for today, Tiny Tim, so I'll be taking my leave now. Don't forget to take your vitamins if you wanna grow into a real boy!" I turned right, whistling, heading for the door, ignoring the grand entranceway ahead of us. We needed to kill a few hours to wait for the chopper to get here anyway.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

I waltzed right on through, ignoring Salazar's screams as I did so. My three chuckling companions followed suit, and we shut the door behind us just as the massive motif-adorned collumn rose and blocked the path we'd skipped.

Stepping through, I turned and went to the far right side of the room, and punched through a painting of Saddler; grasping the three gold bars on the other side. Sweeeeet. Moneyz!

Adding those to my bag, I turned towards the area we were supposed to go; towards the sound of flames. Two monks stepped out of said hallway, approaching.

I didn't even raise my gun. Leon dropped both of them before I finished zipping up my asspack. Welp, saved me a couple'a bullets.

I meandered on over to the windows overlooking the prison below;(No glass) and said, "Wait here, I need to get something."

...And dived through, down into Garrador's jail.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Once down below, I stood, walking over to the cell door, giving it a kick. The moment the steel bars connected with the floor, the clawed bastard snapped his bonds, breaking out of his chains.

He growled, extended the claws attatched to his gauntlets, lunging straight at me...

(I ducked, grabbed his gauntlet, and pulled)

Only to find himself thrown ass-over-tea-kettle. Once Wolverine-wannabe was face-down on the floor, I stomped his arm, and smash-punched through the plaga on his back, grabbing a fistfull of innards, twisted, and ripped out everything I got ahold of.

I tossed away the gristle in my hand, seeing that the oversized punk was no longer moving. I did an about-face, walked into the cell, and pulled the red-handled lever.

...The sound of flames ended all at once. I made my merry way back out, up the steps, and on the way to the horse-fire hall.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

...Which was maybe fifty feet away. Not even through any doors. Eh. Where the horse-head statues were, a handfull of monks had gathered, intending to slow our progress. Five shots later...

...Nothing but a grand, spacious, empty hallway awaited us. Yay.


	59. Chapter 58 Let the Slaughter Begin!

**Waking Death**

The Rescuers

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid suicidal motherfuckers. **_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

#58 Let the slaughter begin

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

**[Cue music; In the Air Tonight, by Phil Collins]**

We stood in front a massive gate; As I pushed them open and stepped through, we found dozens of monks bearing all sorts of weapons, ready to chop us into itty-bitty bites.

'Such an ornate room...' I though, looking at the fountains, columns, and glorious architecture. Whoever owned this castle must be from a very wealthy family...

Suddenly, Roy lowered his rifle, a wicked grin turning his handsome features into a sight that struck an unknown fear in my heart... As though I were witnessing the awakening of a monster.

"Hey, kid." His voice startled me, and I noticed something. He'd removed the sling from his body, holding his rifle by the forend.

"Catch." He tosed his rifle, which I nearly fumbled, as I was carrying his shotgun. What the hell was he...

Leon looked slightly worried. "Roy... Don't tell me you're-"

The bigger of the two men ignored his partner, calmly strolling towards the line of armed monks.

"Stay back and take the kiddies outside... I'll come get you when I'm done." One of the closest... Ganados, Roy called them, rushed at him, raising up a scythe...

Something I'd only seen used by farmers to harvest crops, that for some reason made my skin crawl.

"Shit." I pulled up Roy's gun and put it to my shoulder, slinging his shotgun next to my rifle, when Leon placed a hand on the barrel.

"Hold fire... Get back out those doors. This is about to get ugly..." He sounded... Uncomfortable, as though he was disturbed by the sight. He damn well should be!

"But he'll be killed! What the hell are you doing?!" I had turned to look at him, and saw just a hint of fear in his eyes... But not for himself.

***Schwllrrrchk!*** Such a gut-wrenching sound... I spun towards it, fearing for the worst, and saw...

Roy, scythe in hand, blood spattered across his face... A horribly macabe grin turning his normally handsome features into a visage of pure terror. The monk... His body was in pieces, as though torn apart by a wild animal. There was blood all over the floor, and several of the other ganados looked apprehensive, wary, afraid... I didn't blame them, not one bit.

"Let's go!" I felt a hand on my shoulder, pulling me back, back out the way we'd came in.

I didn't resist.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

When the gates were shut, I still didn't feel safe. I wouldn't, not unless there was something solid between him and me. Even then, I still wouldn't feel safe... There was something about him that made the hair on my neck stand on end, and it wasn't the familiar scent.

"What the fuck was that, Leon?! He's your partner! He'll be killed!" Ashley growled, poking the tall man in the chest. He didn't even twitch.

"Calm down. He'll be just fine... I'd be more worried about those ganados right about now." The blonde wasn't exactly... Calm, but he didn't sound worried.

"How can you say that? He can't take on that many of them by himself!" Ashley was distraught and panicky, but she didn't let it show.

I'd had enough of her shouting. "Enough! Leon, what the hell?"

He turned and looked at me. "He does that... When he gets that look in his eyes, there's nothing short of a cruise missile that'll stop him. I don't want you two seeing that kind of scene if it can be avoided."

That kind of scene? What the fuck?

"What are you talking about?" Myself and Ashley both asked, which would've been amusing in any other situation.

"...A wholesale slaughter."

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

**Six minutes later...**

Something banged hard against the gates, before they were pulled open, revealing Roy; covered in blood. For some strange, unfathomable reason... It fit him, as though he were meant to be an unstoppable killing machine. When he spoke, I felt a shiver run up my spine, unbidden.

"Oy. Room's clear, so let's get a move on." His voice was the same as ever, no discernable change in his untraceable accent. I still wasn't sure of his origins, since I've heard Australian natives who spoke clearer english than this guy.

He turned, walking back through the room he'd just... Finished... Redecorating...

In a manner that would make Jeffery Dahmer jizz his pants.

The entire room... Once the grey and off-white of stone and marble, was now stained a dark, deep scarlet... There were bodies floating in the fountains, not yet completely dissolved. A good thirty feet away, was a set of stairs, blood freely seeping down...

I then noticed just what had collided with the doors. A dead monk. Or, well...

His head. Another uncalled for shiver ran up my spine as I averted my eyes, the graphic scene all too familiar...

Just how many people did he kill... And if he was able to wreak such havoc with a mere farming tool...

What could he do with a _real _weapon?

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

**Back to Roy's point of view...**

After some much-needed exercise, I let the little people back inside, feeling much better.

It always feels good to cut loose every now and again, right?

Well, clearing done and over with, I started off, chucking my new, now-broken weapon aside.

Scythe broke after less than two dozen kills. Nothing's made to last these days, hmm?

Moving on...

We went up the stairs, Ashley slipping on some of the blood, only to find herself in Leon's arms.

Fuckin' womanizer.

Anyway, once up on the next tier, I had a quick look around...

"Shana, post up on the edge of that pool. Ashley, stay behind her and keep outta the way. Leon, head up high, we're on crank duty. C'mon, people, we ain't gettin' paid by the hour!" I was already moving towards the left-side wall-climb motif, jumping up and grabbing hold, pulling myself up.

By the time I laid hand on that crank, Leon was pulling himself up, and Shana was on her knee, my rifle against her shoulder. Good.

I worked the crank around and around, quick as I could without breaking the damned thing, filling my ears with the sound of machinery. Judging by the resistance I felt... It would be sixteen seconds before the platform was raised.

*BANG!* "Roy!" Hm? I turned my head to look around. Shana had shot a monk that had been creeping up behind me. Guess I couldn't hear him over the grinding of the gears... Ah, well.

"Focus overwatch on Leon!" I shouted back, looking to the water, ticking off the seconds before the thing would break the water's surface...

Another three ganados came out of the nearby door, slowly moving along the catwalk, chanting all the while...

Not worth the brass. I switched hands on the crank, truning my body to face them.

"Come get some." Four seconds... Three... Two...One... Done. The marble platform was up and out of the water, so now all that was slowing our progress was Leon himself.

I rushed the three stooges, grabbing the first 'round the neck, swinging him back around behind be, before throwing him into the other two, knocking all three of them off the catwalk and into the water down below.

"Strike!" I heard Ashley shout. Nice.

Once my side was done, I hopped down, jogging over to where Shana was, taking position, drawing Sarah as I did so. Within moments, several more ganados began approaching, coming around the grandoise fountain from both sides.

"More redshirts inbound!" Raising Sarah, bringing the sights to bear on the first mook, flowing, feeling...

One shot... One kill.

***Bang!***

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Leon cranked up the second platform and hopped down to join us, just as Shana and I put down the last four ganados.

"Clear, get moving." Shana was the first across, hopping from her place next to me. Ashley soon followed, with Leon following close behind.

Once he had hopped across and made it to the end, I brought up the rear, double checking that we weren't being followed. Nothing. Not even a fish.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

I pushed the gates shut, turning to face my toadies.

"You good?"

Nods all around. No injuries so far...

"Alright. On me, let's pick up the pace." I started forward, moving underneath the hanging statues...

Damn, those were unnerving. I mean, really? Did they HAVE to go and hang 'em from the ceiling?

Well, no time to worry about it now.

"Room clear, move up."

"Whoa... Amazing architecture... Wonder why they have the statues suspended from the ceiling...?" Guess I'm not the only one wondering why that is.

As we moved through the area, I pondered just how we'd go through the area... 'Cuz I am NOT going through that damned sewer.

...I hate bugs.

Seeing the stairs, I redirected our group.

"Hold up. Get topside, that hall's a deathtrap." Leon nodded, starting for the stairs as Shana gave me a puzzled look.

"How do you figure?"

"Bars across the floor, and the carpet was designed not to interrupt them. I'd figure floor spikes, given the medieval design of this place. Let's hope we don't run into any pots of boiling oil."

The tan woman blinked. "...Floor spikes? What is this, a video game?"

...None of them could understand my sudden uncontrollable fits of laughter.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"...Yeah, this gate isn't budging. Roy? Have you got the key?"

I stepped up, giving the small gate a close inspection... Yeah, it wasn't anything special. I cracked my neck, rolled my shoulders, and rapped my knuckles against the steel bars.

"Hmm... Yep, good old forged steel, half-inch thick. Gimme eight seconds." I grasped the lowermost bars, bending my knees to get that low.

"And a one, and a two, now lemme see you break!" I straightened my legs, curled my elbows, and forced the steel to bend to my will...

It creaked and strained, but bent evenly as I stepped back, pushing the pointy ends further up.

Once I had a little over four foot clearance, I stopped and turned, one arm holding the bars in place.

"Ladies first."

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

We went through the door in front of us, entering a very ornate entryway ... Hmm... A short stair led into another, slightly less ornate sitting room. We got no more than seven steps, when our radios went off, all three of them.

"Hm?" Leon pulled his up, answering the hail. "Hello? Hunnigan, what happened? You got cut off?"

"*_Blzuhshwikurzzzzschk* Heeheehee!_" On the screen, appeared Salazar's ugly mug.

"Salazar! How'd you-?"

"_We've jacked ze line. We don't want you telling anyone any unnecessary information._"

Lovely... I cut in before the midget could start jizzing himself, he was so pleased.

"Alright, ya fuckin' midget, you've had your fun. Fuck off and let the grown-ups do their job before we stick you in time-out." Seeing the moment to piss him off even more, Leon cut the transmission JUST before Salazar could make his indignant squeek. I take it the little-person would be tearing his hair out in frustration soon enough.

Heheheh, idiot.

Leon had his amused smirk in place, as Shana chuckled, and Ashley? She laughed outright, however...

She choked, and started coughing... Right on schedual.

Amidst her hacking up a lung, she covered her mouth, and we all noticed blood seeping out from between her fingers...

"Ashley! Are you alright?" Leon immediately rushed to her aid, holding her steady as her entire body convulsed with each and every cough.

"Kuh, Guhah, N-no!..." Now to step in before something stupid and/or canon happens.

I moved over, sweeping the girl off her feet, lightly shoving Leon out of the way as I lowered the girl onto the floor.

"Relax, let it out and breathe." She lightly thrashed in my grasp, landing painless blows against my chest and arms, obviously in great pain; something was really off about her... I could smell it. Nothing particular, just... Something seemed off. Like an aftertaste you don't quite recognise. The plaga, at a guess.

After three minutes, she stopped struggling, and just lay there, panting.

"...You alright?" I asked, feeling slightly edgy with Leon leaning over us like a mother hen.

"Hah...Huuh...Hahhuh... Y-yeah.. Sorry..." Inclining my head, I helped the girl to her feet, pulling a kerchief from my pocket.

"S'fine. Here, wipe the blood off." She took it, her hands still shaking... Hm. She was more frightened of that event than I'd first guessed.

While she cleaned up her hands and lips, I got to my feet, stroking my chin in thought...

"...What do you think?" My partner quietly asked, a concerned, wary look etched into his handsome features.

"...The parasite. It's growing, working itself deeper into her body... It's doing the same to you, too. We'd better hurry. I am _NOT _going back and telling Claire you didn't make it. So you'd damn well better keep yourself alive, _Supravietuitor_." I started forward, moving for the door.

"Survivor, huh? Heh, guess that stuck after all..."

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_FLashback no jutsu! ...Wait, what?_

_"Come on! MOVE, Survivor!" Roy shouted, shoving me through that door... Just before the gator closed its jaws upon him._

_"Roy! NO!" I couldn't get to him in time... No... Damnit... _

_I ran back for that door just as it clanged shut, rifle in hand, when I felt two arms wrapping themselves around me. _

_'Damnit! Another zombie?!' _

_"Leon, STOP!" ...It was Claire... She was..._

_"You can't help him! He's... He's gone..." No... Nonononono... God damnit...!_

_"Not yet! Let me go, I can still...!" _

_Her grip loosened, and I slipped free. Roy... He's strong. He's still alive, and still fighting. He can't be... Not yet!_

_I gripped the handle, forcing it to open, pulling with all my strength._

_It finally gave way, creaking on the rusty hinges... Just past, could hear the giant monster growling, thrashing in the water. _

_...But I couldn't hear him... Is... Is he..._

_The opening was finally wide enough for me to slip through, rushing back towards the aligator._

_The creature was still thrashing left and right, struggling against..._

_"SUCK THIS, YOU OVERGROWN WALLET!" Whoa! Roy! He's still...!_

_There he was, arm caught in the monster's maw, repeatedly stabbing it with his knife, turning the gator's snout into a gorey mess. _

_"ROY!" I raised my gun, taking aim at the thing's back, not trusting myself to shoot it in the head without hitting my friend._

_As I emptied the clip, something changed The createure suddenly roared in anguish, and Roy dropped free of its mouth, rolling to his feet, with something huge in his arms..._

_"HOW YA LIKE THAT?! THIS MEAL BITES BACK!" Holy..._

_Roy jumped on top of the thrashing monster, one of its teeth in his hands, before he began stabbing it into the gator's eyes..._

_Damn... He was a real monster..._

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_It took no more than four minutes. That's when the beast stopped moving entirely... Not even breathing. When Roy finally hopped off and dropped the thing's tooth, he was covered in blood. He sloshed through the knee-high water, brushing bits of gator hide from his arms as he pulled his rifle from his back and reloaded. _

_"Roy! Are you alright?!" Holy shit! He was still alive?!_

_He looked up, a puzzled expression on his face. "A'course I'm alright. You think that overgrown lizard could take me down? Hah! That sumbitch was ten years too early to challenge me! Y'outta worry about yourself more'n me, Rookie."_

_...Of course he was. _

_"...Well, nevermind then, you fucking terminator." He only grinned in response._

_"Stick with me, kid, and I'll teach you to be the storngest survivor of all. C'mon."_

_I couldn't keep the smirk from edging its way into my expression. He was damned hilarious, even when I was pissed-off at him._

_"You got it."_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_End Flashback. ...The fuck's a jutsu?_

"Oy, Leon! You didn't get lost in there, didja?"

I blinked, his voice bringing me out of my reverie.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." ...Even now, he still manages to piss me off sometimes. ...Which brings to mind that damn photo... I'm gonna kick his ass for that later.

He nodded, leaning on the wall next to the only door in the room. "Good. Don't pass out on me now, rookie. Oy, Ashley. You good?" She looked up, still wiping dried blood from from under her nails.

"Yeah." She was quiet, still freaking out slightly... But much calmer than she had been.

Roy grinned, that same mischivous grin that signalled excitement/flying lead in your immediate future. "Stick with me, kid. We'll go places."

...And then he kicked in the door, leading the way through this hell we got ourselves into...

...For some reason, I get the distinct feeling that I was forgetting something...

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**Guess who's back, bitches?**_

_**Heheh, well, I've got good news and bad news. Good news is, new chapter! Yay!**_

_**Bad news? I won't be updating this fic as frequently as I used to, seeing as I have two brand-new series to work on. I've an Avatar fic in the works, that is just begging to be put up. However... Until I've gotten to chapter 80 on here, or 50 on WI, I will not be posting it YET. **_

_**YET. But it will, in time, be put up. So, Airbender fans, rejoice! It will be posted! Naruto fans, be happy, as my best work will be getting priority, namely What If.(Sucky name, but better story than this, by far) This fic is getting second place, as my favorite and longest-running story. It will be updated once every week or two after this weekend,(2/19 is today's date) depending on how much free time I have. **_

_**So... Yeah. Sorry for taking over a month on this piece'a crap, but I've been away from home and forced to rely on memory alone to map things out. Eh.**_

_**That's it, Author out. Now if you'll excuse me... I need to get back to work on WI before Anko kills me. See ya!**_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"My race doesn't have separate sexes. Each of us can be 'male' or 'female' as required. It usually depends on who buys dinner." Snixor, a hermaphrodite alien from the comic XXXenophile

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

**"That which does not kill us, will only serve to make us stronger." -Friedrich Nietzche**

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"**He who fights monsters should see to it that in the process, he himself does not become one. For if you gaze too long into the abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you." -Friedrich Nietzche**

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"**To live is to suffer. To survive is to find meaning in that suffering.**" -**Friedrich Nietzche**

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"**There are no facts; only interpretations.**" -**Friedrich Nietzche**

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"**The greatest weapon against an enemy, is another enemy.**" -**Friedrich Nietzche**

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"**Is man one of God's blunders, or is God one of man's blunders?**" -**Friedrich Nietzche**

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_


	60. Chapter 59 Turret Troubles

**Waking Death**

The Rescuers

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid suicidal motherfuckers. **_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

#59 Turret Troubles

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

I stepped through the door, rifle at the ready. Up high...

On a balcony overlooking the room, half a dozen monks were lined up at the handrail, crossbows in hand. Hm...

Two down in front, one of which to my right. Ah, decisions, decisions...

Right.

I turned, putting a bullet in the closest ganado's face, before readjusting my sights to rest on the far-left crossbow-wielder.

"Get moving! Go left!"

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"Through that door!" Roy shouted, shooting at the monks that aimed crossbows at us from above.

We ran hard and fast, the ***BOOM*** of gunfire eclipsing the *Whoosh* of bolts whizzing past our heads, sometimes within mere inches.

The ten seconds it took to reach that door felt like an eternity...

Shana, the woman from the BSAA, kicked the door in, rushing inside with Roy's shotgun. I was right behind her, skidding to a stop on the carpeted floor.

Panting for breath,(I was really out of shape...) I looked back through the door, and saw Roy backing up towards it, still firing... Leon was already through, holding the door, ready to shut it once his partner was in.

Something was off... The big guy wasn't just backing up. He was actively side-stepping and ducking, consciencely avoiding the arrows being shot at him... He was either a genius, or had ungodly reaction times.

I wonder... Is that why my dad sent him to rescue me?

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

I stepped through the door, just as Leon slammed it shut behind me. Shana was covering the stairs nearby, and...

***Whllllrrrr... Kluh!-Kluh!-Kluh!-NnnnKh! Kluh-Chkuh!*** The floor beneath our feet rumbled and groaned...

...What.. The.. Fuck?

"Uh... Leon, was that your stomache?"

"...Not that I'm aware of." Well, that's not good.

"Ah, fuck it. Let's keep moving and hope whatever it is doesn't catch up to us."

Several nods all around, as I hauled ass up the stairs. At the top...

The poor bastard didn't stand a chance. I clotheslined the monk, sending him against the wall, just before I slammed my boot against the side of his head.

..Yeah, his helmet became nothing more than a fancy vice. Heheh.

That done, the door was my next destination... Leading right back into the room previously filled with archers, and now filled with decomposing bodies. Shana was just in front of me, gripping the handle.

With a nod in my direction, se threw it open, stepping through...

"HOLY FUCK!" She started hauling ass, moving straight forward at a dead sprint. What the fu...

***Whrrrrrrrrrrrr... Thup-BADADADADADADADADADADADADAAA AT...t...t...***

My ears were ringing, stinging from the wall of pure noise that came through that door...

It sounded like...

Like...

A fucking gatling gun.

Dust was thrown up, as high-calibur bullets stitched the wall from where Shana had been standing, following her as she ran, before she hit the floor and slid, laying flat against the floor.

I blinked.

'_Well... That's not supposed to happen. Any bright ideas NOW, smartass?_' My inner jerkass demanded an answer.

Shit... One. But it's stupid.

...Stupid's better'n nothing, right?

...Right?

_'...Dumbass.'_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"Leon. Stay back and keep the princess out of the line of fire. I'll deal with that gun..."

I stared at my partner as he set his gun on the floor, cracking his neck.

"...You're going to do something suicidal again, aren't you?" He always does that... Never a single thought for his own safety.

"You know me so well. See ya in the funny pages, kiddies."

...And he took off, leaving Ashley and myself standing there, staring after him...

...What an idiot.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"Ugh... What hit me..." I blinked back the stinging in my eyes, shaking the haze form my mind. Everything hurt... Throbbing with my heartbeat.

Flipping myself over, I look back towards where Leon and the others were... Damn. There was a line of bullet holes in the wall, the dust starting to settle. Geeze... That turret must be a fifty cal, at least...

...Huh? What the hell?

Coming through the doorway, was Roy, looking nonchalant as ever... Until he spotted the gun. Then he...

...Fucking smirked. Shit.

"GET DOWN YOU IDIOT! THAT'S A FIFTY CAL!"

What on earth...

Instead of running, ducking or doing anything remotely interested in survival, he...

Ran straight towards the thing, jumping over the handrail, grinning like a maniac...

...That guy must either be dumber than a rock, or more hardheaded than Stallone and Hulk motherfucking Hogan put together...

Agh, fuck it.

I pulled myself to my feet, drawing my sidearm. I dropped Roy's shotgun when I found myself looking down the barrel of that fifty.

Looking over the edge into the main area...

There he was, running along the barrels of the turret, before kicking the gunner in the face, sending him flying off the gun...

...And right onto the spikes that lines the top of the fence around the gun. Impaled with extreme prejudice. Nice.

"_There he is! Attack!_" Across the room, overlooking the area, were several armed monks...

_'Shit.' _

I took aim, exhaling as I squeezed the trigger...

*Tkchk*

...The fuck?

I took a closer look at my handgun...

Well, I'm boned. Embedded in the slide and frame was a chunk of stone... Right into the chamber and trigger mechanism. Good thing I hadn't cocked the hammer, otherwise it would've gone off and shot me in the leg. Beyond all that...

Hell, my holster was torn, too. Lucky I was wearing it on that leg, otherwise I'd be limping right about now... Great. I was fine, but now my gun was a boat anchor.

I pulled and pocketed the magazine, cocking my arm...

"Roy! Up high!"

The big guy looked up at the gathered ganados...

And I threw my gun, hard as I could, at one of the ones with a crossbow...

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

*Thunk-whack!*

One of the ganados I just spotted got whacked in the face with an M9... Nice throw. Wonder if she played baseball?

Ah, well. Now's not the time for .

As I drew Sarah, taking aim at the nearest one...

The furthest one's head exploded, his body collapsing as a gunshot rung in my ears... Guess she switched out for her rifle. Alright, time to up the ante...

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

**Several gore-spattered minutes later...**

Okay, now that's over with...

Leon and Ashley were moving to catch up, the blonde retrieving my weapon for me as he went. I took the chance to figure out why Shana had thrown her gun.

"Oy, kid. Just why did you clock that guy with your gun instead of just shooting 'im?"

She shrugged. "Shrapnel fucked it up, turned it into a six hundred dollar boat anchor. ...Not that it was any good to start with. I still can't figure why it's such a popular weapon... Mine never worked when I needed it to." Huh. Guess she got a lemon?

"Huh. Well, you outta have a back-up in this hell-hole. 'Ere." I pulled my cougar out of my shoulder holster, handing it to her.

"...Another Beretta?" She sniped, real sardonic-like.

"Hey, hey. It's a free gun, don't complain. And that's a Stoeger, I'll have you know, a damned good one, at that. More reliable than the 92, but it's been modified to use the same magazines. Should work fine with the ones you have, but run a function check before you use it."

She took it, weighing it in her hands. "Huh. Thanks."

"S'nothing. Just don't miss."

...Oddly enough... This strange, dark... Practically evil little smile creeped into her features...

_"...I never do."_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Leon and Ash caught up with us, and I retook my shotgun, loading and strapping it to my back, before kicking down the steel door into the gallery room, stepping inside.

"Room clear." The others filed in, Leon shutting the door behind us.

On the walls, were several gruesome paintings... Eugh.

"...Someone's got a fucked up definition of _'art.'_ " Shana snarked, a her expression a mask of disgust.

"I second that... Anyone care to bet that the paintings have something to do with a way out?"

Puzzled stares all around, but Leon Aha'd, and walked over to the pedestal. "...The sacrifice of six lives will reveal the path... Great, another fucking puzzle." The blone looked up at the paintings and started fiddling around with the buttons.

"Wonder how they got that gatling gun in there..." I thought out loud, figuring that getting it in there would be a pain, whereas putting it together would be a cast-iron bitch.

"Forget that. I'm more worried about how they fired it so carelessly... That thing was a fuckin' fifty cal! It costs $400,000 to fire one of those things for 12 seconds! If they can afford to spray with one of those, we're in trouble." The tan woman sounded both irritated and slightly worried, all at the same time.

"Perhaps... But at least most of them aren't armed with firearms, so there's that. So long as we keep our distance and keep moving, they shouldn't be able to harm us."

Quite suddenly, The entire wall in front of us slid to the left, revealing a door.

"Got it! Huh. I figured it would be harder than that..." Leon frowned, possible wondering if it was a trap...

"It's _child's _play, right?" Shana sniped, getting three chuckles.

"Nice..."

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

We stepped through the door, and found several ganados standing in a line before us, just as we heard someone clapping on the balcony above us.

"So... You're all still alive."

"Duh... What're you, short AND blind?" Shana called, looking annoyed. "And how the hell do you keep getting ahead of us with those short legs, anyway?"

The midget was gritting his teeth, growling. "Why you _whore..._"

The BSAA soldier blinked. "Whore? Hm. I guess that makes me the same thing as your mother, right? Well, now you know how you were born; the condom broke."

"You... You-!" ***BLAM!***

"WAH!" I had fired, knocking Salazar's hat clean off, making him fall backs and speedcrawl out of sight.

"Aww, come back! We were just about to return you to Oz, little munchkin! All you gotta do is just _stand still!_"

...Well, that certainly scared him off. As the nearby ganados began encroaching on us, Shana stepped ahead of us, growling, "These fuckers are mine..."

...And then Ashley began humming a recent deathmetal rendition of "_We're off to see the wizard of oz..."_

Fucking perfect timing.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**"**_**WE **_**are Anonymous. We are Legion. We do not forgive. We do not forget. EXPECT US!" -**_**Anonymous**

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_"The 1970s Burger King was rather down-to-earth and somewhat amusing. Today's king looks more like a perverted and creepy moving sculpture who engages in porno."_

—YouTube user Kti05hnu58. Oh so true, as it were.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

**Father Brown:** For an intelligent murderer, such as you or I might be, it is an impossible plan to make sure that nobody is looking at you.  
**Flambeau:** But what other plan is there?  
**Father Brown:** There is only one...To make sure that everybody is looking at something else.

-The Father of the Gongs

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_"You learn the basics, have a hideous experience in a graveyard, they give you a trench coat and steal your razor. Like an assembly line, really."_

— Ambrose Bierce in Phil Foglio's _Stanley and His Monster_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

"_**I'm not the nicest bloke you've ever met, but I do me best.**_" -John Constantine

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_"I opened my eyes to see the rat taking a piss in my coffee mug. It was a huge brown bastard; had a body like a turd with legs and beady black eyes full of secret rat knowledge."_

— **Michael McGill**'s first two sentences, setting the mood for the rest of the novel Crooked Little Vein, by Warren Ellis. Good book, too. Damn good.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**"Yes, he had one arm and he taught unarmed combat. Sometimes life is like that." -Thomas Lang**_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_In the 50's, the KGB wanted to gather blackmail material on Indonesian president Ahmed Sukarno. They had a group of young women pose as stewardesses on his flight, then take him back to his hotel room for an orgy. When the KGB showed Sukarno the film, threatening to reveal it to the public, he thanked them for a lovely night and asked for a copy of the film to take home with him, stating he would show it in theaters. _

This is a TRUE story of the Russian KGB(Their version of the CIA/MI6) That kinda backfired, now didn't it?

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**I dare you to go onto TvTropes and look up 'First-person smartass' **_

_**Really, I fucking DARE you. I mean, hell, they have a trope of ME! Really! Anyway...**_

_**If you've got a few minutes to burn, go and read "The Devil's Dictionary" by Ambrose Bierce. Really good and extremely funny definitions of household words; humorous, offensive, sexist, racist, and nationalist, it is HILARIOUS.**_

_**AND TO ALL MY LOYAL READERS... I AM SORRY. THIS SERIES HAS SECOND-PLACE PRIORITY ON MY LIST, AND WHAT IF TAKES FIRST. I'LL BE UPDATING THIS IRREGULARLY, HOPEFULLY EVERY WEEK, BUT DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH. MAY THE LITERATURE BE WITH YOU.**_

_**BLADE OUT.**_


	61. Chapter 61 REWRITE OFFER

**Waking Death**

The Rescuers

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid suicidal motherfuckers. **_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

#60 Moooving Along...

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

**Okay, I've run the sketches, crunched the numbers, and basically read, reread and read everything over and over again.**

**And I have decided that I am unsatisfied with quite a bit of what I've written for WD. Looking back, it is NOT up to my own personal standards, I've just been too damned lazy to go back and redo stuff.**

**SO.**

**I have a proposition for YOU, my readers. **

**Would you all like a COMPLETE rewrite of Waking Death?**

**As in, I'll go back to the very beginning, and rewrite the entire story from there.**

**Some scene may not change, particularly the later ones in Rescuers and Arcs after that point, but most things before that would be changed significantly. Would you guys want that?**

**As is, I've got an inkling of a more human Roy; younger, smart-assier,(I KNOW that's not a word, I'm being a smartass. Fuckin' grammar-nazis) fresher, less of a walking tank and more like an actual human being. It would mean a new start, a new beginning, and possibly an entirely different direction of the plot.(I'm doing something similar with Crimson Lagoon, albeit on a far, far smaller scale) **

**But, seeing as I'm not the one who has to read it for enjoyment, I'd like some feedback on this. I hate making decisions in the dark for others, y'know? So leave a review,(That means YOU, anonymous guests who enjoy reading this stuff) send me a PM,(My readers who actually have an account) drop a line, use morse code, throw out some friggin' smoke signals, do SOMETHING! Make your opinion known! **

**'Cuz if no one's even reading this, it's kindof a moot point to even continue writing it.(Sorry, Fenrir. Got swamped with a bunch of other projects and I've only so much time to use... Yes, Shana would still be involved in the rewrite, before you even ask) **

**So please, if you're there and you care, gimme your two cents on the subject. **

**In advance, I greatly appreciate everyone who has even bothered to look at my crappy writings, and I look forward to hearing from whoever decides to say something about it.**

**Thank you for reading, thank you for reviewing, and thank you for your time. **

**Blade out.**

**PS; Sorry this wasn't a regular update. This entire thing was bugging the crap out of me, and I just now decided to act on it. **


	62. REwrite Preview

**Waking Death**

Waking Up Dead

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

#1 _**REwrite**_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**Okay, okay, I've been bombarded with messages, so I'm officially starting the REwrite. HERE is a preview of the first chapter! Hope you enjoy.**_

_**Thanks to everyone who has stuck with me through this acid-trip of an adventure! Have a good one, mates. Blade out.**_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Ugh...

"Augh..." I could faintly hear someone groaning... After a moment, I realised it was me. Lovely.

'_Wha...?_'

I blearily opened my eyes, drowsy as all hell. Vision fuzzy, head pounding and limbs numb, the only thing that came to mind was, '_Just how the fuck do I get myself into these messes..._'

Move... C'mon, get up... Not dead yet...

I forced my arms to move, blinking back the haze clouding my eyes.

Come on... C'mon! You're better than this! Get your legs under you and get military, this ain't right...

I was lying facedown on a carpeted floor, a foul smell lingering all around... The stench of rot, death, and decay... Not me, I hope. After several moments of stuggling, I could see...

...

A pair of boots... With feet in them, light cream-colored ankles sticking out the tops, leading up to the rolled-up cuffs of light green capris... A belt holding them up carried several pouches, notably one with a red cross on it. Above them, a flat belly covered by a green shirt and white kevlar vest, betraying an ample chest, all the way up to a cute, pixie-like face with short brunette hair and bright, curious green eyes...

...

Human. Female. Age sixteen to twenty-four, armored; light kevlar vest, level 2 protection, carrying medical equipment. Armed, Beretta 92FS in her right hand, not aimed at me...

...Safety's on. Dumbass. Looks like a medic... And fairly familiar, too...

"Are you alright, sir?" She asked, wary, her voice sounding just as cute as she looked.

Blinking, I pushed myself up, getting a leg under me. "Dunno. You here to use that weapon on me?"

"Not if I don't have to. My name's Rebecca, do you know what happened here?" Huh. Thought she looked like Rebecca Chambers... What was it... Resident Evil, I think...

She offered a hand, and I took it, pushing more than pulling myself up. ...She still tottered a bit. Just a bit.

"Name's Roy. The answer to that entirely depends on what's going on, but before that... Just where the hell am I?" I glanced around the room, still trying to get my bearings...

Small cabin, bunk beds on my right side... A body in the lower one. Aha, so that's the smell. Eugh.(I hate hate haaaate the stench of a rotting body... Makes me wanna heave, no matter how often I run into it)

"A train in Raccoon Forest, and... All these people are just... Dead. I didn't see any lethal injuries on them, but..." She shuddered, her gaze avoiding the body in the room. "You're the first person I've found who wasn't dead... Or trying to kill me."

...? Raccoon-?

"Okay, wait wait wait... What's with the cosplay, for one? Two, what the hell? This is too far for a joke." I was just kinda irritated by now, dealing with some cosplay chick who was just waaay too into her role... I don't mind the girl dressing up for some kinky roleplay, but that's just not my thing. Seriously. Besides... That gun and kevlar are real. Lotta money to blow on a costume. Too much.

She tilted her head, eyebrow quirked, parroting, "Cosplay...? Hey! I'm an officer of the law! And these people are dead, how can you call that a joke?!" She squeaked, indignant.

...

I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose. I was not in the mood to deal with this... (I just woke up, damnit! If she ain't stripping, I don't wanna hear it)

"Fine, whatever you say, princess." This is some seriously fucked-up shit...

She scowled, grumbling as she turned and opened the door, stomping out.

...Y'know, she looked much cuter like that, for some reason...

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Well, I'm lost, outisde the nearest window I saw a forest, and this was, indeed, a train. And I have no fucking clue as to what is going on, so...

...

Welp, fuckit. Got nothing better to do while my head catches up, so I decided to tag along with the cosplay girl.

Great.

I followed behind her, ignoring the angry muttering I heard. Something about handcuffs, a sharpie, and revenge...

Eh.

Out the door, to the right, and down a hall... Eesh, this all looked mighty familiar...

At the end of said hallway, was a door... Next to it, was the body of a man that looked like he'd been torn apart by something...

I heard a sharp intake of breath from the girl next to me, before she swallowed and knelt, slowly, carefully edging her hand closer to the body, gently plucking a key from its hand...

Hm?

...Footsteps behind us... Approaching... Heavy, but soft.

I waited several moments, and just as those footsteps got within four feet...

I spun, dashed straight at the guy, noting his stunned expression as I drove a fist in his gut, off-hand grabbing the back of his neck and pulling as I side-stepped out of the way, kicking his feet out from under him before driving a knee into the small of his back on the way down.

...Within the space of an eyeblink, he was on the floor with my hand on his neck, the other restraining his right arm, and my knee digging into the small of his back.

"UWAH-!" He let out a surprised yelp, startling Rebecca and making her jump.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you not to sneak up on strangers?" Keeping my tone neutral is a habit; sounding emotionless scares people a lot more than sounding angry.

I finally got a good look at the guy... Big, muscled, tattoo on his right arm(Tribal... How original) and-

...And a fucking mullet. Are you kidding me?

Rebecca gave a start. "Lieutenant William Coen..."

My captive looked up, scowling. "Well, someone's heard of me... I'd ask if you've been fantasising about me, but I get the feeling your boyfriend might get a little angry."

...

Billy Coen.

First Rebecca, now Billy, and I'm on a train.

. . .

Someone, somewhere, has a really fucked-up sense of humor...

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

**Somewhere, we see someone in a dark room... The author, sitting in a beanbag chair naked eating cheetos.**

"_**Mwahahahahahaaa... All too right, my friend... All too right. *Munch, crunch***_"

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

**Back with Roy, Rebecca and Mr Mullet Warfare.**

With a groan, I released Billy, stepping back and once again pinching the bridge of my nose. This is NOT how I imagined this night going down... Damned bitch...

After dusting himself off, Mulletman turned and waltzed away, grumbling and rubbing his shoulder. I think he said something about hating cops. Anyway.

Rebecca was about to go running after him when I caught her by the back of her vest and said, "Leave him."

"What?! But he's a wanted criminal! He's a murderer!" Her protests fell on deaf ears.

"I call bullshit on that. He was armed; if he was a murderer, he would've tried to shoot us in the back. And beyond that, he doesn't have the eyes of a killer. Let the Marines worry about him, he's out of your jurisdiction." Fuming, she pulled out of my grasp, stomping down the hall. I simply rolled my eyes, trailing along behind her.

With a sigh, I wondered, '_How in the hell did I get myself into this shit..._'

There's no way I'm in a bloody video game. No way, not possible.

But if I am...

Then the next thing to happen-

*CRASH!-Thum-Thumpka!*

"EDWARD!" Rebecca screamed, dashing over to a figure that had just dived through one of the windows, and was now resting against one of the walls below said window.

I blinked, snarking to myself, '_I just HAD to go and open my big damn mouth..._'

With a sigh, I moved over to the two of them, just missing Edward's last words. Something about monsters.

His head lolled forward, just as he stopped breathing... Rebecca grabbed his shoulders, shaking him, feeling his neck for a pulse. "...Edward? Edward! C'mon, wake up! I... I can't-"

Quite suddenly...

*CRASH!*

Through the window I'd juuust stepped away from, a half-decomposed dog jumped through, landing on its feet, growling at us...

*Cra-CRASHK!* Followed by two more, on the other side. Fuck me runnin'...

Rebecca jumped to her feet, pointing her gun at the nearest dog, arms shaking.

"S-stay away! Stay back!"

_'...Yeah, she's green as grass...'_

Just as the dog leaped forward, jaws gaping, I felt my heart give a start, beating faster and faster...

'_Not happening..._'

My temples throbbed, heart quickened, lungs filled...

In that instant, everything slowed to a crawl, the edges of my vision turning grey, as the rest of it took on an extra-bright hue...

I pulled the gun from Rebecca's hand, a quick spin 'round the trigger guard, righting it in my hand, as I levelled the sights on the beast...

***Bang!***

One...

Turn, set the front sight...

***Pow! Baloom!***

A double-tap in the second, which fell limp to the floor, whereas the third was already in the air, too close...

I fell back onto instinct, reaching out...

Catching it by the throat, just as time seemed to catch up, and I jammed the barrel of that 92 between the fucker's teeth.

"Play dead, bitch." It had only the time to blink, when I pulled the trigger.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Dropping the body, I turned back to look at Rebecca, who was wide-eyed, lips moving, but no words coming out.(Kinda arousing, that. I was imagining those lovely lips working something else...)

I flipped the gun, holding it out to her. "If you intend to live, then when you point this at something, never hesitate to pull the trigger. Hesitation will get you killed, Rebecca."

Still shaking, she retook it without a word, swallowing. Hmph. She's too weak to go through this... She lacks the killing intent needed to survive such a nightmare. Sighing, I resigned myself to at least help her get through this night alive... Might even get some answers as to how the hell I wound up here.

But in orer to do that...

I did a quick check of my pockets, finding that I had my knife on my belt, my lockpick set,(Hey, they're useful if I lock my keys in my car) and flashlight... Lighter and boot knife, too, but that's about it. Damnit... Really wishing I had my Glock right about now...

But...

I turned my gaze to the dead guy, Edward... Hmm...

Taking a knee, I felt the guy's neck...

No pulse... No breathing... Eyes open, no movement, no dilation...

He's dead... Several scratches and bite marks over his body. Reaching back, I drew my knife and slammed it through his temple, twisting once and drawing it out, flicking off the bits left on the blade before sheathing it.

"W-w-What the hell are you doing?!" Ignoring her, I undid Edward's belt, pulling off the pouches on it, setting them aside...

There's what I'm after...

His sidearm, a customized Beretta 92FS. Think they called it the Samurai Edge...

I removed his holster and everything else he'd had on his belt, before checking through the pockets on his vest...

Anything useful... C'mon, useful...

Aha!

Another pair of Beretta magazines, loaded. I dropped them next to the pouches and looked a bit more, finding a wallet and a few other odds and ends. Handcuffs, handcuff keys, folding baton, pepper spray, picture of a woman...

Eh.

Some useful items, but most of it's bunk.

Ditched the picture and spray, laying out the rest of the stuff.

Hmm...

I undid my instructor belt, setting the different pouches and packs on it in my prefered places, leaving my knife where it was; after about a minute, I had everything in place. Pistol on my 3-30, ammo on my 8, various utility stuff here and there...

Yep, I'm good to go. I stood, drawing my new gun...

Pull the mag, glance, load. Fourteen rounds. Pull slide, check chamber... One in the pipe, so that's all fifteen, plus the spares...

Two in my pocket, three more on belt. Total of 90 rounds, 9mm JHP. Got roughly forty .308 rounds; guess Eddy here was a DM. Too bad he didn't have his rifle...

Well, better than nothing. There was one last thing I needed... reaching down, I pulled Edward's nametag off his vest, and then the STARS patch from his shoulder, pocketing them.

Straightening up, I looked back to where Rebecca was standing, glaring at me. "He doesn't need these anymore, and I'd rather not go around armed with only a knife, seeing as you said the dead were attacking." A beat later, and she exploded.

"You didn't have to be so calm about it! He-! He's dead! So show some respect!" She had tears in her eyes, looking on the verge of breaking down crying...

Damnit... I need her stable, not whining.

But, I can't just dress her down like I would a soldier that was losing it... She's too fragile for that.(That wasn't my actual reason; I noted and admitted that later, but at the time I was making an excuse for myself to be gentle about it. I'm a real pushover...)

I placed a hand on her shoulder, the other raising her chin to look me in the eye... "Rebecca... I know it hurts to lose a friend, but right now, we can't afford to let emotions override our judgement. The only thing we can do for him now, is survive. And I'll respect him by doing everything in my power to keep you alive." Keeping my voice calm, solemn, and kind, I reassured her the best way I knew how. Dealing with people is... Not my strong suit.

She heaved in a shaky breath, suppressing a sob. "*Sniff* O... Okay... Thanks..." Smiling tranquilly, I patted her shoulder, trying my best not to look creepy and/or macabre.(Or perverted, though that's how I felt right about then)

...Yeah, I've got a problem looking normal. Eheheh. "C'mon, let's get moving." She nodded, gathering herself as I lead the way back into the main passenger compartment...

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Inside, I spotted several bodies lying around...

Seeing two lying facedown in the aisle, I asked, "Rebecca... How did you put those things down?"

Seeing them, she shivered. "I... I just shot them... They wouldn't stop, and..."

I nodded. "Very well... From now on, any of those... Things, zombies, whatever you want to call them, are to be shot in the head. If you can't hit the head, aim for the legs, then put one through their skull. Anything less than a clean headshot is a waste of ammo."

Moving forward, I drew my knife, dropping into a crouch as I took hold of the nearest one's neck, stabbing it the same way I had Edward's corpse; through the temple, twist, extract, rinse and repeat.

Once done, I glanced back to the girl... Her face was pale, eyes wide. "W... Why did you..."

"If this is what I think it is, then nothing short of the destruction of the brain or cerebral cortex will put them down for good. In layman's terms, shoot 'em in the head, break the neck, or remove the head. Forcefully." I looked back towards the other end of the car, reaching for my handgun...

"Then... Just what is it?" She asked, still slightly shaken.

"The Tyrant virus, a bio-chemical weapon developed by the Umbrella corporation. It essentially reanimates recently deceased creatures, mutating them into different forms retaining only the most basic of urges. The infection is spread through bites, scratches and fluids; only one in ten million are genetically immune to it, so unless you're feeling lucky, I suggest you keep your distance from the infected. And before you ask, no, there is no cure that I am aware of. Once infected, you're as good as dead."

Turning, I started for the other door when she called after me. "How do you know all this? And how are you so sure?"

I stopped. "That... I cannot say. There is much I wish to tell you, but not just yet... Once we're back in the city. You're going to have to trust me until then, I'm afraid. As to your other question, there is only one thing I know of that can turn the dead into cannibalistic monsters, and that's the T-virus. Now c'mon, lets get moving before one of the other deadheads wakes up with the munchies." Moving again, I got to the door, grasping the handle.

Rebecca caught up, key in hand when she asked, "Can you at least tell me why you're helping me?"

...

"As Edward said, there are various other monsters lurking in the forest, looking for someone tasty to chow down on. I don't fancy my chances of outrunning packs of dogs, either.(I was completely serious, too) And... You remind me of someone I knew, once... Beyond that... Well, it's raining and I've nothing better to do, so why the hell not?" I shrugged, as she shook her head and I opened the door...

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Stepping through, I raised my gun, checking left and right...

Dark in here... Lights are off...

I was moving ahead towards the other door, when the crackling of static filled the air.

Rebecca pulled her radio from her belt, responding, "This is Rebecca, over."

_"Krsshhhhrr... Ecca...is...Nrico..."_

Blinking, she called back, "Enrico? Hello! Enrico, do you read me? Please respond!"

After fiddling with the channels for a moment, the Bravo team Captain came back over the radio. "_I can hear you, Rebecca. Now listen up. We've found detailed information on the fugitive, William Coen. He has been convicted of killing as many as twenty-three people._"

Looking startled, Rebecca murmurred to herself, "Twenty-three people..."

"_We've also confirmed that he was institutionalized, so keep your guard up._"

"Captain, I've found a civillian on-board a train, the Ecliptic Express. I've... Also confirmed the death of Edward Dewey." But something was wrong...

All that came back through the radio was static... "...Captain? Enrico, are you there? Enrico!"

...Nothing but static...

She shook her head, looking troubled.

"...Am I the only one feeling like we're in a cheap B-horror movie?" She looked up at my smirking features, a small smile dawning in her own pixie-like face.

"It's starting to feel that way..."

Grinning like a crazy bastard, I chuckled, snarking, "Well, at least you're not blonde."

...After a moment, she giggled, shaking her head. "You're awful..."

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Rebecca opened the door and I stepped through, gun raised, old habits taking over...

Clear. Stairs on left, sliding door to the kitchen straight ahead. We entered, shutting the door behind us... I was moving towards the stairs, expecting it when the door behind us opened once more, and a certain mullet-bearing former Marine entered, looking between us.

When he didn't immediately turn and scamper off, I said, "I take it you've figured out that we're better off working together, too?"

He looked startled for half a second, before nodding. "Yeah. If the dead are coming back with the munchies, we'll stand a better chance of surviving if we cooperate."

"WHAT?! I'm not cooperating with a-" Just as Rebecca was starting to have her little freakout, my arm snapped out and gibsmacked her.

"OW! What was that for?!" She was rubbing a sore spot on the back of her head, scowling. Coincidentally, it was right where I smacked her. Go figure.

"For not listening, and for being a gullible idiot. Tell me, did you see the court documents on Mr Coen, here?" Okay... Time to bullshit my way outta this.

"...What? Yeah, so what? He was tried and convicted of murdering twenty-three people!"

I nodded sagely. "And how long did it take for them to convict him? Scratch that, how long did it take from the conviction, to the execution date?"

She blinked, thinking back to that paper she'd read...

As she thought on that, and her expression changed to that of dawning comprehension, I patted her shoulder. "Now you're getting it, Becs. Whenever a trial is sped up and done with minimal publicity, especially something like a good Marine killing civillians, then somewhere along the way, there's a cover-up going on. Even more so when the punishment for it is an execution... And whenever they schedual an execution within a month of the conviction, there is most definately some illegal backroom deals going on. Isn't that right, Lieutenant?"

I looked back to the subject of our conversation, who looked entirely stunned...(Surprising. Kinda hard to pull off 'stunned' with a mullet)

"How..."

Beaming, I sniped, "You don't have the eyes of a cold-blooded killer, Billy. Besides, no good murderer would be caught _dead _with a mullet like that."

. . .

Oh, the _look _on his face was just priceless as Rebecca and I both busted out laughing. We both shared a good laugh at the former-Marine's expense...

Heheh. Anyway. Chuckling aside, I started up the stairs, my two compatriots reluctantly following close behind.

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Up topside, we were in the dining room... Several fires had broken out, still burning through tableclothes and drywall. On the far side of the room, was a lone, elderly man, sitting at a burning table...

I remember this...

Resident Evil 0 wasn't my favorite game of the series, but I played it once...

...One friggin' long-assed time ago, damnit. ONCE!

Fuck!

C'mon, think... The leaches fear fire...

...

Burning...

Aha...

On the bar next to us was a box of 9mm rounds, which I passed on to the others before plucking a random bottle of alchohol from behind it.

"Bacardi? Agh, damnit. Why is it always the Bacardi..." I was muttering, dreading what I was about to do... I hate to waste good rum.

Popping the cork, I grabbed the nearest tablecloth, just as I noticed-

DAMNIT!

I grabbed the back of Rebecca's vest, yanking her back again, fiercely whispering in her ear, "What're you, retarded?!"

Of course, she gave me an indignant, puzzled, pissed-off look. "What the hell are you talking about?"

I blinked, remembering that they don't know that the Marcus lookalike is a leech zombie...

"That... Thing, over there isn't human. Just keep your distance and watch." I held the molotov in one hand, and pulled off the nearest burning tablecloth in the other, stalking closer to the disguised monster...

C'mon...

C'mon...

I got real close... Before I lit the molotov on the burning cloth, and flung it over the leech zombie, covering it with the burning tablecloth.

Suddenly, an inhuman wailing filled the air, as the stench of burning flesh filled my nostrils...

I hopped well back carefully watching as the figure of the man broke down into dozens, hundres of leeches... That's when I threw the homemade explosive, turning and tear-assing back to the others. The instant I was next to them, I drew my handgun, spinning and dropping to one knee, taking aim in that very same instant...

Eyes wide, heart pounding, I watched as the leeches burned... And burned... And burned...

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

Rebecca watched on in horror, as the old man she'd been about to help burst into hundreds of leeches... Disgusting... She shivered, thankful that Roy had stopped her from making that mistake.

And then the man she'd met only minutes ago had made a molotov cocktail, and burned the things alive... He knew... He knew that thing wasn't human... But how...?

"Burn motherfucker..." Roy muttered, entranced by the flames...

"Eugh... Nasty... How'd you know about that, anyway?" Billy was puzzled, looking oddly at the man...

Before he could answer, there was...

Something...

"_Awwwuuhhhaaaahhhh..._" ...Opera singing...?

Glancing out the window, she saw... A figure, atop a hill in the distance, wearing a white gown with long, dark hair...

Roy was on his feet, taking aim, when the train gave a jolt, and started to move.

"Fuck..." He cursed, holstering his weapon with a scowl.

"What the hell? Who started the train...?" The former Marine asked, looking back down the stairs...

"Umbrella... Or Marcus. Either way..." Roy shook his head as he muttered something under his breath, looking like he was under pressure, planning something... "Alright. Both of you, on me. First we'll check the kitchenette, then we'll head down below and go car-by-car. We stick together, no matter what. No one goes alone. Understood?"

His tone brokered no arguement, betraying what would happen if either of them disagreed...

He may not be bigger than Billy, but he looked far more dangerous. For some reason... His eyes sent a shiver down Rebecca's spine; a piercing gaze that reminded her of Captain Wesker, but...

Roy's wasn't cold; behind those dull turquoise stones was a raging hellfire that threatened to destroy whatever stood in his way...

...Or whoever, she thought with a shudder.

It was unsettling, to say the least... He hides those feelings well, but Rebecca's always had a good feel for people. Even her psychology instructor had said as much, back in college.

If she had to guess... That fire is fueled by pain, that he refuses to show. The other thing that she noticed... Whenever his gaze settled on her, those fires seemed to fade and die out. Is that what he meant, when he said she reminded him of someone he once knew...?

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

**Back to Roy's POV.(Point of view. Also a type of porn, if you're so inclined)**

Moving quickly, I went over to the door to the mini-kitchen, punching a gloved fist(SKD tactical PIG gloves. Very comfortable, still provides adequite protection against cuts and grazes) through the glass window, reaching down and twisting the handle hard. I felt something inside it give and snap, before I shoved the thing open, brushing shards of glass off my sleeve.(Underarmor long-sleeve, high-collar compression shirt. The ladies looove the pecs and six pack)

Whatta we got...

Handgun rounds, green herbs,(The hell IS a green herb, exactly? I don't recognise it from any botany journals I've read) first aid spray, and a key...

Hmm...

I gathered the different items, walking out and nearly into the others, as I handed them the different objects, aside from the key.

Billy had an M9; military version of the Beretta 92FS. Decent firearm, but I didn't care all that much for it. When you can only use FMJ rounds, then stick to a larger calibur; ie, 45ACP. That way you don't need to put five or six rounds in a target to put him on the ground. Anyway.

He only had a few mags worth, so I passed him the ammo box.(50 rounds. Rebecca had gotten most of the last box) Rebecca had the med kit, so she got the herb and spray.(Didn't feel like carrying them, myself)

The key I kept in-hand, as I trotted down the stairs and through the door, leading the way as my toadies trailed along behind me. In the next car-

Three targets.

I drew my gun, taking aim without breaking pace... Two in the aisle; first shot through his forehead, second clocked the guy behind him right between the eyes. Turn, one O'clock. Last shot dropped the final Z-boy, who was standing up from a seat; all three of them dropped to the floor within moments of each other.

Gun up, I moved straight to the other door, carefully hopping over the fallen bodies as I went. Tugging it open, I had turned just in time to see Billy trip over one and fall flat on his face.

"Real smooth, Mr Mullet Warfare."

. . .

"Oh, so you're a comedian, huh..." He grumbled, getting back to his feet.

"I'm a jackass of many talents. And just so you know, if you're going to shoot any of the undead wandering around, aim for the head; body shots are just wasting brass."

I tugged the door open, stepping through with my gun raised... Clear. Moving swiftly, I crossed the car and got to the door just as they were crossing the midway point. I let them through and pulled up the rear, shutting the door behind us. Rebecca looked a little anxious, but said nothing... Hmph.

'_Keep it together, police girl..._'

I moved past them, down the hall and around the bend, just past the stiff. Second-to-last door of the area; Conductor's cabin. Those two caught up with me, the girl edging warily past her dead coworker, her gaze avoiding his corpse. Ah... She felt guilty, I suppose. Hm.

Pulling the key from my pocket, I unlocked the door and opened it, stepping through with my gun raised...

No surprises in here... Not yet.

"Clear..." I heard the others stepping inside, shutting the door. A quick glance around revealed everything we needed. Pistol and shotgun rounds, a first aid spray, map of the train, button on the wall, and of course, a barely-concealed briefcase that held our ticket outta here.

"Huh... Now all we need's a shotgun. Great." The former-Marine sniped, rolling his eyes.

"Perhaps..." I took up the shells, getting a quick count. 25 in the case, heheheheh.

Sweet. Opening it, I dropped the 00 Buck rounds into the two empty cases on my belt, the rest falling in alongside the 7.62 ammo. Good to go. I ditched the case, passing the pistol rounds to the other two. They'll need it more than I.

Now...

I opened the closet and nabbed the briefcase, looking it over...

"Either of you care to bet there's something useful inside?"

Billy just shrugged. "Go for it."

"Don't know. Maybe?" Rebecca mimicked his Air Fore salute, before they shared a glance, and she turned away with just a leetle huff. Heheh, cute.

Pulling my knife as I holstered my sidearm, I sliced through the side bellowing and reached inside, fingers searching...

Aha! Got it. Keycard to the lead car. Alright, just skipped a good fifteen minutes of dicking around. Now to figure this out... Should we head straight to the engine, and possibly stop before the canon...

Or go and fuck off for a few minutes, possibly risking an even worse crash than the game detailed...?

_**The decision you make here... Will forever change your life as you knew it. **_

_**Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid, suicidal motherfucker.**_

_**~~Badadumdunbum~~**_

_**List of changes; used a larger font for easier reading, for starters. Greater number of breaks between paragraphs and other sections; fewer clumped-together bits.**_

_**The beginning has changed entirely. It has now began within the train... **_

_**Roy has changed. He's younger; more reckless and idealistic, as well. Now with even MORE smartass mixed in! Plus MSG. Roughly age 17, about 5'11; still built and cut, but less Krauser-esque and closer to Leon-proportions. Athletic, strong, but limber and flexible. He is far more agile than his elder self, and he uses that to his advantage. However; he is not as strong as he first was, so his fighting style will be adapted.**_

_**He is still more than human; one of the few surviving Wolves of the DOG program, he was trained as a soldier and assassin, and is a skilled combatant, particularly in close quarters. Genetically alterred to become a supersoldier with reaction times that go beyond human, a more troubling opponent would be hard to imagine. He has not yet fully learned to control his... Gift, so he does not rely on it as much.**_

_**He begins with little more than the clothes on his back. His knife; an Ontario RD7, a weapon fitting his penchant for getting up-close and personal, strapped to the back of his belt.**_

_**A boot knife; never leave home without a back-up tool. Just a little double-edged dagger for use as a utility knife.**_

_**Flashlight; can't quite see in the dark, so this is, of course, extremely useful.**_

_**Lighter; always good to have. Let's burn it down!**_

_**Lockpicks; while not his forte, he has been trained to silently open different kinds of locks without leaving a trace of his presence. He still prefers to just kick down whatever unfortunate doors that happen to get in his way. Time-consuming and not always an option, with more complex locking mechanisms.(Ie, serrated pins. Eugh, pain in the ass) A shotgun's usually a lot faster, if a tad less subtle.**_

_**Anyway, thanks for reading. I'm not sure how often I'll be able to update this, but rest assured I'll be working on it.**_


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